Wireless March 2013 Edition

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IMAGINE DRAGONS ALSO IN THIS ISSUE:

GRADUATE JOBS & ENTREPRENEURIAL SPECIAL LIFE AFTER UNI, IN THE BIG WIDE WORLD...

RSONAL WITH UP CLOSE AND PE

NG EVERYTHING EVERYTHI This magazine uses interactive print

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U.S. No.1 Hit Comedy

IN CINEMAS MARCH 22

Well cover my knackers in brie, throw me down a well and call me Barbara, it’s March! Or April, depending on when you pick this up. So have you downloaded the Wireless App yet?? It’s free and you can win loads of awesome stuff. Plus the app edition will be going weekly from 8th March too! Anyways, this issue is what one might describe as a motherflipping belter.

We’ve got exclusives with Everything Everything, Imagine Dragons, Django Django and Fearless Vampire Killers – alongside some cracking articles (read the drugged up one, its ace). Plus there is a picture of a big fat bloke dressed like a baby. Enjoy x

March/April 2013 Edition

In this issue....

This Month, We Will Be...

06

Student Confessions 10-11

Everything Everything Interview 21-23

Entrepreneur Interviews 44-45

Also in this

issue....

Drugged Up: Medical Trials 33-35

Gumming Up The Works 46-47

NEWS - THIS MONTH - FESTIVAL NEWS GET THE LOOK - SICK CHIRPSE CHEAP NIGHT IN - THE MASS DEBATE WHAT’S ON GUIDE - MUCH MORE...

Imagine Dragons Interview 13-15

Mick Foley Interview 16-17

Little Green Cars Interview 37

Django Django Interview 40-41

Record Store Day 52

This edition of Wireless was created largely under the influence of rum, custard creams and enough Piraton to render a leopard entirely stationery.

This publication is aimed at people over the age of 18, due to the nature of its content. If you are under 18, we suggest you put this magazine down and pick up a copy of Kerrang or Seventeen or something.

Sorry about that, our lawyers told us to tell you.

Whilst every care has been taken to ensure that the data in this publication is accurate, neither the publisher nor its editorial contributors can accept any liability to any party or loss or damage caused by errors or omissions resulting from negligence, accident or any other cause.

PUBLISHED BY UK STUDENT MEDIA LTD Telephone 0151 345 3803 Advertising: sales@ukstudentmedia.net Editorial: info@wireless-online.co.uk

Editor: Andy Scott Sub-editor: Joseph Smith Contributors: Clare Barry, Gazz Wood, Steve Jordan, Amy Pay, Nathan Simm, Lauren-Rose Williams, Laura Griffiths, Lucy Howell Design: Rob Armstrong, Chris Law, Andy Scott Photos: ITV Pictures, Rob Whitworth, Barry Horne, SJM Press Office Big thanks to: Carl at Big Mouth Publicity, Everyone at ChuffMedia, Jemma at Purple PR, Dave at Wild, Mark and NAZ Promotions, Claire at Atlantic Records, Liam at Student Confessions, James at Sick Chirpse, Tom at Hall or Nothing, Everyone at Zeitgeist, Me Ma ‘n’ Da...

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PROUDLY PRESENTS

THE 8th EDITION

Thursday 18th - Sunday 21st July HENHAM PARK, SOUTHWOLD, SUFFOLK

First line-up announcements on: TUESDAY 19th MARCH WWW.LATITUDEFESTIVAL.CO.UK

NEWS

UEL Bans Payday Loan Ads to keep students out of debt

The University of East London has announced a ban on advertising for payday loans on all its campuses. It is hoped that the move will help deter desperate students from taking out quick loans, some of which have interest rates as high as 4,000% APR. While a loan can seem like an easy solution to the financial problems of student life, failure to pay one back in time can result in a continually growing debt that could take years to pay off. The debt advice charity StepChange has reported a huge increase in the amount of under-25s now taking out quick payday loans, raising concern about their availability to vulnerable individuals.

Ghostbusters 3 ‘won’t be animation’ Sony pictures has quashed rumours that the next Ghostbusters film will be a lame animated feature. Despite Bill Murray refusing to reprise his role as Peter Venkman production is reportedly going ahead. However, Dan Akroyd and Harold Ramis are both confirmed to be involved and Akroyd has suggested that this could be the first in a series of new films.

Students Warned Man Sues Parents Leak Lands FBI Against “Money For Making Him in Sexting and Mule” Schemes feel “unloved” Bugging Scandal Students are being warned against a con that implicates them in money laundering. The scheme involves filtering money through the victim’s bank account often in return for a cut. Students and young people are often targeted through job search websites, and the money is usually the proceeds of crime. “Money mules” who agree to take part could face a ten year jail sentence.

A 32 year old man from New York is suing his parents because they didn’t love him enough.

Bernard Bey claims that his the neglect eventually led to him becoming homeless. Bey is asking for more than $200,000 in damages although he is willing to drop the lawsuit if his family agree to sit down at the dinner table with him.

A leaked FBI conduct report has revealed that one agent was fired for sleeping with a drug dealer and another lost her job for using a company phone to send naked pictures to an ex-boyfriend.

The report obtained

by CNN also exposed a string of sexting cases and an instance were one employee was fired for bugging his boss’s office.

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This month, we will be mostly... (and a bit...)

...listening to Killswitch Engage Disarm The Descent

Out 2nd April

With their first new material since 2009's release of their selftitled album- Killswitch caused a royal ruckus amongst their earliest fans by re-appointing the coveted Jesse Leach as their lead vocalist after a ten year departure. Dubbed one of the “Most Anticipated Albums of 2013” by Alternative Press, we're pretty sure you won't be disappointed.

Fall Out Boy Save Rock & Roll

Out 16th April

With one of the most successful comeback responses a pop / punk / emo / whatever they are now band has received in recent years, Fall Out Boy returned to our ears with “Light em Up ft 2chainz” and announced the name of their come-back album: “Save Rock and Roll”.

With a considerable change in sound, (with rapper 2chainz collaborating with them heavily on the record), fans nervously await its release.

Yeah Yeah Yeahs Sacrilege Out 15th April

As the lead single on new James Murphy produced album 'Mosquito', a (recently) blonde Karen O claims that her new material is a big come-back album - and a more stripped back record than 06

they've ever produced before. Which is true, until the gospel choir kicks in at the end, unexpectedly, but brilliantly too. Love it.

...and a classic H u n d r e d Reasons Ideas Above Our Station Every now and then, an album comes along where you think “fuck me, I’ve not heard a single dodgy track so far” and it ends up on constantly because it is awesome in almost every situation.

This is one of those albums.

In 2002 HR created British post-hardcore at its very best. Stand out tracks include I’ll Find You, Silver, Falter and Drowning.

Well worth a listen...

...going to see In an unusual move for WM, this month we would like to apologise wholeheartedly to you all, for recommending the new Die Hard movie in the last issue. It was a 98 min car crash (actually that would have been more interesting) piss poor attempt at a script. This is what we get for promoting a film based on its trailer.

He doesn’t even say Yippee Ki Yay, for god sake. Soz Bruce.

...playing Gears Of War: Judgement Out 22nd March

The prequel to the original G.O.W, featuring everyone's

favourite wise-ass Baird and former thrash ball superstar Augustus ‘Cole Train’ Cole. Along with new characters Garron Paduk, and Sofia Hendrik you can expect the usual but brilliant campaign mode, as well as Horde, Beast and the new Over Run mode too. Includes some brand new weapons to blast your mates with on multiplayer too.

...watching G a m e O f Thrones: Season Three

Out 1st April on Sky Atlantic

With the third season based on the post popular book- A Storm of Swords- fans eagerly anticipate the outcome of the “War of the Five Kings”. Although the first two seasons strongly corresponded with the books- the third and fourth seasons are going to see some narrative changes which makes for interesting viewing for hardcore fans.

...failing at Lent Until 31st March

The Eggs are a l r e a d y absolutely everywhere we turn and will be looking at those of us who gave up chocolate and sweets for lent in the eye right up until Easter. We suggest you give up, buy an industrial sized crate of Kinder eggs and hide them far and wide, telling your mates you’ll give the one who finds the most shit toys a crate of lager.

Watch em turn into choc fuelled monsters.

Cos students’ll do pretty much anything for beer. True dat.

A QUICK WORD WITH

FEARLESS VAMPIRE KILLERS WORDS: LAUREN-ROSE WILLIAMS

Last year they were playing to a room of 30 people, now they’re on the Kerrang Tour supporting shock rock monsters Black Veil Brides, and getting bigger by the day. They’re an alt-rock band that are tough to entirely categorise, here is what Fearless Vampire killers have to say for themselves...

So easy question, how did FVK come about?

Laurence (singer/guitar): Well we all grew up together and when we hit 15 we decided to be in bands. Two rival bands that joined together. We wanted a name that would piss people off as we were sick of getting messed over by everyone; girlfriends, the council, bosses so we turned them into vampires, and became Fearless Vampire Killers.

Makes sense. So what has it been like touring with Black Veil Brides?

Laurence: Well Andy (singer) can't really go out, he has to have a bodyguard with him at all times.

Kier (guitar): Its kinda serious like, I talk to him about it. Our sound tech guy told me there's a video of us all dancing absolutely plastered on the dance floor though.

Your lyrics often seem to tell a fantasy story, what makes you want to write that way?

Kier: Cos the real world is fucking shit.

Laurence: Cos there's only so many times you can say oh I'm so confused or I'm so miserable, stop doing this to me!

Kier: They’re all taken from personal experience but then you spruce them up. Say I split up with my girlfriend or something we might say oh I slayed a dragon.

Drew (bass): We've never said that! (all laugh) Kier: Next time we'll slay a dragon.

Laurence: So there's gonna be a dragon in the next album…

Featuring prints for bands such as

queens of the stone age, melvins, flaming lips, bjork, les savy fav, saint etienne, ringo starr, mystery jets, wedding present, mogwai, fucked up, caribou, the view, yo la tengo, andrew bird, metronomy plus many more

FVK’s debut album Militia of the Lost is out now

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Festival

NEWS

Plan B to headline Rockness Festival Everyone’s favourite rapper-turned-soulcrooner-turned-rapper-again Plan B, has been confirmed as the headliner of this year’s Scottish lakeside festival. With other acts including Example, Madness, The Vaccines, Ben Howard and Bombay Bicycle Club already pencilled in, amongst others, this is looking like the strongest line up yet. Student tickets are available for a bargain £139 for the weekend, so start loading up on the Irn Bru, bring a net, and let’s go Nessy huntin’. Drunk. *

Noah and The Whale find God in Liverpool.

