BLAIRE 15 by Blaire Magazine

BLAIRE

M I L K Y

C H A N C E

JULY 2014 EMILY EATON EDITOR SARAH LONG CREATIVE DIRECTOR DAVE LEE ASSISTANT EDITOR NICOLE MCMAHON ADVERTISING / MARKETING EDITORIAL CONTRUBITIONS: ZOE BRADLEY MUSIC MONICA JANKOWSKI MUSIC NICHOLAS IVANOVIC FILM MITCHELL PASCOE SPORT TORY PRICE FASHION MIA FRANCISCO LIFE TOM BENSLEY LIFE GEMMA DAVIES LIFE SPENCER HADLOW LIFE ISOBELLA VAN SCHAIK LIFE PHOTOGRAPHIC CONTRBUTIONS: BRYAN NICHOLSON FEATURING: THE GRISWOLDS, MILKY CHANCE, LIAM MILNER, NATHAN BOYES, MONSTA SURF FASHION SPONSORED BY OZ APPAREL ENQUIRIES / SUBMISSION / ADVERTISING: SARAH@BLAIREMAGAZINE.COM ABN: 62359130068 BLAIRE MAGAZINE IS AN AUSTRALIANBASED INTERACTIVE PUBLICATION DEDICATED TO THE ARTS AND ENTERTAINMENT. LAUNCHED IN 2012 AS A BLOG PROJECT, BLAIRE’S INITIAL SUCCESS RAISED BIG INTERVIEW AND PRESS OPPORTUNITIES, ALLOWING FOR A RELAUNCH IN MAY 2013. WWW.BLAIREMAGAZINE.COM

22. LIAM MILNER ART

CONTENTS

GEN Y

THE GRISWOLDS

MUSIC REVIEWS

MILKY CHANCE

GENERATION BUDGET CUTS

ART / LIAM MILNER

FASHION / MONSTA SURF

THE GREAT BARRIER REEF

THAILAND’S SEXUAL DELIRIUM

PHOTOGRAPHY / BRYAN NICHOLSON

FILM REVIEWS

HAPPY ENDINGS

ART / NATHAN BOYES

ARE THE DAYS OF UFC FIGHTING OVER?

DIRTY TALK 5

GEN Y Call me lazy? Well fuck you.

I am Generation Y. The birth child of the Baby Boomers, the followers from Generation X, and the predecessor of Generation Z. I am my own person and no other generation has ever been like me. So why is everyone that is not Gen Y, calling me out on my behavior and trying to compare me to another generation? As a generation, we are considered to be disposable, lazy, materialistic, narcissistic etc… I doubt one good thing has ever been printed about us. The funny thing is though, I have never defended myself against this accusation and neither has any other member of Gen Y. Perhaps because we disagree, simply don’t care, or we can see the bigger picture? Most are correct, but also because we know that no matter how much we defend ourselves we will never be taken seriously because we have never experienced the hardships that the older generations went through. Therefore we know it’s a waste of time arguing and to that they will say ‘lazy’ and I will say ‘truth’. The New York Post claimed we were 6

the worst generation ever. A book was written about us calling us The Dumbest Generation. Ethic Institutes have called us workplace thieves. Big companies call us prolific liars. That’s the thing I don’t understand about this whole generation debate. You bad mouth us, call us names, treat us like shit and expect us to be like you or want to be like you. It’s not going to happen. You say we need an attitude adjustment. Well I say you Baby Boomers and Gen X need the attitude adjustment. Why would we try harder to prove ourselves to people who have automatically made a judgment on us based on pre-conceived notions that are frankly ridiculous? Here’s the thing. Its stubbornness that makes us not want to give into your demands, but it’s our own life values that make us realise that we can be better than you ever were. We want more than 9-5 jobs, we want more than the classic white-picket-fence vision; we don’t buy into the idea that you can only ever have one thing in life. We believe that we can have

everything, and we will work hard to get it. Perhaps that’s why you are uncomfortable with us, why you don’t like us? You believe that we need to do everything you did and having anything more is excessive and narcissistic. It’s not. I’m not lazy for quitting a job I hate, if it doesn’t make me happy and give me enjoyment then why would I continue doing it for thirty more years? Changing my mind doesn’t make me any less equipped to do something with my life. In fact it makes me realise what I want to contribute to this world. Is that not good enough for you people? I have a lot of possessions and when you were growing up there was war and a depression and everyone had to be frugal. Automatically that makes me materialistic? We grew up in different environments, so do not compare our materialism to yours. I save up for what I want and when I get it, that makes me a bad person? You were the one who taught me to judge not on looks but on heart – yet you take me at face value?

Oh and my so-called narcissistic personality? I’m always taking selfies, I’m on twitter, Facebook, Instagram or Snapchat. Move on. The 80’s were called the decade of greed remember. Essentially what I’m saying is we grew up in different times to you, we want different things to you, we don’t share the same dreams and ideas, yes we have similarities to you but there is one thing you have failed to understand about us: we are not you. Not even close. We are different people. We are a different generation. I am not you. I think because we are different you feel threatened by us somehow, you think you have built the perfect society and we need to adhere to your rules. We won’t. You didn’t conform in the sixties or the seventies so why would we conform now? I am not lazy, narcissistic or materialistic. You only think so because I don’t want to be like you. I would rather see the world and experience things while I still can and fight for something I believe in than give in to your wild notions about being a particular person. And if you think I’m a bad person for that, well I don’t really give a shit. Isobella Van Schaik

THE GRISWOLDS Does the name have anything to do with a certain loveable accident-prone family? Yeah, yeah it does. We didn’t have a band name and the guy who we wanted to manage us hated every band name that we put forward. It was the night that we were in the studio, recording the last song for the Heart Of A Lion EP. We still didn’t have a band name and our manager was trying to book us in for gigs. Apparently we were going to go with ‘Suicide’ as a band name. I think our manager didn’t want to manage us after a few of our suggestions. We were sitting and it was like three in the morning. We had both finished our recording sessions and we were getting smashed and we started talking about the National Lampoon’s movie. One of the guys was just like, ‘How good would ‘The Griswolds’ be as a band name, we should use it.’ So we did. We did win an ARIA for our band name, which is really cool. Time well spent. Can you liken the band to the family at all? On tour, fuck yeah. I am so hopeless. On one tour, I don’t know why I’m telling you this, it’s a real bad reflection of my character. I lost all my clothes in Los Angeles on the way to New York. And then, on the way to New York, I left my iPhone on the plane. Then in New York, I lost my passport. This was all in like, three consecutive days. Then in Brighton, like two days later, I lost my wallet. So I’d lost my Australian passport, my iPhone and all my clothes and then my wallet, all in the span of about a week. But it gets better. Riley and I sprinted to our cab because I thought I’d left my wallet in the cab. I was that drunk. I paid for the cab, got out and I was feeling my pockets like ‘fuck’ because I thought I left the wallet in the cab. We were in like a little beachy, holiday village in England and we sprinted down to this nightclub we were at. We were harassing the cab driver and yelling at him like ‘I know my wallet is in there’. He denied the whole thing and we left pretty pissed off. Got back to the hotel room and I called my mum and told her I’d lost my wallet. She cancelled all my cards for me. The next morning, as we were packing up, I found my wallet in the bedside table, which is where I would have put it after we got back. I was so drunk, I forgot I put it in there. So yeah, there’s definitely resemblances there. Definitely! How did the band get together? We were all just mates. No fucking awesome, intricate story worth writing about [laughs]. You had five guys in the band and now there’s only four. Is it easier or harder without the extra person? I don’t know yet [laughs]. We haven’t toured as a four-piece yet. We had our first gig the other night as a four-piece. That was really cool except I was really stressed out because I had to play keyboard as well as guitar. Lachlan was on drums and he used to be on keyboard. But it went well! Except I had my stressface on for most of the gig. We’ll find out on tour, I guess. I can only imagine it will be easier because its just less people to worry about and its less hotel rooms, less cabs and stuff.

Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not to love about The Griswolds? They are at the top of so many charts and their music just keeps going from strength to strength. Plus theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re just downright awesome dudes. We caught up with guitarist Danny for a cheeky chat.

‘Beware The Dog’ is the current single you have released. What’s the story behind it? It’s the first song Chris and I ever wrote. Even before The Griswolds had started we had written this song. It was about a friend I went to school with. He got all fucked up on drugs and went through this very long, long, long ordeal. The song is about that. But it is kind of a testimony to the journey. You’ve got a video coming out for the song. Will that be quite different to the other videos considering the song is quite a personal one, or will it still have similar elements to the others? We’re right in the middle of shooting it actually. It’s going really fucking good. It’s pretty out there. I think people will either hate it, or hate it. It’s REALLY out there. It’s so different to what we’ve previously done. We’re spending a shit ton of money on it. I think it’s going to turn out really cool. I don’t think anyone has done anything like it. And there’s no naked girls... oh wait, no there is a naked girl. Well there has to be! Otherwise it’s not a Griswolds music video. Now, the EP has had a tremendous amount of success and you have an album on the way. What can we expect to hear on the album? It’s all done and finished! It’s different. It’s moody. It’s a lot angrier than the EP. We’ve gone through a lot of shit over the course of us writing the album and we realised that the sound of the songs on the EP weren’t going to cut it if we wanted to bring it overseas. We got really ambitious and really frustrated with each other. We got really intense and serious about the whole thing. The result is really different sounding music. But I am super excited about it and I am 1000 percent confident that it is 10 times better than anything we’ve ever done. I can’t wait for people to hear it. I’m kind of pissed of that ‘Beware The Dog’ was the first single because it really doesn’t sound like any of the songs on the new record. Like we weren’t even going to use that song on the album but we ended up having two songs that are a similar genre to the EP that we did want to use. So we’ve used it as a soft single. We released the song without any press or any marketing and we just had a press release and the song sent to a couple of radio stations. It seems to be doing really well and we’re really happy about that. It’s been sitting on iTunes charts and Spotify charts so we aren’t complaining. One of the actors from X-men tweeted it too so that’s pretty cool. Can you give us any clues to the name of the new album? It’s not called ‘Sticky Fingers’. I can’t say much because we’re building something to go with the name of the album. It’s taking a while to build but when its done, its getting mounted to a building in New York. To be confirmed… [laughs] But we are making a video about it and that will be the album announcement. You guys have both played alongside and been hailed by some pretty cool acts. If you could chose someone to collaborate with in a future album, who would be like the ultimate choice? Kanye West. Any day of the week! He’s the best. It’s my choice but I’d make it a band thing. Everyone hates him. But I don’t give a fuck. He’s the best songwriter. I reckon he’s changed modern rap forever. Have you noticed, everyone sounds like him ever since My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy came out? It’s amazing. The man really is a genius. I can imagine it would be a really, really interesting and eye-opening experience to work with someone who can write so many good songs, so quickly. All his collaborations are awesome. Plus his albums challenge people to listen but that adds to his longevity. Despite all the hate he gets, last year he was named number one best album of the year by like 20 of the words most influential blogs, who were constantly writing 11

I THINK PEOPLE WILL EITHER HATE IT, OR HATE IT. IT’S REALLY OUT THERE. IT’S SO DIFFERENT TO WHAT WE’VE PREVIOUSLY DONE.

about how much of a dickhead he is. But when it came down to the music, he was number one everywhere. I’m really looking forward to what he’s got coming up next. It’s just passed the year mark since your first international performance. What was it like playing overseas for the first time? Had any of you ever been outside Australia before? It was really weird. We had no idea what to expect. We had all been overseas before but Lachlan was the only one who had been overseas to play gigs with a band. I had been overseas to play gigs with a band, but my band was shit. Lachlan was over there playing with a band called ‘Maniac’, who were doing some pretty expensive touring. It’s really different to here. Here it’s a minority. In the US, particularly on the coast, it’s such a mainstream thing to do. They have venues set up as music venues and they look after their bands and take a lot of pride in live music. The events are always packed. It’s like a normal night out. Instead of taking ecstasy and going out and getting fucked up, people do the same thing but go watch a band instead, hang around for the DJ and then hit the small bars afterwards. It’s really cool. You’re going back there later on in the year. Where are you most excited to be going? Yeah, we actually leave in like a week. We’re going for like 2-4 months. We’re trying to pen in an Australian tour but we still have to figure out what dates we have to work around. There’s some record labels trying to get us over to Europe and basically we’re being pulled by two arms at the moment. We’re just trying to figure it out but we are definitely going to the US, because we have the Bonnaroo festival. Then we’re doing like a little East Coast run through to the Firefly festival. Then there’s three weeks of press in New York and after that a huge tour, going for 40 days. If we go to Europe, I’m most looking forward to go to Spain. I’m going to make everyone go to Spain, even if we don’t have a single fan there. I’m Spanish but I’ve never been there before. Not many people know I’m Spanish. I know, my parents know, and that’s about it [laughs]. In the US, I love New York. It’s my all-time fave. We have a lot of friends there too. I’ve never been there when the weather is good so I’m stoked about that too. What do you miss most about home when you tour? Oh, everything! Everything makes sense in Australia. There’s probably nothing in the world like home. Things are so good here. It’s clean, it’s pretty, transport is great, the people are great. I miss the feeling of home. Overseas things are just weird. It’s so hard to get the hang of things. I don’t know about other people but I just look at things and just wonder why the fuck they do things like that. There’s some weird shit. You’ve performed at a ton of different festivals all over the world now. Which one stands out for you amongst them all? Oh – just one? We played a little festival called ‘London Calling’ in Holland. It was us, Unknown Mortal Orchestra, Mikki Echo, Palma Violets. It was really, really awesome. That was probably the biggest night of my life. It went for two days and it was crazy. I didn’t sleep the whole time. Amsterdam is wicked. If you could eliminate on genre of music forever, which would it be and why? That’s very negative [laughs]. Uh, you know I’m really not into that hardcore, happy techno stuff. So happy hardcore. And One Direction. Monica Jankowski

MUSIC REVIEWS / Sarah Long

Kim Churchill / Silence/Win This babe is absolutely killing it! He is currently on tour with his fourth album at the young, tender age of 23 and receiving an amazing response. This album has the works of all different and amazing sounds. At first, I would have said that his music was filled with rock and blues, however I was only one song in, with ‘Single Spark’. It’s such a catchy tune which leaves you bleeding for more. But then I heard ‘Window to the Sky’ which is lyrical and dreamy. To top off all these amazing sounds, he pulls out ‘Fear The Fire’, which goes to show that he’s even capable of the slow melodies as well. Kim you’ve done it! This album is full of rustic vocals and intricate guitar skills that pull you in and give you a warm and fuzzy feeling all over.

