BCF- FEBRUARY 2020

YOUR IMPACTFUL PRESENCE Impact, is what comes to mind when I think of my first encounter with Wendy. I use the word encounter purposely, and for those who knew her, you understand why.

Throughout my life, I have had the opportunity to travel the world and meet all kinds of interesting people. Some were memorable and some were not. Then there are those whom have had such an impact on me that they were unforgettable, not for any one particular thing said or done, but their total being was one that drew you into an unforgettable space. Yes, that is a person of impact. And that was Wendy M. Reynolds.

She had a way of talking to you that put you at ease and made you drop your guard as she penetrated your soul with words that healed, encouraged and uplifted you. She could make your heart smile in your saddest moment. A Ride-Or-Die girl to all her friends. I call her my Hot R.O.D. Those of you who have followed the Beauty Come Forth movement, you are very familiar with Wendy, as she was the Senior Managing Editor of BCF Online Magazine, which from the time she first encountered it, she became the driving force behind the success of it.

But long before Beauty Come Forth crossed her path, Wendy’s passion to inspire folks was already a huge part of who she was. With both a Bachelor’s and Master’s degree in Psychology, Wendy became a pioneer for purpose. She had an empowerment blog, Higher Heights, which is still available at wendym.wordpress.com.

She also worked as a counselor in the trenches with families in immediate crisis and was also a prayer warrior for all those she knew and for many she didn’t. She was a phenomenal woman who believed that we are here to make a difference and impact the world. And she did.Her death ushered in much grief for all of us who loved her, but boy did heaven gain a powerhouse! My flesh felt cheated, but my spirit is learning to rejoice, knowing she is receiving her greatest reward. Although I felt the world owed her so much more for all that she had given, I can hear her saying “It’s all good Sis. I’m good. Myra, I’m good.”

So many memories made. So many secrets shared. She was consistent and faithful to God first and to her family and friends to the end.

Always thinking of others first. No one will ever know the depth of sacrifices she made for the upliftment of others. Wendy was a catalyst, which would cause the very trajectory of people’s lives to change by her gentle, caring heart and wise words. As I said at her homegoing service, “If God had favorites, I’m sure Wendy was pretty high on his list.”

During our many long conversations or lengthy text threads, we would talk about everything. Many times continuing a conversation or sharing a thought thru text or email. Prior to her death, Wendy shared a few of her heart’s desires with me. One was her desire to travel, so my question was “Where should we go to celebrate your birthday?” And as in many cases, she replied via text “I think I want to do Italy for my birthday.” However, God upped her request and gave her Heaven. On another occasion, only weeks before her passing, she asked me to be her better health accountability partner, I agreed, but God one-upped me, and gave her complete healing.

As some of you may remember one of her sections in every issue of the BCF magazine was Wendy’s Word, which shall continue as a permanent part of every BCF issue, as she left me a boat load of her wise words to share.

Wendy’s gift of writing shall continue to bless, encourage and empower people even in her absence from this life, for she has started was a movement powered by her impact and fed by the wisdom in her word.

Her vision shall live on through her family, friends and sisterhood she formed during her short time on earth. Her desire to EMERGE and encourage others to do so by allowing the light in their individual lives to shine will also be well remembered. Her love for God and zeal to honor him was captured in every part of her life and because of it; she produced fruit of love that help lead others to Christ. Wendy, you compelled people to follow you, as you followed Christ allowing you to bear fruit into your old age in eternity. Your spirit shall live on Wendy Michelle Reynolds. I’ll love you forever, my dear Sister.

“AWAKENING” The awakening of someone who has been asleep for so long.

I know have the realization that I must sing my songThe understanding that I must say no, in order to accomplish my own taskThe ability to focus and follow through The determination to step out and do what I have to doThe importance of daily sitting at God’s feetThe confidence of knowing my needs he will meetThe belief that His mercies are new every dayThe strength to hang on and not fall awayThe courage to let my emotions showThe freedom to cry- the freedom to let go.

By Wendy M. Reynolds Written 1/2/01

WHY I TRADED THE PEDESTAL FOR A PLATFORM

WHY I TRADED THE PEDESTAL FOR A PLATFORM

By Janice R. Love

When others look at me they think I have the perfect life. For the most part they see me most Sundays dressed to the nines in my Sunday best with a big smile on my face. One look at my personal Facebook page and you will see plenty of comments about hubby and I being such a “cute couple”. Why shouldn’t my life be perfect after all I am happily married to my pastor husband who has led our historic church for over 30 years.

However, being the pastor’s wife or the “First Lady” does not come without challenges unique to the role.

One of the most difficult areas for me was when others attempted to place me on a pedestal. In this role, what some women may consider flattering became my worst nightmare.

First of all, being placed on a pedestal sets you up to be on display for the world to see. In my opinion the pedestal is equivalent to being on stage and having to be a perfect fit for the role. If flaws are present, they must be covered up. Of course others are quick to admit that no one is perfect, yet perfection is definitely the expectation.

Having been in this role for many years, in my heart of hearts I know others are not attempting to be harmful by having expectations of those of us who are women married to ministry. In fact, I believe for the most part, our church members take pride in their First Lady and think highly of us. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the admiration and the respect but when expectations become unrealistic, the pedestal can easily become a prison.

The first sign of imprisonment begins when you are tempted to hide imperfections and live up to the lofty expectations of others or the ones that you may have unknowingly placed on yourself. Living on the pedestal or stage means you are expected to be “in character” at all times. Trying to be all things to all people results in wearing a mask and becoming a people pleaser. It is impossible to be yourself.

The fear of being found out can be real. Once you are up there you have to work harder to remain on the pedestal. They say “what goes up must come down.” So all it takes is one unexpected flaw to be revealed or misstep to fall from people’s grace. In my early days as a new minister’s wife, I did all I could to keep from falling off the pedestal and the result was losing myself in the process.

I desperately needed to be me and my prayers were answered when I traded in my pedestal for a platform.

At first glance, one would believe that a pedestal and a platform are relatively the same. However, when you view our lives through the eyes of God they are as different as night and day. For starters, pedestals are man-made and platforms are God-given. Your platform is comprised of your beliefs, your vision and your dream. A God given platform raises your calling to a new level. The experience is also known as walking in your purpose and what I like to refer to as an “Esther” moment. It is the realization that “Perhaps this is the moment for which you have been created” (Esther 4:14).

Once your platform has been acknowledged and built upon, it becomes the one thing in your life that stands firm when there is change going on all around you. It is where God will do exceedingly abundantly more than you can ask or think (Ephesians 3:20). A great example of a platform is when former First Lady Michelle Obama made it her mission to change the health and well- being of America’s children. Her “Let’s Move” campaign and other healthy initiatives made a difference in the lives of people across the nation.

When I finally found my platform my life was changed forever. Since then I have been called to do the same for other women faced with the challenge of being placed on a pedestal. I am Janice R. Love and I help pastors’ wives and women married to men in ministry to emerge from the shadows of expectations, have happy and fulfilling marriages, and to stand on their own platform.

Are you ready to trade in the pedestal for your own platform?

Email: pearls@janicerlove.com Website: http://thefirstladycoach.com Twitter: @JaniceRLove10 Facebook: Pearls Perfected with Janice R Love Private FB group: http://yesiammarriedtoministry.com Instagram: thefirstladycoach Linkedin: Janice R. Love

IT’S TIME TO GRIEVE

By Jerlene Tatum

It was 1985 and I can still remember the phone call. I remember the adults attempting to whisper to each other “you tell her,” “no you should tell her.” A few minutes later my step-mom told me that my mother had died. I do not recall any further communication about my mother’s death from the adults in my life.