Liverpool’s biggest music festival Sound City have announced an impressive line up this year which includes Everything Everything, Darwin Deez, Enter Shikari and Stealing Sheep. Running between 2nd – 5th May, the most anticipated show of the festival award will have to go to Noah and The Whale, as they play the city’s Anglican Cathedral – which in itself is the largest in the world. Sounds boss la. Tickets are onsale now at £40 for 3 days.

Check out www.liverpoolsoundcity.co.uk - for the full line up and more info.

Prodigy To Headline Creamfields

Fancy a trip to Japan?

Bastille going for Gold.

Prodigy To Headline Creamfields Techno punk overlords The Prodigy have announced they will be headlining the legendary dance festival, which takes place at Daresbury Estate near Warrington in Cheshire, over the August Bank Holiday Weekend. Tickets are on sale for a mere £60 for the weekend, so dig out them glowsticks

Fuji Rock Festival has announced a string of huge names will be playing this year.

With Nine Inch Nails coming out of retirement, Bjork making her usual oddball noises and The XX just generally being awesome.

Chart-battering Bastille have been announced as headliner at the GoldCoast Oceanfest in North Devon. Now into it’s third year, Goldcoast boasts a formidable line up including Willy Mason, plus you can look like a tit/ look awesome on a surfboard while you’re there too.

Check out www. creamfields.com for the full line up...

For info and tickets check out www.smash-uk.com/frf13/

For info and tickets check out www.goldcoastoceanfest.co.uk

*Please don’t really do this, it’s fucking cold and we’ll get the blame if you die.

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PRESENTS

RICHFIELD AVENUE, READING / BRAMHAM PARK, LEEDS

BANK HOLIDAY WEEKEND • FRIDAY 23 - SUNDAY 25 AUGUST

RECENTLY ANNOUNCED!

(FT.WILEY, SKEPTA, JME)

FINAL HEADLINER ANNOUNCEMENT 11 MARCH MORE ACTS, MORE MUSIC, MORE STAGES, MORE EPIC TIMES…

WEEKEND TICKETS NOW ON SALE: LEEDSFESTIVAL.COM / SEETICKETS.COM / 0871 231 0821* *Calls cost 10p per min plus network extras

Student ons Confessi Wireless Magazine’s resident chaplain hears your confessions -and he’s highly upset!

TOP

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#ThatEscalatedQuickly

By Confessions / All Confessions, Recent Confessions

Nottingham Uni Every Valentine's day, I send a text saying "Happy Valentine's sexy ;)" to a random mobile number. I've never got a response to these until today... #ThatEscalatedQuickly

#ThatDildoIsn'tYours It'sMayan

By Confessions / All Confessions, Recent Confessions

Manchester Uni My mate thought the world was going to end.

All that Mayan shit. Anyway, I told him to order his dad a dildo, addressed directly at him, for Christmas, to test his dedication to the theory. He did so. And as we all know, the world didn’t end! His dad received the dildo with a note inside that said "Here dad, I bought you a dildo for Christmas, see what you can do with it. In a bit old man! Love, your son x". My mate is spending Christmas at my house this year!!! #ThatDildoIsn'tYoursIt'sMayan

#GapYear

By Confessions / All Confessions, Recent Confessions

Birmingham Uni My ex and I were together for about 9 months.

We broke up when I found out she had been sleeping with her ex-boyfriend for the entire thing. Having discovered this, I promptly went on her UCAS and declined both of her offers. #GapYear

#TheOnlyWayIs...OutMyDoor

By Confessions / All Confessions, Recent Confessions

University of Essex Managed to get a girl back to my halls the other night... however we had awful sex on my single bed. Lack of imagination or passion, and I soon realised this wasn't going to work. She soon fell asleep but I began to think of how to get her out in the morning.

After failing to think of anything, I too dozed off. When I woke up she had left, brilliant! BUT, she left a note "If you want to see your FIFA 13 game again, you'll have to meet up with me...".

To the girl who left that note... My PS3 disk drive broke months ago with FIFA 13 still inside, and I have since downloaded it directly to the hard drive. There won't be any need to meet... #TheOnlyWayIs...OutMyDoor 10

#LetsBringGrahamIn

By Confessions / All Confessions, Recent Confessions

Manchester Uni I imagine many of you can relate to this. So I hadn't spoke to my ex boyfriend for a couple of years, we had a rough break up but he recently popped up on Facebook and we've decided to try get back together and see where things go. Anyway, it was his first time visiting me at uni since the breakup and I thought I'd play a little prank on him.

My flatmate has a child of two years old, so when my boyfriend arrived I told him "I have a little surprise for you" and in walked my flatmate's child. "It's your son!" I exclaimed at him. The look on his face was priceless. His expression was a look of pure confusion and fear that he may now have to go on the Jeremy Kyle show! #LetsBringGrahamIn

#NeedToWorkOnMyHumour

By Confessions / All Confessions, Recent Confessions

Cardiff Uni I've been with my girlfriend for 6 months, I love her, but things in the bedroom have become a bit repetitive. I thought I'd play a bit of a joke, so last night during sex, about 2 minutes in, I completely stopped what I was doing, and froze still. Obviously she asked what the hell I was doing, so I replied: "I saw this on PornHub, it's called Buffering". #NeedToWorkOnMyHumour

#ToInfinityAndBeGone

By Confessions / All Confessions, Recent Confessions

Nottingham Uni I'm a massive fan of Toy Story. I grew up with all the films etc, and managed to get my hands on all the toys. These have stayed with me up until university, and they are currently placed on a shelf above my bed.

Anyway, this one particular night, I managed to pull this hot blonde girl, who I then got back to my room and began to consumate with. She was so so dirty, I felt a littleďż˝ bit useless as she was really going for it! After two rounds, I was feeling a little limp, however, managed to get a semi, so for the third round, she tried to go ontop to stimulate me even more. But, she soon stopped and told me I was limp.

HOWEVER, she then leans over me, and seductivly whispers in my ear "Fuck me with Mr Potato head". I have never been more disgusted in my life. I told her to get her clothes back on and leave. She was fit, but I'll never accept such blasphemy towards a Toy Story characrer. #ToInfinityAndBeGone

#RevengeIsADishBest ServedColourfully

By Confessions / All Confessions, Recent Confessions

#LetTheSearch ForMrTumnusBegin!

By Confessions / All Confessions, Recent Confessions

Middlesex Uni Our house has just had new furniture delivered from IKEA, however, due to the snow, it has delayed the pick up of our old furniture. So, for a laugh, we decided to break through the back of an old wardrobe lying about, and place it in front of the back door. Now, whenever you want to go out to the garden, it looks like you are stepping into Narnia! #LetTheSearchForMrTumnusBegin!

#WouldYouLikeSomeEggTo GoWithThatPissOnYourFace?

By Confessions / All Confessions, Recent Confessions

Manchester Met - Moss Side One of my mates at uni is the kind of guy who tends to just get naked at any given opportunity after a certain amount of alcohol has been consumed. This one night we were heading home smashed after an uneventful night when we were approached by 3 chavs, who were hooded up and looking pretty intimidating. We wanted to just keep our heads down and walk past but they juststopped us from going anywhere. So the two of us were now in this confrontation with 3 chavs. One opens his mouth and asks "So what you got for us then tonight?". I was getting ready to put my hands in my pockets and start searching for some shit in my other than my phone, when all of a sudden, my mate pipes up and says "I've got something for you". He then proceeds to take every item of clothing off and stand butt naked in front of them. "You can have this if you want?". The chavs made their standard shit remarks, but then looked as if they were about to beat the shit out of my mate. They walk up to him, and my friend puts his hand out and shouts "Wait, wait, wait!!!". Like dogs, they actually stopped... And then my mate just starts pissing ALL over them, spraying it everywhere like he was a child. I've never seen a defence mechanism like it, and never seen three people, with tracksuit bottoms half way down their legs, run away so fast.

Despite being covered in his own piss, we left unharmed. What a hero. #WouldYouLikeSomeEggToGoWithThatPissOnY ourFace?

Strathclyde Uni Seen a picture up of 400 cups being posted earlier, and was a fair effort! However this chaos was unleashed on us on the last week of term. After a night out cut short we hit the sack around 2:30am for classes the next day. What we woke up to was something outrageous, by 8am our corridor looked like this, 1000 cups full of water filled with what we think is acrylic paint. Touch tight all the way through the corridor. Took and hour and a half of 5 of us cleaning it up.

Turns out the girls in the flat next to us picked our lock (although i still think the accommodation warden in their room was on duty and had keys that night) and sneaked in and did this between 3am and 7:30am for some revenge after we messed with them throughout the year, and with them telling us this on the last day and most of them only here for 1st semester we had no time to get them back. #RevengeIsADish BestServed Colourfully www.studentconfessions.co.uk

in association with:

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Imagine Dragons From bikini blackjack to film soundtracks, and a bit inbetween...

Boasting a platinum debut single - and the highest charting debut rock album since 2006 (well that’s what Wiki tells us) - the rather ambiguously named “Imagine Dragons” (we'll get to that in a little while) have become the latest rock band to catapult from having a niche underground following, into the dizzying heights of headlining their sold out US tour and embarking on a

European invasion - in what felt like the blink of an eye.

Drummer Daniel Platzman, however- doesn't bat an eyelid, when asked what sent them rocketing from underground to mainstream in a s i n g l e y e a r : “I guess I realise that from e v e r y o n e e l s e ' s perspective, everything seems to have just exploded but for us? It's been a long process.”

With half the band members actually originating from Utah and having strong

Mormon roots (especially lead singer, Dan Reynolds) a set of beliefs that strongly guide one away from the usual aspects of rock and roll: sex, drugs, alcohol, gambling - heck, even caffeine - it isn't difficult to believe that this band take great circumstantial changes in their stride, or let it phase them - having decided to form the band in the furthest possible environment from some of the spiritual beliefs of its members: Las Vegas.

“I'd say - we definitely dropped in at the deep end…

Some of us went to Berkeley College of music together in Boston - and we all played together in a fusion jazz ensemble,” he laughs.

“We played together for about three years and then at the end of it all, Wayne, the guitarist, went back home (Utah) and he met Dan Reynolds- the singer. They decided to start a band. They called Ben, the bassist. Ben called me. The next thing you know, we're all moving out to

WORDS: CLARE BARRY Vegas.”..............

Upon asking him about the bands early years Platzman describes a determined struggle:................

“We rented out a house together- the living room was our rehearsal space, we had a kitchen and bedrooms.

That was it.” (He laughs) “I honestly don't even think there was furniture?! For a while, that was all we needed. We would rehearse eight hours a day - and play about five or six nights a week all along the strip, anywhere that would have us.”

