By Wendy M. Reynolds, MS/P BCF Senior Managing Editor
Wendym.wordpress.com http://twitter.com/Wendymreynolds Have you ever wondered why it is often much easier to recognize or identify with our weaknesses than our strengths? For 20 years, I worked in the trenches with families and with individuals who were experiencing immediate crisis- addictions, child abuse, serious physical and mental illnesses, homelessness, domestic violence, hopelessnessand everything that came along with it. I've worked with thousands of people, seen more tears than you can count and heard stories that would break your heart. But what never ceased to amaze me were the reactions I would receive from my clients when after they shared their stories, I would say something like, "Wow. How did you do it? You are a strong person. I don't know if I would have had the strength you had to endure what you have endured." "What... Strength? Did you not just hear what I told you? I'm broken. My husband beat me. I'm not eligible for the heart transplant. I was gang raped. No one knows but I'm 16 trying to raise my 3 younger siblings becuase our parent abandoned us earlier this year. I sold myself for money. My once sweet little boy now has oppositional defiant disorder. My mom gave me my first hit of drugs. I lost my children to the system. I had it all and now I'm in a shelter. I have cancer. I'm a disappointment. I'm nothing but pain. I don't want to live..." And yet you are still here! Still standing. Still seeking help. Still fighting. It didn't take you out- didn't kill you. So what do you say if we take a moment right here to celebrate the fact that against the odds, you are here." Whew, those were always eye opening conversations with my clients. Helping them locate a stream of strength within their lives of chaos and pain- strength they never knew they had- was first shocking and then often life changing. It took away a little bit of the power of their circumstances and revealed some power within themsomething they could hopefully build upon, give them a glimmer hope and create better tomorrows. This month is my birthday month and Beauty Come Forth's 6th year anniversary. I'm celebrating my journeyall of it and the strength it took to still be here, when on many occassions and in many ways, I could have buckled under the pressures of life and given up. I want to challenge you this month to acknowledge areas of strength that you may not have recognized before. Yeah, it takes real strength to face and endure life, with all of it ups and downs. Whatever you have been
through, whatever you have endured, whatever you have come through or still going through (some stuff only you and God know about), see and identify with the strength it took to still be standing- to still be here. You are not/were not defeated. Flip that thing that depresses you- that thing, that circumstance or even that person who shames you or makes you feel as if "how it is, is how it will always be"- that thing or situation that tries to crush your spirit- Take away its power by recognizing your own power. Look at yourself in the mirror and scream out, "Yeah, I'm still here! I am strong! I'm going to make it! I'm beating the odds! I am totally amazing and the power of God within me makes me more than a conqueror!"
by Janice Fuller-Roberts It’s easy to say what you would or wouldn’t do in a situation from the safety of your own home. It’s like being an armchair quarterback or a backseat driver. The “right” thing is always obvious when you’re not in the thick of things. Everyone does it. We sit on our high horses and haughtily pass judgment on the actions of others. But the thing about high horses is that they’re precarious perches, and falling off is easier than you think. Some of us even get knocked off.
I got “knocked” off my perch about 25 years ago when I was beaten by the man I loved. After all this time, it’s still hard for me to type the words “I was a battered woman.” It’s not that I’m ashamed. It’s just been so long, it’s almost as though it happened to someone else. If you’re like me at that age, you already have a picture in your mind of who I must have been to end up in this situation. Let me disabuse you of your preconceived notions right away. I was college educated (though I hadn’t graduated) and from a family where college education ran four generations deep on my mother’s side. My parents had a great marriage and provided a stable home. My father never lifted a finger against my mother, my sister or me. He didn’t even raise his voice. I had a good job, great friends and lived comfortably. I was involved in my community and even attended board meetings for a domestic violence shelter. Still, I’d never witnessed domestic violence first-hand. I didn’t know anyone in an abusive relationship. It was something that happened to other people … until it happened to me. I didn’t fall in love with a woman beater. Yes, there were warning signs. I’ll point out a couple as I continue. But by the time my relationship turned violent, I was more than a year into it and deeply in love. There was no violence in the
beginning. I won’t waste space talking about my batterer. Even though he had some very real problems, this isn’t about him. This is about the woman I was at the beginning of the relationship. This is about understanding that domestic violence doesn’t just affect “certain” people. Every few seconds women are beaten, and we need to recognize who those women are. We need to see them. So you need to see who I was. Despite outward appearances, I wasn’t as “together” as I seemed. My self-esteem was dangerously low. I felt unlovable and harbored deep feelings self-loathing. I could write a novel about how I got to this emotional low point, but I won’t. I will say that it took years for me to get there. A few years earlier, I’d been treated for depression. In my family, there’s absolutely no stigma against therapy. In fact, we’re big proponents of it! By the time I met my abuser, I wasn’t in therapy anymore. I should have been, though. I honestly believed I was unworthy of love. Then I met him and he fell for me right away. He was so attentive and wanted to be with me all the time. This was new to me. I was used to guys “playing it cool”, not calling back, etc. And here was this man, so sweet and attentive, telling me I was beautiful and smart. He made it clear from the start that he wanted a “real” relationship with me. He fell fast and hard, which was exactly what my fragile ego needed. I was intoxicated by all that attention. So at first, when he was a little possessive and jealous, I thought it was because he loved me so much. When he began to resent the time I spent with my family or girlfriends, I thought it was another indication of his love. (Warning Sign Alert: extreme possessiveness.) Yeah, I saw the early warning signs, but they crept