Child Mental Health in Tough Times Education News from Alleyn's | www.alleyns.org.uk Kiki Taylor, Child and Adolescent Psychotherapist and Lead School Counsellor at Alleyn’s School, tells us how we can support our children’s mental health during these trying times.
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any children and families are struggling during this difficult period. The charity Mind reported in June that 75% of 13-24 year olds with preexisting mental health difficulties have struggled more during lockdown and there is no doubt that all our children are under more pressure now than ever. Professional help should always be sought for the most concerning cases but there is much you can do as a parent to support your child.
Stop, look and listen Being so close to our children, we sometimes need to take a step back for a moment so that we can observe with a cool head how our child is feeling. Look for changes in their body language, responses, movement or behaviour.
Validation Children need their experiences to be validated. It is normal to feel anxious about a pandemic but sometimes that anxiety becomes excessive. A child might appear low, withdrawn or they might shut down - or they might mask these feelings with angry outbursts. Remember, all reactions are a child’s attempts at getting their needs met; they might be processing their stress, and it is important not to minimise their concerns but acknowledge them instead. Explain and reassure where you can, and seek advice where you can’t.
Grumble Sessions Timetable in a regular ‘worry’ or ‘grumble’ session then set a timer and listen. An activity like drawing can help children express anything they find hard to articulate. Providing this space to explore and understand emotion can really strengthen your child’s mind and you will, quite literally, be supporting their brain function and development. 28 | SE21 - November 2020
Do remind your child that they don’t need to hold onto their worries outside these sessions however, and that you will always be available (whenever you can), that you will listen, and that you care. Talk about fears, but focus too on happiness, to help get through difficult times. Recall happy memories and create more memories by making time for fun, like playing board games or baking together. Think about times you have managed difficulties together in the past, and how you did that. This can help a child imagine doing so again and it will remind them of their strengths. Boundaries and consistency really help manage anxiety. Rules for household chores and learning are important, but also make space for fun and talking. Many families actually thrived in lockdown because they spent more time together in a more mindful and reflective space.
Look after yourself! Don’t forget to take care of yourself, because your capacity to manage things for your child will be enhanced by doing so. Useful guides: • www.gottman.com/blog/category/parentingemotion-coaching • How to talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk, Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish • The Whole-Brain Child, Dr Dan Siegel & Dr Tina Payne Bryson
