Letters and Poetry from our Inside Family

close. An old friend of mine, a beautiful Rican girl I met in the psych ward became my FWB. She wanted love and a relationship and I wanted only a nut and a friend. We separated and I became official with an ogre of a woman twice my age. I wanted a nut and got one. I realized after years of that, I really could not waste time with people and I would not settle. I had to self-reflect and thought about how sexuality was not taught to me, it was forced on me. Love was there and then taken from me. However, through it all, I had to come back to my roots and found out that my Nana’s adopted daughter was gay. She is now married to a woman with two sons. The man I loved who raped me and my younger sister was my stepgrandfather and even though he hurt us, we now know he was a confused man. My grandmother was weird about it because he was the man she loved and I did not realize how much it affected her as well. And sadly, rape was normal in my family. But women pushed it aside and were strong about it. It was not discussed or a tragedy, On the contrary, it was life and life goes on. Oh yeah, that beautiful Rican girl I talked about earlier who for the shit end of the deal with me. Well, she became a woman before my eyes and I saw God again through her. Love pieced us together with patience and our flaws were forgiven. I fell in love with her.

Together we brought the best out of each other and sex was an afterthought. But a thought because damn, she is sexy! It does not consume us! I realized that a moment with her was not enough so I plan to have a lifetime with her. Of course, we had our disadvantages in life and like me, sexuality was misrepresented to her as well. However, we made amends with out past and look forward to a healthy sexuality built on love and communication. My son is 15 years old now and I get it, it can be hard to talk about sexuality without sounding controlling, over-protective or misguided. But the purpose of this essay is to shed light on the taboo message of sexuality and the fact that everyone has a different experience with it. As a queer woman, I had to learn about the ins and outs of sexuality and love. So express yourself but be safe and happy.

Love Is Love

-Taheira H (NJ)

Dear B&P Fam,

This is my first letter so let me introduce myself. My name is Alex, I’m a 37 year old white male. My true friends call me Maniac. Before that conjures up the wrong image, let me explain that a) I was a pro-wrestler on the smaller indy scene, Alex “The Maniac” was my ring name. b)

Maniac by definition also means “obsessive enthusiast” and that explains me in a nutshell. I’m extremely passionate when it comes to things I stand for. With intro out of the way, let me get to WHY I decided to write, while reading the June/May 2020 newsletter, two specific letters got me thinking. Jessica Z and Miss Atlanta brought up similar points about needing to stick up for each other rather than tearing each other down. Both mention things like love, respect, standing together, etc. and I agree 100 percent. Which brings me to what I’ve been thinking about for a while. I identify as bisexual. Through my life, I’ve experience negativity and judgment on all sides. Due to the very little experience with the same sex, I’ve been told by people who identify as gay that I don’t have the right to call myself anything other than straight. Yet I’ve had straight people say that same small experienced meant I was gay. I went through a point of feeling unaccepted all around. I feel sometimes that “B” that sits dead center in LGBTQ gets forgotten or misunderstood, even within the community. I think we all can do more to build unity and support for each other. I don’t know what my fate in love will be. I spent six years with one girl, we were married the last year then I caught her cheating. Then a girl who had identified as lesbian fell for me. We spent five years together.