BINGHAMTON REVIEW Editor-in-Chief Contents
P.O. BOX 6000 BINGHAMTON, NY 13902-6000 EDITOR@BINGHAMTONREVIEW.COM
Founded 1987 • Volume XXXIV, Issue VI Matt Gagliano
Managing Editor Madeline Perez Copy Desk Chief Joe Badalamenti
Business Manager Dillon O’Toole
Social Media Shitposter Arthur O’Sullivan
Editor Emeriti
Jake Schweitzer Patrick McAuliffe
Staff Writers
Charles Forman Siddharth Gundapaneni Evelyn Medina
Contributors Michael Levy
Special Thanks To:
Intercollegiate Studies Institute Collegiate Network Binghamton Review was printed by Gary Marsden We Provide the Truth. He Provides the Staples
DOGS!
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by Our Staff
Editorial by Matt Gagliano Press Watch by Our Staff Advice Column by Madeline Perez Why Experts Fail by Joe Badalamenti Clearing Reagan’s Economic Policy Record
by Siddharth Gundapaneni
9 We Adopted a Puppy by Evely Medina 10 A Brilliant Remake, A Shining Nostalgia Trip: Review by Patrick McAuliffe 11 Hippo VS Human: The Never-Ending Debate by Michael Levy 12 The Best Music of 2021 by Dillon O’Toole 13 The Most Controversial Binghamton Review Review by Madeline Perez 14 Boring Crossword by Our Staff
TELL US WHAT YOU THINK! Direct feedback to editor@binghamtonreview.com 2
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Vol. XXXIV, Issue VI
EDITORIAL Dear Readers,
From the Editor
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e’re almost there! Only a few more weeks until we all get to go home for a nice “relaxing” month without classes, exams, and being in close proximity to Harvey Stenger. We here at Binghamton Review know that you’re probably eagerly anticipating winter break, but we also know that you’re probably stressed as hell because finals are coming up. While you could do what I do and lobotomize yourself with rusty spoons, we have a tradition of providing you with pictures of cute little doggies (and various other animals that are also cute), to help you destress before finals. These pictures (found on page 8) are guaranteed to help distract you from the existential dread that no doubt lingers within you as we get ever closer to taking those harrowing final exams! Not that you asked, but the adorable puppy on the front cover (and also on the back cover (and also on page 8)) is my new puppy named Sir Reginald Barktholomew III, or Reggie for short. In case you’re like our copy desk chief, Joe, and have a hate boner against my dog for some weird reason, Reggie appears so much in this issue because people did not send me as many dog pictures as I hoped for, so I was forced to use what I had. Also, Reggie is cute as hell, and if you disagree I will beat the shit out of you and leave you bleeding and crippled in a back alley. Do not go looking for Joe, he is already gone. While the dog pictures are certainly the highlight of this issue, believe it or not, there are actual articles as well. If you’re looking for something that toes the line between dog pictures and Binghamton Review articles, might I recommend “We Adopted a Puppy” by Evelyn Medina on page 9. Much like I did a few weeks ago, she recently adopted a puppy, and while it’s not a competition, I can say with utmost certainty that my puppy is cuter, cooler, and could beat her dog in a fight. Reggie is a fucking chad. Moving on to other animals, Michael Levy did more research than any human being should to determine how many human beings it would take to take down a hippopotamus with their bare hands. Why? Who knows! But if you’re curious (because let’s be honest, you’re curious), you should check out “Hippo VS Human: The Never-Ending Debate” on page 11. If you have no heart and don’t care about animals, you deserve to die. Before you do though, you might want to read “Why Experts Fail” by Joe Badalamenti and “Clearing Reagan’s Economic Policy Record” by Siddharth Gundapaneni on pages 6 and 7 respectively. Since you’re an animal hating freak, I assume you’re only reading this issue for the well written political opinion pieces that we’re known for, so luckily for you, this issue still has those. Also, we have a boring crossword on the last two pages. It may or may not be boring. I guess you’ll just have to do it to find out.
Sincerely,
Matt Gagliano Binghamton Review is a non-partisan, student-run news magazine of conservative thought founded in 1987 at Binghamton University. A true liberal arts education expands a student’s horizons and opens one’s mind to a vast array of divergent perspectives. The mark of true maturity is being able to engage with these perspectives rationally while maintaining one’s own convictions. In that spirit, we seek to promote the free and open exchange of ideas and offer alternative viewpoints not normally found or accepted on our predominately liberal campus. We stand against tyranny in all of its forms, both on campus and beyond. We believe in the principles set forth in this country’s Declaration of Independence and seek to preserve the fundamental tenets of Western civilization. It is our duty to expose the warped ideology of political correctness and cultural authoritarianism that dominates this university. Finally, we understand that a moral order is a necessary component of any civilized society. We strive to inform, engage with, and perhaps even amuse our readers in carrying out this mission.
