5 minute read
Survival Story
Daniella Bloom, M.A., LMFT
Founder of FREE ARTS — The Free Thinker's Advocate
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SURVIVAL STORY
DANIELLA BLOOM, MA., LMFT
by Janine Goldberg
WHEN TALKING TO DANIELLA BLOOM YOU ARE AFFIRMED THAT GRASS DOESN’T GROW UNDER HER FEET. BUT YEARS AGO, FROM THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN, PEOPLE THOUGHT SHE HAD IT ALL – THE PERFECT HUSBAND, THE PERFECT LIFE. “TO MANY PEOPLE, I’M SURE, IT LOOKED LIKE WE HAD THE PERFECT LIFE. I WAS MARRIED TO A HANDSOME JEWISH DOCTOR, AND WE HAD A BEAUTIFUL HOME IN THE SUBURBS AND HAD THREE CHILDREN. EVERYTHING SEEMED GREAT ON THE OUTSIDE, BUT IT BECAME A UNHEALTHY MARRIAGE ON THE INSIDE.”
While it was at one time a very healthy marriage, it took marital therapy and five years for Bloom to get to the point where she filed for divorce (after 16 years of marriage) and not because she stopped loving him but because she became a shell of the woman she knew herself to be. “I had every form of depression and anxiety, except suicide, and I knew that I didn’t want to show up this way any longer for my children. It seemed like I was the only one that wanted to fight for the marriage, but you cannot be the only one sitting at the table.” While going through her divorce, a whole new niche and chapter exploded for Bloom which included her becoming a divorce reform advocate. Like many others, Bloom was very naïve to the divorce process. She created Divorce Diaries, the successful weekly divorce groups for men and women. “I thought that once the judge heard how fair I was with my (now ex) husband with support and visitation, I thought everything would be just fine. I learned very quickly that the family court system is not about the family. The Court system tends to be more focused on parental rights as opposed to putting the best needs of the children first. The people who are more inclined to mediate and compromise often in court get the short end of the stick. It becomes a battle of winning and losing. I went through some mediation, but it was really just me meeting with the mediator on my own, separately from my ex. It wasn’t effective at all. It was a lot of wasted time and money.” Bloom adds that there is a lot of psychology that needs to be front and center during the divorce process and attorneys are not trained for this. “Fortunately, today there are a lot of times that there is a therapist in the collaboration. They can pump the brakes and say, “whoa hold on. This (conversation) isn’t really about the kids.” It took close to three years to finalize her divorce and a year of that she represented herself because “I just saw firsthand that I didn’t want to lose another $50,000 here and another $50,000 there.” But when her husband’s attorney went MIA, she was forced to once again, hire an attorney to finish the job. “I feel like I’m the lucky one because I spent a fraction of what many people spend today.” Having children while navigating a divorce presents a very real struggle for anyone and Bloom
was no exception to this. “It was one of the hardest things ever to go through this brutal divorce and put on a brave face for the kids who are also going through a divorce. I don’t think people understand just how traumatic it is.” Her kids were little when she went through the divorce so they couldn’t entirely comprehend what was happening. “You’re going to battle but you’re still having to interact with each other because of the kids. And you must make a choice to be mature and to be the adult and to not scream at your ex in front of your kids.” Bloom acknowledges that with children, it’s an ongoing journey and admits that there are still many layers to deal with. “No one’s quite prepared for a divorce, so of course it isn’t going to be done perfectly.” While co-parenting still isn’t smooth, she wishes it was different. “I wish we would be able to have family dinners occasionally and share birthday parties – I think it would be great for the kids to see that even though we are not together romantically that we still have love and respect for each other. Unfortunately, my ex doesn’t feel that way at all but I don’t have control over that. I have to continue to work on myself and to understand that my children have their own journey too. It’s not easy especially as a mom,” she says, “but you want the best for your kids and not everything is in your control.” What is in her control, however, is the opportunity to date again and she welcomes it with open arms. “Dating for me is extremely healing and awakening,” says Bloom, “I was open to be cherished, to be spontaneous, to be back in my power feminine energy. It can be extremely healing when you feel alive as a woman again and empowered as a man again and it does become the ripple effect for everything else.” This is exactly what she teaches to the men and women she works with who are starting their next chapters. Her positive energy is infectious and she is a self-described work in progress. “You become a better parent, a better professional, a better person in general because you’re happier.” In addition to being a mom, Bloom’s career is thriving and she gains a lot of satisfaction by it. “I really do feel that I’m in alignment with what I’m finally meant to be doing and I see the positive impact I’m having,” she says, “there’s a purpose greater than myself and it nourishes my soul.” Bloom adds, “I never want to be that person who people think has a perfect life, because I don’t. I’m perfectly imperfect. As soon as you climb one peak, there’s another peak in front of you.” And Daniella Bloom isn’t done climbing. O
DANIELLA BLOOM, M.A., LMFT
America's Premiere Dating and Relationship Authority Founder of FREE ARTS — The Free Thinker's Advocate
www.DaniellaBloom.com
Email: daniella@daniellabloom.com Telephone: (818) 860-6104 TikTok: @DaniellaBloom7648
