BBM Magazine 19 March by bbmlive.com

Celebrating 30 Years of Stand Up Comedy

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Full Festival Line up On Sale Now! FEATURING: DANNY BHOY, STEPHEN K AMOS, GINA YASHERE, NINA CONTI, MARK WATSON, ARDAL O’HANLON, TOMMY TIERNAN, ROY CHUBBY BROWN & MANY MANY MORE 11 APRIL - 8 MAY 2011 | SYDNEYCOMEDYFEST.COM.AU | 9020 6966

CONTENTS ISSUE 600!

The Cover

Review

WE’RE OLD! A big thanks to everybody involved with BBM over the years for getting us to eleven years and 600 issues. That’s right, you’re all to blame!

JACKASS 3 - 16 Surely a bunch of geezers playing jokes on each other and slapping their mates with dildos wouldn’t appeal to BBM’s readership...

Regulars

Interview

Sport

SUM 41 - 12 We had In Too Deep stuck in our heads all week after chatting to Jason from Sum 41 about Soundwave, Deryck, the new album and yes... Avril too.

GOLDEN OLDIES - 86 These players were getting their false teeth long before BBM was a spark in our mother’s eye. We take a look at the oldest footballers in history.

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GOSSIP INTERVIEWS WRAP REVIEWS SOAPS UK NEWS IRISH NEWS WORLD NEWS SYDNEY MELBOURNE PERTH QUEENSLAND RECRUITMENT CLASSIFIEDS HOSTEL LISTINGS CRYSTAL BALLS ASK CRYSTAL JOKES SCOREBOARD SPORT

BBM MANAGING DIRECTOR John McMahon

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EDITOR Ben Harlum

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SPORTS EDITOR Richard Gadsby

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GUEST SPORTS EDITOR Adam Santarossa ONLINE EDITOR Hannah Shakir

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CONTRIBUTORS Jeremy Williams, David Mahoney, Deborah Jackson, Maddie Daniels, Alex Berwick, Hannah Beesley, Vanessa Higgins, Lorna Evio, Alexandra McIntyre, Ashley Moore, David Drummond, Sian Gammie, Alen Delic and James Stapleton. INTERNS Jaymes Peckham, Holger Synowzik and Allyson Taubenheim HEAD DESIGNER Kylie Howard

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GOSSIP

(SINCE it’s the 600th issue, our old man has forced us to allow BBM’s sister to write an article. So, please don’t think BBM has switched teams - we’re handing over the keyboard to our sis.)

CAN YOU SMELL WHAT THE SNOOK IS COOKING? IF you managed to survive the frightening photo on the right, you’re a stronger person than the fools BBM has to work with.

OKAY. Ladies, there is a God.

Of course, BBM was too excited to notice the photo because our favourite infected sponge of fake tan, Snooki from Jersey Shore, will be wrestling on WWE’s Wrestlemania pay-per-view next month. We can’t wait to see to see her f nishing move - the crotch bomb.

The horny love machine, Usher, is soon to be able to be viewed in some fullthrottle action.

This wouldn’t be the f rst time a celebrity has crossed over into wrestling, so lets take a trip down memory lane - shall we?

JAY LENO

Before he wrestled The Tonight Show back from Conan O’Brien, Leno took part in a WCW pay-per-view which took place in the middle of a motorcycle rally - it helps since the big-nosed wonder is bike crazy. Leno teamed with Diamond Dallas Page to take on Hulk Hogan and WCW president Eric Bischoff. And yes, it was awful.

Although we’re used to seeing the singer air-hump whilst on stage, apparently a sex tape has fallen out of his hands and into the general public. So we’re quite sure it’ll be online quite soon, so keep your eyes peeled, if you fancy watching Usher make love to someone else instead of himself.

WILLIAM SHATNER

BBM doesn’t know about you, but the f rst thing we think of when WWE comes to mind is Star Trek. So who better to guest host WWE’s Monday Night Raw than Captain Kirk herself? (The correct answer? An actual wrestler). However, The Shat did sit down to re-record some WWE theme songs in his own style, which was the most exciting thing the WWE has seen in about ten years.

DAVID ARQUETTE

It’s one thing to bring a celebrity in for publicity, it’s another to award him your world title. You don’t see wrestlers winning Oscars (or actors playing wrestlers), so why did the dude from Scream win the WCW world title? Most likely because that place was run by monkeys. However, Arquette protested the idea and donated all money earnt to the families of Owen Hart and Brian Pillman, wrestlers who had recently passed away.

MIKE TYSON

After feasting on Evander Holyf eld’s ear, Mike Tyson gave the WWF a ton of publicity as the special enforcer for the Wrestlemania main event in 1998. It didn’t help that in his f rst appearance, he told the world how much he loved “Cold Stone,” instead of Stone Cold Steve Austin. Whoops. Tyson’s appearance is credited to turning the WWF around, as the company was near-collapse in 1997 and ‘98.

CHARLIE Sheen is going on tour following his exit from Two and a Half Men. No, we’re not bullshitting you. Apparently the deranged actor will even be heading over to Australia and Europe, and the show will offer scripted material, plus videos, interactive audience material and a whole range of things that play off Charlie’s strengths (so whores and drugs for everyone then?) Tickets go up to $4999, so perhaps you can save your money for a ticket and just go down your local pub and watch the town drunk - should be just as entertaining.

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GOSSIP DUDE, WHERE’S MY HABIT?

THAT guy who played Stiff er in American Pie and the fucking annoying douchebag in Dude, Where’s My Car has it rock bottom. Well, it wasn’t much of a fall was it? Seann William Scott is off to rehab.

“Seann William Scott has voluntarily admitted himself for proactive treatment to address health and personal issues,” a spokesman for the “actor” said.

“He appreciates the support of his many fans at this time.” Our 14-year-old self is crushed. But there is hope for the boy, he is in talks about playing Stiff er again in a fourth American Pie f lm. Who knew there was a third? “I had so much fun and loved the character, (but) I don’t want to be known as that character forever,” said Stiff er.

WAXING LYRICAL OVER OUR FRIEND BIEBS MADAME Tussauds f nally got one right. Finally a Bieber that can’t screech and whine, and pray before bedtime. Bieber’s wax model was unveiled at Madame Tussauds in London this week. He’s also got one in New York and Amsterdam.

does. We agreed. Bieber’s quite the comedian on his Twitter account, posting a photo and tweeting “TWINS! lol” You can re-read that one liner in our jokes section at the back.

It will now be compulsory for other celebrities to match or beat this sum. While Joe Jonas and Katy Perry both urged fans to “pray” for the victims, it doesn’t really compare to the Bullock family’s donation.

Given that his sister LaToya made more than her fair share whilst he was alive, it appears that brother Jermaine (home of the greasiest hair in showbiz) is determined to amass a personal fortune from his brother’s fame. The one-time Celebrity Big Brother contestant has decided to share his insight into his mysterious, scandalous sibling in his biography “You Are Not Alone: Through a Brother’s Eyes”. Given that he is only stealing his brother’s success, it seems apt that his book also robs the title of one of Jackson’s biggest hits. Well done, Jermaine.

LADIES, have you ever wondered what your boyfriend thinks about, other than sex?

BULLOCK’S GOT BOLLOCKS

She’s donated a hefty $1 million to the Japan relief efforts.

Yet, as if often the way, his legend has lived on and earnt a small fortune for those he left behind. Whether through increased record sales, posthumous albums or simply by selling stories that otherwise they would have kept schtum about.

Fucking genius.

The stupid little wanker took his Mum to see it. She said it had more personality than he

SANDRA Bullock has upstaged fellow celebs Katy Perry and Fergie while also getting herself a nice tax break for next f nancial year.

BEFORE his death, the wacky member of the Jackson family (okay, so they’re all batshit crazy. We mean Michael) was billions of dollars in debt.

The Black Eyed Peas have dedicated their new music video to the victims. That’ll keep them warm at night. When asked for comment, the Japanese Government released a statement in which they said, “Thanks for all the celebrity support. But honestly, get off your Twitter and send us more cash.” They still haven’t gotten over Miss Congeniality 2.

Well, the answer is now available in Sheridan Simove’s new book. We’ll wait while you run to the bookstore to get a copy. ... Welcome back. However, don’t expect too many revelations as the book, which retails at £4.69, contains 200 blank pages – though it does have a printed front cover!

IF you see Dermot O’Leary roaming around the streets this weekend, shout him a drink. He’s pretty depressed these days as it looks like he’ll be overlooked as U.S X-Factor host - Enrique Iglesias is the current hot tip to grab the hotly contested gig.

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INTERVIEW

PAPA VS PRETTY have last November things Since talking to BBM pace for Tom Rawle, Tom really started to pick up tty). diner (aka Papa vs Pre Myers and Angus Gar latest EP, the Paul Having released their vy Harm, to critical Dempsey produced Hea ing been non-stop perform e hav trio the , laim acc es f le festival performanc pro high of g strin a with ase. their fast growing fanb st boo to only ing serv le ival on the horizon, Raw With the Gum Ball fest as a “lot of fun. It is kind uit circ ival fest the s see the big stages, because of weird playing such So softer the sound is.” the ge sta the ger big ing s do the band f nd play ber mem e thre only with ewhat daunting? on a bigger stage som

” d to get a vibe going, Myers admits “it is har y three onl are ere “Th ts. before Rawle interjec p have kind of got to jum of us as well, so you we like not is It gs. thin and around off the lights could easily f ll it. You are a seven-piece who ning around.” have to f ll it with run tic, the boys have With life currently so hec days off between been lucky to grab a few t r Hot Hot Heat suppor Pyramid Rock and thei ing ssing about the impend slot, so instead of stre ead ut album they have inst recording of their deb es at football on their gam been battling eachother lies r excitement for what console. However, thei h ent as we meet over lunc ahead is more than evid

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out Cheeky Monkey.

ady displaying their With their current EP alre be expected of the can t wha , depth and diversity diner feels that Gar rd? reco ” “already written of breadth to lot a still is re “with the album the lady territory. bal the into vier move from the hea e than the esiv coh re mo bit I think it is just a EP.” by Jeremy Williams. Interview and Photo Ball on April 29 Gum y pla Papa vs. Pretty For info, visit ley. Val ter and 30 in the Hun u m.a l.co bal thegum

INTERVIEW

clare maguire

“I am having a really good day. I am just here in Hamburg and it is really cool speaking to people all the way over in Australia.” Birmingham’s Clare Maguire is clearly enjoying her ride atop the music wave as her 2011 continues to go from strength to strength. The 23 year-old with the big, bold vocal may have only just released her debut album Light After Dark, but it is already 5 years since her musical journey really started on the back of MySpace.

While her early demos garnered attention from record labels, Maguire found herself invited to meetings with pop royalty of the Jay Z ilk. Hell, even Jarvis Cocker offered to write a song for her. However, it wasn’t until Maguire polled f fth on the BBC Sound Of 2011 list, that everything suddenly fell into place.

had been slogging away on her record with Adele producer Fraser T. Smith without much thought to the fanfare that would await it upon completion. So how does she feel now that everything appears to be falling into place? “It is always kind of fun when believe in what you are doing. It is also really special as my music isn’t as instant as a lot of people in the UK right now. I think it is def nitely a grower type of album, so the more people talking about it, the better.” Rather than allowing herself to get lost in the hype, Maguire is clearly remaining level headed about what lies around the corner. Though unable to predict her own career path, she is is willing to admit that “now that this is all happening, it is really inspiring and it is just making me want to write more.” Clare’s album, Light After Dark, is available right now.

Signed to Polydor back in 2008, Maguire

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INTERVIEW

During an eventful Australian tour that saw lead singer Deryck hospitalised and gigs cancelled, bass guitarist Jason ‘Cone’ McCaslin had more than enough time to catch up with BEN HARLUM (who had In Too Deep stuck in his head all week) to discuss their new album, Screaming Bloody Murder, which is available on Friday.

sum 41

realised that we had a ton of great material for an album. So we decided not to rush, and record the best quality album we could make. It was nice.

What’s been happening to the band, everyone is sick! I know! I think it’s all the travelling. We’ve literally just come from Dublin and we had a hectic time in New York before we made the trip to Europe and then here in Australia. It took us something like twenty-seven hours to get here so I think everyone’s just a little rundown. How were the Soundwave shows in Sydney and Brisbane? They were awesome gigs, there’s a very different vibe with Soundwave – almost a Warped Tour feeling with them. It was pretty bad-ass. Screaming Bloody Murder is the band’s f fth album, have you got the collaboration process down pact? Yeah, it’s always been the same process with us. Deryck is the main songwriter so he sets out the initial idea. Then we get together and work on a demo, and also work on our individual parts at home. It was great with this album because we went in with the intention of recording an E.P, but soon

With Deryck as the main songwriter, is he pretty protective with what he wants each song to sound like? Well, I write songs as well so I understand the attachment you have to each track. You have a vision of what the song should be like, but you need to have an open mind. Deryck’s pretty good but sometimes he’ll bring in a half-written song, and we’ll start playing and it develops from there. He’s pretty open about having our input and making sure it works as a band. The album is a lot heavier than what we’re used to hearing, has it been fun playing these faster, harder tracks live? Oh yeah, It’s been quite fun. A lot of our fans have expressed their desire for us to get heavier so we hope that we delivered. Deryck also was going through a tough time with his divorce so the lyrics are a bit darker as well. You rented out a house to record this album in, that must’ve been a great experience for you? Yeah, we recorded at this big house which they converted one of these huge rooms into a recording studio. It was fantastic, if you have an idea or get inspired you could go and record at 4am without waking anybody.

INTERVIEW Not only does Alexander Gow of Oh Mercy have a bunch of gigs across Australia to prepare for, he also has the new album, Great Barrier Grief, to promote - the band’s f rst since co-songwriter Thomas Savage decided to downsize his role in the group. BEN HARLUM caught up with Alex to discuss his busy schedule and the album - which is available now.

oh mercy

Do you feel you had more control with this album compared to the f rst? It was less of a collaboration process but in terms of using the word ‘control’, I wouldn’t say that. I think I had the same amount of control in terms of the vision for this new album as I did for our f rst one, I was just lucky enough to have Thomas writing with me back then. This time, I’m still lucky because Thom played guitar on the album which was great. I believe he has a couple of songwriting credits on there as well. Yeah, he certainly does. Recording the second album is a pretty wild beast - you want to change things up but make sure it sounds like the same band. Did you consciously try to change things up? I tried not to think about how people would like the second album in the context of the f rst. I think all you can do is develop yourself as a songwriter and singer, and hope that the people who found something in the f rst album that they could connect with, can f nd something similar with the second. How did you manage to get Ken Done onboard to do the cover art for you? I had always wanted a nude on the cover and, when we were recording the album in Santa Monica, I fell in love with these amazing murals that were so beautifully amateur. I told my manager about them, and we decided to track down Ken. We managed to catch Ken on a good day, shared ideas and the cover is what he came up with. It was awesome. Great Barrier Grief is in stores and online right now, and you can catch Alex and his team at the Oxford Arts Factory on March 25th and The Corner Hotel on April 8th.

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7 Days 4 Stages 50 Artists

THE WRAP

WEEKEND WEEKS IN TOTAL BOX EARNINGS RELEASE OFFICE

FILM

A NEW weekly party, Cube, will launch at the Forbes Hotel in Sydney on Saturday, 2nd April. The party will play host to a variety of local and international talent behind the decks. Cube will be a tech house party, with the promoters planting their focus f rmly on “all things deep and techy”. Guest DJ’s for the month of April include Franchi Bros on 2nd, Garry Todd on 9th, Robbie Lowe on 16th and Mitch Crosher on 23rd. ROLL UP! Roll up! Not Quite Cabaret Presents A Six Pack of Plays, laid out in the traditional Cabaret style in Paddington Arms. The evening features a showcase of Australian talent; writers, directors and actors. This is not theatre as you know it, this is an easy going relaxed evening of light entertainment. When: March 11, 18, 25 & April 1, 8, 15 Where: Paddington Arms

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ROY CHUBBY BROWN is returning to Australia for a national tour after being absent for f ve years.

ON BBMLIVE.COM THIS WEEK

FOR THE LATEST MUSIC NEWS VISIT BBMLIVE.COM/MUSIC-NEWS NOW! ...YES, RIGHT NOW.

His outrageous performances are considered unsuitable for mainstream television but his videos and DVD’s sell in their millions.

JEREMY SCOTT FOR SWATCH “There’s nothing quite like a Swatch Watch, it’s true. The simplicity, the great craftsmanship, the wearability, BBM could go on about the many positives of these Swiss-made timepieces, however now there is a very exciting reason to love Swatch even more...”

Perth: Burswood, 4th May Sydney: Parade Theatre, 6th Melbourne: Palms at Crown, 7th Adelaide: Norwood Concert Hall, 11th Brisbane: Concert Hall, 12th

COMPETITIONS AFTER rocking tens of thousands of screaming fans at Melbourne’s Etihad stadium on New Years Eve, the planet’s reigning #1 DJ and international Trance superstar, Armin Van Buuren, is on his way back to Australian shores for another exclusive, one-night only affair that’s simply not to be missed. BBM has two double passes to the Sydney show to give away.

IN Wild Target, a gorgeous con artist (Emily Blunt) discovers that crime doesn’t pay when her unsatisf ed customer hires Europe’s top assassin to take her out. But Victor (Bill Nighy) vows to protect the scammer, and f nds himself the unwitting mentor to a young protégée (Rupert Grint). Thanks to Icon Film, BBM has f ve copies of the DVD to give away.

BBM has UFC fever and there’s only one cure - more cowbell. Wait, that’s not right. The cure is the brand new UFC Collector’s Edition: Volume 13 DVD pack - which BBM has f ve copies to give away! This pack includes blockbuster f ghts from Brock Lesnar, Randy Couture and Anderson Silva.

TO ENTER ANY OF THESE COMPS, VISIT BBMLIVE.COM 14

THE German lads from Format: B will soon bring their techno beats down under for a headlining tour across the country. The duo released their f rst record through Berlin independent Highgrade Records, and after releasing a host of EP’s and remixes for Butch and Rainer Weichhold, they have gained attention on the global scene.

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REVIEWS JACKASS 3 CAST

Johnny Knoxville Steve-O

RELEASED DVD & Blu-Ray (MA15+)

SURELY by now you know whether you’ll be seeking Jackass 3 out on DVD or Blu-Ray, right? No? Okay, well let me continue. You won’t be disappointed with the third installment of Jackass, the f lm opening with the most simple of pranks - a giant hand. It’s hilarious that it’s actually hard for the f lm to top it. Don’t worry, it does. Try and seek out the copy with old-school 3D glasses, as custom-built 3D camera provide an added dimension (excuse the pun) to scenes

RATING

Now

like the port-a-loo bungy and the slow-motion ‘Rocky’. The f lm is edited so fast that the pranks never stop and you won’t want to look away incase you miss the best part. Admittedly, you’ll want to look away in certain scenes - sweatsuit cocktail anybody? You can tell the team love being together and it’s the reactions of the observers to each prank that makes the f lm that much funnier. Three stars and a Wee-Man for Jackass 3. Ben Harlum

CLARE MAGUIRE ALBUM

Light After Dark

RELEASED

Now Light After In Stores & Digitally Dark

THERE used to be a time when Annie Lennox was the one and only stand out British Female Solo Artist. Then something changed. Dido, Kate Nash, Lily Allen, Amy Winehouse and Duffy all took turns at the title as the Queen of emotive warbling. One of the strong favourites for the best British Female crown is the hotly tipped, BBC championed Clare Maguire, who releases her debut album - Life After Dark. Like Lennox, Maguire has

RATING

one of those incredible voices that can be close and soft, personal one moment and sweepingly anthemic the next but it’s not put to good use in a formula that disappointedly doesn’t change throughout the album 13 tracks. Maguire’s vocal brings elements of gothic pop, not seen since Shakespeare’s Sister, and these f eeting moments of edginess that provide some of the album’s highlights, a style I wish acclaimed producer Fraser T. Smith had done more with. James Stapleton

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SOAPS CORONATION ST. After a tender kiss, Kevin is gutted when Sally goes to see her solicitor to start divorce proceedings.

WORRIES over Whitney’s safety arrive this week, and it appears that the youngster has no idea of the danger she’s in.

Katy reveals to Chesney that she wants to start a family, and the pair drop a bombshell on their families.

Her new boyfriend Rob has conned her into prostitution, saying he has money problems and if she doesn’t help him, he will get hurt.

Elsewhere, Liz is back at the pub and gobsmacked to learn that Tracy is working at The Rovers.

THINGS heat up between Kevin and Sally as they worrying about Sophie’s recovery, blaming each other for how lonely they made their youngest daughter feel.

EastEnders

Tracy lands a date with Frank, but is disappointed when he cancels, while Frank is livid when Maria warns Tracy off him.

Lauren goes to visit Whitney, but when she realizes what’s been going on, she tries to help her friend, but will Whitney listen? Later, Janine also goes to try and rescue Whitney, but Rob breaks Janine’s phone and chucks her out. When he takes

her to a party later on, another girl approaches Whitney and tells her how to get “through it.” She then realises she’s entered a prostitution ring.

Carol assures Louie that she has picked the right man, but Louie decides against going to the wedding, putting prof t before pleasure. As a result, they say their f nal goodbyes. Things get ugly in the Smart Off ce, as Esther and Niamh f ght over Philip. Meanwhile, Rachel, in an effort to spend more time with Philip, wrangles an invite to a business meeting. But will Carol go through with the wedding? TO READ ALL THE LATEST GOSSIP BEFORE IT HITS THE MAGAZINE, VISIT BBMLIVE.COM/GOSSIP

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HOLLYOAKS + they go to the pub to f nd out that Silas plans to leave for France the next day. Upon hearing the news she is convinced it was him and she announces the news to his family. Elsewhere, Cindy is hell bent on winning Darren back and is none too pleased about him having children with Suzanne.

FOLLOWING Silas’ attack on Lynsey, she realizes that it was the pensioner who attacked her when she goes to stay at the Costellos and recognizes his voice.

Sinead goes behind her stepmother’s back and meets up with her real mum, but when she f nds out that her mother never loved her brother, her dreams of reuniting their family are dashed.

Emmerdale AARON makes a shock discovery this week when he watches Jackson’s video diary and learns that his boyfriend is so deeply unhappy with his disability that he wants to die, but how will Aaron cover up his discovery? Zak is proud when Lisa stands up to the evil rapist, Derek, while Carl’s suspicious when a mystery woman contacts Jimmy. But will it give them more clues as to his memory loss? Adam quits his job at Butler’s farm following another argument with John, who is later put off when he f nds out that Declan has offered him some work at Home Farm.

Finally, Carl is shocked when Kelly Windsor returns to the village, while Jimmy decides to make contact with her. Is he making a big mistake, as Carl opens up to Jimmy about his turbulent past with Kelly?

Terrif ed, she tells Cheryl and 18

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UK NEWS IOROWORTH HIS WEIGHT IN GOLD WHAT the fuck kind of name is Iorworth Hoare? His parents have set this poor twat up for disaster with a name like that, so it should be expected that he commit at the very least one major crime at some point in his life.

coming female artists. As asinine as this all sounds, it is 100% true, according to The Sun - which means nothing is accurate. Those fools are so stupid they still haven’t heard about the Earthquake in Japan.

He didn’t actually admit how it happened, but how else would your penis get stuck in a metal pipe?

No wonder he changed his name to Edwar d Thomas.

After he realised that his dick wasn’t coming out of the pipe without medical assistance, he drove to a nearby hospital.

Nowadays, when the convicted rapist isn’t trying to lure people into his van, he enjoys watching the outside world with his CC-TV setup on the perimeters of his 700,000 pound mansion.

Once doctors came to the conclusion that they could not remove the pipe from the man’s penis, a local f re truck was called into action.

He also enjoys abstract art and nude sculptures. Is it just us or does it sound like he now fits the profile of a serial killer?

BBM’s sources have conf rmed that a f ref ghter hasn’t been needed to remove a man’s genitals from an object since the last airing of There’s Something About Mary on the BBC.

It has been noted that Hoar e (pictured) enjoys spending his monthly allowance of around 8,500 pounds on art created by up and

The f ref ghters successfully removed the man’s pipe from the pipe with an industrial metal grinder.

FIRST, X-Factor and Britian’s Got Talent, now there is Roundabout Idol.

Judging by what we saw at Mardi Gras, this probably wasn’t the f rst time an industrial metal grinder was that close to another man’s penis.

You can vote for your favourite and the worst roundabout in England to win a prize. We bet The Sun was all over this story. Car leasing service centralcontracts.com are holding a competition for motorists to f nd the JLS of traff c islands. Has the world really come to this? Let’s just hope it isn’t going to be shown on air, although Channel 4 have been looking for a Big Brother replacement as of late... Off cially starting next month, make sure you take a camera on your journey to work, pull over safely and snap that roundabout. Work it, baby!

If it helps traff c and looks beautiful, it could stand a chance of being number one - a true Will Young in cement form (which is how we imagine Will Young occasionally to make us feel better).

GLOUCESTERSHIRE’S cheese-rolling race sounds crazy enough but when you have to then go and add a £20 ticket to be involved it becomes crazier than crazy - BBM can get a lot for £20 you know.

and rolling down a hill! Although, truth be told, we would pay to see celebrities throw themselves down a hill. We’d even place a bet on whether Victoria Beckham would snap in half.

What started off 200 years ago as a yearly free event is now going to cost due to the amount of people wanting to take part. You know, once Britain’s Got Talent stops auditioning, these crazy people have to f nd a hobby somewhere.

The charge will also act as a health and safety barrier. Last year’s race was cancelled so fans threw their own event, which resulted in a bunch of injures. This year the money will allow ambulances to be on standby.

Organisers have stated that the event has become too popular and, to stop the fear that they will have to cancel the event, they are charging participants an entry fee.

So the question stands, will you join the Cheese Rolling Committee and pay up to roll down a slope?

Pure madness all in the name of cheese

A Southampton man apparently thought it would be a good idea to try and fuck a steel pipe because he couldn’t get laid any other way.

This is no joke. It is now a two day event in Brockworth. Start saving!

EVERYONE has had the odd car trouble along the way, and often when seeking help, we will complain that the mechanic is simply making up excuses to make a few extra quid. However, it is nearly impossible to picture Warwick’s 59 year old John Gold’s face when the mechanic told him that his car troubles had been caused by hundreds of peanuts being crammed into his car’s air intake system. No doubt in complete disbelief (BBM hopes he asked if the mechanic “was nuts”), Gold soon realised that the blame lay with his bird loving motherin-law. While his dearly beloved in-law felt she was doing her bit by putting food out for the birds next to his car, a scoundrel squirrel had discovered the perfect hiding place for his loot!

BBM-600 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM

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UK NEWS CROCODILE DUMB-DEE BBM can think of many reasons to call in sick to work on a Monday morning, but they’d most likely be fantastical tales fashioned from the e loose grip of reality leftover from a weekends boozing. However, we have to say we’re pretty impressed with Zimbabwean Scott Brand who teaches at £15,000 a year Cumnor House School in Haywards Heath, West Sussex.. Whilst on holiday in e, his native Zimbabwe, the 21-year-old teacher decided to get totally and utterly bladdered and wrestle a 4-foot long crocodile… as you do. Things didn’t quite go to plan (to everybody’s surprise) and he ended up with several

gashes in his arm. Commenting on the incident, Brand said that ““I saw a four-foot long c croc and just jumped in a and grabbed it. It went nuts and was really going for me and it eventually got a hold of my left arm and bit down.” He also had the best solution, stating that “It was bloody sore but I got back on land and just poured some vodka over it and bandaged it up.” Basically, upon returning to the UK, he realised the wound was infected and told the school he’d be needing a couple of days off. Now that really is commitment to not working!

A devastated mum got the shock of her life when a cab driver ordered her to pay a £40 fine for ruining his cab. Pregnant 22-year-old Melissa Crosdale dropped off her son at her dads on the way to the hospital, but unfortunately for her wallet, her water broke in the back seat of the cab, only miles away from the hospital in Coventry. “My baby was still attached to the umbilical cord and he [the driver] just sat there,” she said - still in the cab a good day after her baby’s birth. Cab drivers are a funny bunch and we all got taught to check our change and fare, but you don’t expect to pay a fine for nature taking its course - at least that’s our excuse when we can’t hold our bladder any longer. Luckily, the new mum will be getting the money back from the cab firm. Miserable old bastard.

BBM-600 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM

IRISH NEWS SUCH IS WEST-LIFE BOYZONE... or is it Westlife? What exactly is the difference between the two - both had a gay member, an overbearing lead singer and that one who wanted the solo career... BBM could keep going, you know. Anyway, the one that Brian McFadden was kicked out of, they’ve decided to split from Simon Cowell’s record label, Syco.

They’re apparently unhappy with the promotion of their latest album, Gravity, forgetting that grumpy pants Cowell was the one who brought them the fame and fortune in the f rst place. We’re gathering they still haven’t come to the conclusion the rest of us has - in that they’re actually pretty shit, for lack of a better word.

TJ Carroll from Bagenalstown, Carlow, has been ordered to pay a whopping 2.2 million euros for running one of the biggest prostitution rings in Irelands history, or he could face another 10 years in prison. Carroll was one of the biggest pimps in Ireland with women working for him in 35 brothels north and south of the border (quite literally, too), and was involved in traff cking women from Nigeria and forcing them to work as prostitutes. Even better, he also had his partner and daughter help to run his horrible sex dens. Josef Fritzl called Carroll once the story went to print to congratulate him. While he may be kicking himself, having to blow 2.2 million at once, maybe he should blow something else? Perhaps the authorities could get him to work in the brothel until he’s earnt his keep. Might teach him a thing or two.

BBM is occasionally asked, What exactly happens in Ireland? Easy answer: drinking, potatoes, bit more drinking, and then perhaps a bit of a drunken brawl. In fact, one brawl got a little out of hand in Dublin when a man was shot in the pub last weekend. It’s okay though, whoever did it just wanted to scare his victim a bit, as he only shot him in the leg. Ireland… it’s the civilized isle. Actually, BBM probably could’ve just made this story up from some sweeping generaliations, but sadly we didn’t.

ST. PATRICK’S DAY PARADE ST. PATRICK’S DAY PARADE:The Sydney St Patrick’s Day Parade is the second largest in the world, after the New York celebrations. The parade commences at midday on Sunday 20th and consists of over 60 f oats and marching groups, starting at the corner of Town Hall on George Street and Bathurst Street continuing to Park St and around Elizabeth St, ending at Hyde Park near St James Station. The festivities continue at the Family Day at Hyde Park, from 12.30pm until 6.30pm. There will be two stages with Irish music and dancing, Irish food stalls to sample the best of the nation’s cuisine, children’s areas and of course, a the bar will stock Guinness to toast St Patrick himself. This year will see Australian residents of all nationalities become Australian citizens in the annual citizenship ceremony held at Hyde Park. Many Irish people choose to take part in the citizenship ceremony at the Sydney St Patrick’s Day Parade & Family Day as a way of recognising that although they are becoming Australian citizens, their Irish background will always be close to their hearts. The Citizenship Ceremony commences at 2pm, then at 3pm the Citizenship ceremony ends and the area is turned into a second stage with more traditional and modern music and singing.

BBM-600 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM

WORLD NEWS SWEDEN SWALLOWS A Swedish woman has lost her appetite after f nding a condom in her box. Of souredmilk product Filmjolk. See kids, punctuation can be fun. Media whore Milica claims her mother has lost her appetite after the incident. Milica’s Mum was pouring the milk when the condom, condom wrapper, a receipt and a plastic ring came out. Brilliant.

company said there is no way that the rubber got in there during the packaging process. “It’s a closed process and there are f lters and things that would stop something so large from ending up in a container.” At least now we all know how they get that delicious sour taste. For our next trick we’ll be moving on to jokes about how the Swiss get the holes in the cheese.

LAST week, a man was arrested and f ned $10,000 for sexually assaulting a fellow passenger on a f ight from Paris to Atlanta via Delta Airlines. But wait, there’s more. He then karate chopped the federal Air Marshal (pictured) in the throat when he came to the aid of the passenger in distress. If this isn’t the most badass story to tell your mates then BBM doesn’t know what is.

A spokesperson for the

EVEN when BBM gets a thirst for blood we never go as far as to harm someone to get the stuff. That’s just sick. Last time we just car-jacked a Sani-Fresh Bin Van and went to town.

Homer was placed on probation and ordered not to come within 500 metres of Maley who has been f tted with an alarmed device linked electronically to Sarah Michelle Gellar.

It’s a victimless crime.

Homer called Maley a “tease” as he shut the lid on his coff n and popped off to sleep.

The same cannot be said for 24-year-old Aaron Homer (pictured) who has pleaded guilty to aggravated assault after stabbing his housemate when he wouldn’t let him suck his blood.

But that’s not the record. Ted now holds the record for most breast surgery operations performed, which devastated BBM as we weren’t there to watch the record attempt.

Stab victim Bella Robert Maley admits that he had let Homer suck his blood before in the home they share with the stabber’s girlfriend. Apparently she has even worse “taste” than her boyfriend.

When we mentioned this to BBM’s American intern, he argued that it wasn’t a coincidence that the woman breast looks like a knife target. He dug the hole, now watch him try to explain his way out.

Sorry, pun intended.

“The bosom is the outer ring, the areola is the large bulls-eye and the nipple is the bulls-eye.” Well done, Jaymes.

Maley said the pair were into “vampire stuff.” No shit.

HERE’S a helpful hint that BBM learnt from our friend Crystal Balls; if you’ve f led a restraining order against your ex-boyfriend, it isn’t recommended to continue living with him. Especially when there’s knives involved. Clearly BBM’s advice doesn’t reach America as a man took his ex-girlfriend hostage and threatened her with a knife last week. Personally, BBM prefers threatening our ex-girlfriends with taking our shirt off.

NIP CHUCK GUINNESS World Record holder Dr. Ted Eisenberg likes to spend his spare time throwing knives at targets. More power to him.

arrested in the past on suspicion of threatening a female roommate, according to police. When deputies tried to contact the man, he refused to come outside, instead retreating to an upstairs bedroom and locking himself inside along with his ex, prompting a f ve-hour SWAT standoff that ended with his arrest. Ah, damnit. We were hoping for a shootout. And you don’t bring a knife to a gunf ght. BBM also learnt that from Crystal.

This extracurricular practice has made Dr. Eisenberg one of the best tit enlargers in the world, having once performed surgery on a Playboy centrefold. BBM wonders what the centrefold performed in return? Ted only deals with the best, or worst whichever way you want to look at it. He told the press that being able to touch breasts everyday should be everyman’s job. Okay, maybe he didn’t say that. BBM knows he is thinking it, the pervert (that we want to grow up to be like).

Surprise Surprise, the man had been

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WORLD NEWS URINE IDIOT, AND URINE IDIOT TOO! SWEDEN is going gangbusters for news this week. Although, to be honest, they’re not looking great. The police sure are clever with their DNA evidence, all that information from one tiny clue. The criminals here at BBM have really got to cover their tracks these days. No more of this breaking in, bleeding everywhere and leaving a bill for the cleaning. Those days are over. A couple of bank robbers have been busted after leaving traces of their DNA inside a vault in the bank.

And by “traces” we are of course referring to several bottles of urine. The two genius Swedes broke into the bank on Friday, stayed the weekend inside a vault, urinated in some bottles, loaded up on cash and jewellery and then pissed off. Literally. During the court case, the judge warned the pair that not only were they complete fucking morons but that if their urine was usually that yellow they could well be diabetic. Rough day all round.

OKAY, so you may remember that a few years ago there was a movement trying to get Jedi recognised as an off cial religion. The impact of Star Wars aligned combined with a dislike of established religion saw Jedi close to realisation. However, a study has shown that the border between fact and f ction is blurring in people’s minds. When asking a randomly selected group whether lightsabres really exist, a worryingly high 1 in 5 answered yes! (Editor’s Note: I say a worrying low!) Meanwhile 40% were convinced that hoverboards were now available and a rather wishful 24% had heard of real-life teleportation. Wait, hoverboards don’t exist? What a load of sith.

ATTACK OF ROBOCOCK BBM loves science. Especially the mentos in the coke trick and hands-on anatomy classes. Backyard Brains, a company trying to get neuroscience equipment into high schools, has developed the Roboroach. A half cockroach half robot remote control car specimen. We agree with whichever journalist came up with this joke f rst: they shoulda called it the Robocock. By attaching a whole bunch of electrical stuff to the cockroach’s brain, the Roboroach can be controlled by remote control. The device works by tricking the

cockroach by stimulating neurons that would usually be triggered when their antennae hit a wall. The company claims that there are a lot of similarities between the human brain and the brain of a cockroach. Next, they intend to wire up Kanye West- the closest known human relative to the roach. That prototype will most def nitely be called Robocock. Inspect spray companies are concerned that soon their products will go belly-up with households opting to just steer the pests out of their front doors instead. That bug from the Mortein add declined to comment.

EGGS-ACTLY WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED MOST people prefer sunny side up, scrambled or poached, and there is always that one creep that prefers a fried egg. But more recently the people of China are trying to make it possible to have a piss boiled egg (what’s with the urine stories this week?). Really China? This is quite possibly the nastiest addition to an egg in the history of mankind - well, ever since Lady Gaga at the Grammys. To make things worst, the makers (pictured) claim that the best urine comes from 10 year old boys. Before you ask, they do go to schools and collect the precious lemonade daily. Nothing really says delicious like an egg boiled in a 10 year old’s wee, right? Those damn Chinese people, just trying to compete with Japan’s successful global marketing of sushi. Imagine asking your boss what kind of urine egg he wanted for breakfast; the dehydrated, or an over hydrated piss egg? Gross.

BBM-600 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM

WHAT’S ON Usher

SYDNEY

7-TIME Grammy award winning artist Usher will be here in Sydney to grace the stage at Acer Arena. Usher has long been an integral part of the R&B scene since the late nineties, when one may argue that he was single handedly keeping the genre appealing to youth. Countless hits has established Usher as the best R&B artist of the past f fteen years, from My Boo to You Got It Bad. Also, Get there early as Trey Songz will be opening things in style.

Santana CARLOS Santana, proud owner of 10 Grammy awards will be in Sydney as a part of his 2011 Asia / Australia Tour. Be sure not to miss this performance as it will be his sole show in Sydney. Who wouldn’t want to see someone highly regarded as one of the best guitarists of all time? When: 25th March Where: Sydney Acer Arena Cost: from $104.00

When: 23rd March Where: Acer Arena Cost: From $99.90 MAKE sure to make room on your Saturday to stop by and be a part of what is sure to be a historic celebration commemorating the distinct character that is prevalent in the Pyrmont-Ultimo district. The great thing about this Pyrmont Ultimo UPTown festival is that it gives store owners the opportunity to showcase their products and sales in front of a large scale crowd. Be sure to make face at this birthday celebration or you will regret it. When: 19th March Where: Quarry Green, Ultimo Cost: Free ARE you ready to feel proud about being White & Nerdy? Now is your time to come out and support the ageless wonder also known as Weird Al. Al has parodied thousands of songs and made a career for himself by doing so. When: 19th March Where: Enmore Theatre

LONGTIME mate of Jack Johnson, Donavon def nitely has received some tips from his pal, which ensures that he will be an excellent singer and is sure to be a class act. When: 17th March Where: Annandale Hotel Cost: $39.60

KNOWN for their harmonious range, The McClymonts will be in Sydney to help the post- St. Patrick’s Day enthusiasts continue their celebration. The Trio of sisters will be sure to rock the stage when they belt out their entire collection for you country music lovers! When: 26th March Where: Evans Theatre, Penrith Cost: $36.50

BBM-600 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM

MELBOURNE NEWS TRAINING DAY WE’VE all been there.

you can never understand.

Sitting on the train, either taking a welldeserved nap or trying to get the attention of the hot blonde with the short skirt, and you’ve realised that you’ve missed your stop.

It didn’t help that he was on drugs, and was accompanied by his sevenmonth-old daughter.

What we would say, however, is that promising your husband a ‘surprise’ before having your lover stab him isn’t the best of moves when you’re intending to plead innocence. Chris Soteriou told a court last week that he was “puzzled” when his wife parked their car in a secluded Fitzroy side street on their way to their favourite restaurant. Clearly he hasn’t had a great marriage, we all know what a side street quickie means - right guys?

At Newport station, Jason (Lawyers note - allegedly) forced open the door of a slow-moving train and dragged the pram from the carriage before falling on to it.

After they celebrated his birthday at the restaurant, Soteriou was stabbed and police allege the attack was carried out by Ms Soteriou’s secret lover.

Well one upstanding member of society fell victim - except he decided to take action.

When arrested by police, he had taken too many Valium tablets on the day but no longer used illicit drugs. Well that’s a relief.

It doesn’t help that prior to the attack Chris had received a number of threatening phone calls in which he was told: “You’ll be dead before Christmas.’’

Like Rambo in, well, Rambo, Jason Searle became a vigilante and fought the system - namely the train announcer who

There’s a positive to this story, and that’s we don’t need to look any further for the 2011 Father of the Year. Hoorah!

BBM can’t wait to watch the dramatic conclusion in Underbelly: Murder for Dummies.

At least, that’s what BBM claimed when the police asked us why we followed the hot blonde home.

BBM wouldn’t say that we’re experts on murder, despite watching countless episodes of Underbelly and Spooks.

BBM-600 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM

WHAT’S ON MELBOURNE

THE king of parodies is returning to Australia! In a career spanning nearly three decades, Weird Al Yankovic has amassed 28 Gold and Platinum albums, 7 Gold and Platinumcertif ed home videos and 3 Grammy Awards. When: Wednesday, 23rd March Where: Palais Theatre Cost: $99

ONLY in Melbourne could Weird Al be followed by Pearl Jam’s Eddie Vedder. On his last visit to Australia as the front man of Pearl Jam, he played to 160,000 people, so this is a rare opportunity to see Eddie in an intimate solo mode. When: 24 & 25th March Where: Palais Theatre Cost: $109 FOR over 35 years Motorhead have maintained their strong hold as a force of unrelenting sonic power, pounding their music into the ear drums of audiences all over the world, leaving them begging for more. . When: Saturday 26th March Where: Festival Hall Cost: From $99

SOUTHERN California’s favourite punk rock songsters, Unwritten Law, are on the brink of unleashing Swan, and they are bringing their hard-hitting live show to our shores to celebrate. When: Sunday 27th March Where: Billboard The Venue Cost: $60

MATT ISEMAN has made appearances on the Drew Carrey Show, NCIS, Courting Alex, Transformers 2 - The Movie and many more. Where: Comic’s Lounge When: 20 and 27th March Cost: From $27

BBM-600 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM

WHAT’S ON PERTH

STRAIGHT out of the shadows of the concrete metropolis is rap’s most revered super villain, MF Doom. The masked lyricist, known to possess a variety of super powers, has single handedly put fear in the eye of many of his peers, and dominated the underground for 20 years.

CRAWLING out from the deep woods of Finland, Finntroll’s music is the truest form of pagan folk metal today. Think sinister guitar riffs, devil-driven drums and traditional the Finnish “humppa” (polka) style. When: Monday, March 28th Where: Capitol

When: Friday, March 25th Where: Metro City

AT the helm of Stones Throw for the past 15 years, Peanut Butter Wolf has led the independent hiphop and funk scenes with a roster of highly successful artists. A highly skilled DJ and producer himself, Peanut Butter Wolf will deliver a special live DJ/VJ set drawing exclusively from his extensive collection of weird and wonderful music video clips.

PERTH, are you ready to die from laughter? Billy Connolly will be here to show you a great night. Quite simply, Billy is fucking hilarious. If you haven’t had the opportunity to hear one of Billy’s routines, it is your duty as a human to go and catch his performance this Sunday.

When: Thursday, March 24th Where: Bakery Artrage Complex

When: Sunday, March 20th Where: Burswood Theatre

FLY BY NIGHTCLUB 1 Holdsworth Street, Fremantle

ROSIE O’GRADY’S 205 James Street, Northbridge

ROSEMOUNT 459 Fitzgerald Street, North Perth

DURTY NELLY’S 397 Murray Street, Perth

THE NEWPORT HOTEL 2 South Terrace, Fremantle

MURPHY’S IRISH PUB 43 Mandurah Terrace, Perth

ELEPHANT & WHEELBARROW 55 Lake Street, Northbridge

THE SHED 69/71 Aberdeen Street, Northbridge

HOTEL ROTTNEST 1 Bedford Avenue, Rottnest Island

BBM-600 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM

WHATâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S ON QUEENSLAND

Band of Brothers SLAVA and Leonard Grigoryan, James and Joseph Tawadros - two sets of brothers. Slava and Leonard are two of the f nest classical guitarists in Australia, Joseph Tawadros is a master of the Oud, while James is a world-class percussionist, specialising on the Req, an Egyptian tambourine. Band of Brothers is a unique brotherly collaboration, that crosses cultural and stylistic barriers of world, jazz, classical and traditional music. When: Tuesday, 22nd March Where: Cairns Civic Theatre Cost: $29

AFTER declaring that their 2010 tour of Australia would be their last, the Wolf Tones loved the tour and our f ne country so much they insisted on coming back for St Patrick Day celebrations in 2011. When: Saturday, 26 March Where: Tivoli Cost: $94.90

DIRECT from f lming his own TV Series, Stephen K Amos is returning to our shores with his special brand of melt-in-the-middle comedy, to cheer us up and show that laughter really is the best medicine. When: 25th - 27th March Where: Brisbane Powerhouse Cost: $44

Stone Temple Pilots THE American Rockers released their eponymously named sixth studio album in May last year after nearly a decade-long recording hiatus which included some time apart. The San Diego quartet reunited in 2008 and fans have been eagerly awaiting new material and a tour ever since. Australia and New Zealand have not previously had an opportunity to see the band live in concert - until now. When: Wednesday, 23rd March Where: Riverstage Cost: $89.90

WASHINGTON-BASED singer/songwriter/accordion player Jason Webley developed his distinctive blend of folk, punk, and gypsy rock busking on the streets of Seattle in the late â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;90s. When: Wednesday, 23 March Where: The Zoo Cost: $10

HOT on the heels of their Big Day Out gigs, Dead Letter Circus are tackling in Brisbane, Sydney, Melbourne and Perth, along with MS Festival in Launceston and the Clipsal 500 in Adelaide. When: Friday, 25th March Where: Tivoli Cost: $27

BBM-600 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM

QUEENSLAND EXPLORING QUEENSLAND BY JAYMES PECKHAM

TROPICAL weather, beautiful beaches, and a plethora of activities are just a few reasons why you should travel to Queensland. The state is home to one of the world’s seven natural wonders; The Great Barrier Reef, but many forget about all of the other great places to visit while in Queensland because they are too busy daydreaming about the Reef (and understandably so). Well I am here to inform you about a few more attractions to consider during your trip in Queensland. But don’t worry, I won’t forget to talk about all the fun things you can do on the Reef.

DAINTREE RAINFOREST

The Daintree Rainforest boasts the unique distinction of being the oldest rainforest in the world, not to mention it is a World Heritage Site. I took a trip to Cairns just last week, and venturing out to the Daintree Rainforest was one of the highlights of our trip. Being in the rainforest was just a surreal experience; just taking a mere glance at 5 metres of the rainforest, where you can spot at least 100 different life forms whether they be plants, animals or insects, the Daintree is just so bio-diverse it is unfathomable. If you do decide to take a trip to the rainforest, make sure you wear bright clothes, no black! You see, mosquitoes are attracted to dark colors, but butterf ies are attracted to light colors, so if you want to further repel the mozzies, wear light colors and a Kodak moment may arise during your adventure. While in the rainforest, multiple options for exploring are available; 4-Wheeling, zip line, horseback riding, or a bus tour, but in my opinion walking is the most rewarding. If you’re on a search for crocs, the Daintree River is a common birthplace for the behemoths, you can even take a crocodile spotting cruise along the banks of the river, during the cruise, the captain of the boat will educate you on the different types of plants that line the river, commonly referred to as Mangrove. The cool thing about these plants is they can actually move, and most of (TURN TO PAGE 44)

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QUEENSLAND them breathe oxygen. The whole Daintree area is an amazing place, and is very close in proximity to the world famous Mossman Gorge. The Mossman Gorge is hands down one of the most beautiful places to visit in Tropical North Queensland. The Gorge is a majestic place to be, watching the crystal clear water splash over the erosion-smoothed rocks is just a peerless photo waiting to happen. On a good day, you are able to take a dip in the gorge and cool off with the many species of friendly creek f sh that inhibit the water with you. Also at the gorge, a circuit track creates a 2.2 kilometre nature walk that creates an abundance of lookouts for that perfect group photo with the gorge and rainforest in the background - a Facebook prof le picture for sure!

There’s also a bunch of other unique experiences you can take part in while in Queensland. Here are f ve of my favourites.

DUBUJI BOARDWALK

The Dubuji Boardwalk is an easy, family friendly walk that is about 1.5 kilometres and takes roughly an hour to complete. Being one of the most popular self guided walks, the Dubuji is a loop that brings you around swampland and mangroves, many of which provide the last refuge to some rare life forms that were once plentiful in the area. The path is f lled with information boards that pertain to the surroundings of them. Also on the path is a good amount of places to take Ansel Adams-esque photographs.

MT. SORROW

If you are a more experienced hiker, it’s a good idea to go and check out Mt. Sorrow’s ridge hike. This is a strenuous hike and it is one that should only be attempted by f t, experienced people. However, the lookout (TURN TO PAGE 46)

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QUEENSLAND atop Mt. Sorrow is worth the strenuous nature of the hike. If you plan on attempting it, make sure to alert someone of your plans, bring at least 4 litres of water, and if there is any possibility of rain, a rain-jacket. Most importantly, do not forget your camera!

LAKE EACHAM

Created by a volcanic explosion over 12,000 years ago, Lake Eacham is one half of the twin crater lakes in the area (the other being Lake Barrine). Lake Eacham offers the unique experience of swimming in a volcano crater, all rain water, and an average depth of 65 metres! The water is not cold at all, often hovering around the 21° mark. If taking a dip in the beautiful lake is not enough for you adrenaline junkies, walk around and f nd a nice sturdy tree to jump into the lake from!

MILLA MILLA FALLS

Milla Milla Falls is one of the more iconic sites in Queensland. The falls have been a part of multiple advertising campaigns for the likes of XXXX Gold and Herbal Essence, and it is an absolutely beautiful experience. One of the major perks of visiting Milla Milla falls is that you can swim in the pool that the fall creates and, for the more adventurous, you can swim under the falls and sit on the rocks behind it. Milla Milla falls is surely a place you don’t want to miss on your visit to the Sunshine State.

SEA KAYAKING

Another wonderful option to consider while you’re in Queensland is Sea Kayaking. Sea Kayaking can help you attain a unique appreciation and perspective for the waters of Queensland. Special Kayaking routes can be planned on a case by case basis, and you can even go alone without a guide, that is of course if you are an experienced Sea Kayaker. If you do choose to go Sea Kayaking, look down every once in a while, because chances are, if your in Tropical North Queensland, there is a coral reef below you and you never know what you might see. (TURN TO PAGE 48)

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QUEENSLAND THE REEF

The Great Barrier Reef is one of the 7 natural wonders of the world and deservedly so. During my trip to Cairns I went on a full day excursion on the reef, where I participated in a good amount of snorkeling. When you look into the waters of the reef you will see more f sh in 10 minutes than you can your whole life going to aquariums. The reef is just amazing; you will have to make sure that with a company that will take you to only the pristine reefs in the area. The Great Barrier Reef is actually a collection of many coral reefs, and if you want to have a better chance at seeing a Sea Turtle, it is best that you travel to a reef that has had limited human interaction. The best example of a reef of this nature would be Mackay Reef, which lies about 20 kilometers east of Cape

Tribulation. The Mackay Reef is synonymous with turtle spotting and offers a plethora of exotic coral and a generous selection of f sh for you to snap photos of. Mackay Reef is one of the few reefs in Australia that has not been subject to damage by way of human interference, and it is this fact that makes Mackay in my opinion, the reef to dive in Queensland, and as a bonus, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s close to Cape Tribulation. Cape Tribulation also offers one of the most beautiful beach walks in all of Queensland. The Daintree Rainforest hugs the coastline at Cape Tribulation which sets up for an unbelievable array of photographic opportunities. Finally, Cape Tribulation is the unique opportunity to spot marine wildlife at its absolute best. Stick around till about 6pm or so and chances are you will be able to spot dolphins, turtles and even sharks that hunt during dusk.

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SOUTH AUSTRALIA BAROSSA VALLEY BY JEREMY WILLIAMS

TELL anyone from Australia that you are headed to Adelaide and the f rst thing they will ask you is â&#x20AC;&#x153;are you going to the Barossa?â&#x20AC;? So synonymous with the South Australian capital is this world-renowned winery region that it would defy convention to visit Adelaide and not head across to sample some of the worldâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s greatest Shiraz. Now, before we go any further, I want to make it clear from the outset that I am no connoisseur. I have in my time tasted more than a few glasses of wine, but when it comes to deciphering the constituting f avours, I come a little bit unstuck. I have f gured out that my personal preference veers towards the lighter end of the scale, a good Pinot hits the spot without blowing my mind. While I can also be partial to a Moscato or Port when offered, they would rarely be found in my possession. Therefore, the Shiraz trail, while enticing, is far from my

comfort zone. As the Prime Mini Tours arrive to collect me from my accommodation at a comfortable 9am, I am relieved to f nd that the tour bus takes the slow road to the Barossa and my only just-f lled stomach is not going to have to contemplate alcoholic intake till much closer to lunchtime. While for some the extended wait is a bug bear, I am more than prepared for some interesting diversions along the way. While the initial drive is rather mundane, our tour guide does his best to f ll us in with a tit bits of information whilst allowing sleep time for those who need it. However, as soon as the motorway is left trailing behind us, the Gumeracha Toy Factory gets its f rst mention. Now, the Gumeracha Toy Factory may not be a name that instantly rings a bell, however, I am more than certain that you will have heard of the Australian obsession

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with ‘big’ icons of interest; from the Big Apple in Stanthorpe through to the Big Banana in Coffs Harbour. Medindie hosts the Big Scotsman, which was built in 1963 and started a trend that resulted in over 150 ‘big icons’ to be built in places obscure and obvious. Despite their frequency, I am aware that my visit to the Gumeracha Factory is about to bring me into contact with my very f rst ‘big icon’. It is a moment that had been built up in my mind for several months prior to my arrival in Australia. So, I hear you all ask, what was to be my f rst ‘big icon’? While, naturally Cowes’ Big Koala or even Dadswells Bridge’s Giant Koala may have been distinctly appropriate given my ever increasing (and slightly worrying, marsupial obsession) I was more than happy to make do with Gumeracha’s Big Rocking Horse. Built in 1981 and an impressive 17 x 18 metres, the big Rocking Horse cost over $100,000 to build and weighs more than 25 tonnes. Sadly static, but for those who still have a childish inclination to a quick back and forth on a rocking horse, you are able to make use of Big Rocking Horse’s Little Friend, who stands equally proud in his shadow. While The Big Rocking Horse makes for a perfect photo opportunity, it is also a much-awaited coffee and toilet break. Though the Gumeracha Toy Factory is packed to the brim with hand-crafted toys and treats, I am admittedly too awestruck by CONTINUED ON PAGE 54

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SOUTH AUSTRALIA the stature of the structure to make use of any opportunity. Having stretched our legs, we make our way through a series of villages to learn about Barossa’s Lutheran formations. Having been named in 1837 by the Colonel William Light, the Barossa’s name honours the British victory in the Battle of Barrosa in 1811, the slight alteration of the name being due a clerical error. However, it was in 1840 that a steady f ow of Lutheran Germans arrived in the region in an exodus from the religious persecution they faced at home. While the German inf uences still dominate in the region, with Lutheran still the predominant religion, a latter day English inf uence came to the fore following the discover of the wealth of natural sources within the area. Soon after came a brief break at Angus Park Dried Fruits. Seemingly more an excuse to demonstrate the diversity of products within the Barossa Valley, the produce whilst tempting served as little more than another stretch of the legs. Returning to the bus, it was apparent that the general consensus was that the wine tasting should commence.

With lunch drawing ever closer, the wine enthusiasts felt a sampler was required to kick the taste buds into gear. Luckily, the next stop would be Wolf Blass. Now, even the non-knowing me is fully aware of Wolf Blass’ global reputation. Founded in 1966 by German immigrant Wolfgang Blass, their produce has become synonymous with the area that surrounds them. An outspoken f gure, Blass has been cited as stating “Barossa should focus on what it does best: full-bodied Shiraz”, so it is somewhat of a surprise to f nd that the tasting sample on offer focuses on the breadth of wines offered by Wolf Blass rather than the legendary Shiraz. With Wolf Blass cited as an example of the big business wine producers in the region, which also includes the even more famous Jacob’s Creek, the tasting session is equally clinical and manufactured. Rather than a friendly, warm welcome, the Wolf Blass session feels staged. With little attention paid to the individual, the cold approach does nothing to warm an outsider into the wine world. With more than ample time to taste the wine and take in the small, but surprisingly detailed museum, it is with some surprise that as the day developed, I would come to realise just smaller ‘quality not quantity’

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competitors could easily blow the big names out of the water.

by a simple stroll through the vineyards to see the source of their sensational Shiraz.

With our tastebuds teased but not really tantalised, we head to the Nuriootpa Vine Inn for a promised three course lunch. As is often the case with these pre-planned meals, a vegetarian option often feels like an after thought. However, having gotten past the meat heavy starter by use of the more than appealing salad bar, the last two courses more than f ll the gap that has built up in my stomach.

A short drive to take in a few more local points of interest and we are on track for taste test number three. While far from drink-induced merriment, the atmosphere in the bus has lifted and friendships are forming. Language barriers aside, everyone does their best to join in and the lighter mood spurs on our guide who in turn increases the banter.

My angst about being left hungry were pushed to the side as I felt replete and thirsty for a taste of what the Barossa really has to offer. Just a short drive down the road and we arrived at the picturesque German cottage set Vinecrest winery. In stark contrast to the sterile surrounds of the Wolf Blass winery, Vinecrest is beyond picture perfect. A small scale operation, Vinecrest take a very personal approach and pay due attention to every member of the tour. Open to questioning, the relaxed pace allows enjoyment of their product and leads to many a purchase of their hard to f nd wines. Though their wine did tease and please, the whole experience was lifted to the next level

A detour to The Barossa Sculpture Park on Mengler Hill is too brief. The f ve minute stop to take in the breath-taking views and admire the marble and granite structures is scant enough. While the real wine lovers amongst us were keen to get to the next tasting session, I would have happily traded the Wolf Blass visit with an opportunity to take in the fusion of natural and created beauty. Alas, it was not to be and we were soon on our way to Grant Burge. Once again set in a picturesque collection of vines, the wooden hut is clearly on a grander scale than Vinecrest. Already packed to the brim with wine enthusiasts, the unprecedented popularity of Grant Burge comes as a surprise to our driver who gives us a little extra time to ensure we can make our way CONTINUED ON PAGE 56

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SOUTH AUSTRALIA through the crowds to sample some of their products. Finding myself to be slowly veering away from the sha-boom of the Shiraz, I f nd amongst their selection a sparkling Shiraz and feel that I may have found my own route to enjoyment of the local producer. While at f rst a confusing contradiction, the Shiraz Cabernet NV would end close to the top of my taste experiences of the day. Noting that I was perhaps not an advocate of wines with ka-boom, the Grant Burge staff pointed me in the direction of the dessert wine. With the clarif cation that perhaps my tastes were better suited to the produce of the Yarra Region, they suggested that I would be better at stomaching one their 10 yr old Tawny. Clearly a connoisseur at clarif cation, the suggestion sat perfectly and the Tawny had topped the table... for now. All wined out, I decided to allow the rest of my tour mates continue their battle for attention and headed out for a walk. Sensibly deciding that it was best not to wander too far from the pack, I ventured only a short way down the road to take in the lush, green views that rolled out in front of me. Something of an anomaly in the normally dry Barossa.

long way from the saline woe of Wolf Blass and captured my heart as the small guys well and truly won out over the big. Needless to say, as we boarded the bus, I noted that the amount of sales at Kies far outnumbered any of the earlier stops. Four wineries down and the day was peaking at the right time. But, there was one more stop to make. We were going to play a game of Chinese Whispers. Only there would be a wall between us. The prospect of a kids’ game at this late stage of the day more than excited a few members of the bus, and our imaginations went wild when we saw the engineering phenomena of the Whispering Wall. Standing proud and tall, a collection of us walked along the top to stand in a cluster facing our newfound friends. Without hesitation, we started to whisper into the wall and listen with intent for a reply. Cries of “can you hear me?” headed our way and with adolescent laughter we screamed an aff rmative reply.

Having f nally found my feet in terms of Barossa produce, I entered the Kies Family winery with a new found vigour. Resigned to the fact that the Shiraz simply didn’t hit the right buttons, I teased myself with a sip of rose before heading straight for their Bastardo Port. And there it was. I had found my heaven. The sweet, warm sensation sent a tingle down my spine and my tastebuds took a big sigh of relief. I hadn’t been misleading them all this time. Perhaps with a biased outlook, I decided again to venture into the grounds of the Kies Family winery. Humble and well kept, the traditional approach had me captivated. The Kies Family winery is a

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FEATURE TAX

TAX REFUND EXPLAINED Everyone pays tax. We explain how it works and how to maximise your refund Just like back home, tax is withheld from your pay as you work.

including your gross income and the amount of tax deducted.

The rate is based on the Australian Tax Off ce estimate of what they think your tax liability would be if you worked for 12 months nonstop.

When enquiring about a quote, always ask if the quote is after fees and the exact amount you will get in your bank.

The tax you pay is only an estimate and generally backpackers and travellers will pay too much tax. To get your tax back you will need to lodge a tax return with the Australian Tax Off ce.

Not all tax accountants are the same, some are better qualif ed, some have cheaper fees. It is what you get in the hand that really matters. WHEN TO CLAIM YOUR TAX BACK Australia Financial Year is between 1st of July and 30th June. Most tax returns are lodged after the f nancial year ends in July.

Your tax return is an important document, as it will determine your refund amount. One error and your refund is gone. Various companies offer the tax back services, but by law only a Registered Tax Agent can lodge your tax return. For complete assurance, it is best to go to a tax company that belongs to a professional association such as the NTAA (National Tax & Accountants Association) or CPA (Certif ed Practising Accountants)

WHAT DO I NEED? You will need a payment summary or a f nal pay slip. These are documents that have a summary of your gross wages and the amount of tax withheld. Your employer will give it to you.

Tax companies that belongs to a professional association are up-todate with the latest tax laws and follow a code of ethics.

You will also need your Tax File Number and other personal information such as your full name, date of birth, postal address and bank details.

HOW MUCH TAX BACK? The amount of your tax refund will depend on your circumstances

If you have f nished work, you do not have to wait till July. You can request an early tax refund. Backpackers can get your tax back before they leave Australia.

These are important conf dential information.

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WILL THE COMPANY SEND ME THE MONEY? When you engage the services of a tax company, you will be supplying conf dential information. You need to ask questions. 1. Do they have an off ce that you could visit, or just a web site? 2. How long have they practised as tax accountants? 3. Has a friend received a refund from them? 3. Are they Registered Tax Agents? 4. Do they belong to a professional association? Chances are that you will be out of the country when your tax refund and super refund comes back. You need to be assured they will send you the money. Tax companies that are members of a professional association must follow a code of ethics. You will always get your refund.

SUPER REFUND EXTRA MONEYAll employers must pay extra money into a superannuation fund if you earned more than $450 for the month. Australians have to wait till they retire to get this money. But if you have left Australia and your visa has expired you can claim it now. Your tax accountant will be able to get your super refund for you. Courtesy of expresstaxback.com.au, members of NTAA and CPA

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RECRUITMENT

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ATTENTION ELECTRICIANS PIPE LAYERS CARPENTERS PAINTERS

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To apply for these roles please e-mail your CV to tc@freespirit.com.au

Sydney Jobs

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MEDIA SALES CONSULTANT $22 PER HOUR (6 MONTH ROLES)

CLAIMS $22 PER HOUR (3 MONTH ROLES)

Our client is a newly established on-line media agency seeking a number of experienced outbound call consultants to join their small but busy North Sydney media team.

Leading Australian Insurance company requires reliable travelers for contract role;

You will possess; â&#x20AC;˘ Excellent communication skills â&#x20AC;˘ Highly motivated individual â&#x20AC;˘ Strong customer service skills â&#x20AC;˘ Friendly personality This is a great role calling an existing client base. Full training provided.

â&#x20AC;˘ Must have Insurance Claims experience, Home & Content preferred â&#x20AC;˘ Strong Microsoft Office and communication skills â&#x20AC;˘ CBD location â&#x20AC;˘ Young and friendly team, nice offices â&#x20AC;˘ $22 plus super â&#x20AC;˘ Start now for 3 months with a view to extend to 6 months

TELESALES CONSULTANTS $21 PER HOUR

ACCOUNTS PAYABLE/RECEIVABLE $24-$26 PER HOUR

Our Client is seeking experienced Telesales Consultantâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s with the following criteria:

Do you have accounts payable/receivable experience?? We have clients in the city seeking candidates for immediate start.

â&#x20AC;˘ Minimum of 6 months call centre experience â&#x20AC;˘ English fluency â&#x20AC;˘ Travellers with more than 3 months visa validity â&#x20AC;˘ Strong experience with an aggressive sales attitude â&#x20AC;˘ Strong customer service skills â&#x20AC;˘ Financial Services Background would be a Bonus

The ideal candidate will; â&#x20AC;˘ Thrive in a busy environment â&#x20AC;˘ High attention to detail â&#x20AC;˘ At least 2 years experience â&#x20AC;˘ Ability to prioritize workload Assignments are up to 6 months paying $24-$26 an hour. To apply for these roles please email your CV to tc@freespirit.com.au

Already have a job and want more money? Call 1300 freespirit to ask us about LAFHA.

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JOB LISTINGS AUSTRALIA DO YOU WANT TO WRITE about traveling around the Australians West Coast? This is a great opportunity to get your name in to print. This not a paid job, but other benefi ts are available like free activities or accommodation as you travel. Well established magazine now ten years old. Please apply to: guchi.shakir@what-media. com

MELBOURNE PROMOTIONAL STAFF. call centre work available to promote electricity and gas. simple work and great money. full time training provided - no experience needed. melbourne work only. call Jerry on 03 9867 6322 FLAUNT IT! We are the leading producers of creative nude photography, and are looking for amateur models 18 + to smash the stereotypes. Earn 500+ cash on your own terms. Fun, safe women run company. Call Rebecca 03 9495 6555

SYDNEY

Call Centre - Travellers Wanted! Our Client is seeking travellers with fantastic customer service and sale skills for a 6-8 temp assignment. Your role will be generating leads on behalf of a well established global client through warm and cold calling. Paying $22 Plus Super If you think you are right for the role then please send your detailed resume to tc@freespirit.com.au CLAIMS OFFICER Our Client is seeking an experienced Claims Offi cer with the following criteria: Minimum of 1 year work experience, Experience in Motor or home insurance claims, English fl uency, Travellers with more than 6 months visa validity, Not on Student Visa. If you believe you are suitable for this role please email your resume to: tc@freespirit.com.au

INDUSTRIOUS RECRUITMENT

is currently looking for casual staff with experience in: Warehousing, Labouring, Stores, Process Work, Green card and safety boots are an advantage – however not essential! Various assignments, short & long term! Email sarah@ industriousrecruitment.com.au or contact Sarah @ (02) 9270 5257

DATA ENTRY OFFICER – TRAVELLERS WELCOME!! Our Client is seeking an experienced Data Entry Offi cer with the following criteria: Minimum of 1 year work experience. English fl uency. Travellers with more than 3 months visa validity. Not on Student Visa. If you believe you are the right candidate for this role please forward your resume through to mailto:tc@freespirit.com.au

SCAFFOLDER REQUIRED, TOP $$$!! Must have: • UK or Irish Scaff Ticket • Own Tools • Current Working Visa • Green Card Please phone 0406 648 012 for more info. TELEMARKETERS

– SMILE WHILE YOU DIAL! Working Holidaymakers needed for our EASTERN SUBURBS OFFICE. Must be enthusiastic, confi dent, well spoken and able to follow instructions. No experience necessary - Full training given. Base + Commission + Bonus Paid Weekly. Call Steve Now on 1300 657 362

SALES EXECUTIVE DO WANT TO SETTLE DOWN IN AUSTRALIA? DO YOU LOVE SELLING? • Generous package • An opportunity to become an Australian permanent resident and eventually a citizen! • Fantastic full-time sales role with growth potential • Both face-to-face & call centre positions! • Complete training available • Assistance with your visa We are a privately owned media company experiencing growth year on year. We require LOUD, FUN & SMART individuals to join our young & dynamic team to work out of our West Sydney and Inner West Sydney offi ces As Sales Executive you will be selling to medium sized local businesses and organisations, gradually building strong relationships with your portfolio of clients. We want to see your great selling skills and your original ideas and marketing solutions. If you have a professional attitude and presentation, then email your resume and a cover letter to

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ADULT EMPLOYMENT

KINGS COURT MASSAGE is the best place to learn adult massage. Kings is well organised with tight guidelines (no sex) and the other girls are friendly to work with. You will gain confidence as you learn adult massage and the style of the place makes you look good. You just need to be the girl-next-door. We have an understanding boss and the clients are younger and more polite than other places. Enjoy cash money on a casual basis paid daily from the beginning. Have a look at the web site. It is safe to scan in a cafĂŠ (no porn.) There is a map to guide you to us. Drop in for a chat and we will have one of our ladies show you around. We are along from central railway near the university precinct. Catch a bus to Victoria Park bus stop then look across the road.

Behind each successful woman is-HERSELF!!! Training provided Discreet, Paid daily Flexible hours Foxtel and internet access for staff Friendly Female management Located in the heart of Sydney Earn $150+ per hour

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GOOD GIRLS GO TO HEAVEN!! BAD GIRLS GO EVERYWHERE!! Female Masseurs required $115 p/hr Full training provided Immediate Start Flexible shifts Fun & friendly girls team

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135 Bayswater Rd Rushcutters Bay www.atmichelles.com

JOB LISTINGS

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ON (02) 8231 7701

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BBM-600 // JOB LISTINGS

ACCOMMODATION SYDNEY

MELBOURNE Looking for excellent accommodation at the best location in Sydney. The Porterhouse have dorms in the heart of the city. Dorm beds single $40 per night or $180 per week, double rooms $80 per night OR $320 per week. Call 02 9211 4454 for details

Find more accommodation on bbmlive.com

DARLINGHURST BUDGET. NEWLY RE-FURBISHED SHARE ACCOMMODATION - Rear of 433 Liverpool Street, Darlinghurst. Corner of West Street. Central location, close to all amenities yet quiet. $160 P/P P/W + $200 Bond. All bills + WIRELESS INTERNET included. Fully furnished rooms in share house. 7 rooms - 2, 3 or 4 person share. Laundry, Kitchen, lounge/TV room. For appointment to view call Louise between 9am-7pm on 0402 034 119.

FULLY FURNISHED MODERN APARTMENTS TRENDY ACLAND STREET ST. KILDA

Suit singles, couples, 2/4 share. Rooms, Studios, Units. Short to medium term rentals. From $200 to $450 per week. Share from $100 pp weekly. All-inclusive. Well-equipped. Large courtyard, BBQ, security. Close to trams, shops, beach, tourist spots, Luna Park.

Call Sunday to Friday 0425 803 276 or 0425 790 566

TO ADVERTISE CALL

ON (02) 8231 7701

BBM-600 // ACCOMMODATION

ACCOMMODATION GUIDE NEW SOUTH WALES SYDNEY

SYDNEY BACKPACKERS 7 Wilmot St Sydney NSW 2000 Ph: 02 9267 7772 1800 88 77 66 (Free Call) Fax: 02 9266 0017 www.sydneybackpackers.com CLOVELLY HOTEL 381 Clovelly Road Clovelly office@clovellyhotel.com.au Reservation numbers: (02) 9665 1214 www.clovellyhotel.com.au CRITERION HOTEL 260 Pitt Street Sydney (crn Pitt & Park Streets) Ph: (02) 9264 3093 manager@criterionhotel.net.au www.criterionhotel.net.au WESTEND BACKPACKERS 412 Pitt Street Sydney, NSW, 2000 Freecall: 1800 013 186 Phone: 02 9211 4588 bookings@westendbackpackers.com www.westendbackpackers.com See the CHURCH - Australia’s largest dorm!

