A note from your Editor . . Hello and welcome to our 13th issue. Relationships: We all have them with someone else or ourselves, yes? Once again we have some fabulous insights, tips and stories for you to enjoy, learn from and share with your family and friends. I am creating some awesome and exciting changes in my life right now and want to share my thoughts and feelings with you. Sometimes we can stay stuck because we fear change, the unknown, how we will cope. You are capable of choosing your own destiny, to live your true purpose and love your life. It is already there waiting for you to acknowledge and embrace! Stop procrastinating, let go of any fear and move forward with love, gratitude, kindness and grace. It is this simple and I can say this because I am doing it right now. Essential Oils for New beginnings: Frankincense, Sandalwood, Cinnamon, Tuberose. With love and smiles always for they are Magickal, Julie
Š Aromatique Essentials 2011 Disclaimer: This information is made available with the understanding and agreement that Aromatique Essentials, the author and any associated entities will not be held liable for any actions or the result of any actions taken by any person on the basis of the information or activities contained herein. Although every attempt has been made to ensure the information provided is relevant, accurate, current and free from omission or error, Aromatique Essentials, the author and any associated entities will not be held responsible for any omissions or errors this contains and make no warranty as to the accuracy or completeness of its content. The information is provided for educational instruction only and persons should obtain professional advice if necessary. info@aromatiqueessentials.com.au www.aromatiqueessentials.com.au
Cover photography by Amy Nelson-Blain
Table of Contents Aromatherapy for Love I Dreamt of my Soul Mate A Scrap of Lace Spirit Centered Couples Amour Enchanteresse Sex, Relationships and Romance for the Over 40’s Recipe for Love Natural Selection Wedding Reverie White Chocolate Mud-Cake Likes and Dislikes with your Partner How Do You Define Love? How Being Selfish Is Better For Sex! Attraction, Sex, Love.. Products by Aromatique Essentials Our Contributors
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Ethereal
Aromatique Essentials ‘Ethereal’ range is spell binding and enchanting. These heavenly Aromatherapy blends made with pure essential oils will transform and transport you to the heart of your desires. Here you will find love, peace, happiness, connectedness, strength, nurturing, protection and grace. Breathe in the Magick of these aromatique creations to ignite your life force!
Alassea brings Happiness Anariel is the Spirit of the Sun Amariel connects us with the spirit of Earth Beriardhwen wraps you in a veil of Protection Erulisse gives the gift of Grace Laisidhiel is the bringer of Life Force Luthian the Enchantress Melcistma encourages Strength and Focus Nanethiel is Warm, Comforting and Nurturing Nestarial is Healing Rhavaniel is Wild at Heart Sidhiel evokes Peace
Purchase now from the Aromatique Essentials online shop. www.aromatiqueessentials.com.au
Aromatherapy for Love By Julie Nelson
Using essential oils is a wonderful way of bringing people to- Have a bath with 2 drops of Patchouli and 3 drops of Ylang gether, a simple blend in a diffuser or room spray is all you Ylang , a very euphoric combination to enjoy as you gently relax into your lovers arms. need to enhance your moods and shift your energy. Essential oils enhance feelings of joy, happiness, calm, peace- Are you getting married? Have you considered incorporating Aromatherapy into your fulness, confidence, romance, sensuality and more… special day? I am dedicating this article to people at the beginning of a Do you go out of your way to have beautiful surroundings new romance, getting ready for your wedding, honeymooners and settings, music, the perfect lighting and entertainment? Why not bring beautiful aromas into your special occasion to and love. evoke all senses! There are several essential oils considered to be aphrodisiacs such as Ylang Ylang, Patchouli, Rose, Neroli, Jasmine and As Helen Keller said “Smell is the potent wizard that transCinnamon. How wonderful it is to be able use beautiful aro- ports us across the miles and all the years we have lived”. mas when you are experiencing intimate moments, making When you enjoy any particular aroma love, dancing with your loved one to beautiful music, having a “There are several essential oils con- it will have a very powerful and positive bath together, giving each other sidered to be aphrodisiacs such as affect on you. a massage or simply being with Ylang Ylang, Patchouli, Rose, Neroli, As a woman you want to smell beautieach other in silence. Keeping in Jasmine and Cinnamon.” ful, feel sexy and tantalise your man! mind that when we are enjoying an experience and have essential oils diffusing, wearing them Have your own custom made Aromatherapy perfume made as a perfume or massaging your partner with a gorgeous Aro- for your special day, not only will you smell divine you will matique blend we will have a memory association linked to feel it too! Essential oils promote confidence, reduce anxiety allowing you to relax and be calm. They are uplifting to your those aromas. emotions and enhance your femininity and sexuality. Essential Oils: Neroli is a stunning and euphoric scent, Cinnamon and Gin- Essential oils will support you with pre-wedding jitters, stress ger add a touch of spice, Rose is romance, Ylang Ylang and and anxiety. They will assist you with focus and clarity. Some jasmine are very exotic and erotic, Patchouli is connecting essential oils are strengthening to your nervous system, enand sensual, Sandalwood brings peace and unity. When you hance your energy levels giving you support emotionally, combine some of these essential oils together you are creating physically and energetically. a synergy of Love, Sensuality, Connection and Intimacy. Capture the gentle and subtle scents as you cut your wedding Here is a recipe for you to experiment with while giving and cake, have your first dance, kiss your partner, laugh and enjoy receiving a massage to help bring you to a place of intimacy your special day! and ecstasy becoming one with each other. I simply can not imagine what it is like to have an special occasion without beautiful Aromas surrounding myself and my 3 drops each of Rose, Jasmine, Ylang Ylang guests! 1 drop each of Cinnamon, Patchouli in a small glass or porcelain bowl combine these essential oils For personalised handmade Aromatherapy natural perfumes with 20 ml of good quality vegetable oil for example apricot and wedding room scents contact Julie Nelson at Julie@aromatiqueessentials.com.au oil.
