BINGHAMTON REVIEW P.O. BOX 6000 BINGHAMTON, NY EDITOR@BINGHAMTONREVIEW.COM13902-6000 Contents TELL US WHAT YOU THINK! Direct feedback to editor@binghamtonreview.com 2 BINGHAMTON REVIEW Vol. XXXV, Issue I Founded 1987 • Volume XXXV, Issue I MARIJUANA INFLATION AT BINGHAMTON UNIVERSITY PAGE 4 3 Editorial by Madeline Perez by Sid Gundapaneni 5 Accounts from a Gen Z Male in 2028 - part 1 by Anonymous 6 LEFTIST MEME ALERT by Madeline Perez 8 The ABCs BinghamtonOf by Our Staff 10 One Step Forward, Two Steps Back by Julius Apostata 12 The (Punch)Line by Joe Badalamenti 14 The Silliest of Seasons by Dillon O’Toole Editor-in-Chief Madeline Perez Copy Desk Chief Shayne O’Loughlin Business Manager Siddharth Gundapaneni Editor Emeritus Matt Gagliano Contributors Anonymous Special Thanks To: Intercollegiate Studies Institute Collegiate Network Binghamton Review was printed by Gary Marsden We Provide the Truth. He Provides the Staples Staff Writers JoeJuliusBadalamentiApostata Managing Editor Dillon O’Toole Social Media Shitposter Arthur O’Sullivan
This year is going to be great. For The Review, that is. I have no idea how your year is going to go; that will probably depend on how difficult your major is. Sincerely, I hope you enjoy this issue. And if you don’t, there’s probably something wrong with you and you should see a doctor. Good luck in class!
MadelineSincerely, Perez
For you aforementioned incoming freshmen, you’re probably feeling really confused right now. Confused about what exactly this magazine is. Confused about the syllabus. Most importantly, confused about how to get to Library North, whatever that is. But wait, have your cries of desperation been heard? Rejoice! “The ABCs of Binghamton” on page 8 will tell you all you need to know and more about the university you just sold your soul to.
From the Editoreditor@binghamtonreview.comEDITORIAL BINGHAMTON REVIEW 3
Do you like strange political content? Make sure to read my article “LEFTIST MEME ALERT” on page 6, where I briefly talk about how certain recent bills and arguments from the right have negatively impacted LGBT rights. If you’re looking for something concise… please look elsewhere. On page 5, we have a semi-political science fiction piece set in war-torn 2028, referencing current-day trends in ways that would make even the bravest soldier cringe.
Views expressed by writers do not necessarily represent the views of the publication as a whole.
What’s that? You have no political bias and believe yourself to be above the hoards of direction-leaners? Check out Julius Aposta’s “One Step Forward, Two Steps Back” on page 10, where he manages to take a stance against the stanceless. Finally, make sure to look at Joe Badalamenti’s “The (Punch)Line,”on page 12, where he dunks on the Saudi Arabian Government’s idea of a “utopian city.” Just wait until they find out about the second dimension.
Dear Readers, Welcome back, students! And to you incoming freshmen I simply say: Welcome! I’ll be completely honest with you, this semester will be tough. With all of the heat waves we’ve been getting, many of you will be left questioning why most buildings in the Binghamton area were built without central AC. I know I am! That’s why this issue has a picture of “hell” on the cover. When it’s over 85 degrees out, it’s hard to imagine I’m anywhere else. But don’t fret! There’s a solution. Let this Binghamton Review issue be the crisp, refreshing water to quench your intellectual thirst. Let us cool you in the sweet summer geyser of these fortnightly editions. We will pour our articles over you like Gatorade, and you, the football coach who brought our team to eminence! Sorry. That got a little weird. Maybe even… silly. If you’re looking for more “silly” content, make sure to check out Dillon O’Toole’s article “The Silliest of Seasons” on page 14. Yes! Killed it with that segue. Anyway, give it a read! I assure you, whichever season you think it may be, you’re most likely wrong. The real answer may drive you crazy. Wink.
Is that weed I smell? Well, let me just say I know the reason our school color is green. For more grass, hash, and broccoli, be sure to read Siddharth Gundapenini’s article on “Marijuana Inflation at Binghamton University” and page 4. And CIW says I never do anything for them. SMH.
Binghamton Review is a non-partisan, student-run news magazine of conservative thought founded in 1987 at Binghamton University. A true liberal arts education expands a student’s horizons and opens one’s mind to a vast array of divergent perspectives. The mark of true maturity is being able to engage with these perspectives rationally while maintaining one’s own convictions. In that spirit, we seek to promote the free and open exchange of ideas and offer alternative viewpoints not normally found or accepted on our predominately liberal campus. We stand against tyranny in all of its forms, both on campus and beyond. We believe in the principles set forth in this country’s Declaration of Independence and seek to preserve the fundamental tenets of Western civilization. It is our duty to expose the warped ideology of political correctness and cultural authoritarianism that dominates this university. Finally, we understand that a moral order is a necessary component of any civilized society. We strive to inform, engage with, and perhaps even amuse our readers in carrying out this mission.
This is especially surprising con sidering the pricing trends most other goods have taken. From July 2021 to July 2022, the Personal Consumption Expenditures Price Index (PCEPI) measured by the Bureau of Economic Analysis, indicated that prices rose by 6.3%. On the other hand, since August 2021, the price of an ounce of mari juana has fallen by a whopping 27%, a half ounce by 35%, and an eighth by 33%.
MARIJUANA INFLATION AT BINGHAMTON UNIVERSITY Marijuana Inflation at Binghamton University
Granted, although some data constraints may account for some overestimation, one can say for certain that the price of marijuana from street pharmacists at Binghamton University has fallen over the last year. The lim ited sample size, lack of professional survey resources, and regional differ ences have led to a larger margin of error, but given the extent of the price decreases, one can conclude that pric es of marijuana have likely fallen na tionwide. It is important to note that New York has suffered less inflation than the vast majority of states, so con ditions may be different elsewhere.
