Numbness

are having thoughts about actively wanting to end your life or you are concerned about whether you can keep yourself safe, then please consider if there is someone you trust to share these feelings with so that they can help you feel safer. There is also a list of services that can quickly and effectively support you at the back of this guide.

Numbness

There may be periods of time when you feel nothing at all, or feel very cut-off from yourself, from others and from day-today concerns. People often describe feeling like the death is “not real” or a sense that the person who died may appear at any moment. This may be the case especially if the death was sudden, unexpected or you did not see them when they were dying or after they had died. During the pandemic, we understand that you may have learned about the death by telephone which may have made it seem even more unreal.

If you experience numbness or feelings of emptiness, you might then feel worried or guilty that you are not feeling sad; it is a very normal and common experience when you grieve as your mind tries to adjust to a new reality without the person who died, whilst protecting you from being overwhelmed by the full implications of that all at once.

Particularly in periods of “crisis”, such as this pandemic, it is common for people to go into “survival mode” and busy themselves with the day-to-day tasks that need to be done to keep money coming in, people fed etc. This means that there can often be an “emotional lag” later, once some kind of “new normal” starts, and people can find that their loss and the full emotional impact of everything that has happened to them hits them the harder later. This is very normal but can mean that people find themselves struggling emotionally even more just as

the initial offers of support may have subsided and the people around them assume that they are “through the worst” and/or that you appear to have everything “under control”.

It can be helpful to respond to early offers of help and support with a “holding reply” via text or email or in person; this will be in your own voice but something like this might help you to frame it:

“Thank you for your support/offer of help. At the moment I am focussed on getting through the next days/weeks/ months. It is hard to know at this moment what I might need when I get beyond that. Please check in with me again in a few days/weeks/months and I may be able to take you up on your kindness.”

If you don’t feel up to doing that yourself, you may want to ask someone you trust to send similar messages on your behalf.

If you find that you feel detached from the world around you for sustained periods of time and you are concerned that you can get “stuck” in a space that feels disconnected from others or if your life circumstances mean that grieving feels “endlessly deferred”, then you might want to consider getting some support outside your immediate circle. There is a list of services that can quickly and effectively support you at the back of this guide.