in over time. Anyway, I ignored them because I loved him and wanted this relationship to work. So I stopped hanging out with my friends because I thought it would make him happy. Or I’d come home early, hoping to avoid an argument because “look honey, I came home early to be with you”. He felt uncomfortable around my family because they were educated and professional, so I saw them less often. (Warning Sign Alert: isolation from family and friends.) By the time the first punch landed, I was a shell of my former self. I wasn’t a social butterfly, anymore. I’d lost touch with my friends. I’d lost interest in the things I loved. That night he beat the crap out of me. He threw me against walls, he punched me and he kicked me. I’d never been hit like that in my entire life. And yes, I fought back! But he was stronger. I lost. I left the next day while he was at work and I wish I could tell you that I stayed away. I didn’t. It took one more beating before I left for good. This time, I had him thrown in jail, though. And then I never looked back. I had it better than many battered women. I had someplace to go. I had a support system, my own money and no kids to worry about. My boss at the time had influence and pulled some strings, so the police were helpful. Not that they wouldn’t have helped me without my boss’ intervention, but you do hear stories. One of the first things I did when I got free was go back to therapy. I wanted to know why I ended up in an abusive relationship and I wanted to make sure I never went back. I worked very hard to move past this horrible chapter in my
life. Still, with all my education and knowledge, in spite of my loving support system, it wasn’t easy to for me to leave. I want to drive that point home. It’s not easy to leave an abusive situation. For one thing, my self-esteem hadn’t improved and I worried no one else would love me. And I really did love him. So when you look down your nose at your co-worker, friend or a stranger on TV who has a hard time leaving their abuser, remember my story. Come down off your high horse and realize that domestic violence isn’t just about hooking up with the wrong man. It isn’t about being weak or being too stupid to leave. It isn’t about not defending yourself, either. Understand that before the first blow lands, a battered woman is usually already in hell. She doesn’t need your pity or scorn. She doesn’t need your judgment. She needs your love and support. She needs somewhere to go and she needs help staying away. That was a dark time in my life. But even worse than the beatings was the way I felt about myself. Despite my upbringing and everything I had going for me, I didn’t love myself. And that’s where the problem started. A quarter of a century later, I’m a different woman. But I have to work at self-love like an alcoholic has to work at staying sober. I take it one day at a time. I have to remain vigilant, lest those feelings of worthlessness creep back into my psyche. Self-love is the first line of defense against domestic violence. I shared just a fraction of my story. Attention must also be given to the batterers and how they got that way. It’s true that hurt people hurt people. Until we get better at dealing with the hurt and doing the work it takes to heal, this horrible cycle will continue.
Janice Fuller-Roberts is an African American freelance writer, novelist and blogger living in the metropolitan Detroit area. She has a popular advice column called “Ask Janice” at www.SuzyKnew.com, a site dedicated to the sexual health and pleasure for women of color, with an emphasis on women from the African diaspora. Janice generally writes from a womanist perspective. Her thought-provoking essays on subjects such as domestic violence, depression, mental health awareness, sexism, race, and romance have also been featured in such online publications as The Sexy Single Mommy, For Harriet, emPower Magazine, DAME Magazine, Salon, Madame Noire, Stop The Beauty Madness, and Corset. She also writes under a pseudonym with a growing legion of fans. Article previously published by For Harriet
By Food Matters Superfoods are a special category of foods found in nature. By definition they are calorie sparse and nutrient dense meaning they pack a lot of punch for their weight as far as goodness goes. They are superior sources of antioxidants and essential nutrients - nutrients we need but cannot make ourselves. We all may be adding more salads and vegetables to our diets, but concern over the quality of foods grown on mineral depleted soils makes Superfoods an intelligent choice. For more information on how to use Superfoods in your day to day life please have a look at our our superfood greens and browse the pages on 5 most important categories of superfoods below. GREEN SUPERFOODS Greens are good, Green Superfoods are even better! Green superfoods have the highest concentrations of easily digestible nutrients, fat burning compounds, vitamins and minerals to protect and heal the body. They contain a wide array of beneficial substances including proteins, protective photo-chemicals and healthy bacteria helping you to build cleaner muscles and tissues, aid your digestive system function and more effectively protect you against disease and illness. Green superfoods are extremely rich in chlorophyll, the pigment that gives plants their green color. The molecular structure of chlorophyll is very similar to that of human blood
and studies show that when this is consumed, the production of hemoglobin in blood is increased. Higher amounts of hemoglobin in the bloodstream means more oxygen-rich blood, the first and most important element that cells need to thrive.
FRUIT & NUT SUPERFOODS Fruit and nut superfoods are high in anti-oxidants that fight free radicals in the body. Free radicals may sound a little like an extremist terrorist sect evading capture and wreaking havoc across the globe and in fact within the context of your body this would be right. They are, in part, a natural occurrence through metabolism however extra and unnecessary free radical load can be put on our bodies by external factors including pollution, cigarette smoke, radiation, burnt foods, deep fried fats and cooked foods. When enough of these free radicals invade our immune system problems occurs. This is when you need antioxidants to build up the immune system and fight off the free radicals in the form of superfoods or supplements.
BEE SUPERFOODS The Egyptians wrote about it back in 5500 B.C., the Indians used it for their religious ceremonies in 1000 B.C. and even the Babylonians have been noted to use it in their medicinal practices. The western world actually discovered the benefits of bee superfoods by accident during an investigation of native Russian Beekeepers who regularly lived past 100 years of age who ate raw honey, rich in bee pollen, every day.
