It's Personal! By Wendy M. Reynolds, MS/P Wendym.wordpress.com http://twitter.com/Wendymreynolds When 2015 rolled in, the first words in my heart and out of my mouth were: "Wow...2015! This year it's personal." And it has been- personal that is. The last few years have been a little rocky. Okay, a lot rocky. I've faced and handled my own personal crisis while helping others manage theirs. Life, right? It wasn't easy. But I knew I had to keep my perspective right. I knew I had to stand in faith and as I entered into 2015, I knew restoration (whether it looked like it or not) had begun. I took a lot of time to be alone and to meditate. I started treating my body better. I let go of some toxic relationships and adjusted some others. I cut out the noise of naysayers and the opinions of folks whose opinion on the matter didn't matter and I nourished my spirit and soul with the word of God, a few positive people, and uplifting music. I made the conscious decision and effort to take care of the whole self- to see myself through the eyes of God and to celebrate the amazing and incredible person I am. The lessons I learned through my experiences were being seared into me during time. I kept myself as the priority in my own life. It may sound a little selfish but trust me it isn't. There is nothing selfish about loving yourself and keeping yourself as priority. It's critical. Yeah... it's personal. As I looked back on what I have been through, my perspective has shifted. Truth be told, I have endured some losses. I lost the box that I and others tried to put me in. I lost the need to prove that I really am ok and that God is with me. I lost the need to explain myself and justify my dream and vision. I lost my Superwoman cape. I lost some one-sided relationships. I lost some guilt. I lost the obligation to always be available to people who were not available to me. I lost some emotional (and physical) weight that I've allowed myself to carry for way too long. Whew, I can finally say, "Thank God for the losses!" As I start to close out the first half of 2015, I'm embracing each moment and I'm celebrating. I feel great and I'm full of expectation. I celebrate the improvements and progress made, whether big or small. I celebrate the person God created me to be and the impact that I've made and will continue to make through the gifts, talents, and abilities God has given me. This month, instead of focusing on what goals you haven't yet obtained, make time to take inventory of your progress, your lessons, and your improvements. Write them down, whatever they may be. Take time to feel good about them- about yourself. Make it personal. Celebrate yourself. This will be both a mood and a momentum shifter as you enter into the second half of 2015. Are you ready? Let's go!
….And Move On By Myra Wallace (Exert from Beauty Come Forth Book) As women, we are emotional beings, and we tend to tie our self-worth to how others have treated us.. Believing those things is believing a lie from the enemy, not the promise from God. We are all blessed and highly favored in our own unique way. I know circumstances in life would have us to believe we are isolated incidences of offense and no one has had to endure the pain we’ve gone thru, well maybe not your exact offense, but remember, there is nothing new under the sun. You may have been molested as a little girl by someone you trusted. Perhaps a parent or some adult you looked up to, told you a lie and caused you to doubt and mistrust everyone in authority. Maybe your family struggled financially, and you took on the shame associated with that struggle. I’m sure as a child you had high hopes for your life—you had plans to be different from the surroundings that burdened your heart. Then, that seed of resentment was planted; you really thought you were over it. I mean, after all, some years have passed and you’ve been doing just fine. As a matter of fact, most people don’t know the difference. Actually, you look like you’ve done pretty well for yourself. Every once in awhile you may have those small spurts of anger or resentment popping up at the most inopportune times, but you get through them. Then you find yourself standing face-to-face with that long-haired, green-eyed girl name Mary. You know the girl who captured the attention of the first boy you had a crush on. Un-forgiveness has the ability to mask itself. It shows up in the form of bitterness, sarcasm, anger, distrust, and cynicism. Yes, certain things made you feel bad; yes, it was wrong; yes, it should never have happened, but it did, and holding on to the thought of it is not doing you any good. As a matter of fact, holding on to resentment will begin to rot inside of you. Un-forgiveness will cause you to carry around a foul, unattractive attitude. You will become suspicious of any person or thing that resembles the thing that caused you the pain and resentment in the beginning. You will find that this thing begins to grow every time you add another offense to your checklist of “they did me wrong.” Stop it. Take notice of any un-forgiveness in your life, and begin to forgive. You may find that the biggest offender is yourself. So start process of forgiving, by forgiving yourself first.
The Ultimate Healing Food Mash Up! By: Chef Barbie Flores
We're going to be hearing the word, "mash-up" for years to come. What's a mash-up anyway? A mash-up is any mixture or fusion of disparate items or similar items combined. It can be heard in two or more different songs synchronized together to make a harmonious combination and in food, we know it as a pairing. Like steak is to potatoes or peanut butter is to jelly, a mash-up is everything! In foods, there are many time-honored, eye pleasers which get paired together but what about those trendy eyebrow raisers? Who can forget the Cronut (croissant-doughnut pastry) or the Ramenritto (ramen-burrito)? Healthy or not, these are perfect examples of mash-ups. Mash-ups are everywhere! We now have trends like the smore quesadilla, the bacon layer cake, bacon wrapped hotdogs, all things bacon, bacon, bacon for example!
Speaking of trends, I love trends! Trends in music, trends in fashion, trends in shows, but first and foremost, trends in food. It's interesting to see mash-ups come into popularity but I've noticed there are more and more daring combinations popping up every day. What do you think about the Ramen Renaissance, in which ramen, which used to be the staple of "dorm life" has become thee ingredient of choice on a burger? All you need is some ramen and a protein and you're good to go. Now, there is definitely still a debate about how healthy ramen is for us, but we'll get to that in another article. So what does a great healing mash-up look like? One would guess that first, it should be chemically compatible. The nutrients in the foods should combine well together. Like most food, it should look appealing on the plate and perhaps appear to be less of an "eyebrow" raiser. No matter how trendy it is, the most important thing about a healthy mash up is that it should taste great and have some benefits.
Let's talk about mash-ups that are nutritious and actually have the synergy to heal our bodies. We now have "instant" mash-ups everywhere. One of the most innovative trends I see is the cross breeding of vegetables with each other, creating instant hybrids of the foods we eat. For example the mash up of Brussel Sprouts with Kale, who knew that Brusselkale could be so amazing? Yes, farmers are growing mash-ups for optimal health benefits and taste. So what exactly do these mash-ups or hybrids do for our body chemistry and which mash ups should we incorporate into our diets? The list is growing. Traditionally, we have simply combined foods like blueberries and oatmeal for breakfast, for example. What's in a blueberry anyway? We know that it is an antioxidant, which kills free-radicals in our cells. Blueberries contain vitamin C, vitamin K, fiber and flavonoids that fight oxidative stress in our bodies. Oxidative stress is responsible for memory loss, inflammation, heart disease, stroke and aging. When blueberries are paired with oatmeal, they pack a double punch with cholesterol fighting properties. Oatmeal can even reduce high blood pressure and the risk for type 2 diabetes, because of the soluble fiber in it. What's not to love about this delicious mash-up?
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11 Lies We Need to Stop Telling About Breakups BY KATE HAKALA
Splitting from someone you truly care about is enormously complex and unique for every person. We can all agree: Breakups are the worst. But, as one of the most universal experiences stemming from romance, it's a circumstance many of us can relate to. While lifestyle magazines may force-feed us supposedly foolproof methods for getting over a breakup (ice cream, sobbing, Tinder binges) and others may emphasize the seven "normal" phases of a breakup, the aftermath of splitting from someone you truly care about is enormously complex and unique for every person. People deal with breakups in different and much messier ways than the media would have you believe. Here are 11 lies about breakups we need to stop telling ourselves - and each other.
You Shouldn’t Dwell on It Yes, you should. A recent study from the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science found that critically thinking about and dwelling on a past relationship (preferably while eating a tub of ice cream) might actually expedite the healing process. By allowing ourselves to work out what went wrong in a relationship, researchers found that recently heartbroken people could quickly rebuild the sense of self they once had as a single person, according to the study. What's a healthy mourning period? However long it takes, but the sooner we verbalize emotions, the sooner we can leave them behind. That's how an attached "we" becomes a confident, single "I."
Men Initiate Break-Ups Most Often Wrong. It turns out that women are much more effective at initiating breakups than men. A survey Cosmopolitan reported last year found that, on average, women take about six days to decide to break up with a partner, while men agonize over the decision for about 10. That's because, according to the study, 88% percent of men are working carefully to
frame a polite "exit strategy." While there aren't a lot of stats about who dumps who in premarital breakups, past research indicates that women initiate about 66% of divorces
Rebound relationships and sex don't work.
Credit: Giphy
Actually, they do. In many cases, experts recommend using rebounds - short flings or even longer-term relationships - as a healthy way to assess yourself and what you're looking for in a new partner. A 2006 study from Princeton University found that people who enter new relationships immediately after a divorce don't have a higher future divorce rate than those who took their time getting back in the saddle. As Jennifer Nagy advises on the Huffington Post, "Enjoy a rebound relationship, which offers fun, companionship and excitement, without the long-term commitment."
Men cope with breakups better than women do. This troubling gendered myth not only paints women dealing with breakups as pathetic, but also does a disservice to men who are trying to get over the person of their dreams. A 2010 study from the Journal of Health and Social Behavior examined the effect of men's and women's relationships on their mental health and found that, "[w]hile current involvements and recent breakups are more closely associated with women's than men's mental health, support and strain in an ongoing relationship are more closely associated with men's than women's emotional well-being." In sum, men often rely on their partners, rather than friends, for emotional intimacy and personal support, and losing that support during a breakup can cause a lot of emotional distress. As Men's Health points out, "Women adjust better to the end of a relationship because they've already given consideration to the possibility of a breakup, whereas men are typically unprepared for it." But it's okay, dudes; the truth is that we all have an incredibly hard time getting over a breakup.
It’s totally cool to still follow your ex on social media. No. Unfriend and unfollow immediately. It’s really bad for you. A 2012 study conducted by Western University found that around 88% of individuals dealing with a breakup in the last 12 months have followed their ex's Facebook activity, while another study from Brunel University found that surveilling an ex on social media slows down the recovery process. If love has an effect on the brain similar to that of drugs, then it makes sense that liking every Instagram selfie your ex takes just feeds the endorphin-fueled addiction. "Continued Facebook surveillance may mean that an individual becomes stuck in a rut, unable to let go of that ex-partner," study author Tara Marshall told Mic. You don't need to go cold turkey, but use the reality of your breakup as a digital wake-up call. As online dating expert Laurie Davies tells Refinery29, "Give your timeline a reality check. Following them is fun, but it can hurt your heart … if they want to get in touch, they will."
The time it will take you to get over your relationship is equal to half of the time you spent together.
Known as "the breakup golden rule," this formula is dangerously misleading. Pop culture loves perpetuating this rule of thumb on shows like How I Met Your Mother and Sex and the City, but there's one key problem: Emotions can't be timed. A 2009 study suggests it can take up to 18 months to get over a serious relationship, and that's just a survey average. But many factors contribute to how long someone takes to heal after a breakup, such as the length of the relationship, terms of the breakup, amount of communication and future romantic opportunities. When the question was posed to the men of Reddit last year, responses ranged from 18 hours to 10 months to going on 11 years. The golden rule must be thrown out the window. ♦◊♦
If you were supposed to break up, it won’t be tough to get over. No matter who initiates a breakup, both parties will likely experience a strong emotional reaction. Those who did the dumping know that initiating the breakup doesn't necessarily mean it will be easier to get over. As Jennifer Kromberg notes in Psychology Today, "The part of our brain that governs emotional reactions doesn't care whether or not the breakup was for the best. It just knows there's been a loss. As shaped by your previous experiences of loss, the emotional center of your brain may still react negatively even when the logical part of you knows it's positive." As much as we want our reaction to breakups to be logical, we're still dealing with the messy knot that is love and loss.
Breakups are caused by the change of seasons.
"Breakup seasons" are not real, as heartbreak happens at all times of the year. The major reasons people break up aren't because "it got hot" or "it got cold." A Cosmopolitan survey of 1,400 women found that the most commonly cited reasons for a breakup were falling out of love, infidelity, lying and incessant fighting. But still the the popular myths remain - people believe others are more apt to break up as the months warm up, when more people go out or are open to summer flings, some say. Facebook data shows the opposite is true: Breakups start rising in mid-November and
peak two weeks before Christmas. They also tend to peak around Valentine's Day and spring break. These trends have less to do with the seasons themselves and are more likely in correlation with the heavy questions big holidays tend to stir up: "Am I with the right person?" "Do I want to introduce them to my family?" So, don't write off a breakup to just the beginning of tourist season or the onset of Thanksgiving. It's more likely indicative of an issue that was present long before the change in season. Or, maybe, it's just a Monday. ♌◊♌
Men do most of the cheating.
Credit: Tumbler
Stop blaming men, and look towards your genes. A new study from the University of Oxford in England explainsthere are many factors that contribute to someone cheating, and that hormonally, some of us are more likely to be promiscuous than others. The study shows that there are two different "mating" strategies - people who stray and people who stay. Factors like a long ring finger (compared to the index) may suggest someone is more likely to stray. But it's good to note that daters destined for either long term or short term partners come in all shapes, sizes and, importantly, genders.
All breakups are explicit.
Source: Elle.com
Have you ever heard of something called "ghosting?" It's a term that describes when a person just fades away without any formal breakup. The increasingly virtual nature of our dating lives has made it easy for many of us to us that sense of anonymity to avoid awkward moments like breakup talks. Surveys like the one reported in Elle show that up to 27% of women and 14% of men have been ghosted. And just because we have been ghosted doesn't mean we don't ghost people ourselves. So, no, signs of a breakup are not explicit to everyone - especially when we haven't been given a proper goodbye talk (or even a text.) In today's dating landscape, many of us might not know we've been dumped until our partner has given us a few weeks of radio silence.
With every breakup, you’re just collecting baggage. Past relationships can help inform our future ones, and are crucial for our personal and romantic development. Singles now make up the majority of the adult population in the United States. While that may mean that more potential romantic partners than ever are previously dumped or historical dumpers, it doesn't mean we have to worry about what our baggage means. Western Illinois University professor Christopher Carpenter found in a 2013 study that the more previous relationship statuses a person has on Facebook, the more "likes" and interests they display on their profile. The study indicated that the more unique interests we adopt from a partner, the more attractive or interesting we will look to future dates. So that David Bowie obsession you adopted from your college boyfriend back in 2006, the one that inadvertently attracted someone on OkCupid? Thank your ex. You couldn't have gotten here without a breakup.
Originally published on Connections.Mic
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Ignorance is NOT Bliss BY Myra Wallace
Can someone please strangle the person who said, "Ignorance is bliss"? I'd like to believe it was stated as a sarcastic metaphor. Unfortunately, there are some who actually live their lives acting as though blissful ignorance is a foundational truth. I suggest we ask that woman unaware that her husband of ten years has been cheating on her for the last five, how blissful it was to be ignorant of that truth. Or maybe the person who had their identity stolen, bank account depleted, and their credit cards charged up by thousands of dollars, how it feels to find out they've been robbed. Kind of takes the bliss out of the whole ignorant experience, doesn't it? Ignorance may not be a concept a person openly embraces, yet it is too frequently demonstrated-in conversations, actions, and the decisions we make. James Madison once stated, "Knowledge will forever govern ignorance, and a people who mean to be their own Governors, must arm themselves with the power know-ledge gives." Be encouraged when your mental capacity is stretched. In all thy getting, get an understanding. Getting an understanding may sometimes require a little effort. Contrary to popular belief, what you don't know can hurt you. Know who you are through your own experiences but be open to learn more of who you are. Because we observed the actions and traditions of our parents and grandparents, we often times find ourselves doing these same things based on tradition, instead of making an informed decision. Many women have gone to their grave standing by a tradition or superstition passed down from generation to generation, never asking herself why she does certain things a certain way, or really taking a look at the results of doing things a certain way. Why do you get so rattled about things that don't seem to bother others, while other situations don't seem to faze you? In front of every reaction is an action. If that action causes you to respond in a less than amicable way, you may need to look further into the reason why. Do not sweep it under the rug, as though it's that easy to hide. Generational curses are real, but you do not have to take them on as your truth to pass down to another generation. You can stop it now. Just because your mother had you out of wedlock does not mean you have to take that same route. Just because no one in your family before you went to college doesn't mean you aren't smart enough to go.
Do you spend time alone or by choice? Or is it by default because you were taught not to trust other women? The next time you are in a crowd, take notice of how you react to that environment, then ask yourself if your existence lines up with your perception of self and with how you wish to be perceived by others. You think you are hiding the fact that you go on eating binges to enjoy the pleasures of the food disappearing only to purge it all. This is a psychological trick of the enemy. It's called bulimia, and thousands of women do this ugly act knowing the terrible side effects of this disease. It tears the lining of your stomach, causes heart disease, and even death. Yet thousands continue to do so. How is it that everyone can see your ribcage through two layers of clothing, but when you look in the mirror, you see a woman who needs to lose 15 more pounds, grabbing at imaginary fat tissue around your stomach, exercising excessively, abusing laxatives? Anorexia is another eating disorder effecting millions of people in the United States alone. Up to 6% of our nation has succumbed to eating disorders-90% of them are women. Although the terrible side effects of these eating disorders show up in your physical body, they are also an attack of your psychological well-being. Satan came to steal kill and destroy. He will do it in whatever way he can. Beautiful lady, please don't let him take over your thoughts. To embrace the psychological side of the beautiful you, you must reacquaint yourself with that child inside you, that spirit that existed before your dreams got smeared by shadows of doubt, disappointment, fear, and denial. Go back to that healthy point of reference and locate the point in your life that hindered you. You were running so well. What hindered you? Somehow, life took a turn in another direction. It is at that juncture that you will begin to discover what makes you tick, what pushes your buttons, what drags you down, takes you over the edge, what motivates you, what inspires you. There is a cause and effect to every action-these are your trigger points. It's to your benefit to know where your healthy balance exists. Once you find it, fight to stay there long enough to make a change for the better and a new way of life. Author: Myra Wallace _________________________________________________________________________________________________
3 Things Worth Giving Up If You Want To Enjoy
Dating Success In 2015 By Lisa Copeland
1. Give Up Your Self-Defeating Attitude How many times a day do you look in the mirror and criticize yourself, saying things like, "My butt looks too big in these pants," "I should really lose ten pounds," or "My neck is awful?" I want you to know that doing this to yourself every single day -- dozens of times a day -- takes a toll on your psyche. You start believing the story you are telling yourself about how flawed you are, instead of how truly awesome you are as a woman over 50. Try shifting this way of thinking by looking in your bathroom mirror every morning while telling yourself everything you either love about you or are grateful for about you in your life. Exactly what does this mean? Let's use your arms as an example ... Unless you're pumping some serious weights on a regular basis, the shape of your arm is probably not what it was 20 years ago. If you don't like the way your arms look, instead of focusing on them as flawed, tell yourself something like this, "I am so grateful for my arms because I'll be able to hug that wonderful man who is coming into my life who will love me just as I am."
I'll fill you in on a little secret ... Men don't pick you apart like you do to yourself. If they are attracted to
you (and men are attracted to all types of women) then they have the ability to love the whole you and accept you just as beautiful as you are. The real question is ... can you? When you finish reading this blog, go make a list of 10 things you love about you. Then go look in the mirror on a daily basis and remind yourself of how wonderful you really are.
2. Give Up Your Limiting Dating Beliefs About Available Men Most women believe what makes a Quality Man is his ability to swoop her off her feet, wine and dine her at the best restaurants around town, and give her presents and a very wealthy lifestyle. Now, I want to share a secret with you that you already know if you've been following my advice for a while. Money does not make a quality man. How a man treats you and how you feel around a man is far more important. I have a former client who is very successful professionally, and she found herself madly in love with a man who is a male nurse. They have an amazing relationship and she feels she got the best guy in the world because he makes her feel absolutely loved, cherished and adored. Note those feelings have nothing to do with money or the fact that she earns more than he does. Yet many professional women would have turned their noses up over this man, declaring anyone less than a doctor, lawyer or accountant wouldn't qualify as a quality man in their eyes. Lots of men are online who are good men and want nothing more than to make you happy. The guy with the belly might make the greatest husband in the world. You just have to give them a chance.
3. Give Up Your Closed Heart So You Can Have The Relationship You Really Want You probably want a quality man in your life so you no longer have to feel so alone anymore. Right? I get this. And intellectually, you can probably even visualize yourself with a man in your life. But is your heart really open to allowing a great man to walk into your life? One of the scariest times for my private clients is when it's time to date. I've seen women who told me they desperately wanted a man in their life suddenly want to quit dating. Why?
Because letting someone into your heart again is SCARY. You've probably been hurt in the past when it comes to love and it didn't feel very good, did it? So what do you do? You protect your heart, using excuses like, "I'm too busy to date," or "My grandchildren need me," or "There are no good men to date," and the list goes on. Sometimes we can't even see how we are sabotaging our love life. I've spoken with women who tell me they've been on five dates and they couldn't find Mr. Right so they are ready to QUIT. It takes a lot of work to find the right man for you. If you think he will show up on your first try, you're kidding yourself. This is why it's so important to have a support system in place to motivate you when the going gets tough. You want to have every dating tool and skill available to you in your dating tool box so you can keep moving forward. That's why I'm dedicated to helping you get the tools and skills you need so you can find that relationship I know you want. So to summarize, start loving you so a man can love you. See the possibilities and the abundance of men who are out there to date you. And opn your heart so love can come to you. Lisa Copeland is the best-selling author and dating coach who makes finding a great guy after 50 fun and easy.
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How to retire early! Money Watch interviews Mr. Money Mustache For many Americans, the idea of an early retirement is pure fantasy - many surveys suggest that a good portion of us are convinced we'll never be able to retire at all. But what if retirement saving isn't quite as insurmountable an obstacle as you think? The idea that retirement - even early retirement - is within anyone's grasp is a big part of the appeal of a popular personal-finance blog called "Mr. Money Mustache," written by a 39-year-old man named Pete, who lives with his wife and 8-year-old son in Longmont, Colo. (The blog recently had 417,000 monthly unique visitors, and has had a total of 4 million unique visitors since it launched in April 2011.) Pete, who prefers not to divulge his last name to protect his family's privacy, retired when he was just 30. His wife retired with him, and for the past nine years they've been stay-at-home parents. Their investment income supports their lifestyle, but they also work when they want, on their own terms. Want to retire early? Mr. Money Mustache says it's time to rethink our spending.
One secret to their success? They live on very little for a family of three: about $25,000 a year. They own a car, but mostly bike. Dining out is an occasional luxury. And shopping for stuff? That's best avoided. But their philosophy goes beyond mere scrimping, says Mr. Money Mustache. It's about enjoying life with less. When Mr. Money Mustache was asked about his philosophy on spending, how he retired early, and his take on retirement planning. Our Q&A is below. And if you're wondering about the name? "Mr. Money Mustache is meant to be a bit of a character - a financial superhero," Pete said. "He's me, but a slightly bossier and more opinionated version of me. I find that people gladly obey the commandments of Mr.
Money Mustache, even while they would scoff if plain old Pete, the former software engineer, stepped up and started giving them advice." How old were you when you decided to try to retire early, and how long did it take you to get to the point where you could retire?
It was a gradual process. I brought some frugal instincts along with me from childhood, so I always tended to save a bit of money rather than spending it all. My wife has been a pretty reasonable spender since the time we met, as well. So I graduated from college in 1997, we eventually moved in together, and, after several years of full-time work, some cash was starting to build up in our investment accounts, and we wondered if there was something useful we could do with it. Sometime around 2002, we decided we wanted to be parents eventually, and that it would be great if we could retire from our relatively demanding careers in the tech industry before any babies came along. This really increased our motivation to spend less and invest more, and we cranked things up. At the end of 2005, our savings were sufficient to generate passive income that we could theoretically live off forever, so we quit the regular jobs and have been winging it ever since. And we now have an amazing 8-year-old-boy. How did you decide how much money was enough to retire?
