Sophia Al Maria The Gulf Colloquy Compendium
Global Art Forum_6
SOPHIA AL MARIA
THE GULF COLLOQUY COMPENDIUM EDITED BY MICHAEL C. VAZQUEZ
Written by Sophia Al Maria Edited by Michael C.Vazquez Designed by UBIK Printed at Raidy Printing Group in an edition of 1000 The Gulf Colloquy Compendium was commissioned by Global Art Forum_6, “The Medium of Media,” which took place at Mathaf: Arab Museum of Modern Art (March 18-19, 2012) and Art Dubai (March 21-24, 2012) Global Art Forum_6 Director Shumon Basar Global Art Forum was founded by Art Dubai in 2007. The sixth edition is co-presented by the Dubai Culture & Arts Authority (Dubai Culture) in partnership with Mathaf: Arab Museum of Modern Art (Qatar Museums Authority) © The Author, Art Dubai, Mathaf: Arab Museum of Modern Art (Qatar Museums Authority)
GLOBAL ART FORUM_6
THE GCC: AN INTRODUCTION You’ll have noticed by now, the Arabian Gulf is an anomalous place. And you would be correct to point out that it defies a variety of laws including natural, logical, and — in the case of this project — grammatical. The Gulf Colloquy Compendium (GCC) is a vernacular digest of words from the past and phrases from the future. You will find herein a lexicon of new and archaic Gulf phraseology. The GCC makes no claims to being objective or complete. You are invited to contribute your own entries at gulfcolloquycompendium.tumblr.com.
— Sophia Al Maria
CONTENTS ARAB HOSPITALITY 9 BB ROULETTE 10 BURJ OLYMPUS 11 BURTUQALA 12 CHICKEN NUGGET 13 COLD TEA 14 DEMERITOCRACY 15 DRAWEL 16 DUBAIING 17 EMO 18 EXPAT EXEC 19 FALCON 20 FAMILY DAY 21 FAMILY FUTURE 22 FEMALE PATTERN BOLDNESS 23 FILM HINDI 24 FRABBUCCINO 25 FRABBUCCINO INFLUENZA 26 HABARBISH 27 7ABITAYN 28 HA$$OOM 29 HENNA MOBILI 30 HIGHWATER HAMAD 31 HYPERBOLEMARKET 32 JA3MOOSE 33 JALIBISHFILNARMAHABINILISH 34 JIBNA, AL 35 JUMA 36 LEXUS 37 LULU 38 MACAROONS 39 MALLMENTIA 40 MCTAWWA 41 MEDICAL LEAVE 42 MOROCCO 43 MUSEUM OF DREAMS 44 NISSAN PATROL 45 NOKIA HANDS 46 OUDI SAUDI 47
PEARL 48 PHOTOSHOP 49 PRESS RELEASE POST 50 QATARIZATION 51 REARVIEW EYES 52 ROUNDABOUT RODEO 53 RUSSIAN 54 SALOON 55 SERVE IT LIKE TEA 56 SEXT 57 STALLION 58 STILL LIFE 59 SHANGHAIING 60 SHEIKH 61 TAILFEATHER FLASH 62 TIMESLUR 63 TAYOOR AL JANNA 64 THEMOPOLIS 65 TRANSLITERAL 66 TURKEY 67 TV TRAUMA 68 VEIL 69 VIAGRA 70 WORLD, THE 71
A
Popular brand concept.
ARAB HOSPITALITY
9
B
B
BBMing while driving on Sheikh Zayed Road.
BB ROULETTE
10
Home of gods, demigods, and self-proclaimed immortals like Tom Cruise.
Burj Olympus
11
B
C
A sexy, chubby woman; an orange.
Burtuqala
12
Person who has no command over their native language, having been raised by a domestic worker. In the Gulf, chicken nuggets speak a pidgin that incorporates Arabic, English, Tagalog, and Hindi.
Chicken Nugget
13
C
D
Ubiquitous drink in cowboy films broadcast on Saudi TV. Cowboy walks into a |Saloon|, points at a bottle of whiskey, and says, “O friend, a little of the cold tea, if you please.”
Cold Tea
14
The status quo.
Demeritocracy
15
D
D
Mistransliteration of Driver.
Drawel
16
The new |Shanghaiing|.
Dubaiing
17
E
E
Arabic poetry.
Emo
18
Underqualified, overpaid.
Expat Exec
19
F
F
Bank mascot.
Falcon
20
Weekly ritual during which single males, especially foreign laborers, are prohibited from entering public places such as zoos, malls, laser tag facilities, and/or the street.
Family Day
21
F
F
Family Day, every day, all day, forever.
Family Future
22
Intentional headdress malfunction, with the |Veil| pulled back high on the head, revealing the hair.
Female Pattern Boldness
23
F
F
When minor drama spirals into a major show of emotional pyrotechnics.
