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OCTOBER 2014 EMILY EATON EDITOR SARAH LONG CREATIVE DIRECTOR DAVE LEE ASSISTANT EDITOR NICOLE MCMAHON ADVERTISING / MARKETING EDITORIAL CONTRUBITIONS: MONICA JANKOWSKI MUSIC BENNY THOMPSON MUSIC NICHOLAS IVANOVIC FILM MITCHELL PASCOE SPORT TORY PRICE FASHION MIA FRANCISCO LIFE TOM BENSLEY LIFE SPENCER HADLOW LIFE ISABELLA VAN SCHAIK LIFE PHOTOGRAPHIC CONTRBUTIONS: TOM MORPHETT FEATURING: NEW FOUND GLORY, PEKING DUK, WILLOW BEATS, CELIA, BRETT MALLETT, SIRENS SURF, THE WANDERERS CO FASHION SPONSORED BY OZ APPAREL ENQUIRIES / SUBMISSION / ADVERTISING: SARAH@BLAIREMAGAZINE.COM ABN: 62359130068 BLAIRE MAGAZINE IS AN AUSTRALIANBASED INTERACTIVE PUBLICATION DEDICATED TO THE ARTS AND ENTERTAINMENT. LAUNCHED IN 2012 AS A BLOG PROJECT, BLAIRE’S INITIAL SUCCESS RAISED BIG INTERVIEW AND PRESS OPPORTUNITIES, ALLOWING FOR A RELAUNCH IN MAY 2013.

WWW.BLAIREMAGAZINE.COM

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TOM MORPHETT PHOTOGRAPHY

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30. BRETT MALLETT PHOTOGRAPHY

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CONTENTS 06

SIRENS SURF

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PEKING DUK

18 NFG 24

WTF IS OUR GENERATION ABOUT ANYWAY?

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WILLOW BEATS

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MUSIC REVIEWS

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PHOTOGRAPHY / BRETT MALLETT

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WORLD STAGE SKELETONS

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FASHION / THE WANDERERS CO

48 BOND 51

FILM REVIEWS

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ART / CELIA

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GENETICALLY MODIFIED CONSEQUENCES

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POLICE BRUTALITY

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THE CASE OF THE EX 5

CHARITY / Sarah Long

We chatted to Jess from Sirens Surf who explained to us how domestic violence is extremely common in Australia, and how she has helped many women battling this problem through surfing and support.

Hey Jess how are you?

Great thank you! Always travelling! It would be nice to get some roots down at some point, but I’m sure that will happen.

So where are you at the moment?

I’m currently in Scotland, Soaking up the cold autumn waves and visiting my dad in the heart of the highlands. Just about to jump on a plane back to beautiful Byron Bay! What project are you currently working on with Sirens?

I’ve just finished a beautiful women’s surf, health and wellbeing day at Sennen Cove in Cornwall, UK. We collaborated with an amazing organisation called The Suzie Project, which works with domestic abuse victims. So we are in contact with them looking to work on organising some more days for the women and girls next spring in the UK. We are currently looking at funding and other organisations that might want to connect. I’m on my way back to Australia to try and connect with similar organisations over there. The day we ran there last May with Assist A Sista was so successful. I’ve had a couple of girls here in the UK that are not in education or training, and/or going through rehab that I’d like to raise funds for to get them through their surf coaching qualifications. I’m looking at running some surf, health and wellbeing retreats in Aus and the UK next year where some of the profits go towards our charity work.

Tell us, where did Sirens stem from? What developed this idea?

Growing up in a very rural part of the UK with a single mother of three who has suffered from health issues her whole life and a dad living at the other side of the country, I didn’t necessarily have the support that I would have hoped for, as many young girls also don’t. I began to slip at school and also having dyslexia to deal with was tough. I felt let down by school and other authorities, spinning into a downward spiral. Luckily, against the odds I found surfing. Experiencing the set backs and intimidation of being a girl in a male dominated 6

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THE AIM WAS TO INSPIRE AND EMPOWER WOMEN AND GIRLS THROUGH THE OCEAN AND EACH OTHER.

sport, no money for transport and equipment etc, was tough. I was determined and persistent, and before I knew it, it had become my life, my grades improved and going onto college I felt better than ever. Experiencing the wonderful health benefits and new friends I began to make.

Boredom was certainly no longer an issue, which you see often as a contributing factor to trouble amongst youths in rural areas.

After leaving college I went traveling and surfing for a year then came back to get my surf coach award. I also became a part-time youth worker as I felt a connection with a lot of the young people I was working with. Sirens began to develop, I wanted to break down the barriers I had experienced – lack of support and money and the feeling intimidated – by creating a supportive all-female group, that was funded, fun and friendly. The aim was to inspire and empower women and girls through the ocean and each other.

How does finding a connection with the ocean help to heal a lot of women?

Firstly and most obviously is the health benefit and the connection between health and mental wellbeing. It also breaks down barriers, as people are all equal in the sea, it’s no longer about looks or clothes, we are all just laughing and having a good time together. It is also a place to get away from everything, people that have been through a lot will often have a lot on their mind, they are constantly dealing with different authorities, schools, health workers, careers, etc. This is a place to forget for a while – there are no judgements within Sirens. This can give a new perspective and can also have more benefits than imagined.

Where do Sirens classes/groups currently exist?

At the moment in Cornwall and Byron Bay. But watch this space!

Are you planning on taking something like this globally?

Absolutely! I’m already talking with people about collaborations with organisations such as Wahine on Waves and Ground Swell CIC in New Zealand, France, Bali, the south Pacific, Hawaii and other areas in Australia! Although I see this as a life-time project, I also don’t see any area or place not benefiting from Sirens at some point!

From what I’ve gathered, you work closely with other organizations and charities for women in need of support. Can you see this further expanding to women with eating/mental disorders as well?

For sure! We have worked in these areas, however, not specifically. Perhaps in the future breaking groups down into specific areas would be a great thing to do, I know One Wave do some amazing things with mental health, perhaps we could link up!

Domestic violence is something that is very much on the forefront of western society, as organisations continue to create awareness, but what can we do for women in other parts of the world who are dictated by their religion?

If there is one thing I have learnt from all my travels it is that even if something all around you is seen as socially okay, it doesn’t mean it is, or it is for you.