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I Dreamt of my Soul Mate By Margaret Jarvinen
While you were sleeping have you ever dreamt of a man and you just know he is your soul mate? Did you marry him? Did you feel his unwavering support and unconditional love and acceptance of you? Or felt his passion – his protection, heart pounding presence and experienced the best SEX EVER?
believe you will meet this dream man and marry him one day then now is the time to stop reading! I will start by explaining what people mean in dreams. Then we can explore the symbolism of dreaming of your soul mate.
Your unconscious mind will use ‘people’ like they Have you woken up and wished you could go straight use any other symbol you may dream of. You are back to sleep and stay there forever just with him – not dreaming about that particular person and your there is no pain, no sadness only acceptance and love. dream has nothing to do with them in your waking life. Do you have that little thought in the back of your mind that you will meet HIM (your dream soul mate) We only ‘see’ people how we perceive them to be. How one day, that your boyfriend or your partner or the we describe people tells us more about OURSELVES man that is currently interested in you in your wak- (who we are) than who THEY are. Let me explain furing life is not the one? You love him but, there is that ther. little niggling voice in the back of your head saying When you dream of people, it’s most likely that your ‘what about my dream soul mate?’ Do you find your- unconscious mind chose that person to represent the self sometimes looking for him in your waking life? qualities that you see in them. You might dream of Thinking and hoping that you will find him one day? someone you see as outgoing when your dream is exWARNING - if you want to know the truth about this ploring your own outgoing nature. type of dream then read on. However, if you want to
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This is why we can dream of people that we haven’t seen or thought of for years. An occurrence has happened during your waking life and during sleep your unconscious mind is trying to link it to previous information, and voila, up pops a person you have forgotten about.
or no thought. For example someone could describe their dream soul mate as loving, safe, strong in whom he is (empowered).
Now what you have written are the qualities that you Next time you dream of a person, do this: need to re-connect with YOURSELF. It is time to Write down quickly and with little or no thought three nourish and nurture these qualities into your everywords that describe them. Don’t worry about being day waking life. politically correct with your responses – no one else will read what you write! These qualities are there deep within you, otherwise you would not have dreamt about them. Its time you For example Michael Jackson represents to me… Tal- bring these qualities up out of your unconscious mind ented, performer and rich. and into the light! I can hear you asking ‘But, this was a dream person, it And here’s the best secret of all. When you connect was not someone I know in my waking life.’ with your own inner soul mate, your waking life marriage / relationship can improve or your perfect partYes, but this is what you do. Identify the top three ner usually appears in your life, attracted by... his soul qualities of your dream soul mate that warmed and mate, you. completed you. Write them down quickly with little
“Have you woken up and wished you could go straight back to sleep and stay there forever just with him – there is no pain, no sadness only acceptance and love.”
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All products from Aromatique Essentials are handmade to order, using the highest quality ingredients from the most natural resources available. Whether you use them for your beauty for their therapeutic qualities, essential oils can help improve your health and well-being. Every product can be personalised to your specific needs for health or beauty needs; creating a customised aromatherapy experience that’s just for you. www.aromatiqueessentials.com.au
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A Scrap of Lace By S.Dawn Sievers
A scrap of lace started it all. From the time she was wee dreaming of the future. Imagining her wedding day and her bridal finery. Over the years the images changed, shifting and morphing as she grew. From childhood frothy, glittery visions to refined elegant silhouette. The gown becomes reality.
happy tears welling at the shared moment. Standing before the full length mirror, gazing into her own eyes and studying the reflection. Recalling the scrap of fabric that gave birth to this moment. Good luck of embroidered, secret message stitched in blue inside the hem. Something borrowed given and accepted, and something new….a penny of the year dropped into her shoe
A column of cool elegance, draped and crafted of pure white silk, She stands there touched here and there with silver dressed in the culmination of a lifetime thread and beads. of daydreams. A cathedral train And, accepting her bouquet, swishing as she will walk down her mother’s kiss touches her that aisle. cheek seconds before Heart tripping with excitement those loving hands adjust her veil, as she steps into the creation. and her new life beckons her Smiling into her mother’s eyes, forth. 13
Spirit Centered Couples By Suzy Manning
There is a shift happening on the planet moving from exclusivity to inclusivity, from fear to love, from competition to co-creation, from scarcity thought process to abundance, & out of ego into living from compassion. Couples engaging in spirit-centred relationships are going to be the leaders for this new way of engaging personally and professionally on the planet. They will be the role models helping to shift awareness of inclusive spirit-centred communities at work. What does a spirit-centred couple look like? Spirit-centred beings: • Take full responsibility for 100% of their relationship. • Expect nothing in return for something they do. • Respond with an open-heart at a moment’s notice. • Engage in random acts of respect and kindness. • Have compassion & understanding no mat-
ter what is occurring. • Are consistent with their generosity and kindness in the relationship. • Gain clarity in the relationship by asking questions. • Come from a heart space when emotions and anxieties are running high. A spirit-centred couple says yes to an attitude of prosperity consciousness. They live a conscious life from the inside out allowing a Higher Power that resonates with them to direct their life. They are committed to change personally realising all change in the world starts with them. They change the world by changing themselves, their perceptions, and their way of engagement in the world. Relationships with self or in a couple are never stagnant. Commit to live from this more grateful, loving, compassionate way of being. Live with impeccability and truth that will impact your life, your relationship, your community, and the world.