Despite the potential for conflicting spiritual values regarding gambling, he notes how the Las Vegas casinos played a pivotal role in the bands growth: “We begged all the casinos immediately to give us gigs, so we could make some money to pay for our rent without getting day jobs. We started out by doing half cover gigs and half originals - but eventually as we started to play more and more, we were able to play mostly

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miss home comforts, but most of the time, it's just very exciting. Our dream was to be doing this, so to become apprehensive about it almost feels like taking it for granted. We don't. We are very much in the moment and we are so appreciative of it happening, that I don't think we ever really do wish that we could go back home for a week. We are touring the world playing music. We have done US tours before but never as the headliner. This time we get to have lights and a set - this is the first time we can put on a show the way we would have done it.”

originals and that was the beginning. It really helped shape us because when you are playing in a casino there are so many, too many, distractions. There are blinking lights, loud noises, bikini blackjack dealers, movie theatres. For people to see you, you really have to give people a reason to turn their heads and look at you, look at the stage.

Dragons insist that the crucial stage of fighting for their audience, continues to make them a band that thrives on playing live:.................

“Imagine Dragons has always been at its core, a live band.

I don't even think you can truly understand Imagine Dragons until you've seen it live.”

“We fight to keep little morsels private.

Though we're very excited about the fact there is demand for the knowledge...”

“The early Vegas times definitely shaped the band- how we sound in our live show. From there, Vegas wasn't too far from Salt Lake City, or Los Angeles- so it became our hub. From Vegas, we could drive to all these places and slowly increase our radius of where we were playing.

That was the first three years.”

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So there will be no nerves about the first headlining tour, then?...............

“No. No nerves about the tour whatsoever. We are all just really excited. We love touring. Of course, we miss our families, but we've kind of become our own family now, as a band, just because we see each other so much. You can get homesick on the road and

Having had notable Hip-Hop producer Alex Da Kidd work with them on “Night Visions” - it's interesting to note how the songs progress from the sounds of their E.P's to the sounds of the debut album. Insisting that the band are equally as connected to the E.P's as their debut album - songs ricocheting from rock to pop and back again- Platzman notes the band's focus on percussion, over genre: “I think Imagine Dragons at it's core is a rock band, but we are absolutely obsessed with rhythm, percussion and drums. That is the big thing that defines Imagine Dragon's sound.

“There is always this driving rhythmic force throughout the music that gives it the unique intensity. For Night Visions, Alex really was hands on. We would have a demo and the song together, but we would say to ourselves: 'These drum sounds aren't exactly what we were looking for.' We had the sound in our heads but we weren't sure how to get it, sometimes - and in those times it was Alex to the rescue.” ...............

He pauses, momentarily, before adding: “That being said - we are firm believers

that a song should be able to stand alone as lyrics, melody and a chord progression. If a song can't work like that - if it has to be decorated to work- that's just not a good song. We really try to keep it minimal, to make sure it's a quality song. Once we have the skeleton, then we can say 'Okay, what does this song need?'. Sometimes that means adding organic means and sometimes it means a lot of synthetic sounds and electronic drums. We try not to limit ourselves. It's very collaborative. It knits the song together.”

In terms of their public image, Imagine Dragons have made no secret of the fact that they like to keep things - well, secret. The band have become quickly notorious for refraining from attaching their pictures to their records and generating controversy by announcing that “Imagine Dragons” is an anagram for their real band name - leaving fans and puzzle solvers everywhere in a frenzy for clues and answers.

In light of their meticulous approach to titles, Platzman stuttered and then laughed upon being asked if there was any semantic, or direct correlation between the audio titles of their E.P's (“Silence”, “Continued Silence”, “Hear Me”): “That's very interesting. I

like that. The sequence was not necessarily purposeful Continued Silence was kind of a reference to silence, but I should just say we brilliantly plotted out the titles of our E.P's when we sat down in the first week. A lot of thought goes into the decisions of titles of things but Continued Silence just seemed like the right name for that one. I wish I could explain how from our perspective, the E.P's complement each other.”

So, if little is revealed by the titles, how much of the bands true identity are revealed in the songs?

“We don't like coming out and saying 'This is what this song is about specifically, and anyone who gets anything else from this is wrong'. I hate when other artists come out and say 'This is what this song is about'- because a lot of times, I had a totally different idea about what a song was about - and it connected to be personally, and to come out and give the song a reality ruins that connection.”

Having had their music featured through various other media platforms: video game advertisements (Assasin's Creed, Fifa) and their hit “It's Time” being featured on the soundtrack of the film adaptation of The Perks of Being a Wall Flower - it had to be asked whether

giving their songs a different association, a pop culture association could ruin that connection: “A little bit. For the most part, we are just excited when someone approaches us and wants to use our music.

Obviously, if we don't agree with what it's being used for, we won't let it. If someone comes to us and says they want use our music and show our music to a group of people who otherwise wouldn't be exposed to it, we're pretty into that idea.

That's something that is pretty cool about the day and age we're living in today, all the different mediums and social arenas going oneverything is at the tip of everyone's fingers.

Specifically with Perks, we thought it was a great fit for the song.”

So having material broadcasted to a mainstream audience through the use of these mediums doesn't change the closely guarded identity of the band: “I think at the end of the day, you can't really help but sound like yourself and can't help but write what you know. Music is autobiographical. It's very personal. But it's there to be interpreted. I think that's why we fight to keep little morsels private.

Though we're very excited about the fact there is demand for the knowledge.”

“I guess I realise that from everyone else's perspective, everything seems to have just exploded - but for us? It's been a long process...”

15

WORDS: BRIAN DONALDSON // STEVE SHOOTER

up comedian. As you do.

Hardcore wrestler turned philanthropist turned stand

Onlookers might think that making the shift from wrestling to standup comedy is not the most obvious of career directions. For Mick Foley, it was simply a natural progression.

Swapping the world of headlocks for heckles (though, really, who would dare?) has been both an eyeopener and a treat for this legend.

“To me, it was an extension.

It's strange and a little frustrating that people d o n ' t s e e t h a t immediately. A lot of people who have read the first part of my memoirs laughed out loud throughout and then wondered why I was making the move into comedy. By the time I got to the Edinburgh Fringe last year, I had finally become comfortable with the idea that I was ‘the wrestling guy’. There are a lot of other acts you can go to who can be funny about a lot of other subjects. I am very happy revolving my show around wrestling stories.”

But for anyone who still thinks that his career move is curious should place it in the context of Foley's life and work to date: Most

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famous for years for being the guy that was thrown off the top of a 30ft cage, then a 3 time World Champion but how many WWE fighters have written a series of children's books, two novels and four editions of memoirs? It was the unpleasant experience of leaving his own life story in the hands of others, which triggered his literary career.

“In 1999, I had my back against the wall, and WWE had a ghostwriter working on an autobiography for me.

He was halfway through and it was awful, just boring. I took over as a way of trying to fix things as I thought I could probably do a better job. At the time it seemed like a crazy notion for a wrestler to write his own book but I did it and it gave people the idea that, well, this guy could do that. I guess it was an inspirational message, not so much about writing, but

returning to Britain, where he feels a certain kinship.

“In the UK, people seem to have a much wider world view and that's where I'm coming from. There's a still a lot of people who don't really know what I do but when I say I've done the Edinburgh Festival, that lifts my credentials. When people see my show, they may not laugh out loud as they do with some of the classic comedians but they do enjoy it. I regret that I called it comedy to begin with; I should have called it An Evening With or put it down as spoken word. But the emphasis is always on funny stories.”

Coming from a world where he was considered a legend, and plunging headlong into the unknown is just another example of Foley's risktaking attitude. It's possible that he isn't overly keen on the word 'maverick', but it's

“When everyone goes into a sport or performing art, there's a sense of having an eye towards personal glory. A percentage of people get to where they want to be and then look around and see that there's more out there...” just about people achieving their goal.”

Foley is looking forward to

difficult to label him with much else. The wrestling world is viewed with scepticism, by many

outsiders, but Foley is comfortable with his place in history.

“For the younger wrestlers, their first thought is going to be about their own taxes, but I finally realised that the world didn't actually revolve around me. When everyone goes into a sport or performing art, there's a sense of having an eye towards personal glory. A percentage of people get to where they want to be and then look around and see that there's more out there.”

Foley is under no illusions what his audience is.

“It's wrestling fans and people who love them enough to go to a show with them. A lot of my reviews mentioned that you did not have to be a wrestling fan to enjoy it, and that my stories didn't alienate anyone. Certainly, non-wrestling fans would go

out of their way to tell me how much they enjoyed the show.”

Whether you're a fan of stories which feature giant men losing parts of their body in the name of sport or simply a lover of spoken word, this lord of the ring welcomes you.

For Foley this meant taking up certain causes, and he has been particularly active in children's charities, as well as helping victims of sexual abuse.

“I may have just been more outspoken about things than others, especially around 2000-2004.

In 2000 I seem to remember not caring too much about the presidential election as both candidates were pretty weak, but I really got involved for a period where I thought I could maybe make a difference.”

Mick Foley, the 'hardcore' legend and soon to be Hall Of Fame wrestler, is also a father of four himself. Do his children fancy a career in the squared circle? ”It would be the second big facts-of-life talk I would have to do. They know it's tough; they see the way I walk and know that there's a pretty big price to pay for being a superhero for a while. I would never say no as it's the surest way for a kid to say yes. I would give them the facts and make sure they got through university and encourage them to do anything that they want to do.”

Ahead of arriving in the UK,

e UK during touring around th Mick Foley will be out www.realmickfoley.com k April & May. Chec more info. for

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get the look:

SPRING STYLE

words and styles: steve jordan and clare barry

So it feels like it was January just last week, and everyone you know is seemingly surprised that once again, the same exact time as last year (and the last 500,000,000,000) it is getting lighter of a night and you no longer have to shroud yourself in layers of quilts and scarves to keep you warm. Yes, spring has arrived, the flowers are starting to bloom, the sun is shining brighter through the clouds and unless you’re in the UK the blizzards have stopped. Time to put the cable knits and thermal tights away, because if there is one thing spring brings it’s the first time you can bare skin without turning into an ice sculpture, that’s right, bare legs may seem like a daunting thought after 6 months of being hugged by wool, but it’s time to get them out and yes ladies, that means it’s probably time to shave (lads, that’s a personal choice only you can make).

This season’s style is about statement pieces, bright colours offset with neutral shades; shorts are here for guys, dresses have arrived for the ladies, and the bright colours and bold prints which once were chastised to Coronation Street walls and the Pantone chart, are soon going to be all over your wardrobe.

girls look

Stand out this season by choosing a bright statement dress and offset it with a denim jacket, the dress will attract attention while the jacket will give it a more casual feel. Add a colour contrast pair of heels with a straw hat and flowered bag for the ultimate finishing touches.

