Family & Relationship

Maria Natapov Stepparenting Coach & Strategist

5 Ways to Cope with Uncertainty in a Blended Family

If the pandemic hasn ’t been overwhelming enough, the fact that a senseless war recently broke out in Europe with crimes against humanity being carried out on peaceful civilians, has sent many into a downward spiral of feeling helpless and wondering: What is it all for? and What’ s next?

Here are some strategies to help you and your children and stepchildren cope with all the uncertainty, fear, and stress.

Acknowledge Feelings

During stressful and difficult times, it is particularly important to name your feelings, creates space

to feel them, and process them. Whether you do the latter by talking about them,

journaling through them, or doing something else, what matters most is that you deal with these emotions and let them run their natural course until they subside. Doing so allows these emotions to get out of your system,

provides more clarity and perspective. brings them into the light, and quickly

These steps are just as important for adults as they are for children.

And when you create space to do this with your children and stepchildren, you show them the way and teach them the importance of this approach and how to execute it.

Create Positive Habits

Having consistency in the way of habits and traditions often helps to relieve anxiety and creates peace, calm, and

ease. Our brains like and respond well to predictability. So, build some positive habits that lift your spirits and put

you in a good mood!

Maybe you have a dance party in the middle of your living room for 15 minutes at 3 pm every day. Or maybe you

belt out songs in your car for 10 minutes. Or you can do a 20-minute yoga or meditation together.

Having a consistent structured activity to look forward to, like sitting down to a meal together and catching each other up on your day or going out for a walk fosters connections among you and reminds you that you ’ re not going through this alone.

There will be times when things don ’t go according to plan, and you might need to adjust the

timing of the activity or maybe skip it altogether. That’ s fine! These things happen.

When they do, respond with grace and embrace the unexpected by seizing the opportunity to do something fun and off-the-cuff.

Your kids and stepchildren are watching your every move and taking cues from you as to how to cope with these unforeseen circumstances.

For more examples of positive habits to help you cope with negative emotions, check out Episode 11 of the Synergistic Stepparenting podcast titled 7 Components Of A Stepparenting Sanity Routine: https://synergisticstepparenting.com/11

Foster Calm

Create spaces, atmospheres, and vibes that bring you joy. Organize your space in a way that feels

good to you and is welcoming. Sometimes clutter can cause anxiety. So,

set aside time as a family to tidy up the place to make it more inviting and pleasant. You can add some candles and pops of color or texture with fabrics or creative projects you make together.

Invite the kids to make some decorating decisions. They love to be responsible for important tasks and will surprise you with their creativity and effectively they rise to the occasion.

News can often create overwhelm and a swirl of negative emotions. So,

limit your news intake and time on social media to minimize those stressors. Find 1 or 2 trusted sources for information and get your updates there no more than 2 times per day limiting the amount of time you engage with the content during each session.

Stress Looks Like Challenging Behavior

In adults, prolonged stress can look like anxiety or irritability, sadness, depression, and even panic

attacks. In children, stress can look like anxiety or worry, being emotional or cranky,

power struggles, and even seeming physically out of control. not listening,

” Be sure to stay present and give them your full attention. Be sure to avoid judging or shaming them or their emotions. Just bearing witness to their experience is powerful in and of itself. And this technique works great with adults too!

As tempting as it might be, try your best to avoid solving the problem for them. Instead, calmly encourage them to solve it on their own. For ex., “I know that things feel bad right now, but you’re

smart and capable and you will figure it out. ” They will surprise you with their resilience and

problem-solving abilities.

Stay In Gratitude

Fostering a gratitude practice is a great way to build resilience, and uplift mood, and happiness. It’s

great to go around the room when the family is together and have everyone share one thing that they are grateful for that day. Coupling this habit with another activity your family does altogether is a wonderful way to build it into your routine.

Focusi builds n e g m yo pa ur th a y tten and tion on compa t s he sio positiv n. You e c s a a n nd bl even e t ssings hink of when ways ot to hers help are in a le and give ss fort back. unat And e si tea tuation ch the kids how to execute those plans.

Incorporating these strategies is sure to help your family navigate challenges while nurturing deeper bonds with each other. And you’ll be teaching your kids powerful life lessons in the process.

Maria Natapov has been a stepparent for 9+ years. When she and her partner learned of the abuse and neglect inflicted by the biological mother, Maria studied and took the lead to install the right supports and prevent her stepdaughter from further harm. As a Stepparenting Coach, her passion is helping other stepparents transform their challenging responsibilities into opportunities for the whole family to thrive. Maria also hosts a podcast by the same name where she talks frankly about actionable steps to transform family chaos into meaningful and harmonious co-parenting. Reminding stepparents that they are not alone. Learn more about Maria Natapov. Connect with Maria on LinkedIn. Maria Natapov

www.Synergistic Stepparenting.com

C H A N G E Y O U R R E L A T I O N S H I P

Nicole Mason, Relationship Coach + RTT Practitioner Spoiler Alert: It’ s not “I love you ”

Do you want to turn your relationship around? Make your partner’s day, week, maybe even, their year? One simple phrase can do that, regardless of how long you ’ ve been together. It’s not “I love you. ” While saying “I love you ” is important for men, it’s more important for women to hear.