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Amour encha
Photographer: Amy Nelson-Blain Stylist: Julie Nelson Talent: Veronica Morland @ Dallys Models Hair and Make-up: Chereine Waddell Jewellery Designer: Make A Strand (Amanda Webb)
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e s s e r nte
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Garments and Beaded Headband: Julie Nelson Pearl Jewellery: Make A Strand
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Veil and Top: Julie Nelson Layered Tulle Petticoat: Doris Designs Jewellery: Make A Strand Silk flowers in hair: Teeki Designs Props: Stylists Own
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Petticoat and Silk Flowers: Julie Nelson Blouse: Stylists Own Bra: Pleasure State Jewellery: Make A Strand
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Jewellery: Make A Strand
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Petticoat and Silk Flowers: Julie Nelson Blouse: Stylists Own Bra: Pleasure State Jewellery: Make A Strand
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Dress and Silk Flowers: Julie Nelson Jewellery: Make A Strand
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Kaftan: Julie Nelson Bra: Pleasure State Jewellery: Make A Strand
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Kaftan: Julie Nelson Jewellery: Make A Strand
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Shoes: ZARA Jewellery: Make A Strand
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Kaftan: Julie Nelson Bra: Pleasure State Jewellery: Make A Strand
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Sex, Relationships and Romance for the over 40’s. By Tiffany Manning
Am I normal? Often a burning question for those over the age of 40, when considering their sex lives, both in and out of relationships. The structure of marriage, mating, intimate relationships and families has undergone radical transformations over the past decade, possibly the most rapid changes in thousands of years. And while there is a plethora of information about keeping your sex life sizzling, keeping love alive, celebrating long term love and every kind of sex toy, position, attitude and variation, few hard findings ( pardon the pun) are published.
males said ‘Extremely’ and 15% of females, (37% were moderately satisfied). Interestingly, when asked how satisfied their partner was, 42% of males thought their partners were extremely satisfied and 18% of women believed their men folk were extremely satisfied.
What does ‘Extremely satisfied” actually mean? You might ask. The surveyors asked the same question. What does an extremely satisfying sexual relationship look like? Two things, it seems; a sexual partner ( not necessarily a spouse) and frequent sexual intercourse ( several times a Last year “ Sex, Romance and Relationships” a Survey of midlife and week). Older Adults* was published in the USA. This was one of the largest independent survey’s ever undertaken. The findings were somewhat sur- Dating singles, those recently married or engaged ( yes, even for the over prising, given that conventional wisdom points to marriage as the source 40’s!) are significantly more satisfied than those in long- term marriages. of long-term wellbeing and happiness, and a better sex life. Good news Indeed, marriage does not increase sexual satisfaction or frequency, or for those who are not married, you are not emotional satisfaction. necessarily doomed to a shorter life of sex-less misery. What then, is correlated to sexual frequency and satisfaction, if marriage isn’t? ExerIs it “normal” these days to be married, sincise ( self and partner), Good health, Low gle or what? 81% of people live with a partner level of stress, Absence of financial worries but only 49% of these are married. Same sex and Partner initiating sex are the key faccouples have doubled from 4% in 2004 to 10% in 2009. Of these, 70% of tors, so it seems. marriages last 10 years or more, and then, 54% of these 20 years or more. Here are some interesting statistics to chew over: So for those who shy from statistics, about 15% of marriages last 20 • Changed that would increase current sexual satisfaction years or more. Of these married folk, 3% report emotional & physical • Better health 28% fulfilment, the 12% remainder consider loyalty, duty, financial reasons • Less stress 24% and religion to be the primary reasons to stay together. Sexual satisfac- • Better financial situation 20% tion goes down by ten points every 10 ten years IF the couple is mar- • Partner initiating sex more often 20% ried. This does not occur in newlyweds marrying after the age of 40 or • Better relationship with partner 15% long term relationships. Presumably, as these occur not from a sense of obligation or financial reasons, rather, are motivated by wishing to be Changes that effected your sexual satisfaction over last 10 years: together. Less satisfied with sex life (52%) Who is satisfied, who’s getting sex and how often? Relationship Satisfac- More stress 33% tion at age 45- 49 varied very much between males and females. When Worse health 32% asked, In the last six months, how pleasurable has your PHYSICAL re- Weight gain 22% lationship with your spouse been? 35% of males said ‘Extremely’ (that Finance worries 22% leaves 65% of men who are not so pleased) and Females came in at 18%. Retired 13% That leaves a whopping 82% of ladies out in the cold. When it comes to matters of the heart – the response to “In the last six months, how More satisfied with sex life (15%) satisfying is your EMOTIONAL relationship with your spouse”? 32% of Change in Partners / divorce 46%
“Good news for those who are not married, you are not necessarily doomed to a shorter life of sex-less misery.”
