12 Candles

ANDLES

New Year Issue - No. 12

Year 3

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Please send your From ASMITA’s Desk... suggestions & Articles for the next issue of CANDLES to “Mr. Chiradeep Patra, iving is a word, when it comes to our mind, the first thing we do is, 11A/1A, Mahendra Chatterjee Lane, hesitate. We quickly think 'should I give?' Then we think 'if I give how will it Kolkata - 700 046; benefit me?' 'What about the losses?' 'What about the sacrifices I have to E-Mail: make?' And so on… thecandles@sify.com

Attitude of Giving

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Mobile: 09830930379

Our self-centeredness doesn't allow us to give freely. Rather it always thinks of Web Site: what will I receive? We always feel happy when we get something from others. So http://candlesmagazine.blogspot.com we always expect from others and when we don't get what we expect then we get hurt. It may be a stuff or behaviour. Isn't it true? In fact the truth is if we give we All the articles don't get hurt. should reach us at least one month in advance. The publisher reserves the right to edit, publish or reject the submitted articles.

Articles submitted Cannot be returned, so please keep a copy of the article sent to us.

What can we give? Giving doesn't mean that we give everything and sit on the road or it doesn't mean that what is useless for me I give it away whether its of any use to the other person who is receiving it or not. It will be termed as giving when the gift is useful to the person we give and a sacrifice is attached to that gift. It may be a mere concern for others or a smile to those who had hated us, mistreated us in our past. We can stretch out our helping hands to others who are desperately in need. We can help them physically, by praying for them, by counseling them, by encouraging those who are sad and depressed. We can Local Address give our old clothes to the people who don't have anything to wear.

for New Delhi

Contact: Rev. Joshua 109-B#Pkt - I, Dilshadgarden New Delhi - 110 095 Cell:09810364986

In this New Year, I would like to encourage you all to pursue the attitude of giving instead of expecting always. God is the greatest giver. God gave us and he gave His Best. Nobody can give beyond and above what He gave. He offered His best on the cross by giving His own life. He loved us to the uttermost.

So we should give our best whatever may be the cost involved in it.

Benefits of Giving: Bible says in Proverbs 18:16 'A man's gift makes room for him,

and brings him before great men.' That means we will get opportunity to help and E-mail: seva_network@hotmail.com encourage those who are in problem. The bottom line is we can be part of their

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lives. We can give them a reason to live and I believe that is the best thing we can ever give in this earth.

OUR FAMILY

Stay In or Stay Out?

By Mr. Chiradeep Patra

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ne fine morning I was reading the newspaper where I found an article on 'Court Rules for Divorce'.

There are few statements that caught my eye. These statements are mostly influenced by the modern life style of people and I have given some counter statements based on God's standard against each of those statements. (The statements in ITALICS are given in the newspaper and statements made by me are in BOLD).

A.“Now a couple can seek divorce on grounds of incompatibility or irreconcilable differences.”

The Bible says that 'you shouldn't separate what God has joined together…' (Matt. 19:6). The Bible allows us divorce only in one case and that is 'Sexual Immorality' (Matt. 19: 9).

B. “Divorces don't rock the institution of marriage. It's not as if marriages aren't on the rise. The argument of protecting society by toughening laws doesn't hold. People should be respected for taking decisions.”

'People should be respected for taking decisions.' OH! Then God should be neglected! God's rules can be violated! God rules are taken for granted in today's world. Awful!

C. “Why not accept the fact that a couple isn't getting along and has-mutually-decided to part ways? Like Shweta and Shantanu. Barely six months into their marriage, they go to the lawyer, sit across the table like old friends and decide to call it quits, due to ‘irreconcilable differences’. They even throw in a hug and hand shake, once the deed is signed”.

Today man has become so intolerant that it seeks divorce for incompatibility or irreconcilable differences. How the relationships are becoming. I think nothing is irreconcilable. Every relationship is reconcilable. True love can repair and reconcile.

D. “Women are now financially independent and, with their increased social exposure, have gained in maturity and confidence. They are proactively taking relationship decisions. They decide whether to stay in a marriage or opt out.”

The most suitable companion of man is taking decisions whether to stay in a marriage or opt out of it.

The purpose to build a home, which God had given to her in the beginning, cannot hold her back anymore.

E. “From a Marriage or family oriented Culture; we have shifted to a couple-oriented society, which is slowly moving towards single hood.”

God said man should not stay alone (Genesis 2:18). But man wants to be alone, 'single hood'.

F. “New Concepts, such as personal space and freedom, are gaining precedence over traditional institutions of marriage and family.”

God created marriage and family in His divine way and the value He put in it is also divine and unique.