Views expressed by writers do not necessarily represent the views of the publication as a whole. editor@binghamtonreview.com
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CPampus resswatch “Democrats must pass the Build Back Better Act”, by Theodore Brita, Pipe Dream, 11/15/21 “The infrastructure bill has a 65 percent approval rating among Americans and the Build Back Better Act has a 62 percent approval rating.” Very rarely will voters that aren’t financially knowledgeable oppose legislation that gives benefits not directly paid for by themselves. Not to mention the Iraq War had a 72% approval rating. And regardless, about 70% of registered Democrats support School Choice, yet Democrat politicians consistently oppose it. “It is easy to see why increased public transit and infrastructure spending is so popular..” Sure, some infrastructure spending is encouraged, but when the second largest provision in Build Back Better provides a tax cut to ⅔ of millionaires in America, rather than providing any social welfare, one can see why approval of an “Infrastructure Bill” can be misleading. Passage of this bill would effectively lead to millions of American taxpayers subsidizing the taxes of the rich. When people see “Infrastructure Bill” they approve of it assuming it actually is an infrastructure, which it is not. “If Democrats want to avoid a complete blowout in the midterms this time next year, they absolutely must pass the Build Back Better Act.” If Democrats want to avoid a blowout in 2022 they should deal with the concerns of their constituents, which has been inflation. Said inflation was significantly worsened by America’s enormous stimulus packages, and will only get worse following more deficit spending. Instead, the Biden Administration is yet to admit that the current inflation is not transitory. “Ways to combat seasonal depression
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Written by our Staff
We know you don’t read the other campus publications, so we did it for you. Original pieces are in quotes, our responses are in bold.
this finals season”, by Eli Engler, Pipe Dream, 12/2/21 “This might seem like even more of a chore than reading, but getting physical exercise is another great way to fight the winter blues.” The key part of this quote is “winter blues”. The cold, amplified by the wind, always makes my skin go blue. I would recommend keeping to indoor physical activities for finals this fall. “One of my personal favorite strategies to combat seasonal depression is to play a game, from something straightforward and simple like UNO to the allout battle of Monopoly.” I don’t know about you, but playing monopoly always makes me feel more depressed and angry at the world. Unless I’m winning. Then it’s great. “Being physically active can mean many different things, from walking to weight lifting, depending on your skill level and interests.” Being physically active is what I do with your mom. “The education system fails to teach morality and civics”, by Eleanor Gully, Pipe Dream, 11/11/21 “Is that slightly hyperbolic? Yes, but not by much. A sizable portion of the Virginia electorate had schooling as their top priority for voting. And I can’t blame them — schools are widely underfunded, have large class sizes
and are staffed with overworked and underpaid teachers, and these problems disproportionately affect poor and minority youth. Additionally, an often overlooked point is that our public education system fails to sufficiently prepare all members of society to be active participants in the democratic process.” The issue with the public education system is that students spend 13 years of their lives only for most of them to go to college to gain training for a career. Moreover, schools are underfunded insofar as most of the funds go into the pockets of administrators who contribute a negligible impact toa student’s education. This is confirmed by the fact that inflation adjusted spending has increased by 287% since 1960. “Reflecting on my Negative LSD Trip” by Guest Author, Pipe Dream, 4/24/19 “Tripping off of only half a tab in the College-in-the-Woods dining hall and feeling fully uncomfortable the entire time should have been all it took for me to realize that psychedelics just aren’t my thing.” You a bitch.
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ADVICE COLUMN
Advice Column By Madeline Perez
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offered to give you all life advice. These were your questions.
“I’ve received this email from this Ponzi company. They’re saying that I have infringed on their copyright even though I have no recollection of such an act. In the email, they demand that I pay $690, else they will sue me for the big bucks. I am frightened by the email, but I know I am in the right. What do I do?” Emails from Ponzi companies should be treated exactly like spam emails. Most people just delete them, but if you want to be as awesome as me, you should reply to them with an even better Ponzi scheme. By doing this, you can steal money from those thieves, and in the process get rich yourself. Then you can buy Binghamton a new Baseball stadium. At least, that’s what I did. “How do I get Matt to put something better as the front/back cover?” You don’t. What you see on the covers is factually the most comical and statistically the most entertaining thing possible. If you have an issue with a front or back cover I’d recommend going to therapy, because this is definitely you-problem. “Can you tell me something to write about? I haven’t been able to write recently and I know that I gotta.” HMM. Quite thought-provoking. If it were me, I would probably write about your experiences living next to a psycho killer. If that doesn’t cut it, you can always talk about how echidnas have four penises. I know you’ll come up with something, roomie! :) “Raaa?” “Ra-ra-ah-ah-ah Roma, Roma-ma Gaga, “Ooh la-la” Want your bad romance” -Lady Gaga “I like my suitemate but he won’t leave me alone. We have a lot of the same friends, so whenever I’m going to see someone, he always tags along. Everytime I leave the suite he’s basically waiting to come along. Any advice besides moving to Mexico and changing my name?”