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Less stress 42% More free time 10% Better health 2% What does ‘getting physical’ have to do with it? It seems quite a fair bit. Regular exercise is the number one indicator of a good sex life! Nearly all men in the 45 -49 age bracket rated ‘a satisfying sexual relationship’ as a very important factor in a satisfying life. 1/3 of these chaps vigorously exercise 6 more times per week.
It seems, sexual partner or not, the frequency of sexual thoughts, fantasies, erotic dreams etc continue to occur. Males Females
Aged 40-45 Aged 50-59 25% more than once a day 40% more than once a day (usual = several times per week) 5% more than once a day 5% more than once a day (usual = less than once per month)
Most common sexual fantasy 73% of women thought that a satisfying sexual relationship was very im- Sex with a stranger Males 47% Females 38% portant factor in a satisfying life, but just under half of them vigorously More than one partner Males 30% Females 10% exercise 3 -5 times per week. Discussion of sexual fantasy Move onto age 70, 80% of males continue to rate sexual satisfaction as Never discussed Males 60% Females 68% an important to quality of life, where as only 39% of women still rate it Only with spouse or partner Males 23% Females 18% at all! 30% of males continue their exercise regime, where as only 16% of women do. What is it that the more discerning, mature couple finds valuable in a mate? And what about the big “O” Partner attributes by age and gender at age 45- 49: The more stressed you are, the less likely you are to be having sex, but Male Female frequency and vigour of exercise bumps up frequency. Personal Hygiene 74% 83% Orgasms experienced In the 45 -49 age bracket: Loves me deeply 62% 52% Always Males 73% Females 25% My best friend 59% 52% Usually Males 22% Females 42% Is sensitive to my needs 41% 30% Is physically attractive 50% 60% In the 50-59 age group: Always Males 67% Females 33% In case you were wondering, this represents some marked contrasts to Usually Males 21% Females 31% previous three surveys conducted over the last decade. Attitudes, behaviours and personal preferences are changing with the times. Certainly, And what about the opposite? Sexual Function/dysfunction is a big topic the findings do not make marriage an outdated institution, but they do for the over 40’s these days, with the advent of chemical interventions indicate the image of a sad single, left out in the cold, or the miserable such as Viagra, and onset of menopause in women. divorcee is no longer appropriate. As far as sex, relationships and satWhat % of males report erectile dysfunction at age 45 -50? isfaction goes, they are equally as likely to be getting a share of all the Always can get and keep erection 61% goodies, if not a bigger helping! Usually 26% Sometimes 9% *AARP is a non profit, non partisan membership organisation, which Never 4% publishes information and surveys to a 35.7 million readership worldwide. It addresses issues of the 50 + community, focusing on independWhat percentage of women report problems with sexual functioning eg. ence, choice and control in ways that are beneficial and affordable to all. Not sufficiently aroused, (requiring lubrication), 13%.
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Trust, Honesty, Laughter, Acceptance, Support, Listening, Respect, Holding Hands, Lots of Hugs ‘n’ Kisses… Chocolate, Candles, Essential Oils, Sweet Whispers… Caress Me… 3 drops Rose 2 drops Jasmine 2 drops Vanilla CO2 1 drop Ginger CO2 1 drop Cinnamon CO2 This blend can also be added to 20 ml apricot or sweet almond oil and used for a sensual massage.
Recipe for Love By Julie Nelson
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Natural Selection By Joanne M. Faulkner
Love - it makes your pulse quicken, your body seem more Poised on the edge of our Relationship House, as indicated by glorious and provides a better outlook the yellow arc on the right side of the “Finding lasting, fulfilling chart, it can show us hour basic preferon everything in general. It would be love often tends to be elusive. wonderful to keep that in love feeling ences in the opposite sex – the overall If we open our hearts and traits we are searching for. forever! eyes while keeping our minds Shakespeare’s Lysander laments that aware of our true needs and By looking at this example, we can see “the course of true love never did run desires, we have a much bet- this woman has a Gemini Descendant. She will be attracted to men who exsmooth” and that is often true in to- ter chance of succeeding.” day’s society- but never fear! There are hibit positive outward signs of Gemini ways to improve your chances of finding the right mate more – intelligence, social adeptness, curiosity, and being an artful communicator. She may also seek Gemini’s less admirable quickly, and Astrology can show you one of those ways! traits in order to grow personally. The Ascendant or Rising Sign, which is on the 1st House cusp, These include duality, fickleness, deviousness and even decepshows us the way we express ourselves in the world in order tion. All these aspects are a part of her since Gemini tends to to learn the lessons we have come to learn. The Ascendant is look for itself in relationships. the “me” of the chart, but it’s the Descendant that is the “we”. Since Mercury rules Gemini, she can get more in-depth inLet’s look at the Descendant, which is the 7th House cusp. formation about her mystery man by looking at where her Mercury is located. We see that Mercury is in Capricorn, just within the 2nd House. Since Mercury is so close to the cusp, it will bring in information from both houses. The man of her dreams may tend to be an excellent breadwinner since his communications (mercury) will work to enhance his earning potential (2nd house). He will enjoy turning ideas into financial gain and may be working in fields such as economics, corporate planning, sales, writing, broadcasting, teaching or publishing. He may also tend to enjoy traveling, gathering information of all sorts and making timesaving gadgets. Mercury on the 1 st House cusp indicates mental alertness, someone who thrives on mental challenges and meeting others. He can be very eloquent, witty and charming.