Similar trends can be noted in the legal cannabis industry to a slightly lesser extent, with the price of flow er (quantities measured not specified) falling by 16.7% from January 2021 to January 2022. This indicates that there are factors that are mitigating the inflationary pressures seen in the macroeconomy, that are endemic to the marijuana industry. The most log ical assumption is that the number of marijuana cultivators has grown, thus driving down the price.
In the United States, inflation ac counting serves an ever more im portant role. The Bureau of Labor Sta tistics, Bureau of Economic Analysis, and numerous private firms all cal culate different measures of inflation, all with the same general purpose of allowing macroeconomic researchers to understand how much prices are rising, what specific goods/services are gaining popularity, and where these changes are taking place. Unfortunate ly, this analysis remains confined to goods and services sold legally. While these statistics remain helpful, any sales taking place on the black market are left out. Even if black market sales are frowned upon by many, it does have a profound impact on its participants. In the 2008 release of the System of National Accounts, a joint publication by the UN, World Bank, EU, IMF, and OECD stated that it is crucial for data on unofficial markets to be tracked in tandem with legal markets. Therefore, it is just as important to track similar statistics of these illicit substances. While it would be difficult for me to aggregate all this data, I thought I would set out to provide such a statis tic for students of Binghamton Univer sity. Furthermore, while it is important to study the macroeconomy, one could also argue that it is even more import ant to understand the microfounda tions that make up the macroecono my. Henceforth, Binghamton students should recognize price changes on campus, and adjust their consumption patterns accordingly. I will be sampling data on prices of marijuana from various street phar macists across campus. Then, inflation (or lack thereof) of marijuana will be compared to prices on a general level. Note, no marijuana was pur chased or consumed for the purposes of this article. Marijuana is a substance that is illegal to possess on the campus of Binghamton University, this data is being collected for research and writ ing use only. I am not encouraging anyone to purchase marijuana.
For the purposes of this article, data was collected at three intervals: one year ago, six months ago, and the present day. I have collected pric es of the most commonly purchased amounts, an eighth, a half ounce (zip), and an ounce. Although many people purchase above an ounce, such as by the quarter pound, half pound, pound, etc, such seasoned consumers likely have a better idea of usual pricings.
Currently, the average price for an eighth is about $39. A half ounce comes in at $95, and an ounce has been around $171. This stands in stark contrast to prices about 6 months ago. In February 2022, on average an eighth went for $44, a half ounce for $111, and an ounce for $210. Finally, in August 2021, an eighth was on aver age purchased for $59, a half for $147, and a zip for $235.
Provided are the raw menu num bers, as opposed to sale prices. Many seasoned consumers receive discounts, and thus pay lower than listed prices.
By Siddharth Gundapenini
For y’all, pay less attention to the raw numbers, and instead heed the trends described in a later paragraph.
Furthermore, this survey was un able to account for quality changes, a flaw also found in traditional inflation measures such as the Consumer Price Index (CPI) and the Personal Con sumption Expenditures Price Index (PCEPI). Given constrained supply chains and travel, one can assume that the quality of marijuana may have also fallen, and that can partially account for some of the price decrease.
In a year where the media has been covered by inflation headlines, it is settling to see deflation in at least one market, even if illegal. While I cannot encourage anyone to purchase illicit substances, consumers are en joying a surplus in this market given nominal wage increases across income groups and age groups, and the falling price of marijuana. There’s no better time to purchase weed at Binghamton University, aside from the future, if the detailed trends are to continue!
For this piece, quantities larger than an ounce will not be measured.
4 BINGHAMTON REVIEW Vol. XXXV, Issue BINGHAMTONREVIEW.COMI
TO BE CONTINUED?
editor@binghamtonreview.com BINGHAMTON REVIEW 5 BINGHAMTONREVIEW.COM ACCOUNTS FROM A GEN Z MALE IN 2028 - PART I
““ON GOD! FOR REAL?!” Dr. Lackland sputtered, likely referring to the spa ghetti bolognese that had once composed Lib’s right leg and groin.”
‘Damnit! I forgot we lose an hour today.’ I thought, looking at my Sam sung Watch. After hours of work, Lib was stable (but missing their other leg—don’t ask), and Dr. Lackland was sipping tea in the corner.
Accounts from a Gen Z Male in 2028:Part
The year is 2028. The Sixth Coali tion War for Ukraine has begun. The threat of nuclear annihilation has been nullified by the New Strate gic Defense Initiative (a.k.a. the “Star Wars sequels”). A network of satel lites detect and destroy any ICBM five seconds after launch, allowing NATO and League of Nations II forces to intervene. A company of American forces now guard the Ukraine-Rus sia-Jeb! border from their bunker. A recent conscript recounts his last days there… 5:38 A.M. (EET) I awoke to the sound of screams in the next room. A loud “REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE” carried on the howl of chilling Ukrainian wind, blowing through a door ajar. Clear ly, I was not the only one awake, if the sounds of hustle and bustle were any indication. Through the door and walls, I could hear a table being cleared, and a page for Doctor Lack land. Shane Lackland, Ed. D, was our most experienced medical officer and was the go-to for wound treatment and vape“Bruh,pens.what happened?!” he cried, emerging from his office. “Russian shells, doc.” replied an otherDespitesoldier. my sleepy stupor, I rec ognized his voice as that of my friend Ivanovich—or as we called him, Cra zy Ivan. One could typically find him wearing his “MAGA Again” hat, in violation of uniform, and explaining to us that the Russians were actually “based” and “red-pilled.” Crazy Ivan continued, “We were out on patrol when suddenly the bombs started raining down on us. Mel and I were missed, but the shrap nel hit Lib hard. He’s really hurt, doc!” “THEY’RE really hurt. REEEEEEEE” Screeched Lib. Though their real name was Alex O’Hanrahan, they continually called themself “liberator of Ukraine,” and so they were nicknamed “Lib.” “You’re right. Sorry, Alex.” Lib must have been hurt really bad, be cause usually Crazy Ivan was their big gest bully.Ivan continued, “The Russians apologized to us quickly after—turns out they were aiming for Ukrainian ci vilians to our east. One of their M.D.’s offered to help patch hi- THEM up, but we refused, ’cause we didn’t trust where he got that degree.” “Good call.” replied Dr. Lack land, “You can always trust a Buffalo man like me. Now lemme take a look at him.”By this point, I had decided to get up and see my friend Lib with my own eyes. When I opened the door, howev er, I suddenly wished I hadn’t.
