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THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME
MAY 12, 2022
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TJH
Centerfold
You Are Normal If… A A You have searched for your phone while holding it in your hand. (It’s at those moments when you realize that you are in the thick of millennialism.)
When you sing while wearing headphones, you take them off for a second just to make sure that the whole neighborhood can’t hear you. (Because, no, you are not tone-deaf, and you don’t want people to think that you are.)
You have bought a week’s worth of healthy food and didn’t end up eating any of it. (Good tip: always go shopping one day AFTER you start your new healthy eating plan.)
A
You accidentally take on another’s distinct accent during conversation, especially if they’re from the south. (Y’all do that, too?)
A
You avoid talking to someone because you forgot their name. (And you know that there is no sweeter sound to people than the sound of their own name.)
A
You have taken a break from the internet on your computer to check out the internet on your phone. (That is when you should remember those archaic things called books.)
You ignore an email for a week and when you finally figure out how to respond, you write, “Somehow, I missed this…” (It’s not a lie because I did “miss this” – I never said how I missed it…)
A
A
You hit the elevator button multiple times when you get in. (This usually results in a quick self-analysis: Am I OCD?)
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When the phone rings and you don’t want to answer the call, you lay your hands off it and stare at the phone until it stops ringing. (Because if you are not careful, your fingers will somehow double-click the stop-ringing button disobeying your decision, regardless of the neural message that you are transmitting to them.)
A
You listen intently to the conversation taking place at the next table in the restaurant… just to confirm that other people’s lives are no more interesting than your life. (“Susan went to Israel today…” “I have a dentist appointment next week…” “Did you get through to Barry yet?” Blah, blah, blah)
A
You check out who is in the car near you and when you are busted you make believe that you were looking at something else. (It’s OK when you’re busted – you only got busted because they are doing the same thing as you!)
A