ASOS Straw Crochet Dress £75.00 asos.com

internacionale JACKET £29.99 GBP 29.99 internacionale.com

lads look

Shoes tfitters Urban Ou 0 GBP 85.0tfitters.com urbanou

For the lads it’s time to wear your childhood on your chest, this season is all about vintage prints. The car print shirt is the perfect statement piece without making you look like you shop in Adams, to smarten it up throw on a knit bow-tie and a pair of neutral shorts. Tan loafers will give it a smarter look and a bomber jacket will keep the chill away on those spring nights.

Tan Woven Tassel Loafer £50.00 riverisland.com

Car Print Shirt £22.00 burton.com

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Burgundy Knitted Bow Tie £8.00 Burton.com

ShoreLeave at Urban Outfitters Shorts 45.00 urbanoutfitters.com

ASOS Zip Top Clutch Bag with Floral Embellishment £35.00 asos.com

Burgundy Zip Through £22.00 riverisland.com

and accessorise...

Aztec print canvas backpack £25.00 asos.com

Fool everyone into thinking you haven’t just rolled out of bed and do something with the mop using Hair Putty from Topman £6, or just go ahead and cover it with a straw trilby £15 from River Island.

You may have updated your wardrobe to a more spring friendly look, but don’t forget about your smell. Time to update your fragrance, ladies match the flowers your wearing with Marc Jacobs Daisy £50.40 100ml and lads no one likes a cheapskate so while you may not have the millions, at least smell like it with Paco Rabanne 1 Million £58.00 100ml.

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• Cool cotton adult onesies • Hooded fleece sleepsuits • Wizard gowns • Lycra body suits • Daywear or Nightwear • For outdoor parties & festivals • Various Styles and Sizes • Great gifts

Photoshop handsome: Mickey, Jon, Alex and Jeremy

gs we ...one of the only thin io was Peter listened to in the stud rely because Gabriel and that was pu we were drunk.”

everything everything WORDS: Clare Barry / Joseph Smith

It was at University in Salford where the founding members of Everything Everything first decided to form a band, and it’s perhaps bizarre that such an uplifting and progressive act should be conceived in a city that so prides itself on its bleak mythology. It was in another ailing post-industrial town where Wireless caught up with singer Jonathan Higgs and guitarist Alex Robertshaw.

As they prepared for their first Liverpool date in three years Jonathan recounted the disastrous results of a previous visit:

“It was the second worst gig we’ve ever played. No fault of the city of course. It wasn’t really a venue and it wasn’t really prepared to have a band in so they kept turning the amps down. We were just stood in the middle of a lively pub trying to play and the barman kept coming and turning our amps down till you just couldn’t hear our

guitars anymore and Mickey our drummer was just tapping away, and he started jazzing it up after a while because it was so ridiculous. We had one microphone between three of us and even that was too loud so we started just singing to the room.”

The charismatic front man was quick to assure scouse fans that this wasn’t the worst gig they’ve ever played: “The worst was another pub. It was in Shrewsbury and the kid who was putting on the event was this weird hippy guy who just wasn’t with it at all. We were, supported shall we say, by these twelve year olds in a band, I can’t remember what they were called. There was a power cut during the show which is pretty good. And there was a bellydancer on just before us.”

It’s needless to say that Everything Everything have come a long way since their unsigned days of playing alongside bellydancers. The band first found fame in the BBC’s Sounds of 2010 list and were quickly snapped up by Geffen Records with whom they released their first album Man Alive, a snappy math-rock record with just as many references to technology as love. Their highly anticipated follow up was finally released in January and already Arc is being acclaimed for its much more mature sound. What is immediately evident is the vast increase in hardware with the band letting loose with synth and drum samples.

Perhaps the most poignant difference is that everything just feels bigger. As a result,

21

EE’s single Cough Cough was their first to break into the UK’s top 40.

in terms of sound, fans will find themselves returning to some familiar places lyrically. t bi a s a “This whole tour the w I t Even ound a r h e w has sold out, word ‘Arc’ m i y t l r t a s le and that’s never The fir comes up a out too c g n g i n y i a h l happened to us couple of t y f r o e v d e i d n a , before.

We’re afra time on y a s n Man Alive. playing bigger istractio trying to d s , a s w e l I d d places now, much It turns d in ri as just s s bigger places, was shroude out that o r c a e m a c t and everywhere we the new a h gs t go people seem to and thin album is more of a case of know the songs. d i f f e r e n t refinement than reinvention crap moods and It’s kind of like a random it’s nice when it comes to the themes, new world now.” to have that variety with the band utilizing a in a set. If the whole set new found confidence and If an Indie band somehow was all just the first album transparency in their songs. manages to survive being on a or all just the second we’d BBC ones to watch list, second be finding it wasn’t quite as “I think the themes of the albums are the next major exciting. “ songs from album to album aren’t vastly different but the way of getting them across is different. The first time round I was a bit afraid of laying out too clearly what I was trying to say, and everything was shrouded in riddles, distraction and things that came across as just random crap. Things that meant a lot to me, like in jokes and puns and things that you had to be me to understand. I thought, ‘that’s all well and good and people seem to be enjoying it’ but I didn’t feel like anybody was understanding me so I wanted to make it more clear.

pitfall. Making a drastic change can be the death of a band but failing to adapt can be just as dangerous (see The Fratellis). Taking the plunge seems to have paid off for

actually. When we play them live and go from one to another they do feel like very

Jonathan: “It’s nice. There are people there who know the first album and there are people there who only know the second one and it’s nice to have everyone connect

The songs resonate with each othe r more and things crop up again an d again at different places on the album Everything Everything, but are fans still willing to listen to old material in their live shows?

over old and new rather than it just being about the new album.”

Alex: “I think [the two albums] kind of complement each other

Although Arc represents a drastic change in direction

22

“Things repeat as well because they’re from a relatively similar period where with the first one it was more through my life.

The songs resonate with each other more and things crop up again and again at different places on the album, so they hang together much easier and reinforce what you think that song’s about by being reinforced by another one.”

Unlike traditional guitar bands, Everything Everything seem quite comfortable to drop jangly riffs to rely more on driving drum beats and rhythmic, multi-layered vocals. If you didn’t know any better, you could even say it had more in common with R’n’B than indie. In the past Higgs has praised acts such as

Destiny’s Child and R. Kelly.

Are these the true influences of Arc? “At the time of the album we weren’t listening to music really.

not like putting on an album, like you’d put on a cd and have to get it out and change it; now if I can’t be arsed with something on an album I’m going to go to something completely different. The whole shuffle culture of listening to music... kids these days don’t think twice about listening to Rihanna next to Limp Bizkit or something. Even to our generation that would have to be something physical

about the tribes that they used to. It never meant anything really, it was just a way of feeling like you were in a gang.”

With a sell out tour ahead of them, and the likely prospect of chart success to come, Everything Everything are a band at the top of their game.

But if, however, Arc isn’t proof enough of the band’s creativity you should check out the names of Jonathan’s cats:

I think the record has got more in common with OK Computer than a lot of things

you’d have to walk over to do that. You’d be like ‘you can’t listen to that next to that’ and you’d be in your little tribe like ‘I’m a metalhead I’m only going to metal’ but now it’s anything goes.

“I don’t like being influenced by what’s happening right now.

I don’t want to live in now or know anything about what’s going on now, I’d rather look back a couple of years after the hype of a band’s gone. So I think we were influenced by much older music, you know like Radiohead. I think the record has got more in common with OK Computer than a lot of things, thematically and the sort of scale of it, we were trying to make something big and icy like that. I mean, one of the only things we listened to in the studio was Peter Gabriel and that was purely because we were drunk.”

Even if the band are evasive about contemporary influences they are refreshingly enthusiastic about the new digital age of music. Download culture has provoked many in the industry to prophesize the death of recorded music, but as Jonathan explains, there is an upside to increased accessibility: “The whole way people listen to music now with an iPod is

“There’s a hell of a lot of cross-over, you know like rappers with guitars, that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

People don’t care anymore

“I’ve got four and I’m always doing something with them when someone calls.

“They’re called McTime Crimes, McFriend Face, Sandro, Mohammed and McPoundland.”

Alex: “That’s five.”

Jonathan: “I know but McPound is dead now.”

Arc is out now and Everything Everything are on tour across the country.

Can’t be bothered reading or simply illiterate? Don’t worry, you can still enjoy the interview. Scan the image below using the layar app, and look what happens...how good is that?

Keep an eye out for the Layar logo in the mag, cos you never know what cheeky treats there might be in store for you!

23

how to make devient dough on ebay by sickchirpse.com

Right now I expect you are wondering how to get involved in this deviant trade and stack up some serious P. Well here is a short run through on how to become a Scarface level don at shotting your dirty draws.

1. Acquire garms. This is the easy part, just look behind your radiator, under your bed or if you have your eyes on a bigger prize take a trip to your local football club and pretend you are washing this week’s kit.

C alling all men, do you have an old pair of socks that you should probably have thrown out a few

years ago? Have they become more hole than cotton and browned from bodily fluids like a gently marinated steak? Those genetic graveyards of your unborn could be worth their weight in…well, whatever you want to spend it on, but I’m guessing it’s an eighth.

There has always been a market for unwashed girls underwear (Japan has ‘used panty’ vending machines in fact) but I didn’t know men could also get in on the action until last year when I found myself 3 hours deep into an eBay binge. Up until that point a “scally” to me was just your mate’s mate down the pub that could sort you out with a couple of pirate disDVDs and a wrap of baby laxative cunningly dis guised as cocaine. Turns out it’s also an entire style choice inspired by working men with a penchant for the chav aesthetic. I’m talking the look of a real mans-man, not afraid to wipe engine oil on his sweater and get his face looking like a plasterers radio.

Under the term scally you can find a veritable cornucopia of sportswear stained with the sepia tone of stale sweat and ripe with the stench of manual labour. The hash burnt tracksuits and shit coloured Reebok trainers don’t move me at all though (unless the photograph looks like a pornographic movie directed by Guy Richie like below) it’s the soiled socks and jockstraps that really captured my imagination.

Now I’m not saying the market is quite as large as the knock-off “OBEY” snapback side of eBay, but some people are making a nice bit of pocket money from this raunchy venture. A quick “scally” search yields about 170 used clothing items, some of which lay un-bid upon, dying in the darkest corners of the site (no-one seems to want Terry’s high vis jacket no matter how many times it is relisted). Do it right though and you will be laughing all the way to the bank. I’ve seen a single pair of football socks making upwards of £25. Shocker!

2. Filth check. Make sure there is a thick layer of grimy goodness. Obviously the more messed up they are the better the payout, so try and find a dog or two to treat them rough in a field and up the stank levels.