SEAWEED SUPERFOOD Seaweeds are one of nature's true wonder foods! They are one of the most nutritionally dense plants on the planet and also the most abundant source of minerals in the plant kin HERB SUPERFOOD Herbs as nourishment offer the body a whole host of nutrients it may not have received either because of poor diet or environmental deficiencies in the soil or air. Herbs as medicine are essentially body balancers that work with the body functions so that it can heal and regulate itself. Herbs have been used for centuries as part of the wisdoms of natural healing methods. Herbs are best used in their whole form rather than isolating effective plant constituents so-called "active ingredients". Since all body parts and most disease symptoms are interrelated, it is wise to use herbs which can affect each part of the problem.
SAVE THE DATE! The Hurt and The Healer Collide Saturday, March 12, 2016 9405 Flower St, Bellflower, CA 90706 Evangelist Cheryll Cooks, God’s Elect Ministries, Global
For more info: Cheryllcooks.gemz@gmail.com
Perfectly Flawed 9 Signs Your Desire for Perfection Has Gone Too Far By Amy Morin
Striving for excellence is good, but demanding perfection can backfire. While many elite athletes, successful entrepreneurs, and groundbreaking researchers have some perfectionist tendencies, their drive for excellence doesn't hold them back. While some psychologists describe these high achievers as 'adaptive perfectionists,' other researchers declare they aren't true perfectionists. True perfectionists–also called maladaptive perfectionists–struggle to succeed. Their need for perfection hinders their performance and prevents them from ever feeling ‘good enough.’ Here are nine signs that your healthy drive for excellence has crossed over into an unhealthy need for perfection:
1. You View Mistakes as Proof You're Inadequate Rather than view mistakes as an opportunity to learn and grow, perfectionists view mistakes are proof they're not good enough. They respond to blunders with harsh self-criticism and minor mishaps often leave them feeling defeated. 2. You Can't Celebrate Your Success Perfectionists don’t feel comfortable declaring victory, no matter how successful they’ve become. Rather than acknowledge their talent, they may chalk up their achievements to luck. At other times, they continue to criticize themselves by saying things like, "I should have reached my goal faster," or "If I were smarter I wouldn't have had to work so hard." 3. Your Self-Worth Depends on Your Achievement Perfectionists don't feel good about who they are. Their self-worth rests solely on what they do and how much they accomplish. Since they never really feel successful, they almost always lack selfconfidence. 4. You Demand Perfection from Others True perfectionists don't just expect perfection from themselves–they also expect those around them to perform at unrealistic levels. Their unrealistically high standards and excessively critical feedback wreak havoc on their relationships. 5. Your Mental Health Suffers Perfectionism is associated with a variety of mental health problems, ranging from obsessivecompulsive disorder to eating disorders to depression. Studies have even citied perfectionism as a risk factor for suicide. 6. You Avoid Doing Things Where You May Fail Perfectionists aren't interested in personal growth. They're more concerned with showing off their current skills, rather than learning new ones. They tend to choose less challenging activities where they're more likely to succeed, rather than explore new opportunities where they may struggle. 7. You Aren't Satisfied with Your Life The intense fear of failure and anxiety over the future prevents perfectionists from feeling truly satisfied with their lives. Research shows that perfectionists often do well in low stress environments, but everyday hassles and stressful life events can take a serious toll on their life satisfaction. 8. You Take a Long Time to Complete Tasks
While driven people are hard workers who complete tasks efficiently, true perfectionists struggle to get anything done. Whether they're re-writing an email a dozen times to make sure it's perfect, or they're rehearsing their pitch so many times they miss a deadline, their efforts to be perfect impair their productivity. 9. You Invest a Lot of Energy into Masking Your Imperfections True perfectionists invest a lot of energy into masking their flaws. They worry about being harshly judged by others and in an effort to escape that judgement, they work hard to keep up the appearance of perfection.
By Marshawn Evans
For we are Christ’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus, to do good works which He prepared in advance for us to do. –Ephesians 2:10
This is one of the scriptures I return to most often and for me, this one is perfect for us who are messengers. It really just describes the entire journey of stepping into our BIG purpose. Curious? Let me explain. I see four key pieces here. 1. The first is “workmanship,” and to me that means that you are a custom creation, that there is no one like you. Nobody else has the stuff that you have and has been created in the way that you have. You are a custom, tailor-made, one-of-a-kind creation. You should never try to imitate and replicate what has already been done… because it has already been done! The world needs what only you have and it is already present in you. Any time you look outside of yourself to find something that is only within yourself, you miss the mark every single time. 2. A second piece is around good works. Your existence and presence here on Earth is to be able to do good works. You have to understand that there is a purpose to your voice. Good works are part of what you are expected to do and what you have been designed for. You’ve been designed to do awesome and amazing things. Is that overwhelming? Well, it’s only natural to shrink back and think your vision is too big. But what this scripture tells you is that you were pre-designed for the amazing. You were pre-designed for the incredible. You were pre-designed as a messenger.