Based on a long-lasting hobby of reading books on stock investing, I realized that you can generally count on your nest egg to deliver a 4% return over most of a lifetime, with a good chance of it never running out. In other words, you need about 25 times your annual spending to retire. So we tracked our spending and our net worth, and when we hit the magic number we declared ourselves "retired." Did you have a written retirement plan in place early on, or more of a ballpark figure you were trying to save up?
We did most of the saving before we knew all that much about early retirement. But once the picture became a bit clearer, we had a clearer goal. For the last few years, the mantra was "$600,000 in investments, plus a paidoff house." This is enough to generate $24,000 of spending money, which goes quite far if you have no rent or mortgage to pay. How important is it for people to have a written retirement plan, in your opinion?
It doesn't matter to me if it's written, verbal or mental. But I do encourage people to open their minds to how real and possible an early retirement can be. It isn't a vague, fluffy concept like, "someday," "never" or "when I'm 65." Retirement (or financial independence) simply means that you have your living expenses covered by none work income. In the worst case, this requires 25 to 30 times your annual spending, socked away into investments. If you're eligible for a pension or Social Security, it's even easier. Do you work with a financial planner or manage your finances on your own?
I have always enjoyed managing my own finances. On the blog, I maintain a good-natured battle with the financial-planning industry in general, because they focus too much on retiring at a very old age with many millions in savings - just so you can continue to spend $100,000 a year until you die. It is much more efficient to get a handle on your materialism and spending so you can live more happily on a fraction of that amount, which can shave 20 years or more from the time you need to keep commuting in to that office.
How crucial is it, in your opinion, for people to have a monthly or annual spending plan or budget?
This really depends on your personality type. I've never had a spending plan or a budget at any point in my own life. Instead, it was a simple set of values to apply just before I make any purchase or commit to any expense: "Is this the best possible use for this chunk of money, if my goal is creating lifelong happiness for myself?" Since I valued freedom and financial strength, this automatically ruled out quite a few purchases. For example, as a young man I was a major car enthusiast. But I didn't run out to borrow money to buy an Acura NSX, because I valued having that money for other things more than I valued a fancy car. Nowadays I can finally afford a car like that without even borrowing, but I am happy to discover that the desire has disappeared. Some people might think so much cost-cutting is akin to living like Scrooge and not having any fun. How would you respond to that?
If you tell yourself that is how it will be, then you will create your own truth and life will not be fun. But if you understand the fundamentals of what it means to be a happy person, you realize that buying more stuff for yourself has no relationship at all to how happy you are. These fundamentals include things like close relationships with other people, health, rewarding work, a chance to be creative and help others. Work on those things and you'll start living a much better life immediately, and soon wonder where the odd compulsion to own a yacht with a submarine came from in your old self. Surveys suggest there are a lot of people out there who are worried about retiring, who don't have enough money saved, who feel like they may never retire. Can you offer people in that situation any words of advice in terms of how to turn their situation around?
The quickest way to turn things around is to realize that you are in much more control than you realize. The time to reach retirement depends on only one thing: your savings rate as a percentage of your take-home pay. And this depends entirely on how much you spend. So the moment you can learn to live a less expensive life, suddenly the clouds clear up and the financial picture brightens considerably. _________________________________________________________________________________________________
Romantic Getaways in California By Betsy Malloy My idea of the perfect spot for a romantic getaway is quiet, with lots of time for holding hands, watching the sunset, flirting over a scrumptious dinner and time for a little afternoon delight. The places on this list were chosen with this in mind. Ideas for a Romantic Weekend Getaway in California
Big Sur: Crashing waves, sunsets and lodgings from cozy cottages to world-class hideaways.
Carmel: Its storybook architecture may inspire your own romantic story. Walk on the beach, stroll through town, cuddle at sunset.
Catalina Island: With a cute, walkable downtown, beautiful ocean views, cozy bed and breakfasts and the amazing Inn on Mt Ada, it's our top pick for a romantic getaway.
La Jolla: One of the most beautiful coastal settings in Southern California, fine restaurants and a romantic cliffside walking path give La Jolla all the ingredients for a perfect getaway - just add you sweetie.
Laguna Beach: Stay in a hotel on the beach, watch the sunset and fall asleep counting wave crashes instead of sheep.
Malibu: All those gorgeous beaches provide plenty of places for a romantic stroll.
Mendocino: Wild scenery, charming accommodations and lots of time (and places) to gaze into each others' eyes in front of a roaring fireplace.
Napa Valley: Besides the obvious wine and food-related activities, you can have fun getting muddy (with or without the kids).
Occidental: Occidental has it all: a sensational spa nearby, a cute little downtown tailor-made for strolling hand-in-hand and an exquisitely beautiful bed and breakfast hotel.
Ojai: Cuddle like kittens in this cute little nest in the Santa Ynez Mountains.
Pebble Beach: California's best coastal scenery... beachcombing... and a bagpiper at sunset.