Remi / Raw x Infinity I haven’t heard Aussie hip-hop like this in a very long time, if not ever. Some critics have mentioned that this could be the answer to all of Australia’s global hiphop problems and I kind of get what they’re saying. Some of the songs he has produced are seriously boss. His brand new album Raw x Infinity brings the right sound to current hiphop. This album is smooth as fuck. Be prepared for brilliant verses, raw and untamed production and the exuberance of a young MC putting every ounce of his soul into a record that now sets the bar incredibly high. Remi reminisces on life, politics, identity and popculture throughout the songs that he spins. He has a unique style and delivers an undeniable flow. My favourites would have to be ‘Tyson’ and ‘Livin’. If you have given up on Aussie hip-hope, there’s hope! Get around this dude.

Little Dragon / Nabuma Rubberband I am currently loving the song ‘Klapp Klapp’. This little number is currently being played all over Triple J. It’s catchy and her voice has some power to it. In fact, the cover on the album leads you into believing that you’re about to experience an innocent, cloudy, carefree album, which appears to be the complete, polar opposite. This album is creative, inspiring and extremely imaginative. It tantalises your tastebuds with electropop, jazz and RNB. This entire album was produced in Yakumi’s home studio and she nailed every single tune. She really shines with her incredible voice and sense of melodic vocals. The band are effortlessly relaxed and have an overwhelming cool, calm and collective tone.

The Black Keys / Turn Blue I listened to this album and absolutely loved it. Turn Blue is brilliant and really complements my mood in Byron Bay. This is now their eighth album produced and they’re still killing it. I have to praise them for their amazing efforts in outdoing all these other bands that have crumbled during eras of financial stress. Yet they have somehow made it through and are on top with another kick-arse album. They have experimented with some new sounds, moods and textures, creating a real blues-rock album. Well done fellas.

www.blackdewa.com

MILKY CHANCE So something that I’ve always wanted to know is where did the name Milky Chance come from? Haha. There’s no meaning or story behind the name. When I was 13, I was songwriting in my room and I would always make up artists names just for fun because I played all the songs on the PC. Just funny names. Then after finishing school I wanted to upload songs to YouTube and I needed a name, and I’m not good with choosing, so I just took that one. I think for me it sounded the best so there’s no meaning or anything! Just because.

Milky Chance, an eclectic duo from Germany are bewitching this side of the world with their reggae vibes mixed with electric beats and a melancholic mood. We chatted to lead singer Clemens about their upcoming album launch, being discovered on YouTube and of course when they’re coming to Australia.

You’re just about to release your album soon which is very exciting. How do you feel? Yeah, it’s cool. It’s very exciting. For me it’s hard to realise what’s going on over there in Australia. When I go to Australia I’ll get an idea of what’s happening. I know it’s very far away, but who knows. It’s kind of unreal.

know you and they like you and they have a relationship with you. They are very close to you and they know what you are doing and how you are doing it and what music you did before. And to me it’s very interesting to see the reactions from different people, from strangers who don’t know you. So it was not for the attention but it was just to share the music. I never had any expectations at all and I didn’t think, ‘ooh maybe it could be a big thing,’ and stuff like that, it was just for fun. Because of your success, have you found that people recognize you on the street? Well yeah sometimes. In Germany of course. In Germany there are a lot of street meetings haha. Girls coming up to me and things like that, so it’s okay. Mostly it’s funny. It’s funny to see how people react. There was one situation where a woman was with two people at the train station. And I was there with my girlfriend and they didn’t know me, or they knew me but I had a hat on and they didn’t recognize me. Then when I took my hat off they were like, ‘Look! Oh my God!’ Haha and then she totally changed her behaviour. They changed. It was cool. If you could describe your music in three words what words would you choose? Melancholy, and always danceable. The wrap line on the album is a mixture of a certain kind of sadness mixed up with danceable beats and electronic beats and a little bit of a reggae vibe. It’s a mix of positive vibes and sadness, so positive sadness maybe.

When you started you just put your songs on YouTube did you ever think that they would get this big or well-known, literally across the world?

What inspired to write the music?

No, no, no, no I mean I never had any expectations or any achievements and it was just for fun. It was actually just to show the songs to my friends, and to people who didn’t know me, it was just to see how they would react to the music. Because your friends

Are there any artists in particular who inspire you?

Generally it’s just about different situations, about the past, the future, or thinking about different situations. Normal life, everyday life stories.

Oh I think there is a lot. I’ve heard that question a few times so I’ve been able to think about it. I just really like music in general, we had a very good 17

A certain kind of sadness mixed up with electronic beats and a reggae vibe. It’s a mixture of positive vibes and sadness.

education in music because we both went to music classes and stuff. We listened to a lot of classical music and old music and jazz, and we were in a choir and we had a band. But we’re writing stuff and nowadays I think it’s inspired by all of that. Every type of music that I listen to. I think it’s focussed on singer-songwriter reggae, but also of course electronic music. Do you think you’re going to come to Australia at any point? Of course yeah, we’re really looking forward to going to Australia. We will be going in January because I think there will be some festivals. So we’re really looking forward to doing some festivals in Australia to travel around and to see where it takes us. Has there ever been a moment in the last year where you’ve thought, ‘Oh my God I can’t believe this is happening’? Haha yeah, we played our first big festival and there was like 6,000 people in front of the stage and it was really overwhelming and really amazing. So that was the first

moment when I thought ‘this is amazing!’ What are your plans after your tour and after the album release? We always have a break in winter time, so I think I’ll take some family time at the end of the year and in November and December we have free time I think I will go snowboarding and stuff like that. Just chilling at home in the flat and maybe make some more music, some more records. Yeah, that sounds good! If you had a super power what would it be? Let me think about it. Hmm. Well Spiderman was really cool, and I think everyone dreams about flying in the sky, but I would say diving. I would really love that. Like scuba diving. Do you know that movie… Waterworld, yeah. You know, is it with Kevin Costner? Being in the water like a fish. Zoe Bradley

GENERATION BUDGET CUTS Gen Y are upset because the government isn’t supporting us as much as we would like. Is it their responsibility, or are we becoming complacent?

Something positive needs to be said about the recent budget cuts. Since the 2014 budget was released earlier this year, Australians, especially the youth culture, have become pessimistic about our future, about what the rest of the world thinks of our country, and about politics in general. But I don’t think it’s all bad. In fact, I’m going to try and convince any readers that there is something pretty excellent, especially for Generation Y, that’s come out of the thing that’s making us feel so awful. Before I get there, I just want to illustrate what our dire circumstances look like at the moment: Penny Wong, current leader of the opposition and Labour Senator for South Australia, wrote this about the 2014 budget implemented by the Abbott government: ‘Political deceit may have provided Abbott with an expedient path to office, but it represents a shaky foundation for responsible economic and Budget management.’ Adam Bandt, Greens MP, said this: ‘Tony Abbott is taking an axe to the poor, the young and the sick with a brutal budget of cuts and broken promises.’ Comments like these, plus violent protests, inner-city marches and 20