JOLLY SWAGMAN BACKPACKERS HOSTEL 27 Orwell Street Kings Cross, NSW 2011 FREE: 1800 805 870 Ph: 93586400 skype: jolly.swagman.backpackers stay@jollyswagman.com.au www.jollyswagman.com.au BONDI BACKPACKERS 110 Campbell Parade Bondi Beach NSW 2026 Ph: (02) 9130 4660 1800 304 660 bookings@bondibackpackers.com.au www.bondibackpackers.com.au THE GLOBE BACKPACKERS 40 Darlingurst Road Kings Cross, Sydney NSW 2011 FREECALL: 1800 806 384 Ph/Fax: (02) 9326 9675 info@globebackpackers.com www.globebackpackers.com CITY RESORT HOSTEL 103-105 Palmer St, Woolloomooloo NSW 2011 Ph: (02) 9357 3333 bookings@cityresort.com.au Skype: City Resort Hostel www.cityresort.com.au Show this ad for $5 off! (Valid for new guests only. Min. 3 nights stay.)

THE GEORGE STREET HOTEL 700A George Street Sydney NSW 2000 Tel: 02 9211 1800 Fax: 02 9212 2884 Freecall: 1800 679 606 (Within Australia) booking@thegeorge.com.au www.thegeorge.com.au BOUNCE SYDNEY 28 Chalmers Street, Sydney 2010 Free call 1800890897 Ph +61 2 9281 2222 book@bouncehotel.com.au www.bouncehotel.com.au STRAND HOTEL 99 William St Darlinghurst, Sydney 2010 Ph: 02 93606910 www.strandhotel.com.au www.strandedinsydney.com.au LORD WOLSELEY HOTEL 265 Bulwara Rd Ultimo, Sydney 2007 Ph: 02 96001736 www.lordwolseleyhotel.com.au MAZE BACKPACKERS 417 Pitt St Sydney NSW 2000 Ph: 1800 813 522 www.mazebackpackers.com

PORTERHOUSE HOTEL 233 Riley St Surry Hills NSW 2010 Ph: (02) 92114454 www.Porterhouse.com.au info@porterhouse.com.au

Single and double & Dorm rooms available Max 4 bed dorms.

BIG HOSTEL 212 Elizabeth Street, Surry Hills Sydney NSW 2010 Ph: 1800 212 244 02 92816030 Fax: 02-9281-6031 www.bighostel.com reception@bighostel.com HAPPY CHAPPY TRAVELLERS INN 64 Foveaux St, Surry Hills Ph: 02 9211 4945 Fax: 02 9212 6662 www.excelsiorhotel.com info@excelsiorhotel.com.au

SYDNEY CENTRAL HOSTEL

428 Pitt Street Sydney 2000 (02) 9211 7323 Open Daily 8am-11pm www.sydneycentralhostel.com.au

THE ROYAL HOTEL

370 Abercrombie St, Darlington, NSW, 2008 Ph: 02 9698 8557 info@royal.com.au www.royal.com.au

SYDNEY NORTHERN BEACHES SYDNEY BEACHOUSE - YHA 4 Collaroy St, Collaroy, 2097 Ph: +61 2 9981 1177 Fax: -61 2 9981 1114 www.sydneybeachouse.com.au Guaranteed jobs/work all year. Cheap weekly rates by the beach with free Surfboard, Bodyboard & Bike hire

SYDNEYS SOUTHERN BEACHES CRONULLA BEACH YHA 40 - 42 Kingsway, Cronulla Sydney, 2230 Ph: 02 9527 7772 enquiries@cronullabeachyha.com www.cronullabeachyha.com www.yha.com.au

PORT STEPHENS

MELALEUCA SURFSIDE BACKPACKERS 2 Koala Place, One Mile Beach, NSW 2316 Ph/fax: (61) 2 4981 9422 Mobile: 0427 200 950 www.melaleucabackpackers.com.au melaleucabackpacker@bigpond.com

NEWCASTLE

BACKPACKERS NEWCASTLE 42 & 44 Denison St, Newcastle, NSW, 2303 Freecall: 1800 - 33 34 36 (NSW) Ph: 02 4969 3436 info@backpackersnewcastle.com.au

HUNTER VALLEY HUNTER VALLEY YHA 100 Wine Country Drive Nulkaba, Hunter Valley Ph: 02 4991 3278 huntervalley@yhansw.org.au www.yha.com.au

KATOOMBA

KATOOMBA MOUNTAIN BACKPACKERS LODGE 31 Lurline st Katoomba Ph: 4782 3933 www.katoombabackpackers.com.au/ stay@katoombabackpackers.com.au SPECIAL WINTER DEAL, STAY 2 NIGHTS GET THE 3RD NIGHT FREE!!!!!!

BYRON BAY

AQUARIUS BACKPACKERS 16 Lawson Street Byron Bay NSW 2481 T/F Ph: 1800 028 909 Ph; (02) 6685-7663 Fax: (02) 6685-7439 info@aquarius-backpackers.com.au www.aquarius-backpackers.com.au NOMADS BYRON BAY 1 Lawson Lane Byron Bay, NSW 2481 Freecall: 1800 766 673 Phone: 02 6680 7966 bookings@nomadsbyronbay.com nomadshostels.com Newest backpackers in town – not to be missed!

ARTS FACTORY LODGE 1 Skinners Shoot Road Byron Bay, NSW 2481 Ph: 02 6685 7709 info@artsfactory.com.au www.artsfactory.com.au An essential part of your journey

NAMBUCCA HEADS

NAMBUCCA BACKPACKERS Nambucca Backpackers, 2 Pacific Highway, Nambucca Heads, NSW 2448 Ph: (02) 6568-6360 www.nambuccabackpackers.com.au

LAKE TABOURIE

LAKE TABOURIE TOURIST PARK Princes Hwy, Lake Tabourie, NSW 2539 Free call: 1300 559 966 tabourie@shoalhaven.nsw.gov.au www.holidayhaven.com.au/tabourie

QUEENSLAND BRISBANE

TINBILLY TRAVELLERS 466 George St Brisbane City, Qld 4000 www.tinbilly.com Ph: +61 7 3238 5888 Free Call 1800 44 66 46 Free Tinbilly Limited Edition T-shirt With presentation of this BBM Ad THE DECK 117 Harcourt St New Farm Brisbane 0433777061 the_deck@live.com.au Designed with the working Traveler in Mind Minimum 2 week stay BASE QLD BACKPACKERS 308 Edward st Brisbane qld 4000 palace@stayatbase.com www.stayatbase.com Ph: 0732112433 BUNK 11-21 Gipps St Fortitude Valley, Qld, 4006 info@bunkbrisbane.com.au www.bunkbrisbane.com.au Ph: +61 7 3257 3644 Free Call: 1800 682 865

GOLDCOAST AQUARIUS BACKPACKERS 44 Queen Street Gold Coast, Queensland Ph: 07 5527 1300 Freecall 1800 229 955 info@aquariusbackpackers.com.au www.aquariusbackpackers.com.au BACKPACKERS IN PARADISE 40 Peninsular Drive Central Surfers Paradise Queensland, 4217 Ph: 1800 268 621 info@backpackersinparadise.com www.backpackersinparadise.com

ISLANDER BACKPACKERS RESORT 6 Beach Road, Surfers Paradise (next to the bus transit centre) Ph: 1800 074 393 www.islander.com.au res@islander.com.au SLEEPING INN SURFERS 26 Peninsular Drive Surfers Paradise 4217, QLD Ph: 07 5592 4455 Fax: 07-5592-5266 www.sleepinginn.com.au info@sleepinginn.com.au GET EXCITED ABOUT WHERE YOU SLEEP! COOLANGATTA SANDS HOSTEL Cnr Griffith & McLean Streets, Coolangatta 4225 Ph: 07 5536 7472 hostel@taphouse.com.au www.taphouse.com.au SURFERS PARADISE BACKPACKERS RESORT 2837 Gold Coast Highway Queensland 4217 Ph: 07 5592 4677 Freecall - 1800 282 800

www.surfersparadisebackpackers.com.au

spbr@bigpond.net.au

NOOSA

NOMADS NOOSA 44 Noosa Drive Noosa Heads, QLD 4567 Phone: 07 5447 3355 bookings@nomadsnoosa.com

HERVEY BAY

NOMADS HERVEY 408 The Esplanade Torquay, Hervey Bay, QLD 4655 Phone: 07 4125 3601 bookings@nomadshervey.com

TOWN OF 1770 (Between Bunderberg & Rockhampton)

COOL BANANAS 2 Spring Road, 1770 Queensland, 4677 Ph: 1800 227 660 www.coolbananas.net.au 1770 SOUTHERN CROSS (BACKPACKERS) 2694 round hill rd, agnes water, 4677 Ph: 0749747225 info@1770southerncross.com www.1770southerncross.com 1770 BEACHSIDE BACKPACKERS 12 Captain Cook Drive PO Box 212, Agnes Water Queensland 4677 Australia Ph: 07 4974 7200 www.1770beachsidebackpacker.com.au

CAIRNS NOMADS CAIRNS 341 Lake Street Cairns, QLD 4870 Freecall: 1800 737 736 bookings@nomadscairns.com nomadshostels.com Stay 4 nights, pay only 3! Or $5 off 1st night with this ad. NOMADS ESPLANADE 93 The Esplanade Cairns, QLD 4870 Freecall: 1800 175 716 Ph: 07 4031 7477 bookings@nomadsesplanade.com nomadshostels.com Free Breakfast, Free Dinner, and 15 minutes Internet Free

GILLIGANS BACKPACKERS HOTEL & RESORT 57-59 Grafton Street, Cairns, QLD Free phone: 1800 556 995 www.gilligans.com.au

GLOBETROTTERS INTERNATIONAL 154-156 Lake st Cairns City 1800 22 55 87 info@globetrottersinternational.com.au www.globetrottersinternational.com.au A GREAT NIGHT SLEEP GUARANTEED NOMADS CAIRNS BEACH HOUSE 239 Sheridan Street, Cairns, QLD 4870 Tel: 1800 229 228 or (07) 4041 0431 bookings@nomadsbeachhouse.com www.nomadsworldhotels.com Dorm from just $12 THE NORTHERN GREENHOUSE 117 Grafton Street Cairns QLD 4000 Ph: 1800 000 541 northern@friendlygroup.com.au www.northerngreenhouse.com.au JJ’S BACKPACKERS 11-13 Charles Street Cairns QLD 4870 Bookings - 1800 666 336 Reception - (07) 4051 7642 Fax - (07) 4051 7223 www.jjsbackpackers.com jjsbackpackers@ledanet.com.au

MISSION BEACH

ABSOLUTE BACKPACKERS MISSION BEACH

28 Wongaling Beach Road Mission Beach Queensland 4852 Freecall: 1800 688 316 info@absolutebackpackers.com.au www.absolutebackpackers.com.au SCOTTY’S BEACH HOUSE 167 Reid Road, Mission Beach Queensland, 4852 Ph: 07 4068 8676 Fax: 07 4068 8520 info@scottysbeachhouse.com.au www.scottysbeachhouse.com.au

CAPE TRIBULATION PK’S JUNGLE VILLAGE Lot 11 Cape Tribulation Road, Cape Tribulation QLD 4873 Tel: 07 4098 0040 info@pksjunglevillage.com www.pksjunglevillage.com

WHITSUNDAYS

BAREFOOT LODGE Whitsunday Passage Whitsundays, Australia Australia Freecall: 1800 075 125 International Telephone: +61 7 4946 9400 Availability and Rates: barefootlodge.bookconfirm.com longisland@oceanhotels.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au

AIRLIE BEACH

MAGNUMS/WHITSUNDAY VILLAGE TRAVEL 366 Shute Harbour Rd 4802 Airlie Beach, QLD Ph: +61 7 4964 1199 or 07 4964 1188 Free call: 1800 624 634 www.magnums.com.au CLUB CROCODILE Shute Harbour Road, Airlie Beach, Australia Freecall: 1800 075 151 International Telephone: +61 7 4946 7155 Availability and Rates: Club Crocodile Airlie Beach Bookings airliebeach@oceanhotels.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au

CAPE TRIBULATION FERNTREE RAINFOREST LODGE

Camelot Close, Cape Tribulation, Australia Australia Freecall:1800 987 077 International Telephone: +61 7 4098 0033 Availability and Rates: www.thebookingbutton.com.au reservationsferntree@oceanhotels.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au

BBM-600 // ACCOMMODATION GUIDE

RAINBOW BEACH

PIPPIES BEACH HOUSE Cnr of Spectrum Street & Cypress Avenue, Rainbow Beach FREEPHONE: 1800425356 info@pippiesbeachhouse.com.au www.pippiesbeachhouse.com.au 30mins FREE Internet on presentation of this ad PLUS FREE Breakfast & Eco Whale-Watching for all!

DINGOS BACKPACKER RESORT 20 Spectrum Street, Rainbow Beach QLD 4581 FREECALL: 1800 103 823 www.dingosresort.com 3day/2night Selfguided camping Fraser Island Safari PLUS 2 nights at Dingos Resort $219 NO HIDDEN EXTRAS and FREE Pancake breakfast with every stay!!!

WESTERN AUSTRALIA SCARBOROUGH

WESTERN BEACH LODGE 6 Westborough Street Scarborough, Western Australia, 6019 Ph. (08) 9245 1624 westernbeach@iprimus.com.au www.westernbeach.com

PERTH RAINBOW LODGE 133 Summers St. Perth, WA Ph: (08) 9227-1818 or 0417 927 529 Ron@rainbowlodge.com.au www.rainbowlodge.com.au OCEAN BEACH BACKPACKERS cnr Marine Parade & Eric St Cottesloe Beach Ph: 08 9384 5111 stay@oceanbeachbackpackers.com www.oceanbeachbackpackers.com ONE WORLD BACKPACKERS 162 Aberdeen St Northbridge, PERTH WA Ph: (08) 9228 8206 www.oneworldbackpackers.com.au MOUNTWAY HOLIDAY APARTMENTS 36 Mount St West Perth WA 6005 Ph: (08) 9321 8307 info@mountwayapartments.com.au www.mountwayapartments.com.au MAD CAT BACKPACKERS 55-63 Stirling Street Perth, Western Australia, WA 6000 Ph: (0)8 9228 4966 madcat@madcatbackpackers.com.au

www.madcatbackpackers.com.au BRITANNIA ON WILLIAM 253 William Street, Northbridge 6003 Perth WA Ph: 08 9227 6000 Fax: 08 9227 6611 www.perthbritannia.com YMCA ACCOMMODATION JEWELL HOUSE 180 Goderich St. Perth, WA 6000 tel: (08) 9325 8488 fax: (08) 9221 4694 email: jewellhouse@ymca.org.au www.ymcajewellhouse.com.au OCEAN BEACH BACKPACKERS 1 Eric Street , Cottesloe Perth W/A 6011 Ph: 08 9384 5111 backpackers@obh.com.au UNDERGROUND BACKPACKERS 268 Newcastle Street Northbridge WA 6003 Ph: (08) 9228 3755 Fax: (08) 9228 3744 www.undergroundbackpackers.com.au

EXCLUSIVE BACKPACKERS 158 Adelaide Tce , Perth 6000 Ph: (08) 9221 9991 exclusivebackpackers@hotmail.com www.exclusivebackpackers.com BEATTY LODGE 235 Vincent Street West Perth WA 6005 Ph: (08) 9227 1521 www.beattylodge.com.au info@beattylodge.com.au BILLABONG RESORT 381 Beaufort Street, Perth Ph: 08 9328 7720 bookings@billabongresort.com.au www.billabongresort.com.au GLOBE BACKPACKERS 561 Wellington Street, cnr. Queen St. Perth, WA Ph: 08 9321 4080 globebak@iinet.net.au www.globebackpackers.com.au THE OLD SWAN BARRACKS 2 - 8 Francis Street Perth (Northbridge)6000 Ph: 08 9428 0000 www.theoldswanbarracks.com

MONKEY MIA

MONKEY MIA DOLPHIN RESORT Monkey Mia Road, Shark Bay 3537 Ph: +61 8 9948 1320 monkeymia@aspenresorts.com.au www.monkeymia.com.au

KUNUNURRA

KUNUNURRA BACKPACKERS ADVENTURE CENTRE 22 Nutwood Crescent Kununurra WA 6743 Ph: (08) 9169 1998 1800 641 998 www.kununurrabackpackers.com.au info@kununurrabackpackers.com.au

VICTORIA MILDURA REDCLIFFS HOTEL 25 Jacaranda St Red Cliffs VIC 3496 (03) 5024 1704

HALLS GAP

BRAMBUK BACKPACKERS HOSTEL 330 Grampians Road, Halls Gap, Victoria, 3381 Ph: 03 5356 4250 bramback@netconnect.com.au

www.brambuk.com.au/backpackers.htm Brambuk Backpackers offers travellers an affordable and comfortable range of accommodation, ideally situated within the stunning Grampians National Park.