Never feel alone if you feel something isn’t right, and if everyone around you is telling you it is okay – find someone to talk to. I’m trying to grow and develop Sirens on the internet so women everywhere can connect, if we can’t help I’m sure we can help find organisations in your area that can.

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Why do certain women continue to fall into the same pattern of being domestically violated within relationships?

To be honest I don’t feel well-equipped to answer this question, as I’m sure there are many factors that contribute to this. However, I can say that working with the women that have, I know how much their self-esteem and confidence have been battered, and this can definitely contribute to this pattern, as they begin to feel that the little bit of love they get is worth the violence or that they even deserve it. Sirens helps to build confidence. Our aim is to empower and inspire. Creating a supportive environment to challenge oneself gives a real sense of achievement, which can translate into confidence that can be taken into other aspects in life.

If you could say something to them right now, what would it be?

Reach out and communicate – there are people out there that understand and can help even if they are not anywhere obvious to be seen. Through the internet, and independent media like you at Blaire!

Where can women reach out to you?

The best way would be through the Internet, we have a business Facebook page: Sirens Surf, an instagram @SirensatByron or you can send us an email at sirens.surf.sport@gmail.com Besides Sirens, what has been the one thing that has saved you from your past?

Sirens has been an amazing journey for me, I have learnt a lot about myself and how much passion and perseverance can help you achieve and overcome barriers. Surfing itself has been a massive thing in my life, keeping healthy and learning about health can really help you feel like you can take on anything.

And of course being creative, especially for me that’s been music.

Any last words for Blaire Magazine?

I really think independent media is the way forward for social change. It brings together people where perhaps the mainstream way of living and thinking hasn’t quite left them in the best place, full of questions or perhaps a little alone in the world. So thanks for doing what you do and letting me have a space in your mag.

SARAH LONG

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I HAVE LEARNT A LOT ABOUT MYSELF AND HOW MUCH PASSION AND PERSEVERANCE CAN HELP YOU ACHIEVE AND OVERCOME BARRIERS.

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Peking Duk are absolutely killing at the moment with their most recent track ‘Take Me Over’. We were lucky enough to steal some time from them just to find out what they have in store for the their coming tour, and how they balance work and partying.

Hey Adam, how are you?

Good dude, how about you?

I’m great man. You guys have smashed it since you released that Passion Pit remix a few years back, you tour constantly and bang out singles left, right and centre. Do you ever stop working?

We really don’t man! Right now we’re working on a bunch of demos for the album, so right now is proper studio work time. But it’s funny, when we’re not touring we’re still partying, so it’s sort of like we’ve had to learn how to balance studio and party. And we have, quite well, over the course of our career. So far it’s all good! But right now we are heavily in work mode. It’s good, we’re feeling focused.

Awesome man, that’s good to hear.

Anyone who keeps up with you guys on social media will know you’re pretty heavily engaged with your audience, which is always nice. And you guys always look like you’re having a shitload of fun too. Are they both important elements of what you guys do as an outfit?

Man, there are a lot of people out there, especially in the dance industry, if that’s what you want to call it, that take themselves very seriously. Which we think is hilarious. I don’t know man, we just try to have fun with it all, we try not to take ourselves too seriously and we just want everyone to have a good time. We both naturally try to make the best of any situation; it’s a better day if you’ve got a smile on your face rather than a frown, for sure That’s lovely dude. I’ve been keeping up with you guys for a little while, and a little while ago you tweeted 12

Virgin Australia about some peking duck pancakes, to which they actually responded and I have to ask you – did you ever get your pancakes at the Virgin Bar? Nah man, we didn’t in the end! We were cut! We actually asked one of the girls there and she was like, ‘Whaaaaaaat?’ But to be fair on Virgin we were on a pretty early morning flight and I’m not sure if they make peking duck pancakes at that time of the morning. It got real though, we just started throwing peanuts over the counter and shit, throwing cola in their face. [laughs] We actually have mad love for Virgin.

Yeah, I thought it was cool they got back to you and made a bit of an effort.

Every time we tweet them they hit us back. The day we released ‘High’ we tweeted them and said some stupid shit and they replied and they were like, ‘Yes! We love Peking Duk! High in the sky!’ We were like, ‘What the fuck? How do you know that shit?’

But they also actually approached us to do some music stuff with them. I won’t go into it, but we’ll see if we can make that work, so big shout out to Virgin, they’re really cool people.

Cool man. I also saw through social media that you guys got to hang out with Steve-O recently. What did you get up to with that madman?

Man, that shit was hilarious. We were in Adelaide really early in the morning and we were hungover as fuck. We were going through security [at the airport], and one of the security guards recognised us.

He was like, ‘Hey, Peking Duk, you guys are awesome!’ And we were like, ‘Thank you so much dude, thank you.’

Then he goes, ‘Yo guys, Steve-O just

PEKING

G DUK

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came through the screening, so keep an eye out for him.’ And we were like, ‘Fuck yeah!’

So as we’re walking up to the lounge I looked at Ruben and was like, ‘Dude, Steve-O must be in the lounge right now.’ And Ruben’s like, ‘Yeah, definitely. What do you think he’ll be doing when we walk in?’ And I was like, ‘Probably something fucked up.’

We walk in, and no shit, they have these TV screens on the wall, and Steve-O is staring at one of them from like a centimetre away from it. Like he’s just staring blankly into it. I was like, ‘Holy shit, that’s classic Steve-O man! What is he doing?’ And he was wearing these weird headphone things that looked like hearing aids.

So we just sat down, had a coffee or whatever, and he’s sitting over the other end of the room. I went over to make a sandwich and one of his homeboys was doing the same. I just started to talk a bit of shit with him, I think we were both hungover or something, and I was like, ‘You’re with Steve right?’ And he was like, ‘Yeah dude’. He seemed pretty legit. I went back and sat down with Ruben and was like, ‘We have to get a photo with Steve-O man!’ So we walk over and we’re like, ‘Steve-O dude, we love you, can we get a photo?’ And he’s like, ‘Yeah! C’mon man! Come on over here you mother fuckers!’