Santa Barbara: Movie stars have been planning romantic trysts here (on and off screen) for almost a century and it's easy to understand why.
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Next Month from BEAUTY COME FORTH Online Magazine
The HTU et·y·mol·o·gy of a Tie n. pl. et·y·mol·o·gies (ĕt′ə-mŏl′ə-jē) 1. The origin and historical development of a linguistic form as shown by determining its basic elements, earliest known use, and changes in form and meaning, tracing its transmission from one language to another, identifying its cognates in other languages, and reconstructing its ancestral form where possible. WHAT: A tie or necktie is a long piece of cloth worn for decorative purposes around the neck or shoulders, resting under the shirt collar and knotted at the throat. Variants include the ascot tie, bow tie, bolo tie, zipper tie, cravat and the clip-on tie. The modern necktie, ascot, and bow tie are descended from the cravat. Neck ties are generally unsized, but may be available in a longer size. Men and boys wear neckties as part of regular office attire or formal wear. Neckties can also be worn as part of a uniform (e.g. military, school and wait staff), whereas some choose to wear them as everyday clothing attire. Neckties are traditionally worn with the top shirt button fastened, and the tie knot resting comfortably between the collar points. Among younger men, neckties are sometimes worn as a casual item, tied loosely around the neck, with the top shirt button unfastened.[1] WHEN: The earliest known version of the necktie has been found in the massive mausoleum of china’s first emperor, Shih Huang Ti, who was buried in 210 B.C. Desperately afraid of death, the emperor wanted to slaughter an entire army to accompany him into the next world. His advisers ultimatel persuaded him to take life-size replicas of the soldiers instead. WHERE: The result is one of the marvels of the ancient world. Unearthed in 1974 near the ancient capital city of Xian, the tomb contained an astonishing 7,500 life-size terracotta replicas of Shih Huang Ti’s famed fighting force. Legions of officers, soldiers, archers and horsemen, all carved in meticulous detail, guard the emperor’s sarcophagus. The armor, uniforms, hair, and facial expressions of the soldiers are reproduced in exquisite detail. Each figure is different- except in one respect; all wear neck cloths. WHY: Most sartorialists agree that the Necktie originated in the 17th century, during the 30 year war in France. King Louis XIII hired Croatian mercenaries (see picture above) who wore a piece of cloth around their neck as part of their uniform. While these early neckties did serve a function (tying the top of their jackets that is), they
also had quite a decorative effect – a look that King Louis was quite fond of. In fact, he liked it so much that he made these ties a mandatory accessory for Royal gatherings, and – to honor the Croatian soldiers – he gave this clothing piece the name “La Cravate” – the name for necktie in French to this day. These neck cloths struck the fancy of the king, and he soon made them an insignia of royalty as he created a regiment of Royal Cravattes HOW: As a general rule for all tie knots, the widest part of your tie should hang roughly at the same height as the upper edge of your leather belt, with the tie's tip extending slightly below it. The tip of the narrow end would then hang wherever it may. TODAY: How a person dresses often portrays their attitude about self. It is HTU’s mission to impact the world through the art of dressing the present and future generation of men. Many have proposed solutions to reaching the next generation of young men through various outlets. We believe fashion is a proven method that speaks a universal language to every generation. It is by this philosophy that HTU project positive images of men from various cultures, ages, professions, social economic backgrounds and education throughout our product branding campaigns. We celebrate self respect, by presenting oneself respectable through the way they dress. OUR OBJECTIVE IS TO BRIDGE the 75 year generational fashion gap between the Modern day sag and the Ole’ school swag by magnifying the value of dignity and honor associated with the Necktie. Our ideology simply reflects a proven fact; fashion is a leading influence of our culture and a dominating force in the media, so let us all take a S.T.A.N.D. to impact the world through fashion in a positive way, with a call to action. We say, it’s no longer an accessory, it’s now a necessity!
www.HesTiedUp.com
Raising My Girls Against all Odds Interview by BCF Editor-In-Chief Myra Wallace When you hear of someone mention a single family household, most times it is the mother who comes to mind. In a society where statistics too often highlight the absence of fathers in today's families, whether it be physically absent by reason of divorce or other negative influences, or mentally & emotionally absent due to personal indeference between the mother and father. In any case the ratio of single mother's raising children have always outnumbered single fathers raising children, yet this month's featured story is about a man who has tipped the scale in the opposite direction. We had a chance to sit down with single dad & Corporate Executive, Mr. Darnell Walker. Mr. Walker has more than 30 years experience in the Aerospace industry. After receiving his Bachelor's Degree in Engineering and entering the world of corporate America, Mr. Walker was inspired to excel in the business world, and decided to continue his education and went on to receive his MBA at Pepperdine University, while holding down his position as Vice President & General Manager at BE Aerospace. While experiencing the rewards of success in his professional life, this single super dad managed to maintain a healthy balance with his personal life by raising three beautiful, intelligent and gifted young ladies. , Darnell's world travels and international business dealings, influenced him to learn four foreign languages, although not fluent in all, he continues to have an interest in many other cultures and the diversity of other languages.