MELBOURNE EASYSTAY MOTEL AND STUDIO APARTMENTS Great accommodation at fantastic rates Rooms available for up to 4 people Book online and save $$$ www.easystay.com.au Or call 1300 30 17 30 NOMADS MELBOURNE

196-198 A’Beckett Street Melbourne, VIC 3000 Freecall: 1800 44 77 62 Phone: 03 9328 4383 bookings@nomadsmelbourne.com nomadshostels.com

Funkiest backpackers in Melbourne – come enjoy a drink in industry bar/lounge. On us!!Yay

EXFORD HOTEL 199 Russell Street Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9663 2697 Fax: 03 9663 2248 res@exfordhotel.com.au www.exfordhotel.com.au

BBM-600 // ACCOMMODATION GUIDE

Australia

NOMADS ALL NATIONS 2 Spencer Street Melbourne, VIC 3000 Freecall: 1800 739 989 Phone: 03 9620 1022 info@allnations.com nomadshostels.com

$5 off first night (min 3 night stay) if you mention this ad

FLINDERS STATION HOTEL BACKPACKERS 35 Elizabeth Street Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9620 5100 Fax: 03 9620 5101 res@flindersbp.com.au www.flindersbp.com.au THE SPENCER BACKPACKERS 475 Spencer Street, Melbourne Ph: (03) 9329 7755 1800 638 108 hotelspencer@hotkey.net.au www.spencerbackpackers.com.au Bring this ad for 40 min FREE internet (new guests only). KING STREET BACKPACKERS 197-199 King Street Melbourne VIC 3000 Ph: (03) 9670 1111 1800 671 115 info@kingstreetbackpackers.com.au www.kingstreetbackpackers.com.au MELBOURNE INTERNATIONAL BACKPACKERS

450 Elizabeth Street Melbourne Vic 3000 Ph: 03 9662 4066 Fax: 03 9662 4077 res@mibp.com.au www.mibp.com.au THE GREENHOUSE BACKPACKER 228 Flinders Lane Melbourne VIC 3000 Ph: 1800 249 207 greenhouse@friendlygroup.com.au www.greenhousebackpacker.com.au HOTEL DISCOVERY 167 Franklin Street, Melbourne VIC 300 Ph: 03 9329 7525. Freecall 1800 645 200 reservations@hoteldiscovery.com.au www.hoteldiscovery.com.au Independent & Budget Traveler Accommodation Provider VICTORIA HALL ACCOMMODATION 380 Russell Street Melbourne 3000 Ph: 03 9662 3888 www.victoriahall.com.au PINT ON PUNT 42 Punt Road Windsor 3181 Melbourne, Victoria Australia Ph: 03 9510 4273 www.pintonpunt.com.au

ST. KILDA

OSLO HOTEL 38 Grey St, St Kilda Melbourne Ph: 1800 501752 Free call or (03) 95254498 or mob: 0407115610 (any time) info@oslohotel.com.au www.oslohotel.com.au From $132 per week, 4 bed dorms HABITAT HQ Freephone 1800 202 500 info@habitathq.com.au www.habitathq.com.au

Award winning 4.5 star hostel with a homely & relaxed atmosphere Specials from $20!FREE pick up from Tullamarine (min 3 nt stay) * Conditions apply JACKSON APARTMENTS St Kilda Beach 80 Ikerman St Ph:0433 118 334 0412 525 510 www.jacksonapartments.com.au Jackson.apartments@bigpond.com

APOLLO BAY

APOLLO BAY BACKPACKERS LODGE 23 Pascoe Street, Apollo Bay Ph: 1800 157 280 +61 352 377850 Mob: 0413 504 402 Fax: 03 523 77385 ww.apollobaybackpackerslodge.com.au

NORTHERN TERRITORY DARWIN

CHILLIS BACKPACKERS 69A Mitchell Street, Darwin Ph: 1800 351 313 www.chillis.com.au ASHTON LODGE & WISDOM BAR 48 Mitchell St, Darwin NT 0800, Australia Ph: 08 8941 4866 ashtonlodge@gmail.com www.wisdombar.com.au MELALEUCA ON MITCHELL 52 Mitchell St Darwin, NT, 0800 Ph: 08 8941 7900 Freecall: 1300 723 437 www.momdarwin.com info@MOMDarwin.com

SHARE ACCOMMODATION CAIRNS

CAIRNS SHAREHOUSE.COM 53a Minnie Street, Cairns Qld 4870 (Cnr Draper/Minnie Streets) Ph: 0740 411 875 or 0412 318 519 info@cairns-sharehouse.com www.cairns-sharehouse.com SPECIAL!!! Mention this ad and receive free DVD hire!! **Note: Best for stays of 4 weeks & more

SUBIACO AND WEST PERTH MALIBU APARTMENTS Share House & Self Contained Apartments Subiaco & West Perth Ph: (08) 9228 9008 info@malibuapartments.com.au www.malibuapartments.com.au

ALICE SPRINGS ANNIE’S PLACE 4 Traeger Avenue Alice Springs , NT, 0871 Ph: 1800 359 089 www.anniesplace.com.au

SOUTH AUSTRALIA ADELAIDE ADELAIDE TRAVELLERS INN BACKPACKERS 220 Hutt St Adelaide 5000 Free call 1800633747 Ph: +61 08 82240753 bookings@adelaidebackpackers.com.au www.adelaidebackpackers.com.au MAJESTIC MINIMA HOTEL 146 Melbourne Street North Adelaide SA 5006 Ph:(08) 8334 7766 minima@majestichotels.com.au www.majestichotels.com.au OUR HOUSE BACKPACKERS 33 Gilbert Place, Adelaide, SA, 5000 Ph: 08 8410 4788 Fax: 08 8410 6288 info@ourhousebackpackers.com www.ourhousebackpackers.com

HINDMARSH GROOVEY GROUP 10 Bacon St, Hindmarsh SA 5007 getaways@groovygrape.com.au Freecall: 1800 66 11 77 Ph: + 61 8 8440 1640 www.grooveygroup.com.au ADELAIDE SHAKESPERE’S INTERNATIONAL 123 Waymouth Street Adelaide SA Ph: +61 (0)8 8231-7655 (Oz Freecall) 1800-556-889 bookings@shakeys.com.au This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it www.shakeys.com.au

FOR MORE LISTING VISIT BBMLIVE.COM

ACCOMMODATION GUIDE New Zealand CHRISTCHURCH

CITY OASIS 180 Peterborough Street, Christchurch Ph: + 64 3366 9531 cityoasis@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz COKER’S BACKPACKERS 52 manchester Street, Christchurch Ph: + 64 3379 8580 enquiries@cokers.co.nz www.cokers.co.nz

BAY OF ISLANDS BAY ADVENTURER BACKPACKERS & APARTMENTS 28, Kings Road, Paihia, Bay of Islands, NZ Ph: +64 9 402 5162 Info@ bayadventurer.co.nz www.bayadventurer.co.nz

KAIKOURA ADELPHI LODGE Main Street, Kaikoura Ph: + 64 3319 5141 Fax: + 64 3319 6786 adelphilodge@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz

QUEENSTOWN

BUNGI BACKPACKERS 15 Sydney Street, Queenstown Ph: + 64 3442 8725 Fax: + 64 3442 8729 www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz SOUTHERN LAUGHTER LODGE 4 Isle Street, Queenstown Ph: + 64 3441 8828 southernlaughter@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz

NOMADS QUEENSTOWN 5-11 Church Street Queenstown, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 3 441 3922 info@nomadsqueenstown.com nomadshostels.com Queenstown’s brand new fl ashpackers, now open with rave reviews.

FRANZ JOSEF GLACIER

CHATEAU FRANZ 8 Cron Street, Franz Josef Glacier Ph: + 64 3752 0738 www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz GLOW WORM COTTAGES 7 Cron Street, Franz Josef Glacier Ph: + 64 3752 0172 glowwormcottages@xtra.co.nz www.kiwi-backpackers.co.nz

AUCKLAND

WELLINGTON

NOMADS AUCKLAND 16-20 Fort Street Auckland, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 9 300 9999 bookings@nomadsauckland.com nomadshostels.com

NOMADS CAPITAL 118 Wakefi eld Stree Wellington, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 4 978 7800 info@nomadscapital.com nomadshostels.com Central city backpackers with FREE MEAL every night

$5 off fi rst night (min 3 night stay) if you mention this ad

NOMADS FAT CAMEL 38 Fort Street Auckland, NZ Freecall: 0508 NOMADS Phone: +64 9 307 0181 bookings@nomadsfatcamel.com nomadshostels.com $5 off fi rst night if you mention this ad

Fiji BEACHCOMBER ISLAND RESORT Mamanuca Island Group Ph: + 679 6661500 Fax: + 679 6664496 info@beachcomberfi ji.comwww beachcomberfi ji.com THE BEACHOUSE Coral Coast, Fiji Islands Fiji phone: 679 6530500 Free call (within Fiji): 0800 6530530 Australia info line: 07 55320412 info@fi jibeachouse.co www.fi jibeachouse.co

SMUGGLERS COVE BEACH RESORT & HOTEL P.O.Box 10409 Nadi Airport. Ph: (679) 672 6578 or 672 4578 Fax: (679) 672 0662 reservations@smugglerscove. com.fj www.smugglersbeachfi ji.com Skype name: Smugglers Cove HORIZON BEACH RESORT Wailoaloa Beach, Nadi Bay, Fiji Ph: +679 672 2832 or 4578 Fax: +679 672 0662 www.horizonbeachfi ji.co

ROBINSON CRUSOE ISLAND Fiji budget accommodation Ph: (679) – 6281999 (679) – 6282901 robinsoncrusoe@connect.com.fj www.robinsoncrusoeislandfi ji com THE UPRISING BEACH RESORT 679-345-2200 Beach RoadPacifi c Harbou P.O.Box 416 Pacifi c Habou Fiji Islands enquiries@uprisingbeachresort. com www.uprisingbeachresort.com

NADI BAY RESORT HOTEL Wailoaloa Beach Road Private Mail Bag NAP 0359, Nadi Airport Ph: (679) 6723599 Fax: (679) 6720092 nadibay@connect.com.fj www.fi jinadibayhotel.com NADI BAY DOWNTOWN BACKPACKERS Nadi, Fiji Islands Ph: [679] 670 0600 pacvalley@connect.com.fj

BBM-600 // ACCOMMODATION GUIDE

ADVENTURE SPORTS SKYDIVING AUSTRALIA COFFS CITY SKYDIVERS 64 aviation drive Coffs Harbour NSW 2450 Tel: 02 66511167 – 0400916600 jump@coffsskydivers.com.au www.coffsskydivers.com.au AWESOME in every way! Full Facilities,Cheap Accomodation Gift Vouchers, GOOD VIBES

SKYDIVE BYRON BAY P.O.Box 1615, Byron Bay, NSW, 2481 Hanger 1, Tyagarah Airfield, NSW, 2481 PH: 1800 800 840 or 02 6684 1323 Fax: 02 6684 6323 Email: info@skydivebyronbay.com www.skydivebyronbay.com

The ultimate skydive experience Australia has to offer!

SUNSHINE COAST SKYDIVERS Pathfinder Dr, Caloundra Airport Tel: 1300 727 313 or 07 5437 0211 jump@jumpscs.com www.jumpscs.com SKYDIVE COFFS HARBOUR P.O. Box 351 Coffs Harbour NSW 2450 0433 254 438 info@skydivecoffs.com.au www.skydivecoffs.com.au Beach landings in the heart of coffs

SIMPLY SKYDIVE SYDNEY P.O. Box 5060 Elanora Heights NSW 2101 Sydney International Regatta Centre

Penrith Lakes NSW 2750 FreeCall 1800 SKYDIVE Ph: 02/92238444 Fax: 02/92315878 Info@simplyskydive.com.au www.simplyskydive.com.au

Awesome views of Sydney and the Blue Mountains!

SKYDIVE THE REEF CAIRNS 51 Sheridan St, Cairns, QLD, 4870 Tel: 1800 800 840 Fax: 02 6684 6323 info@skydivethereefcairns.com.au www.skydivethereefcairns.com.au

Free Transfers from Cairns & spectacular views of the great barrier reef

SKYDIVE JURIEN BAY 36B Bashford St, Jurien Bay, WA, 6516 Ph: 0438 441 239 www.skydivejurienbay.com SKYDIVE MISSION BEACH 51 Sheridan St, Cairns, QLD, 4870 Tel: 1800 800 840 Fax: 02 6684 6323 info@missionbeachskydive.com.au www.skydivemissionbeach.com.au

Free transfers from Mission Beach & Cairns. Australia’s Highest jump and Beach Landings

NEW ZEALAND

SKYDIVE LAKE WANAKA LTD 14, Mustang Lane, Wanaka Airport State Highway 6, Wanaka, South Island NZ Tel: +64 3 443 7207 or FREEphone 0800 786 877 info@skydivewanaka.com www.skydivewanaka.com

NZONE ‘THE ULTIMATE JUMP’ Queenstown & Rotorua Tel: 0800 376 796 skydive@nzone.biz www.nzone.biz SKYDIVINGNZ.COM New Zealand Skydiving School FREEPHONE: 0800 NZSKYDIVE Email: info@skydivingnz.com

FIJI

SKYDIVE FIJI 11 Zahoor Road, Nadi, Fiji Isalnds Tel: +679-6728166 Fax: +679-6721415 admin@skydivefiji.com.fj www.skydivefiji.com.fj ‘Incredible views of Fiji’s Islands and Reefs; Beach or Resort landings’

SCUBA DIVING AUSTRALIA

THE SCUBA CENTRE Port Douglas-Cairns-Airlie Beach 230 Sugarloaf Rd. Whitsunday Tel: 07 4946 1067 whitscub@gmail.com www.scubacentre.com.au Coral Sea - Cairns - and Whitsunday Islands Dive live aboards. PADI dive courses and HMAS Brisbane wreck dive. NINGALOO WHALE SHARK AND DIVE CENTRE Located inside reception at the Exmouth Cape Holiday Park: 3 Truscott Street, Exmouth. Western Australia FREECALL: 1800 224 060 www.ningaloowhalesharkndive.com.au

SUNLOVER REEF CRUISES, CAIRNS

Reef Fleet Terminal, Tenancy 3, 1 Spence Street Cairns, QLD 4870, Australia Australia Freecall: 1800 810 512 International Telephone: +61 7 4050 1333 Availability and Rates: sunlovercruises.bookconfirm.com res@sunlover.com.au www.oceanhotels.com.au

FIJI

SUBSURFACE FIJI ADVENTURE DIVING AND WATERSPORTS Beachcomber, Treasure, Malolo, Walu Beach, Funky Fish and Musket Cove Island Resorts Tel: +679 6666 738 info@subsurfacefiji.com www.subsurfacefiji.com Fiji’s multi award winning Dive and Watersports Company. Enjoy HALF PRICE on all diving and PADI dive courses during February and March at Beachcomber and Treasure Island Resorts.

TOURS/ ADVENTURES AUSTRALIA

YOUNG TRAVELLERS TOURS MELBOURNE Ph - 0488 002 212 www.yttours.com Fun original tours along the Great Ocean Road and Phillip Island! One day tour from $90 SEALINK 440 King William Street Adelaide SA 5000 Ph: 08 8202 8678 bookings@kiadventuretours.com.au www.sealink.com.au

BBM-600 // ACCOMMODATION GUIDE

OCEAN SAFARI CAPE TRIBULATION The Boardwalk Café, Cape Tribulation Rd, Cape Tribulation Tel: 07 4098 0006 Fax: 07 4098 0195 oceansafari@westnet.com.au www.oceansafari.com.au

The Great Barrier Reef in just 25 minutes, join our half day Eco Tour for an exhilarating ride of your life and two hours of pristine snorkelling at Mackay and Undine reefs.

GOING SOUTH

Four days, two famous Aussie icons, one awesome tour Ph: 1800 009 858 www.goinsouth.com.au

RAFTING

AUSTRALIA

OCEAN RAFTING WHITSUNDAYS The Jetty, Coral Sea Resort, Airlie Beach Tel: 07 4946 6848 Fax: 07 4946 1488 oceanrafting@airlie.net.au www.oceanrafting.com.au

Each Ocean Rafting day includes a visit to Whitehaven Beach, pristine snorkelling reefs and stunning national park Island walks. Whitsunday Adventure Tourism Winner 2008 and Eco accredited

MULGAS ADVENTURE 4 Traeger Avenue Alice Springs, NT, 0871 Ph: 1800 359 089 www.mulgas.com.au

HOT AIRBALLOONING AUSTRALIA

MARINE CHARTERS AUSTRALIA

ADVENTURE BAY CHARTERS 2 Jubilee Drive Port Lincoln, SA, 5606 Ph: 04 8842 8862 info@adventurebaycharters.com.au www.adventurebaycharters.com.au KANGAROO ISLAND MARINE CHARTERS 9 Chapman Terrace, Kingscote, Kangaroo Island, SA Ph: 0427 315 286 Fax: 08 8553 0016 www.kimarineadventures.com

KAYAKING AUSTRALIA

ADVENTURE KAYAKING 7 Hastings Street, Glenelg South, SA Ph: (08) 8295 8812 bookings@adventurekayak.com.au www.adventurekayak.com.au

SAILING

AUSTRALIA

ADVENTURE KAYAKING Marina Pier, Holdfast Shores Marina Glenelg SA 5045 Ph: 0412 811 838 Fax: (08) 8353 0750 info@dolphinboat.com.au www.dolphinboat.com.au

BIKE RIDING AUSTRALIA

BALLOON SUNRISE PO Box 229 Yarra Glen 3775 Tel: 9730 2422 or Freecall 1800 HOTAIR (1800 468 247) info@hotairballooning.com.au www.hotairballooning.com .au

ESCAPE GOAT Adelaide, SA Ph: 08 8121 8112 0422 916289 info@escapegoat.com.au www.escapegoat.com.au

STAND UP PADDLE SURFING

JET BOATING

AUSTRALIA

STAND UP PADDLE SURFING 3 Graham Colyer Drive, Agnes Water - QLD Ph: 07 4974 7874 / 07 4962 0210 Mobile: 0422 806 235 info@1770sup.com.au www.1770sup.com.au

KITE SURFING AUSTRALIA

KITESURF 1770 / IKO CER TIFIED KITEBOARDING SCHOOL/CENTRE 3 Graham Colyer Drive, Agnes Water - QLD Ph: 07 4974 7874 / 07 4962 0210 Mobile: 0422 806 235 info@kitesurf1770.com.au www.kitesurf1770.com.au KITE REPUBLIC Shop: 10-18 Jacka Blvd. St.Kilda Sea Baths Complex, St.Kilda 3182 Melbourne, VIC Ph:(03) 95370644 Mob: +61 418583233 info@kiterepublic.com.au www.kiterepublic.com.au

NEW ZEALAND SHOTOVER JET

The World’s Most Exciting Jet Boat Ride, and the only company permitted to operate in the spectacular Shotover River Canyons.