I know this about you because if this wasn’t true for you, you wouldn’t have felt that tug you’ve been feeling. You see, not everybody will hear the invitation that you have heard. Those who have been pre-designed for something else won’t resonate with your tug because they have their own version of it. But you, my friend… if you are reading this, I know that you have been listening to your invitation to be a messenger in the world. 3. The third piece is “in advance.” You might be surprised by some of the things that God shows you about your life, about your business, about your calling, and about your own significance—but He’s not. He knew about all of the things that He would have for you from the very beginning. He knew who needed you. He designed you in such a way to meet the needs that other people have. 4. And that last piece—the word “do.” Yes, action is required. It’s not enough to know what you are here to do, to say, and to share. You actually have to do it. God really knows whether you are serious. You really can’t fake this. Think about it…. What happens when you get busy and take on other activities? You do every single thing except use the unique thing that you’ve been given to do. And you end up wasting it. I always say that God will extend an invitation, but He will not give the information and instruction until after you have accepted the invitation. I know you’ve heard the invitation. Now, what are you going to do with it? I believe that if you won’t respond, someone else will. God doesn’t lose. He doesn’t know how to lose. Purpose only knows how to win. And this is your time to respond. Your time to act. Your time to step into your purpose. Tell ME, what’s your first step going to be? I’d love to know! Marshawn Evans is a Global Mentor and Catalyst for Women looking to Launch Their Dreams and Live Their Purpose. She equips others to AMPLIFY their lives, their leadership and their legacy by teaching the principles of influence, branding, and divine purpose. Her weekly eZine goes out to thousands of subscribers. Are you ready to unleash your brilliance and align with your REAL destiny? Sign up for a FREE subscription at http://marshawnevans.com.
Love You Through By Myla Denise Try-Umph @MylaDenise
I’m not a mother, but there are quite a few children in my life. There are moments when a simple gesture or phrase melts my heart and times when they have emotional meltdowns that send me hiding in my own quiet corner. In both cases—and every situation in between—my love doesn’t waiver. What I feel for them is not dependent on their best or worst. I love them through it. All of us have struggles and some require years of emotional work and determination to overcome. Few of us feel confident to be genuine with others because we don’t trust that they will love us through the emotional work. We hide behind what we think they want to see or hear. We hide behind smiles and ideas. We live isolated and contrived lives. My challenge to you is to discover those who will love you through and then let them! The first part of that challenge is not easy. For years I struggled to learn who was going to love me through hardship and who was simply waiting until I crossed the finish line to love me in celebration. I made some mistakes. I trusted words over actions. I gave more weight to what I wanted instead of what I needed. Although I made errors on whom to depend on, I compounded my own difficulty by then loving fearfully instead of freely. I instituted a blanket method of relationship. No matter what individuals had proven, everyone was treated the same. Everyone heard the same response. Everyone received the same smile. I threw everyone at the finish line and pushed myself into running the race alone. Loving freely requires trust. Trust means being vulnerable, placing your confidence in someone else, and giving up control. Yes, all of that is extremely difficult, but it is no less emotionally taxing than forced loneliness. Maybe you’ve had this vision of who would be standing by your side, loving you through and the ones who have proven themselves aren’t the ones you pictured. Maybe you’ve been so busy chasing who isn’t there that
you can’t see who has been standing beside you. Don’t allow the absence of someone cause you to miss the presence of anyone. I think about the little people in my life. They can have a catastrophic, emotional outburst or get the disciplinary action of their young lives in front of me. Even still, just moments later, no shame nor guilt nor doubt prevents them from jumping in my face, asking me to take them for ice cream, or begging me to play some game. They have the confidence to know that I’ll love them through their outbursts and lapses in judgment. I challenge you to exercise the same level of wisdom by trusting those who have been purposed and have chosen to love you through your doubts, fears, heartaches, and difficulties. Myla Denise is the author of the inspirational blog, Try-Umph and Dawn: Diary of a Poet. She is a life lover, smile giver, and encourager in large part because she is a survivor. In addition to being a writer and a student of the world, Myla is a higher education marketing professional who resides in Santa Barbara, California.
Next Month from BEAUTY COME FORTH Online Magazine
Good ethics is good business: Why have so few gotten the memo? Thomas G Plante Ph.D., ABPP Do the Right Thing
So often we hear about unethical and egregious behavior of organizations and their leaders that seem intent on screwing their customers, lying and cheating, and perhaps laughing all the way to the bank. It is demoralizing to so frequently learn that so many organizations and leaders just can’t be trusted. Yet, there are many ways that organizations can create a culture that supports and nurtures ethics. And good ethics is good business in the end. Closely attending to just a few important and easy to remember strategies to help create and sustain a culture of ethics could be endorsed and shared with perhaps all organizations. These include the following: 1. Clear Expectations for What is Okay and Not Okay All organizations have both spoken and unspoken rules and guidelines about how to act within their environments. This includes everything from attire, attitudes expressed, and behavior towards colleagues, customers, and the public. For anyone who has worked at several organizations, even within the same sector such as corporations or universities, they can likely describe how the culture of these organizations differ and sometimes differ radically. Many of the cultural norms and expectations of an organization are never expressed in writing but are inferred once you closely observe the environment of the organization for some duration. Some organizations highlight ethical values and decision making more than others. Many may pay lip service to following ethical guidelines but then don’t practice what they preach. Some are more utilitarian than others. Others are more hospitable and gracious than others. Clear expectations for behavior among all members of an organization is the first step towards a more ethical organizational culture. 2. Modeling Desired Behavior (especially from organizational leaders)
