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OCTOBER 29, 2015 | The Jewish Home
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B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M
THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME
FEBRUARY 4, 2021
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TJH
Centerfold
Types of Annoying Football Watchers D The Salsa Guy: The whole game he is busy with the salsa. For some reason, the salsa bottle always seems to levitate away from him, because every two minutes he is poking you to “pass the salsa.” Hey, I have an idea, why don’t you cool it with the chips a little! D The Watcher Non-Watcher: The guy who claims that he is not watching the game but stands there the whole game slightly to the left of the screen and watches every second of the game but keeps reminding you that he is not watching. Slick move – with two minutes to play and the winning team up by 3 touchdowns, you announce that you’re leaving. Interesting. You were supposed to leave an hour and a half ago. What
happened then? D The X’s and O’s Guy: Sure, you know so much about football. You should be a coach. That’s right, they are “bringing in the nickel package.” You spotted it! Bill Belichick would definitely hire you if he knew you. D The Volume Guy: He loves to turn up the volume whenever there’s a big play so he can hear the analysis. Dude, you don’t have to turn up the volume. You can hear the announcers just fine on the blasting volume that we had the game on the whole time! Big play does not equal big volume! D The See-Nothing Person: He or she keeps wondering why people watch football. “I don’t get it. They just seem to be standing around doing nothing the whole time!”
That’s right. All they do is stand around. So, I have a good idea – don’t waste your time watching! D The Refs Are Cheating Guy: He’s throwing projectiles, slamming his hands on the couch cushions, grabbing his yarmulka…. “That was the worst call I ever saw!!” Hey, listen buddy, the ref can’t hear you, OK? Settle down; don’t pop an artery – or my eardrums! D The You Think They Are Happy Guy: He’s the guy who reminds you the whole game that these sports players are really miserable, jacked up on steroids, and have no lives. OK. I get it. They are horrible, miserable people. Guess what? I really don’t care. I enjoy watching them play.
You Gotta be Kidding Me! Three guys from LA, Boston and New York meet an angel. The guy from LA starts crying and says to the angel, “It was the highlight of my life when the Dodgers won the 2020 World Series; when will they win it again?” The angel replies, “In two years.” The guy from Boston then has a chance to talk to the angel and recalls all of the Patriots’ Super Bowl victories. “But now we don’t have Tom Brady anymore,”
he cries. “Will we ever get back to the big game?” The angel responds that he should not worry; a new quarterback will come along and they will win the Super Bowl again within five years. Finally, the guy from New York gets to talk to the angel and says, “When will my beloved Jets win a Super Bowl?” The angel starts to cry.