The weirdest part was, he stood up, put his arms around us and we were standing there, our photographer was just getting his camera ready and Steve sort of just takes his arms off us and walks over next to our photographer and starts talking to us, but we still haven’t taken the photo yet. It was just a strange situation; the photographer didn’t know what to do. But we had a bit of a chat with him. He was a really, really nice guy, but we we’re having this chat with him while our photographer was just standing there waiting to take the photo, it was like this awkward limbo. Eventually he sort of grabbed us again and we took the shot. When we were on the plane he was sitting in the seat behind us, and the whole plane ride all you could here was that dudes fuckin’ laugh.

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Dude, your impression of him was fucking amazing! I wish people reading got to hear that too.

Dude, that’s exactly what he sounds like in real life. And all he was doing was pissing himself. It was the best.

That’s sick. Sounds like he didn’t disappoint. You guys have been throwing some singles our way recently. With all these trcks bouncing around, are they leading up to something?

Yeah man, definitely. We’re not too sure if we will actually be putting these singles on the album, which we are working on the very early stages of at the moment. We’re working on a lot of music constantly. We just like to try and filter out the shit and only put out music that we like and what we will enjoy playing and what fans will enjoy hearing. At the moment it does sort of feel like we’re just putting them out one by one, but we have a shitload of music we’re sitting on at the moment trying to figure out which way we’re going to take it all and what kind of vision we’re looking for. It’s exciting times man, very exciting.

Sounds like it. As I said before, you guys tour constantly as well. Who are some of your favourite artists to play alongside when you go out and tour?

Man, Rufus are great people, they’re like family to us. Every time we play with them, or even just hang out with them, it tends to be the wildest night of all our lives. Benson, from Melbourne, that’s family right there.

LDRU, The Kite String Tangle, there’s too many to name. ‘Cause we did Groovin’ The Moo and Splendour and Big Day Out, we’ve had the chance to hang out with a lot of dudes in the Australian scene. It’s great with these festivals, hip hop acts are hanging out with electronic acts and rock acts and there’s no lines segregating anyone, everyone’s all cool with each other.

On that note, Illy and Thundamentals, they’re great to perform with too, we love those dudes. Violent Soho.

Everyone in the Aussie hip hop scene, every single one of them is a fucking

champion. I really don’t have anything bad to say about anyone, it’s all love.

That’s awesome man. Now, you guys both come from a pretty solid musical background, and I have to say I always notice a level of genuine musicality to your music. The drum tracks aren’t just loops, they’re written for the song, and there’s always nice progressions and counter melodies. Was that something you guys focused on, making electronic music a bit more musical, because I find it sometimes gets overlooked in dance music?

Dude, thank you, that’s a big compliment, I appreciate that. I don’t know man, I was in a few bands, Ruben was in an indie band called Rubycon, that was doing really well. Ruben is a very, very musical person. Me, I’m very rhythm orientated. I used to play drums so I love rhythm more than anything. Ruben’s really good with rhythm too but he’s also very melodic. He’s great with his chords and harmonies and shit. So I think together we balance each other out quite well. And from where we started, which was very basic trashy-electro-dance music that you only ever listen to in a dark club, we’re really trying to take it somewhere different. Somewhere that’s not really club music. It’s got melody, it’s got rhythm, it’s got soul. It’s music that you can actually feel a bit of emotion too. And with that album that’s definitely what we’re going to be doing. There will be rap beats on it, there will be rock songs on it, there will be dance music on it, there will be poppy type shit on it, that’s what we’re trying to do. We want to have a lot of depth to our stuff. But thank you for that compliment, it really means a lot.

You’re very welcome dude. Alright man, before our time is up lets do some quick fire questions. If you could have a super power, what would it be?

Man, that is a really good question.

Okay – just to make everyone in the world happy, and just to make myself as happy as can be.

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I like the fact you took your power seriously. With great power comes great responsibility man! [laughs] That’s it man!

If you could play with three artists from any point in history, who would they be?

Again, solid question! I’d have to put The Strokes in there, on Ruben’s behalf. I came up on punk and metal, Ruben came up on indie. I’d have to pick Megadeath, simply for Dave Mustaine’s guitar skills. And the last band would be Tommy James & the Shondells. I’ve actually only got like four of their songs, but one of them is sexy as fuck so I’m going to have to go with that.

If there was one musical act or musical trend you could erase, what would it be?

You know what, if there was any trend that I could remove it would be any trend. And trend is just fucking stupid, cause the bubble is going to pop at some point. I think everyone needs to look at music in a different way, I think people should just respect everything for what it is. You know, people hate on genres, they’re like, ‘Man, I fucking hate dubstep,’ or, ‘I hate trap’ and I’m always like, ‘no you don’t, there’s good and there’s bad in everything.’

There’s good music that may be a trappy sort of sound, then there’s trap songs that are shit. There’s dubstep songs that are good, there’s dubstep songs that suck. Its like, you can’t hate on a whole thing just because you don’t like some examples. And that’s what I mean about trends. You can’t just love something because it’s a trend, you’ve got to love it for what it is, not for what it’s about, you know?

Shit gets stupid and overdone, so if I could erase any trend it would be the concept of trends.

Fuck yeah man. Have you got any advice for young musicians, especially guys like yourselves, who want to do it for the love of it rather than to be rich and famous?

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Man, you just answered that question yourself. My advice would be do shit that you love, work hard, stay focused.

That’s really the main thing I guess.

Don’t stop working on music you love, never work on something because it’s a trend or it’s hot right now because that shit is going to pass. Do what you love and what feels right to you, and work hard on it. The more you do you the more momentum you will start to see happening. Network, talk to people you look up to. Ask your friends for their opinion, they don’t even have to be musicians. If you want to progress, learning how to take feedback and use it is really important. Bounce your ideas off people. But yeah, most importantly do what you love.

The last word of this interview is up to you Adam, is there anything you’d like to say to our readers?

Dear readers. Stay sexy. Stay sweaty.

But most of all, be happy. Big hugs and love from the boys.

BENNY THOMPSON

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NEW FOUND GLORY 18

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These guys have been pop punk royalty for more than 15 years. They were and still are, the soundtrack to our generation. And we were lucky enough to chat to Jordan in the wake of their 8th album, Resurrection.