Research conducted by well-known Stanford psychologist, Al Bandura, among others have made clear that people tend to model the behavior of others (especially well thought of and desirable others) and that leaders within any organization act as models for those below them in the organizational chart. Thus, any organizational leaders must be mindful that they are being watched very closely and that others in the organization will likely follow their lead when it comes to ethical behavior and attitudes. Bandura defines the specific stages of observational learning to include attention, retention, reproduction, and motivation. Thus, for observational modeling to occur, one need to observe or attend to the model, remember the model’s behavior, reproduce the model’s behavior, and be motivated to do it again and again. Thus, organizational leaders must practice what they preach and be sure that they model for others the desired behaviors that they wish to nurture within their organizations. If the highest standards of ethics are desired within an organization then high profiles leaders in that organization much demonstrate these standards and be beyond reproach in this regard. Their actions often will speak louder than their words when it comes to helping to create a more ethical environment within their organizations. 3. Reinforce the Behavior You Want, and Don’t Reinforce the Behavior that You Don’t Want This is a very simple truth from basic operant conditioning that any college freshmen would learn about in their introductory psychology course. Also, it is a truth that has been known for generations. If you want behavior to continue, then reinforce it. If you want behavior to discontinue, don’t reinforce it. This is a pretty simple truth yet it is often hard to do and hard to remember for many organizations and individuals alike. And it is certainly easier said than done. Organizations must be mindful and intentional about what behaviors they want to reinforce and what behaviors they do not want reinforced. Ethical behavior must be clearly reinforced so that it will continue to occur. Problematic unethical behavior should not be reinforced if the organization wishes to extinguish these undesirable behaviors. Offering opportunities for recognition, awards, and social reinforcements for desirable ethical behaviors can go a long way to promote the types of ethical culture desired in any organization. Certainly, these rewards or reinforcements must be thoughtfully considered and delivered with careful attention to both intended and unintended consequences of using them. 4. Focus on Skill Building and Problem Solving Organizations can do a great deal to focus their attention on developing ethical skills and problem solving techniques. Rather than only stating what kinds of behaviors are expected or not, institutions must help with the step by step strategies for developing effective ethical decision making and behavior skills and strategies for resolving ethical dilemmas or troubles. Workshops, easy to use reference materials, ongoing and readily available consultation from peers or mentors are just some of the many ways institutions can assist in training students and staff to best use the tools that are available to them to participate in better and more thoughtful ethical decision making. 5. Provide the Tools People Need to Act Ethically
If an organization wants to create a culture of ethics they must be sure that members have the tools that they need to do so. These include adequate and appropriate training, consultation, modeling, and supervision. These tools also include being able to bring internal and external to the organization experts in to engage staff at all levels of training and problem solving as well. Having an ethics ombudsman or point person for an organization can be especially valuable. They or their staff can provide a focal point for getting tools and resources to better help with ethical consultation. 6. Provide Corrective Feedback Another basic and important principles borrowed from introductory psychology is the notion of immediate corrective feedback. Unless organizations offer timely and thoughtful corrective feedback regarding behavior they will unlikely create a culture of ethics. Reinforcement for behavior that is desired and corrective feedback for behavior that is not desired is critical to help create and sustain a culture of ethical behavior and consideration. This corrective feedback needs to be conducted in the spirit of collaboration and education rather than in terms of punishment or chastisement. Collaboration and education allow for more openness and less defensiveness when feedback is provided. Immediate feedback is critical to maximize a fuller understating of the problem behavior as well. Conclusion These six principles can be very helpful to a wide variety of organizations that desire to create a more ethical culture. These principles provide an easy to remember and straight forward set of suggestions that are aspirational in nature yet offer a clearer focus on ways to maximize ethical behaviors within diverse organizational climates. Having these important principles well understood and frequently used and discussed within organizational life hopefully allows all members of these organizations to be much more attentive to how their work and learning environment can be more ethically focused. So, what do you think? Check out my web page at www.scu.edu/tplante (link is external) and follow me on Twitter @ThomasPlante (link is external) And to learn more about ethics check out my book, Do the Right Thing (link is external) Copyright 2015, Thomas G. Plante, PhD, ABPP
There is no one-size-fits-all cruise ideal for everyone, but U.S. News' Best Cruises 2015 rankings make the decision-making process easier by identifying the lines that consistently deliver exceptional experiences. This year, we evaluated 15 cruise lines in five categories, taking into account key factors, such as health evaluations, traveler approval and reputation among critics, to determine the best cruise lines of 2015. For our second annual rankings, there have been some shake-ups. While some industry heavyweights reclaimed the "Best Cruise Line" crown in their respective categories for the second-year running, a few newcomers climbed the ranks. Before you book your cruise, explore the lines that came out on top.
Introduced in 2011, the 4,000-passenger Disney Dream is Disney's largest ship. With whimsical art deco furnishings, like a bronze statue of Admiral Donald in the lobby atrium, the ship nods to classic Disney characters. One main highlight is the AquaDuck — a 765-foot-long water coaster that snakes through four decks and over the edge of the ship. Another draw is Goofy's Sports Deck activity center, which offers mini-golf, basketball courts, ping pong and foosball tables as well as a virtual sports simulator (for an extra fee). Though the ship places an emphasis on family-focused entertainment, with kids clubs split into distinct age groups and innovative youth programs that include stimulating games and supervised activities catering to everyone from toddlers to teens, it's also geared toward grown-ups with a host of adults-only nightclubs. A section of the ship called The District transforms into an adult oasis at night with five nightclubs and lounges. And with nine dining venues, including two specialty, adult-only restaurants,
passengers have a wide range of cuisine options to choose from. In terms of lodging, like other Disney ships, the Disney Dream caters to cruising clans with perks like convertible sofas and seating and sleeping areas that can be partitioned with a curtain; and each comes appointed with an iPod docking station, a desk and a flatscreen TV. While the smallest stateroom category can comfortably fit three people, the largest Concierge Suite category rooms can accommodate five guests and grants extras, like a media library and exclusive access to a private sun deck. Though some past cruisers commented that the ship's common public areas, such as the pools and buffets, can feel crowded, with a 3-to-1 passenger-to-crew ratio, the ship offers a more tailored onboard experience than larger megaships sailing today. But with that in mind, if you're looking for attentive service, sparse crowds and secluded nooks, a smaller ship may better suit your needs.
