Wireless Feb 2013 - Gt Manchester Edition

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PLUS: JAKE BUGG // BEAR GRYLLS // THE STAVES THE MILK - LIVE INSIDE THIS MAG // SICK CHIRPSE WEIRD UNI SOCIETIES // THE ONES TO WATCH 2013 This magazine uses interactive print

(Turn to Page 11 to find out what we’re on about)

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TESCO MORRISONS SAINSBURY’S

Holy shitballs, it’s 2013 already! By now our grandparents probably expected us to be kicking back with the robot butlers and getting a flying bus to uni. Oh well, maybe next year. Until then, this issue we have exclusive interviews with indie giants The Vaccines, with British rap hero Example, with the wee-drinking-salmon-munchingbug-licking legend Bear Grylls, with guitar playing whippersnapper Jake Bugg, and with soon to be huge lovely folk ladies The Staves. Plus our Ones To Watch 2013 shortlist, and loads of awesome competitions! And loads more too! Sexy x

February 2013 Edition

In this issue....

This Month, We Will Be...

06

Wireless Interactive!

11

The Vaccines Interview 13-15

Wireless Joins The Circus 18-19

Example Interview 20-21

The Staves Interview 24

Gap Year On A Budget 30

Bear Grylls Interview 34-35

Style Debate MassWinter TheLook: Get The 42-43 38-39

Cheap Night In: Valentine’s 44-45

NEWS - WHAT’S ON GUIDE - JAKE BUGG WEIRD SOCIETIES - GAP YEAR IDEAS LONELY HEARTS - THE MASS DEBATE COMPETITIONS - MUCH MORE...

The Ones To Watch 2013 49-52

This publication is aimed at people over the age of 18, due to the nature of its content. If you are under 18, we suggest you put this magazine down and pick up a copy of Kerrang or Seventeen or something. Sorry about that, our lawyers told us to tell you.

Whilst every care has been taken to ensure that the data in this publication is accurate, neither the publisher nor its editorial contributors can accept any liability to any party or loss or damage caused by errors or o missions resulting f rom negligence, accident or any other cause.

This edition of Wireless was created largely under the influence of rum, custard creams and enough Piraton to issue.... render a leopard entirely stationery.

PUBLISHED BY UK STUDENT MEDIA LTD Editor: Andy Scott Sub-editor: Joseph Smith Telephone 0151 345 3803 Contributors: Lucy Howell, Clare Barry, Steve Jordan, Advertising: Amy Pay, Chris Welsh, Tom Johnson, Adam Clements, Rachael sales@ukstudentmedia.net Campbell, Hannah Ellen Clare, Nathan Simm & Georgie Williams Editorial: Design: Andy Scott, Rob Armstrong, Zoey Lott Photos: Megan McCart, ITV Pictures, Rob Whitworth, Barry Horne info@wireless-online.co.uk Big thanks to: Carl at Big Mouth Publicity, Jemma at Purple PR, Dave at Wild, Claire at Atlantic Records, Everyone at ChuffMedia, Zippos Circus, The good people at Nelly.com, James at Sick Chirpse, Tom at Hall or Nothing, Everyone at Zeitgeist, Trek America, SendMyBag.com, Me Ma ‘n’ Da...

Also in this

Wireless Magazine (Greater Manchester) ISSN 2051-0284

03

NEWS

Grohl To Reunite With QOTSA At Download Festival Plus 37 more bands announced.

Just when you thought that this year's Download Festival couldn't get any more exciting, organizers have only gone and announced 37 more bands to the bill.

Jimmy Eat World, Down, Limp Bizkit, Korn, Airbourne, Enter Shikari and Cancer Bats will join the existing headliners Slipknot, Iron Maiden and Rammstein. The event will also feature Bullet For My Valentine, Mastodon and Stone Sour as well as Queens of the Stone reuniting with Dave Grohl. The Foo Fighters man has been filling in for QOTSA’s Joey Castillo on drums on their highly anticipated new album. If that isn't enough to get your metal juices flowing there are still more acts to be announced! We can't wait.

Flaming Norwegian Goats Cheese Shuts Motorway A motorway tunnel in Tysfjord, Norway, was shut down when a lorry load of goats cheese caught fire. 27 tonnes of the delicacy known as

Brunost was set aflame and remained burning for five days. Luckily nobody was hurt in the incident although the tunnel was badly damaged and is expected to smell like a tramps arse for many weeks to come.

Metallica Announces Stereophonics + White House Shoots Mick Hucknall Release Date Down Death Star Have Worst Idea Ever for 3D Movie Proposals

The US government has officially refused to build a 'Death Star'-style

weapon based on the one in the Star Wars movies after a petition for the move gained 34,000 signatures.

A formal response stated that 'the administration does not support blowing up planets'. Officials went on to explain that quite simply the $850,000,000,000,000,000 weapon would not be economically feasible during the current climate.

04

Welsh indie rockers The Stereophonics and Simply Red singer Mick Hucknall are to team up to re-record The Beatles' Please Please Me

in what must be the worst musical collaboration ever conceived. The cover album will be recorded at Abbey Road as part of the BBC's “The Golden Age Of The Album” season. The decision isn't expected to do wonders for justifying the licence fee.

Metallica have confirmed a US release date and title for their forthcoming 3D Movie. Metallica – Through

The

Never

will

have its American premiere o n 9 t h August. The f i l m reportedly a hybrid of concert footage and fictional feature. Little is known about the plot at this point but fans can be assured that if the fictional part of the movie falls on its face, the 3D concert footage is bound to be awesome.

...listening to Pure Love Anthems

Out 4th Feb

Pure Love feature the vocal talents of exGallows frontman Frank Carter along with ex-Hope Conspiracy guitarist Jim Carroll. It’s a world away from their hardcore punk roots though, with tracks that wouldn’t sound out of place on a latter day Green Day album or mid-afternoon Radio 1. Still, as the album title suggests, there are some pretty massive tunes on there.

Foals Holy Fire

Out 11th Feb

Foals are one of those bands that have loads of songs you know, but you didn’t who they were by. A modern day Crowded House you might say. Ultra cool and bouncy in equal measures (imagine a snowman in a trilby, on a spacehopper), tracks like My Number and Inhaler are just brilliant pop nuggets.

Buy it.

Bastille Pompeii Out 24th Feb

If they keeps releasing tracks like this, Bastille are destined to become one of pop’s heavyweights this year.

Pompeii is one of those pop songs you don’t feel embarrassed to admit you like, even though you just heard it on in the background of Hollyoaks or advertising Tampons while a bikini clad lady 06

straddles a horse. Think Justice meets Madeon and you’re half way there...

...and a classic Jimmy Eat World B l e e d American OK, so 2001 wasn’t exactly a vintage year for music, but amongst all the Britney Spears and Destiny’s Child shite, there was this gem of an album. One of the pioneers of “emocore” (before it was all about the haircuts and tight pants) J.E.W created an album, nay a barrage, of awesome tunes from start to finish. Stand out tracks include Sweetness, A Praise Chorus and Salt Sweat Sugar. You need this in your ears...

...going to see A Good Day To Die Hard

Out 14th Feb

Ok, so it’s one of the worst names for a film sequel ever, but that aside this looks ace. It’s balls to the wall shoot em up action, and Bruce’s John McClane doesn’t disappoint with his usual tough guy quips and general sweaty vestiness (not a real word Ed). This time his son is involved, and they take on the Russians, with fatalities a-gogo. Yippee Ki yay and all that.

...playing Dead Space 3

Out 8th Feb - PS3

If you are into shooting badly fucking scary

looking alien robot things and what appears to be a cross between a massive tarantula and the world’s most menacing looking Meccano set, then Dead Space 3 is probably your bag. The tagline “Take Down The Terror In Co-Op” doesn’t refer to some sort of Al Qaeda trolley dash, but infact it means you and a friend can kick shit out of gory stuff together. Plus your friend can hold your hand while you close your eyes and wet yourself a bit too. Cos it’s that scary you see.

...wearing Astrosmash T-shirt £12 • 8ball.co.uk

What in the n a m e o f Brucie’s wobbly bollocks is an Astrosmash tshirt we hear you cry? Well, it’s a pretty cool tshirt inspired

by Sheldon from Big Bang Theory/an 80s video game.

Which would normally sound like a bag of crap, but check it out. You’re gonna look flipping swell.

...celebrating Valentines Day!

Feb 14th, as if it hadn’t been thrust upon you already by now.

If you’ve got a girlfriend or boyfriend, this is a lovely excuse to spoil them and treat them like they’re up on the pedestal they deserve to be. If not, just light a few candles, treat yourself to a nice bottle of wine, stick a bit of Lionel Ritchie on, close the curtains and crank* like there’s no tomorrow. Wonder if Moonpig do a card for that...?

*To Crank: To satisfy one’s natural urges whilst weeping uncontrollably. Best reserved for special occasions such as birthdays, Xmas, New Years or St Valentines...

This month, we will be mostly...

A QUICK WORD WITH

JAKE BUGG

If you don't know who Jake Bugg is by now you'll soon find out. The Nottingham singer has had a number 1 album, toured with Noel Gallagher and sold out two tours. Not bad for someone who is only 18.

Hi Jake, you've just got back from America how was that?

I started off in Seattle and then went up to Canada. Then we went down to New York, Chicago, and then Kentucky, Nashville and Texas. It was a crazy tour.

What's the best thing to come out of being on tour with Noel Gallagher?

Probably getting used to playing in front of his crowds, the bigger crowds.

Good practice for your own shows?

Yeah, I'm really looking forward to the tour coming up. It's going to be great, I get to play Shepherds Bush on my birthday, the last day of the tour.

Is that a birthday present or a happy coincidence?

Well we already had a Shepherds Bush date for the 27th, and my birthday's on the 28th, but then it sold out so they added another date on my birthday, which is cool.