won’t. Defeated, he we probably pee and cry. “What the dog doin’?” THERE IS NO DOG. HE’S NOT DOING ANYTHING. THIS IS ALL IN YOUR HEAD. YOU NEED TO FOCUS ON YOUR OWN LIFE. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHAT HAS YOUR LIFE COME TO? JESUS. GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER. Also, they always ask what the dog doing, never how the dog doing. “Why do I always feel like I have to apologize for everything, even if I didn’t do anything?” Wow. I’ve been there. What you’re suffering from is lowself esteem combined with a hyperactive perception of the feelings of those around you. You always feel you’ve done something wrong, or that you are wrong somehow, so you are quick to accept blame for things you can’t control. There is only one solution. You need to begin your chad-arc. Step 1: Stop caring what people think about you. They don’t matter, king. Step 2: Be healthy and hygienic so that you can take pride in yourself. Step 3: Write for the Binghamton Review! “My RA says my room smells like weed and she’s been threatening to take action. What do I do?” Firstly, why does your room smell like weed? Weed should be smoked in the nature preserve, as is tradition. Or, if you want to stay in your dorm, you could try sharing with the RA. If that doesn’t work, to cover up the smell, aggressively shit your pants. “I would love to see the inside of the Binghamton Review office. Do you give tours?” I would love to show you the inside of our office, except there’s one tiny little problem. There is no office. Hey, SA, can you hook us up? “What makes you qualified to give advice?” I am a woman in STEM. I am wise beyond my years. I am no one. I am you. I am everyone. I yam what I yam.
You see, the problem is that you keep leaving your suite. If you never leave your room, he can never tag along! This will leave him waiting, staring, whimpering at your door like a puppy waiting for the return of its owner. And return you
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WHY EXPERTS FAIL
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Why Experts Fail By Joe Badalamenti
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hroughout the past 3 semesters, I have written extensively about the shortcomings of the both public and private responses to COVID-19. It is now December, and many states have undergone a transition back to normalcy. Some states such as Texas and Florida reverted to a pre-COVID environment for months. Despite these efforts, news about a dreaded new variant may convince officials to return to complete lockdowns. While I have provided effective arguments against these policy prescriptions, there is still one question that I feel should be answered: Why have the “experts” failed us? The common definition of an expert is “one with the special skill or knowledge representing mastery of a particular subject”. The term expert can refer to a broad group of people: doctors, lawyers, scientists, etc. However, for this article, the ones that I will focus on are the so-called “trusted experts.” These are the experts who are promoted by the mainstream media and/or those chosen to advise leaders for certain policies. An example of the former would be the economist Paul Krugman, while an example of the latter would be NIH head Anthony Fauci. If you watch cable news, or any mainstream corporate program for that matter, you’ll find that these individuals are treated not only as experts, but even infallible at times. Such a high status begs the question of whether this status is properly earned.
“These decisions typically prioritize short-term outcomes over their long-term counterparts in order to garner trust from the public while implementing destructive policies.” If we look at the track record of these experts, we can see how effective they are at producing good policy outcomes. We can begin with a consideration of economic policies. One major
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justification for centrally planned governments, such as the Soviet Union, was the efficiency of an economy run completely by experts. Unfortunately, the world would soon learn that free markets tend to have more efficient and faster growing economies than those that are centrally planned. The Soviet Union’s internal collapse was a painful, for some, reminder of this lesson. Despite this, experts continue to advocate for these same progressive and even socialist policies that lead to economic decline. Even the advocates of the so-called “mixed economy” fumble as they attempt to explain the rampant inflation without considering the expansion of money supply brought by their policies. Foreign policy is also rife with failures, as Afghanistan reminded us of the difficulty involved with regime change projects. Finally, COVID lockdowns and regulations have failed to accomplish tangible results compared to states or countries that pursued opposite policies. This leads us back to the topic of the essay: “Why do experts fail?”, I can provide 2 possible explanations for why this is the case. The first relies on the probability that experts are working against the interests of the public. For instance, Fauci has flipped on several important issues such as masks, the lengths of the lockdowns, and others. In light of the confirmation of US gain of function research funding in Wuhan, it’s entirely possible that Fauci knows better but gives unreliable information anyway (most likely to say what his audience wants to hear, or due to his own narcissism). If this is true, the explanation is simple: experts fail because their decisions aren’t based on expertise. These decisions typically prioritize short-term outcomes over their long-term counterparts in order to garner trust from the public while implementing destructive policies. This would invalidate all of the assertions made by these experts as they are designed to produce bad outcomes over time. The main issue
with this explanation is that you would have to prove that the expert is acting with bad intentions, a very difficult task. Though, if one can prove it then the case is clear. The other scenario is one in which the experts have no incentive to avoid their expertise. Looking back to the foreign policy mishaps, it’s hard to assume that those experts wouldn’t act carefully; still, they have failed. Why? Perhaps their expertise isn’t as effective as one would assume. Upon researching information for this article, I came across a Substack piece describing the work of the economist Phil Tetlock. According to Tetlock, when making predictions or forecasts in areas of the social sciences, expertise has no correlation with accuracy. This can explain the failures of foreign policy experts, economists, and others who attempt to predict outcomes of proposed policies. One possible reason for this result is the effect of unaccounted incentives, faulty assumptions, or plain uncertainty. Such uncertainty is common even in the hard sciences where knowledge of concepts tends to correlate with positive outcomes. With all this in mind, maybe we have been asking too much of these experts over the years. An expert may demonstrate his proficiency in a field through rigorous studies, however, this may not always correlate with positive outcomes. If society is to learn any lesson from these failures it is to proceed cautiously with any prediction or policy with little to no record of success. Such wisdom must be taken if we are to avoid these failures in the future.