Launched in March 2012, the 4,000-passenger Disney Fantasy is Disney's newest ship. Nearly identical to its sister ship, Disney Dream, the two ships are 40 percent bigger than their predecessors. Though both ships flaunt a similar design, the Disney Fantasy distinguishes itself from the Disney Dream with an art nouveau style that pays homage to the 1930s — including a statue of Mademoiselle Minnie wearing a feather headband in the three-story atrium lobby. In terms of dining, guests can pick from nine restaurants, including two specialty venues and three main dining rooms with designated themes. Like other areas of the ship, staterooms are designed with families in mind. While Inside Staterooms can comfortably fit three or four guests and measure 169 square feet, larger ocean view category rooms and suites are appointed with verandahs and can accommodate up to five people — making a great option for larger families. Regardless of which cabin category you select, you'll have access to standard in-room amenities, like flat-screen TVs, minifridges and iPod docking stations. Onboard entertainment is just as familyoriented, with Goofy's Sports Deck activity center offering mini-golf, basketball courts, ping pong and foosball tables as well as a virtual sports simulator (for an extra fee). Come nightfall, guests of all ages can enjoy live performances at two theaters, including the Walt Disney Theatre that plays Disney Digital 3-D movies and exclusive Broadway quality shows throughout the cruise. What's more, younger guests can take advantage of age-appropriate kids and teens' clubs and that offer immersive activities and supervised games. And while the ship is a little smaller than some of its mainstream competitors, staterooms are larger on average, a major selling point for families seeking extra wiggle room. Though some past cruisers lament battling crowds at common areas like pools and buffets, with a 3-to-1 passenger-to-crew ratio the ship maintains a higher level of customization than larger megaships, which tend to prioritize nonstop entertainment over personalized service.
Unveiled in 2010, the 6,318-passenger Allure of the Seas is the world's largest cruise ship. Along with Royal Caribbean's signature amenities, like rock-climbing walls, casinos and ice-skating rinks, the ship houses seven unique neighborhoods that house a variety of activities, shows and dining options. Standouts include a zip line that descends nine decks, two surf simulators and an AquaTheater that puts on water shows. Exclusive to Allure of the Seas and its sister Oasis-class ship, Oasis of the Seas, is a floating version of Central Park that includes 12,000 trees along with an art gallery, a portrait studio, a wine cellar and multiple fine dining establishments. Allure of the Seas also offers an abundance of youthfocused programs and clubs, including kids' and teens-only areas split according to age group that offer interactive science experiences, scavenger hunts and arts and crafts, among other activities. And with 25 dining options, including the world's first Starbucks at sea and the upscale 150 Central Park presented by Chef de Cuisine Molly Brandt (for an extra fee), there are menu offerings geared toward a variety of palates. (Kids can also eat breakfast with their favorite DreamWorks character in the Adagio Dining Room.) In terms of lodging, of the four primary accommodation categories — Interior, Outside, Balcony and Suite staterooms — 72 percent offer balconies and 80 percent grant ocean views. Each stateroom is appointed with standard amenities like a TV and a minifridge, but guests staying in a larger Suite category room are granted extras like a spacious seating area appointed with a sofa and table, a large balcony and concierge service (in select suites). With a nearly 3-to-1 guest-to-crew ratio, crowd-free areas and tailored onboard experiences might be difficult to come by on Allure of the Seas. Still, while some reviewers lament the ship's lackluster customer service, others praise Allure's nonstop entertainment, highlighting the ship as an ideal choice for those in pursuit of enriching onboard experiences.
Launched in October 2012, the 3,046-passenger Celebrity Reflection is Celebrity's newest ship. With more features than its Solstice-class siblings, including a top-deck Lawn Club complete with an art studio and open-air grill, along with three additional suite class categories, the Celebrity Reflection sets itself from its mainstream competitors. One highlight is the Alcoves, an exclusive area where passengers can picnic and enjoy crowd-free cabana lounging (for an extra fee). And with 12 restaurants and six specialty dining venues, passengers have plenty of choices when it comes to cuisine. As far as cabins are concerned, compared to other
Celebrity ships, staterooms are 15 percent larger on average, and each comes appointed with a minibar, flatscreen TV and sitting area. Guests staying in one of the ship's AquaClass suites are rewarded with extra perks, like direct access to the spa, a 79-square-foot veranda and 24-hour butler service. While some past cruisers lament the limited daytime activities, many praise the versatile evening production lineup, which includes comedy acts and a cappella shows. Reviewers also compliment the ship's layout, citing the pool areas as particularly comfortable and never overly crowded. Though Celebrity Reflection can hardly be classified as intimate with a capacity for 3,000-plus passengers, thanks to nearly 2-to-1 guest-to-crew ratio, it offers a higher level of personalization than today's megaships, which lack the tailored experiences and quiet spaces.
