Centerfold

1. * TJH Centerfold

You Are Normal If…

AYou have searched for your phone while holding it in your hand. (It’s at those moments when you realize that you are in the thick of millennialism.) A When you sing while wearing headphones, you take them off for a second just to make sure that the whole neighborhood can’t hear you. (Because, no, you are not tone-deaf, and you don’t want people to think that you are.)

AYou have bought a week’s worth of healthy food and didn’t end up eating any of it. (Good tip: always go shopping one day AFTER you start your new healthy eating plan.)

AYou avoid talking to someone because you forgot their name. (And you know that there is no sweeter sound to people than the sound of their own name.) A You accidentally take on another’s distinct accent during conversation, especially if they’re from the south. (Y’all do that, too?)

AYou have taken a break from the internet on your computer to check out the internet on your phone. (That is when you should remember those archaic things called books.)

AYou hit the elevator button multiple times when you get in. (This usually results in a quick self-analysis: Am I OCD?) A You ignore an email for a week and when you finally figure out how to respond, you write, “Somehow, I missed this…” (It’s not a lie because I did “miss this” – I never said how I missed it…)

AYou listen intently to the conversation taking place at the next table in the restaurant… just to confirm that other people’s lives are no more interesting than your life. (“Susan went to Israel today…” “I have a dentist appointment next week…” “Did you get through to Barry yet?” Blah, blah, blah)

AWhen the phone rings and you don’t want to answer the call, you lay your hands off it and stare at the phone until it stops ringing. (Because if you are not careful, your fingers will somehow double-click the stop-ringing button disobeying your decision, regardless of the neural message that you are transmitting to them.) A You check out who is in the car near you and when you are busted you make believe that you were looking at something else. (It’s OK when you’re busted – you only got busted because they are doing the same thing as you!)

Nitty Gritty

Using the grid below, how many words can you find? Each word must contain the central letter V and no letter can be used twice; however, the letters do not have to be connected. Proper nouns are not allowed, although, plurals are. There is at least one nine letter word.

O E R

d V B

R A O Wisdom Key How many words can you find? Genius: 28 words

Excellent: 20 words

Good: 16 words

Average: 12 words

roved, rover, var, verb, voe board, overbroad, overdo, rave, raved, raver, rev, rove, bravoed, deva, dove, drove, drover, ova, over, overabove, adverb, ave, aver, brave, braved, braver, bravo, Answers

You Gotta Be Kidding Me!

A man died and went to heaven. There, the angels told him, “Before you meet with G-d, we should tell you — we’ve looked over your life, and to be honest, you really didn’t do anything particularly good or bad. We’re not really sure what to do with you. Can you tell us anything you did that can help us make a decision?”

The newly-arrived soul thought for a moment and replied, “Yeah, once I was driving along and came upon a person who was being harassed by a group of thugs. So I pulled over, got out a bat, and went up to the leader of the thugs. He was a big, muscular guy with a ring pierced through his lip. Well, I tore the ring out of his lip, and told him he and his gang had better stop bothering this guy or they would have to deal with me!”

“Wow, that’s impressive,” the angels replied. “When did this happen?”

“About three minutes ago,” came the reply.

Riddle Me This

Five percent of all people living in a town have unlisted phone numbers. If you selected 100 names from the phonebook, on average, how many of these people would be unlisted?

have listed phone numbers. names from a phonebook, so they all Zero. You are selecting Answer: