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WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE Hungry hippos and manly Maasai on Tanzanian safari BY NED KELLY, PHOTOS BY NOEMI CASSANELLI
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lying down the east coast of Africa, awe is inspired before airplane wheels have even touched tarmac. First, the brown rugged highlands of Ethiopia and the Rift Valley from which all humans emerged gives way to Hemingway’s Green Hills. As you pass into Tanzania, the snowcapped majesty of Kilimanjaro appears – the highest peak in Africa and the largest freestanding mountain in the world. A few minutes later and, off the coast, the blindingly white beaches of Zanzibar loom into view. A trading post since at least the 1st Century AD – producing cloves, nutmeg, cinnamon and black pepper – the island holds a couple of quirky claims to fame. As well as being the birthplace of Farrokh Bulsara, or Freddy Mercury as he would become famous as the flamboyant frontman of Queen, it was also the scene of the shortest war in history. In 1856 the Sultanate of Zanzibar had become a protectorate of the United Kingdom. The death of the pro-British Sultan on August 25, 1896 had seen the succession of Sultan Khalid bin Barghash, who
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was somewhat his own man. The British authorities preferred having a puppet in power, and sent an ultimatum to Khalid demanding that he stand down. Khalid called up his guard and barricaded himself inside his harem. Two days later, on August 27, and the British had gathered three cruisers, two gunboats, 150 marines and sailors and 900 Zanzibaris in the harbor area (the Brits really didn’t mess about when it came to their empire back in those days). The ultimatum expired at 9am, and at 9.02am a bombardment began, setting the harem on fire and disabling the defending artillery. The flag at the harem was shot down and fire ceased at 9.40am. The conflict had lasted just 38 minutes. Finally we touch down in Dar es Salaam. Meaning ‘Haven of Peace’ in Arabic, the Tanzanian capital is the most populous city in eastern Africa. Founded by Sultan Majid bin Said of Zanzibar in the 1860s, it became the administrative and commercial centre first of German East Africa, and then of Tanganyika when it was captured by the British during World War I, which saw a large influx of South Asians.
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It remains an ethnically diverse economic hub of the region, full of good restaurants and a vibrant nightlife. From Dar we board a small eight-seater aircraft to fly 30 minutes down to the Selous Game Reserve. Arcing over the mighty Fufiji River that serves as its main artery, we make our first animal sighting from the air: hippos bathing in the Fufiji’s brown waters. And it is over this fast flowing, murky river that we bob in a small tin boat 15 minutes later. On the sandy far bank is the Selous Wilderness Camp, our home for the next three nights. Before sunset there is time for a river safari. Passing an African fish eagle, we head to a high bank full of small caves in which whitefronted bee-eaters live. Popular birds these, African bees being a dangerous proposition – they have been determined to constitute part of the ancestry of the ‘killer bees’ spreading through America, and more than ten stings can prove fatal. We also pass among the reeds, where the yellow weaver makes its intricate basket nest homes. Dinner each night is a white table-clothed, al fresco affair under the stars. The soundtrack: hippopotamuses commanding their bends and banks. The biggest killer on the continent (discounting disease-carrying mosquitoes), these hippos head out of the water in the cool of the night to eat around the huts in which we sleep, so we are put at ease by the presence of our own personal guard each: Maasai warriors no less. Mine is called Sikorei, and as well as gentle eyes and a shy smile, he also has broad shoulders and a big seme, the double-edged, leaf-shaped blade that is the constant sidearm of the Maasai. It is said that a Maasai male is supposed to kill
Elephants not only use their ears for air conditioning, they drop their schlongs out of their bodies and let them swing in the breeze.
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It is said that a Maasai male is supposed to kill a lion before he is circumcised, and so attains manhood. Africa’s number one bodyguard, at our service.
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a lion before he is circumcised, and so attains manhood. Africa’s number one bodyguard, at our service. The first full day sees a safari. Our guide, Kiki – a Meru man with a big, beautiful gap-toothed grin – is a source of most interesting information. Like the fact that elephants not only use their ears for air conditioning – cooling three to five liters of blood through them in a flapping minute – but that males follow this up by exposing something else with a lot of blood vessels in it: they drop their schlongs out of their bodies and let them swing in the breeze. (You’d probably show yours off too, if it reached down past your knees…) He also tells us that the civet – a nocturnal omnivore that resembles a raccoon – has a clearly defined lavatory (called, appropriately, the civetory) which is the only place they will do their ‘business.’ With a diet of toxic millipedes, diarrhea is an issue, Kiki explains, and, once they have concluded their civetory business, they insert leaves into their rectums to stop any anal leakage during the course of a busy night’s hunting. A practical bit of forethought. (At this point, I should acknowledge that not all of Kiki’s facts were sexual or scatological, those are just the ones that stand out in my memory. Because I’m not very mature…) The biggest excitement of the day comes when we are called to help another jeep that won’t start. It turns out that it had broken down right next to a pride of lions taking their
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afternoon nap. The safari jeeps we roam the savannah in do not have doors or windows, so you imagine the people in it were not the most relaxed as they waited for our arrival. Forget dogs – let sleeping lions lie… That said, the following morning we ditch the jeep and go on a walking safari. Kiki leads, armed with a gun, while my Maasai warrior brings up the rear, along with his trusty seme. All of which is reassuring when Kiki spots snake tracks. It turns out a huge southern rock python has made itself at home in an aardvark burrow right beneath us. Later, by a watering hole, Kiki points to leg bones – a baboon femur and tibia. Leopards have a taste for baboon flesh. Nature, red in tooth and claw. And nowhere is that more true than the African bush. Our stay in Selous comes to a breathtaking end when, driving through the forest to the dusty local airstrip, a herd of some dozen elephants crash out of the trees so close that we are warned to stay deadly still. Kiki, who must have been on hundreds of safaris, afterwards says that he has never been so near to the majestic creatures. As a huge bull crosses the road right in front of us, the largest land animal in the world stops in his tracks, turns, and looks right at us as we sit frozen, with heart-pumping exhilaration. And then he disappears back into the bush and on his way. // Qu fei Zhou are a newly-launched travel company offering tailored packages to southern africa. for more information contact Kat by email at info@qufeizhou.com or call her on 159 2173 9908. a website www.qufeizhou.cn will go live in late march.
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