The newest Cunard ship, Queen Elizabeth first set sail in 2010. With a capacity for a little more than 2,050 guests, Queen Elizabeth maintains a 1-to-2 crew-to-passenger ratio, providing more customization than you might find on a larger ship. Past cruisers say the crew provided fivestar service, especially during the embarkation and disembarkation process. Smaller than the cruise line's flagship, Queen Mary 2, Queen Elizabeth offers nearly 1,050 staterooms — 85 percent of which are outside cabins. What makes Queen Elizabeth's accommodations stand out from the rest of the Cunard fleet is the availability of nine single staterooms (starting in December 2014) — eight of which offer ocean views. In-room amenities include a minifridge, a half-bottle of sparkling wine, nightly turndown service and in the suites, walk-in closets and butler service. Daytime activities are just as diverse, with enrichment classes, afternoon tea and outdoor garden parties. While this ship does provide some supervised entertainment for kids, the fact that Queen Elizabeth offers more adult-centered activities was a major plus for recent cruisers. For those interested in improving their dance skills, Queen Elizabeth is the only Cunard ship to offer dance lessons on board. These lessons may come in handy for the ship's evening entertainment, which, like all Cunard ships, features themed balls and elegant evening galas. Travelers looking for a more lowkey atmosphere will find it at the ship's Yacht Club and Supper Club — both venues unique to Queen Elizabeth. Aside from its onboard entertainment, Queen Elizabeth also offers a versatile lineup of six restaurants, including the Queens Room — an intimate venue for afternoon tea only available on select Cunard ships. When you tire of dining in the main Britannia restaurant, head to The Verandah — the ship's specialty French restaurant.
Tips from Artist Georgette Holmes
Question 1 - What lip and eye colors will be the trendy/hot colors for the fall? Answer - There are three trends that will be popular for fall 2015. The first trend is red/berry lips. Many women are intimidated by the idea of wearing red lips because they think their lips are too full to bring that much attention to them or color is too bright. The trick is to find a shade that works with your style and personality. Red/berry lips come in a full range from bright fire engine red to cherry red, brick to deep burgundy. Play with different shades. You may be surprised by what you like once you see it on your face. The second trend is bronze eye shadow. Wearing shimmer shadow gives a brightness to your eyes. Bronzy shadows can come in a range of tones as well. There are cool bronze tones such as antique golds and there are warmer shimmer shades that have undertones of yellow and orange. The last make-up major trend of fall 2015 is graphic eyeliner. The most popular graphic eyeliner is a sharp winged liner. By using a sharp edge like a card or a piece of tape and placing it diagonal from your lower lash line to the end of your eyebrow, you can create a crisp, sharp line. Play around with different looks and techniques. You'll be happy you did. And remember, it's just make-up. If you don't like it, you can take it off and start over!
Question 2 - How often should you replace your make-up brushes? If you care for your brushes properly, you shouldn't ever have to replace them. Most brushes are synthetic fiber brushes or natural hair brushes. Both can be cleansed in the same way. Every few days, it is best to use a brush cleanser. My favorite one is MAC's brush cleanser. I put it in a pump spray bottle, spray it on a paper towel and GENTLY move my brush back and forth. The purpose of the cleanser is not only to remove product, but bacteria as well. Though the cleanser will remove most of the product, it will not cleanse it completely. Depending on how often you use your brushes, I recommend washing them every 2-4 weeks. Using a mild clarifying shampoo that is SLS free is best. Aveeno's baby shampoo is great as well. Use lukewarm water and wash the brushes with the bristles facing downward. Be very gentle while washing because you don't want to fray your bristles. You don't want to turn the brush upward (with the bristles at the top) while it's wet because water will drip into the furrow of the brush and loosen the adhesive of the bristles. Lay the brushes flat on a towel to air dry overnight. If you take care of your brushes they will take care of you!
Question 3 - Are you suppose to use hair glue for eyelash glue? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!! Step away from the hair glue! The eyes are very sensitive and must be protected. It is so much easier to get an eye infection then people realize and, if not treated properly, some eye ailments can result in blindness. I cannot say it enough...PLEASE be extra careful when it comes to anything around your eyes. Hair glue is so not formulated to be around such a delicate, sensitive area as your eyes. There is permanent lash adhesive available that is specifically designed for that purpose. It does cost about $8.00 more per bottle which is more expensive than hair glue at about $3.00. It also is not that easy to find. You either have to order it or find it at a beauty supply store that has professional products available. However, the small inconvenience of having to order it online is worth it to save your eyes. If you are going to a nail salon to have individuals applied and they don't have the eyelash adhesive, I recommend purchasing your own adhesive and taking it with you. There are added benefits to using the lash adhesive. 1) the adhesive doesn't loosen with water so you can cleanse your lashes well and not have make-up build up on your eyes. 2) The adhesive requires a specific remove to loosen it so you can take your lashes off safely and gently without damaging your own lashes or pulling them out. Other alternatives are to having individual applies is to get lash extensions. They
are a bit pricey but are worth it. They look great and you care for them just like natural lashes. The last option is to wear strip lashes which I do almost every day. It does take practice to get the hang of it, but when applied correctly, it is difficult to detect that they are strip lashes. The key is to get a pair that look natural.
Question 4 - Is it necessary to contour/highlight your face every day? Highlighting and contouring is not necessary, but it does add dimension to your face. Most of the time when highlighting and contouring is demonstrated, it is done so heavily with concealor or foundation. An alternative to have a softer look is to use powder only. It has a natural look while still giving your face depth. In the before and after picture, the features are more pronounced and the cheekbones look a bit more chiseled. The second photograph is behind the scenes at a clients' photo shoot. The light picks up the highlighted sections of her face well.
