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Mimi Ankri Thankfully nowadays it’s become more “in” and accepted to wear colors so I’m pretty thrilled about that. What do you love most about living in Baltimore? The cicadas. Been looking forward to them since I moved here. (Really I was planning on being in Israel for those 4 weeks but life kind of changed all that). For real though, the community here is incredible. Such a fantastic mix of people and businesses! I love how helpful everyone is here. I’m lucky to live in such a warm and supportive community. Anything else you’d like to share with our 10,000+ cover to

cover readers? If you’re not already following @themimiboutique on Instagram you should! Not only do I share tons of behind the scenes, try-ons and the newest arrivals but I also tend to share some of the best memes around! So definitely give a follow if you enjoy a fashion and humor! What is your business location, website and social media? 50 E Sudbrook Ln Baltimore MD 21208 www.themimiboutique.com @themimiboutique on Instagram/Facebook

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Tell us about yourself? I’m one of 5, born and raised in Cleveland, Ohio. I met my incredible husband, Donny Ankri (yes, the architect), while he was working at my brother’s wedding when I was only 18. He was the waiter for his parent’s company Catering by Yaffa, and the rest is history! What do you do for a living? I started, own and run a super fun storefront and online clothing boutique called, The Mimi Boutique. How did you decide to start your own business? Baby steps. Honestly, up until the age of 15 I couldn’t care less about clothing and fashion (surprise!). By the time I was 25 though, I was selling costume

jewelry out of my house. It was all just a hobby as I was both working and in dental hygiene school at the time. I never really believed I would be able to have my own storefront let alone afford one. But eventually I expanded into headwear, baby accessories and then dresses (and a website). My cliental grew and B’H my business also did. I grew out of my house and shared a space with the lovely Belle Bambini for nearly 2 years before taking the leap and getting my own place. And here I am B’H nearly 7 years later! What makes your business so unique? A few things with customer service being number one. I strive to make sure both myself and my staff excel at that. My staff and I like to keep the atmosphere of the boutique bright, relaxing, and enjoyable so customers can chill, stress-free. We all enjoy helping people and dressing them so we like to give personal attention to those shopping in store (or online) when possible! I really love when people leave happy and feel good about themselves. I also really try to have something for everyone (size inclusive) and to offer more colors and prints then your typical black dress stores.

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A Day of Mourning

Israel held a national day of mourning on Sunday after 45 people were killed in a tragic stampede during the Lag B’Omer celebrations in Meron. Musical events were canceled, along with sports and cultural events. Israeli flags across the country and at diplomatic missions overseas were lowered to half-mast, and schools nationwide instructed teachers to dedicate an hour to speaking with students about the tragedy. In addition, the weekly government meeting slated to take place on Sunday was canceled while the Knesset held a candle-lighting ceremony in memory of the victims. Radio and television stations refrained from airing advertisements during breaks and broadcast quiet music instead of the usual programming. The national day of mourning was

announced by Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu on Friday morning and was approved later that day by the cabinet in a vote held over the phone. “On Sunday, we will hold a national day of mourning and lower the Israeli flags to half-mast in all public buildings, IDF bases, and Israeli missions abroad,” Netanyahu said in video he released on social media. “Let us all unite with the grief of the families and pray for the wounded. Blessed are those who perish.” Netanyahu continued, “There were heartbreaking scenes here. People who were crushed to death, including children.” National days of mourning are rare and testify to the extreme tragedy that occurred in Meron last week. National days of mourning were held after Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin was assassinated in 1955 and after a tragic helicopter crash killed 73 IDF soldiers in 1997. Days of mourning were also declared after the assassination of John F. Kennedy and the 9/11 attacks. Forty-five people had been crushed to death after large crowds triggered a stampede in a narrow walkway at the tomb of Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai in Meron. Preliminary reports painted a picture of chaos, in which police and rescue forces struggled to gain control over the panicked crowd numbering as much as 300,000 people. In interviews and on social media, former high-ranking police officers described how the lack of effective

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The Week In News management at the site made such a tragedy a matter of time. Unlike other national religious sites such as the Western Wall and Me’aras Hamachpela, the kever in Meron is not under the exclusive authority of one specific entity, rendering attempts to impose order exceedingly difficult. Since 2012, the Israel Police have recommended that the government forcibly take control of the site and implement urgently-needed renovations. Yet all attempts to do so were mired by political infighting and a legal battle between different chassidic groups and the local municipality.

A Pain Too Much to Bear A 19-year-old Teaneck native was amongst the 45 people killed in last Friday’s tragic stampede at the tomb of Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai in Meron. Donny Morris had been spending the year studying in Sha’alvim, a ye-

shiva near Modi’in. He had traveled to Meron together with a group of relatives and friends on Thursday evening in order to participate in the mass annual Lag B’Omer celebration. Morris was late to rest on Sunday evening in a funeral attended by thousands at Sha’alvim, with another 79,000 viewing the live internet stream. His final sendoff had been delayed to allow family members to arrive from North America. “I have so many questions but little to no answers,” said Donny’s mother Mirlana Morris, telling the crowd that her son’s death was “a pain more than a mother can bear.” “But what I do know for sure is that you were loved by so many,” she said. Sha’alvim eulogized Donny as a friendly and diligent student who loved studying Torah and who spent long hours at the yeshiva study hall. “Daniel was an amazing student, he was studious and beloved by his friends, he had a sense of humor and

was bursting with love of life,” the yeshiva said. “Daniel had an excellent character and acted with pleasantness; he loved very much to learn Torah. He came to Israel from New Jersey, in order to learn Torah in the Land of Israel.”

The school added, “Sha’alvim embraces the bereaved Morris family and is in touch with his parents, family, and community rabbi, who all received the bitter news. The school’s staff is embracing Daniel’s friends

and the shocked students, and is in touch with professionals to provide the necessary support.” Donny had chosen to spend a gap year in Israel after graduating from Yeshiva University’s MTA high school. He is the first American student in an overseas program to be killed since 18-year-old Boston native Ezra Schwartz was gunned down by Palestinian terrorists in a 2015 West Bank shooting. Donny was one of the six U.S. citizens killed in the stampede on Lag B’Omer. The other victims included Shragee Gestetner, a singer and father of 5 who had arrived in Israel specifically to attend the Lag B’Omer celebration in Meron. Gestetner’s funeral on Friday was attended by hundreds of Israelis who learned from social media that he did not have any immediate family in Israel. Diaspora Affairs Minister Omer Yankelevich called on the public to escort Gestetner to his final resting place on Har Hamenuchot, writing

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that “we won’t leave him alone in his final moments.” The Consulate General of Israel in New York said in a statement on Friday that it was “working with the families of all those who died and were injured to enter Israel as easily and quickly as possible.”

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Palestinian Authority Chairman Mahmoud Abbas announced last week that he will postpone the elections for the PA parliament that were slated to occur next month. Abbas announced the move last Friday, which he said came due to Israel’s refusal to allow East Jerusalem Arabs to participate in the elections. Viewing Jerusalem’s Arab residents as Israeli citizens, Israel does not allow the PA to establish voting booths in its capital city. “We decided to postpone the election until there is a guarantee on Jerusalem,” Abbas said during a meeting of Palestinian factions in Ramallah. “We call upon the international community to pressure Israel not to take these aggressive steps.” The rival Hamas terror organization blasted the decision as a “coup” and vowed to retaliate. Earlier, Hamas reiterated that it opposed “any attempt to postpone the election.” In a statement, the group said that “the decision to delay the elections is opposed to our national consensus and popular opinion. It is a coup against our agreements,” Hamas asserted. While Abbas pointed to Israel’s policy banning East Jerusalem

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residents from voting as the reason behind the decision, many observers say that the aging president had postponed the election due to fears of a Hamas victory. The ruling Fatah party and Hamas remain at loggerheads ever since the latter won a surprise victory in the most recent vote in 2006 and summarily ejected Fatah from the Gaza Strip. Recent polls had shown Hamas gaining ground in the West Bank, sparking fears amongst Fatah officials that the terror group would seize the levers of power. Palestinians had been slated to vote for the Palestinian Legislative Council on May 22, followed by a presidential election on July 1. The elections were to have been the first since 2006 and were viewed by many Palestinians as an opportunity to replace the aging leadership with a younger generation.