But these days that institution is neglected in fact destroyed and people have made their separate forms of living because of their selfishness.

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G. “You cannot petition for divorce before completing a year of marriage. You have to produce substantive proof that you and your spouse have been ‘Living separately’ and have had no conjugal relations for a year.

Also, you are given six months ‘to think things over’. So, You have to wait one-and-a-half-years, before you and your spouse can finally put ways.”

I really appreciate the government and court rules that they are not in haste in breaking a marriage though legally. They search for 'substantive proof' that the couples applied for divorce have been ‘Living separately’ and have had no conjugal relations for a year.

Once I was discussing with an advocate on this issue. And she told me 'when the couples come for divorce we literally counsel them to rethink and we give them time for the same.' She further said that 'we try our best to reunite them and restore the relationship.' Wow! Commendable!

The court might make the procedure easy but the reason behind the procedure should be revised and should be based on God's standard.

I would really like the readers to give their feedbacks on these STATEMENTS, which can really help couples to get rid of making foolish emotional decisions.

Handle with Care Mrs. Swapna Nanda

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he Tongue is a very necessary tool for taste. Without taste we cannot enjoy food. The tongue is also very fragile; therefore it has to be handled with care. Unfortunately we make very liberal use of the tongue such as:

#To tell a lie: we tell a lie be it white or grey in order to escape from any uneasy situation. #To boast: we use this tongue to boast about status, wealth, achievements etc. #To back bite: we use it to back bite about people who differ with us. #To spread rumor: we use this organ to spread many things which could be kept covered and avoid assassinating ones character. #To criticize others: we mistake it as our birthright and use this medium to demean others.

Wait a Minute!!! God has given us a spirit of power, of love and sound mind. So the real use of the tongue lies in the decision of the person with a Spirit controlled temperament who wisely uses it for: JEncouraging a person who is struggling.

JSay a kind word in the time of adversity JSpeak a positive word in the face of negativism JBless people when they hurt you.

JPray for others and yourself.

JBest of all, to rest the tongue for a while in regular basis.

This little organ if not handled with care can destroy families, communities and nation. It can be compared to a small spark of fire that can destroy the whole forest (James 2: 5-8). At the same time if we are conscious then the tongue can be used to heal broken hearts, bind many wounds in people and in between communities and bring peace instead of strife.

Tongue is like a knife with a sharp edge. Whether we use it to cut a cake or use it to strike some one is our choice. Therefore, it is a daily choice whether we handle the tongue with care or use it to hurt others.

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Now “The Candles” Has Started A Website Ministry. So Don’t Forget To Visit And Give Your Comments...

Website Address: http://thecandles.wordpress.com Join the Prayer Network at: http://prayingfriends.bravehost.com For prayer requests & counseling email us: share_your_problems@hotmail.com

Helping the Traumatic A Special Report by Mr. Chiradeep Patra

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Valentines Day Special

‘LOVE’ Prescriptions

By King Solomon

'Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins.

Proverbs 10:12

oday's world is full of violence and disasters. People and children get hurt in each of these small and big incidents of violence and disasters. And it is very important for us to know that these violence or natural disasters can cause trauma in many people, especially the young and the little ones. And it is our responsibility as elders to help them out of their traumas. Before that we ‘Open rebuke is better than secret need to know few things about 'trauma' & 'helping the traumatized child'. love.’

Proverbs 27:5 Trauma is hurt or harm. It can be hurt to a person's body or mind. The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) works to help children who experience trauma.

It has prescribed few points for the adults or the volunteers or the social workers to follow while working with the traumatic, which are given as under: Identifying the children who have the following symptoms: $ Refuse to go to the places that remind them of the event $ Seem numb emotionally $ Show little reaction to the event $ Behave dangerously These children may need extra help.

Marriage Quotes Amy Bloom:

“Love at first sight is easy to understand; it's when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime Following are the general suggestions for the adults working with a that it becomes a miracle.”

Traumatic child: vListen to them Friedrich Nietzsche: vAccept their feelings “It is not a lack of vDo not argue with them love, but a lack of vHelp them to learn the coping abilities friendship that vDo not change the place of residence frequently makes unhappy vDo not keep them away from family and friends marriages.” vTake away the pressures at school vAdvise family members to avoid fighting within the family John Berger: vGive food immediately when the child is hungry “All weddings are vDo not ignore severe reactions similar, but every vBe attentive to sudden changes in their behaviors, language use, or in marriage is emotional/feeling states different.” vRemind children that adults Love and Support them

Dear Adults! Please identify & help the child in your vicinity who is traumatized by some events. Be a healing agent to him / her.

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Joseph Barth:

“Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up.”