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CLEARING REAGAN’S ECONOMIC POLICY RECORD
Clearing Reagan’s Economic Policy Record By Siddharth Gundapaneni
W
e know that Presidents have only so much control over an economy and that they aren’t always responsible for what goes on in a given year, but oftentimes a President is the driving force behind the economic success of a nation. Our fortieth president, Ronald Reagan was exactly that. Touting astounding growth paired through limited government principles, Reagan’s economic record was one for the books. With each party having an incentive to vilify the other as our nation stands divided, the track record of Ronald Reagan has also been repeatedly smeared through a campaign of disinformation. And on the topic of a divided nation, it’s always pleasant to reminisce about a united America under Reagan. Let’s start off by addressing the elephant in the room: what happened with his tax cuts? The most commonly-perpetuated claims was that Reagan only cut taxes for the rich, expecting the wealth to “trickle down.” Aside from the fact that Reagan (or Vice President Bush) never publicly uttered the phrase “Trickle-Down Economics,” the claim as a whole is simply false. Reagan did notably cut the top marginal income tax rate from 70% all the way down to 28%, but he also cut the income taxes of every tax bracket, and no, these tax cuts were not deficit financed. In fact, the specific tax cuts nearly paid for themselves. When taking a look at IRS data from the Statistics of Income, it should be noted that income tax revenues almost quintupled among those over $200,000 from 1980 to 1988. In 1980, the federal government collected about $19 billion in income tax revenue from those making over $200,000, and in 1988 that number rose to $99 billion. These tax cuts did in fact raise revenues, seeing Laffer Curve-esque revenue feedback in action. So then one might ask, what provisions in Reagan’s tax cuts did contribute to the debt? When viewing the Tax Reform Act of 1986, arguably the largest tax cut during Reagan’s
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tenure, we see numerous provisions that are not a rate tax cut, but rather increased deductions that overwhelmingly support working class Americans, such as the standard deduction, personal exemption, earned income tax credit, and more. That reform led to a whopping six million low-income Americans no longer paying federal income taxes. The effect of such a policy is often understated by historians. Millions of low-income Americans being relieved of one of their largest yearly costs should always be touted as a successful policy, but instead partisan politicians will make Reagan out to be the demagogue that despises the well-being of the impoverished. Many commentators and analysts remark that the 1950s and 60s was a time of optimal income taxation, yet the understanding is often lacking when it comes to how many people actually paid the excessively high rates. Hence why Reagan was able to quintuple revenues following the series of tax cuts passed, as people began to fully pay the fairer rates levied. Furthermore, Reagan also receives ample criticism from fiscal conservatives that claim his increased military expenditures ballooned the debt, making him a hypocrite. This is also quickly disproven, when examining the details of the situation. At the time of Reagan’s inauguration, America was just recovering from almost a decade of high inflation and unemployment — also known as stagflation. The primary catalyst in ending said
economic turmoil was Federal Reserve Chairman Paul Volcker. His policy of stark increases to interest rate targets and slow inflation is now remembered as the “Volcker Shock.” Unfortunately, almost all economic policy has its trade-offs, and the Volcker Shock was no exception. These high interest rates gave Reagan a slowed economy with savings disincentivized, and borrowing having a higher cost than ever. Such policy was necessary, but in no way the fault of Reagan. Thus, for an accurate understanding of how much Reagan really contributed to the debt, we must factor out interest payments on the debt, which were much higher during the Volcker Shock. Reagan also had to deal with the Savings and Loan Crisis that peaked in 1987, and passed a multitude of bailout programs for banks that were eventually paid back to future administrations. This tends to make Reagan look worse when viewing spending patterns, as Reagan’s contributions to the deficit were overstated, and presidents that followed him were paid back by the banks which made them look even better. By that same logic, we can factor out bailouts for crises that didn’t add much to the debt. When comparing the annualized spending growth of all presidents post-WWII, and accounting for bank bailouts and net interest payments, the results may be shocking to some. President Reagan averaged the lowest spending growth of all post-war presidents, as in reality he did not add half as much to the debt as many commentators may portray. Still, Reagan was no saint. He definitely increased military spending more than most fiscal conservatives had hoped. But was Reaganomics a failure? Absolutely not! Reagan improved the lives of millions by strengthening federal transfers to the impoverished, while also allowing more financial choice by putting more money in the hands of constituents through tax cuts.
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DOGS!
Dogs!