It's been a really good year for singer-song writers, why do you think people are choosing to get their guitar music from a solo artist rather than bands?

Well there are a lot of bands who're just a wall of sound, they write one good tune but when they try and write others it's just the same. And a lot of bands struggle because it's hard you know? You've got to earn a living and at the same time you've got to practice, be good on your instrument and write great songs.

-T

HE-

C

T

H

OONES WAT

Jake’s self titled debut album is out now, and he’s touring now too!

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February

WORDS: NATHAN SIMM & TOM JOHNSON

ther side) (and a bit ei

HIGHLIGHTS & LOW POINTS

Manchester

Plan B 2nd Feb @ MEN Arena

The rapper turned singer makes his live return with new songs featured on film Ill Manors. He brings friends Labrinth and Rudimental to the party to make for what should be a hit-packed night.

Metropolis

1st Feb @ Victoria Warehouse

With acts such as Chase & Status, Shy FX and TC on the bill this is a great chance to see some of the UK's leading drum + b a s s a n d dubstep acts in a more intimate environment.

This is bound to sell out, so get yourself a ticket or start practicing your doorman bargaining skills...

22nd Fe

ed and most underrat One of the best ng hi yt er w years, Ev bands of the last fe th wi er st he to Manc Everything return d an p po tal of and their awesome br you’ve falsetto vocals. If test la r ei not heard th commend album Arc yet, we re ur local you pop down to yo store rd non-defunct reco n the ar le , py pick up a co your t ge en th d words an arse to this gig.

Zoe Lyons

23rd Feb @ O2 Academy

Deftones

female Not your standard e h comedian. T t upcoming ac ow sh w ne r brings he ' 'Pop-up comedian s ce en to bigger audi V T g n i follow ck Mo on s ce an appear The Week.

Example

1st Mar @ MEN Arena

If 2012 was anyone's year, it was Example's.

Constantly in the charts, forever on the radio and never off of our telly screens, Example is back to reign supreme over 2013 with his first Arena tour. Support comes from Dubstep producer Benga who also appears at his aftershow party @ Joshua Brookes.

X Factor Live 27th Jan @ MEN Arena

Fresh from their 15 minutes of fame comes the onslaught of Simon Cowell’s latest castoffs. Catch them quick before they each return to their respective call centre/supermarket checkout.

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ing Everything Everyb t@hAc ademy

18th Feb @ Academy

The Grammy award winning rockers bring t h e i r atmospheric live show to Manchester with their brilliant new album 'Koi No Yokan'. Support comes from the energetic LetLive.

Reel Big Fish tz 27th Feb @ The Ri

t h e i r B r i n g i n g t live ea gr ly nt te consis th e me pe rf or ma nc e co s nk s pu aSk n Ca li fo rn ia on m bu al w ne e th touring d rl wo ' Fury their 'Candy Coated is s nd ge Le burban tour. Support from Su . ed ss mi be to t no also

Justin Bieber 22nd Feb @ MEN Arena

Last time Mr Bieber came to Manchester, a bunch of roads were closed off and it took ages to get across town while I was on the way to the pub. For that reason alone, he can piss off.

WE DID A CLEVER. Not content with being an all round lovely magazine that not only tries to bring you sexy interviews with awesome bands but would open the door for you, stand up for you on the bus and maybe even take your bins out if you fancied a lie in - now we’ve decided to make the mag that little bit more clever by incorporating LAYAR technology into it!

What the shitting bejeebus is that we hear you cry?

Good question. Well basically, it means that we can bring certain pages of the magazine to life by incorporating videos, 3D images, games, shopping and loads more - just using your phone!

Well, to demonstrate it’s awesomeness we got our good friends The Milk to play a little gig just for you. Scan the image below using the Layar app, and look what happens...how good is that?

So basically, keep an eye out for the Layar logo in the mag, cos you never know what cheeky treats there might be in store for you!

11

The Vaccines

Two Years, Two Albums and One Huge Gig...

In the space of just two years The Vaccines have released two studio albums, reached the top of the charts and toured all over, as well as supporting some of the biggest bands in history. You would think some time off would be welcomed. Instead, bass player Árni Hjörvar is complaining about sitting at home with nothing to do, dying to get on the road again to tour the new album, Come of Age, which went straight to number one in September.

They recently announced they will play London's O2 Arena in May and with a capacity of

20,000 people this will be their biggest headline show to date - although the reality hasn't quite sunk in yet: “It scares the living shit out of me. I've been to gigs there; it's a big old place.

It will feel very real when we get there.”

That won't be the only show that The Vaccines headline in May - they will also be playing in Margate, Carlisle, Leeds and Llandudno throughout the month.

The quartet has had plenty of experience playing to large crowds. They have supported Arctic Monkeys both in the UK and US as well as the Stone Roses at Heaton Park in June. Árni describes the reunion

WORDS: LUCY HOWELL gig: “It was a big crowd! It was brilliant. There were 75,000 middle aged former ravers who all went out and got crazy for one night and it was brilliant. We were surrounded by people who were re-living their youth.

I thought we were gonna just get bottled off stage but they were quite nice.”

After another triumphant set at Reading and Leeds Festival this summer where they were third from the top of the bill on the main stage, the bass player tries to explain how it feels: “You can't really qualify it in a word- its not fear- you're overwhelmed- it's really difficult to stop yourself from hysterically laughing or something but it's

13

incredible.” incredible.”

When When askedasked what it what wasit like wasplaying like playing to a to a room room full full of accredited of accredited musicians, musicians, he's silent he's silent for a for a moment. moment.

“Oh shit “Oh of shit courseof coursewe played we played didn't didn't we?!”we?!”

He He exclaims. exclaims.

“To be “Tohonest be honest I I just blocked just blocked that memory that memory out out of my of mind. my mind.

It was It fucking was fucking nervenerve racking. racking.

You're You're playing playing to your to heroes your heroes and and it's it's a very a very sterile sterile and and boring boring environment environment to play to play in – in nobody – nobody gives gives a fuck. a fuck.

There There are just are just loads loads of of people people talking talking over you. overBut you. But anyway, anyway, yeah yeah it was it fun. was fun.

Graham Graham CoxonCoxon was was very very complimentary.” complimentary.”

There There were times were times when the when the band's band's futurefuture didn't didn't look look quite quite so rosy. so rosy. Árni recalls Árni recalls their their first first ever gig everasgig theas the opening opening act in act Leicester in Leicester wherewhere they played they played to just tosix just six peoplepeoplethe parents the parents of the of the main band. main band.

“The next “The gig nextwas gig was even worse! even worse!

We were We setting were setting up for upa for gigain gig Nottingham in Nottingham Rescue Rescue Rooms.

Rooms.

There There were were like like hundreds hundreds of people of people flooding flooding into the intoplace the place and and we couldn't we couldn't believe believe it. When it. When we went we out went toout play, to play, it turns it turns out everyone out everyone went to went a party to a party extremely extremely exciting.” exciting.” (formerly (formerly signed signed to Stiff to Stiff in a in different a different room. room.

So weSo we Records Records recording recording under under the the were were just just playing playing to the to the So howSo did how these did these modern modern day day name name Jay Jay Jay Pistolet) Pistolet) barman. barman.

There There were were a few a few Ramones Ramones come come about? about? Árni Árni through through mutual mutual friends friends and and like that like(laughs).” that (laughs).” d e s c rd ie bs ec sr i bheiss hniast i vn ea t i vthey e they recruited recruited Freddie Freddie country, country, Iceland, Iceland, as 'dark as 'dark CowanCowan (the younger (the younger brother brother But here they they are with are with and cold and cold and boring.' and boring.'

He He of Tomoffrom Tom The fromHorrors) The Horrors) and and But here their their second second album album Come of Come of moved moved over to over England to England in 2007 in 2007 Pete Robertson, Pete Robertson, to form to The form The Age which Age which shot straight shot straight to to wherewhere he only he only intended intended to to Vaccines.

Vaccines. the top the of topthe of UK thecharts.

UK charts. for a foryear a year whilst whilst stay stay After After the debut the debut album album What What studying studying at theat Institute the Institute of ofSkip on Skip to 2012 on toand 2012 they andhad they had did you did expect you expect from from The The C o n tCeomnptoermaproyr a M ru y s iMcu s ian c NME anAward NME Award for 'Best for 'Best New New Vaccines Vaccines was such was asuch success, a success, Performance Performance (other (other alumni alumni Band'Band' under under their their belts. belts. being being the highest the highest sold debut sold debut of last of year, last year, there there was a was lot a lot twice twice record record the same the same to make to make wantwant “We didn't “We didn't o f so pf e csupleactuiloant i ao n d a n d in doinganticipation ed ineddoing ely succeed ely succeed we definit we definit think I think and Iand anticipation for the for next the next loose.” loose.” let let of of kind kind we we album. album.

“We didn't “We didn't want want to to around around time time this this that... that... make the makesame the record same record twicetwice and Iand think I think we definitely we definitely “The NME “TheisNME sort is sort include include Ben Ben succeeded succeeded in doing in doing that. that. of like of a like bible a bible for people for people Sargeant Sargeant of The of Script The Script and and It's It's straight straight up simple, up simple, like us growing us growing up,” says up,” says D r e wD r Oe 'wC o On 'n Ce ol nl n eflrlo m f r olike m direct direct pop music. pop music.

But this But this Árni. Árni.

“Even “Even seeing seeing the first the first Babyshambles).

Babyshambles).

But But he he time around time around we kind we of kind let of let piece piece they they wrotewrote about about us us stayed stayed as 'London as 'London has got has got loose.” loose.”

The songs The songs are a are lot a lot was just was mind-blowing. just mind-blowing.

And And this this tendency tendency of just of just more more diverse diverse and some and some are are then then they they wrotewrote about about us us hanging hanging on toonpeople.' to people.'

