THE SELF CARE CORNER
W
HEN I WAS YOUNGER, MY parents (and my Kindergarten teachers) always enforced the golden rule: “Treat Others How You Want to be Treated.” The rule would be posted on gold stars throughout classrooms, and also dictated to me at home. It’s simple really. People just want to be treated like people. Confession: Despite me being now twentytwo, I still always reflect back to that Kindergarten ideal. Although this childhood rule is golden, it’s lost a little shimmer throughout my adolescent and transitioning adult years. I’m a college graduate and no longer in classrooms, but I realized that as I got older, in general the rule was almost forgotten amongst people. It’s as if people had simply abandoned the rule of basic
out of, whereas selfishness is a trait we kind of instinctively know. I mean how many times in a day are we told to “Always put yourself first”? More often than we care to admit. Although this is something we should do, there is a fine line between setting boundaries for your overall well being, and being a toxic individual. We hear the word toxic probably everyday of our lives. From describing relationships, to friendships, to even parental figures. What exactly does it even mean? To this day, I have only my own narrowed view of the description of a toxic person from what I have experienced. Someone who is self serving, egocentric, and even at times a bit self sabotaging. Wait, doesn’t some of that also describe me occasionally?
Maybe I’m The Problem BY MCKENNA KELLEY
human decency that was expected of us since age five. I could see the ways in which people disregarded it, and at times as in some cases even myself. What seemed like such a fundamental value, now was a selective choice. Although I always prided myself on being a kind person, which I can attribute to my upbringing, there were times when I saw how easily it was to be selfish. In a world of societal hierarchy and greed, selfishness is usually rewarded. The truth is, what nobody really tells you, is that being outwardly understanding of others and compassionate is actually selfless. Due to our societal structure, selflessness is something people actively choose to opt
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The hardest self discovery I had to learn was the fact that sometimes I could be toxic too. Looking back on failed relationships and tainted friendships, it was sometimes difficult for me to admit the fact that at times I actually contributed to the problems. For instance: When an important friend in my life at the time tried to talk to me about my behaviour in our friendship, I combatively defended and denied what I subconsciously knew. I was the toxic one. With some introspection I began to see that the problem wasn’t owning up to my past mistakes, it was the fact that when people would give me honest criticism, I oftentimes saw this as a negative attack on my self
worth. This is something most people usually do when we go through the world operating from a place of ego, instead of from a place of understanding. This mostly leads to self sabotage in both personal and professional relationships. The truth is criticism isn’t hard to take, it’s the self discovery that comes after the delivery. It’s coming to terms with the fact that you in fact do not know everything, and must grow in order to move forward. The hardest part of this new self discovery, if you choose to take the advice given, is holding yourself accountable. Why? Because choosing to take accountability is not only demanding, but humbling. Humility and selfishness do not pair, therefore in a society that deems selfishness acceptable, taking accountability for your actions is usually a last resort. Taking accountability forces you to see another person’s perspective, and requires you to be vulnerable. It is much easier to play the victim. Sadly, victim mentality is at an all time high. I’m not talking about unfortunate situations where you can actually fall prey to being a victim. I am directly speaking about the mindset that we have the tendency to embody, which tells us that in every situation it is not our fault. I realized a common theme in the fallouts I had experienced in workplaces and in relationships. I examined that the storyline ending was always the same, I was the one wronged. While some situations were entirely out of my control, after a hard examination of the ones that may have been,
THE HARDEST SELF DISCOVERY I HAD TO LEARN WAS THE FACT THAT SOMETIMES I COULD BE TOXIC TOO I realized things I did and tolerated, did not warrant me feeling like a victim. This hurt, but the realization forced me to grow. I had to understand that at a time, I started to only attract toxicity into my life by adopting the ideal that I would always be hurt or upset. It was something that was subconsciously premeditated and therefore manifest-
