British Balls Mag Summer 2019/20

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AUSTRALIA’S NO.1 MAG FOR WORKNG HOLIDAY MAKERS & EXPATS

MEET THE TEAM Editor Tom Shakir tom.shakir@bbmlive.com Music Writers Walter Juan Frankie Salt Hannah Shakir Paraic Walker Jamie Ferguson

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DEDICATED TO WORKING HOLIDAY MAKERS THAT LOVE TRAVEL, MUSIC, SPORTS AND BANTER

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Travel Writers & Contributors Katie Howe Kate Moxhay Kym Darragh Lanelle Hills Dominic Ginley Hine Welcome To Travel Ratpack Travel Backpackers Banter Mulgas Adventures The Rock Tour Adventure Tours Australia

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HARBOUR PARTY NYE SYDNEY

Let Hot Dub Time Machine and Example help you celebrate NYE with a view at Sydney’s Harbour Party New Years Eve in Sydney is an occasion that has to be seen to be believed, and what better spot to see it than Sydney Harbour. Along with the exceptional view of the fireworks display you’ll need some entertainment and this year’s Harbour Party has produced a stellar line-up of acts to see you into 2020. Top of the bill is Tom Loud, better known as Hot Dub Time Machine. As a Sydneysider he’ll be bringing his ‘dance through the decades’ audio-video extravaganza home so expect a set that would please even the most eclectic of tastes. From 60s rock melting into 70s funk and disco, 80s cheese delving towards 90s house and grunge, a splash of noughties electro then even some chart hits from the 2010’s. Along with the unforgettable fireworks display, Harbour Party has the acts to get you dancing into the New Year. When: December 31st 2019 Tickets: harbourparty.com

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NEW YEARS

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If you want to extend your NYE then indulge yourself at Let Them Eat Cake in Werribee Park Celebrate hedonism and indulge yourself in the eighth edition of Let Them Eat Cake on New Years Day. The one day event screams indulgence with adventurous stages set in the lush, spacious grounds of Werribee Park Mansion Grounds. The line-up is suitably impressive with a host of electro stars to enjoy amongst the beautifully manicured landscaped gardens, lakes and garden beds. Top of the bill is the renowned Berlin based DJ and producer, Cinthie, who will bring her classic and contemporary take on house and techno sounds. When not gigging across the globe, she’s also responsible for some of the most sought-after deep house records going as the creative brain behind the Beste Modus, Beste Freunde, we_r house, 803 Crystal Grooves and Unison Wax labels. Glaswegian Denis Sulta might be the next big thing in House with his vivacious, uplifting and melodic sets which still maintains underground vibes. Then there’s HAAi, the Australian born London based DJ who has won BBC Radio 1’s Essential Mix of the Year and currently has a monthly slot on the radio station. She’s also won over crowds at Glastonbury and Sonar Festival with her eclectic selections of intricate, detailed tracks, percussive elements and heavy basslines, not to be missed. Harvey Sutherland has been described as many things, including “Like Arthur Russell wearing John Oates’s moustache while making love to Cat Stevens circa Izitso”. The Australian DJ, producer and folk synthesist hails from Melbourne and has his influences set in soul, disco and funk. Then there’s Honey Dijon who will impress with her forward-thinking brazen style resulting in cross-genre sets of Chicago house and classic New York sounds with almost guaranteed results on the dancefloor. As one of the premier New Years Day electro festivals in Australia you may want to scale down your NYE to fully enjoy the boutique extravaganza. Tickets are still available at letthemeatcakenyd.com.au

HOLD UP! Hot Dub Time Machine and Example help you celebrate NYE with a view at Sydney’s Harbour Party

Let Seb Zito and Lamache help you ring in the New Year on the rooftop terrace of the MCA Sydney!

New Years Eve in Sydney is an occasion that has to be seen to be believed, and what better spot to see it than Sydney Harbour. Along with the exceptional view of the fireworks display you’ll need some entertainment and this year’s Harbour Party has produced a stellar line-up of acts to see you into 2020.

Ring in the New Year on the rooftop terraces of the Museum of Contemporary Art in Sydney as Gorgeous Presents NYE 2020 with an uninterrupted view of the world famous fireworks display and two world class international DJs.

Top of the bill is Tom Loud, better known as Hot Dub Time Machine. As a Sydneysider he’ll be bringing his ‘dance through the decades’ audio-video extravaganza home so expect a set that would please even the most eclectic of tastes. From 60s rock melting into 70s funk and disco, 80s cheese delving towards 90s house and grunge, a splash of noughties electro then even some chart hits from the 2010’s.

Seb Zito has evolved and absorbed underground music to the point where he now represents the very best of house and techno. The DJ is a true raver himself and since establishing himself as a resident at Fuse London he has played at some of the world’s most renowned clubs. Seb has a natural affinity with the dancefloor, an intelligent style which still features echoes of a rawer sound which he deploys to devastating effect. The result? An unforgettable connection with his audience taking them deep into his own sound and space.

Supporting on the night is a potential headliner in his own right, Example. With a career that spans three top ten albums his choice cuts include Changed the Way You Kiss Me, Stay Awake, Show Me How To Love, Kickstarts and All Night. Along with the unforgettable fireworks display, Harbour Party has the acts to get you dancing into the New Year. Tickets available at harbourparty.com

Head to bbmlive.com for more NYE & Festival news and interviews 6

Lamache is a former member of the Toi Toi Musik Collective (London) and has developed his musical genius across Europe’s major capitals. First Paris, then London, Lamache was inspired by artists he now inspires himself in the thriving underground electronic music scene. His newest project has led him to Berlin where his focus remains on growing his potential in the studio and concentrating on developing his label; Discobar. Now you can see for yourself why Seb Zito and Lamache are major stars when they help you celebrate NYE in style at the MCA in Sydney. Tickets available at ticketbooth.com.au


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JOKES

BALLSY BANTER A father and son are watching TV together when a sex scene comes on. “Well son, time for bed now” the father says. “But Dad, I’m 15 now” the son complains. The father replies “I don’t care how old you are you are not watching me masturbate.” Jordan, Paddington What did one butt cheek say to the other? Together, we can stop this shit. Patrick, Darlinghurst My wife was sitting on the sofa last night reading a book called, “100 ways to please your man.” I said, “Don’t bother reading any of that nonsense, you only need to do two things for me and I’ll be the happiest man ever. She smiled and said, “Aww, what’s that then?” I said, “Pack your bags and fuck off.” Tim, Surry Hills I got fired from the pet shop today for punching air holes in a cardboard box with a screwdriver. Apparently, you’re supposed to do it before you put the rabbit in. Rob, St Kilda I love cooking children and dogs. but I hate using commas. Sarah, Fitzroy What should you do if you come across an elephant? Apologize and wipe it off. Siobhan, Northbridge Apparently Americans pray before every meal. Even Muslims only pray five times a day! Gary, Fremantle What do you call an incestuous nephew? An aunt-eater. Barry, Bondi I haven’t spoken to my wife for 5 weeks. I really don’t like interrupting her. Terry, Kings Cross My mate asked me the other day, if my new puppy was house trained

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yet. I said “Yes, he can already tell the difference between Daft Punk, 808 State and Phuture”. Joe, Cottesloe How is life like toilet paper? You’re either on a roll or taking shit from someone. Glen, Perth What’s grey, square, sits and the end of your bed and takes the piss? Kidney dialysis machine. Terry, Fremantle Just read in the paper that ‘Rape Threat Man’ has been put on the sex offenders list. How someone with a name like that slipped through the net in the first place is beyond me. Barry, Kings Cross Man: Excuse me, madam, can I smell your vagina? Woman: No you most certainly cannot. Man: Well perhaps it’s your feet then? Trent, Manly I made love to a woman against her will last night. I have a fetish for legal documents. Richard, Balmoral What’s the difference between a Woman and KFC? Nothing. When you’re finished with the leg and the breast, you still have a greasy box to stick your bone into. Milton, St Kilda Ben Affleck goes to the doctors and says, “Doctor doctor, every time I look in the mirror I get aroused.” The doctor replies, “I’m not surprised...you’re a c*nt.” Tessa, Cotteslo

Submit your jokes and best banter to us along with your name and email to competition@bbmlive.com


FROM 8PM

DJ FROM 10.30PM

FREE POOL & GAMES

TURF

WEDNESDAYS $10 COCKTAILS 8-10PM $7 BEER & BASICS OF THE WEEK* 9PM-CLOSE $10 PIZZAS 9-10PM

131 QUEEN ST MELBOURNE

TURFBAR.COM.AU *CONDITIONS APPLY

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SYDNEY

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Sydney’s the place to be this summer!

Russell Brand Recovery Live Touring Feb/ March 2020 Photo credit © All Hands Brewing House

SYDNEY CBD

ROOFTOP BARS

SURRY HILLS

PJ O’Brien’s Cnr King St & York pjobriens.com.au

Hotel Sweeneys 236 Clarence facebook.com/hotelsweeneys

The Bat & Ball Hotel 495 Cleveland St parksidebar.com.au

The Palace Hotel Address Website

Republic / Taylors Rooftop 69-73 Pitt Street republichotel.com

Strawberry Hills Hotel 453 Elizabeth St strawberryhillshotel.com.au

Paragon Hotel 1 Loftus Street hotelparagon.com.au

Sweethearts Rooftop Level 3/ 33-35 Darlinghurst Rd pottspointhotel.com

Porterhouse Hotel 233 Riley Street porterhouse.com.au

Duke Of Clarence Laneway 152, 156 Clarence St thedukeofclarence.com

The Ivy Pool Club 330 George St merivale.com/venues/poolclub

The Horse 381 Crown St thehorsesurryhills.com.au

The Opera Bar Sydney Opera House operabar.com.au

Quarrymans Hotel 214-216 Harris St quarrymans.com.au

Sydney Brewery 28 Albion Street sydneybrewery.com/surry-hills

Frankie’s Pizza 50 Hunter Street frankiespizzabytheslice.com

Old Mates Place Level 4/199 Clarence St oldmates.sydey

Bar Cleveland 433 Cleveland Street barcleveland.com.au

Cargo Bar 52-60 The Promenade, King Street Wharf cargobar.com.au

Darlo Bar 306 Liverpool St darlobar.com.au

The Cricketers Arms Hotel 106 Fitzroy St cricketersarmshotel.com.au

Glenmore Rooftop 96 Cumberland St theglenmore.com.au

The Taphouse 122 Flinders St taphousedarlo.com.au

The Albion Place Hotel 531 George Street albionplacehotel.com

Address

Ravesis 118 Campbell Parade, Bondi Beach

Clovelly Hotel 381 Clovelly Rd, Clovelly

Marouboro Cnr Clarence &

Bondi Icebergs Club 1 Notts Ave, Bondi Beach

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All Hands Brewing House 22 The Promenade, Sydney

The Ivy Pool Club 330 George Street, Sydney, CBD Chinese Laundry 111 Sussex Street, Sydney CBD The Metro Theatre 624 George St, Sydney CBD Pyrmont Bridge Hotel 96 Union Street, Pyrmont Home Night Club - S.A.S.H. By Night 101/1-5 Wheat Rd, Darling Harbour Oxford Arts Factory 38-46 Oxford Street, Darlinghurst Jazushi 145 Devonshire Street, Surry Hills Club 77 77 Williams St, Darlinghurst Beach Road Hotel 71 Beach Road, Bondi Beach

199 Enmore Road, Enmore

Coogee Bay Hotel Coogee Beach

Watsons Bay Hotel 1 Military Rd, Watsons Bay

The Argyle The Rocks, Sydney CBD

The Sly Fox

Bucket List Bondi Pavillion, Bondi Beach

North Bondi RSL 118 - 120 Ramsgate Ave, North Bondi

LIVE MUSIC & CLUBS

Selinas Coogee Bay Hotel

DRINKS BY THE WATER...

Manly Wharf Hotel Esplanade, Manly Beach

Photo credit © Steve Ullathorne

Soda Factory 16 Wentworth Avenue, Surry Hills The Lansdown Hotel 2-6 City Road, Chippendale The Factory Theatre 105 Victoria Road, Marrickville The Vanguard 42 King Street, Newtown



SYDNEY

British Pub Favourites Cheap Eats & Proper Pubs There are many quirky, new and not so new places in Sydney dishing out some amazing food for an affordable price. Check out our essenyial guide to Cheap Eats in Sydney you have to try this month. This month, we sourced some super satisfying feasts which you can score for under $10. Stretch your dollars to the maximum good people.

Palace Hotel, Haymarket Sydney

730-742 George Street, Haymarket, Sydney The Palace Hotel kicks off the week with $5 Fish n Chips Mondays with$5 Corono Bottles. Monday to Friday lunch deals are just $15 and every night they offer a late menu from bites ranging from $9 to $15. Located toward the Central Station end of George Street near Paddy’s Market, The Palace is a great spot to grab a cheap eat and drink everyday of the week.

Belles Hot Chicken

7 Steam Mill Lane, Haymarket, Sydney Founder of the Belles Hot Chicken franchise knows one thing and that is the secret of incorporating southern spices of Nashville to creating its signature crunchy coating. If you like chicken and hot sauce, here’s a place with cheap meal options. For nine bucks you can get a chicken burger and a filling mac and cheese. The sides and sandwiches are all inspired from the deep south of the USA and guaranteed to make for a filling and affordable meal.

Bat and Ball Hotel, Redfern, Sydney 495 Cleveland Street, Redfern, Sydney

Another one of our favourite expat hangouts, The Bat and Ball Hotel is a great local hangout for mid week eats and drinks with lunch menu’s from just $12. Monday Night’s worth a visit with 1kg Hot Wing Buckets for just $10! YUM! Tuesday and throughout the week they have daily dinner deals with food from just $11.90. Why would you eat at home?

Royal Stacks, Chatswood

level 3/1 Anderson St, Chatswood NSW 2067, Enjoy American style burgers with lots of meat and cheese at the Royal Stacks in Chatswood. A single stack with a patty, tomato, lettuce, cheddar and delectable sauces will cost you $9.90. They’ve also got some mouthwatering custard that comes highly recommended.

Dutch Smuggler, CBD

Address: 200 George St, Sydney NSW 2000, Australia Dutch Smuggler is a small coffee spot tucked away in an architectural setting down a flight of stairs behind a busy office block. Enjoy a delicious mi-goreng toastie, with gorgeous noodles and a fried egg between slices of toast, for $9.50.

El Topo, Bondi

500 Oxford St, Bondi Junction NSW 2022, Australia For hungry travellers looking for fabulous Mexican tacos and quesadillas, El Topo in Bondi is the place to be. Try the delicious Baja fish tacos with habanero mayo from just $6. For vego’s they’ve also got vegetarian and gluten-free options.

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Pub life in Sydney is pretty exciting and since the recent opening of the Duke Of Clarence, the British inspired pubs scene is moving to new heights of popularity. The bar and hospitality scene in Sydney is quite unique but it seems British themed pubs are a big thing now, and we are bloody impressed with the offerings. A night or day of exploration of local watering holes would not be complete without the opportunity to indulge in the ambiance of some good old British pubs, accompanied with a pint of good Ol’ Speckled Hen or a cool crisp London Pride. Sydney, we are happy campers. But the publicans are not stopping there, oh no, no, no! With British pubs comes our favourite… The Traditional Sunday Roast. And we can vouch that these are now serious contenders for the best of the British. Sydney you are doing us expats proud and we’re here to support you in showcasing our typically boozy heritage. Now the next challenge is getting the Premier League to start playing live during the day and we’re all set. Blighty has nearly fully emigrated to Down Under. Read on for our list of the best British inspired pubs in Sydney that are expats didn’t want you to know about.

The Lord Dudley, Paddington

236 Jersey Rd, Paddington NSW 2021, Australia www.lorddudley.com.au The Lord Dudley is an endearing establishment close to the hearts of many Sydney residents, and the sentiments attached with Lord Dudley go quite deep. While it suffices to say it is one of the most beloved pubs, it’s also the oldest in Sydney. Celebrating very traditional English pub fare, the Sunday roast and the typical British pies are not to be passed up. Aside from its old world charm The Lord Dudley also boasts of a modernistic restaurant. It’s chic ‘Garden Restaurant’ located on the lower floor of the pub is the latest offering to its loyal following. The pub’s reputation for flavourful meals prepared well is said to be the catalyst for the ‘Garden restaurant’ where its loyal clientele can savour more flavours from this local favourite.

The Duke of Clarence, Sydney CDB

152/156 Clarence St, Sydney NSW 2000, Australia thedukeofclarence.com Situated along Clarence Street, this modern day pub has been kitted up to resemble a quaint old English tavern. With more than four hundred different types of spirits from various regions of the British isles this pub also boasts of some really unique cask ale options. With building materials for the pub sourced from old warehouses, British pubs and even churches, the Duke knows how to pull a Guinness just right. The menu comprises all the essential British pub staples. The potted crab, scotch egg and fish finger sandwiches are a favourite among the regulars. Aside from this diners will also find the parsley salad with roasted bone marrow and sourdough an interesting combination for the more adventurous.

The Lord Nelson, The Rocks

19 Kent St, The Rocks, Sydney, NSW 2000, Australia www.lordnelsonbrewery.com Considered the oldest pub come brewery in Australia, the Lord Nelson has produced numerous beers and handcrafted many ales that have gone on to win international acclaim. Furthermore, it serves up more than 300 varieties of wines. Whether it’s lunch or dinner, the atmosphere is always pleasant and laid back at Lord Nelson. From a Ploughman’s Lunch to a delicious Pork Pie the dishes range from snack to hearty main meals. The Lord Nelson Brewery also offers accommodation steeped in typical old world colonial grandeur. However, the rooms are equipped with modern amenities. The restaurant on the ground floor is renowned for its eclectic food and its diverse list of wines.


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MELBOURNE

Melbourne Eats & Beats Lentil As Anything With its melting pot of cultures, Melbourne is renowned for its dining scene. At St Kilda’s Lentil As Anything you can experience a unique way of dining as you “pay what you feel” for your meal. This vegetarian restaurant aims to provide tasty and nutritious meals where money is not the primary concern. So if you are on a budget, you will definitely want to give this place a go!

Acland Street Fellow instagrammers, we know your love for snapping your cafe fare, so if you are looking for a nice place to chill and take beautiful pictures with your friends, head down to Acland Street. This area is popular among backpackers as well as locals due to its vibrant cafe culture. So make sure you head here for all your avocado and coffee needs.

Albert Park Spend a Saturday afternoon strolling around this local beauty which is filled with a number of facilities including; a public golf course, a 5 km walking track around the lake, and the Melbourne Grand Prix Circuit. A great source of free entertainment in times of budgeting.

St. Kilda Beach Want a hub full filled with activities? Check out St. Kilda Beach that accommodates walkers, joggers and rollerbladers on the foreshore and kitesurfers, windsurfers and all-weather swimmers in the waters.

Luna Park A historic theme park has been the place for fun in St. Kilda for over a century! The entrance is free but you pay for the rides that you want to go on. If you’re an adrenaline junkie, you will absolutely love this place, and check their website out for some “unlimited ride passes” to save a few bucks!

Bike Share on the Esplanade Enjoy the streets of St. Kilda in an efficient way by hiring a bike. There’s no need to worry, as docking stations are everywhere, with various subscriptions - whether it’s daily use at $2.90 or weekly at $8 - you really can’t go wrong! It’s way cheaper than taking a tram, and you’re exercising! Winner!

St. Kilda Festival Don’t miss some great acts and music at the St. Kilda Festival showcasing some of Australia’s best acts in Music and Dance. With around 400,000 people in attendance and festivities including extreme sports, visual arts, comedy, dance classes, family activities and workshops.

St. Kilda Botanical Gardens Located just between St. Kilda Road and St. Kilda, the botanical garden provides fun activities such as scoping for wildlife, greenhouses and plenty of grass verges for picnics.

Little Penguins Discover the colony swimming and waddling around their nests. Make the most of the amazing views (and photos) of Melbourne city before sunset.

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The musical culture in Melbourne is eclectic to say the least. Here travellers could stumble out of a jazz gig and into a techno heavy warehouse party in minutes owing to the proximity of Music Venues Melbourne has to offer. If you are scouting out live music gigs while planning your itinerary of the Victorian state then read our short guide to become better acquainted with our selection below.

The Gasometer Hotel

Address: 484 Smith St, Collingwood, Melbourne, Australia www.facebook.com/TheGasometerHotel/ Situated in the Collingwood area which may appear a bit obscure but certainly never boring, the Gasometer Hotel has emerged as a pretty unique music venue. The real attraction at the ‘Gaso’ is its rooftop which permits visitors to get on with their disco moves beneath the stars. The venue hosts a variety of themed music nights from folk, reggae and techno. In addition, the food is pretty decent and makes for an awesome evening.

Howler

Address : 7-11 Dawson St, Brunswick, Melbourne, Australia +61 03 9077 5572 www.facebook.com/HowlerHQ/ The Howler came into being from the remains of a neglected shed found along a train line in Brunswick Melbourne. The Howler’s start brought a new light to the community and with it a new variety of venues, the latter being the best. The bar houses a very unique setting with the band room positioned outback and the main bar area in the centre of the venue along with the DJ’s station. Howler attracts local as well as international acts and is well worth dropping by.

Evelyn Hotel

Address: 351 Brunswick St, Fitzroy, Melbourne, Australia www.facebook.com/TheEvelynNYC/ Another music venue in the Brunswick community is the Evelyn Hotel. While there are many venues in the vicinity, this one certainly stands out. The hotel frequently promotes residencies for local groups and acts in a bid to showcase the amazing local talent. The genre of music is usually not stayed and is geared towards house acts that appeal to the greater audience as a whole. Another great highlight of the hotel is that it features a spectacular rooftop setting in addition to its spacious band room.



COMEDY Dear Crystal, For the last four years I’ve been having a highly illicit gay love affair with a very senior Liberal politician. I don’t want to get him into trouble so let’s just call him Shmony Shmabbott. Myself and Shmony first met in the Tool Shed on Oxford Street after I accidentally stumbled over him in the toilets (he was on his knees at the time so I didn’t see him). We hit it off right away, but it was only later that night when his rainbow wig fell off during our marathon buggery session that I realised who he was. In hindsight, I should have recognised him from the Tool Shed toilets – I knew I’d seen those budgie smugglers before – but it was only now that I twigged and he begged me to keep his secret safe. I wasn’t sure what to do, but he managed to persuade me with his silver tongue –

C RY S TA L B A L L S Gemini

You win a competition to replace Dr Chris Brown as the star of TV show Bondi Vet. Unfortunately, your contract is cancelled after you perform surgery on a pet rabbit and it quickly becomes apparent that you have no medical training whatsoever. Not only does the rabbit die, you also manage to kill five gerbils, three dogs, a wombat and a cat named Mr Biggles in just one episode before TV bosses finally pull the plug.

Aries

You and a group of friends book tickets to a ‘90s nostalgia night. You spend the evening mourning Princess Diana, using dial-up internet and listening to ‘Everything I Do’ by Bryan Adams on loop.

Cancer

In a Hannah Montana meets Fight Club situation, you discover that you have a split personality who takes control of your body at night. When you think you’re asleep, what you’re actually doing is touring the world as long-tongued pop star Miley Cyrus. You can’t be tamed!

Leo

They say home is where the heart is, and so it proves when doctors discover a colony of microscopic parasites inside your aorta.

Capricorn

When Daniel Craig pulls out of the new 007 film over script issues, you become the

MELBOURNE

Comedy @ Spleen

Taurus

Dressing up as Bill Cosby for Halloween is wrong on so many levels, so don’t say I didn’t warn you when you’re viciously beaten by a bunch of offended women on the night. Ironically, as you lie in the hospital barely consciously and unable to move due to all the pain-relief drugs in your system, you are “interfered with” by a perverted doctor on the wards. Let’s just say the saline drip isn’t the only salty liquid to enter your body that night.

Libra

Convinced that World War III is imminent, you decide to become a “prepper” survivalist, and start stockpiling tins of food and camping equipment in the woods, even building a secret nuke-proof bunker in some nearby bushland in preparation for the coming Armageddon. When the bombs start to fall, you immediately bolt to your just-completed bunker and prepare to wait out the nuclear winter by living on a diet of beans and spam for the next 20 years. Unfortunately, you’re forced to adapt your plans somewhat when you discover Shane Warne is already in there. Apparently he’s been using the bunker as his own personal sex hideaway and has just said farewell to the latest anonymous leggy blonde he’s been knobbing after calling her an Uber. You spend the next two decades locked inside a small, damp cellar listening to him recount his sexual exploits, explain in detail about how he executed the ball of the century, and drone on about how popular he was with everyone in the I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here camp. After less than five minutes alone with him, you begin to envy the people whose faces melted off in the initial nuclear blast.

PERTH

comedyatspleen.com

European Bier Cafe

SYDNEY

Where: Spleen Bar Address: 41 Bourke Street, Melbourne Cost: Free Entry

When: 8:30 pm every Thurs Address: 12- Exhibition street Melbourne Cost: $13-15

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Dear Julian, I don’t know how to break this to you but I’m afraid you’re just another notch on phony Shmony’s bed post. In truth, he’s quite comfortable with his cock-hungry appetite for homosexual sex and he’s got at least another dozen blokes around town who he tells exactly the same story to. How do I know? Because he still pays me to “peg” him with a strap on every other Friday evening. That’s why his ears are the way they are.

surprise choice of movie studio bosses to become the first transgender Bond.

The Little Comedy Lounge When: 8 pm every Sat Where: Little Creatures, Fremantle Address: 40 Mews Road, Frematle, Perth Cost: $35 comedylounge.com.au

When: 8:30 pm every Mon

let’s just say his mouth isn’t just good for spouting noxious bile at minority groups. We still meet up every weekend all these years later, but he insists he’s too ashamed to come out – and overcompensates by openly campaigning against same-sex marriage. Is there anything I can do to help him come to terms with his homosexuality so we can be together as a real couple? Yours, Julian

Happy Endings Comedy Club When: 8.30 pm every Frid and Sat Where: El Rocco Address:154 Brougham St, Kings

Aquarius

They say blood is thicker than water, and so it proves when doctors discover blood in your urine during a check for kidney disease.

Scorpio

The weather is warming up and the days are getting longer, which can only mean one thing – climate change is real and the ratio of worklife balance is getting horribly skewed.

Pisces

You wake up one morning to discover you’ve become a yeti-type creature covered in hair and 7ft tall with a distinct sloping brow. Shunned by society, you become a recluse, holing yourself up in the attic of St Mary’s Cathedral in Sydney and living off a diet of pigeon droppings, pigeon eggs and fig rolls. The good news is the condition will wear off in the next eight to ten years. Huzzahs!

Sagittarius

Your attempts to lose weight through a steady routine of healthy eating and going to the gym hit a snag halfway through the month when North Korea fires nuclear missiles at America, sparking World War III. In the subsequent post-apocalyptic dystopian future, you are forced to eat carbs to survive.

Virgo

As a result of your whiskery facial hair, you are cast in the role of Rumpleteaser in the next Broadway production of Cats.

Cross, Sydney Cost: $27.50 - $30 happyendingscomedyclub.com.au The Sly Fox When: Monday’s Where: 199 Enmore Road Cost: Free Entry, Free Pizzas, Cocktails & Happy Hour 7-9pm The Comedy Lounge When: 7.30 pm every Mon Where: Cafe Lounge Address: 277 Goulburn St, Surry Hills, Sydney

Cost: $10 www.cafelounge.com.au The Comedy Store Showcase When: 7:30 pm every Thurs, Fri and Sat Where: Comedy Store Syd Address: The Entertainment Quarter, Moore Park, Sydney Cost: from $16 www.comedystore.com.au

COMEDY VENUES



T R AV E L

Why Not Bus Western Australia, Backpacker Tours Travel from Perth to Broome with various combined tour options from the Why Not Bus and the Flying Sandgroper. Enjoy significant savings when booking as one package and the flexibility of different tour lengths. Explore the Pinnacles, Kalbarri National Park, Shark Bay, Ningaloo World Heritage area, Monkey Mia Dolphins, Exmouth, Cape Range National Park, Karijini National Park and more with this one of a kind Perth to Broome tour! Become part of the Why Not Bus family! Laugh your ass off with your new friends, share funny experiences or bust out the red cups for some competitive party fun. We encourage everyone to be who they want to be! Experience true freedom hundreds of kms from the ‘Real World’!

Perth to Broome Tour Cost: $1599+($29

optional camping gear rental)

2019 Perth to Broome Tour Dates: Oct – 12th,26th (13 Day trips) Nov – 9th,23rd (13 Day trips) Dec 7th (13 Day trip)

Contact Why Not Bus

hi@whynotbus.com.au whynotbus.com.au

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Broome

The Pearl of Western Australia Endlessly sunny and with natural wonders at every turn, Broome is one of Western Australia’s premier coastal towns and the perfect place to start any journey south along this spectacular coast. Located up at the northern end of the state, Broome is perhaps best known as the gateway to the Kimberly Region but is has much more besides. Make a pit stop here as part of a hop on hop off coach journey or spend longer exploring everything the town and its surroundings have to offer. No visit to Broome is complete without a trip to Cable beach, a stunningly beautiful 22km stretch of sand and endless skies, and one of the best places to watch the sun set in a red and orange blaze of colour. Riding out at dusk on a camel is an experience not to miss. Another natural wonder is the Staircase to the Moon. This otherworldly sight occurs during March to October when the full moon rises over exposed mud flats at Roebuck Bay, creating an illusion which makes the land look like a rising staircase reaching all the way to the moon. There is nowhere else on earth where you’ll find such a spectacle. Broome has a long pearling history dating back to the late 1880’s, which is still a huge industry today. Divers came here in their droves, particularly from Japan, to do the often dangerous job of diving for pearls. The fascinating Japanese cemetery in town is the final resting place of 919 divers who died, and their colourful beach rock headstones are a testament to their bravery. The annual Shinju Matsuri (meaning “festival of the pearl” in Japanese) festival celebrates the town’s pearling identity and commemorates the lost divers. Go pearl shopping in ChinaTown and pick up a bargain – the Sunday markets in Johnny Chi Lane are a must do. Lastly, if you’re just in need of a little head space, check out the Buddha Sanctuary over at Cable Beach. This peaceful place is home to a 3 metre high crystal Buddha statue and the perfect spot for meditation and yoga. Free to enter and open 7 days a week, head here for yoga classes, calm thoughts and a friendly welcome.

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Loco Burrito

Address - 74 Todd Street Opens - Daily 11am - 9.30pm (closed Sunday) Real food, Real Fresh - 12” Wrapped goodness! Bringing you slow-cooked fast food and a lovely courtyard to relax and enjoy it. The Loco Burrito is an ideal spot for lunch in Alice Springs or the perfect place to stop by for a quick meal on the go. Loco B manages to craftily combine Tex-Mex with traditional Mexican recipes and they offer burritos, tacos and nachos made from the freshest ingredients daily. Recommendations - Speedy Gonzales - Zesty Lime Chicken with mild tomato sauce, corn salsa, guacamole and sour cream ($14.90)

The Bakery Our good pals at The Rock Tour know a few things about the outback but we’re not talking Uluru, Kata Tjuta, Mataranka Hot Springs or Kind Canyon, oh no… We’re talking the best places to eat in Alice Springs. If you do find yourself in this remote Aussie town, it’s fair to say you’ll be in need of a good feed. These scrumptiously delightful watering holes will help you with just that. If you like our recommendations when you visit remember to tag us @therocktournt

The Rock Bar

Address - 78 Todd Street Opens - Daily 12pm - 2am The Rock Bar is the #1 Backpacker Venue in town offering meal specials from $10 and daily backpacker specials. The Rock Bar is where most of you will start and end your Uluru tour experience with a frosty beer and sharing memories and stories of the outback. The bar has a great beer-garden which has recently been renovated. Have a relaxed meal in their beer garden or enjoy the sport inside on the big screens.

What’s the go?

Live music Great beer Backpacker specials Free Wifi Good vibes Recommendations - Kangaroo Steak, Veggie Delight or Chicken Parma

Address - 4/11 Todd Street Opens - 7am - 2pm The Bakery provides traditional artisan bread and pastries to Alice Springs, with a wide and ever-expanding repertoire of products including a variety of sourdoughs, artisan bread, doughnuts, French viennoiserie, gourmet pies, and sausage rolls and fantastic coffee to go with it. Recommendations - The potato, leek and chicken pea pies or the sausage rolls are superb!

Page 27

Address - 89 Todd Mall Opens 7am - 2.30pm Page 27 is hands down the #1 coffee shop in town, offering fresh coffee, well-balanced, quick and made with passion. Great place to catch up with friends for breakfast, brunch or lunch before or after your Uluru tour. They also have some lovely healthy food and drink options and lots of veggie and vegan selections to go with a great ambience. The Alice Springs coffee shop is a lovely laneway style coffee shop similar to what you might find in Melbourne. Recommendations - Veggie Burger, mushroom and cheese patty, house slaw and beetroot relish and of course, coffee. confirm deletion or destruction of this message. For more info on the Aussie outback and itinerary suggestions head to therocktour.com.au

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Finding Accommodation on Fraser Island

Fraser Island Lake McKenzie

Lake McKenzie (Aboriginal name Lake Boorangoora) is K’gari’s most popular and beautiful lake and is famous for being sacred place for indigenous people. Interestingly, the crystal clear waters were never swam in to preserve the purity of drinking water. The lake often mirrors the changing colours of the sky during sunrise and sunsets and its pristine white sand contrasting against the water is the perfect place for tranquil relaxation.