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If there are any planets in the 7th House, these should be issues…. possibly both. Physically he may be the slimmer, explored to give more complete picture of what she is truly agile and loose limbed Aries type, but again we have cusp influences of both Taurus and the 5 th House which brings looking for in a partner. a more solid, larger frame along with much more patience, Next, we’ll look at the Sun, which provides us a closer look understanding…. and sensual appetites. The combination of into what she believes to be her ideal essence of a man. This passion and sensuality here can make heaven and earth move, woman’s Sun is in Capricorn in the 2nd House of Values, but and usually does… unless his selfish Aries attitude gets in the it is also on the cusp of Aquarius. This means her ideal man way! will tend to be loyal, down to earth, practical and hard working, yet one who also thinks outside the box, is not afraid to Helping the gents find their fair maidens requires a few minor shift gear quickly and works not just for personal glory and tweaks to the astrological formula. What are those changes? social standing, but to enhance the world he lives in. A girl can’t give everything away, now can she? ;) Now that she has narrowed down the search, what will he be like physically… sexually? In order to find this out, we have Finding lasting, fulfilling love often tends to be elusive. If we only to look to Mars – the magnificent planetary symbol of open our hearts and eyes while keeping our minds aware of manhood. our true needs and desires, we have a much better chance of This Mars is located in its own sign of Aries, in the 4th House. succeeding. By analyzing your stars, you may find the hidden Mars in Aries provides tons of passionate expression, espe- motives that can help you find the one who is your match – cially at home and concerning family matters. This can be a your soul mate. You owe it to yourself to reach for the stars blessing or a curse since it can mean lusty bouts in the bed- in love! room - or a union full of angry outbursts around household
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Ever since happiness heard your name, it has been running through the streets trying to find you.� - Hafez
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Wedding Reverie By S.Dawn Sievers
For the first half of my life, I worked on the front lines of retail sales. As I ruminated on this topic of marriage and relationships I reflected about how intrinsically connected retail sales are to the process of marriage. I sold luxury cosmetics and regularly worked with brides to plan their bridal makeup for their photography sessions and for the grand day of their wedding. Oftentimes, I would be asked to be their makeup artist on that grand day.
riage ceremony does work for many. To be fair, we cannot talk about this topic without discussing the fact that same-sex marriage is still fighting a grim and rocky battle in most countries for acceptance on a legal and moral level. I have many dear friends in the LGBT community who have been in committed, monogamous, loving, respectful relationships for decades who are denied the right to engage in a legally binding marriage ceremony recognized by law and their state and country. All I will say on this subject is that I feel this is wrong and I hope I live long enough to see a change in the world about same-sex marriage. My thought is that if you are fortunate enough to find someone you love who loves you in return, you deserve the right to legally marry that individual.
I moved from cosmetics to high end jewelry sales, and almost daily, I witnessed couples walking in the door to purchase engagement and wedding rings. During the years I worked in jewelry sales, I heard many people insisting that marriage was becoming an archaic concept and fewer people were doing it, choosing instead to live together. I strongly disagreed with that thought, as I saw proof on a daily basis that the concept of marriage continues to thrive. For me, marriage has always been the ultimate goal for those in a committed relationship. I find beauty and strength in the concept and the From jewelry, I moved to managing art galleries. Once again, marriage ritual and ceremony of marriage. Personally, I have never been comfortfollowed me there, as artwork proved to be a unique engagement, wed- able with the concept of living together with no goal towards marriage. ding and anniversary gift. I do not use This is not said to denigrate those who choose these retail sales examples to indicate a living together without a marriage ceremony shallow, materialistic side to marriage. I am happening; on this one, to each his own, and I merely relating my experiences from a 20 respect whatever decision each couple chooses year stretch of working in retail. I saw some to make. truly beautiful moments between newly engaged couples and between married couI see marriage as a hopeful thing, and as a ples celebrating many years together. I had state to never enter into lightly. To my eyes and nervous grooms-to-be coming into my store to ask for help on how to heart, it is one of the most profound and grave promises any of us will propose, needing advice on choosing an engagement ring, or wonder- ever make to ourselves, to that other person and to that Divine Source. ing what kind of engraving to inscribe inside their wedding bands. I Obviously, we all wish for such a union to last for a lifetime. was involved, more than once, in surprising brides-to- be with elaborate I have pondered over the years the concept of prayer and ritual that schemes and lavish details designed to swoon female hearts and wring is bound up in religion. While I do not ascribe to a specific organized an emphatic “Yes, I’ll marry you!” from their lips. I’m happy to report religion, I do find beauty in many of the practices of a religious nature. that in those 20 years, none of my grooms-to-be were ever given a “No” Prayer is sacred. Prayer before a meal or before a difficult task, I believe, as their answer. casts a net of energy over the meal or task or experience and lifts the food or task or experience, along with our own bodily energies into a I have been invited to weddings in a broad range of religions and have higher, more pure vibration. In this manner, the blessing or prayer truly found each ceremony to be uniquely lovely and interesting. I have been does provide a benediction to our physical bodies. I see the concept and impressed by those couples who chose to engage in pre-marital coun- ceremony of marriage to exist on this same level. seling to give themselves the best possible odds of weathering the change The time honored rituals that exist in a marriage ceremony are spofrom engaged status to married status. I have been equally impressed ken aloud in a solemn, joyful and prayerful manner, witnessed and surwith couples who met, quickly fell in love and married in a short span rounded by friends and family who love the two being joined in marof time, proving all the naysayers wrong by creating devoted, loving and riage. Beautiful music accompanies the ceremony, lifting the hearts of lasting marriages. When the heart knows, the heart knows. everyone present. Flowers perfume the air and delight the eye. This Alternately, I have some friends who have chosen to create loving, en- produces what I imagine in my mind’s eye to be an incredibly lightduring relationships without the ceremony of marriage. The dedication, filled, tangible web of energy that surrounds that couple and binds them love and commitment is as strong between these couples as in any mar- together at the end of the marriage ceremony. A reception follows most riage I have witnessed. Living together, rather than going through a mar- weddings where a meal is shared, toasts are made and laughter, dancing
“I’m happy to report that in those 20 years, none of my grooms-to-be were ever given a “No” as their answer.”
