A Lesson in Conversation By Lydia Fairchok
I
had a wonderful conversation earlier this year. It wasn’t the most intellectual, most stimulating, or most entertaining. It wasn’t with people that I know particularly well or to whom I have any deep attachment. It took place during down time at a work event (not horse-related) and involved one of the speakers from the training that I was attending, as well as the speaker’s wife. What made it such a stand-out was that this couple was absolutely masterful at the art of conversation. With several people around the table and not much in common other than our careers, I watched as they used questions and relatable experiences to make sure that no one was quiet for too long and no one felt unimportant. When someone seemed left out of a topic, either the instructor or his wife would draw them back in with a new line of friendly inquiry. The flow of conversation was gently, skillfully moderated with just the right amount of subtle teamwork and genuine interest such that everyone had a wonderful time and learned new things about one another.
18
Winter 2019–20 | Riding Instructor
True conversation such as this is far too rare among family members, let alone colleagues. When our culture strives to proclaim its thoughts in 280-character Tweets, status updates, and memes, who takes time to practice the lost art of being a good conversationalist? An alarming number of interactions sound more like a Facebook feed discourse than people seeking to discover more about each other. In his book Didn’t See It Coming: Overcoming the Seven Greatest Challenges that No One Expects and Everyone Experiences, Carey Nieuwhof describes this modern substitute for conversation as a “string of mini-monologues” and correlates it to the sense of deep disconnection that many people feel despite technology making us more “connected” than ever before. This dynamic shows itself in