Over the course of the next three decades I experienced many more deaths, including my father, stepmother, grandfather, a mentor, multiple aunts and uncles. After each death I would “stay strong.” I usually took on the role of comforter, yet, rarely was I comforted.

One day, after having an emotional outburst in a community meeting, I was pulled aside by one of my elders, a licensed Family Marriage Therapist. He invited me to come talk to him and debrief. I was not sure what he meant about debrief, yet, I had a feeling it had to do with my outburst. It took me nearly three months before I accepted the invitation. During my first visit he made it clear that I was not there for therapy, but for life coach sessions. He instructed me to make a list of all of my losses and to bring it to my next visit. The list was to include deaths and major losses such as, employment or material items.

Once I returned home I slowly wrote out my list.

Tears immediately began to pour down my face to the point my writing was almost illegible. I then rewrote the list, yet, this time I included the age and year the loss took place. The list included walking away from a well paying job, the loss of a home, a car, and deaths of six people that were near and dear to me. My first loss read “Myself - age four” and the last item on my list was “Marriage - current.” I was so proud I had completed my assigned task that I typed the list to take to my next appointment.

I arrived to my appointment with two copies of my list. I was unsure of the purpose of the list, yet, I excitedly handed it over. He quickly glanced over it and laid it on the table. He then looked at me and said “it is now time for you to grieve.” In an elevated voice I responded “Grieve? What are you talking about? My mother died nearly 30 years ago, I don’t need to grieve. I handled all of the arrangements for my father’s funeral.

I went to therapy for several years to deal with my childhood traumas. Grieve what? And what does grieving have to do with anything?”

My new life-coach, whom had known me for about 10 years, yet not personally, had observed me and believed that I was beginning to implode. Up until our first session he did not know I was going through a divorce, nor was he aware of my many losses, yet, he knew within a few minutes of talking to me that I was in need of grieving. Without grieving I was carrying the weight of my losses, pain, sadness and tears that I had never shed.

That day I learned that I never properly grieved the many losses of my life. I had not grieved because I was never taught to or even given an opportunity to. It was that day with my list in hand that I began to grieve. As I replayed the day I learned of my mother’s death, not only did no one have a conversation with 8-year-old me about death, no one comforted me, or asked me how I was feeling.

Psychiatric professionals have told us that denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance are the stages of grief, I now understand that my father and step-mom did not know how to comfort an eight year-old with the loss of a loved one, therefore they did not.

A few months after beginning my grieving process, my father-in-law, my children’s grandfather passed away. Just as the times before I had to step up and be the strong one, I handled his memorial arrangements and I even delivered his eulogy. I also talked to my children about his death and the grieving process. We grieved as a family.

Unfortunately, I have suffered more losses, a finalized divorce and deaths of several people that I loved dearly. Yet, now I am intentional in allowing myself to grieve. I am able to because I understand it is a necessary process, regardless if it is caused by the loss of a job, a home or a loved one. I no longer feel like I need to be the strong one and I seek out comfort in my time of loss.

Twitter: @jerlenetatum Instagram: @jerlenetatum Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jerlene.tatum jerlene@tatumcordova.com

MANAGING DIVORCE FOR OPTIMAL RESULTS

By Million Heir-Williams

Welcome to the Life Coach 20/20 Series‌ Managing divorce for optimal results requires us to show up in excellence or continue to allow devastation, poverty, mental illness, and disease to determine our future legacy. As we plunge forth into the next decade, we must think beyond our everyday lives and develop consciousness and awareness for creating wholeness for ourselves, families as well as our communities.

However, in terms of building a family legacy, it requires commitment, integrity, intention, and learning how to re-language how we communicate with one another for positive outcomes.

When my children were young, we experienced divorce, and I never wanted my children to carry an internal language that sounded like, "I wonder if I am the reason my Mommy and Daddy are divorced?" I recall watching an Oprah Winfrey program years ago, and she interviewed a panel of adults whose families experienced a divorce. It seemed to be a unified thought process that, as children, they felt they somehow were the reason for their parent's divorce. I always remembered this interview and thought at the time how awful that must be for a child to take on the emotional ownership of their parents' decision.

What a horrible weight for a child to possess and carry internally (most parents would never know their child is thinking like this). I prayed and asked GOD to provide something that I could do to offset this type of thought from entering my children's minds at the time.

God answered my prayer and gave me this concept of starting a family conference with my children. We met every Friday evening for about two years. I made sure that this conference time was protected. Since my children were so young at the time, we met in my king size bed, and I created this motto, "If it hurts on the inside, you have to say it out loud."

I provided a safe forum for my children to be heard and accepted. I also permitted them to hate me because I left their Dad. I realized in the mind of a child; they probably viewed Mommy splitting up the family, so we had to discuss it.

One thing I never did to my children's emotional development was to talk bad about their Dad in front of their faces. Lord knows, the thoughts were there. However, this was not the burden for them to bear. I always knew that they had enough time in life to draw their conclusions as time went by. Good, bad, or indifferent.

We eventually graduated to the living room, and they each spoke so eloquently. I didn't realize at the time I was fostering exceptional communication skills in my children. All three of them possess outstanding speaking abilities and are very confident adults.

During this time, it truly knitted our hearts together for a long-term wealth-building relationship.

I was creating a forum for legacy development way back then and certainly wasn't aware of the importance and how it would reflect in our later years. My children and I are very close to this day.

You must build a viable relationship with your children and do not expect just because you have them that a healthy relationship automatically happens. You must nurture support, trust, show them authenticity, integrity, love, sincerity, genuineness, establish boundaries, affirm them, and always have an ear to listen to their hearts.

Parents do not always have the correct answers, and frequently, we don't make the right decisions, let alone being correct all the time just because you are the parent. That old traditional mindset is not conducive to respecting the fact that your child is a human being with thoughts, feelings, aspirations, and curiosity. I always referred to my children as "Little People." You should respect them and help promote their highest good on the earth. Ask GOD, what your children's gifts/talents are, and be responsible for nurturing those gifts. Additionally, for guidance on how to help them navigate to their respective purposes or positions in life.

Families that experience divorce, usually the parents, are so entangled in their fears, issues, challenges, etc. that the children frequently go unheard, as to what they are truly feeling and thinking. Many times, the children will start acting out in school, and other places and parents don't correlate this changed behavior to the family separation. Now the children must adapt to this new norm without any emotional support through the process. Most times, the parents need just as much therapy as the children do going through this traumatic scenario. There is no one to help them navigate through these foreign thoughts that start to arise. If the parents don't see the need for family therapy, most times things are left unchecked, and this starts a series of additional dysfunctional occurrences to commence in their lives.

Tips for Optimal Results: ¡ Get everyone's ideas for creating a family mission statement and hold everyone accountable for the mission. ¡ Pick a time to start your family conference and get everyone involved in the discussion.

路 Re-language your communication in your household. 路 Provide a safe environment for your house. The outside world is ugly on its own, and home should be a place of refuge. 路 Provide an atmosphere of self-care for you and the children (i.e. talk about ideas that assist in the area of self-care). 路 As I drove my children to school, they each had to come up with a positive affirmation, and we would all have to repeat it ten times.

As a parent, you are responsible for more than shelter and food. Seek to build a legacy for your family starting today! #FamilyLegacyDevelopment www.EffectuaLifeCoaching.com Facebook: EffectuaLifeCoaching Twitter: EffectualCoach Instagram: @effectualifecoaching Linkedin: Linked.com/in/EffectuaLifeCoaching 323.435.6789

MAKE YOUR BODY GLOW IN 2020!