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and fellowship with those family and friends are enjoyed. Regardless of What I have witnessed over the years is that the concept and tradition the pomp and circumstance, the money spent, large or small ceremony, of marriage remains strong. It is not a dying practice that is being left what more beautiful way to start a life together?! behind. To the contrary, I see marriage as an enduring wish and intention in our society. Because of this, I also smile as I recognize that One of the most popular times of year for weddings is springtime – that the energetic exchange taking place in countless moments of marriage time of year where everything is fresh, green, flowering and new. I ceremonies across the planet are showering Mother Earth with hopeful, think most young girls dream of their storybook wedding, designing love-filled emotions. their wedding gown, dreaming up their perfect wedding bouquet and a perfect spring day as the backdrop for their ceremony.
“I see marriage as a hopeful thing, and as a state to never enter into lightly.� 39
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White Chocolate Mud-Cake Adapted by Julie Nelson - Original Recipe by Donna Hay
Ingredients: • 300g Belgian White Chocolate • 200g Butter • 250ml Milk • 165g Caster Sugar • 2 tsp. Vanilla Extract • 2 large Eggs, lightly beaten • 100g Self Raising Flour • 150g Plain Flour Frosting: • 175gm White Chocolate • 250gm Soft Butter • 275gm Icing Sugar, sifted • 1 tbs. Vanilla Essence
Add vanilla and eggs to chocolate mixture and stir until well combined. Sift flours together into a large bowl. Add1 cup of the chocolate mixture slowly and stir until a paste forms. Repeat until chocolate mixture has all been mixed in. The gradual method of combining wet and dry ingredients helps prevent lumps Pour mixture into prepared pan. Bake for about 70 minutes. When the cake is ready a skewers inserted into the cake should come out clean. Cool on wire rack.
To make the icing - beat the butter with an electric mixer until it becomes lighter and fluffier. Add the vanilla and then gradually add icing sugar. Beat until light and fluffy. Melt the chocolate in the microwave or over a double boiler Method: Preheat oven to 160C (145C fan forced). Grease a 20cm for 2-3 minutes, set aside to cool for 5 minutes. square cake pan and line with paper. Pour chocolate into icing mixture and beat until well comPlace chocolate, butter, milk and sugar in a large saucepan bined. over a low heat, stirring occasionally. Remove from heat when chocolate and butter have melted, and stir mixture well until Pipe or spread icing on the cake. completely smooth. Allow mix to cool at room temp for 15 You can also make cupcakes with this recipe. minutes.
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Does your Partner Need to Have Similar Likes and Dislike as You? By Edel O’Mahony The concepts of marriage, dating, or even a live in relationships, have one thing in common...compromise and communication. No relationship on this earth can actually survive without compromise between the partners. Everyone has their own likes and dislikes. No two people are the same, so why would you expect to find someone with exactly what you like or dislike? By learning to communicate and adjust to each others desires, you will always find a healthy balance. Do you really desire a perfect partner? So how can we actually define perfection? ‘Nobody is perfect’ is frequently repeated. How exactly can you expect your partner to be ideal in everything they do? Give a thought about this: You and your partner are married. He/she is from a totally different part of the world and so are you. It could have been a head-over-heels love affair for both of you. The imperfections do not seem to be visible when you are actually dating your partner but after you tie the knot things seem to be different.