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The Week In News The IDF Spokesperson’s Unit said in a statement that at least four additional combat battalions would be deployed in the West Bank. The troops will remain in the volatile territories for at least two weeks and will focus on guarding roads and main shopping centers. “Additional IDF combat soldiers will be reinforcing the Judea and Samaria Division in accordance with our ongoing situational assessment,” said the IDF. “We will continue to operate against terror.” The first attack occurred on Monday morning and saw a knife-weilding 60-year-old Palestinian woman approach three soldiers near the Gush Etzion junction. She was shot after refusing to drop the sharp weapon and was pronounced dead hours later. Later in the day, three yeshiva students were seriously injured in a drive-by shooting at the busy Tapuach Junction in Samaria. Video footage shows the terrorist pulling up to the teeming intersection in a silver SUV and stopping before emptying a magazine into the waiting passengers. The three injured were returning from yeshiva in Itamar and remain in critical condition. A preliminary report presented to Chief of Staff Aviv Kochavi determined that the terrorist acted alone, finding that the soldiers at the scene failed to hit him despite firing seven bullets. Occurring shortly after each other and in separate parts of the West Bank during the Islamic Holy Month of Ramadan, the attacks have led to fears of a new wave of Palestinian terror.

Gantz Appointed Justice Minister Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu appointed Kahol Lavan leader Benny Gantz as justice minister on Wednesday, capitulating following a spat some called the country’s worst-ever constitutional crisis. Netanyahu announced last week that he was supporting the appointment of Gantz, less than 24 hours after leading a contentious vote to install Likud loyalist Ofir Okunis to the influential post. Government ministers approved Gantz’s nomination following Netanyahu’s decision in a vote held over Zoom. The Prime Minister’s Office said in a statement that “after his compromise offers were once again rejected this morning, and to exit the dead end and enable the necessary activity of the Justice Ministry, the prime minister has decided to appoint Benny Gantz as justice minister in the transitional government.” Following Netanyahu’s announcement, the High Court of Justice canceled the hearing over the issue that was slated to occur later in the day. The prime minister’s decision marked a stunning about-face only 24 hours after he appointed Okunis to the role over the furious objections of Gantz and Attorney General Avichai Mandelblit. Gantz’s term as acting justice minister had expired earlier this month, leading the ministry leaderless and plunging Israel’s legal system into a deadlock. Having taken on the role after former Justice Minister Avi

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The Week In News Nisenkoren abandoned Kahol Lavan, Gantz needed the government to approve his reappointment.

Netanyahu rejected Mandelblit’s legal opinion, saying via his attorneys that the Attorney General was not a “super legislature.” The High Court summarily froze the appointment of Okunis and scheduled a hearing on Wednesday to determine who would become Justice Minister, something that would have constituted an unprecedented infringement on separation of powers.

However, Netanyahu refused to convene the government in order to prevent his political rival from returning to the influential position. But following pressure from the High Court of Justice, Netanyahu promised to bring the appointment to a vote. Led by Netanyahu, Likud ministers voted for Okunis to fill the role, leading the meeting to deteriorate into a shouting match. Mandelblit then declared the vote illegal, pointing to a clause in the national unity government agreement Netanyahu and Gantz signed last May mandating that both parties agree on senior appointments.

Ohana: I’m Not to Blame

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Public Security Minister Amir Ohana maintained that he was not ac-

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countable for last week’s disaster in Meron that killed 45 people. Amid a growing outcry over the Israel Police’s mishandling of the mass Lag B’Omer festivity, Ohana told Channel 12 news on Saturday evening that “responsibility doesn’t mean blame.” “The entire chain of command did its role. I’m ready to face any inquiry and respond to every question. I want to do so,” said Ohana, who is tasked with overseeing the police. Pointing out that Meron had not seen a larger influx of visitors relative to previous years, Ohana said that there was no reason to exert extra caution ahead of the mass event. “This disaster happened this year, but it could have happened any other year,” he maintained. Ohana added that he would work fully with all of the investigative agencies to “do everything so a disaster like this does not happen again in Israel.” Ohana’s comments come as many people question the Israel Police’s handling of the event, including why more officers were not deployed to

handle the 300,000 visitors to the kever of Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai. Reports also painted a picture of chaos during the tragedy itself, with police unable to exert control during the stampede due to their communications system collapsing. The Police Internal Investigations Department announced soon after the tragedy that it would open a probe into how the police handled the event, adding that there were “strong suspicions of criminal negligence.” In his first remarks after the stampede, Police Commissioner Kobi Shabtai expressed his “full sorrow” and vowed “full cooperation” with any future investigation. “I will not be silent until the circumstances that led to this disaster are made clear,” said Shabtai, who was appointed to the job only three months ago. “The Israel Police under my command will fully cooperate with any inquiry, with full transparency.” Shabtai also backed up Northern District Commander Shimon Lavi, saying that the veteran cop had his full support and cooperation.

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“Anyone who tries to put a wedge between myself and Lavi is misrepresenting the truth and does injustice to the [police] force,” Shabtai said.

El Al Bomb Scare Fighter jets from three different countries scrambled to escort an El Al plane suspected of having a bomb onboard last week. Flight LY02 to Tel Aviv had taken off from New York’s JFK Airport on Thursday and was on the final leg of its journey when an anonymous caller told U.S. authorities that he had smuggled explosives onto the aircraft. “I’m telling you, there’s a bomb on the plane,” he said. While Israeli officials didn’t take the threat seriously, Spain decided to scramble fighter jets to escort the plane. Escort duty was then handed off to Italian Eurofighter Typhoons, which remained with the flight until it reached Greece. The final two hours of the journey saw the plane escorted by four F-16s from the Hellenic Air Force until it

reached Cypriot airspace, after which Israeli F-15s accompanied the 787 until it touched down at Ben Gurion Airport. Then, “searches were conducted of the plane and security forces were updated on the issue. It emerged that it was a false warning,” an Israeli security official said. El Al is considered the world’s safest airline, and outfits all of its planes with an advanced missile defense system. Onboard most flights are undercover sky marshals, who must first pass a grueling counterterrorism course run by the Shin Bet.

Support for State Commission of Inquiry for Meron A slew of ex-Israel Police commissioners is publicly calling for an official state commission of inquiry to be appointed following last week’s tragedy at Meron in which 45 people died. In a public missive, the Retired Police Commissioners and Major Gener-

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The Week In News al’s Forum wrote that the unprecedented nature of the tragedy mandated that it be probed by an official commission of inquiry. Noting that multiple governmental bodies were involved in the happenings, including the Israel Police, IDF, Health and Public Security Ministries, the former cops contended that only an official commission could thoroughly uncover what went wrong. “The Mount Meron incident is not the sole responsibility of the Israel Police,” wrote the retired officers. “It involves other security agencies, government ministries, and various authorities, both in the administrative work and in the decision-making process, with the division of responsibilities between the bodies for planning, management, and execution performed completely blindly. “For the purpose of an in-depth and thorough investigation of all the bodies involved in this incident and others like it, and especially to prevent a similar disaster in the future, there is no alternative but the establishment of a state commission of inquiry,” continued the missive.

The letter was also sent to Israel Police Commissioner Koby Shabtai, Justice Minister Benny Gantz, Attorney General Avichai Mandelblit, and Supreme Court Chief Esther Hayut and comes amid rising support for such a move. On Monday, Defense Minister and Kahol Lavan leader Benny Gantz said he would push for an official probe and requested that Mandelblit draft a legal opinion regarding ramifications. A state commission of inquiry is Israel’s most powerful investigative body and is tasked with conducting semi-legal procedures. The committee is completely independent and can only be established by an official government decision. Members are authorized to subpoena documents and can compel witnesses to testify. Its recommendations are submitted in a report to the prime minister and are legally binding. State commissions of inquiry are commonly established after major national tragedies, including the intelligence failure that led to the 1973 Yom Kippur War, the Sabra and Sha-

tila Massacre in 1981, and the IDF’s subpar performance in the Second Lebanon War.

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The Week In News sion of parking in every space in the car park at Sainsbury’s in the center of Bromley, southeast London. “I do the weekly shop in our family, and I’ve been going to the same Sainsbury’s for the last 16 years,” Wild said. “It was only six years ago when I said to myself, ‘Wow I could probably park in every single one of these spaces given enough time,’ and time is on your side when you’re doing the weekly shop.” Wild admits, “It’s a long time to do anything, let alone something as trivial as this. I’ve been through three different cars in that time. I find enjoyment in the little banal things in life.” Wild was methodical in his approach to conquering the parking lot. He assigned “good-tier” bays. There were at least 29 bays he suggests to others to avoid. Some spots were just really hard to nab. “Without getting too technical,” Wild said, “when I say B7 and B8 you’ll know exactly what I mean. They were really difficult to get. I don’t know what it is because they’re

not even great spots but people seem to love them. “So, I went down one evening for snacks quite late, and I managed to snag B8...ooh, that was quite a moment in my life.” Seems like he knocked this one out of the park.