Film Hindi
24
Drink-cum-accessory for teenage girls in public space; preferably in Toffee Nut, Dolce de Leche, or Pumpkin Spice.
Frabbuccino
25
F
H
International epidemic presenting mostly in the Gulf.
Frabbuccino Influenza
26
Skeeze, loser, perve. Wearer of Ed Hardy.
Habarbish
27
H
H
\hab-it-ayn\ Informal exclamation of exhilaration accompanied by a double v-sign; compare woo. Literal meaning is two pills, referring to a doubledose of Saudi trucker speed.
7abitayn
28
\hash-oom\ adjective. A pretty-boy.
Ha$$oom
29
H
H
A style of Henna drawn down the outside of the palms, allowing the full design to be displayed while talking on a mobile phone.
Henna Mobili
30
A devout man.
Highwater Hamad
31
H
J
Super-duper mega-mondo mother of all hypermarkets; |Lulu|.
Hyperbole market
32
Miserly patron; literally, a banana-shaped turd.
Ja3moose
33
J
J
\ja’al-ibish-fil-nar-mahabi-nil-ish\ interj. Loving exclamation voicing the desire to cannibalize an infant child due to surfeit of cute. Literally, “Send your father to hell, you are just too lovable!”
Jalibishfilnarmahabinilish
34
SpongeBob SquarePants; literally, The Cheese.
Jibna, Al
35
J
L
A dreadlock of unorganized hair. (Archaic.)
Juma
36
\leks-us\ Choicest polyester Abaya fabric; choicest family sedan.
Lexus
37
L
M
Verb. To go Lulu is to go all-out in a tacky, flashy manner, as evinced by Lulu’ s|Hyperbolemarket|style light displays in Doha.
Lulu
38
Little sweet hamburgers from France.
Macaroons
39
M
M
Dissociative amnesia that sometimes occurs in shoppers entering identical L’Occitane shops in London, Singapore, and/or Bahrain and are subsequently unable to geolocate themselves.
Mallmentia
40
Mass-produced religious men who sit in mall atriums stroking their prodigious beards, soliciting donations and/or sex for poverty-stricken Muslims.
MCTawwa
41
M
M
Spring break.
Medical Leave
42
Bad girls.
Morocco
43
M
N
If you build it, will they come?
Museum of Dreams
44
The Honda Civic of off-road vehicles, often souped-up beyond recognition.
Nissan Patrol
45
N
O
Inappropriate public display of affection, like the holdy-hands in the Nokia logo.
Nokia hands
46
A Saudi tourist freshly dowsed in sandalwood oil. If downwind of an Oudi Saudi, you can detect him ten kilometers in advance.
Oudi Saudi
47
P
P
Public art; lady-part.
Pearl
48
Software designed to help you airbrush your self-portraits.
Photoshop
49
P
Press Release Post
Q
Local newspapers.
50
Positive discriminatory employment policy ensuring that for every foreign employee there will be three local employees with the same job.
Qatarization
51
R
R
Adjective. A very alluring look; a very threatening look. Derives from a popular automobile window decal displaying only the eyes of a beautiful woman.
Rearview Eyes
52
Competitive event in which multiple males in Land Cruisers attempt to road-tie a female driver in a Nissan Sunny.
Roundabout Rodeo
53
R
S
A compliment; an insult; an innuendo.
Russian
54
A hair salon; a four-door sedan; a very dry bar serving |Cold Tea|.
Saloon
55
S
S
Put the red wine in a teapot and say loudly while pouring it, Enjoy your Hibiscus beverage.
Serve It Like Tea
56
A love letter.
Sext
57
S
S
Construction logo.
Stallion
58
Art form popular among teenage girls possessing SLR cameras. Usual subjects: manicures, |Macaroons|, mobile phones.
Still Life
59
S
S
19th-century practice of conscripting men to work through trickery, intimidation, or violence.
Shanghaiing
60
Term of engrovelment.
Sheikh
61
T
T
Mating display in which a young human male raises the tail end of his Kawasaki and balances on the front wheel to attract the attention of receptive females in the vicinity.
Tailfeather Flash
62
Your grandmother monitoring her goats on your iPhone.
Timeslur
63
T
T
Hounds of Hell; literally, Birds of Heaven. Musical televangelist children from Palestine.
Tayoor al Janna
64
Media City ^ Education City ^ Space City ^ City City.
Themopolis
65
T
T
Example: the Arabic word sa-en-da-wu-ee-tch.
Transliteral
66
The land of raki and honey.
Turkey
67
T
V
Fatalistic sense of hopelessness and helplessness felt after watching natural disaster footage on Saudi TV.
TV Trauma
68
A lazy, high-impact word.
Veil
69
V
Viagra
W
Panadol.
70
A man-made archipelago that is sinking.
World, The
71
s
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The Medium of Media
Art Dubai Mathaf: Arab Museum of Modern Art