Man, I’m so excited to talk to you. I don’t want to get all fanboy, but if 16 year-old me knew I was going to be doing this interview he’d be losing his mind. I’ve been a fan of you guys for a long time.

Yeah man! Thank you!

You guys have been pop punk royalty for more than 15 years, you’re about to release your 8th studio album, you’ve toured the world a million times, played with some of the best bands in the biz and you’ve even acquired yourselves the nickname ‘The Godfathers of Pop Punk’. Lots of people credit pop punk, as we know it today, to you guys. So what drives New Found Glory? What keeps you guys going?

The Biggest thing is that people continue to support us as a band, no matter what we’re going through, so the biggest thing is the fans that drive us to keep going. The fact that we can still come to places like Australia and sell big shows and play big festivals like Soundwave. The fact that people still give enough of a damn to see shows and buy records, that means the world, you know?

Yeah, absolutely man. What have been your main influences as a band, both in terms of other music and the world around you?

Honestly, with our music, we’ve always been a band who are about experience.

What’s happening with each of our lives, I mean we’ve been together for so long and we were friends before the band. So that, and also seeing the bands that we grew up listening to. And we got to then tour with some of them and really see how they treat their band, and treat their fans, and Greenday is a perfect example. We did two tours with them, one of them was pretty much a world tour. It was for their biggest record, American Idiot, and when that tour first started, we were playing arenas and it was only half sold-out, but towards the middle of that tour shows kept getting bigger and songs on the record just kept getting more play and more play, yet they were still the most down to earth, ‘wanna hang out’ kind of guys, even at the height of their come back.

Yeah, totally. With that in mind, has there been anything that you’ve really wanted to achieve as a band, and have you?

Yeah, well just to get the hell out of Florida. [laughs] And we achieved that. I mean, just to play anywhere outside of Miami, you had to drive like 10 hours to get out of the state. So for us to get out of there and play up and down the east coast, then start making our way towards the west, that was a big achievement. Anything else after that, like touring with Greenday or touring with Blink 182, the countries we’ve been to, they’re all part of a massive bonus package. I think another big thing was to not have to rely on working a 9-5 job.

We got in the van and just went, you know.

I totally feel you man. You guys will be down here for Soundwave Festival next year, and you guys are familiar to Soundwave, are you looking forward to coming down in 2015?

Oh yeah! I think for me, why we love coming to Australia is just the fans. I think they just appreciate it, a lot more. In the States its like, we do a gig here, if people can’t see us, it’s fine, they’ll see us on another tour in a few months, but I think in Australia our fans really want to go off harder, because they only get to see us maybe once every record.

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On that note, you will actually have your new record Resurrection, to show off when you’re down here. I got to have a sneak peek at it and it’s fuckin’ awesome man. I’m super excited to see it live, are you guys excited to show it off?

Yeah! Whenever we do a new record I always get a bit anxious. I want to know what the opinion of the people is on the record. Obviously there’s part of it we do for ourselves but the majority of the work we do, we do for the fans. I always try and cherish what people think. But I haven’t really heard much feedback because no one has the record yet!

How was making the album this time around?

Oh man, it was like the easiest process this time around. We had the majority of the songs done before we even went into the studio. It was a really cool experience, knowing we were going to commit to a four-piece band after being a five piece for so long, committing to only using one guitar. We tried to make sure the riffs were really catchy using the vocal melody to compliment the guitar riff as much as possible, and we just really wanted to focus on that, and before we were recording I’d go over to Chad’s place once a week. He lives in Los Angeles and I live in San Diego, so I’d commute up there to his place and we’d just sit at the table and record demos, talked about the focus of the record, and what we wanted to say and it just all kind of came to fruition before we even went into the studio. So the process of actually being in the studio was really good and really fun.

Nice one! Okay, so this is a kind of personal question, around the era of Catalyst you guys dipped into a little bit more of a hardcore influence and pushed the album to a bit of a harder and heavier place, and I heard that it was because at the time you guys were getting compared to bands like Good Charlotte and Simple Plan, and you really wanted to separate yourselves from that kind of shitty pop scene. Can you confirm or deny this for me?

Yeah. That definitely was a factor that pushed us in that direction. Nothing against those guys, we’re friends with a bunch of those bands, not seriously but, whatever. But at the time we’d worked so hard to be where we were, and then there was bands that kind of came out of nowhere and we felt were so-so.

For us, being a band that started in the hardcore scene, and our first tours were opening for hardcore bands and we just kind of wanted to make a statement.

Just like, ‘Hey, this is where we come from and who we are, we’re not that other thing that you’re comparing us to.’

Do you think pop punk has changed since you were essentially inventing it late 90’s and 2000’s?

Yeah, I definitely think it’s changed. And that’s what’s cool about it, is that it’s always going to evolve and change and at the same time revert to back to where it was, if that makes sense. I listen to bands now who are guys trying to do this kind of genre, one of them is The Wonder Years, but when I listen to them, when I hear their guitar tones or lyrics, it reminds me of punk bands that were even before New Found Glory. So I think it’s a really cool thing when bands can have their own sound but revive something old, you know?

Totally dude, who ever said punk was dead? One of our favourite things ask about when talking to bands is their favourite tour story. Have you got a particular favourite tour story that comes to mind?

Man, there’s so many. I guess my favourite tour story would have to be when we were doing this thing called the Honda Civic Tour and it was one of the bigger tours we’ve ever done, it was during the tail end of Sticks And Stones and the majority of the tour was arenas and stuff, and it was the first time we’d 20

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headlined the tour. And we had some bands that we sort of wanted to return the favour of opening up for them, like we had Less Than Jake on one half and then MXPX on the other half. And during the tour, Less Than Jake’s dressing room had turned into like this crazy brothel/party lair, with disco balls and like a giant PA system, and strobe lights and all this crazy stuff. And after shows it would be like alright down to their dressing room and they’d start up like this little nightclub. And it was so fun, so much… debauchery, you know? [laughs] It kind of taught us the art of after-show partying. It’s not like we’re crazy, like doing hard drugs, but we have fun. But they really showed us how to party. So from then on, when we opened up for Greenday and those kind of bands, we sort of carried the torch. If we were the opening band we were the party band.