numerous online campaigns like #BustTheBudget all point to one thing that hardly even needs to be said anymore: this is a damn unpopular budget. Perhaps the most vocal group in protest is also one of the groups suffering the most from harsh cuts, which is, of course, young students, usually under-twenty, looking to study at University or pursue other forms of higher education. Interest rates on student loans have been increased, the income threshold for graduates has been lowered, and, come January 2016, enrolling students will face an as-of-yet unknown tuition increase. With all the cuts made to university faculties and the decrease in subjects and courses on offer, studying is going to cost younger generations more money for, most likely, less options. With a future like this, it not shock to hear, during the protests, the upset public chanting such as ‘Tony Abbott, fuck you, we deserve a future, too,’ and brandishing signs with slogans like, ‘Fuck Tony Abbott.’ So Australia’s youth will undoubtedly face a few problems trying to get educated. But all the money Abbott’s

getting from these cuts, he must plan on using it to preserve our future, right? Well, that depends on what you mean by “preserving the future”. Abbott has increased funding to Australia’s defense by 6.1% – that’s $29.3 billion – but it’s not entirely clear what he’s planning on protecting us from. In fact, in addition to the future of education looking bleak for younger generations, it may well be that the future itself is in danger. It’s a publically known fact that our Prime Minister is a climate-change denier, and this was certainly confirmed when the budget came out. It now seems like the PM has a personal vendetta against the environment. Initiatives to reduce greenhouse gases, cleaner fuel programs, and the Australian Renewable Energy Agency have all undergone severe cuts. Even the Great Barrier Reef, which was promised to be safeguarded by the new government, has received a pittance worth of funding compared to what’s needed to sustain such an iconic natural phenomenon. So what’s positive in all this? By now everybody knows the budget isn’t making life easy, especially for the disadvantaged. But for us, for the

younger generation with our whole lives ahead of us, there is something happening that’s undeniably great. PM Tony Abbott’s drastic methods to fix the so-called “emergency situation” in Australia’s economy has inspired an incredible amount of passion in a generation otherwise referred to as lazy, unengaged and as having everything “too easy”. During one of the protests in Melbourne outside State Parliament, a 15 yearold girl had to be escorted away by police for her unruly behaviour during the protest. Though it might get a little bit ugly at times, young people are standing up for what they believe in and demanding their government take notice. Suddenly, environmental issues, education policies and pension payments are being noticed and passionately engaged with by the youth culture. For a generation that’s supposedly sitting around on Facebook all day, we sure are determined to shake things up a bit, and we’ve proved this to ourselves. Maybe from this, we’ll fight and achieve a government we don’t need to protest against. We have Tony Abbott and the Liberal Government to thank for that. Tom Bensley

Is the government responsible for supporting Gen Y as we establish our place in society, or should young Australians expect less support from the Australian tax payers? Is the Abbott Government justified in cocking up the financial security of young job seekers and university students, or are we just a bunch of self-entitled dicks who need to grow up and cut the apron strings? This is not so much a question of entitlement, but a question of political persuasion. Are we better off leaving the welfare of young adults to the mercy of a neoliberal free-market

structure, or do we function better as a society when the government supports those who aspire to improve their prospects? If you lean toward the right, I can confidently assume you support a free market approach where supply and demand dictates the success of a society, as opposed to the left approach, where government works to support its citizens, who in turn support society through their contribution. Australia is currently in a position where the pendulum has swung in the direction of neoliberalism, although few people seem willing to admit they helped set the country on this trajectory. Regardless of how we got here, we are now at the mercy of Hockey’s budget deficit hysteria, and the heads of Gen Y are positioned on the proverbial chopping block. University students and people under 30 are set to be amongst the biggest losers with this ridiculously conservative budget; young adults stand to lose up to $100 a fortnight if they were born after 1989, while university leavers unable to secure employment can expect to be placed on a six-month repeating cycle of non-payments should they require Newstart to survive. Any student fortunate enough to secure work after completing their degree will face increased interest on their HELP fees, and the minimum income threshold for repayments is now much lower, at $50,638. Commonwealth contributions to university fees are being reduced and the fees charged to students are being increased, meaning you can expect to be carrying the burden of debt from a much earlier age, at a much higher rate. Coupled with increased fuel and medical costs, it’s looking likely that young people who wish to exercise their right to an education will be forced to linger below the poverty line for a great deal longer than the duration of their studies. Understandably, young Australians are feeling the uncertainty. While building the future of this country, they will be footing not just their own bill, but also the bill of the people currently fighting against the

Austudy/Newstart safety net. The Coalition’s right-wing entourage of escaped circus clowns will monopolise the distribution of social security as they approach their twilight years; Gen Y will be paying the pensions, the subsidised health care and medications of the voters who put Abbott and Hockey in power, yet they are the ones being portrayed as the financial drain in Hockey’s fabled ‘budget emergency’. Is this fair? Absolutely not. Young adults should be supported by the Australian Government as they complete their studies and enter the workforce, because they are the ones who will be using their education and expertise to support our aging society for the next 50 to 60 years. The older generations and the Coalition wax lyrical with their ‘back in my day’ rhetoric, but let’s get one thing straight; back in their day university was inaccessible to families on low incomes. Back in their day university places were limited and school completion rates were lower. In 1976, less than a third (30%) of young adults had obtained a non-school qualification and only 5% had a bachelor degree or higher qualification. Today over half (52%) of young adults have a non-school qualification, and around a quarter (26%) have a bachelor degree or higher qualification. Employment opportunities for women today are much higher and our professionals compete in a global market, which would never have been attainable in the times prior to Gough Whitlam’s education reforms. Treating the future teachers, leaders, doctors, caregivers and innovators as a commodity will only barely benefit the economy in the short term. Education is an investment with a very high return of productivity, and without a doubt our government will be relying on Gen Y to carry this country as the population ages. We deserve the support of our country, because the return on the investment is what will sustain the economy through to the next generation. Gemma Davies

LIAM MILNER Luna Tunes was a little side project I began thanks to a thousands little chance roads meeting together. I was in Berlin staring out a train window thinking way too much and hoping to dig out a few golden thought-nuggets amongst the mud. I came up with the idea of Luna Tunes. Originally it was about making art for/about/inspired by/ignited by music – for those moments when music really goes down through your veins and into your bones. Now Luna Tunes isn’t the side project and its more than just music. It’s my main dog. It’s opened doors into clothing design I’m doing with local Melbourne lads YSTRDAYBONE and some rad as local music acts. Recently I’ve started making Luna Tunes hand painted Tee’s. The new Tee’s are super exciting for me just because they sum up everything that Luna Tunes is about. I paint them to order with my own hands. I like doing everything myself even if its the ‘wrong’ way because there is no wrong way when you are creating something. I have my lady and there is no way I’d have the heart or confidence to do art at all if it weren’t for her, but in terms of literal conception and creation I’m a huge loner and I like it that way – when I like what I make, it is easily my best stuff.

FASHION / Sponsored By Oz Apparel

A FAN-DRIVEN MOVEMENT THAT THAT FOCUSES ON INSPIRING OUR GENERATION TO BE ALL THEY CAN BE AND TO DO EVERYTHING WITH INTEGRITY AND PASSION.

Monsta Surf is an alternative surf and city fashion brand headquartered in Melbourne. It is a fan-driven movement that focuses on inspiring our generation to be all they can be and to do everything with integrity and passion. Monsta was born in 2012, after the creation of one surfboard branded with ‘Monsta Surfboards’. The logo soon became quite popular around Melbourne and the surrounding surf coast towns of Victoria, and the movement began. In 2013, founder Cam Greenwood believed that he had the opportunity to create a platform, which combined the passions of his generation with surf and city fashion apparel, in order to inspire people. With strong values of giving back, Monsta Surf has its own foundation, partnering with Go Beyond All Borders in supporting the development of the Huruma Children’s Home in Kenya. Today, Monsta Surf is excited that their brand is worn worldwide, and that they have been able to inspire people along the way.

