Isolation Diary
April 2020
Giulia Ballarin
Chissà chissà domani,
Who knows who knows tomorrow,
Su che cosa metteremo le mani
What are we going to get our hands on
Se si potrà contare ancora le onde del mare, e alzare la testa
If you can still count the waves of the sea, and raise your head
Non esser cosí seria
Don't be so serious
Rimani
Stay
(Lucio Dalla, Futura)
1 April 2020 First day in the new house. The moving was weird, and kind of hard. We moved our stuff a lot earlier, because we were worried of an imminent lockdown, so we’ve been living in an empty house for a while. Well, we’re finally here, settling down slowly and really excited, despite the difficult time. I’m having fun cooking big breakfasts, and decorating the house.
2 April 2020 Dedicate yourself to something
5 April 2020 I thought that being indoors would have killed all kind of inspirations. I was wrong, there’s a kind of bitter-sweet taste in being forced to stay inside. Looking around me I see beauty in every corner.
7 April 2020 It has been many days since the lockdown, can’t remember how many... I already lost my sense of time. It’s just so confusing. Days just look exactly the same, time is weirdly going really fast. Funnily enough, the clock on the tower stopped working.
8 April 2020 It’s just all so weird. Something I would have never imagined could happen.
10 April 2020 The sun from the window woke me up at 7am today. Still sleepy I went to look outside. It’s such a beautiful morning. Blue bright sky, no clouds. It looks so peaceful. I opened the window, birds are singing. No other noise. The orange light burns the trees. In the garden downstairs someone hung freshly washed laundry, there are colourful flowers on a wooden table.
My heart breaks thinking about the situation back home. It’s just unbelievable, sad and scary. I am worried for my family. At the same time I couldn’t be prouder of my country. I think I rediscovered my love for Italy, and I told myself when all of this is over, I’d think about going back, because despite all the problems we have, I have the luck to be from one of the most amazing countries and I should at least try and fight not to abandon it.
11 April 2020 I woke up and made myself a fresh orange juice. Sun was invading the room, warm‌ for a moment I was back home, at those peaceful summer days. When my mum one day would decide to make fresh orange juice for my sisters and me.
The sun is for me like The Madeleine for Proust. Every time spring comes back I have those sudden memories so often. Usually spring also means that I would probably take a trip back home pretty soon‌ but not this year. Who knows when I’ll be able to be back this year.
I feel empty
12 April 2020 I’m just pretending to be somewhere else.
3 May 2020 I always associated this period of the year to freedom. That time when everything is reborn and I’m usually filled with desire to live. It brings me positivity, a sense of happiness. It’s that time when I start wanting to spend time in nature, having fun, laughing more, travel… And this year, this beautiful time is actually associated with something completely opposite to life and freedom. It’s weird, and sad. How can the sun be shining so bright, now that everything seems to be falling into pieces.
28 April 2020 It has been a while since I last wrote anything here… The last few days haven’t been so good. I’ve been bored and spending too much time in front of the tv. Today I’m trying to get back on track. I am trying to learn how to paint with watercolours. I’m really bad, but it really makes me feel good when I’m painting, or even just crafting something with my own hands. It’s very relaxing.
30 April 2020 Today I really needed to go for a walk. I’ve been locked in for about a month, or more. I never left my house, except for quick shopping once or twice a week. I felt the extreme need to just go out, in some park, sit there and breathe fresh air. We did it. After a month we went out for a walk. It felt amazing, like breathing again after keeping your head underwater for too long.
I feel
nostalgic
Ed il gallo passeggia impettito dentro il nostro cortile Se la guerra è finita perchè ti si annebbia di pianto
And the rooster is strutting around inside our courtyard If the war is over why are you clouded with tears
Questo giorno di aprile
On
Ma il paese è in festa e saluta i soldati tornati Mentre mandrie di nuvole pigre dormono sul campanile Ed ognuno ritorna alla vita come i fiori nei prati
But the country is celebrating and greets the returned soldiers While herds of lazy clouds sleep on the bell tower And everyone returns to life like flowers in the meadows
Come il vento di aprile
Like April wind
(Quel giorno d’ Aprile, Francesco Guccini)
this April day