3. Photo shoot. You’re gonna have to wear those socks one last time before you say goodbye, so pull them on along with your finest shell suit. If you don’t have one those then now is the time to buy, with prices at an all time low thanks to Jimmy Saville.

You’re gonna want to make sure the photos scream rough and ready. Threatening yet somewhat enticing.

4. Release the inner Mad Men in you and sell sell sell. You essentially need to write an enticing blurb on why your socks are the naughtiest and most scallirific. One thing you cannot omit however is the disclaimer; “This item will be washed prior to sending as per eBays rules” but maybe put a winking smiley after the statement to prove you are a real badass that don’t give a flying f’ about no rules’n'regulations.

5. Prepare for requests. This is where shit might get a bit real. Chances are, people will want to confirm those socks are in fact 100% NOT washed and crustier than a Greggs steak slice. It’s cool though, you have come this far and if a dude wants you to bash off into a sock you can deal with it, right? It’s pretty much all they have been used for recently anyway.

6. Wait for the winning bids to roll in and then post those suckers off 7. ??????

8. PROFIT! Watch as your dirty cotton empire expands like a moistened sponge The whole prospect of being able to sell my laundry basket rather than have to make the long and treacherous journey to the washing machine excites me. I have here a fool-proof, get rich quick scheme for when times are hard! At the very most it requires a sampling of jizz in a trainer-sock, if this is the modern “gay for pay” everyone should get involved.

sickchirpse.com 24

On Threeen Big Sc the best bits at the pictures this month

Well it's been a while since the last film preview page.

This is our round up of what to watch this/next month and a good stab at the possible plot. We

must have pissed someone off as people keep inviting us to actually watch the films first, but where’s the fun in that...?

Robot & Frank in cinemas Fri 8th March Set in the near future this is a great film that shouldn't pass unnoticed this month. Boasting an all-star cast Frank Langella (Frost/Nixon, Superman Returns) plays Frank, an old school jewel thief who has early onset of Alzheimer's and is starting to struggle with the day-to-day tasks of living alone. His son, James Marsden buys Frank a health aid robot to help out and offer a little AI companionship. The general idea is the robot (voiced by Peter Sarsgaard) will do a bit of housekeeping, pick up Frank's dirty pants and play the odd game of chess. Obviously the ex-con has other ideas and soon has Robot along on the job as a willing accomplice. With supporting roles from Liv Tyler and Susan Sarandon this is a quality film that offers a thoughtful alternative to the action flicks this month.

Oblivion in cinemas Fri 12th April Aliens…check, spaceships… check… robots… hell yes!… Tom Cruise?…..possible scientologist story line?….. ah well it still looks

the nuts. From the Director of Tron Legacy (come on it looked great, he didn't write the thing) this is set to be the epic sci fi blockbuster of the year. On a spectacular future Earth that has evolved beyond recognition, Tom Cruise will blow some shit up and do some running about to save mankind from some baddies…..probably.

Vinyl in cinemas Fri 15th March Aging punk rockers Keith Allan and Phil Daniels reunite to take the music world by storm… ..only problem is they are old and no-one in the business gives a fuck. Queue the cunning plan based on a true story to fool the music industry by using a fresh faced teen band to put their music out (I'm voting The Subways). Having won numerous festival awards this is billed as classic British underdog story and a must watch for anyone trying to make it in the business. Go pay to see it , they have shut down most of your torrent sites now anyway. Go on, buy a fucking popcorn I dare you.

Scan any of the previews with Layar to watch the trailer!

trailers and For more film previews, reviews, azine.co.uk smag ticket giveaways visit www.wireles

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! n I t h g i N Cheap

St. Patrick’s Day DRINK Apart from Guinness, an with whiskey ything or anything gr or gi ee recipes, if yo n or orange in colour wil nger ale in it l do. With th u shop wisel es eyed) at unde y r 50p per cock you’ll be looking (squif e fytail. Craic!

GREEN DUBLIN A PPLE

COCKTAIL

Ingredients • 2 parts Iris • 2 parts c h whiskey (or other whi skey if cheape • 1 part sourranberry juice r) a p p le schnapps • Ice Method Chuck in cock tail shaker.

Shake. Pour.

Easy.

IRISH BUCK

er) skey if cheap Ingredients sh whiskey (or other whi • 3 parts Iirmie juice • 1 part l ginger ale • 4 parts • Ice juice. whiskey and n i r u o P Method . s s in a gla Put some icses with ginger ale.

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D N A R G

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PLAYLIST

‘When Irish Ey ‘99 Bottles Of es Are Smiling’ The Dropkick Beer On The Wall’ I’m Shitfaced’Murphys – ‘Kiss Me, Flogging Molly Jedward - enti– ‘Seven Deadly Sins’ Thin Lizzy – ‘Wre back catalogue B*Witched – ‘C hiskey In The Jar’ ’est La Vie’, ‘J Ash – ‘Envy’, ‘B esse’ U2 – ‘Beautifulurn Baby Burn’ The Thrills – Day’, ‘Vertigo’ The Undertone ‘Big Sir’ s – ‘Teenage K icks’

FOOD

It’ll cost less than a tenner to make th ese two tasty hot mains and buy some yummy Irish-inspired snacks for after.

Grab some oatmeal cookies, shortbread , gingerbread (get it?), chocolate lime s & chocolate coins for a hearty party.

RASHERS & BLUE CHEE SE TOASTED SANDWICH Ingredients (makes ES 4 se

rvings) • 8 slices white br ead • 1 jar onion reli sh/ onion jam/ on ion marmalade • 200g crumbly blue cheese (e.g. Stilto n or cheaper altern • Bacon slices, co ative) oked (Irish bacon if the price tag al • Butter lows)

Method

• Preheat oven to 160°c • Spread thick la yer of onion jam on four of the slices • Top each of them wi of bread slices th 50g cheese, a few • Melt ½ - 1 tables slices of bacon and another slice of br poons of butter in ead a frying pan • Add sandwiches to pan, one at a time, for about 3 mins on golden brown each side or until • Pop cooked sand wiches onto baking tray and bake in ov mins or until the en for about four cheese melts • Take them out, sl ice them and eat

Ingredients • • • • •

SPUD GRATIN

4 fist-size potatoes • 1 large onion, thinly sliced herbs 2 cloves of garlic, peeled and crushed • 1 teaspoon mixed pepper black of s pinche decent few A • Pinch of salt 30g Butter • ¾ pint milk • 75g grated cheese (optional) 4 slices of cooked bacon, chopped (optional)

Method

• Preheat oven to 180°c saucepan • Peel, wash and thinly slice potatoes then put in large for 10 mins simmer and pan to butter except ients ingred • Add all other ) if desired pieces bacon e, • Remove from heat and add optional extras (chees • Tip mix evenly into oven dish • Scatter a few little blobs of butter on top turned soft, the • Put in oven for 15 minutes or until the potatoes have brown and bubbly turned liquid has been absorbed and the top layer has eat. then mins 5 • Remove from oven, allow to cool for

Fancy Dress

ACTIVITIES

For an easy option, you could pass as be ing a leprechaun by striped attire and ad a ginger wig. Or, get creative and go opting green and white shamrock, a potato as a pint of Guinne or Bono. ss, a

Pin The Shamrock on th

e Leprechaun This is like Pin Th e Tail On The Donk ey but Irish and be paper, draw a pict ure tter. On a big shee t of shamrock big enough of a leprechaun. Then, on a piece of card, draw and cut to cover the man’s out a , ahem, Irish trea the wall and put a sure. Stick the do blob of sticky tack odle on on the back of the mates one at a time shamrock. Blindfol and watch as they ai d your m for the gold. Whoe ver gets closest to Spin the Bottle it wins.

No further explan ation necessary, simply grab a bott le and see overle af...

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GAMES

TOMB RAIDER - Out 5th March

WORDS: Laura Griffiths

The poster girl for 90’s gamers, Lara Croft is back and exchanging inflated polygons in favour of a much more real and gritty reboot of the well-loved and arguably well-worn, Tomb Raider series. Gone are the short shorts and dodgy camera angles as we are reacquainted with a young Ms. Croft, who finds herself shipwrecked on a mysterious island. Here she must learn to survive by hunting for food, facing new enemies and solving classic Tomb Raider style

puzzles. This is an origins story and reimagines Lara as a realistic protagonist in much more sensible attire and a range of phrases spanning further than an abrupt ‘No’.

Learning from the success of the game’s successors such as ‘Uncharted’ and ‘Assassin’s Creed’, its expansive landscapes and action based play bring the franchise up to date without neglecting its roots. There’s finally a Tomb Raider for this generation.

WALKING DEAD: SURVIVAL INSTINCT - Out March 19th

The iconic TV show is brought to gaming consoles everywhere with this shityer-pants scary first person shooter. Using sight, smell and sounds good old Daryl (you) will wander around until you find what you are after, at which point you 30

shoot the living (or dead, if you will) crap out of the Undead, before they get to you. Use a combination of tactics and firepower to work your way through, and you’ll probably be ok. Worst comes to worst just press the reset button.

Doing very stupid things...for money.

For any of you that somehow don’t know what Comic Relief is, well it’s fairly simple.

It’s a charity fundraising organisation where a bunch of famous people tell terrible jokes on the BBC, and your Mum’s mate Dave in the office will try and get you to sponsor him for wearing 30 ties to work. The madcap loon. BUT, it is all for a really very good

cause - lots of them in fact. Over the last 25 years they have raised best part of a billion quid towards projects both abroad and at home, and probably saved a fair few million lives in the process. So why not join in the silly behaviour on Red Nose Day - 15th March 2013, and help make some dough too...here are a few ideas to get you started.

The Bath Of Beans (aka, The Classic.)

Now, you might think to yourself - “hold on Wireless, we’re trying to raise money for the starving people abroad and at home by filling a bath tub full of perfectly edible baked beans? Regardless of the fact they are 13p from Aldi does that not seem like a glorious waste of food?”. And you would be right to pose such questions. Moving on...

The Lost Child The concept is obvious really. You need to get your friends to pay you money, and undoubtedly film you, walking into the nearest Primark (or any ridiculously busy department store), head straight to the kids section and burst into tears, screaming for your Mum. Of course you’ll need to be dressed like a massive child as you do it. Otherwise people might just think you’re a weirdo.

Eat your own socks (aka The Jon Ward) Why is it called the Jon Ward? Cos a bloke I know called Jon Ward did this a while ago. I have no idea why he did it, I assume it was a dare, or for money, or he was bored. Either way it happened. He ate his own socks. Now surely it would be worth paying a few quid to see one of your mates do the same.