Mr. Walker's tenacity played a huge part in his climb up the corporate ladder, demonstrating both business savvy and his aptitude for strategic planning. Applauded by his peers for his work ethics, his reputation grew fast as the man to get it done both in the office and at home. Although his business and physical environments were constantly changing over the years while working for the various fortune 500 companies, his work ethics remained steadfast while running eleven companies in five different countries and overseeing more than 2000 employees. In the midst of the years where he carried his heaviest work load, Darnell encountered an untimely divorce and willingly took on all the responsibilities associated with being a single parent. His baby girls became the priority in his life as his gift to manage challenging situations surfaced once again on the home front. Known by his rich baritone voice and articulate speech, this gentle giant is a force to be reckoned with in the board room, yet a source that soothes the savages, when he serenades you with his saxophone. A musician at heart, he still picks up the horn that was once served as a source of income in his early years, this gift took second fiddle to his corporate calling.
Q & A with Mr. Walker BCF: As a single father raising girls, what was your greatest challenge? Darnell: Making sure that my girls received a balance perspective of what a parent is. My struggle was being a man and trying to teach them something I was unfamiliar with, which was how to be a lady BCF: Were there ever times you felt like throwing in the towel? Darnell: Yes, there were times I was completely overwhelmed, yet throwing in the towel was never an option. BCF: How old are your girls now? Darnell: I have an adult daughter who is 32, a set of twins who are 13, and my youngest is 8 BCF: What is your relationship with your children's mothers? Darnell: Unfortunately my relationship with my daughters mother has been strained for a number of years BCF: You career has obviously required you to travel extensively. How did you manage to do so while raising small children? Darnell: It involved having a very close knit extended family who contributed to supporting my parenting efforts BCF: during your international business travels, which languages were you inspired to learn? Darnell: Portuguese, Spanish, French, Hebrew, and although I took a great interest in all of these languages I am really only proficient in Portuguese. BCF: What do you do to wind down and decompress from the stresses of life? Dranell: I enjoy relaxing at home, listening to jazz music BCF: I see you are a musician, how often do you play? Darnell: Not as often as I should, maybe 4-5 times a month.
BCF: What is your favorite pass time? Darnell: I enjoy international travel, learning about various cultures BCF: What would you consider your greatest accomplishment in life? Darnell: It's hard to narrow it down to one single accomplishment. I would like to think that raising my children would be one and far exceeding my professional aspirations. BCF: Who is someone you admire? Darnell: Historically, Martin Luther King, a person with vast vision, that was compelled to everything he could to help mankind. BCF: Did you have a mentor growing up? If so, who were they? Darnell: I had several, in grade school it was my teacher, Gordon Tyre. In college, it was my professor, Donald Steward. And most important, over all, it was my father, who was a teacher of life in his own right. BCF: What is the best piece of advice you've ever received? Darnell: To treat people the way you would like to be treated. BCF: What advice do you have for a single father raising girls? Darnell: Be prepared to extend a lot of patience while making sure you continue to tell them and show them how much you love them. Take the time to share in activities with them BCF: You know we are a women's "Beauty" magazine? What is your definition of Beauty? Darnell: My definition of beauty lies in the heart and soul of a person, it's how they convey love and kindness to others. BCF: You know we at BCF, we have more than 6000 subscribers to BCF, and we believe in celebrating women and the unsung Sheroes of today, are there any women you would like to give a shout out to for helping you in your journey? Darnell: I'd like to thank my mother Priscilla, my sisters Dana & Charnee, my good friends Stacey, Kim Chau BCF: What's on the horizon for Mr. Walker personally and professionally. Darnell: I am actually entering, what I would call the next phase of my life. Professionally, I've recently opened my own consulting business (Logistic Manufacturing Solutions) while pursuing a long anticipated public speaking platform. In addition, next month, I am about to marry my perfect soul mate, Myra Wallace (BCF Editor In Chief). Mr. Walker's compelling presence, passion for public speaking and endorsement of the benefits of higher education, commands the attention of various audiences across the nation. His motto: Success is the reward for those willing to do the work.
Taste of the Nation LA-Sunday, June 7th, 2015
Hosanna Broadcasting Network-Breakfast with the Clergy- June 27, 2015
Long Beach Gospel Fest-Sunday, July 19, 2015
Beauty Come Forth Webzine--- the New Beauty Paradigm….
VISION This BCF Online Magazine is a monthly magazine featuring articles that address the lifestyle of women in transition to greatness.
MISSION The mission of BCF Online magazine is to Inspire, Motivate and Transform women’s Beauty through; fashion, finance, fitness, food, health, environment, entertainment, relationship, charity and spirituality.
PURPOSE To “Cultivate inner beauty, the gentle, gracious kind that God delights in”
BCF COPYRIGHT 2015