WE WOULD RATHER HAVE THE ATHLETE WHO COMES IN SECOND AND WHO STANDS FOR WHAT WE REPRESENT, THAN THE ARROGANT GUY WHO COMES IN FIRST BUT CRAWLED OVER ALL HIS MATES TO GET THERE.

How did the name Monsta come about? What does it mean? In 2012, I started making surfboards as a hobby. My partner Erin and I thought that ‘Monsta Surfboards’ would be a fitting brand name for my boards and the logo Erin created soon became quite popular amongst my friends. The movement really just started from there, we didn’t plan the name let alone think it would come this far! So the A was on purpose or a spelling mistake? Haha! Actually can’t remember why we spelled it with an A, just sounded better to us I think! People in Indonesia love to emphasise the A when they say it so it must be cool. You created Monsta with your partner Erin. Be honest, how much do each of you gloat when you come up with the most popular designs? Erin loves to take all the glory for the logo and every other successful idea that she has thought of! I guess she’s allowed to because without her contribution we wouldn’t have such a unique logo that everyone loves. The ‘A’ has become an invaluable asset to our brand. Describe the Monsta style in one sentence. We are the alternative fashion brand to surfing, and the quirky surf brand to fashion. Who is your ultimate Monsta babe? Port Adelaide superstar Chad Wingard is a major babe, and he reps Monsta. Our models are pretty spot on as well. But I’d better say that my partner Erin is the ultimate babe though. What’s next for Monsta? Our aim is to keep growing so we can use Monsta Surf as a platform to inspire our generation to be all they can be and to do everything with integrity and passion. It is also one of my dreams to see our Monsta foundation raise enough money to take the kids of the Huruma Children’s Home for a surf down the coast of Kenya in the near future! Tell me more about the Monsta Ambassador Program (MAP)? The Monsta Ambassador Program was established to showcase the talents of individuals who inspire our generation and push the boundaries of excellence in their endeavours. MAP aims to support and enable them to keep pursuing what they love. We have some big plans for our Ambassador Program which we will look to roll out towards the end of the year, exciting times for sure! How do you decide who becomes a Monsta ambassador? We have a set of values (which can be seen on our site) that our brand lives by. We try to align our ambassadors with these values. What we really do is recognise and respect talents and personalities. We would rather have the athlete who comes in second, who is the life of the party and who stands for what we represent, than the arrogant guy who comes in first but crawled over all his mates to get there. >

You have also established the Monsta foundation to help impoverished children in Kenya. Are you going to run for Prime Minister next? What would you do if you were Prime Minister for a day? Haha why not? Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d probably take the Kenyan kids on a surf trip. On an expensive charter boat as well. Tax payers can pick up the bill, thanks legends! If you could only save one from falling off a cliff, would it be Kelly Slater or Mick Fanning? Kelly is my boy and has even contributed ideas in the past to some of the surfboard models I have created, and yes I do still have a man crush on him from the time I got to spend with him... but Fanning is Australian. Sorry Kelly. Point Break or Blue Crush? Watching both of these movies is like rubbing your feet in the sand with a killer sunburn, but Point Break supposedly has Bells in it. Based on this incorrect fact and the pure adrenaline of this amazingly bad film, Point Break wins. Is it ever ok to pee in your wetsuit whilst surfing? A good pee in a wetsuit can be a beautiful thing; such relief from the cold water, but getting it done before you get in the water is definitely the better option. Random fact: peeing on jellyfish stings is an effective treatment, especially if it happens to one of your mates! Tory Price

SPONSORED BY OZ APPAREL OZAPPAREL.COM.AU

WWW.MONSTASURF.COM 33

ARE WE DESTROYING THE SEVENTH WONDER OF THE NATURAL WORLD? The Great Barrier Reef is Australia’s most beautiful natural assest. But are we doing enough to ensure that it is protected from government schemes?

Australia holds the distinction of being the location for one of the seven natural wonders of the world, and arguably the most beautiful – The Great Barrier Reef. It’s the kind of thing you always see in tourism ads, or printed on postcards in tourist shops on Swanston Street, alongside matching ones of Uluru and the Sydney Opera House. Other distinctions included being a World Heritage Site, the state icon of Queensland and the honour of being the worlds biggest structure made by living organisms -but can we honestly sit back and say we are doing enough to protect one of Australia’s most beautiful and important landmarks? The biggest threat to the Great Barrier Reef is obvious – global warming. As we produce more carbon dioxide the planet grows hotter, which then cause the temperature of the sea to rise as well. We’ve all seen the techni-colour landscape of the reef, some of us in person, some in photos and even immortalized in movies like Finding Nemo. As the sea temperature rises, the colour drains. This process is 34

called ‘coral bleaching’. The bright reds, purples and yellow fade away and the coral turns into a lifeless white, not something that draws the big tourist dollars. The colour change isn’t the only problem; bleaching causes the coral to become weaker and eventually die. When the coral changes, the fish that rely upon it also suffer. The level of fish then affects the survivability of the sea turtles and the sea birds that live off the coast. The whole ecosystem chokes and suffers and rather than a picturesque seascape, Australia is left with a barren mess. So that’s the threat that climate change poses – But that is something we should all know. I remember lessons on climate change in primary school. Making poster boards about the recycling and saving energy to benefit the environment. That was over a decade ago now and honestly I find it kind of disgusting how little our government and others around the world have progressed since then. Everyone in Gen Y is well versed in climate change. So what is our Government trying to implement?

The ‘Direct Action Scheme’. This basically means paying big polluters to stop polluting – that’s like paying a murderer not to stab someone. Scientists are pretty skeptical of the benefits to the Australian environment but also the reef itself, which is already so fragile. While the government isn’t excited about taking action on climate change, they are certainly excited on making money from mining – Northern Queensland is the latest hotspot for large-scale coal developments. The problem however, is that there are very few options for getting the coal out of that area once it is dug up so the already cash-bloated Gina Rinehart and Clive Palmer are looking at the reef as their way to make even more. Their plan is to build mega ports along the World Heritage Queensland coast area so that dirty brown coal can be exported and sold overseas. Great plan; let’s damage the reef so we can export the thing that is already causing it the most damage? Well done Queensland Government.

One of the proposed areas for develop, Abbot Point is a known breeding and nesting site for the already endangered green sea turtle and dugong. In order to dock larges cargo ships there though the sea floor would have to be dredged and deepened. This process is expensive and would also mean dumping tonnes of light sediment all over the Great Barrier Reef itself – choking the sea grass and coral that are already struggling due to rising temperatures. The projected number of vessels going through the fragile reef area would basically equate to being a shipping ‘super-highway’. We all remember the footage that came after BP oil spill in the US. Fish floating on the surface of the water, and sea birds coated in thick black oil. Is that something we really want to risk on the reef? Who cares about the turtles and the dugongs if Clive Palmer can make more money and build more giant dinosaurs for his golf park? Unfortunately money talks in these situations and with the Abbott Government cutting more funding out of education and science the

people speaking out for the Great Barrier Reef are being silenced by the piles of dirty coin the government are pocketing from the mining industry. So what should we do? We should fight to do everything we can. This means implementing proper environmental policies so we don’t look like fools on a world stage, the country that sat back and let their greatest asset die. Private business is greedy and the government on both a state and federal level need to do more to ensure that the beautiful gardens of coral are protected and enjoyed by all for years to come - it is up to all of us to make them listen. For more information on what you can do, head to fightforthereef.org.au. Spencer Hadlow

THAILAND’S SEXUAL DELIRIUM Prostitution in Thailand is huge, and the women at the wheel are nothing more than sex slaves believing they are living the high life. Mia Francisco strips back the disturbing layers of what it really means to be a female prostitute in Thailand.