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Vol. XXXIV, Issue VI
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We Adopted a Puppy
WE ADOPTED A PUPPY
By Evelyn Medina
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s finals are coming up on us, and this year comes to a close, what we desperately need is some time to relax and unwind from yet another semester of hard work. I personally cannot wait for the break, as I get to watch my little brother go to high school while I stay home eating leftovers from our Christmas feast. However, what I am most looking forward to is spending the extra time with my mini schnauzer, Nemo, and my mutt, Lucy. Nemo was my very first puppy, and we adopted him into our family last year in August. That’s right, we were one of the COVID puppy families. I can’t say I am ashamed to fall victim to begging my mom for another dog when Lucy was fine on her own, but there was something about having the extra time off from school that made me want to take on another challenge. I began to look up corgi puppies, as I have always wanted a corgi, but there were none in the area. I don’t know how long after I began my search for yet another pet, that my mom began to like the idea too, and it didn’t help that my brother had been asking for another dog for about a year. Either way, one Saturday afternoon, my brother slept in until about 2pm, while my mom and I took a ride to look for puppies. That morning, I had no clue that I would be coming home that night with a 10 week old, grey Mini Schnauzer named Nemo. Having Nemo is like having a toddler; we need to watch him all the time, and make sure he doesn’t chew on the cats. Nonetheless, Nemo is sprightly, noisy, and so smart. Within a week, he learned to sit, lay down,
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and leave Lucy’s food alone. In about a month, we had taught him to “dance.” In two months, we taught him to “go to bed,” which meant get in the cage. Even now, going into the cage doesn’t bother him. Nemo associates it with a comfy bed and food. One day, after school, I had the idea to teach him how to do agility tricks. In 2 days, and less than 20 minutes per day, Nemo learned to jump through a hoop. It was easy to teach him these tricks, considering he will do anything for food. After a few months of practicing these tricks, and getting to know my new puppy, it was time for Christmas, and last year was unlike any other. A week before Christmas, the Northeast was slammed with a blizzard unlike anything we have ever seen. The last time the northeast reached four feet of snow in one night, I hadn’t even been born. Nemo had seen his first snowfall before, but this experience was very exciting for my little dog. After an hour of shoveling a small pathway for the dogs to leave the porch, Nemo. ran down the steps and chased Lucy in the small path. Of course, he also took the opportunity to chase her into the four feet of snow, where neither of them made it more than two feet of the way into it. After two days, about half of the snow had melted and flooded our parks, but this was good news for Nemo. Why? Because at night, when it dropped below freezing, the mounds of snow in our yard became solid ice, and in the morning, Nemo had more
room to run, and chase Lucy around the yard. His particular favorite spot was on top of the mound of snow in front of the door. He would sit for long periods of time on that snow mound, and it was always the first place he would go when I let him outside. Nemo doesn’t like the cold. In fact, he doesn’t like the warmth either. In the winter, he will shiver until you pick him up to hold him, or else he needs a sweater. He enjoys wearing sweaters, and waits patiently for us to put them on him. In the Summer, Nemo will only be able to walk for about five minutes before he finds a shady area to lay down in. I need to carry him home or drag him home, because he will not tolerate walking in the heat, even when we cut his fur short. Nemo has so much personality, the world cannot even compare itself to him. When we adopted him last year, we did not know how much a Mini Schnauzer would do for us. They are not only one of the most intelligent dog breeds, they are one of the most entertaining and lovable. With their eyebrows and beards, there is not a single person who would regret getting a Nemo of their own.
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A BRILLIANT REMAKE, A SHINING NOSTALGIA TRIP: REVIEW
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A Brilliant Remake, A Shining Nostalgia Trip: Review By Patrick McAuliffe
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s a young and stupid child, I was infatuated with Pokemon and played whatever iteration of the series that I could get my hands on. My first game was Ruby for the Game Boy Advance, with Crusher the Swampert and Sparky the Raichu reaching Level 100 far before the rest of my team and sweeping anyone in my way. I wasn’t very sentient at that point, but my most vivid early Pokemon memories came from Pokemon Diamond on the Nintendo DS, where I finally had an inkling of what I should be doing. This game was so full of new and amazing Pokemon, so beautiful in that time period’s art style, so rich in its story and culture that my assumptions about future Pokemon games were based primarily on my experience of Diamond. Now that the Generation IV remakes, Brilliant Diamond and Shining Pearl (BDSP), are released on the Switch, the Sinnoh region gets the flashy new paint job that previous old Pokemon games have gone through over the years. My expectations for this game were both subverted and disappointed, but overall, I can’t say enough positive things about Pokemon Brilliant Diamond. Brilliant Diamond and Shining Pearl were developed, not by Game Freak, in a pivot for the franchise, but instead by a relatively small studio called ILCA that has developed games such as the NieR series. When the remakes were announced, you could imagine my ecstasy at what they would do with the games for the Switch. The first trailer was released and, to my surprise, every character sprite was done in a chibi-like, cutesy style, while keeping the copy-paste nature of the natural environment common to older Pokemon games (trees, rocks, waterfalls, etc). This was the first thing that set off small alarm bells in my head; I was worried that this would be so vastly different from recent games in the series that it was hard to return my brain to the days when sprites were mostly made up of the character’s head. Funko Pop-esque people like Professor Rowan and Cyrus were an unexpected and subversive twist, but not only did this stylistic choice look adorable, it reminded me fondly of those sprites from the old days. One of Diamond and Pearl’s biggest critiques was the lack of Pokemon diversity. For example, only two Fire-type evolutionary lines were available before Platinum, one of which is the Fire-type starter Chimchar and its evolutions. Gen IV also introduced so many new and badass evolutions for previous
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Pokemon, but those Pokemon were unavailable in the base games without transfer from Gen III games like Ruby or LeafGreen using the dual-cartridge mode on the DS. I initially felt disappointed at this lack of diversity that ILCA carried over from the original games, but they did add a way around this roadblock to make for the most balanced team possible. Coincidentally, this method is found in one of my favorite original gimmicks of Sinnoh that has been retouched and perfected: the Grand Underground.