High-Flying Baby A flight to Hawaii last week landed with an extra passenger onboard – a brandnew baby, who was born mid-flight. The lucky mom gave birth to the little boy at just 29 weeks pregnant. She was lucky that a doctor happened to be onboard the Salt Lake City-Honolulu flight along with a trio of neonatal intensive care nurses. The medical personnel sprang into action when they heard the mother needed assistance. “I went to see what was going on and see her there holding a baby in her hands, and it’s little,” said nurse Lani Bamfield. The mother, Lavinia “Lavi” Mounga, had unexpectedly welcomed the baby

boy, whom she named Raymond, while on her way to a family vacation. The team helped to keep the baby stable for the next three hours on the flight. The doctor and the nurses used shoelaces to tie the umbilical cord and made baby warmers out of bottles that were microwaved. “The great thing about this was the teamwork,” Dr. Dale Glenn said. Everybody jumped in together and everyone helped out.”

College Boy Although most of us spent our time during Covid eating ice cream and watching videos, Mike Wimmer used his time wisely. The 12-year-old North Carolina boy took a few extra classes in his spare time during the COVID-19 pandemic and is now preparing to graduate high school and college in the same week. Wimmer will graduate Rowan-Cabarrus Community College with an associ-

ate’s degree on May 21 and will graduate Concord Academy High School just seven days later May 28. He has a 4.0 GPA at the college and a 5.45 GPA in high school, earning him the role of his class valedictorian. “I went through all of the grades in school at a faster pace,” Wimmer explained. “I’m like a spong., I take in knowledge very fast.” He completed the equivalent of two years of high school and two years of community college classes in a single year. As for what he is going to do next, Wimmer has his heart set on technology. “My entrepreneurial goal is to build technology that enables people to live better lives,” Wimmer told CNN. Despite his lofty goals, Wimmer is still a kid at heart and makes time for activities like basketball and Lego. “A lot of people think I’ve given up my childhood or somehow lost it,” Wimmer said, “and I say to them that I’m having the time of my life.” Wimmer, you sound like a real winner!

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Where is the Ring?! By Rabbi Zvi Teichman

At Mount Sinai the Torah describes how, Moshe brought forth the people from the camp toward G-d. Rashi says Hashem and the nation went out towards each other like a bridegroom greeting his bride.

Rav Samson ben Zadok, the devoted disciple of the famed 13th century rabbinic figure and Tosafist, Rav Meir of Rottenberg, (the Maharam), in his seminal work, Tashbatz, records in the name of his famed teacher that many of the traditions associated with the marriage ceremony are patterned on the ‘marriage’ that took place between G-d and His nation at Mount Sinai.

The etching of G-d’s words onto the Two Tablets is reminiscent of the Kesuba, the marriage contract. The ten men required to be in attendance at the blessings under the canopy correspond to the Ten Commandments. The candles remind us of the lightning and fire that was present during the revelation at Sinai. The very expression a groom says to his bride: ‫הרי את מקודשת לי‬ ‫(בטבעת זו) כדת משה וישראל‬, Behold you are consecrated unto me (with this ring) in accordance with the law of Moshe and [the People of] Israel, accentuates this parallel between the union of every Jewish couple and our nation’s ‘marriage’ to G-d at Mount Sinai. )‫תסה‬-‫(תשב"ץ אות תסד‬

Others suggest that the ‫חופה‬, the bridal canopy, is modeled after Mount Sinai itself that G-d ‘suspended over them like an inverted basin’ that served as the bridal canopy for His marriage to His beloved nation. ):‫(שיטה מקובצת בשם גליון תוס' כתובות ז‬

So at Mount Sinai we had a bride and groom, a marriage contract, a bridal canopy, and candles.

But where is the ring? This most vital component, the object that effect the betrothal is missing! • In a small town somewhere in Eastern Europe a young girl lived a happy existence. Her brother caught fish from the local pond for Shabbos. Her father, a merchant, traveled far and wide providing for his family, bringing home not only his earnings but small magical gifts from distance places for his children who so longed for his return. The house filled each Friday with the sweet aroma of Challah and the special scent called ‘Shabbos’. But then the world turned upside down. Jews would be isolated in ghettos, nevertheless opening their hearts and homes to make room for refugees seeking shelter, sharing generously whatever meager offerings they could scrape together. With her Aryan looks she would be ‘safely’ dispatched by her father beyond the confines of the ghetto to stealthily barter whatever contraband they still had that could be bartered so that they might survive another day. Feigning sleep on the train to avoid conversation with her fellow travelers lest her identity be discovered, her mind focused on the challah she would soon bake for Shabbos with her mother upon her safe return. She quietly removed a gold ring she had received as a gift from a beloved friend from her finger in anticipation of her kneading the dough and placed

it in her travel bag together with the day’s earnings. Rushing home and after breathing a deep sigh of relief she eagerly went to work preparing the dough. A bit later when her father asked for the profits of her day’s efforts she discovered her bag was nowhere to be found. She inquired high and low from the many ‘guests’ who they sheltered if they had seen her bag, suddenly remembering that her ring she had placed in it was now missing too, painfully blurting out, “where is my ring?” She began to suspect one of the strangers. Her father sensing her suspicion gently admonished her to never cast any doubt on a fellow Jew. She acquiesced, but couldn’t get over the loss of her cherished ring that was her last connection to the warm memories of her past. Soon the pain over the loss of a piece of jewelry paled in significance as she now feared for her very life. The deportations, selections and crematoria left her orphaned from her brothers, sisters and parents, facing grueling living and working conditions and wondering whether she could ever physically survive this incomprehensible hell. She longed for the day when she could begin to build her life anew. After liberation, she found herself on a boat together with other very fortunate survivors, heading to the Promised Land, Eretz Yisroel. One of her friends introduced her to an eligible young man who had gone through similar upheaval. They took to each other and right there on the boat they announced their engagement. Shortly thereafter upon reaching the shores of Israel she stood under the chuppa as her new husband presented her a ring

accompanied by the comforting words of ‘Harei at mekudeshes li b’tabaas zu k’das Moshe v’Yisroel. One can only imagine the heightened emotions of the moment. Aware of the tradition that the ancestors’ souls are present at a simcha, she sensed the strong bonds of love from her parents and siblings that had strengthened her through so many difficult days now rejoicing with her as she headed towards rebuilding their legacy. She glanced lovingly at the ring and suddenly gasped. It was the exact ring that she had lost many years back in those trying times. She excitedly turned to her groom curious to discover how he came upon it. He retold how during a food distribution one day in his concentration camp they served an excuse for soup laced with thin strands of meat barely floating in it. Although the circumstances of the time permitted the eating of ‘treif’, since their very lives were always precariously hanging by a thread, nevertheless he had made a personal commitment never to eat treif, non-kosher, even at near risk to life. He desperately sought out someone who might be willing to exchange their ration of stale bread for this measly offering. As there was no bread to be had he forfeited his portion, offering the soup to the first taker. One of the inmates came forward to accept it, but with a remnant of self-dignity that he managed to preserve amidst so much inhumanity, he insisted that he give in exchange a gold ring that was still in his possession. The groom conveyed how after accepting the ring he held tightly onto it throughout his entire internment letting it serve as

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BANISHING THE BABY’S INFECTION What are a worried Zeidy and Bubby to do when they hear that their sweet little great-grandchild is in the hospital? They take out their Tehillim and implore the ultimate Doctor to heal the child. They can also make sure that others take out the Tehillim, too, and daven for the poor patient b’tzibbur. And that is exactly what one set of devoted grandparents did this past Chol Hamoed Pesach. It was frightening. Their precious 3 week-old great-grandchild was taken into Columbia Hospital with difficulty breathing. The doctors discovered a strong case of MRSA deep in the lungs, so deep that they recommended travel to Cleveland for treatment. What a nightmare! Following the tense situation, the grandparents promptly gave in the child’s name to Tehillim Kollel so that the minyan of yungerleit would also plead for the baby. Their early morning tefillos would hopefully yield a quick recovery.

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A few jittery hours passed. More tests were taken. The new results caught the doctors by surprise. They indicated that the problem wasn’t nearly as complicated as they originally thought. The infection could be healed with medicine alone. On Friday, erev Shevi’i Shel Pesach, the child was back at home! Oh, the power of Tehillim! The power of Yiddishe tefillos!