In In harder-hitting harder-hitting whilst whilst still still quite quite a lota and lot then and then they they 2010, 2010, Árni met ÁrniJustin met Justin Young Young being being easy on easy theonears. the ears. Árni Árni gave us gave this us award this award - it is - it is 14

says: says: “After“After recording recording this this is to is write to write a songa about song about it. it. album album we came we came out of outthe of the I don't I don't think think Justin Justin wantswants to to The bass The player bass player has been has in been in studio studio a lot a more lot confident. more confident. be a girl. be a girl.

It wasItjust was one justofone to of punk to music punk music from a from young a young And with And with gigs like gigs Reading like Reading those those - I wonder - I wonder what what it it age, he age, likes he likes 'uncomfortable 'uncomfortable and Leeds and Leeds you come you off comestage off stage wouldwould be like be if like I was if Ia was hot a hot music' music' including including Icelandic Icelandic a lot more a lotconfident more confident than you than you girl?' girl?'

The band The are bandall arefans all fans band The bandSugarcubes The Sugarcubes and the and the were before were before you went you on.” went .” on.” .” of throw-away of throw-away pop needs pop needs and and likes likes of Dead of Kennedys Dead Kennedys and and The band The kept band the keptsame the ethos same ethos base most base of most their of their songs songs on on The Clash.

The Clash.

The band's The band's pre- prebut but this this strong strong self-selfp e r s op ne ar ls o neaxlp e re ix ep ne cr ei se ,n c e s h, o w s hroiwt u ar li t uianlc l ui dn ec sl u d e s assurance assurance allowed allowed them them to to k e e pkienegp i tn hg e t lh ye r ilcysr i clistening s listening to these to these bands,bands, explore explore and experiment and experiment more more straightforward. straightforward. drinking drinking a fewa beers few beers and aand a with this withrecord. this record. 'big 'big cheesy cheesy hug'.hug'.

The The When the Whenband the supported band supported Red Red Vaccines Vaccines don't don't really really want want There There are some are corkers some corkers on on Hot Hot Chilli Chilli Peppers Peppers at at to be to labelled be labelled under under a a the record, the record, particularly particularly 'No 'No Dublin's Dublin's Crooke Crooke Park Park in in specific specific genre genre but but Árni Árni Hope',Hope', the lively the lively and riffand riffJune, June, the Chilli the Chilli Peppers Peppers believes believes 'punk' 'punk' musicmusic packed packed 'Teenage 'Teenage Icon',Icon', punky punky made amade lasting a lasting impression impression on on teaches teaches you it's younot it's what notyou what you 'Bad Mood' 'Bad Mood' (which (which is Árni's is Árni's them. them. Árni says: Árni says: “You would “You would play play but how but you how play you play it- itcurrent current favourite) favourite) and the and the think think after after all this alltime thisand time and “It's “It's all about all about the energy,” the energy,” infectious 'I Always everything they've they've gone gone he says. he says.

And The And Vaccines The Vaccines infectious 'I Always Knew'Knew' everything whichwhich is their is their latest latest through through they they wouldwould have have certainly certainly have bucket have bucket loads loads single. single.

Probably Probably the oddest the oddest become become tired tired by now. by now.

But But of that. of that. song on song theon record the record is 'I Wish is 'I Wish what they whatput they input to each in toshow each show I W aIs Waa s G iar l 'G.i r lÁ'r.n i Á r nis i sois inspiring. so inspiring.

They're They're The Vaccines The Vaccines are an areindie an indie describes describes the track the track written written always always first first in in in the in the hurricane hurricane coming coming to a town to a town

by Justin

by Justin as 'One as of 'One those of those morning morning and every and every night night they they near you nearsoon, you soon, catch catch them if them if classic classic examples examples of everyone of everyone put on putthe on best the best show show they they you can. you can.

They will They be will back be back in theinworld the world who has whostopped has stopped possibly possibly could.” could.”

Are The Are The in May in to Maykick to kick off the off UK the UK for five for five seconds seconds in a in daya day Vaccines Vaccines in it in foritthe forlong the long stint stint of their of their lengthy lengthy tour. tour. over a over bizarre a bizarre thought thought but but haul? haul?

“If you “Ifcan youhold can on hold to on to Check Check out the out video the video for for never never think think about about it again it again that amount that amount of energy of energy they do they do latest latest single single 'I Always 'I Always b u t btuhte tbhees t b ewsaty wtaoy t-o yeah.

- yeah.

But if Butyou if can't you can't Knew'Knew' on theon band's the band's official official immortalise immortalise a stupid a stupid thought thought there's there's no point,” no point,” he says. he says.Youtube Youtube page. page.

“Ther “Ther e were e were likelike hundr hundr eds eds of peopl of peopl e flood e flood ing ing intointo the the place place and and we could we could n't n't belie belie ve it... ve it... turns turns out out every every one one wentwent to ato a party party in ain a diffe diffe rentrent room. room. ..” ..”

15

Make sure you’re part of The Gathering In 2013 Ireland is having a get together like no other: a celebration of Irishness through a dazzling array of events and festivals. The whole country’s up for it, and we want YOU to be part of it.

From Dunfanaghy to Dingle, all manner of gatherings will be taking place. Whatever your connection to Ireland, we invite you to join the action that’s already lined up.

Then again, you might want to throw a gathering of your own.

Let’s make it happen!

Get ready to have the time of your life.

Fire your imagination. Make your story.

Be part of history.

Like The Gathering Ireland on Facebook and let us inspire you to be part of it.

Gatherings to get you going St. Patrick’s Festival Dublin, 14 – 18 March 2013 Seize this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to walk in the world-famous parade.

Cat Laughs Comedy Festival Kilkenny, 31 May - 3 June 2013 The festival showcases the very best in Irish and international comedy acts, blending renowned comic stars as well as newcomers, it attracts visitors to the charming medieval city of Kilkenny and its surrounding regions.

Galway Arts Festival Galway, 15 - 28 July 2013 Galway Arts Festival is Ireland's largest annual gathering of artistic events including theatre, spectacle, dance, visual arts, music, literature and comedy.

Puck Fair Killorglin, Co. Kerry, 9 – 12 August 2013 Celebrating its 400th year, this famous gathering is the place where a goat is crowned king.

Clan Gatherings Across Ireland, various dates 2013 Calling all Kellys, Gallaghers and O’Driscolls, find your family gathering!

Soon you’ll be meeting up with relatives and friends… and making new ones!

You’ll find details of many more great gatherings right now on our website, thegatheringireland.com

s s e l e r i W does the

WORDS: JOSEPH SMITH

'So what can you do then?' A stoney faced ringmaster asked me. It was my first and only day working at Zippo's Circus as part of a series of articles I'm hoping to call “Shit You Can Get Away With When You Write For A Magazine Or Say You're Terminally Ill.” We were in Sheffield and everyone was a little grumpy because it was pissing down and they'd spent all day draining out the sludge from the big top.

'Ugh, I was hoping I could learn some tricks.'

those things take years to learn. 'Maybe I could be a clown or something?'

The ringmaster told me that he'd see if the clowns could fit me into a sketch. He was an interesting character and strangely misanthropic for someone who worked so closely with children. None of the cast seemed particularly cheery but that was understandable when you considered that some of them were from as far away as Kenya and now they were spending their summer knee deep in cow shit and pneumonia. The drizzle

“It seems a little unjust that a world class travelling acrobat has to work their own box office when all you have to do to become famous these days is be a moderately bad singer....”

In particular I was hoping to learn how to do back flips, eat fire and fly like David Copperfield but there was only a couple of hours until the show and I'd only just been told that all of

didn't dampen my spirits however and I settled down to enjoy the part of the show that I wasn't being humiliated in.

the show was that, as a child, I didn't remember the

circus being so sexy. Since the ban on exotic animals circuses have had to fill the void with TV talent show style dance routines featuring strange women in skimpy outfits. Maybe it's always been like this and I was just too innocent to realize when I was 8. One

What struck me most about

animal they were allowed to make perform was the humble household budgie. They had birds driving cars, operating mini carousels and sliding down little slides. I couldn't get enough of that shit.

Far from being dated, the circus had completely anticipated the humour of the internet age. If I wasn't there I'd probably 18

be watching budgies driving cars on Youtube. 'Ultimate Fail Compilations' are accounted for in the slapstick frolics of the clowns who take so many nut shots I was beginning to feel a dull pain in my own plums. Also, there were a lot of fart jokes which is right up my street.

It was interesting to see that in a circus community everybody does everything.

There were jugglers selling popcorn and trapeze artists manning the ticket booth.

It seems a little unjust that a world class travelling acrobat has to work their own box office when all you have to do to become famous these days is be a moderately bad singer.

There are reasons why circuses wouldn't translate well to television however. Our friend the ringmaster made a bit of an un-PC joke about his assistant during the budgie act (“These birds cost money, while these birds just spend it all”).

What I also found a little questionable was a chair dancing routine performed by the Zippo young ladies who were wearing top hats and Christina Aguilera length school girl skirts (I later found out that one of them was just 13).

Ethical hang-ups aside the whole show was fucking awesome. A fire-eater who

looked like a Spanish Jack Sparrow must have been the coolest motherfucker alive and the cage of death motorbike finale was jaw dropping. It seems contradictory that in the interests of preventing cruelty they've replaced elephants with the near decapitation of a stage assistant as three grown men fly around her on bikes, sometimes upside down, at 70 miles an hour in a ten by ten foot sphere. How do you even train for something like that? One mistake and you'll all be exploding into clouds of bean juice and engine oil.

My part came when I was 'randomly' selected from the audience to take part in a Star Wars parody devised by one of the clowns.

Reluctant parents were dragged out to perform the parts of Luke, Leia and Darth Vader, and I got off particularly easy as the clacker boy for this imaginary film recording.