Shave half of your entire bodily hair.

But only on one side of course. Not like shave your entire lower half, that would just be creepy (see The Lost Child). Persuade your mates that if you raise over £100 then you’ll go to uni or work like a cross between Lex Luthor and a Hairy Biker. We defo want to see a picture of that.

The Onesie Show Now this one will take slightly more planning, and some manner of covert video surveillance equipment (or your phone, which is easier). Basically the idea is that you arrange a whole bunch of job interviews (probably avoid Costa ?) then turn up to each of them dressed in a Onesie, giving no reference to it whatsoever. Give a load of badly stupid answers, possibly all involving the interviewer’s Mum, or the word flange. Film it. Stick it on the internet. Hilarity ensues. Money is raised. Nice work...

For your fundraising kit, and for further information just visit www.rednoseday.com 31

WORDS: Gazz Wood

DRUGGED UP

My name is Gazz and I’m typing this from a hospital bed.

I should elaborate so you don’t think I tried to extort too much money out of Wireless for this piece and wound up in a fist fight with the editor. On top of a train. During a Hans Zimmer concert.

I’m a medical guinea pig, which is that thing you might have seen in the Marlon Wayans movie “Senseless”.

However, rather than being a hilarious romp through a series of enhanced senses as you try to impress the chairman of the board at a Fortune 500 company, it’s more just sitting around on a bed surrounded by dickheads.

(I may be the only person who’s seen Senseless. It’s good. You should watch it.)

The first thing anyone says once you make it known that you’re planning to be a guinea pig is that you’ll “grow a tail” or “come out with two heads” or, more alarmingly, “die”. Everyone has read something somewhere sometime about a load of people whose faces swelled up like a bee stung John Merrick and then their organs turned to gunge, or about the fella whose

Life as a medical guinea pig

fingers popped off his hand like Rocket Assault Batman’s missiles. That really fire!

The trial I’m on right now has 5 groups, all of 16 people, and everyone’s fine.

We’ve all got backache, which is a side effect of the drug, but backache isn’t life threatening, no matter what the fella in the end bed keeps wailing.

“The biggest danger is boredom” The biggest danger is boredom. The amount of people who walk through the doors, knowing they’ll be unable to leave this room for upwards of 2 weeks, and yet haven’t deemed it necessary to bring a laptop or even a fucking Dan Brown novel, is staggering. What did they think was going to happen?

You’re admitted, there’s a few tests, then it’s cheesecake and blowjobs till home time?

Well it’s bloody not. It’s not even cheesecake.

The menus are very limited, and that’s no more evident than with the sandwiches.

One of them is optimistically called “Simply Beef”. You have no idea how descriptive those two words are until you bite into the thing. A more

apt name would be “Merely Beef”. Or “Miserably Beef”.

Of course there’s the poking and prodding aspect of it, but that accounts for a very small portion of the day.

Usually there’s a flurry of activity in the morning, but then the whole thing drops off like your family assume you’re digits are going to.

There might be the odd blood pressure test here, and someone may be along to take your blood there (making use of a Cannula, which is like one of the pipes from Super Mario only instead of a man eating plant shooting out, it’s your blood) but for the most part you’re left to your own devices. Unless you neglected to bring any

Cannulas aren’t much fun

33

When ostensibly locked in a room with a bunch of strangers you can fall back on one of two instincts. You might be inclined to chat to them, learn their hopes and dreams and form a sort of super-temporary Get-ALong Gang, or you could come up with demeaning nicknames for them and slag them off on Twitter. Guess which I’ve gone for.

devices, in which case I don’t know. Stare at the fucking wall you idiot. I’m not your Dad.

“The benefit of all this is purely financial” The benefit of all this is purely financial. At the end I’ll get a lump sum pumped into my wallet, which as a starving writer I could certainly bloody do with.

It’s not for everyone, obviously.

You might consider your body to be some sort of Temple rather than the mobile decay unit that it actually is. Fair enough.

Learn to play the guitar and go busking. The money’s not as good, but you’re getting fresh air and you can run off if some tosser starts talking at you.

34

A good deal of the other participants are professional irritants who will make it their business to annoy the piss out of you at regular intervals. They’re chirpy “friendly” types who insist on becoming bestest friends foreverest with all of the other inmates. It’s like school. They hang out in the lounge, organise movie nights and have in-jokes and rivalries. All of that in the space of about a day.

Some of them even plan to meet up after the trial has ended, like we were doing an evening class together or something, to go for a meal.

I never get invited to these.

“My headphones are on at ALL TIMES” My headphones are on at ALL TIMES and my pathological avoidance of every single one of them is usually enough to pass the message along.

I’m here for the money, and the small chance I’ll develop super powers. I’m not here to be your mate. So sit back down, shut back up and let’s all silently work an

experimental drug through our systems & wait for the pounds to roll in.

“Only one guy on this trial irks me” Only one guy on this trial irks me, and it’s not The Sleeping Brummie, Sporticus, Roots Manuva, Young Conservative or £-Shop Adam Buxton. It’s a chirpy pub jokester who I’ve christened Shirt Reynolds due to the “hilarious” t-shirt slogan he was sporting on day one.

Not Exactly A Hotel Stay He did the “you have to pay for that in most places” joke to every nurse who turned up to perform a procedure and he’d done the Big Brother announcer voice within 10 minutes of getting here.

From what I’ve overheard during brief periods between episodes of 24, is that he’s got at least two kids and is to all intents and purposes a fully grown adult man. The question of why he’s currently wearing an Incredible Hulk onesie will have to go unanswered at this time.

He’s one of those tiresome Comic Relief people, coiled in readiness like a hyper alert weasel, just waiting for the chance to put on a dress or get into a bath of fucking scrambled egg.

“It’s always like this too” It’s always like this too.

On my first trial, back in December 2010, I was joined on the ward by Shooter McGavin; a young chap who looked like he made a living menacing elderly couples outside a village chapel, but who spent most of his time on the phone talking about increasingly professional and complex sounding business deals.

I discovered later that he worked at a Golf Shop at some prestigious country club, and is apparently quite high up on the chain considering the number of subordinates calling for his advice. Never judge a book I guess. Then there was Early Doors; You’re woken at 5am, rubbing your eyes and trying to remember what shapes mean, while Early Doors is over in his bed, fresh as a daisy, happily reading a book about Iraq with a vague metaphorical name like ‘Eminence of Dust’.

They actually weren’t that bad. Except for one guy.

He was older than the rest, probably about 40 or so, and was of Eastern European extraction. I christened him Ivan Drago, and my God did he enjoy talking.

Talking mostly, as it turned out, about the Nexus2 mobile phone. Fuck me he was happy with that phone. He brought it up at every available opportunity.

Sometimes he created opportunities himself to bring it up. When no one was talking at all he’d suddenly lunge conversationally towards Shooter and demand to know what he thought the best phone on the market was, and then force McGavin to say he thought it was the iPhone 4, only to CRUSH HIM before he’d even finished pronouncing the ‘ne’. He didn’t even have a Nexus2

“He didn’t even have a Nexus 2” Actually, thinking back to those early days, I’m quite glad of the self-contained nature of my current ward mates. Apart from Shirt Reynolds, who replaced one of his urine samples with apple juice and lowered all the women’s beds to the floor when they weren’t looking.

The scamp!

No... not scamp.

Twat.

Constantly Monitored

It’s been a truly long week and it’s not even really over. This was just Part One of a two part study. I’ve got to come back next month and do this all again. With these people. With Shirt Reynolds.

Incidentally, the shirt he was wearing said “I Haven’t Got A Girlfriend, I’ve Got 50gb of Porn”.

You’re beginning to understand my displeasure.

The money is decent, usually, if you can handle the inconvenience of it all. I’d say the choice of whether to become a lab rat or not comes down less to fears for your health and more to your tolerance of wankers.

35

WORDS: LUCY HOWELL

little green cars …on their debut album, The Hobbit and Michael Jackson.

Little Green Cars have come a long way since they entered Battle of the Bands back in 2008especially considering they didn't even win the competition. They have

featured in BBC's Sound of 2013 and been named ones to watch by the Guardian and New York Times and, of course, your favourite Wireless Magazine...

We had a chat with the band in their tour bus after their first gig supporting Jake Bugg at 02 Academy, Sheffield.

The band celebrates the opening night with a Chinese buffet which has clearly taken it out of Stevie, who is collapsed in his bunk when we first climb aboard.

is due for release in the UK on May 13th. The band worked with producer Markus Dravs (Coldplay, Arcade Fire, Mumford and Sons).

Dylan: “He'd said no straight away but we sent him a cheeky song or two anyway, and he got back to the head of the record label and said he had to do it.”

Folk music like Bob Dylan and Woody Guthrie and inspires the co-lead singer, Stevie when writing songs: “I like music that tells a story. That's the kind of music I grew up listening to.”

The latest single is 'Harper Lee'. The EP is due for release on 4th March. What's the song about?

Stevie: “It's about a p a s s i v e “I like music that tells a story. p e r s o n becoming very That’s the kind of music I grew aggressive. up listening to...”

You know s o m e o n e He may as well make the most who's been pushed around to of it as there will be no time the point of madness.” for naps in the upcoming

months! The band, signed to American label Glassnote Records, will kick off a 17date tour across North America in March.

Their debut 'Absolute Zero'

The band has had a lot attention from the media.

Does all this exposure put more pressure on?

Faye: “I think you only get pressured when you put it on yourself.”

The band are all very in to The Hobbit. Stevie has the film soundtrack on his iPod and decides to turn all the lights off and play a track mid-interview. One thing they're not so enthusiastic about is football: Stevie: “I tried to get in to it when I was about ten. I was in school one day and there was football on the TV and I was getting in to it, shouting- 'Come on, come on, yeah come on!' It turns out it was just an advert…”

Some of their first gig experiences are pretty impressive: Kings of Leon supporting Pixies (Don), Paul McCartney (Stevie).

But the winner has to be Adam: “Mine was Michael Jackson.

When I was ten, I had a brief career as a dancer. MJ was doing his History Tour and they needed loads of kids (cough, cough) for 'Children of the World'. Loads of kids came out and held hands in this big circle. Michael Jackson was just – right there!”

While you wait for the release of the album, check out the latest video for 'Harper Lee' on the band's official YouTube page.

37

WHAT’S THE BEST PIECE OF S S A M E TH ADVICE YOUR MUM HAS EVER DEBATE GIVEN YOU AND WHY?

(warning: contains real life opinions of some rather vulgar people)

Howard Frank, Coventry "I moved out here into the middle of the countryside to keep you away from girls. Trust me, it's for the best" she said. Now my hapless puppy-like nature makes me a non-threatening and viable alternative to your ex. Call me.