By Stacy McClendon

We must treat our body, our largest organ, with care and love as it is our temple. It always makes sure that we do what we need to do daily. It’s very important to be proactive and take care of our temple, as the effects of ignoring this can be extremely damaging.

One way of making sure this happens is to have regular spa body treatments. There is a plethora of spa treatments to choose from a myriad of locations. I, personally, have lots that I adore and crave. You can NEVER pamper yourself enough in my world!

However, there is one that leaves my body glowing and feeling supreme. It is none other than the Korean Full Body Scrub. The total treatment takes between 30-50 minutes. Prior to your treatment, you are sent to relax in the jacuzzi for 15-20 minutes. Once fully relaxed and ready, your therapist will call you into the wet room, where they have you lay on a table and rinse your body from the neck down with warm water. Then the therapist will use traditional Korean scrubbing mits to exfoliate you from the neck down, which removes layers of dead skin and toxins. Once complete, your body is left feeling and looking soft, vibrant and smooth as a baby’s.

This treatment is extremely relaxing, rejuvenating and refreshing. I recommend doing this between 2-3 times a year, as your skin is constantly growing and needs to be exfoliated to remove dead skin cells.

It would also be a great idea to treat yourself to a facial.

Together your whole body will be cleansed, purified and happy. Your face will be detoxified and cleansed, while removing impurities and revealing a new layer of skin.

Check with your clinician to get the perfect facial for your skin type and present needs.

I would recommend spending at least a ½ day at the spa.

This will allow you to utilize the various Therapeutic rooms offered upon spa entry, prior to your whatever treatments you receive.

The spa I frequent for these treatments is called Tikkun Holistic Spa. It is located in downtown Santa Monica. With any treatment purchased, you can use the therapeutic rooms for free during spa hours (Far Infrared Room, Korean Clay Room, Himalayan Salt Room, Ice Room, and Sauna and Steam room). These rooms have amazing health benefits for the body. Visit www.tikkunspa.com for treatments and more info. If you are ever in Southern California strongly consider trying it.

The spa can be a solo or group experience. It is fun to make a day out of it and have a nice lunch or dinner afterwards.

Either way, your body will thank you.

If you’re on a budget, have staff recommend treatments that you can afford. It is better to treat your body to something, rather than nothing. Most spas always have recommended treatments, combos and specials to offer to guests. I would also recommend purchasing a spa entry as another alternative when money is a little too tight. This allows you to utilize all the wonderful therapeutic rooms, spa and sauna on your own, without a treatment. Utilizing these rooms still offers detoxification, relaxation and health benefits, at a fraction of the cost. You can always get a treatment later, but you will be happy that you took that step toward giving your body what it needs and frankly, deserves.

Our bodies and minds need a break from the outside world and elements from time to time. The busyness of life, work, family and commitments can break us down slowly, if we fail to slow down.

When you fail to stop and take inventory of yourself, you leave it up to your body to tell you that you need to stop. This can have detrimental effects to your body. Life can be full of ups, downs and stresses and this is one way to combat this. Entering a quiet and peaceful realm is necessary to maintain mental and physical health.

Let us be Proactive in 2020, instead of reactive. Let us pay attention to ourselves. Let us pay attention to the symptoms and stop them in their tracks before they escalate and get out of hand.

Let us spend quiet time with God and ourselves.

Take the first step by booking your appointment now. Your body, mind and spirit will thank you for it, as they will all be refreshed, renewed and ready to take on more in life.

If you decide go to Tikkun Holistic Spa, tell them Stacy sent you to receive a special discount!

Email: stacymcclendon@hotmail.com Facebook: Stacy Mc Instagram: butterflyfree73 Twitter: @butterflyfree73

BLACK DESIGN COLLECTIVE A Non-profit Charity Organization In celebration of Black History month, we are proud to feature the Black Design Collective, an organization that clearly represents the power of black design and the impact it has had on the industry in the past and the influence it shall have in the future.

Black Design Collective is an organization of accomplished designers that have impacted the fashion industry through their ready to wear, bespoke and film designs. With headquarters in Los Angeles, the group seeks to create a platform for designers of color to develop, produce and market their products globally, and to create a mentorship program for aspiring designers. Young designers will have an opportunity to work alongside a mentor and gain valuable knowledge and hands-on experience.

Additionally, a scholarship fund will be established to assist young designers in their pursuit of higher education in the field of fashion design and costume design.

Over the course of last year Black Design Collective implemented a series of events and programs that inspired, educated and empowered designers and fashion students. At the 2019 Scholarship Gala, the organization presented their first student scholarship and paid tribute to Ruth E. Carter, the First Black Woman to Win an Academy Award for Costume Design For “BLACK PANTHER.�

The organization has gained much momentum over the past year, delivering a variety of informative and empowering events, including membership meetings, panel discussions, private screenings and workshops.

Black Design Collective has big plans for 2020 and our magazine plans to keep our readers informed of all the exciting things this organization has to offer. Beauty Come Forth will feature designers from the organization in the fashion section of our upcoming issues. Make sure to keep an eye out and an ear open for their 2nd Annual Scholarship Gala to take place April 18th, 2020.

For more information on becoming a member, attending upcoming events or how you can support this charitable organization, go to their website; www.blackdesigncollective.com

If The Bra Fits

By Casonna Gibson Oh the wonderful world of bras! An essential part of most of our daily lives and a source of frustration!

From those that promised to lift and separate to promises of the absolute perfect fit. All I want to do is burn them, but I’ve got to put one on in the morning! Why does it seem that they just don’t fit? Here’s my story.

My own earliest bra memory is, coming home from 6th grade on a sunny afternoon to find two white lace padded bras waiting for me! Oh the joy! “I’m a woman now!”

32B is what the tag read and I wore them with pride! As I and they (the girls) grew, I figured the number should get bigger just like my pants and dress sizes did. So by ninth grade, I was in a 36C and had been given the moniker by one of my classmates, Eric Mitchell, “Baby Dolly” (as in Dolly Parton)! I felt betrayed by my girls and my bras! I wasn’t supposed to get so big that I would be called “Baby Dolly”!

The next ten years would be filled with my girls falling out, not really feeling supported, this weird arc on my back from the bra band, hoisting them with my straps, shoulder bruises and just buying what I thought was my size. I was a 36C, darn it! Right? Well, it was what I had been wearing since I was fifteen and they are NOT any bigger! I mean, all there was to buying a bra was to pick a number and cup that looked like your size. Right? So what was the problem? The problem was that I had never been sized or fitted for a bra.

Lucky for me, I had a client with a very ample bust line that would put Ms. Parton to shame! Her girls were always so perky and perfect. So, I talked to her and asked her where did she shop for bras. She shared with me the name of an independent specialty bra shop and I was there the next day. The shop owner was very nice and asked me what size I was wearing. I responded, “36C.”.

She proceeded to take a few different measurements and picked out a sample bra for me to try on, and, OMG! There was such a huge difference in the fit! My girls were finally in the right place and no more aching shoulders. It was a miracle! I wasn’t a 36C but a 32F! What? An F! I thought bra cups only went up to D… Oh no, ladies! There are cup sizes from A to Z, but most of us have just kind of guesstimated what size to wear and 80% of us are totally wrong!

If you relate to my story in any way, there is hope for you. Finding a bra that really fits IS possible, so here are a few tips for you.

Go to a better wear department store like Nordstrom or Neiman Marcus and ask to be sized. This is done at no charge to you. Some of the well-known lingerie and bra stores can only size you up to what they carry, which in most cases is a DDD cup. And if your torso is below 34 inches you will continue to feel frustration.

Go prepared to spend some time.