What I had to do was simple: when the clown yelled action I'd dance across the stage like Charlie Chaplain, manoeuvre to the front of the fake camera, scratch my head, scratch my arse, perform two mid-air skips before landing on one knee and hitting the clacker. The others were shown their parts and it was time to roll. The lights went low, the 20th Century Fox music played, the MGM

Lion (played by a clown) roared, and then... action.

I awkwardly hobbled across the stage, went through all of my instructions. I jumped up, did the two mid air skips, landed on one knee just in time as the music stopped, pushed down on the clacker – but it didn't work. The clacker was stuck. I was under the spotlight in the middle of a big top in front of a confused audience of five hundred just kneeling there like a wally. It turns out that the hinge was faulty on the prop. I must have been wrestling with the thing for a hellishly long twenty seconds in which I started to wonder whether I was

actually having a bad dream. The sound of laughing children isn't such a pleasant noise when the gags are unscripted.

Even the clowns had a good laugh.

I'd had a great day; I'd laughed my ass off, ate too many sweets and had my face painted. I'd also learnt that to make it in the circus you need extreme self-discipline, unwavering dedication and the willingness to show a little flesh. I'd experienced firsthand the terror of being in front of an audience of screaming children, and later the racial discrimination you face on East Midlands trains when your face is painted like a Tiger. But that's another article for another time...

19

An Interview With

Example

...on coming of age, therapy, & the inspiration behind his latest album

“It’s sort of half an apology to my last girlfriend and half self-help; a coming of age.”

This year Elliot John Greave turned 30 years old and the artist known as Example is facing a particularly ‘transitional period’ at the end of his third decade.

“I went to a session last year and I learnt a bit about myself. Some of the stuff that the therapist was saying to me just clicked in my head and that gave me inspiration for songs. I just wanted to be really honest on this album about everything I’ve been through in the last few years.”

Example has consistently written autobiographically 20

throughout his career but head to it, or it can evoke rarely have his lyrics emotions and then after four been as revealing as on the or five listens people go and forthcoming ‘Evolution of analyse the lyrics and learn Man’. The new album sees the something about the meaning. rapper coming to terms with drug use, infidelity and the “I write most of my songs pitfalls of success. With with live shows in mind. When songs such as ‘Crying Out you gig it’s mostly about the For Help’ and ‘All My Lows’ emotion or the atmosphere even the track listings that you get.” sound like a psychoanalytic transcript. All of this moody It was probably a combination self-reflection doesn’t mean of existential angst and experience of example has gone soft on extensive us however; the rawness of playing larger live venues the content is more than “When you gig it’s mostly about matched by the emotion or the atmosphere the sound:

that you get”

“When I listen to songs, because I write lyrics all I do is study the lyrics. I think the key thing about the music as a whole is that you can listen to it and nod your

which resulted in this album’s second most striking feature: Evolution Of Man is at least in some part a rock record. Elliot is quick to point out that this doesn’t

mean that Example is now a band (most of the trance and dubstep elements have been retained for existing fans) but the list of influences that went into making these songs will surprise some.

“I’ve always been a big fan of guitar bands. I spent most of my teen years listening to grunge and metal. It just felt like the right time to make it.”

The inspiration for EOM reads like a roll call of 90s mainstream rock acts, ranging from the industrial metal-pop of Marilyn Manson, to the solo heavy fuzz of Sound Garden. The Harsh riffs and direct vocals of ‘Crying Out For Help’ will immediately bring Rage Against The Machine to mind.

Despite the heavy moments, homage is also paid to lighter contemporary bands; lead single ‘Say Nothing’ follows The Killers’ formula of jangly guitars entwined with synthesizers. Which brings us to something else worth mentioning.

‘Say Nothing’ is one of four tracks on the album which features a rather unlikely guest star.

“Graham Coxon is regarded as one of the best guitarists of his generation. I just thought I’d be cheeky enough to ask him and he said yes, I didn’t actually expect him to but he said yes!

studio to write with him, he just lent his guitar playing to the album.”

dancing and body popping in a car park, or somebody having a house party – just gangs of kids dancing together.

The idea for the collaboration first came “I just wanted to go back about when the pair met at to some of the videos I used a War Child gig, then again to watch in the 90s, like at the BRITs. If you think Metallica, Sound Garden, the idea of the Blur-man Nirvana, The Prodigy, Blur – appearing on what is broadly they all had really abstract an electronic record hard to “I just wanted to go back to grasp you are some of the videos I used to not the only one; Example watch in the 90s” seemingly can’t believe his videos and they didn’t luck to be playing with one really make much sense or of his idols. have anything to do with the song, but they looked great For a great – er, example - of and had amazing characters what to expect from the new and amazing locations. Some Example album, the current of them were quite scary single ‘Close Enemies’ is a and quite warped like a bad fine demonstration of both dream. So that’s basically the characteristic guitar the sort of idea I wanted for work and brooding lyrical the Close Enemies video.” content. The video for the song is even more unusual. Many music channels Featuring a psychopathic responded to the disturbing chainsaw killer, a clown content by banning the video, resembling Stephen King’s although it’s unlikely to It and a weird Silent Hill- deter fans from watching it esque black-gunk-vomiting online. For better or worse, box-head man, the clip’s Example’s darker side is now release did well to coincide out for everyone to see. That with the Halloween period. much is inevitable.

“I was watching TV in February this year, some music channels, and I just realised that all of the videos were identical. They were all either like, gig footage or they had people

Evolution Of Man is out now, with UK Arena Tour dates throughout February & March.

Visit www.trythisforexample.com for more details...

“It’s not like I got him in the

21

11 Weird Societies WORDS: JOSEPH SMITH / TOM JOHNSON

We all know that University is a time to find yourself, a time for growth and self discovery. But most of all, it’s a time to make large groups of friends, and then proceed to wrestle them in custard. Yep, Uni Societies are an odd bunch, sometimes...

The Jedi Council

As members of one of the world's fastest growing religions, followers of the Jedi Church deserve all the spiritual guidance facilitated to other beliefs; it's great to see that some universities are already forming their own Jedi Councils.

(Liverpool John Moores Uni)

The Assassins' Guild (Sheffield Uni)

Chocolate Society (UCL)

This is a great society to join if you've just went through a particularly emotional break up; if things are really bad you might want to organize a joint night out with the Ice Cream and Tearfully Punching a Pillow Society.

22

She ffi eld Ass ass ins are quick to point out tha t they're not a band of blo od thirsty murderers but the organisers of innovativ e rea l tim e gam es wh ich inv olv e 'as sas sin ati ng' other members with fak e weapons. Sounds pretty coo l anyway though.

Zombie Society (Bristol Uni)

Rock, Paper, (Bath Uni) Scissors Society

+ + Stitch, Bitch & ) Bake (Northumbria Uni es, Do you love cak ng gi ag sl patchwork and r ei th nd hi be people off y et ci so is th at ll We back? e os th you can enjoy all of e. ac pl me sa things in the body It's amazing how no e, for be it of t gh ou th has e th in why wasn't this Olympics?

If you're one of the paranoid (some would say smart) few who worry constantly about what would happen if a zombie outbreak occurred. If you look at our picture of Zombie Pat Sharp, then you can see that this would be a terrifying ordeal. Don’t worry though, Uni of Bristol's Zombie Soc can help you prepare for the inevitable.

Their training exercises involve Nerf soft dart guns however; it's health and safety gone mad!

Can't decide who's buying the first round? Or whose turn it is to do the washing up? Or who gets to try it on first with the hottie at the bar? This lot never have that problem. RSI, multiple choice decisions and accidentally calling people a wanker who don’t realise you’re playing a game, however, are more pending issues...

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Gin So (St Andrew Gin Society Uni)

The aim of Nudism is to erase the The aim of Nudism to erase the it's stigma around is being naked and stigma around being naked and it's usually associated with flabby usually associated withbutflabby middle-aged people, if you're middle-aged but if you're going topeople, take advantage of all the goingalcohol to takethrown advantage of all the your at you during alcohol thrown at you during your student life the chances are that student life end the up chances you'll naked are in that front of you'll end up front anyway. of strangers naked quite inoften strangers quite often anyway.

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23

WORDS: MAX KENNEDY

THE STAVES ...on travel, moustaches and making friends with pandas.

Three years ago I saw 3 sisters from Watford c a p t i v a t e a n unsuspecting audience in the small venue in Portsmouth; last week they played Wembley arena to 12,000 people “It's a completely different animal, I was worried it might be scary- but in the big ones it's kind of easier to zone out and get into your own world; it was mad,” says the youngest of the siblings, Camilla Staveley-Taylor.

(See what they did there'Staves'/'Staveley'?)

The newly released single, 'Tongue Behind My Teeth', took the girls to Spain for the video- “It's where they shot all the Westerns, like Fist Full of Dollars; all the sets are still there. It was really fun. We all said 'imagine if we could make a Cowboy video?!' Have a day's shooting and mess around and dress up in the 45 degree heat,” Armed with guns and samurai swords it's clear that while the band might look and sound like indiescene sweethearts, they're a force to be reckoned with.

Unfortunately, interviews can't be all fun and games, someone had touch on the more pressing issues: Cowboys or Pirates?

“I feel like a pirate would be more fun, get to travel more- see “Sometimes it takes people by m o r e A surprise and has the effect of places. while ago I went and making them listen...” travelled beautiful blood-harmonies around India for a few months are becoming harder and and the girls went to harder to escape from. But Thailand. I'd really like to why would you want to? With go to rural China, normally Bon Iver and Tom Jones when we think of China we amongst their fans, you'd be think about the big cities a fool to deny such vocal but it would be amazing to perfection. see how the nature is there

The Staves are swiftly becoming a name to remember, with their exquisite debut album on the shelves and some TV appearances under their belts, their hauntingly

24

and people living really simple lives; disappear into the Chinese wilderness and befriend a panda, naturally.”