Respect means more to men than love. Women understand what it feels like to be disrespected. But, showing and feeling respect is something women sometimes have a hard time with. It’s more than just a feeling of neutrality or celebrating little victories. It can also be more than accepting him for who he is – even when you disagree with him. It’s a deep admiration. For more WHO they are – their abilities, qualities, and sometimes their achievements. “He was respected by everyone who worked with him” is a way men talk about other men.

While women say things like, “Everyone liked her; she was always so caring.

” These differences speak to what is important to them. Women want to be cared about while men want to be respected.

Isn’t respect the same thing as being cared about? Not really.

To women, having someone take care of the dishes, finding a babysitter for date night, or paying all the bills, is being taken care of. While those things are necessary to co-exist, those aren’t the most important things to men. Men want and need to feel respected and admired for what they ’re bringing to the relationship.

Most women find it a little awkward to tell their partner they respect him. However, there is a more impactful phrase that fits more situations but gives the same sentiment. That phrase is: “You impress me.

When you ’re present and listening to him talk about his day, you can say,

“I noticed when you helped the neighbor with their fence today. That was such a nice thing to do. You really impress me with how you go out of your way to help others, even when you have so much to do.

When he is thinking about something, especially if you want more of that thoughtfulness to show up, you can say, “Your thoughtfulness is so meaningful and impressive.

When you want to acknowledge him and say thank you,

“Thank you for taking off work to drive to the soccer game today. Your dedication to supporting the kids is impressive. ” If you want to address something, with kindness, you can say, “I’ ve always been impressed with how much you help around the house. When you didn’t offer to help me fold the laundry, it surprised me. Is there anything going on that you ’d like to talk about?”

Did he make a decision that was right, but hard? Your acknowledgment of it will make him beam with pride. A simple,

How often do men respect our physical boundaries without any appreciation? A lot more than we realize. A little recognition is incredibly meaningful to receive. It doesn’t have to be a full-on celebration, but sharing your gratitude by saying, “I know you wanted to cuddle on the couch last night, but I was feeling a little uncomfortable and didn’t feel like touching anything. Your ability to recognize that and respect my feelings without making it a big deal is so impressive and appreciated.

Men don

’t get enough credit for how much they support women and our relationships, whether that be with our family, friends, or colleagues. The next time your partner encourages you to spend time with someone outside of your home, even if only for a couple of hours, what would say, “I know me going out with my sisters puts more burden on you. You always supporting me to have evenings with the girls is so impressive to me. Thank you for doing that. It means a lot.

Some women hate having to put more thought and effort into their relationship. They argue they shouldn’t have to celebrate their partner’s minimal effort. While I can understand that, it’s been my experience as a divorce attorney who saved the majority of my client’s marriages, that using this one little phrase can be the turnaround your relationship needs to get back on track.

Often, you get what you give with men. If you’re

giving disconnection, you’

re going to feel alone. If you’re giving positivity and excitement, you’ll feel loved and have fun together. If you give admiration and respect, you’ll be his priority. Isn’t that what we all want?

It doesn’t take much effort. One of my most stubborn divorce clients halted at this suggestion until the week before her trial. Her husband always arrived on time to pick up their kids for the parenting time exchange. In an effort to be better co-parents (and probably to help make the trial go better), she told her soon-to-be ex-husband how much that impressed her.

@kleineachiles _ coaching

Later that night, her husband texted her and told her how much that meant to him. She said it a few more times over the next couple of days and got positive reactions from her husband.

The day before the trial, she came to my office to go over some last-minute things but asked me to push the trial for a month. She had such a huge turnaround in her interactions with her husband from that one phrase that she wanted to see what a month of experiencing each other like this would be like.

It didn’t take a month. After two weeks, they decided they were going to call off the divorce and work together on their marriage – not for their kids, but for them. They didn’t want to lose what they had. While it had dimmed from years of unappreciation and other issues (including infidelity), those three words were the catalyst to bringing back the spark. They’re still together today – she’s still telling him how impressed he is with her and he’s going above and beyond for her.

Commit to trying it out for a few days, maybe a week, and see how your partner responds. Your relationship is worth the effort.

For more tips and support, join Nicole’

s FREE Facebook group, Let Go & Let Love: Free Yourself. Transformation Your Relationship.

To get a FREE guided mediation recording to let go of resentment in your relationship, send an email to: nicole@relationship-transformation.com with the subject line as: BEmpower Recording

Nicole Mason