Shotover Jet Beach, Gorge Road Arthurs Point, Queenstown, New Zealand Free Phone (NZ only): 0800 SHOTOVER Phone: +64 3 442 8570 Fax: +64 3 442 7467 reservations@shotoverjet.co.nz www.shotoverjet.com

ROLLERBLADING AUSTRALIA

SURFING AUSTRALIA

SURF CAMP AUSTRALIA 235 CLARENCE ST, SYDNEY PH: (02) 9262 1757 www.surfcamp.com.au SURFING AUSTRALIA NATIONAL SURFSCHOOL NETWORK Tel: 07 5599 3800 Chris@surfingaustralia.com http://www.surfingaustralia.com Come surfing with the original surfschool network in Australia…safety and fun in the one experience

MOJOSURF 2/9 Marvel Street Ph: 02 6639 5100 reservations@mojosurf.com http://mojosurf.com Living the dream… SANCTUARY SURFERS 201 Waymouth Street Adelaide South Australia 5000 Ph: 0403 134 478 luke.j.d@gmail.com www.sanctuary.net.au SURFSHACK IS AN ACCREDITED SURF SCHOOL Lessons from $50 for 2 hours Lake Entrance Surf Shack 507 Esplanade Ph: 03 5155 4933 Mallacoota Surf Shack 41 Maurice Avenue Ph: 03 5158 0909 www.surfshack.com.au

JUNGLE SURFING AUSTRALIA

JUNGLE SURFING CANOPY TOURS PO Box 117 Port Douglas, Queensland Ph: 07 4098 0043 info@junglesurfing.com.au www.junglesurfing.com.au

RIVER BOARDING NEW ZEALAND

MAD DOG RIVERBOARDING 37 Shotover Street Queenstown New Zealand Ph: +64 3442 7797 www.riverboarding.co.nz

SHARK EXPEDITIONS AUSTRALIA

ROLLERBLADING.COM.AU Lessons in Sydney and Melbourne Purchase lessons online www.rollerblading.com.au/british Ph: 0411872022

RODNEY FOX EXPEDITIONS 73 Ninth Avenue, Joslin, Adelaide, South Australia, 5070 Ph: (08) 8363 1788 www.rodneyfox.com.au

GLACIER GUIDING

BUNGY JUMPING

Fox Glacier Guiding 44 Main Rd, Po Box 38, Fox Glacier, New Zealand Tel: +64 3 751 0825 Freephone (NZ only): 0800 111 600 Fax: +64 3 751 0857 info@foxguides.co.nz www.foxguides.co.nz

AJ HACKETT CAIRNS Mc Gregor Road Smithfield, QLD 4878 Ph: (07) 4057 7188 Free call: 1800 622 888 (Aus only) Cairns.reception@ajhackett.com www.cairns.ajhackett.com

NEW ZEALAND

AUSTRALIA

Take a breathtaking guided trip on the West Coast’s longest and less crowded glacier amidst fascinating ice formations with NZ’s most experienced glacier guiding company. Offering a full range of trips to suit all fitness levels.

CRYSTAL BALLS

Our resident psychic, Crystal, tells you your fortune for this week are down to your knees.

Gemini It’s inevitable that you are going to get caught with your pants down.

Aries You can smell something fishy and it seems your pet cat is getting a taste of it too. But this isn’t New Zealand and we don’t condone bestiality even if you play Rugby League. Just remember the appropriate reply when your waitress asks if you wanted to “try the fish” and you should be fine.

Taurus There is something special about you that draws other people in and makes them want to be around you. It’s those massive breasts, you lucky girl. Use them while they’re useful - you won’t get free entry into clubs, a mountain of interested men and drinks ‘on the house’ when you’re sixty and those suckers

Remember, don’t piss against the wind because you’ll get wet.

Cancer You may not like what TOO you see INSENSITIVE! around you but that’s because you’re looking through foggy goggles. And because you haven’t gotten off the floor in days, so you’re living in a homemade tip. Always be sincere, even when you don’t mean it. It’s how I’ve lasted 600 issues, hun!

handy, hope you’re wearing sneakers...

Virgo You’re the kind of person who always thinks they’re getting a bad rap. But that’s because you’re favourite song is Culture Beat’s Mr Vain.

Well, now there’s a rumble in the jungle and you have the chance to prove her wrong. Have some toilet paper

Sagittarius There’s a light at the end of the tunnel. It’s the light of an approaching train so you would be wise to move your fat ass out of it’s way unless you want to be flattened.

Time to change the record.

Then again, you have been thinking about flattening your stomach for a while now...

Libra

Capricorn

Paranoid is your middle name but I can’t be held responsible for your parents’ sick joke. You might think everyone hates you but, don’t worry, it’s merely disdain. It’s not your fault you’re an ugly bastard - once again, your parents.

Leo Your mummy always told you that couldn’t follow through.

Jackpot!

Scorpio You know the old saying: the severity of the itch is proportional to the reach. You don’t? Well you will soon because you’re about to get a chronic case of genital herpes.

This is the second time that you have been scared half to death. So if my mathematics are right, technically, you’re dead. How unfortunate.

Aquarius An important question you might want to ask yourself is, how do blind people know when they are done wiping? You may have shit in your eyes but just think how lucky you are.

Pisces You’re not even worth it.

BBM-600 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM

3>11:4;A?1 backpacker MELBOURNE .com.au

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MON

4am start, worth it!

Where we stayed, amazing!

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Level 6, 228 Flinders Lane, Melbourne, VIC 3000

FREECALL: 1800 249 207 T +61 (0)3 9639 6400 F +61 (0)3 9639 6900 E greenhouse@friendlygroup.com.au

AWARDED â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;BEST BACKPACKER ACCOMMODATIONâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;

Bragging Rights

ASK CRYSTAL Dear Amber, INDEED you are wise to ask me, the all-seeing, all-knowing Crystal, for the answer to your problem.

Dear Crystal, I DON’T know what’s wrong with me. I just feel tired all the time and have been suffering from fuzzy vision and pains and cramps in my pelvic region. My hair is even starting to fall out. I’m too scared to go to the doctors. What do you think could be wrong? Amber, Cronulla

This is a tricky one but I am certain I know what is causing your ailments. Your vibrator is leaking. This isn’t commonly known but inside most electrical vibrators is a substance called kryptonite. Occasionally this leaks out of dildos (especially the green ones) and travels through your body on an electrical current.

Do you have a pressing problem that needs Crystal’s attention? If so, e-mail Crystal via. editor@what-media.com

should pass in about six months. That is, unless you have been sticking the vibrator in places I don’t recommend – then you’ve really screwed yourself.

Dear Crystal, I’M not very experienced at sex and the other night me and my missus got jiggy with it for the first time. I wore a condom but afterwards we were just mucking about and I came all over her... it went in her belly button. Is there any chance she might now be pregnant?

This can cause all sorts of problems. The symptoms

Dear Alex, NO, it is absolutely impossible. The fact that you used a condom the first time you had sex means that you and your girlfriend will be protected against disease and unwanted pregnancy for the rest of your lives. You’re clearly an intelligent boy, and although there is a slight risk of catching syphilis from contact with the belly button, this is highly unlikely. Especially if you drank a glass of orange juice and wonder around in a tight jockstrap beforehand.

Alex, Brisbane

JOKES TO READ BBM’S DAILY DOSE OF UK NEWS , VISIT BBMLIVE.COM/UK-NEWS

I went to the library and tried to borrow a book on suicide. The librarian told me; “Fuck off, you won’t bring it back.” Keith, Bedworth MOST men carry condoms in case they meet a good looking lady when they go out. I carry candy. Richard, Edgecliff I tried to make toast today using a lighter. It was dangerous, next time I’ll try using bread. Sabina, Fremantle LOOKING at the washing machine go round and round makes me feel sick. I can’t imagine how the cat feels looking out of it. Joe, Manly WHAT’S red and orange and would look good on Katie Price? Fire. Kylie, Newtown I came home to f nd a rooster, a clergyman and a chimpanzee watching a porno in the front room.

I didn’t know whether to choke the chicken, bash the bishop or spank the monkey... John, Coogee I was banging my wife on the f oor when I suddenly thought, there has to be an easier way of nailing down these loose f oorboards. Adam, Gold Coast HOW come cats are on their ninth life every time I hit them with my car? Wayne, St. Kilda I bet Paris Hilton a hundred grand that she wouldn’t be able to write a personal cheque for a million pounds without it bouncing. Easiest £900 000 I’ve ever made. Alex, Townsville WHY can’t a prostitute count to 70? Because 69 is just too big of a mouthful. Jaymes, Waterloo

BBM-600 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM

SCOREBOARD ENGLISH LEAGUES PREMIER LEAGUE Team

PlWDL+/-Pts Manchester United 29 17 9 33360 Arsenal2817653057 Manchester City2915862053 Chelsea2815672751 Tottenham Hotspur281396748 Liverpool2912611342 Bolton Wanderers2910109240 Sunderland299119-238 Everton298138037 Newcastle United299911336 Fulham297148135 Stoke City2910415-634 Aston Villa298912-1333 Blackburn Rovers299515-1232 Blackpool299515-1532 West Bromwich Albion298813-1532 Birmingham City286139-1231 West Ham United2971012-1331 Wolverhampton Wanderers298516-1529

Tables accurate as of noon Saturday, March 12th, AEST.

LEAGUE 1

CHAMPIONSHIP Team PlWDL+/-Pts Queens Park Rangers 37 20 13 Norwich City 37 18 12 71566 Swansea City37196121663 Cardiff City37188111462 Leeds United37161381161 Nottingham Forest37151571460 Burnley3615129957 Watford371511111556 Hull City37141310455 Leicester City3716714155 Reading36131581754 Millwall371411121153 Portsmouth3714914151 Bristol City3713816-647 Barnsley37121114-1047 Ipswich Town3713717-346 Doncaster Rovers37111115-1744 Derby County3712718-543 Coventry City3711917-842 Middlesbrough3611817-941 Crystal Palace3710819-2238 Scunthorpe United3710423-3334 Sheffi eld United378821-273 Preston North End3661020-2428

Team PlWDL+/-Pts Brighton and Hove Albion3421853871 Huddersfi eld Town371999196 Peterborough United36205112565 Southampton3418793261 AFC Bournemouth36171092261 Milton Keynes Dons FC3718712661 Leyton Orient34151181556 Hartlepool United3714815-1150 Carlisle United36131013249 Exeter City36131013-749 Rochdale34121210448 Charlton Athletic3413912048 Colchester United36121212-648 Oldham Athletic36111312-646 Brentford3613716-746 Sheffi eld Wednesday3512716-24 Notts County3312615-242 Tranmere Rovers3510916-939 Yeovil Town3510817-1838 Dagenham & Redbridge339915-1036 Walsall379919-1936 Plymouth Argyle3712718-1733 Swindon Town3671217-1733 Bristol Rovers368919-3233

43673

LEAGUE 2 Team PlWDL+/-Pts Chesterfi eld3720116287 Bury3617 10 92561 Wycombe Wanderers3617910860 Rotherham United361511101656 Shrewsbury Town361511101256 Gillingham37141491056 Port Vale35151010755 Torquay United361412101754 Crewe Alexandra36149131351 Stevenage Football Club361312111151 Oxford United3714815-150 Accrington Stanley3412139249 Southend United3613914248 Lincoln City3613716-1546 Aldershot Town36101511-645 Cheltenham Town36111114-1144 Bradford City3513418-1143 Macclesfi eld Town3411914-84 Northampton Town3691314-740 Hereford United34101014-1040 Morecambe36101016-1140 Burton Albion329914-836 Barnet3681018-2034 Stockport County3771119-4332

OTHER LEAGUES FRANCE Team PlWDL+/-Pts Lille OSC27141032152 Rennes2714761149 Olympique Lyon2713952148 Olympique Marseille2713951648 Paris Saint-Germain2712961345 Montpellier HSC271098-339 Saint-Etienne271089238 Girondins Bordeaux279108337 FC Lorient2710710137 Toulouse FC2711313-136 FC Sochaux2710512735 Stade Brest279810-335 OGC Nice278910-933 Valenciennes277119232 Caen278811-932 AS Nancy279513-1232 AS Monaco275148-229 AJ Auxerre275148-429 RC Lens2751012-1725 AC Arles-Avignon271917-3712

SERIE A

GERMANY PlWDL+/-Pts Borussia Dortmund Bayer Leverkusen Hannover 96 FSV Mainz 05 Bayern München 1. FC Nürnberg Hamburger SV SC Freiburg Hoffenheim Schalke 04 1. FC Köln Eintracht Frankfurt FC St.Pauli Werder Bremen VfB Stuttgart 1. FC Kaiserslautern Borussia Mönchengladbach

2519423961 2514741949 251528547 2514110943 2512671842 251168739 2511410137 2511410-237 2 5 8 9 258611-130 258512-1229 258413-1028 258413-1628 257711-1828 257414-425 256712-925 256415-2222

Team PlWDL+/-Pts AC Milan2918 8 33062 Internazionale2917662357 Napoli2917571856 Udinese2916582453 Lazio2915681051 AS Roma291478649 Juventus291199642 Fiorentina2910109440 Palermo2912413-240 Cagliari2911612139 Bologna291199-439 Genoa2910811-438 Chievo2971111-332 Catania298813-1332 Sampdoria2971012-831 Parma2961112-1329 Cesena297814-1529 Lecce297715-2028 Brescia296815-1326 Bari293818-2717

SCOTTISH PREMIER Team PlWDL+/-Pts Celtic2821434467 Rangers2721 2 43665 Heart of Midlothian2917481555 Dundee United2811107443 Kilmarnock2912611842 Motherwell2911414-737 Inverness Caledonian 299911236 Hibernian299515-1432 St. Johnstone288812-1632 Aberdeen299416-1631 St. Mirren285716-2322 Hamilton Academical292918-3315

BBM-600 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM

LA LIGA Team PlWDL+/-Pts FC Barcelona2824 3 16575 Real Madrid2822424770 Valencia CF2816661054 Villarreal CF2815671751 RCD Espanyol2814113-243 Athletic Bilbao2813312442 Atlético Madrid2811611439 Sevilla FC2811611-139 Real Sociedad2811215-835 RCD Mallorca2810513-935 Getafe CF289712-534 Osasuna288812-332 Levante UD289514-1032 Deportivo La Coruña2871011-1531 Real Zaragoza287912-1130 Racing Santander287912-1630 Sporting Gijón2861111-929 UD Almería2851112-1726 Hércules CF287516-1826 Málaga CF287516-2326

SCOREBOARD FOOTBALL RESULTS Thursday, 17 March 2011 Uefa Europa League FC Porto 2-1 CSKA Moscow Liverpool 0-0 Braga Man City 1-0 Dynamo Kiev Paris SG 1-1 Benfi c Rangers 0-1 PSV Eindhoven Spartak Moscow 3-0 Ajax Villarreal 2-1 Bayer Leverkusen Zenit St Petersburg 2-0 FC Twente International Match Argentina 4-1 Venezuela Wednesday, 16 March 2011 Uefa Champions League Chelsea 0-0 FC Copenhagen Real Madrid 3-0 Lyon Clydesdale Bank Premier League Dundee Utd 2-0 Hearts Scottish Cup Aberdeen 2-1 St Mirren Inverness CT 1-2 Celtic Scottish Football League Championship First Division Queen of South 2-0 Morton Blue Square Bet North Hinckley Utd 2-3 Eastwood Town Stalybridge 1-1 Corby Tuesday, 15 March 2011 Uefa Champions League Bayern Munich 2-3 Inter Milan Man Utd 2-1 Marseille Npower Championship Burnley 2-2 Coventry Ipswich 0-3 Watford Scunthorpe 0-3 Preston Npower League One Brentford 0-1 Huddersfi el Carlisle 1-1 Plymouth Hartlepool 0-1 Leyton Orient Rochdale 1-0 Notts County Sheff Wed 1-4 Peterborough Npower League Two Accrington Stanley 3-1 Burton Albion Bury 1-2 Torquay Crewe 1-0 Southend Macclesfi eld 1-1 Lincoln Cit Oxford Utd 1-2 Stevenage Blue Square Bet Premier Altrincham 2-1 Forest Green Cambridge Utd 0-0 Luton Crawley Town 5-2 Hayes & Yeading Kettering 4-3 Histon Southport 2-4 Barrow York 2-1 Mansfi eld Scottish Football League Championship First Division Raith Rovers 2-1 Cowdenbeath Stirling 1-1 Dunfermline Scottish Football League Championship Third Division Berwick 1-6 Albion East Stirling 1-5 Annan Athletic Blue Square Bet North Boston Utd 3-2 Alfreton Town Guiseley 2-2 Workington Nuneaton 0-0 Gloucester Redditch 1-3 Droylsden Blue Square Bet South Dartford 0-0 Eastleigh Dorchester 1-3 St Albans Woking 3-1 Hampton & Richmond Monday, 14 March 2011 Npower Championship Norwich 3-1 Bristol City Blue Square Bet North Hyde 0-3 AFC Telford Blue Square Bet South Chelmsford 2-2 Dover Havant and W 1-2 Braintree Town Sunday, 13 March 2011 The FA Cup Man City 1-0 Reading Stoke 2-1 West Ham Npower Championship Cardiff 2-2 Barnsley Clydesdale Bank Premier League Rangers 2-1 Kilmarnock Scottish Cup Dundee Utd 2-2 Motherwell The FA Carlsberg Trophy Mansfi eld 1-0 Luto Principality Building Society Welsh Premier League Neath 0-0 Port Talbot FA Women’s Premier League Blackburn Ladies 1-3 Nottm F Ladies Saturday, 12 March 2011 The FA Cup Birmingham 2-3 Bolton

Man Utd 2-0 Arsenal Npower Championship Burnley 0-3 Millwall Coventry 0-1 Hull Derby 2-1 Swansea Leeds 0-0 Ipswich Nott’m Forest 0-0 Doncaster Portsmouth 0-0 Middlesbrough QPR 2-1 Crystal Palace Scunthorpe 0-3 Leicester Watford 3-0 Sheff Utd Npower League One Bournemouth 1-3 Southampton Brighton 2-0 Tranmere Bristol Rovers 0-1 Huddersfi eld Charlton 0-1 Brentford Colchester 1-3 MK Dons Hartlepool 2-0 Plymouth Leyton Orient 1-0 Oldham Peterborough 6-0 Carlisle Rochdale 0-1 Exeter Sheff Wed 0-1 Notts County Swindon 1-1 Dag & Red Yeovil 1-1 Walsall Npower League Two Cheltenham 1-2 Aldershot Crewe 2-0 Chesterfi eld Gillingham 3-1 Accrington Stanley Hereford 1-2 Barnet Lincoln City 2-1 Southend Morecambe 0-1 Bradford Northampton 0-1 Macclesfi eld Port Vale 1-2 Oxford Utd Rotherham 0-0 Bury Stockport 0-0 Burton Albion Torquay 5-0 Shrewsbury Wycombe 0-1 Stevenage Blue Square Bet Premier AFC Wimbledon 1-2 Kidderminster Fleetwood Town 1-2 Crawley Town Forest Green 2-3 Barrow Kettering 1-2 Grimsby Newport County 2-1 Altrincham Southport 1-1 Cambridge Utd Tamworth 2-3 Hayes & Yeading Wrexham 1-1 Rushden & D’mnds York 1-0 Eastbourne Boro Scottish Cup Brechin 2-2 St Johnstone St Mirren 1-1 Aberdeen Scottish Football League Championship First Division Dundee 2-1 Queen of South Falkirk 1-2 Dunfermline Raith Rovers 0-2 Partick Thistle Scottish Football League Championship Second Division Ayr 1-0 Alloa East Fife 3-0 Forfar Scottish Football League Championship Third Division Arbroath 2-1 Berwick Elgin 2-3 Annan Athletic Montrose 0-2 Albion Queen’s Park 3-3 Stranraer The FA Carlsberg Trophy Darlington 3-2 Gateshead Blue Square Bet North Alfreton Town 6-0 Corby Boston Utd 1-0 Gloucester Eastwood Town 2-1 Redditch Guiseley 0-1 Worcester Harrogate Town 3-1 Gainsborough Nuneaton 3-0 Vauxhall Motors Solihull Moors 3-2 Hyde Stafford Rangers 2-1 Blyth Spartans Stalybridge 1-1 Hinckley Utd Workington 2-0 Droylsden Blue Square Bet South Basingstoke 2-2 Dartford Bishop’s Stortford 0-1 Eastleigh Bromley 1-1 Boreham Wood Chelmsford 4-0 Lewes Ebbsfl eet United 2-1 Havant and Farnborough 2-1 Braintree Town Hampton & Richmond 0-1 Weston-S-Mare Maidenhead Utd 0-1 Dover St Albans 2-0 Staines Town Thurrock 0-1 Woking Welling 1-2 Dorchester Scot-Ads Highland Football League Brora 1-1 Turriff United Buckie Thistle 1-3 Cove Rangers Clachnacuddin 2-2 Huntly Deveronvale 9-0 Fort William Formartine Utd 2-0 Lossiemouth Fraserburgh 3-0 Forres Mechanics Inverurie Locos 4-2 Strathspey Thistle Keith 5-2 Rothes

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FANTASY FOOTBALL $1000 IN BAR TABS UP FOR GRABS! CHECK out BBM’s fantasy league table at http:// fantasy.premierleague. com for all the latest results and standings. Table below was up to date at time of going to press.