Give yourself an hour or two to try on bras. Wear a slightly fitted white top so you can really see how the bra looks under your clothes. Try on lots of styles to find what works. There is a myriad of styles from demi cup, full coverage to minimizers. Once you find a style and/or brand you like, do not assume you can now just pick up your size and go. Different styles within the same brand can fit differently so try on EVERY bra before you purchase.

Do the “shake” test. After you have put the bra on, bend over at your waist and give the girls a shimmy and a shake. Are they still in position? This will, to some degree, mimic all daywear.

Make the investment. If you are above a D cup, you will likely spend more on your bras, typically $69 or more.

Get re-sized periodically. If you gain or lose weight, have had some sort of augmentation like reduction or enhancement, you should be sized again.

There is an app for that! Check out the Bra Sizer app. It will walk you through how to measure yourself and figure out what size you are. I have used it and it is fairly accurate but nothing beats trying on a bra.

It is just a letter. Once you get over the shock of the letter, get what really fits. We would never wear a shoe two sizes too small, so let us give our girls the same respect!

Not just black and white. There are beautiful bras in every size and color so don’t worry that you’ll only be able to wear black, nude or white. Now go get your girls in gear!

Casonna Gibson Casonnag@casonna.com Fb: Casonna IG: @casonnag

FEARLESS AND FOCUSED A REAL TALK WITH ANGELA NICHOLS

By Lanette White HOW DID YOU GET STARTED? When I was young, I used to attend Hollywood premiers with my aunt, who worked as a publicist. We would have to stay to the end to watch the credits ad I would ask her why and she would show me her name and the names of her friends. She told me that those were the people that really made all of the things that I saw on screen possible. I decided at the tender age of 10 that I wanted to work behind the scenes in entertainment. I was going to become a publicist.

After I graduated from Long Beach Poly High School, I moved to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania to attend Chestnut Hill College and majored in Communications and Technology. I had internships at Warner Bros. in New York, and Allied Integrated Marketing in Philadelphia.

After I graduated, I returned to Southern California in 2001 with the intentions of pursuing my career but those thoughts intersected with the tragedy of 9/11 and my dream was deferred. I interviewed everywhere and none of the studios were hiring. So I high-tailed it back to Philly and got a job in marketing. I stayed there and worked for various entities; however, I decided to move back home permanently a few years later.

I returned and got a job in marketing and promotions but lost it about a year and a half later. I was very sad but I kept the faith that God was going to take care of me. I wasn’t afraid of leaving the familiar and I wasn’t afraid of being without a job, so I just intensified my focus on God and his plan for me. I went through this for twentytwo months. That is when things changed for me. I had changed.

I was working as a hostess for an industry event. I mean it was just directing people and helping them get what they needed. It just so happen, I met the Executive Producer of the Rikki Lake Show and I was

very helpful. Two weeks later I received a call and was asked to be this person’s Executive Assistant. I took the job and the rest is history!

WHAT WAS THE HARDEST THING ABOUT CHASING SUCCESS? Changing my definition of what success was.

Success was not how many shows or movies that I had produced. It was the quality of the relationships that I had built on my career path. It took me quite a while to get that and to surrender my career to God. I still wanted to work in entertainment but me not working in that arena did not mean I was unsuccessful.

I have now had the opportunity to work on several daytime talk shows including the Rikki Lake Show, Queen Latifah Show, the Steve Harvey Show as part of the production team. I have steadily been promoted from Executive Assistant to Senior Associate Producer. At this point in my career, I don’t even have to interview.

I say this not to brag, but to give credit to God for his favor and blessings on my life. My ability to move around in this business has been based on me changing my definition of success. That paradigm shift changed everything for me.

WHAT IS THE BEST PART OF WHAT YOU DO? Changing people’s lives by telling their story. I found the little girl who sang “If Only You Knew” by Patti Labelle for the Steve Harvey show. She was so talented and humble. That exposure got her a chance to meet Ms. Labelle and future projects. That’s the best part.

THE MOST REWARDING EXPERIENCE THAT YOU’VE HAD THUS FAR? When I got promoted to Senior Associate Producer on the Steve Harvey Show and received an introduction to Mr. Harvey. He was very nice and I felt very honored to be on the floor with him, as he was so successful and very professional. He was complimentary and genuinely happy for me.

ANY LAST THOUGHTS ABOUT WOMEN IN THE MIDST OF CHASING THEIR DREAMS?Yes, be prepared for the drought.

There will be hard times, whether they be losing money, jobs or friends. You have to be ready and not afraid to do something else until an opportunity presents itself.

“HMM…, WHAT A THOUGHT.”

By Sicola Elliot

I live in Los Angeles, where driving five miles per hour on any freeway is kind of a “thing.” Yes, you read that correctly; that wasn’t a typo: F-I-V-E miles per hour. On a freeway. Any freeway. In L.A. If you don’t know anything about Los Angeles, I invite you to come and visit. I guarantee you will be talking about the I-405 when you return to home. The days us “natives” are going any faster than the normal five miles per hour on the I-405, are a must to look up, out of the front windshield (like you all do naturally, everywhere else...) just to check if there is a traffic angel carrying us along—because only an act of God can get traffic moving in LA. As much as we hate it, we jump on the freeway in full anticipation of what lies ahead—brake lights and thousands of slow-moving cars.

Not too long ago I was driving my kids to North Hollywood to visit with their aunt for a couple of days. The radio wasn’t playing, and the kids were on their devices. It was just me and the road as far as I was concerned, which is cool, because I am determined to be the one person on the road who is actually paying attention. (To all you texting-and-driving people out there, enough is enough! It’s way too dangerous out here.) With that said, I am a defensive driver these days. I have to be: I am traveling with precious cargo—my family—which means that I have four corners and two sides of my car to keep out of harm’s way. In more simple terms, I stay on alert. With my alertness, I scan the freeway, and the drivers.

But on this particular day, with the beautiful silence that filled the car, my mind started to wander. There was a red and yellow taco van in front of me that read, “.95 cent tacos.”

First, I wondered if the tacos were any good, and then I wondered if the driver was happy.

I thought to myself, “Hmm...what a thought.” It seemed so random—and in fact it was—but in general, I think about people all the time. But to be thinking about the driver in this van, who I couldn’t even see?

That was a stretch. If curiosity was a person, it would have popped out of nowhere, asking me, “Did you call?” Because within seconds, I started wondering about all the drivers that had passed me by, or were at a standstill next me, or who were just flowing with traffic in the opposite direction. I started to wonder about their happiness, too.

I wondered how many people on the road had just lost someone, or were driving to a job that made them sick to their stomachs. I wondered how many were fighting depression, or just got in a fight with someone that they loved. I wondered how many of them woke up and felt worthy—or unworthy. I wonder if they felt seen...or alone.

I didn’t wonder about how many “followers” they had, or if by chance I was on the road with a billionaire, because those things just don’t matter. I wondered if they were happy and if they felt loved, because that is what we need more than anything in this life.

I wondered—if our cars came with LED Roof Signs that displayed our current feeling/mood, like the signs that display on taxis—what would those displays read?

If traffic stopped, which—as aforementioned above—it does often, and the LED signs were on, I wondered how many miles apart I would find the Happy signs?

This is just a guess, but the LED lights on people’s cars would probably be flashing many different feelings and moods, because in some way, shape or form everyone is dealing with something.

After allowing my imagination and curiosity to run wild, I did the only thing that I could in that moment.

I blasted a prayer from the four corners and two sides of my car covering every driver in the area and beyond.

There is so much that disconnects us. But if I can be on one freeway thinking about people by the thousands, you can take the time to think about the people that are within an arm’s reach. You have the time to get curious about people you don’t know. Curious about what they may be feeling. And you have time, just like me, to send a silent prayer.