Movember- friend or foe?

“I think that every boy reaches a time when they decide to experiment with facial hair- sometimes it's good, but often it's very very bad. But if you can raise some money for a good cause then go for it, handlebar it up!”

Camilla and her band have a phenomenal talent in making audiences forget about their Facebook notifications and Twitter feeds whilst on stage. “I think it's the three part harmonies; maybe it's because you don't hear it that much, sometimes that takes people by surprise and has the effect of making them listen” It's a sense of innocent escapism that is increasingly hard to find these days, and it's something they've cultivated with the wisdom of artists far their senior.

The Staves' debut album 'Dead & Born & Grown' is available now and if you love music and don't own it, then have a word with yourself.

25

·Gap Year Ideas ·10 Places NOT To Go ·Volunteering Ideas ·Bear Grylls ·Gap Year On A Budget ·Competitions!!!

In association with

Find out more info at our website:

www.wirelessmag.co.uk/travel 27

gap year ideas. six of the best ways to travel the world In a nutshell?:

Pelican is a class A tall ship that regularly crosses the Atlantic and visits destinations all over the world. Booking a holiday on the ship means becoming a trainee member of the crew and actually helping to sail it.

How much?:

Varies depending on the voyage. See website

Anything else?: Bursaries are available for 16 to 25 year olds to help with the cost. See website for details!

T.S. Pelican

Contact: www.adventureundersail.com

In a nutshell?: Company specialising in adventure holidays and tours in North America. 3 to 64 day holidays promise the freedom of the open road and the adventure of a lifetime.

How much?: Mini-holidays go from around £500 while 9 week treks can cost up to £5000.

Anything else?: Voted best tour operator to the USA in this year’s British Travel Awards.

Trek America

Contact: www.trekamerica.com

In a nutshell?:

An award winning travel company which provides once in a lifetime trips for both blind & sighted people. Sighted travellers can holiday at a 50% discount in return for providing visual descriptions for their blind fellow trekkers.

How much?:

Sighted traveller holidays vary from £500 - £2000

Anything else?:

Traveleyes 28

A further 20% discount for students!

Contact: Tel: 08448 040 221 Email: info@traveleyes-international.com Website www.traveleyes-international.com

In a nutshell?:With jobs for graduates in the UK becoming scarcer by the day, GET Australia offers comprehensive support and ease for those who want to live and work in Australia.

The package will first of all help with flights and will then help participants settle into life down under, by assisting them in finding a job!

How much?: Prices from £369 Anything else?:

Get Australia

GET Australia has a dedicated office in Sydney which participants can use as often as they please for a whole range of support, whilst in Australia.

Contact: http://www.getaustralia.com/

In a nutshell?: Camp

America gives the opportunity for young people to spend their summer in the USA, working on a childrens summer camp. Participants are also given the opportunity to travel wherever they please, afterwards. The role is great for personal development and you’re guaranteed to make plenty of great friendships along the way.

How much?: Prices from £587

Anything else?:

Camp America

Camp America has been going for over 40 years and is the market leader in sending young people to camp each summer.

Contact: http://www.campamerica.co.uk/

In a nutshell?: A website that provides expert advice in planning round the world trips helping you book flights, accommodation and activities.

How much?: Options are available for budgets from under £1000 to over £2000.

Anything else?: Regular updates on the best deals.

perts Round The World Ex

Contact: www.roundtheworldexperts.co.uk

For loads more Gap Year Ideas, visit our website at

www.wirelessmag.co.uk/travel 29

GAP YEAR, ON A BUDGET Times are hard and not everyone can afford to go travelling on a gap year. But what are gap years really about? Making the most of your short time on this beautiful planet? Broadening your mind through experiencing a multitude of different cultural viewpoints? Or is it about amassing an impressive collection of Facebook photos to boast about? Fortunately you don't even have to leave Britain to create the holiday snaps you need to back up your bull shit travel stories. Here are some falsified gap year photos we took right here in depressing small town Blighty.

At the Eiffel Tower, Paris

top of a Standing on Jungle is Massive cliff or a hill

A quick trip to Blackpool, a delightful beret and a hefty grin, and who’d know you weren’t staying in France? Infact this is even better, as you can go on terrifying old rollercoasters, get your palm read, and buy edible knickers from a vending machine...

Eating Some of The Local Exotic Food

Enjoying the famous Landmarks Oh, didn't you know there was more than one Taj Mahal? We saw the real Taj Mahal, not that over-hyped tourist trap in India. A must-see, especially for anyone within five miles of Waterloo.

30

Standing on top of a cliff or a hill

Yes, it would be quite an experience to brave the Amazon Rainforest and to see all that wildlife surrounding you. But in all fairness, it pisses down in Britain most of the time, so you’re halfway there already.

Get on your long shorts, visit your local garden centre and turn on the sprinklers for that real authentic feel.

Courtesy of one of the many sushi franchises that populate every city in the western world. You know what you very rarely hear people say? “Wow, those curried ants tasted better than a Big Mac, it really filled me up and the dog’s bollock pudding tasted at least as good as I thought it was going to”.

Or a sand dune. It's all the same right?

Just look longingly into the middle distance. The idea is to symbolise your spiritual journey in this photo, so that you can talk about how deep you are at the student union bar. The chicks will love it.

The monkey is entirely optional though.

original adventures since 1972

iren w at k

. for details See below

New trend for shorter breaks paves way for the ‘Snap Year’

I

t’s a rite of passage in which school leavers take a breather and broaden their horizons before starting university. But with rising tuition fees and an unstable economy, the dynamic of the ‘Gap Year’ is changing.

The ‘Snap Year’ concept is simple: Experience a year’s worth of travels in just a few months. And most are able to do just that by using the long summers to travel, causing little or no interruption to their studies.

But where to start?

Going it alone?

A great option for those considering embarking on the Snap Year alone is to join a small group tour. The group size means it’s not too overwhelming, and experiences such as camping or cooking food together mean lifelong friendships are soon formed.

The demand is increasing for shorter experiences; only 8% of travellers took a trip lasting more than 4 months in 2011. However, students still want a way to have the all the fun of a gap year experience without feeling like they’ve missed out. Make way for the ‘Snap Year’.

The world is an enormous place, with literally millions of options for the Snap Year traveller, so it’s no wonder people find it hard to narrow it down. One of the most popular locations amongst ‘Snap Year-ers’ is the USA, due to its incredible National Park landscapes, buzzing cities, friendly locals and of course moreish food. It also helps that the locals happen to speak English too!

How long have you got?

Up to 6 weeks...

Unlimited!

Grand trek – Fast and furious, you’ll circumnavigate the continental United States, spending six weeks travelling coast to coast through the southern states, then back through the north. Mountains, beaches and canyons, ensure an incredible journey.

trailblazer – The Full Monty! From the Wild West to the vibrant East, the thrilling North to the Deep South, this 9 week all-encompassing cross-country adventure will blow your socks off!

Up to 2 weeks... westerner 2 – Soak up the natural wonders of the west including the Grand Canyon and Yosemite National Park, all sandwiched between 4 of the west’s most buzzing cities; San Francisco, Los Angeles, San Diego and Las Vegas!

Prices from £999

Prices from £3859

Visit: www.trekamerica.com for or call 0844 576 1366.

more details

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Prices from £2669

With trips lasting from 3-64 days, TrekAmerica offers a perfect Snap Year experience. Students can see the best bits of the USA with the convenience of a small group, getting off the beaten path to see as much as possible in a short space of time. Plus with trips designed for 18-38 year olds, travellers are like-minded and all share the same goal: To have a great time!

You could win a trip of a lifetime on our Westerner 2 tour, so you can see the best of the west in 2 weeks. Go to www.trekamerica.com/wireless

VOLUNTEER WORK! It’s better than working in Maccies.

Words: Tom Johnson

In the UK alone each year, over 22 million people volunteer their time, helping out with projects both at home and abroad. It’s not all about selling broken toys and dusty

books at the local Brownies jumble sale though, these days there are a huge range of opportunities available to young people. You could visit countries you would never dream of going to, while at the same time helping out the most vulnerable and destitute members of the local community. From teaching kids in Uganda, to working at a Mexican orphanage this is a personally rewarding experience that you can walk away from with your head held pretty bloody high. And of course, once work has finished, you can crack open a beer, sit back and look at the awesome sight surrounding you. It’s something everyone should try at least once...

International Citizen Service As a government run initiative, ICS is probably the UK’s biggest overseas volunteering program. You could spend 10 to 12 weeks in one of several countries around the world, across Asia, Africa, Latin America or the Middle East. Roles can involve anything from healthcare to farming to I.T. Nice...

Phone the ICS team on 0208 780 7400 or visit www.ics-uk.org.uk • facebook.com/ics

Real Gap - Sports Volunteering If you’re more of a kick-about kind of person, you like a cheeky tennis rally or a you’re a dab hand with a cricket bat, maybe this is the opportunity for you. Real Gap have set up Sports Volunteer programs in Malawi and South Africa. Teaching kids who’ve never kicked a ball, you’ll look like Ronaldo to them...

Visit www.realgap.co.uk/sports-volunteering or call 01892 882 736

Agape - Teach Music in Ghana Do you know your paradiddles from your rim shots? Your arpeggios from your fingering? These are musical terms you filthy thing. If you knew that, then this might be the trip for you. For anything up to a year you could be teaching youngsters either one to one, or in groups. Teach them more than three chords and we could have the next Green Day on our hands...

Visit www.agape-volunteers.com or call 0845 519 8469

Kaya - Wildlife & Animal Volunteers Everyone, literally, everyone loves monkeys. If you don’t, you’re probably a closet serial killer or a Justin Bieber fan.