Central Station Rainforest

Wanggoolba Creek runs through the lush Central Station Rainforest inviting you to see the serene diversity of Fraser Island. This was a place for indigenous women to give birth and it sincerely requested that visitors treat it with respect. A peering evergreen canopy begs the question how such a diverse and thriving rainforest can gain enough nutrients to flourish on a bed of sand.

75-Mile Beach

With an unworldly array of colours and incredible stories, this is the setting for Fraser Island 4WD Tours! An expansive stretch of continuous 4WD beaches in Australia: Teewah, Rainbow and Fraser Island’s 75-Mile Beach are staggering in so many ways. Lining the Great Pacific Ocean, some of the most ancient coastal sand dune formations in the world protect these shores.

Champagne Pools

This is where tropical fish dance in the flotsam of breathtaking natural rock pools and are carried to their home by the frothing waves of the Pacific Ocean. The Champagne Pools are soundly protected from the sea’s immense currents making it a dream to enjoy K’gari’s bubbling salt-water Jacuzzi as the waves gently foam over the rocks.

Eli Creek

The K’gari’s underground reservoir explodes into life with the endless flow of purified water forming the incredible Eli Creek. This ever-flowing creek is the second largest on Fraser Island. Make sure you don’t miss out on the chance to take a dip and drift downstream - a perfect chance to reflect on your Australian adventures thus far.

The Maheno Shipwreck

In 1936, the iconic Maheno Shipwreck was laid to rest on K’gari’s shoreline when it was struck by an off-season cyclone. From its glory days as a luxury cruise liner to being used as target practice for the air force in WW2 it holds many fascinating stories. And as time goes by this iconic mass is slowly sinking beneath the sand, soon to be gone forever – it is worth a stop.

Indian Head

This world class viewing point was named Indian Head by Captain Cook in 1770, (Aboriginal name Tukkee) has so much to tell and offer. With striking contrasts to its mesmerising views and amazing sightings of Sharks, Turtles and Manta Rays, the 360-degree headland has many stories to share, equally as incredible as the scenery.

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Surrounding Areas of Fraser Island Most commonly, on your east coast adventure tours you will likely arrive in either Hervey Bay or Rainbow Beach the day/ evening before embarking on your Fraser Island Tours. The most popular options for accommodation in Hervey Bay and accommodation in Rainbow Beach are Hostels. This is a great way to meet those who are also taking up tours on Fraser Island and is also where Fraser Island Tour Guides will come to give you a briefing of your adventure. There is also the option to depart from Brisbane to Fraser Island and in which case there is a vast range of backpacker hostels in Brisbane to choose from.

Accommodation on Fraser Island

Within the tmost our packages there are accommodation options to choose from of which, is most usually camping. This is a uniques opportunity to experience a sensation of serene wilderness whilst kipping within its elements. An additional perk to this is the large groups of which you will be camping with for it is a great chance to meet new people, make new friends and have a few fresh ones around the campfire. Camping equipment is nearly always provided to be sure to check with the Fraser Island tour deals beforehand. There are also Wilderness Lodge on Fraser Island which may be an obvious option if you really cannot stand camping and much prefer to get your head down on a comfortable bed with nature surrounding you.

Transport Tips to Fraser Island

The best ways to get to Fraser Island whilst travelling the East Coast of Australia depends on your budget and the accommodation types you are after. One option which can eliminate much hassle is the Hop on Hop off service with Greyhound; they take you to all the main destinations, and of course Fraser Island has a solid place on that list. However, this will be an option between Hervey Bay and Rainbow Beach to be dropped off and from there the Fraser Island Tours will take you across to the Island. You may decide to depart from Brisbane but the same Greyhound hop on hop off tour deals apply, as well as being transported to the Island with tour companies. Alternatively, you may opt to rent a campervan on the East Coast Australia or a car which is a fantastic choice if you are travelling in a group as you can split costs and even save money on accommodation by camping. Although it is common that most who rent a campervan still choose hostel accomodation so they don’t miss out on the awesome social aspect of partying and meeting other travellers. You may even chose tour companies which transport you up the coast taking you through the mainland attraction before taking you onto Fraser Island. In this case accommodation deals are usually sorted directly through the company and transport is taken care of.

Choosing the Best Fraser Island Tours

The main differences between tours on Fraser Island is the duration of stay and the location you depart from to get to the Island - Brisbane, Hervey Bay, Rainbow Beach. Within the basic itineraries 4WD tours on Fraser Island is usually the main “go too”. But with all the incredible beaches on Fraser Island, a rainforest and other world class attraction, tours vary between what can be possibly experienced within the time frame you are looking to stay. Fraser Island is most definitely amongst the greatest places to travel in Australia so we strongly recommend you book yourself in for the full experience. Blasting across the sand in a 4WD and then taking a dive into the ocean, and then hiking through the rainforest whilst making new friends is most definitely why you came to Australia!



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