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his personal symbol of hope in the despairing darkness of that terrible place, that he would one day yet merit to marry and establish a family. Not only did he realize his own dream but little did he know that he would be fulfilling the mitzva of returning a lost object to its rightful owner as well! • A ring is an object that completely surrounds the bride’s finger. It may be worth barely a perutah, the minimum amount necessary to effect a transaction, but it serves for the bride as an eternal reminder of the groom’s protective love and commitment to always be there for his beloved. )‫(ספר החינוך מצוה תקנב‬ G-d constantly ‘surrounds’ us with His presence. He is attentive, devoted, loving and guiding.

The Sefer Tanya discusses the concept of the Ohr Makif, a transcendent encompassing light that frames our reality. These are the supra-natural, supra-rational manifestations of divine light. We call these miracles, existential mysteries, and mind-blowing experiences; we cannot understand them or assimilate them, only accept them and submit to them. This is not to say that the encompassing light is something that is outside of our being. In the words of the Tanya, ‘it penetrates our reality from head to foot, to its innerness and the inside of its innerness’. Even as it suffuses our being, it remains aloof from us and beyond us, holding us in its embrace while eluding our attempts to grasp it and define it.

The Torah describes how G-d discovers His people ‘in a desert land, in desolation, a howling wilderness; ‫יסבבנהו‬, He encircled them, ‫יבוננהו‬, He granted them understanding, ‫יצרנהו כאישון עינו‬, He preserved them like the pupil oh His eye. Rashi quoting the Sifrei teaches us that this ‘encircling’ refers to His having surrounded them beneath Mount Sinai as an

inverted tub, our bridal canopy. Alternately, he says, it refers to the Clouds of Glory that protectively encompassed them. The ‘missing ring’ may not readily be visible, but it is always there.

The Ohr Makif is the proverbial ring that represents His devotion and commitment to, and protection of, His beloved bride, the Jewish nation, that effect for all of eternity his betrothal to them.

It is precisely that faithfulness that is the all-encompassing ring of marriage that G-d offers his bride.

• The young survivor never lost that most valuable of rings, the sense of the all-encompassing Ohr Makif, the marriage band we carry each moment of our lives, that instills within us the faith that the ultimate groom, the Almighty, will protect, provide, and rescue us from our plight. She felt it each time she arrived safely home from her missions. She sensed it when she accepted her father’s lesson in generosity towards others. She perceived it, oh so clearly, when her groom presented her with the ring he received in reward for his placing himself within G-d’s protective embrace, unwilling to compromise His will, even under the most trying of circumstances. She knew as she stared at her beloved ring, that brought her a rush of warm memories of times past, that He would be there for her, forever tending lovingly to His most cherished bride. • May we always be cognizant of our marriage to G-d, remaining faithful and dutiful, peering through the clouds of darkness that often obscure our vision to see and cherish the reality of His protective ‘ring’ that is always there in loving devotion and guidance.

You may reach the author at: Ravzt@ohelmoshebaltimore.com

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Profound Pain

sit here trying to put my thoughts and feelings into words, and all I can feel is the physical ache in my heart and the tears begin to flow once again. If tears could write we’d have volumes… It’s been a little over 72 hours, and the final body of the 45 karbanos (Avraham Daniel Ambon, z”l, from Argentina) was put to rest this morning on Har HaMenuchos. It’s over. I feel the void. I feel the pain of every mother, father, wife, child, sibling, relative and friend of each and every one, plus one, plus one, plus one that equals forty-five. I daven for a refuah for those who are desperately waiting to emerge from darkness. And I try to backtrack and review what feels like a nightmare. I am privileged to have spent numerous Lag B’Omers in Meron in the past. It’s electric. You

feel the excitement, the spirituality, the love, and the achdus in your bones. This year we stayed in Yerushalaym, and went to the local fire hosted by the Iriyah (municipality). The street was full of men, women, and children; Chassidish, Litvish, Sefardi and Ashkenazi. There was an enormous screen with a live hook-up to Meron and a band playing “Bar Yochai.” It was beautiful and moving as well. As I looked into the fire that night, I prayed for the spark of Yiddishkeit and the blaze of Torah to be ever-present in my home, and I begged Hashem that every man, woman, and child should return safely home that night. As I was dozing off, I started seeing messages, first from my nephew and then from my husband’s talmidim letting me know they were OK. I realized something happen. After checking the news, I said Tehillim and called my close friend who had two

kids in Meron that night. She said that her son, who is a chosson, went to learn in a tent and figured before he heads home, he would go do one last dance at Toldos Aharon. He walked in and got nervous from the crowd and left. That was about ten minutes before the tragedy. After saying Tehillim, I drifted to what you can maybe call sleep. About an hour later, my husband came into the room and told me what really happened in Meron. I cried. I davened. I begged Hashem that no mother should have to make two levayos. And then we waited. We waited and davened for all the cholim, for all the families, for all of Am Yisrael. I davened. I cried. I woke up my children one by one, bracing myself for how I would break the news to each of them on their level. At 7 a.m., when the supermarket opened, I ran to buy potatoes and stock up on kugels. Who

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THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

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The Jewish Home | OCTOBER 29, 2015

THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

MAY 6, 2021

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THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

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OCTOBER 29, 2015 | The Jewish Home

knows who’s going to need what this Shabbos? I got my cooking underway. Who knows which levayos we will have to attend today? And then the names started coming ever so slowly. Three names and pictures. A young avrech. A father of six, Shragee Gestetner, z”l, from the U.S. who came special to daven at Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai’s kever. I tried getting myself together. I told myself, Just don’t collapse, keep cooking, stay calm and daven. It’s 10:30 a.m., I can’t bear it anymore. I dial one friend whose son I knew went up to Meron. She tells me that, baruch Hashem, he is OK and how he missed it by a few minutes. I hesitate. Should I call my chassidishe friend, a mother of 15 whose grandson was having a chalakah in Meron? I dial as I say Tehillim. Baruch Hashem, they are all OK other than stranded. She tells me about a coworker of ours whose 21-year-old nephew is missing. I daven some more. I’m peeking my head out my door waiting to see my neighbors. I tell my kids to run and ask them if their father came home from Meron. As the day goes on, more names and more pictures come in. More mothers left bereft, more almanos, more yesomim. A father of 9, a chosson, a father of 10, a new father of a 2-week-old, bochurim, boys, heartbreak. And then if it couldn’t get worse, two sets of brothers, two bochurim who were yesomim. Each picture is a world. I looked at their beautiful faces. I saw their chein shining through. Those eyes, that smile, that depth – each one looked so holy and special. It slowly started sinking in. No, I did not know any one of them, yet I was reeling in pain. I felt paralyzed. Just keep going, this is only the beginning, the first twenty, thirty of the karbanos. We all felt despair. How can we grasp such pain? Yidden who go to daven by Reb Shimon, a place known for miracles? This just can’t be. No sense can be made of this. The world seems black. And then the stories of miracles started coming in. A neighbor of mine’s son was there; he just came home from the hospital, hodu L’Hashem. He doesn’t know how he survived. Another neighbor’s relative was in surgery on Friday, hoping to save his leg – a miracle he’s alive. Another neighbor lifted (the dead) bodies off his face so he can gasp for air – he survived. A 14-year-old boy from up the road, thrown up in the air, it saved his life. Another story of a petite bochur thrown in the air, survived. Hearing everyone describe what went on, they weren’t able to move their shoulders. Who threw these boys up? Was Rabbi Shimon performing miracles? Maybe. It is so painful. We, as believing Jews, know that everything Hashem does is for the good. In this world, there are no answers, and in the next world, there are no questions. Keep going. I am torn. Levayos around the corner. I want to be there. I want to share in the pain of each one of these families. I also want to light candles for Shabbos on time and pray. And the little niggling voice…there is more to come…there will be plenty of levayos on Motzei Shabbos, r”l.