THE 20 QUID BEST ANSWER!

Metalness Odie, Leamington Spa "Son, you better make your fortune with your brain because you won't make it with your hands" (as in you're intelligent, and I encourage that, but you aren't so good when it comes to DIY / engineering / etc.)

Ian Nesbit, Liverpool My mum's an idiotic drunk, she's never given me any good advice. My Uncle Stan however told me this nugget of wisdom which I live by. He took me to one side and said "Ian, mate. Big boobs at 20= fat bird at 40."

Rhiannon Wilkins, London When I said I wouldn't go out with a guy shorter than me I was told "they're all the same height lying down"

Andy Hambley, Liverpool "Stop spending all your money buying girls drinks while you're out, its not working" and "Are you sure you're not gay son? You spend more time doing your hair than i do"

Clare, Liverpool Mother's advice: "Don't forget your keys." - Mother's action: Turns latch on, so can't turn key in the door anyway." Mothers justification: "Well, you won't forget your keys again."

38

Lauren-Rose Newcastle

Williams,

When I found pictures of girls on my ex's laptop and cried, I expected my mum to say how appalling and horrible it was but she just told me not to get too upset - all men are perverts haha

Joseph Smith Before I started nursery my mum told me that if I felt threatened by anybody I should punch them in the nose. Since then that strategy has worked about 60% of the time.

Alan Ormrod, Liverpool "Alan, you're going to die alone if you keep acting like this" and she was fucking right!

Gazz Wood, Nottingham Bleach burns your skin off. Sure it's a lie, but it stopped me from drizzling bleach on my hands.

NEXT MONTH: If you could nominate anyone to be the next Pope, who would it be and why?

Our favourite answer will get 20 quid!

email us at:

massdebate@ukstudentmedia.net 39

DJANGO DJANGO With their debut album consistently receiving 5 star reviews, Django Django have been enlisted to headline this year’s NME tour alongside Miles Kane, Peace and Palma Violets. Wireless caught up with Tommy and Jimmy from the band backstage in Liverpool to see how it’s going.

Vincent Nef f, David Mac lean, Jimmy Dixon and Tommy Grace

slot on the 2013 NME tour. How are you So you’re halfway through a headline finding it so far? to used to really. We’ve been so used It’s quite different to what we’re e stag off and on rally just straight playing at festivals where we are lite be to d weir It’s lly in the toilets. or just playing in tiny pubs; practica it keeps you on your toes! We just e, scal this on our own headline tour of and win as many people over as we can. go out there, give it our all and try

Being the headliners you are first band to sound check, how have you been spending all the spare time you have on your hands?

We always try to go and explore the cities that we are playing in but on this tour especially we are visiting a lot of record shops to try and build our collections up from all around the country. We have started hanging around with the other acts too but are still just getting to know them. It’s pretty mental seeing Miles Kane walk around backstage, he’s a great guy and such a laugh. It’s great being able to play with so many amazing acts every night.

-stage for any on er th ge to g inin nsidered jo Have you co int but s at some po ns? le io Mi at h or it ab w ll ay co pl nds to ously love to d the other ba vi an m ob hi ld k ou as w e to W ly know want we don’t real rly days. We t ea bu l t il gh st ni ’s e it th theme e last song of Home and Away th e r th fo g us in do in jo bating ay. We’re de go down!.. what we’d pl l that would el w w ho re su t but we’re no Your debut album has been out for just over a year now; did you expect it to receive such a positive response? Are there any plans for a follow-up?

Not at all! If you would have sat us down when it was first released and shown us where we’d be in a years’ time we would have just said ‘fuck that!’ and assumed there was another band who stole our name! It’s been a pretty crazy year and certainly a lot of fun. We are still buzzing from the great feedback we’ve received with this but definitely want to get more music out there. After this tour we are heading out to America for another headline stint but after that we have some time to start putting together the ideas we’ve created whilst on the road. We all listen to a lot of different music that influences us all in different ways which when we come together makes for a great combination of all genres that we hope the fans will enjoy.

40

You’ve been on tour with this album for a while now, are there any plans for festival appearances this summer?

There’s a lot in the pipeline but there probably won’t be as many as previous years. There are festivals we’d love to play, like Coachella, but we haven’t been asked yet. We are already playing at Field Day and Beacon here in the UK later on in the year, but we expect to confirm a few more. Watch this space!

I (@nathansimm) also tweeted out asking for some questions to ask the band a few hours prior to the interview.

Here are my 3 favourites:

Where exactl y did the na me come from There are a ? lot of cons piracies ab if it is to out this ac do with Djan tually. We go Reinhard nothing to get asked t quite ofte do with hi m. I think n but no it nameless an it just ca has d had to set me about w a MySpace pa was taken so hen were ge up, we tr we just doub ied Django led it and he but that re we are!

moment? p acts at the po sic and we e it ur vo e range of mu your fa rs of ve me di so ry e ve ar the obvious to a What t from maybe ally listen ar du ap vi , di ng in hi l yt We al well written ike an l have some t really disl il n’ st do y ey ll th ra but gene e excited for ction scene Orange’ and ar re el Di nn ne ha /O ‘C er s I said, very Beib Ocean’ ming out. As e like Frank co it be qu e to W ed s. song rumour e West song’s the new Kany diverse!

Who do you think should be the next Pope?

Well we actually have quite a good idea and are thinking of putting a bet on it being Bono! I’m sure he’d love to give it. If not then Vinny (our singer) quite fancies it. If we had the final say though we would just choose just choose Dougal from Father Ted so it’s probably best we don’t have any control over it…

The critically acclaimed album Django Django is available to buy now. For more gig and festival listings see their website http://www.djangodjango.co.uk.

41

43

Warren Higgins Chuff Media - a UK based press agency that represents the likes of Foo Fighters, Lady Gaga and Kings Of Leon.

k n a B a D b Ro val J and Besti Radio Oner.D Organise

t made you • What firsst art your decide to ? own festivalof madness A moment ch red after too emu always ’v we wine! ng parties loved throwial was the and a festivep up. we st l natura e quite didnt realis taking re we what we fun! en be s it t bu on

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Wu Tang you were ever! We have Beastie Boys Wonder ie ev up St Dont give h all highs Clan and been throug nning our and lows ru from festival own

44

• What first made you decide to start your own business?

I was working for other companies doing what I do now and just thought there were things that we weren’t doing that we should be. I thought being able to have a site where you could download press releases and pictures would save a lot of time for us and leave us to get on with working the acts. I also wanted to branch out in different styles of music and just generally be my own boss.

• How do you stay motivated?

There is always new music coming out and a lot of that is great. There are labels and bands out there that I would love to work with, so it’s always on my mind about how i can get them on the books. It’s a great feeling knowing that you’re involved (even in a little capacity) with an act that you love.

• Have there been any big obstacles to overcome?

The big one was getting clients to come on board but thankfully I was already involved in the industry so people knew who I was which made approaching them about work a lot easier, without that it would be extremely hard as it’s a pretty hard industry to get into.

• What’s the best advice you were ever given?

Actually two pieces from my Dad that he’s always been blathering on for as long as i can remember, “If you don’t ask, you don’t get” and “Have more front than blackpool” both of which are perfect for what I ended up doing! Who knew......

Gary McGarvey Renowned graphic designer, and the brains behind international poster exhibition Screenadelica. His company Horse Design has worked with the likes of The Pixies, Bjork, Flaming Lips, Dan Le Sac vs Scroobius Pip, amongst others....

• What first made you decide to start your own business I always wanted to work in the music industry and I couldnt see a position in a design firm allowing me to do this so I made the decision to jump in feet first and see where I got with it. For me, it was all about the freedom to be creative on a more regular basis, screen printing my work made everything come together and still to date, 90% of my work is in music. I couldnt imagine doing anything else.

• How do you stay motivated?

I think because I love what I do so much, its a lot easier to stay motivated, its like my hobby is my job, even when I have done a days work, I’ll still sit at home doodling or designing something, I cant turn off!

There are times where creative block rears its ugly head, at times like those, I just have to get out of the house and do something else to clear my head, usually fixes the problem. As most freelance designers will tell you, long hours and a non existant sleep pattern come with the territory, but I wouldnt have it any other way!

• Have there been any big obstacles to overcome?

Starting out any business is hard.

When youre freelance, you solely are responcible for the business end of things aswell as the design end of things, so having to chase for invoice payments in a pain in the neck. People want the work done on time, but never like to pay on time.

• What’s the best advice you were ever given?

Full price or free, never work for cheap.

Never undervalue your work, people dont realise the work that goes into a design, they just think its something you knock up with clip art half the time. Yeah I enjoy what I do, but this is how I earn my living.

Nirpal Bhogal Writer/Director Nirpal Bhogal (SKET, Misfits Season 4)

What was your first big break into the industry?

My first big break was making a short film with Ray Winstone (Cold Kiss – 2011) which got a lot of public attention, making agents and people actually pay attention to who I was. Also because it had a clear message behind it about social change and knife crime, it caused a lot of people to take notice. I was approached by (production company) Revolver to do SKET, my first feature film, for which I was nominated for Best British Newcomer by the BFI. What’s the biggest obstacle you’ve had to face?

God, so many. In this industry everything’s an obstacle day to day. They get bigger and bigger, but that happens in all jobs as you try to become successful. The stakes get higher but you learn to cope with it better and you have the skills and confidence to overcome them. It’s like you’re levelling up, and as you level up the end boss gets bigger and bigger.

What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given?

If you’re instinct says something’s not working, trust your instinct. Don’t listen to people around you. People around you might have lower standards than you, different motives than you or might just not be as good as you. Also a great piece of advice as a writer is; “write as if you’re writing for the bin. Write as if you’re just gonna throw it away anyway.”

Anything else?

You will always feel like you don’t quite deserve any success you have. You always think “well one day I’ll get good at this.” No matter how well I write a script it’s always a struggle.

I never finish one and go “Well, that was easy.”

45

WORDS: Gazz Wood

Gumming Up The Works So you’re finishing Uni t h i s summer are you? Studied hard, met the deadlines and you’ll be attending every single dissertation review meeting with your tutor.

You’re well on the way to a 1st (probably a 2:1 if you’re lucky right?) and a long career in whatever the hell thing you studied.

French Literature or Theoretical PE. (or Film Production… *cough*) On the off chance they don’t open a Fine Arts factory on a bus route near you, you’re gonna have to get a proper job like the rest of us.

Except me and the people of

sites, pathetic though it probably is since all you’ve ever done is a few shifts at that pub near Uni and a weekend job at Next Clearance when you were 17.