“I was able to find a Houndoom (a Fire-type option for those that don’t choose the best starter) and a Lickitung (a cunnilingus master), both of which are unavailable on the surface and not in Sinnoh’s base Pokedex, among others.” An archaeology simulator may seem like the perfect pastime for a Binghamton Review nerd like myself, but the Grand Underground is one of BDSP’s best features as a source for countless useful treasures to unearth and hundreds of different Pokemon to catch. This second feature is a new addition, as the original games didn’t have rooms of various geographical themes that featured different types of Pokemon, some of which are not in the Sinnoh Pokedex but can be caught before beating the Elite Four and upgrading to the National Dex. I was able to find a Houndoom (a Fire-type option for those that don’t choose the best starter) and a Lickitung (a cunnilingus master), both of which are unavailable on the surface and not in Sinnoh’s base Pokedex, among others. Better still, the Grand Underground is a great place to meet and play with friends and other players all over the world. The Secret Bases aren’t nearly as exciting or customizable as in the old games, but statues placed in your Base do allow you to control the chances of what types of Pokemon appear in the geographical rooms. All in all, the Grand Underground is one of the best aspects of BDSP. I could not recommend this game highly enough. Despite some of its flaws that weren’t addressed or removed from the original game, ILCA did an excellent job on Brilliant Diamond and Shining Pearl. I’ve seen lots of remakes come and go, and Brilliant Diamond barely beats out HeartGold for the #2 spot on my best remake list. Omega Ruby takes the #1 spot, but that’s only because of the additional features and modern adaptation added to make it feel almost like a brand new game. If ILCA had done this, it would undoubtedly be the best remake of an older generation to date. Despite all this, I love the direction in which this game went, and it makes me even more excited for Legends: Arceus that will be releasing in January 2022. A deeper dive into one of Pokemon’s most mythological regions is something that I am extremely hyped about. Until then, Brilliant Diamond and Shining Pearl are games with the feel of a classic Pokemon adventure that any Pokemon fan, new or old, should enjoy.
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HIPPO VS HUMAN: THE NEVER-ENDING DEBATE
Hippo VS Human: The Never-Ending Debate By Michael Levy
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et me set the stage: you are in a grass enclosure about the size of the East Gym parking lot. On one side of the enclosure lies a male hippopotamus. On the other side, a group of average Americans await him and their only way to escape is by killing the beast. The real question is the true size of the group necessary to kill the hippo; how many people would you need? To begin this debate you need to know how deadly this African herbivore is, and how does the average American match up to it? An average American male stands no chance against a hippo. However, if we are accounting for the American population as a whole, then we must look at the 50% female population. Females on average weigh 20lbs less than males, 3 inches shorter, and are, on average, slower. However, these differences are negligible when comparing them to a hippo’s numbers. Nevertheless, after arguing with people about this topic for weeks, I issued a survey to 40 people asking them the same question I had previously asked at the beginning of this article, and these were the results:
Figure 1. Hippo Survey results. 60% of respondents believe it would take less than 75 people to kill a hippo, meanwhile 40% of respondents believed it would take over 75 people.
These results perfectly demonstrate how much we as humans underestimate the magnitude and power of a hippo. There is no way 30 average humans would be able to take on a hippo, but over 32.5% of participants chose the range of 11-30 hippos. I pose the question: How would you be able to kill a hippo with your bare hands? The hippopotamus is quite literally bigger than a small car, is almost twice as fast as a human, has 2-inch thick skin, and can dismember limbs like a hot knife going through butter. So naturally, after telling participants this information, I asked the participants about ways they would kill a hippo. I most often heard: “Poke its eyes out,” “push it over,” or “punch it in the head while it is eating someone.” It seems almost impossible for an average human to be able to reach over the snout of a hippo and gouge its eyes out, assuming the hippo is moving around at speeds of 20mph. My response to “pushing the hippo over” is a short one: there is no way av-
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erage people can push over 3000 lbs of hippopotamus, even if they coordinate together. Punching the hippo is even more of a lazy answer; the hippo will trample you before it even feels a thing from those measly human punches. Not only that, hippos don’t want to eat people, they just want to kill them. Remember that they are herbivores, so a hippo could simply kill someone via trampling. Realistically, then, how do you kill the hippo? I believe killing a hippo should be looked at as how the Russians beat the Nazis at Stalingrad: we send so many humans against the hippo that exhaustion kicks in. There is nothing a human can do to kill a hippo other than tiring it out. Eventually, dehydration and exhaustion will kick in, therefore ending the beast’s rampage. After hearing my argument over why humans completely underestimate the pure dominance of a hippo, how many humans do I think could defeat the hippo? My answer would be in the 400-700 people range. I think if everyone runs from the hellbent animal, the hippo would only be able to get about 300 people max. Remember that a hippo can just trample humans to kill them, so if the hippo is decently smart then it won’t waste time biting people. It simply needs to run them over. In my estimation, after about 200-300 people fall, the hippo will be unable to continue. It will pass out, its energy stores will be depleted, and it will be vulnerable. If it is not dead already, the remaining humans have some options to defeat it. Firstly, the eye-poking method can be used. If you completely blind the hippo, then obviously it will be much less dangerous to you. Secondly, rip out the hippo’s teeth. If you can get a hippo fang out via kicking or stomping, then you may be able to cut the hippo on its belly where the skin is thinner and more vulnerable. If you can’t poke its eyes or dislodge a tooth, then it’s time to play round two against the good ole hippopotamus. Round two should be less deadly; without water, the hippo will be nowhere near as deadly as it was. After round two, I believe that the hippo will be completely shot, leading to a swift ending. Surely by this time, exhaustion will kick in and mankind will reign victorious. Authors Note: Do not harm hippopotami in any way. They are beautiful species that are poached year-round. #SaveTheHippos
Figure 2. Hippo vs Human. The discrepancy between an average male hippo and an average male human is substantial. In fact, in all categories a hippo dominates a human male in strength and speed.