By Anonymous
“ON GOD! FOR REAL?!” Dr. Lackland sputtered, likely referring to the spaghetti bolognese that had once composed Lib’s right leg and groin. Even I was nauseous at the sight, so I could only imagine what Lib was go ing through. “WHAT THE FUCK HIT YOUAtGUYS?!”this,Melvin piped up, “The shells were Big Chunguses, sir. The size of your mom. Came from an M4 Sherman, I bet.” “For fuck’s sake, Mel, Russians don’t use that tank! Not even we do, anymore.” Ivan interjected. I should note that Melvin was the “historian” of our squad, having received his Bachelors in Hearts of Iron 4 and Masters in Christory from my Alma Mater, SUNY Binghamton. He was recruited as a specialist to help navigate the complex border region of our patrol.“Umm, who’s the historian here? Uh-me. So shut your pie hole, Ivan.” He turned to me. “Oh hi, Mark!” (My name was not Mark). The blood, gore, and arguing caused Dr. Lackland to faint. And Lib wasn’t looking too good either. I re alized that if either were to survive, I would have to help. Joining Ivan and Mel, I took a scalpel and some rubbing alcohol, and got to work… 8:30 A.M. (EEST)
‘No rest for the weary.’ I then thought as I stood by my bed, await ing orders. As I feared, I was to go with Ivan and Mel to continue the patrol where they left off. Each of us turned to look at our waifu pin-ups: Ivan’s was the entire cast of K-On (we didn’t ask about the underage girls); Mel’s was a Rose-chu/Girls und Panzer crossover OC (“W-what?! It’s IRONIC guys!” he’d say); mine was Mommy Misato (again, don’t ask). We each wondered whether we would see them again, before packing a smoke of vapes and setting
I
Theout.next several hours were oc cupied by Melvin and Ivan arguing about whether Christianity (formerly Christine, Christian, and Christopher) Weston Chandler was “based” or “de generate.” Terms such as “dimensional merge” and “love quest” were bandied about to the point of meaninglessness.
Ivan’s orange-mango-scented Juul allowed us to blend in with roving Russian forces. By 5–no—6 P.M., we returned to our bunker, sufficiently famished to stomach the rations pre pared for us.
Conservatives have been malding over the existence of trans women in particular. Some conservative “liber tarians,” considering their pious “My right to swing my fist ends where your nose begins” schtick, fall to hypoc risy: Their claim to respect people’s personal liberty seems to evaporate upon the very sight of a blue-haired pronoun-haver. But how do you argue against people’s rights and freedom of self-expression when it’s effectively harming no one? Well, that seems easy enough. You need to make it harm
6 BINGHAMTON REVIEW Vol. XXXV, Issue BINGHAMTONREVIEW.COMILEFTIST MEME LEFTISTALERT
If a physician’s note is not attained for any reason, the accusing party is within their rights to sue the school district—meaning schools are under “Kids didn’t get confused and start wanting to mar ry fish sticks. And herein lies the problem: Cuntser vative mouthpieces nev er actually believed kids would start marrying fish sticks” pressure to enforce this bill. Starting with the obvious, this bill is going to negatively affect not only trans girls and those who may be intersex, but cis girls and women who look more androgynous, strong, or don’t exact ly conform to someone’s strict sense of femininity. Or maybe some parent gets upset when one athlete outper forms their own child—after all, you don’t actually need to cite a reason to
By Madeline Perez
- Xoxo, Conservative figurehead In recent years, we’ve seen an up tick in targeted conservative rhetoric as they flail about, struggling to cope with hard concepts like “trans people should be accepted in society” and “woman video game protagonist.” In recent months, we’ve seen bills delib erately targeting the rights of queer people—notably and most recently the “Save Women’s Sports Act” in Ohio and the “Parental Rights in Education (Don’t Say Gay)” bill in Florida, both of which I’ll get into later.
someone. Suddenly, it’s not just intui tive arguments about how nonconfor mity just ain’t right; it becomes societal degradation, threatening the fabric of reality as you know it—or maybe an attack on western civilization, if you’re into that. The message is clear: if we are going to fight against the rights of minority classes we don’t like, we need a victim—and no one makes a better victim than vague concepts who can’t be adequately defined AND/OR peo ple already at risk of being taken ad vantage of. Thus, the victimization of women and children farted into exis tence. Of course, none of the af fronts are true. When gay marriage was legalized across the US, the integ rity of marriage and love as a whole didn’t dissolve like Republicans said it would. Kids didn’t get confused and start wanting to marry fish sticks. And herein lies the problem: Cuntservative mouthpieces never actually believed kids would start marrying fish sticks— they just needed an argument that wasn’t “I think gay people are yucky and I don’t want it to be normalized.” So, they went to great lengths to tell their viewer/reader/listener base a se ries of arguments based on the false victimization of “society” and “chil dren,” and their audience, looking for their own reasons to justify hating gay people, took the bait (of which the conservatives are a master at. Baiting, that is.)