And we had a nickname for the little dressing room club we had going on, and every night Tre Cool would give us a stack of after-show passes to give out to come hang at our club. And we inherited a disco ball, and strobe and PA, and we’d just blast like shitty hip hop or hardcore or punk rock or whatever.

So what you’re trying to say is, if you’re trying to pick a support band, Less Than Jake are a really good one if you want to learn how to party?

Fuck yeah. [laughs] Duly noted. Alright dude, some nice quick ones before I’m out of time. If you could have a super power, what would it be?

I’d probably pick the ability to fly. That would be cool, then I wouldn’t have to get on airplanes anymore. Or teleportation actually, that would be sick.

I agree. If you could change the world in one way, be it really big or really small, what would it be?

I think for me a big thing is to not consume so much. And trying not to live beyond your means.

Nice. If you could play with any three bands from any point in history, who would they be?

I would love to be a member of My Bloody Valentine. Or be a fuckin’ backup singer for Prince. [laughs].

On the flipside to that, if you could erase one musical act from history, who would it be? [laughs] Oh shit, this is a hard one. I’d say fuckin’ Milli Vanilli.

Given that you guys really made yourself as a band, and didn’t get any handouts along the way, have you got any advice for musicians trying to make it?

Yeah, just what you’re saying man. Try not to be an asshole, and don’t take anything for granted, and know it could all be over in a second. With that in the back of your mind, be good to your people, and be good to your fans and I think you will have benefits from that. Set an example. I guess you always hear the opposite side to that, like ‘nice guys finish last’, and maybe we could be a bigger band if I was a prick. [laughs] But I’m not, so whatever.

Well, I think we’re actually all grateful of that dude. Jordan, it’s been a pleasure to talk to you, and it’s really exciting to have you come back next year. We’ll see you at soundwave, but for now, I’ll give you the last word.

I just want to always reiterate the fact that we’ve come this far because of the people that support our band and to me that means everthing.

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WHAT THE FUCK IS OUR GENERATION ABOUT ANYWAY? Maybe it’s time to put down our phones, dust off our complacency, and lead by example.

A hell of a lot has changed in the last quarter of a century. The world seems to get more disorganised and less friendly every day, and our generation is reaching a really precarious time where we actually start to matter.

That can be frustrating, especially if you feel like you have a lot to say and you’re still too young for anyone to listen. Regardless, I feel like the idea of being an adult is something that isn’t so foreign anymore. But while the whole concept is becoming easier to understand, I’m not necessarily sure I’m happy about it. And I’m not sure if I can actually do anything about it either. I’m starting to wonder if the idea of being an adult and the drain of what it represents to us is one of the reasons we all start to be come jaded and complacent in the first place.

The deeper into my twenties I get, the more I start to understand expressions that meant nothing to me as a kid. The phrase ‘ignorance is bliss’ started to make more and more sense with every scary piece of information I learned about the world and how it works. It seems like a lot of peo24

ple I know are becoming unsettled, disenfranchised or sometimes even depressed the more they teach themselves about how the world really is.

I find it hard to balance myself sometimes. The world is a fucking negative place, and that’s sometimes hard to dismiss when it seems to be jammed down your throat by every media organisation, social media outlet, and politicians that surrounds you. The more you see the facts, the more the world is built to get you down, and the harder it is to not let it get to you, to a point where I sometimes envy my mates who only think about footy and couldn’t give a shit about any worldly issues, and just live in their happy little bubble. I envy them, even though that’s exactly what I didn’t want to be when I was deciding the course of my life, because their ignorance will save them a bit of heartache in the course of their lives.

I keep trying to tell myself we came along at a good time. We got to be kids in the 90’s, ride skateboards and BMX’s on the weekend, go to school and have a big group discussion

about the dope episode of Pokemon that you know everyone had watched 20 minutes before you all arrived.

We got to go to the Cinema in a big group when it was your friend’s birthday and see the latest Mighty Ducks, or Jurassic Park or Batman, and not know a goddamn thing about the story lines before we walked in. We got to be kids that thrived on being kids.

We also got to know the internet when we were hitting our teen years.

That meant we could spend night after night of high school on MSN, and you probably met someone on Myspace that you’re still friends with to this day. We hit the jackpot when it came to balance. We got to be real kids but we still got to be at the forefront of the tech movement. The Internet is both a wonderful and a terrifying thing.

I think our ability to use it to communicate is going to be such an important part of our future as a species.

Shit, the fact you’re reading this is proof of that. But with that in mind, we also need to remind ourselves

sometimes that we are not digital beings. It’s very hard to have a real conversation with someone through a screen of any format. And the less and less we communicate face to face, quite frankly, the shitter we seem to be getting at it.

I’m not suggesting we dismiss and ignore the technology around us, I’m just saying that maybe it’s not the worst idea to sometimes put our phones down and dust off our skateboards. We invest so much of ourselves into our Instagram account that we forget that life isn’t about ‘Likes’, goddamn it! I think it makes it really had to find satisfaction in ourselves when we become so used to having things gratified online.

The biggest advantage the Internet has given us (especially over the generations that came before us) is our ability to share information instantly. We have “in jokes” that our entire generation understands.

It connects us in a way that is really unmatched. This may mean we’re not easily fooled, but it also means we’re not easily pleased, and that’s not the nicest trait to have widespread. The harder we are to please, the more self-righteous we become. As hard as it is to fathom sometimes, lots of

people have stuff to say. Everyone wants to have his or her voice heard.

The more self-righteous those voices become the harder it is to actually tell anyone anything. If you’re smart and have something to say, but you can’t actually get your message across to anyone because of how you deliver it, then perhaps you’re not as smart as you thought you were after all.

We can’t get arrogant with what we “know”. When our battery dies or the cable drops out, none of us are really that smart anymore.

I don’t want to sound like I’m beating our generation up. We’re really great at a lot of things. We are very open and accepting of people. We don’t have nearly the prevalence of things like homophobia or racism that was very common for our parents. We’re also very good at recognising injustice and shining a light on it, which is also really wonderful.

I feel like it’s not just me who is really starting to realise that being an adult is intimidating when the generation above us, who currently call the shots, don’t seem to have the same ideas on issues as we do. We all just need to make sure we hold onto those ideals, because it wont be that long until

we do actually get to run things. And whilst I’m not encouraging people not to listen to their parents or bosses, take everything that older generations have to say about us with a grain of salt. There are lots of political and social powers who would love us all to become jaded and complacent and stop caring about things, succumb to money, and pander our own lives towards “comfort”, the same way every other generation before us has.

