INSECURITY: IS THERE A CURE?
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Insecurity: Is There a Cure? By Madeline Perez
I
’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that you, reader, have an insecurity. Maybe you think you’re ugly, or maybe unlovable; possibly even sexually dysfunctional. Why not all three! Everyone is insecure about something unless they’re not smart enough to know how to doubt themselves, like toddlers. Actually, do toddlers have insecurities? I’m not sure on that one, so don’t quote me on anything. Anyway, it’s my belief that insecurity is one of the only feelings that has no social utility. Many negative emotional states, though convoluted, have roots in purpose. Anxiety (the feeling) is often an important motivator necessary for success, survival, or some other third s-word. A slight depression after some negative life change, forcing you to pause and forget your responsibilities, can at times be crucial to properly cope with what happened and start to heal. Guilt and regret, while closely related to insecurity, serve an important situational purpose in understanding when you’ve done something “wrong” or hurt someone else (duh). Though annoying as they can be, these feelings mean you’re not a sociopath and are capable of feeling a little something I made up that I like to call “empathy.” While guilt focuses on feeling bad about something you did, insecurity is often feeling bad about something you are. A consistent, never-ending selfguilt that’s pointed inward and makes you desperate for relief. Regular guilt has a purpose - you can change your actions; what’s the point of feeling bad about yourself?
“Do they love me? Do they really care about me? Will they leave me when they figure out what a worthless leech I am, sucking the happiness from their life like some sort of deranged, rabid, happy-sucking vampire? ” 10
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Insecurity is not an acknowledgment of self-awareness. Often, people are insecure about things that either aren’t real or don’t really matter (double duh). People will often bring up or apologize for some minute insecurity to try and prove they’re “self-aware,” transparently attacking themselves first before others can. This can lead to some uncomfortable situations, one of which I will now demonstrate through a hypothetical. If I’m insecure about my big feet (which I’m not, my feet aren’t even big), bringing it up around other people won’t make them think “oh, well at least she knows about it, so that makes it alright.” What it actually does is draw attention to the fact that I’m insecure. Now, these other people are in a position where they can truthfully agree with me, which will crush me, disagree to spare my insecurity, or awkwardly stay silent, wishing they never entered this conversation in the first place. Chances are, you’ve been in this situation before. Chances are, you’ve put others in this situation before, it’s happened to the best of us. There’s no shame in having insecurities, but girl, this is not a good color on you. Other people shouldn’t have to pay the price for your insecurities. They need to be fixed from the inside, and not the outside, which means it’s kind of up to you. Getting that amazing feeling when someone compliments something you’re insecure about isn’t really a good thing; it’s indicative of some larger problem. It’s not healthy to be that desperate to hear words to fill that insecurity hole inside your chest. It’s actually never healthy to have a hole in your chest! I get it; when you are insecure about something, and I mean deeply insecure, a word on the contrary from the right person can be more alluring than the finest crack money can buy. Insecurity breeds desperation, which festers and maggots its way through relationships like swissed cheese. Do they love me? Do they really care about me? Will they leave me when
they figure out what a worthless leech I am, sucking the happiness from their life like some sort of deranged, rabid, happy-sucking vampire? I don’t think being insecure is anyone’s fault. In some cases, the insecurity is directly brought on by other people and how they treat you. Maybe you keep questioning if that person loves you because you know on some level they’re not treating you like they do, and instead of confronting them about it you label yourself as unlovable. Maybe you’ve been told having big feet is bad by a cruel society, and rather than recognizing that there’s nothing inherently wrong with it you blame yourself because society can feel like seven billion against one sometimes, and how can I win with those odds? The trick to insecurity is looking outward instead of inward; what situation was I in that is making me worry about this? Was it a realistic criticism of something I need to change, or is it a harmless trait that makes no sense fretting over? Is this hurting anybody? Is it something I can change if I wanted to? Is it even real? This can be borderline impossible to solve quickly, especially if you’re reversing years of mistreatment, teasing, or belittlement. But give it time. No one should spend all day worrying whether they’re unlovable or deserving of friendship. You’re not the vague and archetypal “bad person” every good person thinks they are. Now that you’ve learned to analyze why you’re insecure, you need to figure out how to stop that insecurity from self-propagating. What’s most
Vol. XXXIV, Issue XII