Late erev Shabbos, and the news still comes in. Ben Shalom found, dead. Dovi Steinmetz found, dead. Yossi Cohen found, dead. Donny Morris found, dead. There was little hope of those who still haven’t found their loved ones. Searches were on for a young boy, his mother hoping he was just drained and fell asleep somewhere. But no, Eliezer Yitzchok Koltai, dead. The horror, the tragedy, the heartache. As I lit the Shabbos candles, I davened and cried and davened and cried. It’s Shabbos. We are not allowed to cry. Let’s be upbeat. And then our guests walked in for the seudah. White like ghosts sitting on the couch. Each one telling us their story. One bochur was holding onto the wall for dear life. Trying to jump and climb it and luckily, with

Those eyes, that smile, that depth – each one looked so holy and special.

the help of a police officer, got out. Another one describing someone right near him had died over his shoulder. He was sure he was next and said Shema. He was carried out on a stretcher and miraculously was fine a few minutes later. Stories of friends who miraculously made it out. And stories of friends who did not. We had a beautiful shalosh seudos on Shabbos with twelve bochurim who were doing what Yidden do, keeping Shabbos and singing and hoping and davening. I was scared to check the news on Motzei Shabbos. More levayos. I went to the levaya of a bochur, a chosson, Menachem Knoblowitz, z”l. A levaya without family, who will be there? I got there and had just missed it. There was a big crowd that was melave him. So many people came and were asking, did I miss the levaya of Menachem Knoblowitz? I was sure they were relatives or friends. I asked if they knew him, and they said no. No family, yet one huge family, Yidden of all types, and the crowd kept growing as the levayos continued. Next, the levaya of a 16-year-old boy (Eliyahu Cohen, z”l, from Beitar) and then the levaya of

Elazar Gepner, 52, son, husband, and father of a large family. The next levaya at 12:30 a.m., a newly married English man, Moshe Bergman, 24. Location: Rechov Zichron Yaakov, that very same street that Thursday night we were all standing by the fire and singing and dancing to the live hook-up in Meron. Once again, the street was blocked off, this time for a levaya. There were thousands of people standing there. So many men and lots of women. Some who were friends, some who were relatives, and so many strangers. It was so surreal. I felt the vibe of achdus once again that I felt on Lag B’Omer. As we were waiting, the crowd was saying Tehillim – what a powerful moment it was. And then the levaya. More heartbreak. More greatness. Another incredible Jew I never knew. It’s 3:00 a.m. and tomorrow is another day of mourning. Sunday, the levayos of the American bochurim, Dovi, Yossi, and Donny. I had my own family to tend to and a family simcha so I joined the other levayos via livestream. It was so painful and so moving. Hearing about each one’s greatness. I was alternating between two screens at once, the levaya of Yossi Cohen, z”l, and Donny Morris, z”l, happening at the same time. Trying to soak in the messages of what each one stood for. It’s so great, it’s beyond us. We can only try. As the day goes on, more and more stories are coming to the surface. More and more miracles of survivors. Stories of Hashem’s people, acting as angels trying to save others.

t was so moving watching the crowds sing, “Ani ma’amin…b’vias haMoshiach” at Meron moments before the catastrophe happened. And then hearing it sung by friends outside the Shamgar funeral home during the tahara of Yossi Cohen. And the third time on Har Hazeisim at the commencement of Donny Morris’s burial. It’s so painful. It’s overwhelming. Yet we are resilient, more resilient than we know. It’s OK to feel this pain. It hurts. But let’s fill ourselves with hope. Hope for the future of Am Yisroel, hope for Moshiach. Tragedy has an interesting way of bringing us together. As I look at the pictures of each korban, I see the chein, the beauty in each soul. I wish I can be there with those families that are mourning and hug them and be with them. Then I wonder, had I seen this boy before would I have noticed him? Had I seen this man would I have noticed him? Every Jew has that chein of their neshama shining through. Sometimes it’s hard to see because my own glasses are dirty and sometimes it’s hard to see because they are covered in dirt, but it’s there. I don’t know what Hashem wants from us and we each have to do our own introspection as to “L’mah? for what,” rather than “Lamah? Why.” But what I do know for certain is that if we make something of this tragedy and don’t let it slip us by, then we are closer the geulah, to techiyas hameisim, when families can be reunited, may it be soon in our days.

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OCTOBER 29, 2015 | The Jewish Home

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MAY 6, 2021

How to Help Yourself and Your Children Through the Tragedy in Meron By Dr. Norman N Blumenthal

We have all heard of the tragic circumstances that have unfolded in Meron, Israel. We all join together in grieving over the loss of life and with heartfelt prayers for those who have been injured. While in no way diminishing our worry and concern, it is essential that we and our children process the information in a fashion that promotes love and concern without undue trauma and destabilization. The following are some general guidelines offered with a full awareness that responses to tragedy are as varied and unique as we are as individuals.

General Considerations: • During airplane safety instructions, we hear that you should take oxygen for yourself before your children, so you’re better able to help them. So, too, in this tragedy. Parents and teachers should address their own worries and concerns before trying to help their children • Traumatic events especially close to home or community have to

varying degrees a “secondary” impact on all of us. • Many well-adjusted adults and children will feel tense and upset, especially with photos so readily available today through online media. This is very normal and speaks to our connection with others. • Oftentimes, the most effective antidote to derailing your fear is to discuss your thoughts and feelings

with others. Merely speaking about our emotions and fears makes them more manageable and contained. • Those who have loved ones in Israel or a history of past trauma are likely to feel or experience such troubling thoughts and associations more deeply, • Activities including prayer and charity can diminish one’s self of helplessness during periods of mishap and tragedy. • It is probably ill-advised right now to point accusatory fingers or look for culprits. • Both adults and children with pre-existing anxiety or comparable conditions are likely to experience more intense responses. So too may intellectually gifted children or those with much interest and curiosity about world events. • In contrast, no one should feel

critical of themselves or others if their reactions are more unemotional or subdued. Just as we differ in so many ways, some people are by nature more rational or stoic

Pre-School-Aged Children • At this age in particular, they should be insulated from the often graphic depictions available via the internet. • Children under the age of 6 will have an awareness of tragedy but a more limited understanding of its scope. • Children these ages often do not understand death, especially its permanence and finality. • Their awareness of worry and distress in the adults around them may evoke fear about their own safety and security. These children may also express their worry through mis-

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46 conduct, sleeplessness, and physical complaints. • Assure them that such events are not occurring in their immediate surroundings and will not directly affect them or their family. Describing such occurrences as “rare” is often of limited utility for children whose world is so small and circumscribed. • Be as careful about your tone of voice and body language as your words. Children these ages are often more responsive to non-verbal communication than ideas. • Firm and contained assurances of their personal safety and that of their immediate family should be enough.

School-Aged Children • School-aged children have a more realistic understanding of death, the idea of occurrences that are “rare,” and the geographical distance of the events under consideration. • They can also understand the enormity of suffering and feel for the

bereaved, injured and their families. This can be a teachable moment to nurture sympathy and care for others. • It is fairly typical for schoolaged children to be interested in small and even gruesome details of these events. This is not a sign of a callous disregard. • They are also more prone to look for culprits or foes and may need to understand that this was not an attack or action with evil intent. • Children in general, but in this age in particular, sometime respond to sad or shocking news with distraction and disregard. They may return to the adults even days later with more pointed expressions of concern and worry. • Elementary school-aged children who are by nature more active and impulsive may respond to such news with unrealistic expressions of bravado or jocularity. Without being critical for what is their nature, patiently convey to them the seriousness that is more appropriate for such a tragic event.

Adolescents • Adolescents certainly comprehend the enormity of this tragedy. • Developing a more mature capacity to relate and empathize, they might even be overly dramatic in their new and sophisticated capacity to internalize the pain and suffering of others. This is more likely to occur if they are actively communicating and commiserating with friends through social media. • It is not uncommon that children these ages need to be reminded how to balance their concern for others in a more temperate fashion. • Adolescents would be most likely to struggle with the appearance of injustice of such suffering. They might pose the unanswerable question of “why bad things happen to good people.” This may emerge all the more so since the victims were participating in a religious and spiritual celebration. • If such questions are genuinely motivated and worrisome, it is perfectly acceptable to commiserate, dis-

cuss, and allow them to develop a tolerance for questions and events that are beyond human comprehension. • Such heart-wrenching news is also an opportunity to remind our children that it is not always helpful to spend too much time viewing the graphic and relentless photos and information on the internet and social media. As previously indicated, it is impossible to predict everyone’s unique response to tragedy but we hope that these guidelines allow for more targeted and helpful coping. If further assistance is needed, please feel free to contact Ohel at 800-6036435 or Dr. Blumenthal at norman_ blumenthal@ohelfamily.org.

Dr. Norman N Blumenthal is the Zachter Family Director of Trauma and Crisis Intervention at Ohel Children’s Home and Family Services.

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THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

MAY 6, 2021

TJH

Mother’s Dictionary C

Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 a.m. too.

Defense: What you’d better have around “de yard” if you’re going to let the children play outside.

Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.

Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.

Sterilize: What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can’t quite reach anything.

C C

Full name: What you call your child when you’re mad at him. Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right. Independent: How you want your child to be as long as he does everything you say. Look out: What it’s too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.

Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.

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Centerfold

Temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children. Top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies. Verbal: Able to whine in words.

Whodunit: None of the kids who live in your house. Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into “get a shmatta.”