If you have high considerations of your own likes and dislikes and expect that your partner will agree totally, then it’s becomes highly difficult to live with someone. You need to be consciously aware of your partner , seeing them with the same values and energy as you. Understanding that even with the same energy, their view point will be completely unique. Re-examine the image you have created in your mind time and again, as it will save you from painting a too rosy picture of your partner, then you can look to being successful in building an harmonious relationship with your partner. It is important to understand energetically what goes on within relationships to ensure you build a solid, loving foundation for you and your partner. You see you are here to live your unique life experience, as is your partner, so any time you or they try to pressurise the other into doing this ‘my way’, is actually causing the other to live your life experience instead of theirs and this is then when resistance begins. Energetically you would move out of alignment to your natural energy and begin to lower your frequency, which in turn begins to change the experiences you see unfolding in your life. So it is vital that you make sure you make working on you a way of life . Learning to love who you are before anyone else is the key to natural abundance in all areas of your life; defining who you are and honouring your self worth builds solid foundations for a very healthy relationship with your partner.
“It’s just the way you actually accept your partner plus fine-tune your compatibility, Even with relationships from the same country, so that both of you will have even the same town, rushing into a relationship can a hassle free life.” lead to situations like this. You realise that you and your partner have almost diverse tastes in everything. Starting from cuisine, music, fashion sense, to almost everything on this earth. So does this strike a chord?
Now are you the type of person who gets panicky about every circumstance in life? Or do you have the knack to tackle such a situation? Analyse this first, before you get too far into any relationship. One thing that you always need to consider is that you and your partner will always have differing tastes in almost everything, as you are here having your unique life experiences. Be aware, that your partner need not have similar likes and dislikes as you do. He/she can be totally different. It’s just the way you actually accept your partner plus fine-tune your compatibility, so that both of you will have a hassle free life. This can be said to be the pivotal factor for the success of any relationship. When you actually appreciate your own likes and dislikes, you are able to see this in a partner who has comparable likes and dislikes. They will come from the same frequency as you. Again, the important factor is not to envisage somebody with precisely the identical likes and dislikes. It is almost implausible that such a human being ever exists - one thing we all need to remember is that we are all unique and individual.
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Here are a few tips to help build that solid relationship:
Make a conscious point of having frequent communication and dialogue with your partner. When you discuss a decision and can’t agree, sit down and talk it through. See what are each of your key values around the topic and find a compromise that with keep you both happy and working together Make a list of what you feel you do not like, whether it is from which side of the bed you lay on, music you really can’t stand to any phobias you may have. Be honest with yourself because you will need to be just as honest with your partner. Now take each one and really think about it, what is the reason you feel this way? Does it really bug you as much as you think it does? What started your initial dislike? On a scale of 1 to 10 if you had to do this particular thing, realistically how difficult would it be? You see in a relationship being able to find a compromise where both of your desires and passions are valued is the key. Time spent working out any negative habits of your own, will only strengthen your future relationship.
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How Do You Define Love? By Lynn Moore
A primary goal for so many human beings revolves around relationships, companionship of some kind involving romantic love. It’s human nature. We are social beings and not meant to exist alone. Think of the times you have been ‘in love’. Isn’t it just the most euphoric feeling ever! I’ve never done any kind of illegal drug (in this society I don’t know if I should brag about that or not want to admit it ), but I have experienced some legal drugs while in hospital to manage pain and would think the ‘in love’ feeling would rival any ‘high’. Okay, love can be painful too but that’s not the direction of this article so bear with me. The dictionary defines love as ‘an intense feeling of deep affection’. That’s pretty general. I don’t think there is any one definition of love. I think love is defined by each individual. And when it comes to wanting to attract a mate, the kind of mate you will attract depends on how you define love and live that definition.
I’ll go first. I like to use bullet points rather than flowery language (but nothing’s wrong with flowery language), so it will be brief on words: Loyalty, patience for the deeply important things, humour, willingness to compromise, forgiveness, developing a ‘sense’ for partner’s feelings, sharing, freedom, respect partner’s boundaries, trust (but if it’s broken then it has to be earned back), openness and honesty, taking care of self and continual growth, understanding (no one is perfect), tenderness, keeping my word, dependability, listening, skillful communication. I know there is more, but these are the traits that are at the top for me and in no particular order.
“Love is ‘an intense feeling of deep affection’, however we all express love differently. So perhaps it’s our expression of love that we need to define. How do you express love?”
Do you define love as what you want from people who love you, or what you have to give as love to another? Do you know who you are on a deep level, especially your purpose, personal standards and boundaries? Do you love yourself first before loving another romantically?
These are all questions to consider in your definition of love. In fact, I think it would be wonderful for a couple getting married if their vows to each other included each of their definitions of love. Of course, this definition should be known to each other well before the ceremony; can’t you just picture the couple standing before the altar defining their version of love for the first time. Suddenly a jaw drops, eyes get huge, hands are dropped, he/she says, “Well, that’s just not acceptable!” and walks off down the aisle alone. Can’t you just picture the looks on the faces of the minister and guests? Sorry, just had to take a ‘humour’ digression. Right. Love is ‘an intense feeling of deep affection’, however we all express love
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differently. So perhaps it’s our expression of love that we need to define. How do you express love?
These are things I ‘give’ as love to a romantic partner and when I look at what I receive from him most of my list is returned. What you should do: Romantic love relationships are complex, but to begin with just this simple exercise of defining ‘love’, what it means to you, can be the beginning of a shift in the kind of person you attract in your quest (your goal) to have a wonderful romantic partner. Spend some time thinking this through. Your Assignment: Rather than first making a list of the traits you want in a partner, list what you are willing to give in a relationship; in other words, your definition of ‘love’. Now watch things change for you. This is one example of Inspirational Goaling, a new way for a new age.