Being that we are all connected, it’s sad that we’re so disconnected.

When we start wondering about each other, we’ll be on a path where we can begin to instinctively start caring about each other, because when we start caring about each other, humanity will change.

I said a small prayer for all of the moving cars because happy people shine their light. And we are all in need of more light in the world.

Sicola Elliot Sicolaelliott@gmail.com

DATING IN THE 21 CENTURY – I HATE IT HERE st

By Nailah Sabah

First let me begin by saying I don’t mind being single. It is dating that has me dazed and confused.

At times I feel like shouting on a rooftop in my quintessential 90’s voice, “Is there a heart in the house tonight?” Unfortunately, it seems no one is standing up.

Being newly single in my 40’s after being married is terrifying. Trust me it’s only odd because of all the rules. Don’t text back too quick. Don’t post him on social media. Do you go half on a date because I guess we’re feminists again? Is it me or the men our age don’t like us, but the late 20year-old babies do? I’m sorry, but if you were in elementary school when Cash Money took over the 90’s and 2000’s, we cannot date. It is all so exhausting.

To be clear, dating sucks in this new era. When I started dating in the 90’s things were simple.

Guys had to come at you quick because they may never see you again. You gave them your number with the hopes that they would call you or the fake number because God forbid if they did. Then a relationship may come from that. Now what do we have? Facebook, Instagram, and cell phones. Now guys have no reason to act right. Trying to get a text back is the equivalent of solving the Rubik’s Cube, so the odds are it’s not happening.

Let me introduce the new way to meet people and it’s called online dating. Black People Meet, Plenty of Fish, and Tinder, to name a few, are some of the sites people use. Being exposed to this new idea was a bit weird but hey, if I could watch Prince’s Under the Cherry Moon, I could do anything.

Let me walk you through my experience. I won’t tell you which site I used but trust me they are all the same. So first you create a profile. Then you must put up a picture, otherwise no one will pick you. Then you answer all these questions about yourself so the computer can generate matches. After lying to the site (yes, I lied) presto the matches appear. When I pressed submit, every Tom, Dick, and Urkel hit my screen. At one point I wondered what exactly did I say in my answers that would have the site betray me in this manner. Who are these people? God, who did I hurt in my past life to get this batch of men? When you get your collection of profiles you can choose them or swipe uninterested. So, there I was swiping ‘no’ with my pinky finger extended like the Queen of the Universe. I swear all these men were beneath me. It was a combination of the good, the bad, and the ugly. Yes, the ugly! One of the men had a selfie completely naked with his little backside sitting in the background in the picture. Needless to say, no more online dating for me.

Now here we are with Valentine’s Day approaching. The dumb day of love. Of course, it’s only dumb when your cuddle buddy is the body pillow you bought on Amazon claiming you needed it for your back problems. And no sista girl with the great ideas I’m not coming to your “We Don’t Need a Man Empowerment” session. I’m not about to sit in another sista girl circle drinking tea and writing down my top three attributes.

With all that being said, let me give you my road map to survive as a single woman in this day and age. #1 Who Cares?

I need you to not care. Not care if you are the only one singl; don’t have any children or any prospects of both. You need to be able to sit at the holiday table and be comfortable in the life you have now. #2 Love Yourself Again A lot of times it is hard to find someone compatible because we are not in love with ourselves.

Take yourself out on a date. Go on a staycation in town alone. Learn how to be alone in your own space. Once you are comfortable with being you, then you will truly be open to accept a mate. #3 Don’t Settle The only thing that settles is the ground and even concrete cracks under pressure. I don’t care how nice his beard is and how he looks in grey sweatpants, don’t do it sis. We are not helping another man promote his mix tape or pay his child support. Yes, some women are paying another man’s child support. Also, stop fixing these men for the next woman to scoop up. The only project you need in your life is for your own well-being. He needs to be on your level or above. No excuses.

Is it possible to find beauty in even the smallest of things? Life at times can be so complex and filled with obstacles and pain that even the extremely happy go lucky person can be brought to tears. We spend only a short time in our life as children with no worries or cares in the world.

The most we had to worry about was cleaning our room and doing homework. Now here we are as adults. If you are like me, sometimes I hate it here, but we must learn to see the beauty in everything. Love is a many splendored, confusing, odd, worrisome, thing, but trust me, this time when you approach it, you will be ready to juggle all that comes with it. msnailahsabah@gmail.com Instagram: Nailah.Sabah

BIG THINGS OFTEN HAPPEN IN

SMALL PLACES

By Barbie Flores

Sitting here nursing what I call a dumb burn on my forearm, I began to think that I was doing too much in my tiny home kitchen. I was moving too fast, cooking and baking multiple things at the same time, and all my dishes had so many steps in the recipes.

I also reasoned that maybe I would not have tapped my arm on a hot pan if I had a little more elbow room to work with at home.

Part of the problem might be in the size of project. Do you cook like it’s Thanksgiving all the time? I confess, I want to cook EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME. No meal plan is too big or too involved in my head.

Because of this, it’s easy to find myself in grocery stores, purchasing excessively. This can lead to a crowded kitchen.

Lately, I am reforming and really trying not to over-shop. Some people have this issue with Target; I have this issue with the grocery store.

In a small kitchen, another great challenge often arises when we’re cooking everything on the same day.

It’s easy to run out of space to set up things, simmer, cool, and store food.

Cooking is really about organization. There is a thing called, “Mise en place”, which is French for “Everything in its place”. This means getting all one’s ingredients measured out, including the right equipment together, before a single thing is cooked. With limited counter space, Mise can be next to impossible to accomplish, especially if you are cooking multiple things at the same time.

In a small space, organization is everything or it quickly becomes “Mess en place”.

Here are some helpful hints for a small kitchen: Free Up Counter Space: Remove any unnecessary small appliances cluttering up the counter. You don’t need the Belgian Waffle maker out, unless you’re about to make waffles.

If possible, mount magnetic racks for knives. For about $20 dollars, you can hook equipment on the walls. I also utilize my space above the cabinets or on the top of the fridge for storage. Get rid of the clutter!

Create More Work Surfaces: A small butcher block island on wheels or a table works like a dream. In my kitchen, I stage a small folding table right in the middle. It’s perfect for light-weight equipment or for plating. I know chefs who actually keep a professional speed rack in their home kitchen. Speed racks are used to store everything from spices to pots and pans. And these have wheels!

Prep Smart: Place just the ingredients for your recipe in front of you. The rest should stay in the pantry. You don’t need a bunch of plastic mise cups cluttering the counter during production. This isn’t a food channel where everything is staged and demo-ed. Minimizing the prep means some of the chopping might be done ahead of time, measured out, then stored in plastic bags in the fridge until you are ready for them. To save more space and time, it is also helpful to choose recipes which have fewer ingredients and cooking steps in them.

Minimize Equipment: Multi-use appliances take up less space in the kitchen. I recently purchased a small food processor, to handle quick chopping, blending and pureeing. It cleans up easily and stores well.

These can be purchased for about $38 dollars at Amazon and are well worth the money. Consider a crockpot for one-dish wonders. Bullet mixers can do the work of both blending and pureeing. I use a large Paella pan as my go-to skillet for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Insta Pots are also versatile. Don’t be afraid to experiment a little. Did you know you can make a frittata or a cheesecake in an InstaPot? Work Clean: Learn to wash your equipment as you go and put things away. It’s nice to have less to clean up after you’ve finished and feel the couch calling.

Shop Smart: Make a list for the grocery store and purchase only what’s on your list. If you feel the urge to buy more than you planned to, text yourself a reminder about the next dish and keep it moving.