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THE BEST MUSIC OF 2021
The Best Music of 2021 By Dillon O’Toole
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ell, it’s the end of the fall semester and as a result, also the end of the year 2021. Well, technically the year ends in just under a month but I’m going to ignore that for the sake of this article. Today, I’m returning to the topic of music, and I’m going to comment on what the best music of the year has been. Now, this is one hundred present biased, as this only includes albums that I have listened to. So if you don’t see your favorite album on here, too bad. I want to say that this is not in any particular order, I am just commenting on the albums that I think were really good this year. So, to start off, I am going to highlight what I consider the best debut album of this year, Eternal Blue by Spiritbox. Spiritbox starts the album off strong with their song Sun Killer, an amazing opener that builds up to an intense breakdown. The greatness continues with the transition into their song Hurt You. Other stand out highlights include Secret Garden, We Live In A Strange World, Circle With Me, and Constance. I just listed seven songs out of a total of 12 as standouts (and I consider the rest of the songs to be great as well), so I think this album speaks for itself for why I am including it in my top albums. If you liked Spiritbox’s album, other albums within the same subgenre that I also consider to be great are Annisokay’s album Aurora, and Architects’ For Those That Wish to Exist. Highlights from Aurora include Like a Parasite, Stfu, The Tragedy, The Cocaines Got Your Tongue, and Standing Still. The best songs from Architects’ album are Black Lungs, Discourse Is Dead, Dead Butterflies, Little Wonder, Animals, Libertine, Goliath, and Meteor. If you are a fan of progressive music, this year has also been great. For those of you who yearn for the return of progressive rock in the style of the 1970s, the band Evership is perfect for you. Their album, The Uncrowned King - Act 1, is a great example of modern proggressive rock. Like most
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progressive rock albums, it’s best to listen to the album through in its entirety, but some standout tracks from the album include the opener The Pilgrimage, and the songs Crownshine -Allthetime, The Tower, Yettocome - Itmightbe, and Wait. If you want some heavier proggressive music, I have a couple of choices for you. Mastodon’s Hushed and Grim and Between the Buried (BTBAM) and Me’s Colors II. The thing about progressive music is that the songs and sometimes the albums tend to be quite long, and Mastodon pushes their album length to the limit with Hushed and Grim coming in at a whopping hour and twenty-six minutes. Lots of great music is packed into that extended length, but if you had to check out a limited selection I would listen to Pain with an Anchor, Sickle and Peace, Teardrinker, Pushing the Tides, Savage Lands, and Gobblers of Dregs. BTBAM’s album, Colors II, is a sequel to their 2007 album Colors (shocking I know). As Colors is one of BTBAM’s best albums, Colors II had a lot to live up to. In my opinion, it does not disappoint. The album starts off great with Monochrome. The album continues to be great with songs such as Revolution In Limbo, Fix The Error, Never Seen / Future Shock, and The Future Is Behind Us. The album closes with the fifteen minute song Human Is Hell (Another One With Love), which concludes the album excellently. I’m out of nice genre groupings, so I’m just going to start talking about the other albums that proved their greatness to me this year. To start, let’s talk about an album that is a little less aggressive and instead is pretty calming. This album would be Deafheaven’s Infinite Granite. This is yet another album that is best listened to from start to finish. But, for those of you who want some highlighted songs, try listening to Great Mass of Color or Lament for Wasps. These are my two personal favorites to listen to when I don’t want to listen to the full album. A more dance inspired album, but
still within the genres of rock or metal, would be Royal Blood’s Typhoons. The band’s third album, it continues demonstrating why only two people are necessary to create excellent music. My personal favorites off the album are Trouble’s Coming, Typhoons, and Who Needs Friends. If you’re looking for some Black Sabbath inspired music, look no further than the subgenre of Doom Metal. The two albums I would recommend from this genre are Monolord’s Your Time to Shine, and Khemmis’ Deceiver. Both albums have short track listings, so don’t expect too long of a list here. For Monolord’s album, my three favorite songs are The Weary, I’ll Be Damned, and Your Time to Shine. For Khemmis’ album, my favorites include Avernal Gate, Living Pyre, and Obsidian Crown. The final album I am going to discuss is Starset’s Horizons. With Starset being one of my favorite bands, this album was almost certainly going to be on my list of best albums this year. Standouts from the album include OTHERWORLDLY, EARTHRISE, LEAVING THIS WORLD BEHIND, DEVOLUTION, THIS ENDLESS ENDEAVOR, TUNNELVISION, INFECTED, and SOMETHING WICKED. Not only do I consider this album to be one of the best of the year, I can also confirm that Starset is a great live band. If you ever want to see a band live, Starset is a great choice. Well, I hope someone out there enjoyed my selections for the best music this year. Hopefully nothing releases this month to make this list completely outdated.