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How Being Selfish is better for Sex! By Tiffany Manning
An intimate relationship promises much but only delivers and in turn, acknowledge their own state. what we are capable of staking to get there. This willingness to be awake, to go deeper, to express challenging emotions is necessary for the type of intimacy that We need to ask not only what we want from such relationship, crackles with excitement in equal proportion to it’s commitbut also what we are willing to risk to bring it about. Wanting ment and stability. to be cocooned or secured through relationship is very different than wanting to be awakened, deepened and brought alive One of the most intriguing obstacles to desire is caretaking. through relationship. If we really want to go for the latter, we This can be true for both men and women, though it mostly need to open to a whole new story…this may mean approach- affects women. Caretaking makes you think about others. But ing our relationships in ways to which we are not accustomed, that makes it hard to experience the freedom and autonomy for desire. and often prove to be the ultimate challenge. And here we stand or stumble. It is all too easy to be transfixed by the rhythm of habit, held in place both by our attachments to the other and to our own ideologies. We typically just trot out our usual roles—the misunderstood one, the victim, the reasonable one, etcetera, with someone who plays their role on que. This is precisely when wakefulness is of immense use. We need for our partners to be neither leading nor following -but to be walking by our side to compassionatly “call” behaviours
explain
Desire is rooted in autonomy, freedom, and selfishness. It’s about owning the wanting. If you can’t be selfish you can’t have orgasm -- but it is selfishness in the most positive terms. When you have good sex you are inside the other -- and inside yourself. If you can’t be inside yourself, you cannot be in touch with desire and sexual pleasure. With thanks to Robert Augustus Masters and research from the Kinsey Institute.
. s r love and love
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Attraction, Sex, Love... By Tiffany Manning
Fact: Attraction, sex, love... these things are so difficult to in- (loyalty to the tribe), hence shift from a lovers high to long tellectualize. And while even the most fleeting connections term commitment. can cause us to utterly lose ourselves, researchers have peered What is fascinating for Neuropsychology, is the discovery that into the brains of people who report being in love. each individual relationship triggers it’s own unique ‘neuroNeuroscientists have found is that in the early stages of a re- chemistry’. In other words, the ‘chemistry’ between two people. One bonding pair may produce lationship, people show increased ac“I cannot exist without you. I high seratonin and low oxytocin, antivity in the ventral tegmental area, am forgetful of everything but other pair may induce high levels of the dopamine factory that makes us crave things like sex and chocolate. seeing you again. My life seems both. Here is the reason behind why During this phase, we also pump out to stop there. I see no further. some pairs gleefully chase each other around into their 90’s, and other monster amounts of Serotonin, na- You have absorb’d me.” pairs morph into “Ma and Pa Kettle” tures natural antidepressant and the chemical responsible for the ecstasy that people experience by 25. when they take the drug methylenedioxymethamphetamine, or, well, ecstasy. Popularly, it is understood this initial attrac- Either way, neuroscientists has shown those of us who have tion and passion mellows into committment, which lights up been in love, understand the painful bliss that the poet Keats in the nucleus accumbens and the caudate nuceli, brain re- felt in his dying letter to his fiance: “I cannot exist without gions which add oxytocin and vasopressin to the mix. These you. I am forgetful of everything but seeing you again. My life neurochemicals are responsible for the strong attachment that seems to stop there. I see no further. You have absorb’d me.” exists between parent and child, known as the ‘bonding’ hormones. Their job is to produce trust (security), decrease anxi- With thanks to Cara Sant Maria, Huffington Post on December ety (produce contentment) and create familiarity imprinting 12th 2011 for research and blogging information.
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Our Contributors Edel O’Mahony
UK’s Leading Expert in Energetic Communications www.edelomahony.com
Motivational Speaker www.mercedesleal.com
Julie Nelson (Editor)
Joanne Faulkner
Aromatherapist (Aromatique Essentials) www.aromatiqueessentials.com.au
Astrologist (Two Hands Talking) www.tohata.com
Katrina Zaslavsky
Karen Thom
Inspired Wellness www.inspiredwellness.com.au
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Mercedes Leal
Social Entrepreneur & Sugar Mums International www.mannapages.com/livelife
Margaret Jarvinen Dream Analyst
www.margarentjarvinen.com
S. Dawn Sievers
Freelance Writer, Editor, Blogger & Social Media Consultant www.sdawnsieverswritingservices.com
Suzy Manning
Transitional Coach, Speaker, & Author www.sizzzl.com
Tiffany Manning
Psychological Wellbeing Practitioner tiffany@kookaburracottage.net
Amy Nelson-Blain
Photographer, Cinematographer & Graphic Designer www.amynelsonblain.com
Lynn Moore
Goal Coach / Mentor (Inspirational Goaling) www.inspirationalgoaling.com
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Cover Photography Credits: Photographer: Amy Nelson-Blain Stylist / Shoot Co-Ordinator / Editor: Julie Nelson Talent: Veronica Morland @ Dallys Models Hair and Make-up: Chereine Waddell Jewellery Designer: Make A Strand (Amanda Webb) All other photographic material is supplied by Corbis and iStock and/or their respective owners unless otherwise stated.
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