Manage Your Time: Pay attention to recipe times, and create a production schedule. Cook over several days if possible. Stick to the schedule. I tape my printed schedule to the kitchen wall or keep my tablet open to follow it in order. Timers also tell me when I am ahead and where I’ve fallen behind in the window I’ve given myself. Soon, you will come to rely on watching the clock as you cook. This keeps you organized.

Final advice I can give, is that it’s okay to be ambitious in our small kitchens. It is possible to make big things happen with great planning. You will improve your experience and of course, avoid burns when things start to get hot.

Barbie Flores missbarbieflores@gmail.com Barbie Flores is a chef-caterer in Southern California. Her food and travel stories can be found on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter @ChefBarbieFlores

NOW YOU

KNOW

By Sheila Taylor

My dad was a man of few words, but his one-sentence lines often spoke volumes. When we faced the consequences of a bad choice he would simply say “Now you know.” Boy did those words pack a punch!

So matter of fact and to the point. He didn’t feel the need to rehash the incident because the consequences became our teacher. Our heavenly father often operates in a similar fashion. He revealed this truth to me in the most stunning way that continues to leave me in awe of Him to this day.

It began with a sneeze. One that was unlike any other time because with it came a jolt of pain down my left arm like an electric shock. Then it happened again, and it kept happening because I suffered with allergies. My initial visit to the doctor brought no relief or answers. I was sent home to deal with the pain.

While at home lying on my couch, at a loss for what to do next, I got a call from my doctor’s nurse. She said he was bothered by my symptoms and was concerned that something neurological was going on and referred me to a neurosurgeon. After an MRI, it was determined that I had a congenital condition called Arnold Chiari Malformation. This was essentially a malformation of my brain stem, which caused it to be a few centimeters too long and compressed into my spinal cord. As I reflect on that day, the onset of symptoms that were later diagnosed as a congenital brain malformation, I see how God used that season in my life to reveal, in a deep and profound way, the depth of His love for me.

I was forty-one years old when I got this diagnosis. I had just gone through a divorce the year before and purchased a home for myself and my two little girls around that same time. They were preschool age and I was driven by the desire to create stability for them in the midst of the breakup of their parents. In hindsight, I wonder if the stress of those times was a contributing factor to the symptoms I experienced.

After an MRI, I was scheduled to undergo surgery to reduce the pressure my brain stem was causing on my spinal cord. The procedure was delicate and lasted several hours. God’s hand of protection and provision came in many forms including my family

support with my little girls and meals prepared by my church family. This whole experience was filled with miracles because doctors explained that Arnold Chiari Malformation is generally known to be a pediatric condition and children sometimes haven’t survived. Yet, here I was, forty-one years old and approaching midlife when I was diagnosed. Over those years, this unseen danger was dormant in my spinal cord. Additionally, I was diagnosed quickly because, the MRI ordered by the doctor was the only test that detects Arnold Chiari Malformation.

I came through the surgery just fine and I did not even need physical therapy or the post-operative insertion of the stint in my spine as originally anticipated. I had a great outcome and recovery, but God later revealed to me the magnitude of his blessings. About a year after the surgery, I had my annual GYN appointment. The doctor cared for me through fibroid tumors, surgery to remove them and complicated pregnancies of both of my daughters. As we caught up on the past year, I shared with her the Arnold Chiari Malformation diagnosis and the surgery. She stood there in awe and she said to me that someone was looking out for me. I said to her “yes I know.” She went on to recount the fibroid tumor surgery and that she had to do reconstructive surgery because of the number of tumors she removed. That required I have a C-Section delivery whenever I had a baby. She said the reconstructive surgery was necessary but she didn’t know at the time how necessary, that it likely saved my life because the pushing from a vaginal delivery would have put pressure on my brain stem that would likely cause me to die in child birth.

This was a God moment that left me stunned to my core. My heavenly Father brought to my spirit the phrase that my earthly dad so aptly spoke to us to convey a truth—“Now you know.” He revealed the depth of His love and protection toward His daughter who struggled with doubts and fears. His daughter who questioned her significance and purpose. He revealed how His hand has been on my life, even as I was formed in my mother’s womb. He protected me from illness and injuries that would have allowed this congenital condition to severely alter or take my life. He gave me an incredible gift of revelation of His unconditional love. Now I know---Indeed.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not to your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path. Proverbs 3:3-5 Facebook Sheila Taylor Instagram: Sheilataylor14 Twitter: SheilaATaylor14 Linkedin: Sheila Harris-Taylor

MAKING LOVE WORK

By Myra Wallace-Walker Love can be a bit tricky at times, that is if it’s wi th someone you actually like. Personally, I’ve always believed that even if you take love out of the equation, successful marriages, relationships and/or partnerships require some of the same things: you to put the work in, stay committed and to be entered into soberly. I admit at first glance, adopting this idea of making love work, may lack the luster of the storybook romance offered up to us as young girls, but in the real world, we have to look at the elements that exist in today’s social environments.

So with this being the month where couples around the globe are celebrating love, sending dozens of red roses and See’s Candies’ lines are out the door. I think it is only appropriate to talk about what it takes to make a true love relationship work. Now for my disclaimer. I can only speak from personal experience and since I most probably have more years behind me than I do ahead, I will speak candidly about the work my husband and I put into making this “love thing” work within the confines of marriage.

So often I’ve heard seasoned couples and marriage counselors say “it’s important to communicate.” Well I’d like to take that statement a little further and say it’s vital to the livelihood of a good, solid relationship, to communicate. It is your lifeline and without it, the relationship will drown in silence. Communication is multi-dimensional and is not always conveyed through a spoken word, but through your actions and for us women, our reactions. My spouse and I do our semi-annual “is this working ok for you?” checkups. Real talk. We discuss the things that are working as well as the things that are not. Over time, the list of things that work gets longer and the latter list shrinks.

We make a special effort to speak each other’s love language, although there are times that he seems to be speaking Greek and I’m responding in Spanish. Then we both come to terms with the fact that we are getting nowhere, so we find a resolution by resorting back to speaking each other’s love language. By doing so, we eventually arrive at a place that we can give a little positive reinforcement to keep us going.

Speaking of keeping us going, this brings me to my next point. I’m sure we all can agree that life, in general, keeps most of us on the move. I know that juggling my life as the wife of a global corporate executive, mother, business owner, an entrepreneur, flight attendant, while managing two households and living bicoastal, gives me a whole new understanding of literally, being

stretched in all directions. So yes, it’s safe to assume that in my life, time is of the essence, and managing our lives to assure quality time is well spent, is where I put the work in.

So how does an insanely busy couple like us, make it work?

We’ve learned to prioritize, compromise and reward ourselves.

For instance, there are times when he is out of the country on business and there is no flexibility in his work schedule, but I may have some wiggle room in mine, so if he happens to be in a country that my airline flies to, I will rearrange my flight schedule, work a trip laying over where he is so we can hook up and go out on the town for a nice dinner. And vice versa, during the holiday season, when he’s off work, he comes with me on my work trips and we enjoy time together experiencing food and culture around the world.

Now some may say that my husband and I live extraordinary lives. And yes, we may be a bit extreme in our lifestyle, but I say the principle remains the same. If you are in a love relationship you must both be willing to put the work in to make love work. Is it easy as it sounds in my scenario? Absolutely not. Is it always sexy and romantic? Not at all. Does it always go as planned?

