Emotional Health

E m o t i o n a l H e a l t h

Emotional Mastery

Chelsea Olson Stress Reduction Coach

A woman’s true power lies in the power of her emotions. Harnessing and being in a healthy relationship with your emotions is the key to unlocking your infinite potential. Directing such strong energy can infuse your visions with unstoppable momentum, and untamed power can lend itself to destruction. Imposter syndrome and self-doubt? Or confidence and self-trust? The choice is yours. This article will illuminate exactly how to master that process.

We all know the feeling of losing emotional control. The height and depth of emotional waves can be great and drown the best of intentions with explosive reactivity. When disaster relief clean-up reflects the impact of the emotional tsunamis, one can easily spin into cycles of self-blame, insecurity, and shame.

What IF when these waves arose, they weren’t left untamed, but harnessed to create some serious (metaphorically) hydroelectric power? Could you power the whole town? City? Country? World? Imagine what you could build, generate, and create if the power that ALREADY lives inside of you became an ally and critical tool for bringing your dreams to fruition?

It is not always easy, but it is possible. This process is called emotional mastery.

Were going to break down step-by-step (1) What emotional mastery is, (2) Why you feel what you feel, and (3) steps you can take to make these shifts today.

What is Emotional Mastery?

Emotional mastery is taking the right action, at the right time, to control your response instead of reacting. It doesn’t take long to see that to master one’s emotions is to master your stress response. Stress directly influences all automatic functions of the body, the mind, and the heart. These functions are governed by the Autonomic Nervous System because these processes are out of our conscious control and happen automatically. This is why telling someone to “Calm down, ” is as effective as telling someone to “Digest your food. ” While that may be the most pointless advice ever given, there ARE things you can do to change the outcome. Here, you will learn how to use what you CAN control, to shift that which you cannot.

When the brain perceives a threat, it automatically sends the body/mind/heart into a survival state: AKA a stress response. A threat is defined as “someone or something that approaches, or crosses a boundary. ” In a culture where boundaries are triggering, we begin to see the potential for emotional fragility that exists in every moment.

When in a stress response, emotions are primed for a conflict or self-isolation, most closely mimicking a survival situation. Not only do the muscles tighten, pupils dilate, heart rate increases, etc., but emotions become very sensitive, protective, and quick to find a point of blame: even if that point is yourself. Luckily, the downward spiral is not the only option.

Why You Feel What You Feel

Your emotions come from many sources. With minimal self-study, however, you may begin to notice patterns and personal tendencies. Becoming familiar with the stress responses and how you personally experience them, is the compass guiding you through the emotional tsunamis and into calmer waters.

The three primary states of stress:

1. Our window of tolerance 2. Hyper-arousal 3. Hypo-arousal

Knowledge is power, and gaining self-knowledge is the first step to gaining personal power.

As you read through the list below, highlight, circle, or simply take note of the descriptions that you relate to.

Window of Tolerance

You sustain control over your emotions, and feel strong and supported by your body and mind.

Your bodily functions thrive: digestion, immunity, reproductivity, heart health, etc. function optimally without much medical intervention. Sleep comes easily as the mind quiets with focused attention. The inevitable stressors of life ignite resilience and the ability to recover quickly. Joy, play, and creativity, can be easily accessed, as well as connect with others. Relationships are built with good listening, thoughtful sharing, and genuine empathy.

You lose control of your emotions and lean towards overworking, high-intensity workouts, perfectionism, anger, impatience, and reactivity. Bodily functions weaken and potentially fall into hyperactivity: diarrhea, increased heart rate, high blood pressure, adrenal fatigue, heavy periods, etc. The body holds tension, and struggles to sit still. The mind easily reacts, controls, judges, and moves at a quick pace. The emotions swell into frustration and anger, as the smallest difficulty feels larger than life. You find yourself in debates, arguments, or intolerant of others’ behavior.

Hypo-arousal

Bodily functions are slow: constipation, low blood pressure, weak immune system, light periods, etc. The mind may feel numb, quiet, hopeless, and uninspired. Think of Winnie the Pooh’s Eeyore: negative thought patterns that say, “Why bother? What’s the point?” You may feel glued to the couch, finding extreme effort in accomplishing the smallest of tasks. You struggle to get moving. Emotions feel heavy and lean towards self-doubt, insecurity, isolation, and worthlessness. Connection with others proves difficult and draining. You may feel stuck, overwhelmed, burnt out, and fatigued.

Every person experiences all of the above, and there is no shame in any of them. If you feel swallowed by these stress states and out of control: do not worry. You are not stuck this way! With simple tools, and the commitment to use them: you can be in control of your emotions, your life, and your relationships.

How to Master our Stress and Emotions

I personally summarize these techniques as either Move or Soothe.

When in a state of hyper-arousal, we are in need of calming. However, the body/mind/heart (aka the central nervous system) are primed and ready for movement. This is why many fight over nothing. No matter how terrible and frustrating it feels, on one level fighting feels GOOD. Luckily, there is a better way to move these stress hormones and return to peace.

Engaging in movement may help release the stored stress chemicals from the body, making it easier to calm the nervous system and emotions. Sometimes movement can aggravate the hyper-aroused state. I recommend experimenting with different kinds of movement, to explore what helps you most.

Whether you engage with movement or not, it’s necessary to calm the nervous system to return to the window of tolerance. I recommend practicing what’s called, “Soup Breath. ” Inhale through the nose, as if you are smelling soup, and exhale out of pursed lips, as if you are cooling soup.

This emphasizes the exhale, which releases excess energy and signals a relaxation response. Let the inhale be soft and relaxed, following the exhale all the way to the end. You may count your breath to focus the mind on calming down, or repeat I am releasing all excess tension.

“ ” To add more support, place your face in your hands, or head below the heart. These techniques activate your neuroanatomy in a way that most quickly calms the body, mind, and emotions. When we re in a state of hypo’ -arousal, stillness is our enemy as we are already stuck in a state of stasis. To get unstuck, we need to move. Movement can be in the obvious form of the physical, but can also be sound, tapping, and self-touch. Engage with movement in any way that doesn’t feel draining. It may be gentle at first such as tai chi, gentle yoga, or simply straightening up your room. In time, you may have more energy to sing, paint, go for a jog, or join a group exercise class. You can also bring your awareness to the inhale as the breath’s energizer. Using a technique I call “Mountain Breath, ” take three, short and quick inhales through the nose- holding at the top. When you’re ready, release completely and repeat 3-5x. As mentioned above, the inhale fills you with fresh energy and can shake up depressive stagnancy quickly. By knowing what your tendencies are and how to shift out of the stress response and back into the window of tolerance, you strengthen resilience, gain emotional control, and energize the very core of your being. In Summary Knowledge is power. By becoming aware of your stress patterns, you master how to regulate and control them. We often isolate ourselves in our experiences of difficulty, wondering how does everyone else have it together and what’s wrong with me?

When in reality, everyone is navigating all of these stress responses all of the time, though we all have our own degrees of severity and personal patterns. The longer we stay outside of the window of tolerance, the longer it takes to return. As difficult as it may be, engage in self-regulation as soon as you become aware you are in an aroused state, and you will quickly gain control of your emotions: even in the most difficult of situations.

By mastering your stress responses, you master your emotions. By mastering your emotions, you master your life’s unfolding. It all begins with these simple choices. It all comes down to self-regulation.

The sparkling waves of your life await your exploration. Can you hear them calling?

Chelsea Olson

www.chelsea-olson.com