On June 1st, Republican lawmakers in Ohio passed a bill ban ning transgender girls and women from participating in high school/col lege sports. If that’s not bad enough, the “Save Women’s Sports Act” goes in-depth stating that if a child on a sports team is “suspected” of being of the opposite sex, anyone (and I mean anyone) can challenge their right to be there. In response, the athlete in defense, who could be as young as 13, if not younger, is required to do one of three things to attain a physician’s note, proving they are the sex they claim to be: 1.An internal and external examina tion of the genitals 2.A blood test analyzing testosterone 3.Anlevelsanalysis of their genetic make-up
MEME ALERT
Women and children are being vic timized and THE LEFT refuses to talk about it. Just stating the factu al/logical arguments will be enough to have me canceled and taken away by the THOUGHT POLICE since we now live in an Orwellian nightmare where things like “freedom” and “moral val ues” are illegal. You see, I am not bi ased in any way, shape, or form against the queers, immigrants, or minority hoards- my best friend/lover/pet sitter is actually a queer minority immigrant–I just suddenly care a lot about things I thought were trivial before–like wom en’s sports and sexual assault. When I argue against the existence of transes, gays, and minorities in this country (God bless it), you can rest assured it’s for the good of the women and chil dren- and that’s most definitely NOT a thin veneer to validate my arguments with some sort of false empathetic high ground.
If kids want to explore their gen der identity, it’s important to give them space to figure themselves out, because they will figure it out—that is, unless someone’s constantly breathing down their neck trying to force them to “conform” all the time. At the end of the day, this is just bullying with extra steps. If someone’s existence is enough to destroy someone’s whole concept of womanhood, then maybe the concept wasn’t strong enough to begin with.
TO BE CONTINUED?
Some anti-trans figures (sec ond-wave feminists in particular— TERFs, if you’re familiar with the term) have argued that transgender people are a threat to “womanhood” as a concept. They claim that since many trans women have not experienced the inherent pains and oppression of growing up female (less societal power, periods, being undervalued, underesti
The truth is, girls aren’t going to throw away their womanhood just because they think it’ll make them an extra 25 cents to the dollar when they’re older. That being said, the argument is pre sented like being trans itself is an in herently negative thing to be.
editor@binghamtonreview.com BINGHAMTON REVIEW 7 BINGHAMTONREVIEW.COM LEFTIST MEME ALERT challenge their gender. Besides the fact that some insurances aren’t going to cover things like chromosomal blood tests and testosterone checks, leav ing people in low-income households more impacted, I can’t even begin to explain how wrong it is to force chil dren to get internal and external geni tal exams. (Penis inspection day is just a joke, right guys? GUYS?) Especially for a pre-pubescent girl, an “internal genital exam” can be really painful, if not traumatizing. No one should be subjected to this. There is only one transgender girl in the entire state of Ohio currently participating in High School Sports. It’s unthinkable that an entire bill was passed directly targeting one person, but conservative transphobia seems to know no bounds. Their new grift is that the very existence of trans women is directly harmful to cis women. That women’s sports as a whole is going to crumble if trans women are allowed to compete. But I am of the belief that high school and college-age kids should have a right to participate in organized sports and not be excluded because of their sex. When it comes to record-setting and Olympic-level athletics, I think it should be deter mined on a case-by-case basis that, admittedly, is going to be somewhat of an issue until more research comes out about the results of hormone therapy on one’s athleticism. Honestly, it is a complicated issue, but one meant for endocrinologists and NOT politicians. This isn’t the only argument dis honestly making victims out of cis women. Over the past decade, as trans identity becomes more societally ac ceptable, panicking legislators have tried to make it more difficult and dangerous to be trans, especially a trans woman. In 2017, 16 states tried (some several times) to pass “bath room bills” which make it illegal for trans people to use bathrooms con current with their gender identity. As you may know, one did pass in North Carolina for a short time before it got repealed. These were proposed on the false basis that trans women use wom en’s bathrooms for predatory behavior, sexual harassment, and assault, some thing that has—to this day—garnered absolutely no proof at all. You don’t have to be a genius to figure out that while trans women using women’s bathrooms is of no harm to women, being forced to use men’s bathrooms does put them in unnecessary dan ger—especially in more transphobic areas and states. The same goes for women’s prisons, another argument using cis women as victims, without any statistical evidence, putting trans women in excessive danger by forcing them into men’s prisons.
“I can’t even begin to explain how wrong it is to force children to get inter nal and external genital exams. (Penis inspection day is just a joke, right guys? GUYS?)”
“Being a woman isn’t something you had to work for, nor is it something you should be able to gatekeep (even if you are a girlboss).”certified
mated, and facing sexual harassment), they lack the experiences needed to have a “female mindset” and therefore don’t belong in women’s “spaces.” Be sides the fact that not every cis wom an has experienced those things, this argument is just flat-out braindead. Being a woman isn’t something you had to work for, nor is it something you should be able to gatekeep (even if you are a certified girlboss). They also don’t believe trans women are women at all, just men trying to invade their special girlhood club—and since many of these second-wave feminist women are anti-man to begin with, this caus es them to hate trans women with the strength of a thousand suns. But it doesn’t stop with trans women; many TERFs also believe that trans men are an affront to women everywhere. Their argument is that since being a man is societally more desirable, having the option to opt-out of being female is too alluring to pass up, so many young girls are just going to decide to become men. Often they drive the point home by making some statement like “If all this trans stuff existed when I was a lit tle girl, maybe I would’ve been trans!,” and to that I say—there’s still time!
Everyone should have the right to free ly be themselves without threat or rid icule, unless you’re being an asshole, of course. Then I’m going to have to write an article about you.
Fitness: FITTIN’ THIS BING REVIEW ISSUE IN … your hands. Also my these nu- *dies of stroke*
Joker moment: What teachers will have if you sneeze in class.
Kill: What the intrusive voices are telling me to do.
Are you a freshman? Do you often find yourself overwhelmed and confused by the many things you may find around binghamton? Well, you’re in luck! Every year, we start off the fall semester by providing a guide of things commonly encountered in the Binghamton Area from A to Z. With some extra tips thrown in for good measure, of course.
Column: Do you need help with your problems? Well you’re in luck because we won’t provide any practical Bsolutions.itches: What you won’t be getting this semester.
Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch:OntheWelshislandofAnglesey,acrosstheMenaiStraitfromthecityofBangor,sitsLlanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch,anunassumingoldfishingvillage.Its3,000residentswelcomemorethan200,000visitorseveryyear,almostentirelyonthestrengthofits58-lettername.