Prizes

(in PJ O’Briens bar tabs) are: First: $400 Second: $250 Third: $150 Fourth: $100

# TEAM MANAGER GW

TOT

1 alovelycupoftea James Horrocks 35

1664

2 Dizzying Heights FC Siva Iyer 47

1630

3 Stop, Hammertime! Paul Steadman 52

1588

4 Alan’s Deep Bath jason kerley 47

1574

5 every week you dan magee 38 6 Alcohol Fc Ron f 48

1559

1519

7 Mukin Fagic Luke Gately 23

1494

8 TippytappyFC Richie Egan 41

1491

9 Holy-family ‘B’ team Pat Mustard 28

1482

10 Rootin & Tootin Oisin Coveney 42

1474

11 bobby dazzlerz tom mcelwain 27 12 Evertonian John Armitage 28 13 Arsenal Brian Harvey 51

1461 1457

1436

14 Ozzies Allstars *** James Osborne 31 15 Change Name brian o gorman 47 16 Tallulah Neil Weaver 26

1426 1425

1423

17 Insert Name Here Utd Richard Gadsby 27 18 Red Incas Mark Stansfi eld 36

1418

19 fi sty cuffs fc Marc Roche 33

1405

19 Lovely Football Team raymond doherty 35

1419

1405

New Entry Ranking Increased Ranking stayed Ranking Fell the same

WORLD SPORT ENGLAND EYE CLEAN SWEEP RUGBY UNION: England goes into this weekend’s f nal round of the RBS Six Nations, virtually assured of taking home the trophy. Currently leading on 8 points, England are two points clear of Wales in 2nd place, whilst also holding a substantial points differential. England will only give up the trophy if met with a comprehensive defeat in their clash with Ireland and if Wales rout the French at the Stade De France. England also will secure the Grand Slam, with victory over the Irish, following victories already in the tournament over the abysmal Scottish and Welsh. England may be without their captain, Mike Tindall, following his substitution at half time in last weekends match with Scotland, due to an ankle injury.

SIX NATIONS FIXTURES MARCH 18-19

SCOTLAND V ITALY IRELAND V ENGLAND FRANCE V WALES

Saturday’s game will be England’s f rst visit to the new Aviva Stadium, and it is set to be a rocking match that always seems to produce f reworks. A win for Ireland could see them f nish in 2nd place, if results elsewhere go their way. A win over England will be the huge boost to the Irish, as they look ahead to June’s Rugby World Cup in New Zealand, and it will go a long way to restoring the fan’s conf dence.

BIG WILLIE STARTS HARD RUGBY LEAGUE: Willie Mason marked his debut in the Super League for his new club, Hull KR, with a man of the match performance in their 40-22 win over Celtic Crusaders. The giant Aussie forward showed touches of class, including a one-handed off-load that sent Liam Watts over for one of seven tries. Mason, who missed the opening rounds due to Visa issues and subsequently spent time training by himself, was expected to be drastically lacking in f tness, however he dispelled this talk by being a strong performer throughout. He admitted, “My chest is hurting and I can

hardly breathe. I’m going to feel it in the morning but it’s a good feeling. I can’t wait. I was stressed all week about how things would unravel. I was thinking the night before, ‘Imagine if I only last f ve or 10 minutes’.” “But I’ve been exposed to this kind of circus before and performed so I was conf dent I’d play all right,” he said. Mason merchandise has been selling like hotcakes, and he seems to be loved by all in Hull. Maybe not the former Hull KR player and fellow Aussie, Michael Dobson, who was deregistered to accommodate Mason as one of the four overseas players the League allows.

CLOCK STOPS ON LONDON 2012 OLYMPIC GAMES: The embarrassment continues for the English as their electronic clock counting down the days to the London Olympics stopped this week in an embarrassing glitch less than a day after it was unveiled. The steel clock, made by Omega in London’s Trafalgar Square, ground to a halt at 500 days, seven hours, six minutes and 56 seconds, then began counting the wrong way before a technician arrived to repair it. An Omega spokesman said that “The Omega London 2012 countdown clock was developed

FOOTBALL: David Beckham and wife Victoria Beckham have announced that they are expecting a baby girl. Beckham said “We’re still in shock, having three boys, you kind of expect another one — so f nding out a little girl is in there is surprising. “Our three boys are happy and excited and Victoria is doing well,” he stated. The baby is due in July. Beckham is said to be excited to f nally have someone he can share clothes with.

MOTOSPORT: MotoGP Season 2011 roars into gear this weekend under lights at Qatar’s Losail Circuit. The excitement for the new season is unprecedented, following many high prof le rider changes in the off-season. The biggest news was the move of Valentino Rossi from Factory Yamaha to Ducati. Rossi, who is treated with god-like status in his home country, should f nd even more fans now that he is riding for his home countries iconic brand. Rossi’s move means that Australia’s Casey Stoner was pushed out the exit door, and the former World Champion has found his way to the Factory Respol Honda Team. Stoner has not let the move to a brand new team affect his chances, with Stoner topping the time sheets in many of the preseason test sessions.

by our experts and fully tested ahead of the launch in Trafalgar Square. We are currently looking into why this happened and expect to have the clock functioning as soon as possible.”

Reigning World Champ, Jorge Lorenzo, should again be a force and he is joined at the Yamaha Team by Ben Spies, who takes up the ride vacated by Rossi.

A spokesman for the London 2012 organisers joked: “Whilst the clock has stopped, and Omega is trying to sort it out, it does not give us additional time to stage the Games.”

Britain will also have a representative in Moto GP this season, with Craig Crutchlow making the jump into the premier class. Crutchlow will ride for Yamaha after stepping up from the World Superbike Championships.

Lets hope this problem is not indicative of recent problems in organising several major events including the 2010 World Cup and Delhi Commonwealth Games.

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FOOTBALL

VIEWS

GOONERS OUT ON THEIR ARSES SO MUCH for being men of steel. BBM were so wrong to even hope that the Gunners would f nally let their f re out of them. Instead they were gunned down, yet again, by none other than Manchester United. Maybe it is that yellow kit of theirs? Every time they seem to wear it they lose an important game embarrassingly.

what BBM knows, Arsenal do not really have much options left when it comes to goalkeepers since more than half of them are injured.

sell Cesc Fabregas while you can. It is obvious the Arsenal captain cannot play against his childhood club Barcelona and the rest of the time he is injured.

In three weeks the Gunners went from chasing four trophies to be left with one. Even Chelsea is in the running for more, the same team that spent £50 million on a striker that is yet to score.

Let him go to Barcelona, he’s already assisted them in scoring a goal while not being part of the team. There are many more players out there who would make it their dream to score against Barcelona and not play for them.

If BBM were Arsene Wenger (which right now we’re glad that we’re not), we would

We should not really get into Arsenal’s goalkeeper situation, but we will. From

One thing that Arsenal do have, that many clubs don’t, is the cash. It is time to spend big and, while they are at it, off oad the players that are made out of glass. Enough is enough. Gooners are growing impatient and aren’t even sure if they should even hope for the Premiership at the end of the season. Liverpool and Chelsea have done their part, but the players need to win games too and stop explaining themselves on Twitter after every disappointment.

QUOTES OF THE WEEK “You have to feel sorry for Arsenal. They’d win every cup going if only they didn’t have to eventually meet teams that were better then them” The Daily Mirror getting stuck into the Gunners, following losses in the Champions League, FA Cup and Carling Cup ******************* “Needless to say Rooney will be up for this: he’s always on top form when there’s Fanni about” Manchester United fans having some fun at the expense of Marseille’s unfortunately named defender Rod Fanni. ******************* But Wait there’s more! “With Fanni at the back it looks like Man Utd can take advantage of the “hole” in defence” These Fanni jokes are below the belt. “Fanni was wide open then!” The Fanni jokes aren’t Fanni anymore. *childish giggle* It’s just too easy isn’t it?

- Lorna Evio

BBM-600 // WWW.BBMLIVE.COM

FOOTBALL

FEATURE

GER-MUST BE TAKING THE PISS! ONCE known for taking a piss behind his goal in the middle of a match, many football fans thought Jens Lehmann was doing exactly that when he announced a return to Arsenal during the week. Known to Gunners fans as “Crazy Jens”, following many wild outbursts and antics in his career. He lived up to the name in the 2006 / 07 season, collecting eight yellow cards, a record for a goalkeeper in a single Premier League season. The retired German, 41, who reportedly hates current Arsenal keeper Manuel

both out injured. Lehmann was at Arsenal for f ve years before leaving for Stuttgart in 2008 after continually clashing with teammate Almunia, perhaps over who had the least goalkeeping ability. Lehmann retired from the game last year.

Almunia, is needed to help solve the club’s goalkeeper crisis, with Polish pair Wojciech Szczesny and Lukasz Fabianski

In his retirement Lehmann turned to acting, something he was well known for in his career, following the many blatant dives and feigning of injury that saw him become a chief target of opposition fans jeers.

Lehmann made his f lm debut with the German / South African production Themba. He played Big John Jacobs, a football trainer and talent scout, who discovers the title character, a young and ambitious football youth, who is faced with poverty, AIDS and violence, but eventually makes his way on to the South African National Team. The movie is based on a novel by Lutz van Dijk and premiered at Berlinale 2010. It seems Lehmann f ts the criteria of recent Arsenal Goalkeepers, who fail to catch or save the ball at all.

BBM’S TOP FIVE GOLDEN OLDIES... SALVADOR REYES

PEDRO RIBIERO LIMA

Salvador Reyes played at the age of 71 with Chivas of Mexico against Pumas of Mexico on January 19, 2008. He was honoured by making the f rst kick of the game and went onto complete the f rst minute of the match before being substituted.

At the age of 58, Pedro Ribeiro Lima, scored the f rst goal of his career.

unfounded. Reports that he spent the next 7 days in hospital are as the Reyes does not hold the off cial “oldest player” record match was not being an off cial league match.

STANLEY MATTHEWS

Pedro played for A.D. Perilima, the worst club of the Paraibano championship and scored from the penalty spot with his side losing at the time 4-0 to Campinense. When the referee signalised the foul, his teammates had no doubt: Pedro had to take it. His heroics spurred his side to a 5-1 Defeat. Lima is also club owner and president, what a coincidence!

f nal game for Stoke City Stanley Matthews played his 50 years and 4 days old. was He 5. 196 6, y ruar on Feb play in England’s top He is the oldest player ever to st player ever to represent olde the and ion divis ball foot competitive game in his country. He played his f nal aging his cartilage. dam il, Braz in 70, 1985, at the age of

ROGER MILLA The oldest player to play in a World Cup was Roger Milla of Cameroon, who was 42 years and 39 days when he played against Russia in 1994, a game in which he scored, to also make him the oldest Goal scorer in World Cup history. Milla has since gone onto star in Coke’s Off cial 2010 FIFA World Cup Ad - the pinnacle for all players.

JOHN RYAN The off cial record is held by John Ryan, the owner of Doncaster Rovers Football Club. He brought himself on as substitute in the last minute of a game in 2003 aged 52 years, 11 months. Don’t go giving Roman Abramovich any ideas.

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FOOTBALL

NEWS ROUND-UP

FIRM WARNING FOR GLASGOW HEAVYWEIGHTS POLICE are to brief Old Firm players and managers ahead of the Cooperative Insurance Cup f nal on Sunday night. The Rangers and Celtic teams will speak to off cers from Strathclyde police before the match at Hampden Park. The announcement was made following a meeting of a Joint Action Group set up after last week’s Old Firm summit. The meeting in Edinburgh followed an ill-tempered Scottish Cup clash between the two clubs on March 2. Thirty-four supporters were arrested at Celtic Park and three Rangers players were red-carded, while management duo Neil Lennon and Ally McCoist were involved in an angry confrontation. Away from the stadium, police f gures show that violent crime and disorder often more than doubles on days when Old Firm matches are played. Fulham football club chairman Mohammed al-Fayed has said he is fully committed to bankrolling the Premier League side, despite posting a £16.9m loss for the last f nancial year. Reaching last season’s Europa League f nal helped the London side bring in additional revenues of

£12.5m. But annual losses rose by £10m, mainly due to higher wages and new contracts. He is thought to have provided about £160m in funding to the west London club. He said: “As is evident, I remain committed to making investment funds available.” Sir Alex McTaggart has been hit with a f ve-match touchline ban for his rant about referee Martin Atkinson. The Manchester United boss was also f ned £30,000 by the FA after his comments about Atkinson’s performance in the 2-1 defeat at Chelsea. Ferguson’s ban starts next Tuesday and means he will spend the entire month of April on the sidelines. He will be in the stands for United’s FA Cup semif nal clash against rivals Manchester City. He is also banned for the potential title showdown with Arsenal on May 1, when his absence from the dugout comes to an end. Blackburn Rovers are believed to be interested in acquiring the services of Arsenal forward Nicklas Bendtner. The Dane has made just three starts in the Premier League this term. Rovers are looking to make a £15 million move for the

THAT’S UNBELIEVABLE!

towering forward. Blackburn fans are excited at acquiring yet another striker who cannot f nish. FA disciplinary chiefs are investigating West Ham manager, Avram Grant’s comments following his club’s FA Cup quarter-f nal exit at Stoke on Sunday. Grant claimed the ref gave “everything for them” to make up for allowing Hammers striker Freddie Piquionne’s handball equaliser in the f rst half. The Israeli rapped: “Maybe this is the reason he started the second half very, very strangely. Until they scored the goal, he gave fouls and penalties, everything for them. Unfortunately for West Ham fans, whinging is the only thing it seems Grant and Alex Ferguson have in common. Charlie Adam admits Blackpool were right to keep him - but he is still likely to quit in the summer. The Seasiders captain was fuming when £8million offers from Liverpool and Tottenham were snubbed in January. Boss Ian Holloway rated the midf elder at £45m - the amount the club would lose if they go down. Adam said: “If the opportunity comes in the future to move on, I want to leave on the best note I can.”

with ace pundit Chris Kamara

“A Romanian football team is demanding a refund after having bought a player for a transfer fee of 15 kilos worth of pork sausages. Defender Marius Cioara retired a day later saying he could not face any more sausage related taunts at his expense. Cioara, who played for second division team UT Arad, was sold to fourth division Regal Hornia for the sausage meat. After the deal, a spokesman for Regal Hornia conf rmed, “We gave up the team’s sausage allowance for a week to secure him, but we are conf dent it will be worth it.” However, a day after the deal was leaked to the media, Cioara announced he was giving up football and had decided to f ee the country.

WEEKEND FIXTURES Saturday, 19 March 2011 Barclays Premier League Tottenham v West Ham Aston Villa v Wolverhampton Blackburn v Blackpool Man Utd v Bolton Stoke v Newcastle West Brom v Arsenal Wigan v Birmingham Everton v Fulham Npower Championship Sheff Utd v Leeds Barnsley v Reading Bristol City v Burnley Crystal Palace v Derby Doncaster v QPR Hull v Norwich Ipswich v Scunthorpe Leicester v Portsmouth Middlesbrough v Watford Millwall v Cardiff Preston v Coventry Swansea v Nott’m Forest Npower League One Brentford v Leyton Orient Carlisle v Bournemouth Dag & Red v Charlton Exeter v Yeovil Huddersf eld v Swindon Notts County v Bristol Rovers Oldham v Brighton Plymouth v Rochdale Tranmere v Colchester Walsall v Hartlepool Southampton v Sheff Wed Npower League Two Accrington Stanley v Port Vale Aldershot v Stockport Barnet v Morecambe Bradford v Northampton Burton Albion v Gillingham Bury v Cheltenham Macclesf eld v Torquay Oxford Utd v Crewe Shrewsbury v Wycombe Stevenage v Lincoln City Clydesdale Bank Premier League Kilmarnock v Motherwell Dundee Utd v Inverness CT Hamilton v St Johnstone Hearts v St Mirren, Sunday, 20 March 2011 Barclays Premier League Sunderland v Liverpool Chelsea v Man City Co-Operative Insurance Cup Final Celtic v Rangers

Unbelievable Jeff!” 88

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SPORT GUIDE

Contents PAGE 88 Football News: Mohammed al-Fayed is plugging Fulham’s holes.

PAGE 86 Football Feature: BBM’s Golden Oldies

PAGE 84 Football View: With Lorna Evio PAGE 82 World Sport: Hull enjoy playing with the big Willie. PAGES 78 & 80 Scoreboard: All the latest football results and tables

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