You Gotta be Kidding Me! David goes on safari in Kenya with his wife, Stephanie, and his mother-in-law, Beth. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, Stephanie awakes to find that her mother, Beth, has disappeared. Rushing to David, she insists on them both trying to find her mother. Sighing heavily, David picks up his rifle and starts to search for Beth. Soon, in a clearing not far from the camp, they come upon a frightening sight. Beth is backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large lion is standing facing her. Stephanie cries out in panic, “David, what are we going to do?” “Nothing,” explains David calmly. “Absolutely nothing, my dearest. The lion got himself into this mess. Let him get himself out of it.”

The Jewish Home | OCTOBER 29, 2015

Riddle me This?

HERE IS WHAT YOU KNOW: • The moms’ first names are: Janna, Betty, Vicky and Sara

MAY 6, 2021

• Their last names are: Cohen, Smith, Adler and Fried • The positions are: 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th • Cakes baked are: chocolate cake, cheesecake, fruit cake, and sponge cake CLUES: 1. Janna Fried beat Vicky by two places. 2. Betty’s fruit cake beat Mr. Smith’s wife, who came in 3rd. 3. The sponge cake, despite being a bit bland, got in the top three. 4. The judges obviously had a sweet tooth, as the chocolate cake came in 2nd place. 5. Cohen’s mother cried as she watched her daughter take 1st prize. What are the full names of the top four, what position did they come in, and what cake did they bake? Answer below

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In honor of Mother’s Day, there is a cake-baking competition. The four moms who finish in places 1 through 4 win a prize. You have to determine the name of the four winners, what position they finished in, and what cake they baked.

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Answer to Riddle: Betty Cohen came in 1st with her fruit cake; Janna Fried came in 2nd with his chocolate cake; Sara Smith came in 3rd with her sponge cake; Vicky Adler came in 4th with her cheesecake.

OCTOBER 29, 2015 | The Jewish Home

Notable Quotes MAY 6, 2021

“Say What?!”

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Hear me clearly: America is not a racist country. It’s backwards to fight discrimination with different discrimination. And it’s wrong to try to use our painful past to dishonestly shut down debates in the present. -Sen. Tim Scott (R-SC) delivering a rebuttal to President Biden’s first joint address to Congress

Intolerance so often comes from the left with words like “Uncle Tim” … being used against me. And last night what was trending in social media was “Uncle Tim,” and they doubled down on this concept of liberal oppression. It is stunning in 2021 that those who speak about ending discrimination want to end it by more discrimination. Maybe you go home and kiss your grandmother and wind up killing your grandmother. - Gov. Cuomo – who is responsible for the deaths of thousands in nursing homes – criticizing those who don’t get the vaccine

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I actually feel quite young. On a good day, I feel like I’m 40; on a bad day, 50.

- Sen. Scott responding to some of the vile hatred spewed against him on Twitter and social media

The left has doubled down that they are going to – not attack my policies – but they’re literally attacking the color of my skin .- Ibid

- 97-year-old British-Israeli Walter Bingham who earned the Guinness Record for world’s oldest journalist, in an interview with the Jewish Telegraphic Agency

A lot of people think I’ve given up my childhood or somehow lost it, and I say to them that I’m having the time of my life. - Mike Wimmer, 12, of North Carolina, who is graduating from high school and college this week, after taking online courses over the past year

Today marks the end of President Joe Biden’s first 100 days in office…and to celebrate the occasion, last night Joe Biden delivered his first address to Congress. Yes, for hundreds of years, Joe Biden has sat and watched other presidents give speeches to Congress, but now it was his turn. — Trevor Noah

We do feel that our biggest contribution to reducing our carbon footprint is, of course, not having children. - One of the climate activists that YahooLife spoke to for an article titled, “As climate anxiety builds, these women are choosing to not have children”

It’s uncomfortable. It’s a long journey. You might not come back alive. We won’t make anyone go. Volunteers only. - Elon Musk in a recent interview about his plan to send people to Mars within 20 years

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The Jewish Home | OCTOBER 29, 2015

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58 A third of people under 35 say they’re in favor of abolishing the police. Not defunding – but doing away with a police force altogether.… Thirty-six percent of millennials think it might be a good idea to try communism. But much of the world did try it. I know, millennials think that doesn’t count because they weren’t alive when it happened. Abolish the police? And the Border Patrol? And capitalism? And cancel Lincoln? No, I get it. The problem isn’t that I don’t get what you’re saying or that I’m old, the problem is your ideas are stupid. If you say, “Let’s eat in the bathroom and [relieve ourselves] in the kitchen,” yeah, that’s a new idea, but I wouldn’t call it interior design. – Bill Maher, HBO

As you know, it’s very early. But I think people are going to be very, very happy when I make a certain announcement. – Donald Trump, in an interview with Candace Owens, when asked if he plans on running in 2024

The Capitol took center stage tonight [for Pres. Biden’s address], and I got to be honest. It was nice to see someone behind the podium who wasn’t wearing deer antlers and a pelt.

Unfortunately, that is now the go-to attack for Democrats. They accuse anyone who disagrees with them on any issue of being a racist. And they use language that is just incendiary. It’s inflammatory, and they’re deliberately playing on racial divisions in our country. They do it on issue after issue after issue.… You know, people talk about playing the race card – it is the only card they have in their deck, and so that’s their standard attack. And D.C. statehood, their push here, is part of a broader effort. We have Democratic control of the White House and both houses of Congress, and their number one priority — it’s not COVID, it’s not vaccinations, it’s not reopening jobs, it’s not getting kids back in school, it’s not doing anything substantive — their number one priority is they want to stay in power forever. - Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX)

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— Jimmy Fallon

We welcome you back to planet Earth, and thanks for flying SpaceX. For those of you enrolled in our frequent flyer program, you’ve earned 68 million miles on this voyage. - SpaceX’s Mission Control as four SpaceX astronauts splash-landed in the Gulf of Mexico on Sunday

We will take those miles. Are they transferrable?

The CDC is a thoroughly politicized agency. Most Americans disregard their advice on things like steaks and hamburgers and beers. Increasingly, they should disregard their advice when it comes to school reopenings. – Sen. Tom Cotton (R-Ark)

[Masks are no longer required outdoors.] On the bright side, now we can stop weirdly opening our eyes to greet people on the street. — Jimmy Fallon

- SpaceX commander Mike Hopkins in response

This is a salary to terrorists paid for with our tax money. - Dick Morris, Newsmax, talking about President Biden restoring $235 million in funding for Palestinians

MORE QUOTES

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He should resign. I’ve been saying this for months. He can’t continue to lead. Nursing home scandal…assault scandal, using his staff to write his book, I mean, it’s just – it doesn’t end. He just has to go. - New York Mayor Bill de Blasio talking about Gov. Andrew Cuomo on MSNBC

Ask the people of New York what they think about the mayor of New York City, and I’ll second their opinion. - Gov. Cuomo in response, during a press conference

- Portland Mayor Ted Wheeler, who for months supported ANTIFA rioters in Portland, changing his tune and asking for the riots to stop

MAY 6, 2021

The city is beginning to recover, but selfdescribed anarchists who engage in regular criminal destruction don’t want things to open up, to recover. They want to prevent us from doing the work of making a better Portland for everyone. They want to burn, they want to bash.

The first 100 days of the Biden administration have been great for the cartels, the gangs, human traffickers who had been exploiting the border. – Texas Governor Greg Abott (R)

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Dating Dialogue

What Would You Do If… Moderated by Jennifer Mann, LCSW of The Navidaters

Dear Navidaters,

We would like to hear your perspective on how to deal with our daughter. She has been in shidduchim for seven years, and nobody she dates is ever good enough for her. We obviously want what is best for her, as her parents, but we walk a fine line between frustration and sensitivity. We think

she is too picky with her standards of looks, personality, hashkafa and profession. We pretty much leave her alone since she is very headstrong and independent; our “words of wisdom” would probably not even penetrate. Over the years, we have tried talking sense into her about

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the way she dates, for instance: not going out with a guy unless she REALLY likes his picture, saying no after one date if a guy’s nose is too big. Every time I send an idea for a shidduch, she nixes it right away by saying she either knows of him already or a friend dated him and is “not for me.” How can we effectively handle this situation? All the best, Frustrated Mom

Disclaimer: This column is not intended to diagnose or otherwise conclude resolutions to any questions. Our intention is not to offer any definitive conclusions to any particular question, rather offer areas of exploration for the author and reader. Due to the nature of the column receiving only a short snapshot of an issue, without the benefit of an actual discussion, the panel’s role is to offer a range of possibilities. We hope to open up meaningful dialogue and individual exploration.

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The Panel

The Rebbetzin

frequently required. Good help and tefillah will be most helpful.

