Issue 2: Social Issues

SOCIAL ISSUES

For the sake of society.

THE GREY

By: Moon Aziza

I wonder, does everyone have a story about that time they had sex when they didn't really want to? When they did it for lack of a hassle as opposed to the fact that they actually wanted to be close to this person in this moment… And if so are they as affected by it as I am?

When you have... one human being, and you have another human being, and you have these energies, these two bodies. And you have something as personal and as fragile and as intimate as sex... every single time means something. I don't think it matters if you've been having sex with this person for two weeks or two decades, if you've had sex with them 20 times or 2000 times. When another human being takes control of you, takes ownership of your most cherished parts... it steals something from you. It's been weeks, maybe months, I can't get it out of my head. I can't see it any dimmer, I can't feel it any less, I can’t distance myself from that night. He probably doesn't even remember what night it was. Is it easy for you? In, out, in, out... like a workout routine. I can't wash myself clean of you. I can't erase the feeling of dirtiness.

I wanted to earlier that night. I wanted you so bad. We had decided that we wouldn't discuss anything heavy until tomorrow, that tonight we would just be happy and in love. I couldn't help it though, I brought it up on the street car ride back to my house. You got angry, and you got distant. And I felt

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alone, you were right there, still touching me, yet again, I felt completely alone. And so we got back to mine, not saying much, and we got inside and I could tell you still wanted to pretend... you started kissing me, and touching me. And I was half-assed at first, I wasn't good at pretending. Not like you... I didn't know how to lie to you.

You brought me back to my room and you sat me on the bed and you undressed me and before I really knew what was going on... I think I was still a bit high, a bit tipsy, a bit sad, you were on me, and then you were in me and I remember looking around... it's like everything slowed down, except for you, you were still there in and out, in and out. But I looked past you and I looked through the ceiling and I could see the night sky... I could see stars, lots of stars and I could see dark clouds. I could feel a breeze on my face. And then you came.

And you pulled out of me and you rolled over and you went to sleep. And I laid there feeling so alone,and so gross and used and empty. I kept opening and closing my mouth. I wanted to talk to you, Iwanted you to make me feel better.

I told myself not to bring it up because he was sensitive about the fact that he didn't last long, that hedidn't mean to make me feel this way. I wanted to run away, I wanted to leave this boy who wassupposed to love and care for me in my bed and I wanted to go anywhere but there.

The thing is I didn't say no. I was practically begging him all night before that. But I didn't say yes. Ididn't say anything.

My thought process was that we'd done it hundreds of times before, this one time if I didn't really feellike it wouldn't matter.

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It wasn't rape.It was just... a grey area?

Since that night I haven't stopped feeling alone. And since that night I haven't looked at my body thesame.

I've looked at her with hate... and with anger. I'm supposed to protect her. I'm supposed to listen to her. That was never his job. I was never meant to hand it over to him, to let him take the reigns. I understand the body's initial response to be to curl up in bed, to wrap yourself in your blankets, not wanting a drop of sunlight present in the room. My body no longer feels like home. I haven't felt safe for weeks.

I feel like all my organs are spilling out, unprotected. Like they’re walking on the shoulder of a highway.I don't want to see myself. I don't want to see what’s been done to her. How I've let her down.Who are we if not ourselves?

It's no longer that I don't know who I am without him, but that I don't know who I am without myself

MENTAL HEALTH DURING THE HOLIDAYS

By: Cuong Hanh Nguyen

This month is about the grateful things in our life; family, friends, and the beautiful country we live in. However, during this time of the year I would like to encourage everyone to keep their own mental health and wellbeing in check. Around the holiday season, there is an increase in depression and mental health problems as said by Randy Hillard, MD, “The fact is, however, that fewer people report to

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psychiatric emergency rooms just before Christmas than at other times of the year [...] My study in 1981 [...] shows that hospital admissions, suicide attempts and completions, and even letters to advice columnists go down just before Christmas, then go back up immediately afterwards: (Hillard, MD). Dr. Hillard correlates this spike in depression and suicide attempts to the social pressure of family obligations, having people to spend the holidays with, and the fact society is pressured to feel “happy” emotions when others are not experiencing these emotions at all.

As a person diagnosed with bipolar type 2, I encourage everyone to ask how one another is. Even the people who seem like they are on top of the world can still be falling down. My own father was on top of the world, and if talking to therapist and getting true diagnosis did not have an extreme negative stigma, maybe his life would have ended differently. I encourage anyone facing these dark thoughts that: you’re not alone; please seek help, seek counseling, seek family, seek actual professional help from your local hospital make sure your own mental health is on top of your to do list; the stigma is not over but we will be the generation to end it. We live in a society that doesn’t value mental health, but rather expectations and success. I want everyone dealing or not dealing with mental health issues to do something that makes you happy and actually learn different mental disorders and symptoms - media portrayals are quite inaccurate. For those feeling like they are alone in this battle: trust me, I was there. Talk to a doctor. Getting my diagnosis was scary and I definitely was in denial, but it helped me realize who I truly am. This November, I encourage everyone to be kinder and research the different types of mental disorders and realise the stigma these disorders hold. Also, if you are experiencing a crisis of any kind - it does not have to be as extreme or life threatening as a suicidal episode please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-273-8255 . Happy Holidays.


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CLOSING

By: Sarah Harwell

This piece is a short prose, a love letter almost, to Malibu, California. I scrolled this in my little red journal a week before the Southern California fires that devastated Los Angeles County, while sunbathing and napping on the beach. Little did I know that the beloved beach city would be consumed by heartbreak. My dearest sincerities to those who have been affected by the fire.

California in November - where the sun still beams as if it’s May, where in one state away, there’s gloom and clouds. Every November, there’s a heat that still dooms over Southern California, a heat every Californian despises. But in an afternoon in Malibu, everyone comes to the sleepy town to enjoy the warmth. A warmth that not only touches the skin, but the heart. Malibu is a place I used to not enjoy because of the strange ease and carefree attitude everyone had. Little did I know I longed for the warmth and the clean atmosphere of it all. Being in Malibu brings old memories of old love, old memories of lounging in the cool shade under the pier, but also new ones: new memories of happy playing, hand holding, and sleeping under the sun. Warm memories, warm heart filled to the brim of affection. The Sun that I hated so much began to feel comforting, and made me smile to my toes - the feeling of scrunching them into the sand, cold water rushing over my feet. A love that wasn’t deep, but wasn’t difficult to wake up and see the sunshine. A love that was so easy, it felt like a Friday afternoon in Malibu.

If you would like to donate to those affected by the fire, you may donate to these links:- supportLAFD.org - unitedwayla.org/en/give/disaster-relief-fund/- calfund.org/wildfire-relief-fund/ - hsvc.org/donate

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