No way. Is it worth going for it? Yes! Love is a decision and we must say “yes” to that decision every single day, not only in words, but in action. In spite of our unfavorable circumstances, financial challenges, bad decisions, personal distractions and disagreements, we find time for each other. Sometimes we catch a jazz festival, work out at the gym together, binge watch our favorite shows, have long discussions about life and our plans after retirement, or take power walks around the lake. We even take turns cooking for one another. We’ve learned to take what we can get and accept what is not ours to have. We rejoice in the fact, that our lives will not always be this hectic and that the small sacrifices we make to bypass immediate gratification always rewards us with the simple blessing of happiness.

So here’s my advice. Figure out what you have in common and do those things together. Make the best of every moment, creating new memories every chance you get. What we’ve learned to do is make the best of the time we have, realizing that we only have one life and since we’ve chosen to spend it together, we also choose to find our mutual happy place. I hope you find yours, because the best part of getting to your happy place as a couple is not the destination, but the work that you both put in to get you there.

Myra Walker Fb-Myra Wallace Walker IG-Myra Wallace-Walker

HER BEAUTY IS HER STRENGTH

By Gerald Harris Greetings from the Male Room. Allow me to introduce myself to you in as brief a manner as possible so we can get right to the subject matter. I am a father, a son, a brother, an uncle, and even a recent Grandfather. I have been married and unmarried, so I’ve been a husband and a boyfriend. Hey, we all have our pasts, right? So in general, I will say this, I’m a man. Nothing more - nothing less. Life has taught me much and continues to do so. I look at each day as an opportunity to learn something new and even relearn something lost. And I count it all as joy and blessings from above.

I want to give you a glimpse into my mid-life, male perspective of the true beauty of a woman.

I want to use for my example the woman known as Mary Magdalene of the New Testament Gospels in the Holy Bible. Mary was called many things and mistaken for many things as well. I personally refute and dispute the labeling of her as a prostitute. Many people want to believe this but the Bible never definitively says this about her.

Mary / Miriam was the most common name of the time. And there were several Marys that were followers of Christ and tended to him all the way unto his crucifixion. As fate would have it; that’s exactly where we are going with this… to the crucifixion of Christ Jesus. One simple verse is all I will expound on, and here it is: (John 20:1) “The first day of the week cometh Mary Magdalene early, when it was still dark, …” Stop right there. She was alone in the darkness of the early morning, which was very dark, to say the least. This being the third day after the crucifixion, the day HE said HE would return. Yet no man was there. Not a one.

The guards were gone. None of the Apostles were anywhere to be seen. The whole town was scared out of their minds because of what happened during that crucifixion. Day turned to night.

There was thunder and lightning like never before seen and major earthquakes, again like none to date. Everyone was scared. But where was Mary Magdalene?

She was there! This is the true beauty of a woman. It is fearlessness, that is innately reflexive. It is able to overcome the foreboding and weather any storm. This is the essential beauty of

strength. Mary was called the Apostle to the Apostles. And Jesus knew she would be the one to ignite his cause and his ministry in his absence. The beauty of her strength was needed in order for Christendom to thrive and survive to this very day.

In the following verse, it says she ran to tell the other Apostles what was going on. The stone had been moved and his body was gone.

When they returned and went inside the empty sepulcher the apostles again left in a hasty manner. But, Mary remained.

She was the first one spoken to by the Lord in his return. She had the capacity of mind and the over-all temerity to ask Jesus, supposing HE was the Gardener, where He had taken the body of her Master. She wanted to know so she could take him with her and care for his body. Really?

She was alone, it was dark, how was she going to do this? Knowing Mary, she would have found a way.

HE told Mary Magdalene to go and tell them all that she had borne witness to. Ergo, this why she was called Apostle to the Apostles. She was His messenger and most faithful servant. He knew she would be just that one.

Readers, we must keep in mind that there was a corporeal side of Mary as well, for she tended to the body of Christ immediately after his death, along with his mother Mary and his sister. I would be remiss if I did not mention that she also was a free giving financer to the ministry of Christ as well. So she indeed was a lady of substance, not a harlot. Reasoning points to her owning land as it was not customary for women to have careers at this time.

Mary Magdalene was indeed a threat to the male-dominated Church. Her devotion to Jesus was inevitably going to result in her demise; as men, women, and children were being killed for following Him and believing upon Him.

Ladies live your truth. Allow your beauty to come forth on this day and everyday yet to come. The beauty that is within is more powerful than anything external and you all have it. We as men should glorify and protect this beauty as a first nature principal. When we don’t - the world won’t. It’s just that simple. So let us all learn from the past. Love and strength combined will always be something beautiful.

Celebrate and glorify the inner you as much as needed, always knowing exactly where you came from and Who sent you. This indeed will make the world a better place.

Gerald Harris Instagram: @geralddwayneharris Facebook: Gerald Harris

DEAR LADIES: IT’S OK IN 2020

By Chris L. Gilrath II As we are making New Year’s resolutions, there is also something else to consider. What are your resolutions for understanding other people in the new year? Often, people want to change their perspectives in the new year. Well with changing your perspective, you must understand the perspectives of others. This sentiment does not ring louder than understanding the opposite sex. As things change in our world, so do our attitudes. For women, there are some things about men that have changed, yet have stayed the same. In order to understand the opposite sex, you must know that there are things in the new year that it’s OK to understand from the male perspective.

It’s OK in 2020: •

•

To be OK with a man being single. As a single man, the question I get asked so many times (more than about my career, my interests, and thoughts) is “Are you dating?” or “Why aren’t you in a relationship?” Which on some level indicates that there is something wrong with me being single at 42. I am often asked this question by other women. So many people validate their lives by what they see others doing. One of the biggest points of validation is being in a committed relationship and having children. This is not everyone’s purpose. There is nothing wrong with a man if he is not married or in a committed relationship after 30. That is a common misconception. A man is not closed off, traumatized, or bitter if he is single.

It is ok to be ok with being by yourself. If a man has a happy and complete life, a relationship will just be a bonus, but it is not a requirement.

• For a man to show his vulnerable side. A man can be in his feelings and be sad and down. It is not a sign of weakness or lack of manliness. It’s a sign of strength and courage. If you want your man to be open and honest with you, that sometimes requires him to be vulnerable, to cry and to be upset. It is healthy. You will need to understand that it takes a lot for a man to show that side of himself. Do not discourage him from doing so or think he is weak.

• For a man to keep to himself. On the flip of the vulnerable side, before a man can get there, he sometimes needs time to himself and needs time to process. A man may not be able to come forth right away and share the weight of the world. If we are asking for space, please give us that. It does not mean that we do not want to be open to you. It just means we need time. All is not lost if your man is keeping his distance.

For a man to go out with his boys. There is double standard where women seem to have a lot of time with their girls to enjoy events such as ladies nights, book clubs, etc. However, it

•

•

•

does seem like more of a hassle when a man wants to do something as simple as going to Happy Hour with the boys after work. There is a lot that a man must process throughout the day, week, month, and year. Sometimes he needs to decompress with his bros. Guys’ trips are also ok. Guys’ trips are needed, just as much as girls’ trips are. Fellas, this is for you too. You are providing for your families, working demanding jobs, and dealing with constraints that the world throws at you.

Sometimes, you just need to get away with others who are dealing with the same and can relate to your daily struggles.

For a man to be a gentleman. A man can still open the door for you, pump your gas for you, carry your bags, and carry the load for you, even though you can carry it for yourself. It’s in no way an implication that he feels superior to you. Chivalry is not dead. It’s our way of saying we respect and honor you while celebrating the independent woman that you are.