Rebbetzin Faigie Horowitz, M.S.

hear your frustration loud and clear, Mom. And I feel your pain. It’s hard to see your daughter’s rigidity and dismissiveness of prospects. You want to see her more open in her dating choices. Your role as parents is no longer as advisors and are not connected with sharing wisdom at this point in your relationship. Communication about dating (and probably other areas) is not good and will probably not improve any time soon. You are very far apart from being heard by each other, unfortunately. There is no point in playing the blame game in this breakdown of your relationship. Your relationship with your daughter is seriously challenged right now. And improving that is probably even more important than her approach to dating. I would suggest that you focus your efforts in two areas. One is davening for her to find her zivug. The other is connected to your relationship with your daughter and finding spiritual and emotional support for yourselves during her prolonged singlehood. Once you and your husband move forward on that path with the help of experienced rabbinic and mental health professionals, you will also improve your communication with her. A critical first step in relationships is deep acceptance that you cannot change the other person; you can only change yourselves. This is a process that will only be triggered by acceptance of your daughter’s independence and adulthood. It’s easy for panelists to comment and respond to the queries in this column; it is so much harder to put into practice the changes in mindset and communication that are

The Shadchan Michelle Mond

ear Mom, Firstly, your sensitivity shines through in your question. You and your husband are doing a great job. The idea I have for the difficult position you are in is going to seem oddly unrelated; however, I think it will help. Build up your own marriage inwardly and outwardly so your daughter starts to crave the same happiness, respect, and love a marriage based on realness provides. Try not to pay any close attention to her singlehood for a while. Let her feel the lack of parental obsession and concern her about her dating life. If you are able to, travel to new places with your husband (if you are vaccinated), go on date nights, send pics to the family chat of the two of you spending time together. Focus your energy on your close relationships, your life, and your connection to Hashem. Build your own relationship into the kind of connection that will make her crave taking dating seriously. Though not through advice or anything direct, this might just be the psychological piece needed to boost her excitement for the next stage in life. Additionally, it will make you and your hubby happier, too!

The Single Rivka Weinberg

rustrated Mom, your daughter is incredibly lucky to have parents

who really want the best for her. I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you and your husband to walk the fine line between the frustration and sensitivity that you mention. I give you credit for stepping back and not continuously offering unsolicited advice, although I am sure that is not easy for you. I suggest you continue to do so to prevent the possibility of pushing your daughter away. As a young adult myself, there are countless times when my parents suggested specific activities or gave pieces of advice, and because I believe to know better than them, I disregarded their opinions. It sounds like your daughter is not receptive to what you and your husband are proposing, so I believe it is time to reach out to outside resources. If there is a specific rav, teacher, or mentor that your daughter has a kesher with express your concerns to that individual. Many times, different people can offer the same advice, however, until it is heard from the right person, it will not penetrate correctly into the mind. It is clear in this situation that there is an information deficit between what you and your husband believe from your life experiences and what your daughter seems to think she knows from her own. Ultimately, as difficult and frustrating as it is, your daughter will have to come to the conclusion to change by herself. As I am sure you know from raising your daughter, headstrong and independent people often need to exhaust all of their resources self-sufficiently, and only once they feel their system is not working will they come for help. In the meantime, as her parents, you can continue to network on her behalf and spread her name to various friends and shadchanim. However, please do yourselves and your daughter a favor and do not allow this to ruin your relationship. Unfortunately, there are

A critical first step in relationships is deep acceptance that you cannot change the other person.

girls and boys who get irritated with their parents’ involvement in their shidduchim, which leads to resentment. Your number one role right now is to be her loving support system. This process is most definitely not easy for her, and the last thing she needs is further aggravation from her family. Keep in mind that Hashem will send her zivug at the exact right time and not a second before she is ready. Continue davening to Hashem that your daughter should have the clarity that she needs to work on herself and to make the right decisions in her shidduchim.

The Zaidy Dr. Jeffrey Galler

everal years ago, “Failure to Launch” was a popular Hollywood movie that depicted a 35-yearold man who lived with his parents and was incapable or unwilling to get married, move out, and get on with his life. The movie was a comedy. However, your situation is anything but a comedy. You are in an extremely difficult, frustrating predicament.

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On the one hand, you want your daughter to be more realistic about finding her life partner. On the other hand, criticizing her and vigorously sharing your “words of wisdom” can irrevocably harm your relationship. And, consider this: if she does listen to you and “settles” for someone, then, after she marries, she might blame you every time she has an unhappy moment or disagreement in her marriage. Your daughter is undoubtedly aware that all of her friends are getting married and that she is rapidly being left behind. She doesn’t need you to remind her of that fact. Perhaps, of her own volition,

she will see the light and be more open-minded. Some of my Navidater colleagues will undoubtedly suggest that your daughter go for counseling to help her with the possible underlying issues that are causing her to reject every potential suitor. I would suggest that you, yourself, as a very frustrated mother, go to an understanding therapist. You need to be able to vent your frustrations and learn how to live with your daughter, without making her feel your disappointment or disapproval. You are going through an exceedingly difficult time and need support.

An old but apt expression is: “Youth is wasted on the young.” Your daughter will probably roll her eyes and decline your help when you gently ask her if there’s anything that you can do to help her go through this difficult process, such as hiring a dating coach or therapist. One of life’s most difficult situations is when a parent has to accept that a child has the right to make their own decisions. (How about this suggestion: The next time your daughter goes on a date, pack all her belongings, leave her suitcases in the hallway, and quickly move to another zip code. Just kidding. I don’t mean to make light of your pain

Pulling It All Together

the thing to do and aren’t alThe Navidaters lowed to question this, and so Dating and Relationship Coaches and Therapists they go with the flow, rejecting prospect after prospec t consciously or subconsciously. honey?” ear Frustrated Mom, This can be a lot for if she likes to process Thank you for writing into our a parent to cope with, and so if afterward. And simply column. One of the greatest chalyou feel like you need direction, mirror her. When she tells lenges a parent can face is when our guidance or support to help you you, “His nose is too big. I’m not children make decisions that we in through this emotionally challenginterested,” you can say, “OK. He’s our hearts just know isn’t right. You ing time, you can always speak with not for you. The right one will come see your daughter seemingly turnsomeone. in the right time.” If your daughter ing down great guys and her chance It’s true. Some people seem to doesn’t approach you, don’t even at a happy, fulfilling marriage and cruise through this dating parsha ask. life. And that is heart wrenching for without a worry or with minimal I don’t know your daughter, but parents to watch, helplessly. worry, and some parents have their it is worth mentioning the possibilAs awful as this sounds, I think kishkas torn inside out. And in the ity that she simply hasn’t met the all you can do is completely back off name of validation I want to say, “It’s one. It’s also worth mentioning that and drop it. If she approaches you not fair!” I don’t know why this hapsometimes singles are content being about a date, listen if you can. Be pens. All I’ve come up with is that single and aren’t ready for dating or there for her and support her. You we are all meant for different things, marriage. Oftentimes, they feel it is can even ask, “How was the date,

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Build your own relationship into the kind of connection that will make her crave taking dating seriously.

but looking at the situation with a bit of humor might assuage the hurt.)

and we will never understand why we must suffer. And worthy of mention: suffering comes in all different shapes and sizes. It is your time to focus elsewhere. Focus on yourself, your husband, other family members and friends. Take on a new hobby; invest in yourself. Steer your relationship with your daughter away from all talk of dating and marriage. She can’t hear you, and it’s truly her choice. I’m not a betting gal, but if I had to bet, I’d say your best chances of her coming to this on her own (if she even wants to) is sensing that you no longer have her dating on your radar. I can sense what a deeply loving mother you are. A mother never stops worrying. But no one ever said she can’t have a little fun! Invest in yourself.

All the best, Jennifer

Jennifer Mann, LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist and dating and relationship coach working with individuals, couples, and families in private practice at 123 Maple Avenue in Cedarhurst, NY. She also teaches a psychology course at Touro College. To set up a consultation or to ask questions, please call 718-908-0512. Visit www.thenavidaters.com for more information. If you would like to submit a dating or relationship question to the panel anonymously, please email JenniferMannLCSW@gmail.com. You can follow The Navidaters on FB and Instagram for dating and relationship advice.