Every afternoon, a wriggling, writhing mass of humanity manifests to block your way in the union when you have an important class. “Why?” You may ask. A stale do nut and some coffee straight from the drainage pipe at Physical EFacilities.vanescence:
COVID: This is most definitely over and we definitely aren’t seeing an uprise in cases already. I sure love to not hear professors complain about it over and over and over and over and Dover.unkin’:
Gay: What Binghamton Review has become. Happy :). Speaking of happy…
Happy Medium: Your girl is happy when she sees my medi um ;). It’s perfectly average. Just like my PEIrish people: How come so many are in the Review if they all supposedly died in a famine?
8 BINGHAMTON REVIEW Vol. XXXV, Issue BINGHAMTONREVIEW.COMITHE ABCS OF BINGHAMTON The ABCs of Binghamton By Our Staff
WAKE ME UP, no seriously, I keep nodding off in class.
Advice
The thing Binghamton Review STILL DOESN’T HAVE! THREE YEARS BABEY! LET’S GO METS!
editor@binghamtonreview.com BINGHAMTON REVIEW 9 BINGHAMTONREVIEW.COM
The Good, The Based, and The Ugly: It’s good, it’s based, and it’s most certainly on our Youtube Channel!
Questions: The things your professors will refuse to straight forwardly answer. Also, they hate you.
Vegan station: For double the price in CIW you too can learn to slowly starve. Seriously, binghamton dining ser vices, vegans need to eat more than carrots.
“Have you read David Foster Wallace?”
Zebra: Black, and white, but unlike us, it’s not read all over.
Xback.-rated: Our members’ search histories.
Pseudointellectuals:
Union Undergrounds: I am beneath you, BUT NOTHING IS BENEATH ME!
Mountain View: For the students who sit on their big hill and judge the poories below.
Weather: Better enjoy the sun before it inevitably disap pears for 6 months. Seasonal depressives, watch your
Roommate: Someone you may like right now but slowly will come to despise. Inevitably they’ll learn to hate you right back. Don’t worry about it though, humans weren’t made to share a 4x4 foot room.
THE ABCS OF BINGHAMTON
Nirchi’s: Really took “lost in the sauce” too literally. It’s not the quality of pizza you want, but it’s the best you’re gonna
Oget.ffice:
A plague which has devastated Bing Review members for far too long.
Sex: Something you freshmen wil have a lot less of than you think. DO NOT take those free condoms in the union bath room—you’re not going to use them.
You: Our favorite reader. :)
The dawn of political parties in the United States was a crisis in the making; in his farewell address, George Washington spent much of his time warning against the formation of these parties, arguing that they are a danger to the country as a whole and potentially despotic. A representation of true republican virtues? Absolutely. Nonetheless, this request was made too late: the first parties had begun with the competition between Federal ists and Democratic-Republicans. This would set a trend that would last to the present day. It is worth noting that some of the consequences that Wash ington warned about have—at least partially—come into fruition. Politi cal division within the country seems stronger than ever, with a population that appears polarized in both direc tions: On one hand, right-wing popu lism has coalesced around Trumpism, the worst aspects of which include the full endorsement of conspiracy theo ries, apologetics for potentially illegal and authoritarian proclivities, and an apparent cult of personality forming around Trump himself. On the other hand, greater support for the far-left has resulted in increasingly illiberal at titudes and actions, including a gener al contempt for American institutions and making wide-reaching proposals that only exist in Utopia. Such a situ ation may be disheartening (indeed, it certainly is for me), such that it would seem that no moderate force remains. Yet Andrew Yang would disagree, ar guing that the solution isn’t left or right, but forward, creating the aptly named Forward Party. While such a message might be welcomed by many others, including myself, I must seriously look at Yang’s proposed political party and wonder: Could one really have a po litical party without anything—you know—political? You may remember Andrew Yang from back in the days of the ear ly 2020 Democratic Primary, where he was among over twenty candidates slated to fight for the presidency in a crowded affair. An easy opportunity to be overlooked in an already crowd ed field filled with senile, old men?
Perhaps for most of the candidates, but Yang was clever enough to know how to stand out; among his proposed initiatives included Universal Basic Income (UBI), which was justified in response to increased automation leading to lower employment, a pro gram which he called the “Freedom Dividend”. Additionally, he advocat ed for changing the way the United States measures its economic growth, viewing capitalism and corporatism as two distinct economic developments, and instead endorsing an idea of “Human-Centered Capitalism”. A bit technocratic? Perhaps, but this, along with his slogan, Make America Think Harder (MATH), certainly earned him popularity amongst many Democrat ic voters. Pretty soon, the #YangGang was practically all over social media, to the point where even those outside of the Democratic field associated with Yang. All of this allowed Andrew Yang to meet the necessary fundraising goals needed to qualify for most of the presidential debates. Yet despite a lot of the appeal for these policies, Yang would withdraw shortly after the Iowa Caucus, instead endorsing Biden. It’s senile, old men that win presidential races after all, not genuine policy! It would seem that after this presidential run, Yang would further distance himself from the Democratic party. He would briefly consider and then file to run in the New York City mayoral election. (Honestly, when the last mayor of New York City was Bill de Blasio, you should have little problem making yourself likable in compari son.) However, despite being an ear ly front-runner, he would ultimately drop out in favor of Eric Adams. This, in conjunction with his disillusion with the party, caused him to leave the Democrats. This is where he, instead, “A greater appeal will be needed if the Forward Party hopes to gain any sort of