Systems are in place to make us slowly turn us into dicks without us even realizing. If we don’t compromise what we understand to be true, and we make sure we communicate the things that are important, there is no reason that becoming adults needs to be intimating for us.

We could be the first generation of adults ever that didn’t suck. The first generation of adults that looked after the planet more than they fucked it up. Who gave more money to families and people, than to military causes.

We could be the first generation of adults who didn’t take themselves too seriously, or have to resort to blaming the last generation for their problems.

Am I the only person who really wants to change the world?

BENNY THOMPSON

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It is common to hear of a brother and sister, or other sibling formation, starting a band together. But it’s not often you hear of an uncle-niece combo doing so. Willow Beats are just that – an uncle-niece duo creating music together - and are making waves in the Aussie music scene. Kalyani and Narayana have just released their EP Water, and we can’t get enough. Narayana chats to us about all things ‘druid-y’ and tells us who gets the last word in an argument.

How did Willow Beats come about?

Kalyani is my niece and we’ve always been really close. We’ve even lived together before. I was studying guitar at university and in my second semester I broke my wrist and I needed to find another creative outlet. That’s when I turned to electronic music. I bought some speakers and a microphone and started working on a tune. Kalyani was hanging around the house and so I got her to sing something over the top of it. She improvised a few lines and then we chopped them up and used them. We created a song we were both really happy with. From there we were just like, ‘This is really cool. Let’s keep doing it.

Let’s keep making songs.’ So yeah, that was our beginning.

You are an uncle-niece duo. Does that get awkward when it comes to things like making decisions about songs or video clips?

We both generally think along the same lines. I mean there are obviously times when we disagree about stuff. But surprisingly, we often think the same things and make the same calls.

Do you always get the last word though, being the uncle and all? [laughs] No not necessarily. I think we both share the decisions pretty equally.

Who inspires you guys in terms of what you want to achieve in the future?

I think that Flume is a pretty undeniably an amazing success story. I’m pretty inspired by him. When I watch his videos and interviews and stuff I just can’t help but think about the amazing work ethic he’s got. He just made it happen.

As far a production and all that, there’s heaps of guys I really like. There’s a guy called Spoonbill who’s an Australian producer who I just love. I think he’s amazing.

Do you and Kalyani have similar musical inspirations?

Yes and no. There’s a lot of stuff that we really both like. Like we’re both really into The Knife. There’s a lot of electronic stuff that we both enjoy. Kalyani is also into, I guess you would call it, girl hip-hop? Like she’s into Missy Elliot. That isn’t really my jam so much [laughs] You’ve just released the new EP, Water. What’s your favourite track on there and why?

My favourite track is ‘Ramayana’. We both sing on it, which is cool. It’s one of the only tracks where we both sing. For me, it’s got this eerie vibe about it.

It’s kind of almost alien. Something about it just hits me and makes me feel something.

You’ve just finished a national tour. How did that go and was there any weird or funny moments from the tour you can tell us about?

Well actually, on the last tour, we had this thing. Each day we found two friends.

They would stand on stage, dressed in these wizard cloaks and hold these lamps that we had for our whole set. Kind of like a prop or just something fun that we had. In Sydney, we were staying at some people’s house and there 26

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were two guys there, sitting on the edge of the bed. We didn’t know a lot of people from Sydney, so we just asked them straight-out if they wanted to be our druids and they were keen. Just before we played, one of them was really drunk. Like completely smashed. He was bouncing around on stage the whole night. It was so funny because he was all bouncy and moving around and the other guy was standing completely still. So we had one party animal druid and one actual druid. It was pretty classic.

Had you ever been nervous up on stage and if so, do you still get the nerves when performing?

Yeah I’ve been quite nervous before. When I was younger, I did a classical guitar exam. You basically sit in front of one person and play these songs that you’ve learnt over the last couple of months. You do scales and all that kind of stuff. That was probably the most nervous I’ve ever been and it was just in front of one person. I was way more nervous then, than anytime doing ‘Willow Beats’ stuff. Sometimes I get nervous but I’m pretty good with that kind of thing.

What’s the best part about touring for you?

I really like playing. I love getting up on stage and playing that first song. It’s just like, ‘Wow, this is happening’. On the last tour, the crowds were amazing and the response was incredible. It’s just such a thrill. A natural high. I don’t know if you can get that anywhere else.

Where are you most looking forward to going on the upcoming tour?

To be honest, they are all going to be amazing. I think this tour will be our best one yet. I just have a really good feeling about it. I’m really looking forward to all the shows. But if I had to pick one, the Melbourne show is at a venue called ‘The Toff in Town’ which is like this small, intimate venue. We’ve played there before and it’s just one of my favourite venues. A lot of the other venues, we haven’t played at, so I can’t judge. But this one I know will be really cool.

What’s on your phone wallpaper at the moment?

Honestly, my phone broke but luckily I had insurance. They’ve sent me out a new one and I actually haven’t changed it. I’ve got the stock one which is like a flower. It’s stock but it’s nice.

Three words to describe Willow Beats?

Amazing, awesome, best. Nah. I’m just joking. [laughs] Okay, I need to think about this. I’m going to drop them one at a time. Mystical. Ethereal. But Chunky.

MONICA JANKOWSKI

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MUSIC REVIEWS / Bradley Cowan

Macy Gray / The Way Remember that one time when Macy Gray tried to say goodbye but ended up choking? Well after someone finally gave her a good Heimlich Maneuver she has returned to the music scene with her new record The Way. You may be surprised to hear that this is Gray’s 8th (yes I said 8th) studio album, although your fondest memory of her probably stretches all the way back to 1999.

The album kicks off with a song titled ‘Stoned’ and judging by her scratchy vocals it seems this soulful singer may have had one toke too many. However, despite the amount of inhaling this songstress may have done over the years she still has the ability to get our feet tapping. If you feel like giving Macy Gray another go then we insist you listen to ‘Hands,’ if you can’t admit that this is one very catchy track then perhaps you should consider getting your ears checked…

Weezer / Everything Will Be Alright In The End It makes me nervous when a band that has had such an incredible history of making great music releases a new album. All I want to do is maintain my relationship with a group that has been with me for the duration of my adult life. I would hate for our musical companionship to turn sour after so long. Thank God this album has kept the flame alive.