So why not help out at a primate sanctuary in Vietnam or South Africa? Or maybe learn to Scuba dive while working with marine conservationists. There could be worse ways to spend a year.

Visit www.kayavolunteer.com or call 0161 870 6212 If you want something a bit closer to home, check out www.csv.org.uk, which is an organisation aimed at volunteering around the UK. Go on, have a look...

32

A few words from a bloke volunteering in Rwanda...

(TITLE STILL UNDER CONSTRUCTION....)

After finishing university I realised I had long a lot of sitting around and hadn't gained that much experience of the wider world. I had just finished a three year English degree and an intensive year of teacher training and I still felt like I hadn't really reached my potential. I knew I wanted to travel, to see the world and to stretch myself more.

I decided to keep my eye out for any chance of going abroad on the cheap. If this involved any kind of voluntary or charity work it would suit me better!

words: Dave Toft

have meat perhaps once a year at Christmas and work from sunrise to sunset. The landscape says a lot; every plot of land is accounted for and produces all kinds of food.

The people I've met are friendly, they value the old and young and, without easy access internet or TV, they value real human contact in a way which is at first surprising. The children are very entertaining; they can be shy around westernlooking strangers or they can be forward, they can just want to see or they might ask for money.

A couple of months later I successfully signed up for the International Citizen Service and now I'm here in the middle of Africa in

It's easy to forget, as someone with a welldeveloped country to go back to that many people here live day by day, at the mercy of economic and “Without easy access internet climate change. or TV, the people here value real,

human contact...�

Rwanda, land of a thousand hills, scarred by its history of genocide but impressively looking to leave this past far behind.

I've been getting to grips with everyday life for the local people here and its a far cry from the relatively easy, luxurious life I experienced as a student; most people here are selfsufficient and farm everything they eat, they

T h e w h o l e experience has been challenging to be away from the comforts of home - but beneficial. When I return home I know I will remember these experiences and people. I'm not sure what will stick in my mind the most but I'm sure it will top off my four years in university just nicely. Two months in the university of life; no certificates but great times all around."

33

BEAR GRYLLS A QUICK CHAT WITH THE MODERN DAY LIVINGSTONE...

“The world is truly full of incredible places so set time aside to plan, work out a budget, get working to save what you need, then hit the road...”

34

When we first had the idea of running a gap year travel issue we were faced with the tricky problem of who to ask for expert advice.

We didn't want to send you vulnerable tykes half way across the world on the word of some jumped-up, pseudocultured super-toff though. No, the man for the job would have to have traversed the world's tallest mountains, crossed its hottest deserts, fucked with the most dangerous jungles and consumed moisture straight from the intestines of a dead camel. It turns out Chuck Norris was busy on the Republican campaign trail but fortunately we got the next best thing...

It's been both a good and bad year for survivalist superman Bear Grylls. The low point came earlier this year when his show Man vs.

Wild (Born Survivor in the UK) was dropped by the Discovery Channel due to a “continuing contractual dispute”. The exact reason for the parting was never made clear, but one thing is for sure, true to his survivor moniker, Bear has

been far from idle since the show's cancellation and one of his most recent projects was an international live tour.

The stage production has been a huge success and now Grylls is about to make his TV comeback: “Our big new tv series for NBC Get Out Alive in America starts filming soon so we are prepping for that. I am fired up! And that has always been the key to an interesting life.”

An interesting life may be something of an understatement in Bear's case; the multi-lingual, country-hopping, ex-army Karate expert has an existence pretty close to a real-life James Bond, if a little less classy (no offence Bear, but you're not known for drinking Martinis!). Bear Grylls could fill books with his adventures, and luckily for us, he has. Past works have included a series of adventure stories for children, gruelling accounts of his real-life adventures in the arctic and his highly successful autobiography, Mud, Sweat And Tears. The most current publication, and one that you'll want for Christmas if you're planning your own adventure, is A Survival Guide For Life. Here Bear has taken some of the

knowledge he has gained in terrifying life or death situations and applied to the challenges people face in everyday life. Where do you find the strength to carry on when things are looking bleak? How do you motivate other people to pull together when times are tough? Answers to questions like these are just as relevant to stranded marines as they are to hyper-stressed middle-managers.

Bear Grylls' travels have taken him to just about every interesting place you can think of, Mount Everest, The North Pole and The Sahara Desert to name just a few. We asked Bear whether there were many places he had left to e x p l o r e : “Many. In fact too many! But that's ok - I have noticed how the more I travel the longer that list becomes! Travel inspires travel so be warned.

“I am excited to return soon to New Zealand for more of our live stage shows and that is a country I always love being in.”

Born Survivor was marred by allegations of faked scenes, the most popular of which was the accusation that Bear would stay in hotels. It turns out most of these claims were highly exaggerated and in the later series the production team put a lot of effort was put into making the show more transparent. The

transition from urban life to lone survivalist must be a difficult one however. Does Bear ever take any home comforts into a survival situation?

“Yes, I take my iPhone for music and films and always a book too - but that's for the travel in and out bit.

Once I get into the actual filming I leave it all behind; I need all senses firing at that point.”

Finally we come to the crucial question which necessitated this whole interview. How can you, our beautiful readers, make the best decision about where to go on the greatest journey you're likely to make in your lifetime?

“Following your heart is a good start! The world is truly full of incredible places so set time aside to plan, work out a budget, get working to save what you need then hit the road!

“I ran some self defence classes for six months to pay for me to travel and climb in northern India in Sikkim and Bengal when I had my gap year. It was the first time I got to see Everest in the flesh and I vowed one day to return and climb it!”

So there you go: your own heart is a good starting point and so is India.

We're not sure about scaling Everest though.

Maybe begin a bit smaller.

A nice beach and a bit of charity work probably will do just fine for now.

WIN BEAR’S WARDROBE!

No, we’re not about to take you furniture shopping with the big man, (although we’re pretty sure even Bear could get lost in Ikea) - but we do have a cracking competition for you.

Bear Grylls clothing, made

by Craghoppers is special ly engineered to withstand some of the toughest conditions on the planet.

They also have the world's first permanent i n s e c t r e p e l l i n g clothing line, c a l l e d Nosilife. The repellent reduces mosquito bites by 8090%, and is locked into the clothing so that it works no matter how much you wash and wear it.

For your chance to win one of five sets of Bear Grylls sun protective, quick-drying and moisture managing clothing, just tell us: True or False, “Bear Grills” is a new cookery show all about barbecuing roadkill in random and interesting places.

Text COMPS5 plus your answer and name to 07786 202 430.

Texts are your normal network charge.

The set includes Bear Grylls Survival Trousers and Longsleeved Trek shirt, worth £135, so give it a go!

35

Win a trip anywhere in Europe! courtesy of

We are giving you the chance to win a trip anywhere in Europe, completely paid for. You can take your loved one or, if you prefer, go off on your own to find some mates. We will pay up to £200 towards flights (if you book in advance this is enough to go anywhere in Europe) and £100 towards accommodation (more than enough for a nice private room in any European hostel for two nights).

To enter, just head on round to www.wirelessmag.co.uk/sendmybag or scan the QR code No silly questions, not even a word search or a spot the difference contest. You just need to give us your contact details and tell us where you want to go!

We’ll announce the winner on our Facebook Page at the end of December. Good luck!

36

Lonely Hearts Because that special someone is out there, for you...

Seeking Love/Friendship Tall, handsome, wellbuilt, articulate, intelligent, yet often grossly inaccurate man, 21.

C y n i c s m a y s a y ‘pathological liar’, but I like to use ‘creative with reality’. Join me in my 36bedroom mansion on my Kildare estate, set in 400 acres of wild stagpopulated woodland.

I am a tall slim figure, with small nose, looking for man with scar on his head in the shape of a lightning bolt.

As seen on Jeremy Kyle, toothless, bogeye-mutant seeks a soulless, cold skinned, heroin addicted vessel for my pointless seed.

Male 20, looking for a female with the body of Robert Deniro and the face of Joan Rivers. You must pretend to be the reincarnation of Dobby the house elf... or alternatively if your feet are an 8 or below you'll do.

Man, 31, loves dogwalking, cycling, and reading Poetry. Suffers from deafness, but loves companionship and fine dining. Call me!...oh, no, wait...nevermind...

666 is the number, call me to get beasted.

21. Female. Knitting fanatic. Knit myself cats while waiting for man to wear jumpers. Follow the yarn.

Early 40s. Female.

Vulnerable after recent

emotional trauma. 70's BBC radio and tv presenters need not apply.

Looking for a dark apprentice to become sith, has to be someone who is willing to admire and hate me at the same time, will be required to wear an all black suit and become half cyborg. Mother-in-laws need not apply.

Disappointed by the Mayan apocalypse? Well I've got the pox if you've got the lips. (GSOH a must)

SAVE

10% on our Valentine’s range quote code WRLVAL

I Saw You Saw you on the number six bus this morning, heading for the library. you were tall, long curly blonde hair, tweed coat, rummaging through your handbag the whole trip. What the fuck were you looking for? Call me!

You were wearing black knickers and looking hot...

I was on a ladder outside your window. Shy, Likes hanging around parks, don't call me. I will find you.

I saw you on the 86 bus, I was the pale boy with his hands down his tracksuit bottoms. Your hair smelt nice. Find me.

You waved at me the other night at around 3am. I picked you up at the bar, took you for a wild ride and even saw you to your front door but I never found out your name. Call me on 525 all the 4s.

Have you seen someone you like but you haven’t had the guts to ask them out? Maybe you’re a nervous stalker?

Email your messages to lonelyhearts@ukstudentmedia.net and let true love take its path.

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what superpower would S S A M THE you want, and what DEBATE would you do with it...?

(warning: contains real life opinions of some rather vulgar people)

Daniel, Manchester Wireless: Hello Daniel, so what Superpower would you want?