traction, even if this means picking a policy position that not everyone will agree with. ” went down a different path; instead of locking himself in his room and ni hilistically telling himself that he was stuck in a two-party system (a mode of thought I might occasionally be guilty of), he instead decided to do some thing unexpected: launch a new politi cal party. In his blog, Yang announced the formation of his Forward Party, describing how it would be on the bal lot in all 50 states in 2024. Where cred it is due, it certainly is an ambitious and large project; the Forward Party is essentially a merged party between multiple large independence parties, such as the Serve America Movement and Renew America Movement. With such a large new party, Yang will cer tainly leave a mark in the coming elec tions. What could go wrong? Now, you may be wondering: what exactly is my problem with the Forward Party? After all, a return to normalcy of some kind after recent years might be something I am in terested in. Well, yes, but what exact stances does the Forward Party take? The answer? The Forward one! Which is… not a real answer. And that, case in point, is the main issue I have with it; in an attempt to be centrist, the For ward Party ironically takes no stance
By Julius Apostata
10 BINGHAMTON REVIEW Vol. XXXV, Issue BINGHAMTONREVIEW.COMIONE STEP FORWARD, TWO STEPS BACK One Step Forward, Two Steps Back
Again, what does this even mean? Yes, the two-party system is frustrating, and yes, there is some consensus on background checks, but what will that actually involve? On both these issues, the Forward Party can’t seem to make up its mind. My criticism of the For ward Party is that it needs to further develop its political identity and so lidify its policy proposals if it hopes to survive. Perhaps after this, Yang could finally appeal to the “common sense” majority he so desperately needs ap proval from. By simply advocating the forward position instead of devising a clear policy direction, Yang appears to make the Forward Party weak on key politicalThoughissues.I criticize the Forward Party for its lack of direction, we should not forget that such independent par ties could prove powerful during elec tion season. Indeed, I would argue that the Forward Party could improve its pitch by learning from other in dependent parties in the past. Take, for instance, Ross Perot’s presidential run back in 1992. In some parallels to Yang, his campaign promised a halting of outsourcing (another issue plagu ing American workers besides auto mation) and fiscal responsibility, but also promised gun control and creat ing electronic direct democracy. This concise, clear pitch certainly earned him several favors, and in that presi dential election, he earned over 18% of the popular vote, an impressive feat for someone not running as a Democrat or Republican. This led to the creation of the Reform Party to continue Per ot’s legacy. Another example of a par ty that continues to attract votes even though it is outside of the two-party framework is the Libertarian Party (of which I am admittedly biased to wards). The Libertarian Party is com monly ridiculed as being, among other things, weak on foreign policy. Cue the famous, “What is Aleppo?” from Lib ertarian Presidential candidate Gary Johnson. Yet, I would argue that this weakness in foreign policy is a clear and concise direction for the libertar ian platform; the point of libertarian ism (and, by extension, the Libertarian Party) is a rollback of big government, including overseas involvement. It would therefore only be natural that the Libertarian Party would not have an answer to everything happening abroad. Compare this, however, with a political party that states that it has an answer, but that answer is the for ward position. One response states that it doesn’t have an answer, while another response claims that there is an answer, but is reluctant to share it.
“Again, the common consensus major ity is that there should be some rules around background checks and access to firearms but we aren’t getting any of these things, Jim, because the two-par ty system does not need to deliver any meaningful solution…” he responds.
editor@binghamtonreview.com BINGHAMTON REVIEW 11 BINGHAMTONREVIEW.COM ONE STEP FORWARD, TWO STEPS BACK at all on several key issues. To illustrate what I mean, look at Yang’s appearance on CNN (in a rare case where CNN ac tually asks tough questions) to go over what his new party stands for. In the interview, Jim Acosta presses Yang on the Forward Party’s position on abor tion. Yang’s literal answer? When he himself disagrees with the overturn ing of Roe V Wade, the Forward Par ty will take the forward position on the most divisive issues. Um… what? What about guns? Will Yang take a hard stance on assault weapons, or appeal to responsible gun ownership?
The lesson to be learned here is that it isn’t necessary to appeal to voters at a third-party level on every issue, but it should be made clear what political direction you offer your voters on said issue. This will at least provide a loyal base that understands the objectives you are trying to accomplish instead of simply a sentiment of centrism. Even though I may have made it sound like I hate the Forward Par ty, or that I think that Andrew Yang is doomed to fail, I really don’t, even if I myself don’t particularly identify with this brand of politics. I think that Yang’s sentiment regarding increased polarization within our political sys tem is absolutely correct and that many people long for moderation. I would even say that Yang is, to a certain ex tent, working in the same spirit of George Washington’s farewell address, in which the influence of political par ties can pose a serious danger if such polarization continues. While I respect Yang for attempting to bring modera tion into public discussion, it must be noted that his new party should take some stance outside of simply being the moderate party. A greater appeal will be needed if the Forward Party hopes to gain any sort of traction, even if this means picking a policy posi tion that not everyone will agree with. Perhaps upon doing this, the Forward Party could potentially be a serious force in our elections, and hopefully make America moderate again.
