A Lesson in Conversation

By Lydia Fairchok

Ihad a wonderful conversation earlier this year. It wasn’t the most intellectual, most stimulating, or most entertaining. It wasn’t with people that I know particularly well or to whom I have any deep attachment. It took place during down time at a work event (not horse-related) and involved one of the speakers from the training that I was attending, as well as the speaker’s wife. What made it such a stand-out was that this couple was absolutely masterful at the art of conversation. With several people around the table and not much in common other than our careers, I watched as they used questions and relatable experiences to make sure that no one was quiet for too long and no one felt unimportant. When someone seemed left out of a topic, either the instructor or his wife would draw them back in with a new line of friendly inquiry. The flow of conversation was gently, skillfully moderated with just the right amount of subtle teamwork and genuine interest such that everyone had a wonderful time and learned new things about one another.

True conversation such as this is far too rare among family members, let alone colleagues. When our culture strives to proclaim its thoughts in 280-character Tweets, status updates, and memes, who takes time to practice the lost art of being a good conversationalist? An alarming number of interactions sound more like a Facebook feed discourse than people seeking to discover more about each other. In his book Didn’t See It Coming: Overcoming the Seven Greatest Challenges that No One Expects and Everyone Experiences, Carey Nieuwhof describes this modern substitute for conversation as a “string of mini-monologues” and correlates it to the sense of deep disconnection that many people feel despite technology making us more “connected” than ever before. This dynamic shows itself in

the horse industry when instructors lapse into autopilot teaching, clients hop from barn to barn, and everyone wonders why they feel so dissatisfied.

Use the Most Important Punctuation Mark

Utilizing the power of conversation is not a stand-alone fix for creating engaging lessons, retaining clients, and staying in love with your work. It is, however, a significant tool that is available at absolutely no cost to every instructor everywhere. Conversation ought not to be confused with idle chit-chat or barn gossip; it is a constructive exchange of thoughts, ideas and observations that is rooted in the genuine interest of discovering the other person. It is foundational to interrogative teaching—a mode of instruction that invites students to participate in the training thought process and articulate their grasp of knowledge. Done effectively, this reinforces information that they have already had the opportunity to learn, demonstrates their ability to own concepts, and encourages clarification of any misunderstandings.

Taking such a concept to the arena may seem difficult since teaching by its very nature poises itself to be a monologue. Your student has paid you to talk, haven’t they? No one ever handed over their hard-earned dollars to a professional in anticipation of a lesson where the student must provide all the answers. Conversation as a teaching tool does not mean instructing less, but it does mean crafting your delivery to create a place where learning is a dialogue, where mentoring takes priority over preaching, and where the person in the saddle is more important than the outcome of the lesson. How do you even begin to accomplish all of this? With the most important punctuation mark of all—the question mark. Appropriate questions look different depending on class size, age level, and student personality, but a few general principles apply.

Use open-ended questions. Asking a rider whether they were on the left or right lead may tell you that they can identify the correct lead, but it doesn’t give you any insight into whether or not they are processing the concept. Find out how they knew what lead they were on, and then follow up as needed if they have trouble developing their own thought. (What did you feel with your body? What was your horse’s balance like in the corner?)

Know your students and adjust your questions accordingly. Some are chatterboxes who must be reminded to get back to work, and others are shy souls who are intimidated at the very thought of voicing their own observations. While one might readily answer the inquiry “How did you feel about getting back on after your fall?” the other might respond better to “When you got back on after your fall, was it easy, scary, or something else?” This modified open-ended format, borrowed from child forensic interview techniques, helps a rider find words without obligating them to choose from your list.

Don’t mistake recitation of information for interrogative teaching. Calling out a question (“What is the rule about diagonals?”) to elicit a rote response (“Rise and fall with the leg on the wall”), is a catechismstyle tool that is useful for testing knowledge and ingraining facts, but is not related to conversation and discovery. Don’t divide a rider’s attention with questions while they are actively trying to complete an exercise. This is the time for silence or supportive instruction/correction, not prompting self-analyzation. Ask questions during interludes when the rider can answer without sacrificing performance. Most importantly—listen! Whatever you ask, hear your student’s answer and let it impact your next teaching decision. Thank them for sharing fears and frustrations, and tell them when you are glad they pointed something out. This will help them feel valued and encourage them to be increasingly open with you.

Take Time to Give Time

Drawing your students out with questions is not isolated to the arena. Just as we teach ➢

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our riders to pay attention to their horses and develop partnership with them whether they are in the saddle or on the ground, so we can also model human investment by taking the extra time to engage our people in conversation that doesn’t directly pertain to riding. Humans have a deep need to know and be known. Learn a little about your students’ work or school, their family life, their other hobbies and interests, and their stressors. I am not advocating that you should know every personal detail of their lives, nor suggesting that a riding lesson is meant to be a therapy session; however, taking the time to ask “How are you really doing today?”—and giving your full attention to the response—is an act of kindness that does not trespass on professionalism.

Make It Personal

Investing regularly in your students in this manner leads to familiarity with their mental and emotional state, which directly impacts their riding and opens the door to more teachable moments. Might you adjust your lesson plan to include more

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Be Intentional!

Most of us do chat with our students to some extent or another, and do get to know at least general details of their lives, and most of us do seek feedback from our students as they ride. Like any tools, however, your use of conversation and interrogative teaching will become more effective when you intentionally practice and apply them. The true power of these techniques flows not just from the simple dynamic of talking with people, but from your inner attitude towards your individual clients. A student must not be merely a means to a financial end, a meter of professional success, or a checkmark on a list of goals. You must respect and care about the person in the saddle enough to value their thoughts, opinions, backgrounds, and struggles. Without this, not only will conversations fall woefully flat, but the element of compassion will be lost and burnout is right around the corner.

Put some question marks to work inside and outside your arena and see what kind of results you receive over the next several months. Are your students more articulate about their observations? Are they exploring their goals and fears with greater boldness and awareness? Do they seem a little more refreshed after being at the barn, and do they tune into your directions more after you have shown interest in what they have to say? Are they learning the valuable life skill of engaging others in conversation from your example, and can they say with confidence that their trainer cares about them?

Your students will not be the only ones to benefit. Purposefully investing in your students will help you rejuvenate your passion for teaching and avoid the dangers of burnout. Clients who feel like they matter to their trainer will be less likely to shop around for another barn. You will also earn the opportunity to construct a mentoring relationship that impacts more of your students’ personhood, allowing you to help build their character as well as their riding skills. This is critical because riders who are challenged to develop both physically and personally become better horsemen and horsewomen who are a lasting professional credit to you and ultimately a boon to the future of our industry.

The way we communicate as a society is constantly changing, with each new form of “faster and better” seeming to send the previous method into the abyss of obsolescence. Conversation need not give way to the attenuated mannerisms of Facebook and Twitter, however. Even (or perhaps especially) in the age of social media, authentic, face-to-face dialogue is still the most meaningful delivery of communication and the basis for relationship. Don’t overlook the simple but compelling power of conversation and interrogative teaching rooted in genuine interest. Your students may not consciously thank you, but your investment will pay dividends as you find delight in watching your riders grow for years to come.

About the author: Lydia Fairchok is certified in Recreational Riding Level 1, and lives and teaches with her three horses in Central Indiana. Lydia segued from a full time instruction career to the field ofpublic safety in 2014 and continues to teach a small number of students while working as a police officer and 9-1-1 dispatcher.