SILENCE
BINGHAMTONREVIEW.COM
Silence By Madeline Perez
I
feel that every moment I need to be productive. Being productive enables me to excuse my own existence– I had a good day if I furthered my education – maybe improved a skill, or made some money. I force myself to read books or play video games that I don’t necessarily feel interested in just so I can get a sense of completing something or having a “worthwhile experience.” I want to culture myself. I want to seem talented. I need to be good at everything I’m interested in because otherwise, I’m wasting my life. I need to be constantly entertaining or insightful to the people around me because otherwise, why would they stay? Aren’t they, too, entitled to constant entertainment? I feel entitled to constant stimulation. When I try to fall asleep, I listen to music or videos so I don’t accidentally waste an hour or two of my life sitting in silence. Quiet makes me anxious, and on bad days I wouldn’t dare expose myself to something as dangerous as silence. I get antsy when I’m bored and I get bored quickly, which is annoying because if I’m going to have a break from doing work it should be the most enjoyable, entertaining break possible. Right when I wake up, I feel the need to engage myself with something. Brushing my teeth and eating breakfast without some sort of noise is boring, and there is something so rewarding about watching something while eating. It’s killing two birds with one stone to free up more time for productivity. If I get relaxing out of the way in the margins of my day, then surely, I can be more focused on things I need to do later.
“Compared to the strides of music, media, and entertainment, my dream Little-house-on-the-prairie-inspired life never had a fighting chance.” 10
BINGHAMTON REVIEW
I want to live simpler. I want to feel like I’m allowed to exist without having to prove I’m worth the space. I want to go back to before all of human information, media, entertainment, and social interactions were in a little rectangular box everyone keeps on them at all times. Back when all the food you could buy was real and not pumped full of shit that will kill you. Back when kids in my neighborhood would run around outside, when now they’re too shy to knock on a door and would rather play video games like Fortnite. Yes, I am aware I sound like a boomer reciting “it’s because of that damn phone!” But honestly—I fully believe it is. Most of this, anyway. I believe that the needs fulfilled by real-life human interaction and community contribution are being replaced with the dopaminergic rush of looking at memes on social media and binge-watching anime alone in your dorm room. And how could it not be? Compared to the strides of music, media, and entertainment, my dream Little-house-on-the-prairie-inspired life never had a fighting chance. I once said that the most pretentious thing a human being could possibly do is reference David Foster Wallace while criticizing some societal issue. I still hold that belief. Anyway, in a 2003 interview with the German television station, ZDF, David Foster Wallace briefly shared some of his beliefs on silence and our growing culture of instant gratification. “When you walk into most public spaces in America it isn’t quiet anymore, they pipe music through… but it seems significant that we don’t want things to be
quiet ever, anymore.” Listening to this interview, I felt very attacked, especially since I was using it for background noise while folding laundry. “Uh oh… he’s talking about me,” I so-bravely thought. It seems true, though. It’s normal to drown yourself in music nowadays. People go about their day listening to podcasts and music and god knows what else technology has to offer. “But before that, it was news paper and book!!” you taunt, outsmarting me. I don’t think so. People can still talk to you when you’re reading, but headphone-wearing has just about become the universal sign for Do Not Disturb.
“If left to their own devices, the rats would keep frantically pushing that lever like an intense game of Galaga until they died of starvation, surrounded by food.” I feel like this topic of constant noise has been exacerbated to include the modern-day never-ending slew of memes and videos thrown at you on apps like Instagram and TikTok, as you scroll on and on… forever. It’s incredibly addicting. I keep going through periods of deleting Instagram because, again, my thing about wasting time, and I find myself unconsciously looking in the place the app used to be, and mindlessly clicking on other random apps hoping for the same breed of satisfaction. “Hmmm… is there anything fun on my period tracker app today?” And that scares me. Why do I do that? A lot of people talk about how their attention span is ruined because of social media, but it’s ruined far more than that. The enjoyment we derive from quality time with friends and engaging in hobbies is being eclipsed by media specifically designed to capture our attention and hold it for hours. Our health and happiness are at stake,
Vol. XXXIV, Issue VII