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The Journey of a Warrior-Maria Johnson Williams Interview By Myra Wallace There are not many people today who do not know of someone where cancer has infiltrated their lives. Be it personally, through a family member, friend or co-worker, this disease has affected us all in such a way that we all have a story to tell. With this month being Breast Cancer Awareness month, I thought it only appropriate to share the story of one of my dearest friends, whom I consider a warrior in the fight against Breast Cancer. Her story is not only personal to me; it is a testimony of faith and endurance. I had an opportunity to walk this journey with her, and that experience gave me a deeper appreciation and a reason for celebration for all the women (and men) who have fought the battle with cancer and for those still in the fight. Because there are many physical displays of the effects of breast cancer and it's treatments, many of us are unaware of the many hidden battles women deal with during this process, be it emotional, mental or social mountains to overcome. The effects of this disease go deeper than the loss of hair, and in some cases the loss of a woman's breast. Beauty Come Forth is honored to introduce to some and to share with others, the journey of a survivor, our BCF Warrior, Maria JohnsonWilliams. BCF-How old were you when you were diagnosed with breast cancer? Maria- I was 40 years old.
BCF-What was your first reaction? My first reaction was silence, and then the tears. I never ask Why Me? However I did say to myself I don't have time for this my kids were school age... 8th 10th and 12th grade. BCF-Had you known of anyone else who had been diagnosed with breast cancer? My mother had breast cancer years ago and I did know quite a few people that went through it as well.
BCF-Were there any indicators in your health to let you know something was wrong? I've always led a busy and full life, working full time and married with three beautiful kids. My kids were in sports, dance, and Boy Scouts and we were all very involved in church activities as well. So I did not have time to notice any indicators if they were there.
BCF-How did you tell your family? Well the first person was my husband and he was in shock. My Parents was next but the hardest was telling my 3 kids. I have never been in a situation so hard. The look on their faces still to this day makes me cry. My children were young and I hate they had to see me going through this. BCF-What was your family's response? Well, I let my Mother tell everyone in the family what was going on with me. Lol, I knew the word would get out. My Family is amazing. Each and everyone was so supportive. The love was so overwhelming. Not only was the family overwhelmingly supportive, I truly have amazing friends. From Church, social, coworkers to extended family friends. Two of my truly good friends were Myra (BCF Editor-in-Chief) and Karen were there for me all the time. These women are awesome. Myra wore a scarf on her head the during the time that I was bald. Karen and Myra were also there for me when I had my mastectomy. They touched each and everyone at the hospital who were going to have anything to do with me. They prayed with the staff and my family. This is something I will never forget. I did have others that was there in other special ways also.
BCF-How long have you been cancer free? I am now Celebrating 10 years of being Cancer free and I am one truly bless woman.
BCF-Are you affiliated with any cancer awareness organizations? If so which ones and what made you choose them? I am affiliated with the Susan G. Komen organization. Before I was diagnosed, I would go to the walks every year and walk in honor of my Mother, who is an amazingly strong beautiful woman who lived to share her testimony with me as well as others. And 2005, that Sunday morning while walking, I would have never guessed in a million years that that Monday I would find out that I had stage 4 breast cancer.
BCF-Were you working during the time of your diagnosis and treatment? Yes BCF-Aside from working and dealing with the news of your diagnosis, what were some of the other challenges you faced during your battle with breast cancer? The year before, our house burned and we were still dealing with that. In addition, my husband and I were not doing well with our marriage. He wanted a divorce. Not because of my cancer. I had just transferred from Kaiser Orange Co to Kaiser in Downey and I had only been in my new department 4 weeks before I found out about my diagnosis.
BCF-What inspired you to keep going, when you felt discouraged? There are three reason that kept me going: Brittany, Randi and Johnny. They are my kids who I decided to have and take care of for as long as the good Lord keeps me here on earth. I made a promise to my kids that I would be here for them. My children mean the world to me and as a mother and as a wife I felt I was going to overcome this and whatever I had to do, I did it. I did feel discouraged at times, I would pray and ask God to help me be strong, because the chemotherapy had me so weak.
BCF-What did a typical week look like for you during your time of treatment. A typical week during my treatment consisted of many doctors appointments. I was off work but I was at Kaiser almost 4 times a week. I would go places and try to get my mind off of things.
BCF-How has this experience changed your outlook on life? I never take life for granted. Going through my divorce was so much harder on me then going through cancer. I loved my husband more then I loved myself. I always tried to please him and others before myself. Well that has changed some. I read the word more so and try to feed it to others that this could happen to anyone of us.
BCF-What would you say is your greatest asset? I used to say my hair was my greatest asset, but now God gave me my life, it was not my time to go and I overcame this journey for a reason. I have read the book The Purpose Driven Life book twice and now I do believe I am here to share my story.
BCF-What is your greatest Joy? My Greatest Joys are a number of things. One I am proud to say that after all the chemotherapy and radiation and 3 surgeries I am alive and able to see my oldest child graduate from college. My son graduate from the Fire academy and my middle child and daughter give birth to the most beautiful baby girl. Yes I'm alive to see my granddaughter Zoe grow. She is the sweetest baby I've ever known.
BCF-What words of encouragement or advice do you have for a woman faced with the diagnosis of Breast Cancer? My words of encouragement and advice... First acceptance: you must accept what you are about to go through then give it to God and He will take care of the rest. Don't let anyone tell you that you are less then you are. My self esteem had been put down and I am building it back up by saying "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." I thank all of the three "F" who got me through this... Faith, Family and Friends.
Beauty Come Forth Webzine--- the New Beauty Paradigm….
VISION This BCF Online Magazine is a monthly magazine featuring articles that address the lifestyle of women in transition to greatness.
MISSION The mission of BCF Online magazine is to Inspire, Motivate and Transform women’s Beauty through; fashion, finance, fitness, food, health, environment, entertainment, relationship, charity and spirituality.
PURPOSE To “Cultivate inner beauty, the gentle, gracious kind that God delights in”
BCF COPYRIGHT 2015