For a man to watch sports and do traditional guy things. Once again, there are a lot of things that we must deal with throughout the day, the week, the month and year. Just like women, men need outlets to unwind as well. It’s ok to watch the game on TV and/or to watch his action-oriented show. If it does not be come “his God” and he is still taking care of you and his family, let him have that. Sometimes it’s just the small things that can make us so happy. Don’t expect your man to turn off the football game so that he can watch the Lifetime movie with you. That is unrealistic.

To have privacy. There is a new trend on social media, where every intricate detail of your relationship is blasted to all who are willing to watch. While it is great to talk about being happy and having a great relationship, there is something to be gained from keeping some stuff just between you and your significant other. There should be moments that are just for the two of you. There are some people who are in relationships and you would never even know it, because they don’t post about it and those are the relationships that keep growing and getting stronger.

Everything is not meant for the public. Once you go public with everything, it is very difficult to get your privacy back when things take a turn. Do not give people an open-door invitation into every piece of your life, whether you are in a relationship or are single. Keep some stuff for you and you alone.

Chris Gilrath II clgil77@gmail.com www.chrisgilrath2.blogspot.com https://www.instagram.com/chrisgilrath2/ https://twitter.com/chrisgilrath2 https://www.facebook.com/chris.gilrathii

HANG LOOSE IN HAWAII

By Myra Wallace-Walker Some people may think of Hawaii and Oahu or Honolulu comes to mind. It is often referred to as one big island called Hawaii, when in actuality the state of Hawaii consists of eight islands Niihau, Kauai, Oahu, Maui, Lanai, Kahoolawe and the Big Island of Hawaii. There are four counties: Kauai, Honolulu, Maui and Hawaii. Although Honolulu is the capital located on the island of Oahu, it is not the largest.

Even more fun facts about Honolulu that are not widelyknown are: that it is the largest city in the world; the nations 11th largest metropolitan area; is the only state that grows coffee; has its own time zone; boasts more than 100 worldrenowned beaches; and alongside Waikiki Beach drawing more than 70,000 tourist every single day! It is also the home of the only royal palace in the United States; Iolani Palace, located in downtown Honolulu at 364 South Street.

My first experience of Hawaii was over 35 years ago, and as one could expect, a lot has changed. Although one can still experience the beautiful coral rimmed beaches, excellent waves to surf, luau visits to Pearl Harbor, and a nice hike to Diamond Head, Waikiki Beach, now has a whole new vibe.

At first glance, one might mistake a stroll down Kalakaua Ave for the glamourous Rodeo drive of Beverly Hills, made famous for its glitzy designer lined streets. Once known for its beautiful beaches, Waikiki Beach now offers a whole new lifestyle. Now famed for its iconic crescent beach and various name brand high-rise hotels, this 2 mile stretch of real estate also boasts every popular designer label retailer know to our pop culture. The shopping ----- includes a newly renovated marketplace that houses a Tesla showroom front and center.

Those tourists who don’t wish to spend their vacation budget on high-end designer brands may opt for the more economical Hawaiian experience. less than 100 feet away from the market place, one can stroll the local side street market where you can find the famous flower print Hawaiian shirts with matching muumuu dress and various other Hawaiian favorite souvenirs.

But wait, there’s more! In addition to evolving into a shopper’s playground, your palette will be equally pleased by the selection of savory sweets and eats. From fresh fish to fried spam, (which happens to be quite popular throughout Hawaii) and pineapple smoothies to coconut cake you will not be disappointed. And absolutely do not leave the island without a stroll down Kuhio Ave, to take in the tantalizing tastes offered at the various eateries.

Even without all of the added stimuli of shopping and eating, I must say, Hawaii still provides a beautiful get away with options to satisfy the likes of those who are looking for a tranquil walk on the beach, parasailing, a hike up to Diamond Head or a family friendly luau. Honolulu has it all. It has become one of my family’s favorite places to get away, regroup and people watch. I mean think about it, where else can you throw on some flip flops, a bathing suit and grab a seat along Kalakaua Ave and watch the 70,000 tourist passing through Waikiki Beach. Ahhh now that’s the real way to “hang loose” Hawaiian style. *Average daytime temperature January 72 degrees July 82 degrees Local Dining recommendations LuLu’s (casual oceanfront dining) Eggs & Things (tourist favorite) Honolulu Cookie Company (my favorite) Other things to do Visit Pearl Harbor Hike up to Diamond Head Ride a Jeep around the island Myra Walker myra@beautycomeforth.com fb: Myra Wallace Walker IG: @MyraWallace-Walker

LESSONS FROM THE GROUNDHOG

By Lanette White

Every year in early February the legendary groundhog emerges from its underground sabbatical and rejoins the other members of the animal kingdom to start afresh by working, eating, and reproducing. Indulge me a little as I share with you the insights I have found on this little animal and how it might be impactful to us.

Just like the groundhog, we are in our respective working roles: be it as entrepreneurs, corporate employees, local government agency personnel, full-time moms, etc… What are your goals for 2020? Are you trying to make a job change or develop a business? If so, what steps are you taking to make that happen? These things do not happen through wishing. You, like the groundhog, have to use the tools in your hands to make that happen.

Do you have a relationship with someone in your prospective department or who owns a similar business to the one you are starting? Have you prepared yourself enough to level up (e.g. education, seminars, certificates, special assignments/tasks, etc…)? Do you have a mentor that will keep you accountable on this journey/career ladder move? I suggest that you write out your plan, meditate/pray over it, acquire a mentor, educate/prepare yourself, and go for it. Don’t wait. Do something NOW! (By the way, NOW spelled backwards is WON. So if you do it now, you have already won!)

The groundhog is also known for its eating unusual eating habits. It eats one-third (1/3) of its weight in vegetation daily. Even though that is a lot of food, it is still healthy. What are you taking in? Is it making you feel better physically or just emotionally? I have been leading a vegan lifestyle for about two years now and after consulting with my physician, I have decided to switch to pescatarian, in order to add a little more protein variety to my diet. This lifestyle is not for everyone and I am by no means recommending it, but is what you are presently doing really working for you? Are you sluggish? Do you have health concerns that a change in diet may improve? The groundhog still has to dig its burrows and

the food that it is ingesting is not causing sluggishness or heart problems. Its food is fuel. Talk to your physician and commit to a healthy eating plan. There is nothing wrong with enjoying your food, but make sure that it is fueling you too!

Finally, the groundhog also takes time to reproduce and nurture. This does not only mean to have children, but it can also mean to mentor and reproduce like minds.

Helping others to come into themselves is not just good for the children/mentees but it is good for the parents/mentors, as well.

We all need to pour into others. It helps us to grow as we share our successes and failures with someone else. Through them, we actuallly get a do-over. A second chance.

Christian missionary, Dr. Frank Labauch, said “Each one teach one.” In other words, each one reproduce yourself. Give back. Take out the time to really show someone that another person cares.

It will increase your level of empathy and compassion. It will help to sharpen your communication skills.

It’s a win-win for everyone involved.

It is no mere coincidence that Beauty Come Forth chose the month of February to re-emerge in the year 2020. This month is a celebration of a rich African-American heritage, as we celebrate African-American History Month. And a reminder of how it important it is for us to take care of our physical selves, as it is American Heart Health Month, as well. Moreover, we get an opportunity to celebrate our political patriarchs George Washington and Abraham Lincoln on President’s Day. We also take time to celebrate our loved ones on Valentine’s Day. And lastly, let’s not forget about Groundhog’s Day, which celebrates the emergence of an animal that has been sleeping for a number of months. Have you been sleeping in any area of your life? Finances? Health? Spiritual Growth? Social Consciousness? Relationships? Well, now is the time to stop sleeping and EMERGE!

Lanette White Senior Managing Editor lanette@beautycomeforth.com Fb- Lanette White IG- @whitelanette