Prostitution is the oldest and perhaps the most intriguing profession of all. Selling your body for sexual purposes sounds pretty graphic and even gross when it’s put in its simplest form. But what if you were living in the poorest area of town with only a handful of money and it was put to you in these terms: selling your body for sex will allow you to be lavished with gifts of jewellery and makeup and food and even a new home? Allowing another to use your body for their own sexual needs will take you away from poverty to a life where you will be treated like a princess by all the white male tourists. Hell, you may even actually become a princess, of the underworld that is. Still not tempted to be a hooker in Thailand? Does it still make you scrunch up your nose and think of red-lipped young girls sitting in a hotel room with fear in their eyes? I don’t blame you. Underage prostitution and sex-slavery is growing bigger and scarier than ever before.

Prostitution has been a major part in Thailand’s sex tourism industry for centuries. Men, women and children all partake in the act of offering their bodies and company to fellow Thai people or the usual majority who are tourists. More often than not, a lot of the female and children prostitutes are not working in this particular field by choice. No way would any child pick a life of sexual and mental abuse, and I for one, do not think for a second that all those women prostitutes are loving life. Sadly, many women see prostitution as a way out from their low-incomeearning existence, and a lot of these women have had only minimal or no education at all. Prostitution is all they know. It is all they have. Many of us westernised people are yelling out that these women should be educated about the future and immediate consequences of their chosen profession. I am definitely behind the idea that more educated societies and people should spread their knowledge about the dangers of selling sex in a country like Thailand.

Some of you may be thinking why do us westernised people get to decide what is right and what is wrong? Who are we to give advice and express concern about this matter? Well! Aside from the obvious factors that a) prostitution is illegal in Australia for many good reasons and b) prostitutes in Thailand are made up of children a.k.a sex slaves, us westernised people have the opportunity to be educated and well-informed, unlike many Thai civilians. History has it that prostitution was first introduced to Australia way back when the first fleet arrived to the land down under. From then on, the Australian government first policed the sex industry in “controlled” areas. It is now frowned upon by society, the two main reasons being that prostitution is the primary cause of STI’s and, perhaps most importantly, prostitution was a dark and scary world where young girls were forced into the profession. Rape, abuse, unplanned pregnancies and the like all grew rapidly and prostitution was to blame. These sad, yet true, reasons and past knowledge are why we want

to help the women in Thailand. We want them to be made aware of what potential and instant dangers they are exposed to. So how do we get the message across? Well the word has already been spread, long, long ago. Countless activists and non-profit organisations like Nightlight* (NGO) have been crusading for women and children’s rights since the true horrors of what goes on behind closed doors for a Thai prostitute came to their attention.

*The Nightlight Foundation is an organisation addressing the lack of opportunities for women caught up in Bangkok’s sex trade. Mia Francisco

Every human being has the right to be free, to be educated, to be healthy and happy. If you agree with this statement then surely you nod your head to approve westernised people helping the less-educated, regardless of whether they want the help or not. They deserve help and a way out, no matter how blind some of the women may be. They may think that they are making a pretty penny without having to do much at all, but in reality; these women are being treated as sexual objects and down the track their emotional and physical wellbeing will suffer. It’s a fact. 37

bryan nicholson I am a New Hampshire-based action sports photographer, looking for that decisive moment. Ever since I was a kid I have had a camera in my hand. My love for creating images grew. Growing up and living close to the ocean has also fed my obsession with the camera, and the ocean has translated into my photography. There are many variables that have to line up when shooting in New Hampshire; the weather, waves, and light and form. Some of the best waves happen in the dead of winter. After graduating with a Masterâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Degree in photography I learned that there is more to photography then pointing, clicking, and hoping that you captured something. I enjoy the anticipation of whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s about to happen next. www.facebook.com/bryannicholsonphotography Instagram: bryannicholsonphotography 38

www.bryannicholson.com

Spunkhyde Visit Spunkhyde here

FILM REVIEWS / NICHOLAS IVANOVIC

X-Men: Days of Future Past X-Men: Days of Future Past’s opening sequence will remind you of the very same one in Terminator 2: Judgement Day; a bluetinted dystopian future world filled with rubble and human skulls. Mutants are fighting a losing battle against killing machines (called Sentinels) that have turned on humanity. In a desperate attempt to ensure survival, Wolverine (Hugh Jackman) is sent back to the year 1973 to prevent an assassination that kick-started the Sentinel’s creation (similar to when Arnie was sent back in Terminator 2…). It’s an interesting concept that combines comic book lore with real historical events, such as the Vietnam War and JFK Assassination, and reunites mutants from X-Men: First Class (2011) and the X-Men trilogy. The main criticism is the plot, which has a few holes. The film overall isn’t as exciting or entertaining as X-Men: First Class, but it should satisfy most fans of the genre. 3/5

Chef Food Porn: The act of looking at food and becoming sexually aroused. Chef is a film that certainly wants cash in on the craze that is abundant in social media at the moment. Jon Favreau directed, wrote and plays the lead in Chef. The plot revolves around his fall from grace when he lashes out at a critic who gives him a bad review. This outburst goes viral and costs him his job. Not letting it defeat him, he decides to reinvent himself as a maker of Cuban sandwiches, selling them and travelling in a food van from Miami to Los Angeles. Chef has a great Latin American soundtrack and has some big name cameos from Dustin Hoffman, Scarlett Johansson, Robert Downey Jnr. and Sofia Vergera. Despite this, the unlikeable lead and the predictable plot won’t be quite enough to make you climax. 2.5/5

Under The Skin Scarlett Johansson routinely tops the polls of being one of the sexiest women in the world. She puts that sex appeal to use in Under The Skin, but not in the way you think. Under The Skin has a nonlinear plot and revolves around the mysterious ‘Laura’ (Scarlett Johansson) preying on random lonely men on the side of the road in her van, where she eventually seduces them and brings them back to her home, all meeting terrible demises. Under The Skin is an enigma of a film: it slowly unravels itself, as each victim is seduced. It is layered with memorable surrealistic scenes and an unnerving soundtrack that creates constant foreboding. Johansson is unrecognisable with her jet-black hair and British accent. She gives a truly haunting yet restrained performance and a feeling of being disconnected from humanity. A truly disturbing piece of art. And that ending when all is explained; holy shit. 4/5

Her Funny, sad, beautiful, tragic, awkward, endearing: words that you could apply to any solid relationship. They are also words you could use to apply to Spike Jonze’s latest film Her. Joaquin Phoenix plays Theodore Twombly who, in the near future, writes for people wanting to express their written love for their significant other but can’t or don’t have the time to. He himself is lonely and lost after separating from his wife. To give order back to his life, he installs an artificial operating system in his house called ‘Samantha’ (voiced by Scarlett Johansson), who has the ability to learn and develop. She fulfils his desires of feeling wanted again and he fulfils hers in making her feel human. And a relationship starts to develop. Her is a beautiful and honest film that really speaks about our humanly needs for love and companionship: a true piece of cinematic art that will have you feeling a whole range of emotions. 4.5/5 45

HAPPY ENDINGS In film, that is.