Daniel: The ability to time travel.

Wireless: Fair enough, and what would you do with that??

Daniel: I'd warn Anne Boleyn not to get involved, I'd persuade Hitler to stick to painting and I'd go back to last Thursday so I could pay my phone bill on time...

Michael, Manchester Wireless: What Superpower would you want, and what would you do with it?

Michael: The power to turn into any material and to regenerate limbs. That way I could turn in to a doughnut, eat myself, regenerate and repeat.

Simon, Sheffield

Danny, Liverpool

Wireless: What Superpower would you want, and what would you do with it?

Simon: I would want China. I would implement reforms to make it less corrupt and more fair.

Wireless: What Superpower would you want, and what would y o u d o w i t h i t ?

Danny: Lets be honest the best ever superpower that a guy could have is to shape shift. I could be Prince William for a day and spend it with Kate riding you like donkey in a roller coaster.

Wireless: Very good Simon. Very good.

Nicky, Sunderland Wireless: Hello Nicky, so tell us what Superpower would you want?

Nicky: Invisibility...

Wireless: Any particular reason?

Nicky: Imagine all the perving I could do with it, mwahahaha!

Carl, Coventry

Wireless: What Superpower would you want, and what would you do with it?

Carl: I would wanna have the ability to turn into a chocolate bar. That way I Emily, New York Wireless: What Superpower can get inside any women.... w o u l d y o u w a n t ?

Wireless: Good luck with that one fella. Emily: To be able to teleport anywhere and at anytime! Could Matthew, Newcastle be at any gig/festival without paying, travel the world for Wireless: What Superpower would you want? free and see every major global Matthew: The power to know when people are event. Also if you are in a bad lying. situation you can disappear Wireless: OK, and what would you do with it? haha Matthew: I'd use it to be really smug...

38

Alan, Liverpool Wireless: Hi Alan, what Superpower would you want?

Alan: I'd want the power to fart glitter.

THE 20 QUID BEST ANSWER!

Wireless: Rightio, and what would you do

with that??

Alan: Imagine all the chicks that I'd get!

Wireless: Erm...

Alan: Also, maybe to understand ladies better.

Joseph, Liverpool Wireless: Hello Joseph, what Superpower would you want young man?

Joseph: The ability to e a t s p a g h e t t i gracefully Wireless: OK then, and what would you do with that?

Joseph: I'd use it to eat loads of spaghetti.

Wireless: Brilliant.

Mark, Coventry Wireless: Hello Mark, what Superpower would you want young man?

Mark: How about the ability to stop time?

Wireless: Nice, and what would you do with that?

Mark: I'd go out on a Saturday night, stop time, remove ALL the clothes off ALL the ladies, pile them up, grab a rum and coke then put time back into effect.

The WTF moment/scramble/mass of jiggling boobies fighting to the stage would be absolutely hilarious. And only slightly perverted.

NEXT MONTH: WITH MOTHER’S DAY DAY COMING UP IN MARCH, WHAT’S THE BEST PIECE OF ADVICE YOUR MUM HAS EVER GIVEN YOU AND WHY? Our favourite answer will get 20 quid!

email us at:

massdebate@ukstudentmedia.net 39

get the look:

WINTER STYLE

words and styles: steve jordan and clare barry

As much as we could swear that it was still August just yesterday, the festive season has already been and gone, leaving us to face our relative post-Christmas hangovers. Whether you have an array of gift cards when you could really use the cash, a 5lbs weight gain, documented evidence that you really did buy all thirty employees drinks on your bank card at the Christmas party, fast approaching assignment deadlines or the onslaught of Facebook snow updates from Captain Obvious: Wireless has one suggestion to help you commandeer the winter months with a level head - and that suggestion is: Layering. Original, we know. Far from being a once shameful memory in the back of your parents' closet, the revival of the pattern knit has landed as a student fashion staple this winter, complimented with chunky scarves and boots that will allow you to roam (ice-skate) round the streets both stylishly and as snug as a bug in a rug.

girls look The Girl's look this season is about layering a few simple, classic garments against one bold statement knit. Keep your pins and your torso toasty in some neutral skinny jeans and a tailored denim shirt and set the look off by layering with a bold print cardigan and some chunky knit accessories to channel your inner winter kitsch.

Portobello Stripe Fairisle Capped Glove

by Accessorize £12 www.accessorize.com

Belted Canvas Colour Skinny Jean in Brown

by Pilot, £25.99 www.pilotfashion.com

Denim Shirt with Collar Detail

by Miss Selfridge £36

Bow Parka

by A Wear £60 www.asos.com

Multi Festival Jacquard Wrap

by Internacionale £16.99

lads look For lads, no winter look is complete without a layered shirt & pattern sweater - but this season try teaming your print of choice with a solid neutral duffle coat, some slim fit jeans and a pair of tan boots. Naturally, the eyes will be drawn to the jumper, but layering with neutral earthy tones to offset the print will make the outfit look stylish & understated.

Gloves by Urban Outfitters £14

Dark Purple Stretch Cord Jean

by Burton £40 www.burton.co.uk

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Canvas Tweed Hooded Jacket

by Burton £70 www.burton.co.uk

Animal Jumper

by ASOS £30 www.asos.com

Flint Lace Boots

by Office £69.99 www.office.co.uk

Plain Buckle Ankle Boots

by Miss Selfridge, £45 www.missselfridge.com

and accessorise...

Naturally, during the most depressing month of the year, a replenished student loan and a little bit of retail therapy go hand in hand, so here is our pick of accessories for a bit of self-indulgent spending.

January is the month for fresh starts, so begin the new academic term on point by keeping your eye on the time with Urban Outfitters Casio Black Face Watch (£40.00) or Topshop's Brown Sepia Skull Watch (£12.00) The most depressing month of the year may make you feel like taking a shot gun to your head, but instead, drown those sorrows at the weekend by taking Topshop's Shot Gun Hip Flask (£7.00) to your mouth.

Movember may be long gone but the Moustache symbol is still holding strong in the new year. Ladies, while you might not be able to grow a convincing Moustache, express your "Inner Sir" by choosing from the Mr Moustache Necklace Set available from Topshop for £12.00 Here is a staple fashion garment for the efficient, or alternatively, the indecisive - keep your neck warm and your head dry at the same time with this Grey Cable Snood, available from Topman Girls, treat yourself to something shiny this January with a pair of statement earrings. We particularly enjoy the range from Urban Outfitters, starting at £7.00. Lads, Valentine's day is just around the corner & if you're feeling particularly affectionate, we have no doubt that the Maria Francesca Pepe Cross Plaque Earrings (£110.00) will keep her sweet for the rest of the year.

43

p a e Ch ! n I t h g i N Valentine’s Day Special

Skint this Valentine’s Day? Hoping to woo a member of the opposite sex without breaking the bank? Sweat not young lover, for Wireless has your back!

Food It’s no coincidence that Italy is both renowned for its good cooking and good loving; fill your prospective partner with enough carbs and they’ll be like putty in your wellintentioned hands:

Garlic Fried Mushrooms and Garlic Bread You’ll need: Butter A garlic clove Mushrooms or a baguette

For an easy starter you can dice a garlic clove and fry it with mushroom halves in some butter. Alternatively you can make your own garlic bread by taking a cheap supermarket baguette, cutting slices half way into it and inserting butter and diced garlic into the slits.

Put it in the oven for ten minutes and you’re done.

44

Gnocchi for Dummies You’ll need: Gnocchi Spinach Red Pesto Creme Fraiche

For a recipe which looks far more impressive than it actually is try spinach Gnocchi. Throw your Gnocchi in a pan of boiling water with a pinch of salt and take it out as soon as it starts floating (it should only take a couple of minutes).

Fry the spinach in a pan with some oil and add a large dollop of crème fraiche and twice as much red pesto.

Wait for the spinach to wilt (again this will only take a few minutes, you don’t want to overcook it) then throw in the Gnocchi.

Toss it around until it’s all mixed together and perhaps add some seasoning. Serve it immediately, and your date will think you’re the dog’s bollocks.

Drink For some reason getting Betty Booped on Jagermeister and hooking up is supposed to be a regretful experience but shagging after a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon is a ‘whirlwind romance’. Whether you like it or not, wine is the poison of choice on Valentine’s day. You could go through all of the trouble of reading a budget wine guide, but can anybody really tell the difference?

Can anybod y really te ll the differe nce?

Rom-coms alm ost universally suck

Wine never tastes like chocolate, nuts or berries. It tastes like wine. If your date got all up in your face because you bought Pepsi instead of Coke then you probably wouldn’t want to be around that person anyway. Avoid the Echo Falls and Lambrini labels and you should still be able to find a bottle of something passable for a fiver or less.

Music When it comes to seduction by sound, it’s best to stick to the tried and tested methods. Hit up Spotify or Grooveshark for some decent old school soul. Otis Redding, Bobby Womack and Minnie Riperton all serve as great audio lubrication. It might be advisable to avoid some well-known clichés for the danger of appearing too obvious, for instance playing Barry White on a date is the musical equivalent of buying someone birth control for their birthday.

Movies A happy side effect of illegal downloading is that the price of DVDs has plummeted in the last few years. The obvious Valentine’s movie genre is rom-com but don’t go down that route because rom-coms almost universally suck. Whether you’re trying to woo a boy or a girl the chances are that they’ll regard the genre as cheap trash. Instead, try going for a romantic film with substance; the Notebook and Atonement are pretty safe bets. Just avoid action and horror and you’ll be fine.

45

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S E N O It’s been a long time coming but here it is: the Wireless Ones to Watch List 2013! These are all the acts you’re going to want to keep a beady eye on this year...

Who’s That Then?