It’s safe to say that the Weezer of 2014 are just as good as they were back in 2002. If you have ever liked any of the music that Weezer have ever released then it’s safe to say that you will love this album.

‘Back to the Shack’, the leading single from the album is nothing but classic Weezer. A combo of catchy bass and slamming drums create that enthusiastic sound established in 1992 but still relevant in 2014.

SBTRKT / Wonder Where We Land Although the latest release from SBTRKT features the likes of Vampire Weekend’s Ezra Koenig, A$AP Ferg and Warpaint, unfortunately the chemistry created from his past collaborations are of a much higher standard.

It’s as though SBTRKT has gone back into the studio and overthought the position of every tiny little knob on the recording desk which has resulted in a bit of a musical mess. So messy in fact that it’s hard to tell if this album is suitable for a club or for the soundtrack of a futuristic space-film made in the 70’s.

I was unsure what to think when I heard that Ezra Koenig’s vocals would feature on the track ‘New Dorp. New York.’ Strangely, Koenig’s versatility in the voice department seems to complement SBTRKT’s electronic drums and synthesisers to create the stand-out track of the album. Apart from this I would only use Wonder Where We Land as background noise.

Die! Die! Die! / Swim Kiwi duo Die! Die! Die! have reignited their passion for pop punk music with the release of their 5th studio album. If you are unfamiliar with these musical nomads then we would suggest you ease yourself into their style with some of their earlier releases before being thrown into the deep end and expected to ‘Swim’ (see what I did there?) your way back to safety.

It feels as though aspects of this album were directly influenced by fellow New Zealand band The Mint Chicks, but with the volume turned up to a level of distortion.

‘Get Hit’ the first release is certainly not everyone’s cup of tea, but if you enjoy a sweaty mosh pit or the idea of losing a tooth in a circle of death then turn this one up as loud as your stereo will allow.

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BRETT MALLETT

PHOTOGRAPHY

My name is Brett Mallett and this is a little touch on some of the places I have visited. Having travelled to some fifty plus countries in the last eight years of my life, I am now back in Melbourne after well and truly scratching the travel-bug itch. I started travelling in 2006 after being sick of worrying about having a materialistic-driven life and I wanted to see the world and open up my life to new experiences.

I first started with a one-way ticket to London with a four-month stopover in South East Asia where I travelled through Thailand, Laos, Vietnam and Cambodia. I then made my way to England where I lived in London for a while and ended up working in the north for a while before finding a job in Sweden. I ended up living in Stockholm for 18 months.

Upon returning to Australia in 2009, I worked in the coal mines for six months before packing it all in and travelling through Mexico, Cuba, Jamaica, Central America, sailing to South America through the San Blas Islands and Antarctica until mid 2011. I have now just returned to Australia after traveling through Africa and the Middle East for the last year. Contact me on info@bmworldtravel.com for any queries regarding purchasing or travel advice. All of my work is available for purchase via @imogenstone 31

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WORLD STAGE SKELETONS If someone is good at what they do, why does it matter where they stick their dick?

There are very few things that are easy to do on the world stage. Sports stars fumble a ball they would catch a million times over, musicians miss a note they’ve struck numerous times and actors fluff a line they’ve just nailed. High-pressure acts are likely to hold consequences for a career at that level, so why is coming out of the closet a big deal for professional sportspeople?

Now before this politically correct country jumps down my throat, I recognise that the day a person announces themselves as a homosexual to their loved ones, is quite often the scariest and most daunting event they could ever imagine. But these people are all facing this challenge seemingly alone, with only the hope that their family will be able to handle it.

But imagine you had a vocal majority who will support you, a media who will make a good news story of whatever you do, and be remembered as a trailblazer of your time. Sure the argument is that everybody would know, but any 38

announcement will eventually reach the ears of everyone in your life regardless.

So why do our sporting heroes find it so difficult to come to grips with who they really are? To be fair, there are a certain percentage who may not even be sure yet. With the demands of sport stars, and the age they begin intense training at, they haven’t had the normal amount of adolescent time to answer these strange new questions.

Society is screaming for more of these high-profile people to step out of the closet and be proud of who they are, and we are slowly getting a handful of the brave ones raising their hands. The majority of these athletes come from an individual sporting background, with team-based sports having fewer volunteers.

Some find it easier to announce themselves after they have won our hearts over with success, such as diver Mathew Mitcham, who wasn’t a household name until he had a gold medal draped around his neck. I

admit, I know very little about diving, but his final dive off the 10m board was near flawless, it was truly one of Australia’s Olympic highlights. To later find out he was gay had zero impact – he was still the world’s best diver.

Others find it easier in retirement, such as Ian Thorpe. Thorpe accomplished everything he could in the pool and carried a nation’s hopes on his shoulders. That burden however, seemed a breeze compared to the secret which he felt he was forced to keep from a persistent media who wanted Thorpe to be gay for their magazine. He was a young man coming to terms with who he was, and the amazing amount he had achieved in such a short career. It was time that he needed, to prepare himself for the scrutiny, the Ricky Martin rumor that followed, and an attempt at reclaiming his status in the pool.

Football clubs are a different kettle of fish. The comradery, the joking, the banter: all aspects which make showing any form of ‘weakness’ or

difference a very intimidating task. A professional sporting club requires a 100% trust between each of the players, with a locker room which could include a cross section of the community. Our national code is still struggling to successfully incorporate the needs that some of our best indigenous players have, and that is with coaches being prepared.

Gay doesn’t have a place in football yet, with racism and sexism still far from perfect. This isn’t because it’s different, but because it is yet to be addressed. These first few trailblazers don’t exactly know what they’re in for. They will eventually be touted as heroes of their time, but their immediate playing future may suffer because of it.

Fans haven’t been taught how to act. Opposition haven’t learnt which rules must be obeyed. Coaches and teammates haven’t been taught not to discriminate. This isn’t to say that any of these things will happen, but there is no guarantee that they won’t.