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Night Terrors and the Stages of Sleep By Rabbi Azriel Hauptman

A night terror, also known as a sleep terror, describes someone who partially awakens during his or her sleep in an intense state of fear. This mid-sleep activation of the fight-orflight system can result in screaming, thrashing of the arms and legs, and a look of terror in the eyes. Since the person is partially sleeping, they usually have no recollection of it in the morning. In this article, we will offer a brief overview of the physiology of night terrors, how they are different from nightmares, and how one should deal with it. Night terrors and nightmares occur during one’s sleep. Therefore, before

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we try to understand these sleep-related phenomena, we must first learn a little bit about sleep itself. Sleep is not a uniform state. During a night’s sleep, we go through sleep cycles, with each cycle lasting approximately ninety minutes. Each cycle contains several stages of sleep. These stages can be broken down into non-REM sleep and REM sleep. REM stands for rapid-eye movement and consequently REM sleep refers to the part of our sleep cycle when our eyes make rapid movements. Non-REM sleep has three stages and precedes REM sleep in the sleep cycle. Here is a brief breakdown of the

sleep stages. Stage 1: This is the very beginning of sleep when one is in a light sleep, can be easily awoken, and breathing occurs at a regular rate. Stage 2: The body temperature begins to drop, the heart rate slows, and the body prepares for deep sleep. Stage 3: This stage is known as deep sleep. In this stage, the entire body is relaxed, rate of breathing is reduced, blood pressure and body temperature are lower, and it can be very difficult to wake someone up. After stage 3, you go back into stage 2 before going into the final stage, which is REM sleep. REM sleep: During REM sleep, the brain waves behave as if the individual is awake and the eyes experience rapid lateral movements. During this stage, one experiences dreams. It is fascinating to note, that during this stage the body experiences an almost complete paralysis of the voluntary muscles. For this reason, even if someone is experiencing a very vivid dream, they will not physically act it out. Now let us return to night terrors and nightmares. The fundamental difference between them is that night terrors occur during stage 3 of the non-REM sleep and nightmares occur during REM sleep. Therefore, during a night terror the individual will act out his dream since there is no muscle paralysis during this stage. Additionally, it is almost futile to try to wake them up as they are in a very deep sleep. On the other hand, because it occurs during deep sleep there will typically be no memory of it whatsoever in the morning. Nightmares, on the other hand, occur during REM sleep. For this reason, the individual will not act out the dream since the voluntary muscles are paralyzed during this sleep stage, but the individual might vividly remember the

frightening dream in the morning. Night terrors in adults are beyond the scope of this article (as they often co-occur with a psychiatric diagnosis), but here are a few pointers about night terrors in children. The most common age of onset is between three and five years old and will usually stop by adolescence. The frequency of night terrors varies greatly. The best way to handle a night terror is to wait it out and monitor your child to make sure that your child does not hurt himself. It will usually subside on its own after a few minutes, although it can last longer. Since night terrors occur when the child is in a deep sleep but also in a certain sense awake, therefore he or she will be more prone to sleepwalking. We do not know what causes night terrors, but overtired children tend to be more prone to it. Proper sleep hygiene can greatly diminish night terrors. If your child has a set time at night for the night terrors, briefly waking him or her 15-30 minutes beforehand tends to interrupt the pattern. Doctors will only prescribe medication for night terrors in extreme cases. Perhaps it is called a night terror since it is terrifying for the parents! Nevertheless, most of the time it is just a passing phase in the child’s development. However, prudence would dictate consulting with your pediatrician who will help you determine if the night terrors are cause for concern or not. This is a service of Relief Resources. Relief is an organization that provides mental health referrals, education, and support to the frum community. Rabbi Yisrael Slansky is director of the Baltimore branch of Relief. He can be contacted at 410-448-8356 or at yslansky@reliefhelp.org

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OCTOBER 29, 2015 | The Jewish Home

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In The K

tchen

Dulce De Leche Apple Cobbler with Butterscotch Crunch By Naomi Nachman

With Shavuot around the corner, I am starting to gather all my dairy recipes to help with my

menu planning. This recipe is a traditional apple cobbler with a burst of flavor from the dulce de leche, which is a caramel confection from South America prepared by slowly heating

sugar and milk over a period of several hours. It’s a winning combination of flavors. Don’t forget to serve it with vanilla ice cream.

Ingredients APPLE MIXTURE

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b 8 Granny Smith apples, peeled and cubed b ½ cup sugar b 2 teaspoon cinnamon b 1/8 cup ﬂour b Juice of 1 fresh lemon b ½ cup dulce de leche

COBBLER TOPPING b 1 cup sugar b 1 cup ﬂour

Preparation 1.

2. Drizzle the dulce de leche over the apples. 3.

Mix all the cobbler topping ingredients in a bowl with a fork until crumbs form. Place on top of apple mixture.

Bake at 350°F for 40 minutes.

b ½ cup canola oil b 4oz butterscotch crunch (available at your local kosher supermarket)

Mix all the apple mixture ingredients except the dulce de leche and place in an oven-to-table dish.

Naomi Nachman, the owner of The Aussie Gourmet, caters weekly and Shabbat/ Yom Tov meals for families and individuals within The Five Towns and neighboring communities, with a specialty in Pesach catering. Naomi is a contributing editor to this paper and also produces and hosts her own weekly radio show on the Nachum Segal Network stream called “A Table for Two with Naomi Nachman.” Naomi gives cooking presentations for organizations and private groups throughout the New York/New Jersey Metropolitan area. In addition, Naomi has been a guest host on the QVC TV network and has been featured in cookbooks, magazines as well as other media covering topics related to cuisine preparation and personal chefs. To obtain additional recipes, join The Aussie Gourmet on Facebook or visit Naomi’s blog. Naomi can be reached through her website, www.theaussiegourmet.com or at (516) 295-9669.

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Your

Money

The Art of the Matter THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME

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By Allan Rolnick, CPA

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punk philosopher once said, “When it comes to art, money is an unimportant detail. It just happens to be a huge unimportant detail.” While we like to think of art as priceless, the sad reality is that, with few exceptions, art is just another commodity to be bought and sold. This week’s clash between art and commerce takes us to South Korea, where Lee Kun-hee, son of Samsung Electronics founder Lee Byung-chul, spent 29 years at the helm of the family business. Lee didn’t just turn Samsung into the world’s largest manufacturer of smartphones, televisions, and memory chips. He turned himself into the richest man in Korea. He even picked up a criminal conviction for tax evasion (later pardoned by President Lee Myung-bak). But that’s not what brings us here today. Lee died last October with a $21 billion fortune including an art collection, started by his father, worth about $2.5 billion. Now it’s time for his heirs to tell the government how they’re going to cover $10 billion in estate tax. (They’ll have five more years to pay.) The collection includes an astounding 13,000 pieces. Some are international masterpieces from artists like Picasso, Monet, and pop

prince Andy Warhol. But most are ancient Korean treasures. So how will Lee’s heirs raise the cash to cover the bill? Samsung could boost its dividend to help finance the bill. However, a group of former culture ministers has proposed letting the heirs pay with the art itself. That would avoid a fire sale that depresses pric-

Advisory Panel with 25 experts who meet twice a year to review appraisals submitted with income, gift, and estate tax returns. “Panel discussions are lively and serious,” according to an IRS report, and “despite the different perspectives of dealers, museum curators, and scholars, substantial disagreements are rare.” The Panel reviews about

Valuing works by creators like Picasso and Monet is as much an art as a science itself.

es, would keep the art in the country, and would make it available to museums that can’t afford to buy it on their own. Give it some thought, and you’ll probably agree it’s a genius idea. The same principle might also apply to those who own trophy real estate suitable for parks, recreation, or other civic uses. Valuing works by creators like Picasso and Monet is as much an art as a science itself. Here in the States, the IRS maintains an Art

500 works per year, generally valued at $50,000 or up. In the end, though, even the Panel sometimes gets it wrong. In 2012, the heirs of art dealer Ileana Sonnabend inherited a 1959 collage by Robert Rauschenberg titled “Canyon” that included a stuffed bald eagle. They valued it at zero because a 1962 amendment to a 1940 law made it an object that is literally “ill-eagle” to sell. But that didn’t stop the Panel from assessing it at

$65 million (based on a potential black-market sale) and triggering $40.9 million in taxes and penalties. The heirs settled by donating the work to the MOMA. Changing art markets and rising art prices promise to make these sort of clashes more common. We may see more with million-dollar auction prices for “non-fungible tokens”: digital artworks, recordings, and even tweets stored on blockchain, certified as unique and not interchangeable. (We’ll forgive you for wondering why NFTs are worth more than the $39 you can pay to name a star.) Your own art collection may not extend past the velvet print of dogs playing poker that’s hiding in your basement playroom. But that doesn’t mean you can’t canvass the tax code for the same strategies that major collectors use to whitewash unwanted levies. Just call us for a plan, and we’ll make beautiful art with your finances.

Allan J Rolnick is a CPA who has been in practice for over 30 years in Queens, NY. He welcomes your comments and can be reached at 718-896-8715 or at allanjrcpa@aol.com.

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