12 BINGHAMTON REVIEW Vol. XXXV, Issue BINGHAMTONREVIEW.COMITHE The(PUNCH)LINE(Punch)Line
By Joe Badalamenti
If you’re a student, or just recently graduated without a job lined up, sum mertime can be very boring. (That is if you don’t have any classes, work, or anything better to do.) During these times, one of my favorite pastimes is to surf the internet for anything interest ing. One of the things I found was so absurd that I just couldn’t ignore it. As college students, I’m sure you’ve heard of breaking cutting-edge technologies that are going to revolutionize the way we live: The Metaverse, The Bitcoin, The Elder Scrolls 5: Skyrim. These projects, however, are dwarfed in com parison to “THE LINE”! What is “The Line?” The Line is a “city” planned by the Saudi Arabian Government called “Neom.” It’s called The Line because the entire city will encompass a 100-mile line (roughly 105 miles exactly) across the Arabian desert. The following description was taken from promotional material re lated to Neom and The Line: “Within The Line will be ev erything: people, homes, businesses, restaurants, you name it. Cars? Forget them. Everything you need will be lo cated within a five-minute walk. For further destinations, each end can be traveled to in about 20 minutes thanks to clean and sustainable high-speed rail. In fact, there will be no pollution at all as The Line will be completely powered by renewable resources. The Line’s infrastructure will also be com pletely automated using advanced ma chine-learning technology. The Line will be designed by world-class archi tects to feature iconic architecture that incorporates the element of verticality while preserving the surrounding na ture.”As you can visualize, living in a 200 yard-wide line would take up much less of the surrounding nature compared to a round and spacious city. No need to worry about the cost as the entire project will be funded by the treasury of Saudi prince Muham mad bin Salman. Such a paradise will be available to 9 million residents so sign upDidimmediately!thatgetyou hyped up? I don’t blame you–concepts like these tend to be overhyped. I call it a concept be cause that’s basically all it is; none of the physical infrastructure has actually been put in place. Even in concept, it has problems. Glaring problems. The first is its geography. If you’re going to design a settlement, you should make convenience a top priority. Hence ev ery ancient, and modern city was not linear but circular. Not only do you have more area in a circle, but there is less distance between opposing ends of a circular city compared to a “line” with similar internal magnitude. Then again, the ancient peoples didn’t have all of our modern technology such as high-speed rail and fully automated systems. But just how practical are these futuristic technical applications which make The Line so special? The fastest high-speed rail system, the Shanghai maglev, runs at 268 mph, but in order to travel from end to end, in 20 minutes, you would need a train that can go 300 mph. This estimation gets even more impractical when you consider time spent waiting for the train and time spent stopping at 10 or so stops every 5 minutes. These rail systems, with Elon Musk’s imaginary hyperloop coming to mind, are no where near commercial use. The same degree of impracticality can be said for The Line’s “automated systems.” More over, automation relies on technical innovations such as machine learning and IoT (internet of things) technolo gy that have persisting flaws that still need ironing out. Even to those who struggle with basic logic, designing a project that uses technology still in the process of being researched makes no sense.We also must tackle the issue of logistics with this linear limbo. The cost of construction, operation, plan ning, research, and any other activity necessary to build The Line would cost billions or even trillions of dol lars; even the Saudi’s generously en dowed treasury wouldn’t be able to cover the cost of it. This must be why Neom is still on the prowl looking for investors, despite the massive amount of resources that they have access to. Even if The Line was miraculously able to secure the funding necessary to be built, the question remains: Who is even going to live there? Looking at western countries, where this technical hype would be considered appealing, I doubt that many would want to move to a country like Saudi Arabia where they would lose their basic human rights. Plus, Saudi Arabia would have to keep this hype for the next decade
“There was also the forced eviction of the Huwaitat tribe in order to obtain the land required to build The Line. While this may seem like a massive ethical oversight, I don’t remember when repressive regimes cared about ethics standing in the way of their goals.” until they can get this city operational and that’s if there are no delays. Even looking at densely populated coun tries like China or India, I doubt that either of these countries would want a massive portion of their youth moving to a foreign country (China is already
By Dillon O’Toole
If said athlete is a massive sports star, changing teams or contemplating retirement can draw massive media and fan interest. Need proof? Take a look at the massive attention Tom Brady got when he changed from the Patriots to the Buccaneers, retired from the Buccaneers, and then un retired from the Buccaneers. While the massive sports stars will always draw attention to where they will be competing, in motorsports, all driver moves can and will draw attention due to the limited number of seats in any given series. While the actual number of full-time seats in any particular mo torsport may vary over time, the total number of seats will always be less than the number of players in baseball, football, and soccer. Currently, base ball has a 26-man roster (although that goes up to 28 on September 1), football has a 53-man roster, and soccer (spe cifically the MLS) has a 30-man roster. On top of the roster size, each series has 30, 32, and 28 teams respective ly which allows a massive number of players to be active at the top level of each sport. Alternatively, in the world of motorsports, Formula 1 has 20 cars, Indycar has 25 full-time cars, and NA SCAR has 36 full-time cars (note that Indycar and NASCAR both feature cars that don’t race every week and full-time cars that don’t use one driver for everyBecauserace).of motorsports’ limited amount of space for top-level competi tors, every single move by a driver can have a massive impact on available op tions for other drivers. This dynamic led to the movement of drivers being dubbed ‘Silly Season,’ as there is often a shock movement of one or more drivers. Most of my experience with Silly Season involves examples from NASCAR as I only recently started to closely follow Indycar and Formula 1 (don’t worry, I’ll be covering both of getting a ride. This occurred between the 2016 and 2017 seasons of the NA SCAR Cup series. After missing out on yet another championship, driver Carl Edwards announced his retirement on January 11th, roughly a month be fore the 2017 season began. He was replaced by Daniel Suárez, a rookie driver, rather suddenly. Suárez would later be replaced after two seasons due to subpar performance although many people (including myself) believe that he was rushed into the top series too quickly and was not given enough time to develop his skills (luckily, after bouncing between multiple teams he has since won his first race). Before I start talking about this year’s silly season (the inspiration and main topic of this article), I want to talk about one more recent Sil ly Season rumor. Over the course of the 2020 NASCAR Cup series, it was speculated that driver Denny Ham lin and Michael Jordan would start a NASCAR team together. These ru mors spread like crazy—they named Bubba Wallace as the driver and they even claimed the car would be number 23. Sure enough, it was eventually an nounced that all of this was true. Bub ba Wallace would drive the number 23 Toyota for 23XI racing, a team owned by Hamlin and Jordan. This may seem rather mundane, except for the fact that when the rumors began they were continuously labeled as non-credible and false. In fact, few people believed it would actually happen and instead thought the rumors were some peo ple’s fantasy scenarios. This may seem like peak craziness, but 2022 has prov en that to be very false. In the world of NASCAR, the 2022 Silly Season started out looking rather tame. The biggest news story for much of the year was the upcom those later). Arguably, one of the most famous moves in NASCAR in the last 15 years was Dale Earnhardt Jr. leav ing the team founded by his late father, Dale Earnhardt Inc., to go to Hendrick Motorsports. This culminated after a period of tension between Jr. and his stepmother over ownership and per formance of the team. The move by Jr. forced the driver who he replaced, Kyle Busch, to move to Joe Gibbs Rac ing, where he would go on to win 2 championships and over 50 races. Sometimes, a surprise retirement suddenly opens up a seat well after the time most drivers have been signed. When this happens, an unexpected driver may be the one who ends up “That was, until July 12th rolled around (get it?). “
After reading the title of this arti cle, you may find yourself con templating what exactly is the silliest season of the year. You most likely aren’t thinking winter, as winter is too bleak of a season to contain any sort of humor. Maybe your brain thought of summer, as it’s typically seen by many as the season of joy and fun activities due to its associated sunny weather. Or, perhaps, you thought of fall, be cause if America’s Funniest Home Vid eos taught me anything, people falling down and getting injured is the peak of comedy. Well, if you thought of any of these previously mentioned seasons (or spring) you are in the completely wrong ballpark (I mean, why would you even go to a ballpark, baseball has nothing to do with what I’m talking about). What I’m actually talking about, the silliest season of all, is the period of time within motorsports in which drivers change teams, retire, or get fired (they could also be boring and just stay on the same race team but that’s not very interesting now is it).