There’s a saying that says ‘life isn’t like the movies,’ and I’m sure, if you’ve read any of my past pieces, you’ve probably heard me spurt that one before. But it’s true – movies, often, are fluff pieces, churned out by the Hollywood machine to make people feel better about themselves and about their lives. They are heightened stories, taking themes like love and ecstasy to the utmost limits – providing unreal situations in an otherwise realistic setting. Movies, on the most part, have happy endings. Even if a movie isn’t incredibly happy in tone (like dramas and even horrors), generally, a happy, satisfying ending will round-out the piece. It’s rare these days that a movie will have a sad, disturbing or heavy ending. But why, in this day and age, do we want to sit and watch a movie with a happy ending? Historically, movie-goers haven’t always favoured films with happy endings. In fact, during the war years, people flooded cinemas to get away from their everyday lives, to, for some time, forget the war and all the horrible things going on around 46

them. But what kind of movies did they go to see? Yep, that’s right… war movies. Or at least, movies set during war time. To escape the reality of being trapped in one of history’s darkest moments, audiences would cheer up by watching movies of other people trapped in one of history’s darkest moments. Maybe it was to make them feel that they weren’t alone, or maybe it was to convince themselves that other people had it worse, I don’t know – but what I do know is that the amount of films set during war-torn Europe WHILST Europe was in the middle of becoming war-torn is staggering. The entire Film Noir movement, which began developing at the same time practically built its entire framework around being depressing. They were films usually about a private detective or a cop whose life begins shit, gets better, gets shit again and then ends shitter than it began. Thus, an un-happy ending. And guess what – audiences gobbled it up! The thing with older movies though, is that audiences used to go to the movies to watch themselves – or

at least watch an extension of their own lives. While the modern film was being ‘invented’, so to speak, movies were a different beast and though they provided somewhat of an escape, they didn’t provide anywhere near the same level of comfort or hopefulness as films of today. Now, in this day and age of cinema, flooded with superhero blockbusters and stories of unlikely romance, audiences turn to films not to watch a reflection of themselves, but as a means of escaping themselves. Movies are an incredible form of escapism. An escape from ourselves, an escape from our times. A way to forget about all of our troubles and get away to a world of fantasy for two hours. And that’s purely and simply what movies are – fantasy. Hardly any movie these days is realistic at all. But that’s what we love. We want happy (non-realistic) endings because they’re satisfying because they make us, simply, happy. And that’s what the experience is about - staying happy, staying satisfied. Most movies are not just stories that we sit and watch to blow two hours, but are something that

we can connect to, something that expresses and conquers our innermost feelings, hopes and fears, that we otherwise couldn’t by ourselves. We connect to them on a high level, they interweave with our psyche, and somewhat become a firsthand experience. So, in saying this, happy (again, un-realistic) endings make this experience all the more satisfying, leaving us feeling better about ourselves and content after our incredible journey to Neverland. Sad endings, well, they put us on a bit of a downer really. Have you ever watched a deep, emotionally dark movie that ends on a really heavy note and you can’t think about anything else for hours, days, weeks after you’ve seen it? It’s not a great feeling. In the same way that heaviness can weigh us down for days, positive movies can lift us up for days. It’s because of this that happy movies, generally, do better at the cinemas. Film producers cottoned onto this theory long ago and this is perhaps why we see so many movies like this. Filmmakers have long believed that the entire cinematic experience – that

is, whether an audience member truly enjoyed a film or not, relies on how it finishes and how they feel as they walk out of the cinema. If the film ends on a low-note, it leaves the audience with a sour taste in their mouth – perhaps making them dislike the film (even if they enjoyed watching it for the most part) and, thus, reducing the chances of them ever wanting to see it again. Ever. If the ending is happy, the viewer is left with a sweet taste, one that will make a movie-goer want to go back to the cinemas over and over again.

comfort. The part of our psyche that demands a positive outcome. Perhaps the happy ending belongs in the cinema. And as far-out and ridiculous as it can often be – that’s where we love it, and where we want it to stay. Dave Lee

If life was like the movies, you bet your arse we’d probably all be a lot happier as a society. We’d all have that first love, we’d all have that dream job and that dream life. There’d be no wars and no darkness. Just pure roses and chocolates, all day every day. But in this world – in this reality – the only real place for un-realistic expectations are in the cinema. If life was like the movies, the world would be quite different – perhaps it would be quite dull. Life is all about the highs and the lows. It’s about the journey. So, perhaps, the happy ending belongs in that part of our mind that wants, nay, needs 47

Nathan boyes My name is Nathan Boyes. I am a 27 year-old carpenter with a beard, so you could say I am like a less helpful version of Jesus. Most of the inspiration I get for my art comes from random thoughts in my head or funny things my friends say. I hope to keep pushing and improving my artwork until I can make a living from it, maybe doing childrenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s books or character concepts for films and cartoons. But if I am being honest, I would work in an art supplies store as long as it meant I could surround myself with art all day. boyesnathan@gmail.com / instagram-ndboyes / tumblr-nathanboyes.tumblr.com

ARE THE DAYS OF UFC FIGHTING OVER? The UFC have to get serious about performance enhancing drugs. But will discontinuation of these drugs destroy the future of the sport?

The UFC have a very big call to make: get serious about testing for performance enhancing drugs or let them run rampant. The lackluster approach which we have seen so far has led only to fierce debate and controversy. But can the UFC afford to remove steroids from its ranks all together? What if the problem is more widespread than we know about? Would the hottest franchise in the world risk any of its multi-billion dollar industry by potentially watering down some of their main events? What if their largest stars are relying on these substances in order to keep the size they have learnt to fight in? Too many of these questions appear to be at the forefront of administrator’s minds and, for the time being, have stayed their hands from making any swift changes. The UFC has easily been the fastest growing brand over the past decade. It has become mainstream on the back of controversies and heated debate about what should and 52

should not be allowed. So far it has survived all of the disputes, most revolving around the violence and keeping children away from the sport. But this latest one could change the very culture of the sport. The problem the UFC has is that a lot of the rumblings in this debate are coming from the fighters themselves. Previously they have been able to keep a united front with all competitors able to shrug off criticism and support the violence as a part of the lifestyle they have chosen. Very few, if any, competitors would have begun their careers hoping that drugs would play a big part in their rise to fame. So for every fighter who has ridden this pharmaceutically aided rise to fame, they leave a wake of disgruntled clean fighters behind. What avenue of appeal do these fighters have? Trash talking in the media hasn’t seemed to have an effect. On the contrary, the UFC has even cashed in on these newly born “rivalries” with fighters obviously taking offence at being labelled drug

cheats. Hard work and sacrifice is the hardest and most noble option, but there are very few immediate results, and even less promised at the end of the tunnel. Which leaves a lot of frustrated, testosterone-charged men (and some women) to either take a hiatus from the sport or delve into their opponent’s chest of goodies for themselves. Sport at its purest should be an even contest between two individuals or teams, which should reflect effort and skill. Unfortunately science and technology has advanced much faster than we have. Some sports are finally capping the money which is being spent off the field, namely on sports science and research. Money and financial backing should not be playing a role in who can and can’t be successful. By following this formula the UFC risk leaving a group of elite (perhaps drug-using) fighters who will share all the titles and glory between themselves, and a pack of clean ‘challengers’ who will be pumped

up as a danger, but in fact will never really live up the to hype. Now whilst upsets and unexpected results in sport are widely spoken about, they aren’t the type of excitement an organization can live off. There needs to be an even competition, where a form fighter could even lose if he is 5-10% off his A-game. The push for the sport to be cleaned up is even coming from players who these new rules will harm. It may be sour grapes that other players are ‘cheating’ better than them, but former champs such as Georges St. Pierre’s, are leaving the sport in hope that they can re-enter it when it is clean. As ‘noble’ as these actions might be, it seems any action that comes from them will be too late to help re-launch his career.