Of course if you’re truly desperate you can try Gumtree. For the most part the jobs available fall into one of two categories;

Obvious Scams: Anything with the words "fast", "from home", "models" or "£££'s" in the title is a scam. Either you have to go to their website and then they hit you with a virus, or they're "come for

Anything with the words "fast", "from home", "models" or "£££'s" in the title is a scam Wireless. I’m writing this is my pyjamas. Honest to God. Pyjamas.

You can try the jobs section of your local paper, or if you live in Space Year 2013 there are numerous jobsites to check out. You can even upload your CV to some 46

an immediate interview" deals but when you get there someone who actually has a job tries to pitch you a "course" you can buy which will "help" you get some nebulous gig in finance or admin or some such noise.

I've been to two of these types of interviews... they disguise them REALLY well

in the ad… and it’s horrendous. They make you come in a suit and they sit you down and ask you questions about your previous work experience etc... and it feels like a real interview... until they launch into their spiel about halfway through.

"You can potentially earn pounds!"

I went to one a few years back for this company called The Cobra Group, which immediately sounds like some sort of villainous super organisation hell bent on

but it's still not loud enough to drown out the d o m e s t i c argument... world domination through insidious business practice.

You expect to walk through the bulletproof glass doors, past the uniformed henchman wielding black and green energy guns, enter the brushed chrome elevator, press B and travel deep into the core of the Earth before being ushered into a cavernous and beautifully designed office by a trim female assistant before meeting the mastermind behind the group in his stylish yet evil business suit.

In reality you go up an alley between a pub and a shoe shop, walk through the scaffolding & past the chipped tile work, then up the stairs (because the lift is bust) where

you're told to sit down by a 17 year old temp in a hoop-necked jumper (who’s busy chatting to her mate Siobhan on Blackberry messenger), before being called into a small white walled room to meet the 20 year old "boss" in his River Island suit who tells you that you too could be a business team management leader within 6 to 8 months with your own regional franchise. It's intensely dispiriting.

Beware of any place looking for Customer Service or Retail EXPERIENCE but that sounds a bit like an office.

These are trendy pop-up door-to-door sales places run by cultist drones who’ve been allowed to come up with their own company name and everything, but who are still being controlled by the besuited puppet master above.

Then there’s

Seedy Bullshit: These are the postings with misspelled or deeply ambiguous descriptions,

often ending with "Call Ian" and a mobile number. They never really make it clear

shitty job and it's far away from my house... but come on.

Imagine me working in a donut kiosk?

How angry is that gonna make me? I will HATE that job, but I'll hate it in a furious and possibly hilarious fashion. I might apply purely f o r the potential anger I can amass.

They never really make it clear what the job is as such, but are keen for you to realise just how much money you could be making what the job is as such, but are keen for you to realise just how much money you could be making right now if only you'd Call Ian, but then when you do a little girl answers, and you can hear Match of the Day 2 on full volume in the background, but it's still not loud enough to drown out the domestic argument happening in another room which is interrupted when the girl anxiously calls for her Dad to come to the phone, which he does after screaming at the kid and stomping over. As he puts on his phone voice and goes into his patois, it's hard to ignore Chappers rabbiting on in the distance, combined with the muffled sobbing of a 4 year old girl.

Also not an experience.

uplifting

I also found an ad for someone to work at a very well-known alliterative dairy doughnut retailer in a shopping centre. Now remember, what you’re reading now is my job and even if it wasn’t I don’t want to make doughnuts in a shopping centre at my age. Plus later in the ad they ask you to provide a picture with your application. That kind of language teeters on the edge of Obvious Scam AND Seedy Bullshit, plus it's a

Also I want free doughnuts.

The upshot is there are jobs out there, if you can see past the nonsense. It’s a skill you’ll pick up. I’m sure you’ll be fine.

an I l l a C 0784*53$#45

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SJM CONCERTS PRESENT SJM Concerts by arrangement with The Agency Group presents

March Mon 18

Glasgow King Tuts

Tue 19

Wed 13

Bristol Louisiana Southampton Joiners Brighton The Haunt

Sheffield The Harley Norwich Waterfront Studio

Thu 14

London Heaven

Thu 21

Fri

15

Manchester Ruby Lounge

Birmingham Temple Rooms

Sat

16

Newcastle The Cluny

Fri

Nottingham Spankys

Mon 11 Tue 12

Wed 20

22

GYPSY MILITIA TOUR 2013 TUESDAY 07 MAY UT D O

SOL LONDON SCALA

GIGSANDTOURS.COM | 0844 811 0051| themeparkband.com Debut album ‘Theme Park’ released on February 25 via Transgressive Records An SJM & Rockfeedback Concerts presentation by arrangement with 13 Artists

WEDNESDAY 08 MAY

BRIGHTON CONCORDE 2 THURSDAY 09 MAY

DATE ADDED DUE LONDON HEAVEN EXTRA TO PHENOMENAL DEMAND

FRIDAY 10 MAY

BIRMINGHAM HMV LIBRARY SATURDAY 11 MAY

MANCHESTER RUBY LOUNGE GIGSANDTOURS.COM | 0844 811 0051 WWW.ANGELHAZEMUSIC.COM @IAMANGELHAZE

/ANGELHAZEMUSIC

WED 27 FEB

MANCHESTER NIGHT & DAY 0161 832 1111

THU 28 FEB

TUESDAY 05 MARCH SOLD OUT FRIDAY 22 MARCH

LONDON XOYO

LONDON QUEEN OF HOXTON

RESCHEDULED SHOW

020 7403 3331

BIRMINGHAM SOLD OUT HARE & HOUNDS

0844 811 0051 gigsandtours.com An SJM Concerts presentation by arrangement with Coda

SATURDAY 23 MARCH

GLASGOW BROADCAST

swisslips.com facebook.com/SwissLips

MONDAY 25 MARCH

MANCHESTER SOLD OUT DEAF INSTITUTE

IAN SKELLY AND THE SERPENT POWER

TUESDAY 26 MARCH

BRIGHTON THE HAUNT

plus guests

February TOUR 2013

WEDNESDAY 08 MAY

LONDON ELECTRIC BALLROOM

FriDAY 01

Sheffield Leadmill satURDAY 02

leeds cockpit ThuRSDAY 07

Liverpool Zanzibar

GIGSANDTOURS.COM 0844 811 0051 WILLYMOON.COM

FriDAY 08

Manchester Ruby Lounge SatURDAY 09

London Bush Hall gigsandtours.com | 0844 811 0051

AN SJM CONCERTS PRESENTATION

BY ARRANGEMENT WITH CODA

An sjm concerts presentation

LIVE ANNOUNCEMENTS & PRIORITY BOOKING

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REGISTER FREE FOR ADDED BENEFITS

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SJM CONCERTS PRESENT

TUESDAY 25 JUNE

LONDON HAMMERSMITH APOLLO GIGSANDTOURS.COM | 0844 811 0051 | TAMEIMPALA.COM AN SJM CONCERTS PRESENTATION BY ARRANGEMENT WITH 13 ARTISTS

SJM Concerts, Kilimanjaro and DF by arrangement with Coda presents

February | March 2013 Mon 11 / 0844 576 3000

Bournemouth BIC Tue 12 / 0843 373 3000

Nottingham Capital FM Arena Wed 13 / 0844 800 0400

Liverpool Echo Arena Fri 15 / 0114 256 5656

Sheffield Motorpoint Arena Sat 16 / 0844 493 6666

Newcastle Metro Radio Arena Sun 17 / 0844 499 9990

Glasgow SECC Mon 18 / 0844 499 9990

Aberdeen AECC Sat 23 / 0870 903 9033

London Earls Court Mon 25 / 029 2022 4488

Cardiff Motorpoint Arena Tue 26 / 0844 847 1515

Brighton Centre Thu 28 / 0844 388 8000 ALL DATES

Live

(11/2 & 23/2-1/3)

(12/2–18/2)

DJ MICKY SLIM (11/2-18/2) DJ BALLER B (23/2-1/3)

New album “THE EVOLUTION OF MAN” out now featuring the singles “SAY NOTHING” and “CLOSE ENEMIES”

/leadingbyexample

@example trythisforexample.com

LIVE ANNOUNCEMENTS & PRIORITY BOOKING

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Birmingham LG Arena Fri 01 / 0844 847 8000

Manchester Arena gigsandtours.com | ticketmaster.co.uk 0844 811 0051 | 0844 826 2826

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WORDS: JOSEPH SMITH

Not so long ago every town had a cultural hub where musos could come together and share their love of new bands.

Independent record stores were a pillar of bohemian communities worldwide, but it isn't just the internet that's pooped the party. For the past two decades large record chains have been undercutting independent shops in every way imaginable, with customers favouring convenience over the human touch.

Heading up the fight back is international Record Store Day. Back in 2007 our clever cousins in the US had the idea of devoting a day to independent record stores with special performances from like-minded bands across the country and the UK soon followed suit.

shops mean so much to people: “However big and glossy and commercialised the entertainment business becomes, it is vital that we support the grassroots record stores who day-in day-out help break new artists and support emerging talent. The staff who work in indie record stores are real music fans themselves and really know about local bands and new acts about to break through. You will see them at gigs, DJing at local clubs and in local bands.

They live eat and sleep music 24/7. They are just like their customers except they have the best job in the world and are happy to share their knowledge with you.”

The revival of independent stores has coincided with a huge resurrection of older formats like vinyl. It's far from uncommon now for indie labels to release cassette tapes, selling them to fans that may not even have the means to listen to “There is something tangible about owning and holding a vinyl album or CD – what's on them. So the music may be the same but the what is it experience is significantly better...” that's so Paul Quirk, Record Store Day Organiser alluring Record Store Day 2013 takes about archaic forms of place on April 20th and it's release? going to be huge. We caught “You can't download a 12” up with Record Store Day album sleeve with liner organiser and chairman of notes and lyrics plus some the Entertainment Retailers great artwork. There is Association, Paul Quirk, to something tangible about talk about why small music owning and holding a vinyl

52

album or CD – the music may be the same but the experience is significantly better.

Collectors, gift buyers and true music fans will ensure their survival. It shouldn't be a choice between downloading or physical as both have a place in everyday life today and each has its benefits.

“The actual music quality is better on Vinyl than on a normal download and often the system used to play the vinyl will be far superior to listening on a phone or iPod. People who enjoy collecting music value the tangibility of owning a product.

Everything from the music, artwork, right down to the notes in the inlay sleeve adds to whole musical experience.”

There are a whole host of awesome things happening this Record Store Day and if you want to find out what's going on in your neighbourhood you should check out their website at recordstoreday.co.uk.

One thing that the organisers are keen to stress is that indie music shops can only exist with a stable base of dedicated customers and they're needed now more than ever before. If you love your local vinyl joint, get out there this April and take the power back!

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