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THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME
MAY 12, 2022
Dating Dialogue
What Would You Do If… Moderated by Jennifer Mann, LcSW of the Navidaters
Before I go into my question, I want to tell you a bit about our family dynamics.
Dear Navidaters,
Our family has four girls and one boy, Moshe* (the youngest). He is a real catch – the sensitivity he has from growing up with so many sisters (plus all of our fashion advice doesn’t hurt!). He’s also very bright and can do anything he puts his mind to. He’s a shtark professional, who was learning full time for quite a few years until now. To all who meet him, they’re flabbergasted as to how he is still single. To me, it is quite clear.
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Our mother really holds a tight ship surrounding his shidduchim. He is 33, and she still takes all his suggestions and fields the calls, collects the resumes, and makes the decisions. My brother feels like it would deeply sadden her if he demanded to take over (and he’s right). He is her baby, and she makes that very clear! She wants to control the situation and thinks he deserves only the best, but at the same time she really convinces herself that no girl is good enough. He’s 33 and still she has never allowed him to date a girl with divorced parents, BT parents, out-of-towners, or a girl who has had a broken engagement. She’s just as picky as ever (if not more picky) on his behalf as the years go by.
I see him with my kids and know he will be a great father. He looks at my mother with an ayin tovah and does not see anything wrong with how she handles his shidduchim, truly believing that she is acting for his benefit. I, however, along with two of my sisters, completely see right through the charade. We decided to send you this question. Do you agree this has got to stop? If we plan intervention, is that coming between our brother’s kibbud em? How can we manage to create some change, so our brother has hope and freedom to find an amazing wife? Thank you Chani, Tova, and Russi*
Disclaimer: This column is not intended to diagnose or otherwise conclude resolutions to any questions. Our intention is not to offer any definitive conclusions to any particular question, rather offer areas of exploration for the author and reader. Due to the nature of the column receiving only a short snapshot of an issue, without the benefit of an actual discussion, the panel’s role is to offer a range of possibilities. We hope to open up meaningful dialogue and individual exploration.