PINS

e one A moody Manchester all-female four piece who becam 2012. in t plane the on bands about ed blogg of the most ssful Up until this point they’ve been extremely succe Bella to ng signi their but without the aid of a label, off. far too isn’t album an Union means that by Sounds like... The Jesus and Mary Chain fronted n. natio incar ies ninet ey PJ Harvey’s grung Playing... A tour is to be announced.

Gimme some more! www.wearepins.co.uk t Stand Out Track...‘Little Sting’ – An ice-cool Velvely ising surpr sound will Underground-style drone which numbers. mature to those who are used to the band’s rockier

Who’s That Then?

JAKE BUGG

Already selling out two tours & getting a number one album, Jake’s a pretty obvious choice for our 2013 list. The quality of his song writing is pretty astonishing for such a young artist, and he may end up being the first person to ever bring skiffle into the 21st century.

Sounds like... Jake’s songs range from straight up Oasis style lad-rock to a more sophisticated early Bob Dylan folk, although it’s unlikely you’ve ever heard anyone do either of those genres in a thick Nottingham accent.

Playing... Touring the UK throughout February and March.

Gimme some more! jakebugg.com or check out our mini interview on Page 7!

Stand Out Track...‘Lightning Bolt’ – The version on the album was actually intended to be a demo but the track’s unpolished quality adds to its odd, untimely feel. Ridiculously catchy.

49

Who’s That Then?

PEACE

up who take the swooping vocal Highly acclaimed Birmingham gro g psychedelic guitars. The stylings of Wu Lyf and add drivinyour record collection in 2013. coolest prospective addition to in the sixties.

Sounds like... If Foals were around February. t Playing... Touring the UK throughou .co.uk Gimme some more! peaceforeverever – Excellent psych cover us)’ icio (Del 8 Stand Out Track...‘199 k by Binary Finary. version of the classic dance trac

Who’s That Then?

KING KRULE

Cynics may sneer at the idea of list old Brit School gr ening to an eigh strikingly origin aduate, but King Krule’s indie pop teen year al and the lyrica l content is surp tunes are Sounds like... Th risingly mature. e croonings of a ho odie Morrisey with for RnB and leftfi a penchant eld guitars. It’s urban yet romantic Playing... Dates to . be announced.

Gimme some more! kingkrule.com Stand Out Track...

‘The Noose of Jah City’ – A soft, drea which serves as th my tune e perfect soundtra ck to dusk in a co ncrete jungle.

Who’s That Then?

HAIM

Cited as ‘Nu-folk meets R’n’B’ you may well ask what’s not to love about this girl group. Well not a lot. They’ve already appeared on the front of NME this year so it looks like their rise to fame is already underway.

Sounds like... At their most poppy it’s like TLC with guitars, but other tracks are a lot closer to sounding like Fleetwood Mac’s Rumours.

Playing... UK dates to be announced.

Gimme some more! haimtheband.com Stand Out Track...‘Don’t Save Me’ - a glorious celebration of contemporary pop music with a snappy drum track and devilishly catchy chorus.

Who’s That Then?

DEAP VALLY

Widely described as ‘Yeah Yeah Yeah California duo are making the most s meets Led Zepplin’, this deliciously hedonistic rock music you’re likely to hear this year . Trust us, it’s awesome.

Sounds like... The kick ass garage band that Alison Mosshart should have formed.

Playing... Touring throughout Feb ruary and March.

Gimme some more! deapvally.com Stand Out Track...‘End of the Wor roll homage to the terrifying May ld’ – A blearing rock ‘n’ an apocalypse that never was.

Whatever happened to that?

50

LITTLE GREEN CAR S

Who’s That Then?

Little Green Cars are a beautifully sentimental Irish folk band Sounds like... Huge, str ong har mon ies in the Mumford And Sons but wit same vein as is refreshingly minima h a boy-girl twist. The instrumentation l giv ing the vocals plenty of breathe. room to Playing... Dates in Man confirmed for February. chester, London and Bristol are

Gimme some more! www.fac ebook.com/littlegreen cars Stand Out Track...‘The Joh n

Wayne’ – An anthemic Arc style builder, with a sim ade ple mar ching drum beat and gor Fire interweaving vocals. geous

Who’s That Then?

SWIM DEEP

ha indie band from Birmingham wit Another quality psych-tinged slacker look. Unlike with their fetish for the 90s west coastvour is much more rooted in eighties contemporaries, PEACE, the fla synth pop. ation of and rather northern interpretement’s Sounds like... A laidbackthe Pav of s tar gui al ent tim sen The Cure’s softer side via Gold Soundz. ough March.

Playing... Touring January thr m/SWIMDEEPUK .co Gimme some more! www.facebook ish – Rather true to its name, the lav Stand Out Track...‘Honey’ are attract bees. to ely lik and et swe h bot arrangements on this single

POST WAR YEARS

Who’s That Then?

Staunch experimentalists Post War Years are expert at producing unusual music that remains bizarrely listenable. In the past the group have dabbled in Jazz but their latest offerings reside somewhere between prog and electro.

Sounds like... Arcade Fire’s Win Butler fronting The Horrors with a dashing of seventies disco.

Playing... On tour in February and March.

Gimme some more! www.postwaryears.com Stand Out Track...‘The Bell’ – A surreal journey in daze-y electronica featuring interesting samples and an awesome dance beat.

Who’s That Then?

RUDIMENTAL

Unless you’ve been living under a with Rudimental’s deservedly massrock all last year you’ll be familiar John Newman. If you have been liviive hit, ‘Feel The Love’ which featured touch; it would make a great arti ng under a rock all year then get in cle.

Sounds like... The group has all of old-school live soul band, but then the pieces that make up a great a song is going it will break into just as you think you know where a sick drum and bass beat. That’s when it all kicks off.

Playing... On tour right now right through till March.

Gimme some more! www.rudimental.co.u k Stand Out Track... ‘Feel The Love’ – Sur e, you’ve heard it a million times. It is good though , isn’t it?

51

National Doodle Day!

On Friday 8th Feb, you will probably be sat in a lecture or at your desk, daydreaming about something far more interesting, and drawing pictures of whatever random crap pops into your head. But, little do you know that you’ll be joining thousands of people around the country in National Doodle Day! To celebrate, o celebrate, we are featuring a few of our favourite images from the Doodlers Anonymous community. For more, check out their site at www.doodlersanonymous.com

manuel regalado

morgan blair r clemens beh

nicole gomez

nidhi dwarakanath

colin reid larry roibal ff!

Win Stu

alexandra triz otto

Send us your doodles and you could win a crisp 50 pound note for your troublones! up Email us at doodle@ukstudentmedia.net and we’ll put them wins! www.wirelessmag.co.uk to let people of the world decide who

52

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WIN THESE: Text the word COMPS along with the competition number plus your answer to 07786 202430 including your name and uni. We’ll select the winner on the 4th March, and let you know if you’ve won asap! Texts are just your standard charge, we don’t make any sly profits or anything...

WIN EVERYTHING

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For your chance to win every prize on this page, simply log onto our Facebook page and “like” us. One new friend will be chosen at random on 4th Mar 2013. It’s worth a shot! facebook.com/wirelessmagazine

1

Like a Bullet To The Head.

Anticipating the cinematic release of Bullet To The Head on the 1st of February, Entertainment One have provided us with a bunch of goody bags, full of good-guy-gone-bad merchandise including an iPhone cover, a bottle opener, a duffel bag and a hip flask for one of our film savvy readers.

Starring Sylvester Stallone, Christian Slater and Jason Momoa, Bullet to the Head is expected to be one of the best action films of 2012. To get your hands on one of the goody bags just tell us: True or False: Sylvester Stallone was briefly the frontman for rap-metal quartet Rage Against The Machine, sometime between Rocky 6 and Spykids 3D.

2 Ooh you saucy thing.

Cooking a romantic meal for Valentine's day instead of going to the flicks? Need a garnish that will make your basic stir-fry seem like a romantic masterpiece? Have a vegan other half and no idea where to start? Sweet Mandarin sauces are gluten free, vegan registered and have no MSG. Gordon Ramsey loves them, and they even won on Dragons Den! Try barbecue, sweet chilli or sweet & sour. Buy at Sainsbury's on the Free From Aisle- or enter our competition and win a pack of all three flavours. Thank us later. To enter, just tell us: True or false: In some parts of China, you can eat an Ox’s schlong as a sexy aphrodisiac.

3 Cold hands, Warm Bodies...

If hard man action films aren't your sort of thing- and you've got a cheeky date for Valentine's day, we also have some merchandise from the film Warm Bodies to give away for the release of tongue-in-cheek "horror".

Follow the story of a teenage Zombie that falls in love with one of his victims. To enter, just tell us: True or False, in a survey of over 3000 women, 84% of them would still get it on with that bloke from the Twilight films if he was nothing more than a stinky rotting corpse trying to eat their brains.

4 Food, glorious food...

Do you swear like an angry sailor or have a slightly too big tongue for your mouth? Well chances are you are probably already a chef. For the rest of us, sometimes a recipe is useful. Especially an affordable one. Well The Ultimate Student Cookbook is a godsend if you are trying to impress people, or you have only got a quid and a can opener to your name...we’ve got a bunch of copies to give away. To win one tell us: True or False, a recent study found Gordon Ramsey’s face is actually marginally more wrinkly than that of a worried Pug.

DON’T FORGET YOU CAN ALSO WIN £100 JUST FOR DOWNLOADING THE NEW FREE WIRELESS MAGAZINE APP! JUST LOOK THERE 54

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“ZOMBIELAND MEETS (500) DAYS OF SUMMER”

★★★★

★★★★

NICHOLAS HOULT

TERESA PALMER

LOVEFiLM

★★★★

EMPIRE

RADIO 1

AND

JOHN MALKOVICH

IN CINEMAS FEBRUARY 8 #ROMANCEISDEAD

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