surrounds most debates in the world, humankind usually end up doing the right thing when the answer is this obvious. They have to stop allowing their competitors to endanger their health more than they already do. Sure a few investors might get their noses out of joint if there is an initial drop in interest or quality, but this equalization will lead to even more competition and ultimately cement its longevity. The sport will eventually be clean, it just depends which big wig wants to make themselves responsible for change. Mitchell Pascoe

If the UFC is committed to becoming one of the biggest sports on the globe, and retaining its position, then the push for an even playing ground will eventually win out. As much debate and controversy that

CHEEKY CHAPTERS / Sarah Long

DIRTY TALK There’s nothing wrong with a cheeky chat between the sheets, but there’s a fine line between cheeky and just plain weird.

I have always been a bit funny with words, funny as in ‘cautious’. I have never liked the word cunt. I have always hated the word moist. And ‘hard cock’ sounds like a pornographic scene. This could have something to do with my mum teaching me at a young age that wee, poo and farts were too naughty and that we must use tinkles, jobbies and crackers instead. I have received the blank-eyed stare from people whenever I still use those words. Thanks Mum. However in stating the above, although I have never enjoyed crasssounding words, I don’t mind writing hilarious sentences about ‘willies flying around the room’ or ‘butt holes being massaged.’ As long as the words aren’t rude, then the sentence is fine. Right? Well that was until I was told by a dude that he ‘wanted to make love to me in my baby hole.’ What the actual fuck? Ash, my friend and I were sitting over coffee one lovely afternoon, when she began telling me about 54

her overwhelmingly, flamboyant gay friend! And that it’s important for every straight girl to have one of these men in their lives. Because not only do they shop, gossip and bitch with you, but somewhere beneath the mix-bag of goodies, they have single STRAIGHT, male friends. That’s how she met Tom. He was a friend of her gay friend. She of course assumed that Tom was gay when they initially met, not because of his impeccable dress sense, or the fact that he was hanging out with a mix bag of people, but because he was just so goddamn friendly and nice. She was corrected the night she spun around at the bar to his lips planting on hers. She hesitated and asked ‘I thought you were gay?’ he laughed, shrugged it off and the rest of the night was history. So according to her fantastic, new, untapped resource, she had to find a Mr. Nice Guy for me. Whatever tickled her bits. What was there to lose? The least I could gain was another cheeky chapter. So off Cupid Girl and I went, into the

dungeon of penis’s, testosterone and a sweaty dance floor of love. After being sexy sandwiched by some Pricilla’s and Lady Gaga’s, Ash had disappeared. I was left lonesome, hip grinding to ‘I Want Candy’. More like ‘I Want a Burger.’ I had the drunken munchies and was ready to bounce. There were enough balls in the building to make this happen. Ash came racing back, grabbed my hand and left. That night she failed to mention something. His name was Luke. Luke met Ash at the bar whilst I was sinking beneath aromas of musky cologne. She passed him my number, pointed towards my direction and grabbed my hand, before leaving. Fortunately, he got a quick glimpse of what I looked like, so it wasn’t that awkward blind date where you end up smiling at every lady, man, cat and grandma that walk through the door. It was a warm summer night, so Luke suggested that we meet under the big smiley Luna Park face, in St Kilda. And that’s exactly what we did. Now I

don’t generally ever do this, because it goes against all my rules, but when I saw him that night, I knew I was going to bone him before the sun came up. It was the sexual chemistry. As soon as he kissed me on the cheek, my downstairs was climbing upstairs to reach him. We found a cute, little bar, sat down and began knocking back cocktails. We began with the basics/interview questions/the warm-up. We moved quickly into third date questions, ‘have you ever used sex toys?’ It was cheeky, but fun. I enjoyed it. We touched a lot. There were some playful footsies under the table, hair flicking and a few lip licks. However, it wasn’t until I was in the bathroom that I realised the lip licking had spread my lipstick, so that I looked like Ronald McDonald. That or chafe. After hours of hilarious conversation, we called it a night. He held my hand, then placed the other against the side of my neck, as he leant in to kiss me on the lips. Why did it have to end so soon? He walked me to my car and there I said it; ‘would you like to come back to mine?’ Never done it. But it felt good. We walked inside. He stripped me down naked and began caressing my boobs, whilst softly running his hands through my hair and kissing me. He picked me up, as I directed him to my bedroom. My legs were wrapped around him. I could feel his willy getting hard inside his pants. He threw me down onto the bed and took his clothes off. Before he entered inside of me, he whispered ‘stay still’. I was a little taken back. What was I waiting for? Some mass dildo to be pulled out his pocket? Why did I need to stay still? ‘I am going to make love to you in your baby hole.’ He says.

stick it in my mouth and start calling it my ear hole. But what the actual fuck anyway? You can’t stick ‘baby’ and ‘sex’ in the same sentence as someone you have just met. It should have occurred to me that he was a little odd when we were walking out of the bar and he started singing, ‘get on it, flaunt it, show us what your momma gave you.’ I laughed it off with a little bum wiggle (don’t ask). In response to his baby-making hole comment, I said something along the lines of, ‘dude that was odd.’ He couldn’t understand how. He thought he had offended me by calling me loose, so assured me that I was as tight as a butthole. It was all getting too much. Long story short, he was out of there before his penis even had the chance to explore my baby-making hole. I wanted to give him a second chance, but it was too hard once my friends had named him ‘Baby Bunting’. So, talking dirty became the topic of discussion. Talking dirty is fine, sometimes great. It heightens the excitement of the moment and avoids any awkward silences, if the receiver is being a little too quiet. The last thing you want to hear is the sound of your downstairs juices combining. So spicing the moment up is great! However, don’t go saying any weird shit. Guys, if you haven’t heard it in mainstream pornography, then it’s not okay. Even pornography pushes the boundaries in talking dirty. Keep it cheeky and flirty. Ladies, maybe watch some porn to understand what guys like hearing and then tone it down a notch, so you don’t sound like some fake boob, bimbo that loves drowning herself in male ejaculation. Until next time.

‘You’re what?’ I responded. ‘I want to thrust my hard cock deep inside your glory hole.’ He repeats. The last time I checked, baby hole and glory hole were two different holes mate. Next he will be trying to 55

JOIN THE CONVERSATION TWITTER / @BLAIRE_MAGAZINE FACEBOOK / FACEBOOK.COM/BLAIREMAGAZINE INSTAGRAM / @BLAIREMAGAZINE WWW.BLAIREMAGAZINE.COM