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MOST CONTROVERSIAL BINGHAMTON REVIEW REVIEW
Most Controversial Binghamton Review Review By Madeline Perez
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019. The start of my freshman year at Binghamton University. Rosycheeked and baby-faced, I would still be 17 long after it was cool. Eager to be out of the stressful environment of my youth, I had a short period of ignorant bliss, unaware of the imminent rude awakening the winter would bring. But I’m not here to talk about how my greatest adversary, mental illness, was there waiting for me in the weeds; I’m here to talk about the Bing Review-and that fall semester was when I joined, drawn in immediately by memes at UFest like a moth to a flame. I’m not a republican and I never have been, but libertarian anti-authoritarianism always seemed like a bigger part of the Review than conservatism ever was. As a left-libertarian, I found that my personal values of free speech aligned with what the club was trying to accomplish. A magazine where anyone could get any opinion published? What? That sounds cool as hell. Time to write about the neuroscience of post-nut clarity. I’ve published a lot in these three years, and have climbed quite high in the ranks, which was very easy considering the very small population and my enthralling natural charisma. Being part of this club was one of the best aspects of my college experience so far, but it hasn’t been without its consequences. I have been harassed and insulted because people get very, very confused about what Binghamton Review is all about. So, dear reader, for your ease and entertainment, I have compiled a list of the top three best and worst things about the belovéd Binghamton Review. Top 3 worst things:
3. Press Watch Lately, Press Watch has been probably the biggest source of backlash Binghamton Review faces. I have some criticisms. First, it’s not written by our entire staff; it’s written by one or two people each time, and I honestly don’t want what’s said there to be as-
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sociated with me. Now that all other publications besides Pipe Dream (except that one-off by Free Press; yeah, that’s right. I read the Phoenix Issue) have essentially died, the only thing to “Press Watch” is the bland sleep-inducing Pipe Dream, which leads to some even worse “rebuttal” content. Now, what used to be a way to comedically highlight hypocrisy in the other Binghamton University publications has become a way for one person to insert their right-wing opinions under the guise of “truth.” Bing Review could be better. I simply dislike most of Press Watch and it’s ironically something the editorial process doesn’t watch as closely.
2. Size You may not know this, but the Binghamton Review group size is quite small (unlike our… love for the movie Cars). Think like… 6 people who consistently write and participate. This problem, exacerbated by untrue rumors that our club is by and for neocons, white men, and little Hitlers, contributes to some problems. The first is not having enough articles to consistently fill the magazine, since we print 6 issues a semester. This directly leads to last-minute writing on the night we put the issue together, which I am actually doing right now. Freaky, huh? This inevitably leads to slight typos and small editorial mistakes of which I have definitely been guilty of in the past. The tiny population of Bing Review members leads me to sometimes fear for the continuation of the club, but we’ve been going since ‘87, so I’m not too worried. 1. Battling A Reputation The worst part of being in this club is the student’s perception of what we publish, despite never reading us. I’m going to keep this short since I don’t like to complain. I have been called homophobic, sexist, racist, told to stop writing, that I was being “used by the club for diversity,” and threat-
ened that I should beware walking around campus. Wow! Quite strange to hear for someone who has only published comedy articles, mostly about movies, science, and creative writing. Curious that people who ideologically align with reformation won’t even give The Review a chance before illegally throwing away our articles, hopefully into recycling! Top 3 best things: 3. Cringe I used to love Cringe Compilations, and I would watch them when the Big Sad would attack me in high school. Whenever something cringy happens at Bing Review meetings, I throw my head back and let out a hearty laugh. “HAHAHAHAHAHA,” I chuckle, comically holding my gut. 2. Creativity I’m running out of space, so I’ll make this short. The club has been infinitely supportive of me and anything I’ve wanted to pursue. Not only do I write for every issue, I’ve started an advice column, written a short video skit (you can find on our youtube channel), and have drawn a couple of the covers, including Sexy Baxter, Bunny Woman, and Infinite Monkey Theorem Chimp, (All integral parts of the Binghamton Review extended universe.) 1. Members The people at the review are mostly epic. Matt’s cool, I guess. IDK, don’t tell him I said that. Pat and Adrienne taught me how to love again and how to process my feelings. Some, who will not be named, share my love for Neon Genesis Evangelion and their domestic squabbling makes me laugh. Dillon likes cars. He also helps me with my Advice Column, since I value his advice. Joe is there. All in all, I really do enjoy my time with the review and admire the generosity, authenticity, and quirky personalities of their characters. SIKE lol.
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BORING CROSSWORD
Boring Crossword
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Across 1. The color of my balls after November ended. 6. The thing you should wait until. 7. The best app to find out how horny Binghamton is. (2 words) 9. The best place to get Chicken on campus. 11. Something that the Review still does not have. 12. The best food chain to accidentally eat haram tuna at.
BORING CROSSWORD
Down 1. The sexiest mascot at our school. 2. The place in the magazine to see our E.I.C. slowly lose his mind. 3. The tests at the end of the semester that make you want to climb to the top of bartle library and ponder life’s worth. 4. Best adjective to describe this crossword 5. The best place to eat halal food at 2 a.m. 8. The place on campus where you wait on line for 30 minutes to buy overpriced coffee. 10. The town that Binghamton University is located in.
Want the answers? Check out our Instagram @bing_review for the answer key (assuming you’re small-brained and actually need it).
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