The Silliest of Seasons
14 BINGHAMTON REVIEW Vol. XXXV, Issue BINGHAMTONREVIEW.COMITHE SILLIEST OF SEASONS
So let’s talk a little bit about Formula 1. On August 1st, Fernando Alonso announced he was leaving Alpine to replace the retiring Sebastian Vettel at Aston Martin. This came as a shock to Alpine who only learned of this move when the press release was made. Al pine was lucky though, since they had an up-and-coming star waiting to be brought up to the top ranks of For mula 1 in Oscar Piastri. The loss of Alonso definitely hurt, but at least they had a replacement ready. In fact, Al pine announced Piastri would join the team the very next day. All seemed well, that is until Piastri tweeted that he would not be racing at Alpine next year. This seems familiar, don’t you agree? But wait, there’s more! Do you want to guess what team signed Pias tri? That’s right, it’s McLaren Racing coming to steal your girl—I mean driver. You would think that race teams would have learned from the whole Alex Palou mess and make sure their contracts are ironclad, but no, the same exact problem happened less than a month later. Even involving one of the same teams, to boot. Well, I should probably start wrapping this up. While I’ll always en joy the product motorsports produces on track, the drama surrounding Silly Season is always an entertaining time. Strange, coming from someone who used to say I hated reality TV because I wasn’t a fan of the drama. I guess I just hate reality TV because it’s a soul less medium that is mostly faked and is in no way natural. Unlike Youtube, which in no way has people trying to lie and fake their way to success. “I believed that at the time Palou was going to be the long-term fu ture plan for CGR since the team’s star driver, Scott Dixon, was getting a little… old.” Some other notable develop ments since then have been specu lation over driver Martin Truex Jr. retiring (he confirmed he isn’t), Kev in Harvick potentially retiring after a disappointing couple of seasons (he has since won two races and quieted all discussion about him retiring), and, most shockingly, Kyle Busch po tentially joining a new team and leav ing Toyota. This last development is still currently unresolved at the time of writing, and it is the most shocking due to the fact that Busch is the face of Toyota in NASCAR and has been for more than a decade. The fact that there is even a possibility of him potentially
THE SILLIEST OF SEASONS
editor@binghamtonreview.com BINGHAMTON REVIEW 15 ingBINGHAMTONREVIEW.COMretirementofveterandriver Aric Almirola, and most speculation was about who would replace him. That was, until July 12th rolled around (get it?). On that fateful day, Denny Ham lin was on a video call with Toyota Racing Development, when suddenly Reddick appeared on the call. This is an unusual circumstance given that Reddick drives for a Chevy team. It was then announced that Reddick would be joining 23XI Racing… ex cept there was a catch. You see, just days prior, Reddick’s current team, Richard Childress Racing (the same team the legendary Dale Earnhardt Sr. drove for), had confirmed that Red dick would be returning for the 2023 season. The announcement made by Hamlin and Reddick was that he was joining 23XI in 2024. It’s not unheard of to make an announcement for two seasons down the line (Clint Bowyer was announced to be going to Stew art-Haas Racing for the 2017 season in 2015), but it is most definitely not a common occurrence. This announce ment seemed to be the catalyst needed for Silly Season to really kick off. leaving them drives home how dire his contract negotiations must be, because no one would have predicted him ever considering leaving Toyota at the start of the year. Oh yeah, one last develop ment. You know how I said the biggest story earlier this year was Almirola re tiring? He just changed his mind and is returning on a multi-year contract. Alright, enough about NASCAR (I bet those of you who know me well are surprised by that sentence); let’s talk about some open-wheel rac ing. To begin, we have to talk about Indycar. In an article last November, I commented on how Alex Palou was “quite impressive” since he won the Indycar title in his second year in the series, and first year at his team Chip Ganassi Racing (CGR). I didn’t go on to say this in the article, but I believed that at the time Palou was going to be the long-term future plan for CGR since the team’s star driver, Scott Dix on, was getting a little… old. This was seemingly confirmed to me, as on July 12 (yes, the same day the Tyler Red dick news broke), CGR confirmed that Alex Palou would return to the team in 2023. Shortly after this, Alex Palou himself denied these rumors stating as part of a tweet, “I have recently in formed CGR, for personal reasons, I do not intend to continue with the team after 2022”. Later that same day, McLaren Racing confirmed they had signed Alex Palou for 2023. Now, I don’t know about you, but I certainly can’t drive two cars at once. Both teams have continued to insist that they have signed Alex Palou for the 2023 season. It got to the point where Chip Ganassi filed a lawsuit against Alex Palou for breach of contract. As far as I can tell, this lawsuit has not been resolved at the time of writing. While all of this is happening off the track, Palou is still in contention for a second Indycar title in a row. Additionally, Chip Ganassi has publicly said he wants Palou in his car for next year, but it’s just as likely this is just talk and he intends to re place Palou for next season regardless of the lawsuit’s outcome. I for one am intrigued to see how this resolves itself. Before July 12th, I had never seen nor heard of a contract dispute as weird as the one involving Alex Palou. Notice how I started that sen tence by saying “before July 12th.”