Past players have come out and proclaimed that there are gay footballers in the system as we speak, which you would have to be naïve not to have already guessed. Sadly this has made the situation worse, with the accusation only serving as a drop of blood in a tank full of sharks. The nosey, the self-important, and the lazy media feel as though the world needs this story.

That eventual press conference should be as important as a player sitting down and telling the public he prefers girls. The issue is that irrelevant to football, and I’m nearly embarrassed to be writing about it now.

But we are also privileged to be experiencing this shift of movement in our world, and it is definitely in the correct direction. The first few steps have not looked promising for our sporting greats and it is up to us to support their football ability, regardless of sexual preference.

MITCHELL PASCOE 39

ICE We need to educate kids in rural Australia who don’t know how damaging this drug is.

You can scroll through any online news site or flick through any paper (if you’re still buying a hard copy) and find an article talking about the ‘ice epidemic’ effecting Australia’s rural communities. We’ve all heard of it and we should all know what it is. Ice is a highly addictive, highly purified form of amphetamine. It basically looks like nothing more than shards of glass but these little slivers can cause an immense sense of euphoria which has people going back for more. Unfortunately ice also has the dubious honour of being one of the most addictive drugs – which is a problem as long-term use of the drug will quickly lead to heart and brain damage, massive weight loss and dental issues. Think Pennsatucky in Orange is the New Black. You won’t see an ice user winning an award for brightest smile anytime soon.

When you get into the nitty gritty of it, the effects of ice are a lot more horrifying. I remember at school watching a documentary of a woman coming down from ice. She was walking the streets of Sydney with a shopping trolley. Out of her mind she 40

was picking up rubbish off the street and dumping it inside. The reporter advised that she has been in this state for two days straight. I still remember the vacant stare on her face as she stood there in front of the camera.

The social and financial effects are something that is harder to measure.

Ice is expensive and addictive – it’s not long until it becomes your only priority.

This then obviously leads to tension between loved ones and close friends and I can only imagine how devastating it would be to have to sit there and lose your friend to some shards of crystal. Ice users are prone to violent behavior as well and there are heaps of statistics that show a spike in drug-related crime over the last few years. Being so highly addictive also means that ice is hard to quit. The longer that someone is using the drug, the worse the situation will inevitably become.

The effects are well known. The government has released a new ad campaign to try and tackle the ‘ice epidemic’. So why do people

keep taking the drug? And why is there such a concentration in rural areas? The first reason is obviously the effect. Everyone wants a kick of energy and euphoria. Some people get this from alcohol, some people from exercise, some people from skydiving, and then there are the people who get it from drugs. A quick hit and instant gratification. It is understandable to see how that is tempting. Ice is becoming cheaper and easier to manufacturer as well – meaning that more people to have access to it and therefore would be in the position to try it. Unfortunately, being so addictive it means that more people will get hooked. The business model of an ice dealer would be pretty simple I’d imagine; to get them started and watch how they can’t stop themselves from coming back to more. Rural areas come into the equation because ice is generally cheap to make and sell meaning that it is more accessible. County areas do not always have the same quality of drug and alcohol support that metropolitan areas do, making it harder to get off the drug once

you’ve started. The scary part is how young people start taking it. A recent news article had kids as young as 12 using regularly.

So what can we do? The first and most obvious thing – don’t use ice.

Being so hard to quit and a habit that can become so expensive so quickly, you would think that it would not be such an issue. That is why education programs are they key. I know at high school we all used to sigh at another guest speaker talking to us about drugs and alcohol, but it really does provide young people with a good foundation of knowledge so that they can make educated decisions.

Treatment is another key factor. It is easy for us to sit here in Melbourne with all the resources around us.

Addicts in rural areas don’t have that option. Detox clinics are few and far between, so the government need to be proactive about extending services further than just the urban fringe. Ice is bad, ice is messy and

ice is devastating – but the more the community know, the better we will all be in preventing an increasing in young kids in rural Australia losing their life to a few shards of glass.

SPENCER HADLOW

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BEACH CULTURE AND GOOD VIBES. PROVIDING QUALITY THREADS FOR INDIVIDUALS WITH ADVENTURE IN THEIR HEARTS.

‘Make your own path’ is the motto at The Wanderers Co. How did you find your passion for design?

I’ve always had an appreciation for design. I didn’t know that would ever actually eventuate into me creating anything like this. I’m a big advocate for having a go and putting yourself out there. I think my passion for design stems from a passion for learning new things and creating, I love having something new I can figure out and play around with.

How strongly has growing up near the beach influenced the creation of Wanderers?

Beach culture and good vibes are a huge influence on what I’ve been creating.

I just wanted to be able to make something that I would want to wear I guess.

I’ve always been in trouble at old jobs for dressing too casually. So it was just a natural progression to create a role for myself where I could wear what I wanted.

Have I really just done all this so I could wear a tshirt, jeans and vans everyday?

Maybe.

You both design and run wanderers co. How do you balance the creative side with the business side of the label?

I’d be lying if I told you there was any sort of balance, I feel like I’m just constantly trying to keep a whole lot of balls up in the air. Ha, balls.

Unfortunately often the creative parts get much less attention than the business side of things. But hey that’s business I guess. If I want to keep doing what I’m doing then I have to try and sell a couple of things along the way. I’m 42

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lucky to have the support of my friends and family to help out and keep things running smoothly. (Thanks Mum, Megan & Sophie) What is the best thing about working for yourself?

The best and worst thing is that it’s just me. I only have to answer to myself. If I want to drink beers in the morning instead of working, I can. But that generally means the next day I’m answering angry emails with a hangover.

Be honest, exactly how much time do you spend procrastinating on Facebook and Instagram?

Too much! If I log onto Facebook to find a message someone sent me, a half an hour just blows past and I’ve completely forgotten why I’m there.

Social media just sucks up so much time. But it’s such an amazing way to be connected with likeminded people and customers, so I guess it’s just a necessary evil.

Wanderers Co. has only been around for 12 months. What has been some career highlights so far?

Being picked up by stockists has been pretty surreal, this has all come about from absolutely no planning or experience. So any time I get that email or someone asks I’m still a little confused as to why? But who am I to say no.

More than that though, the highlight has to be meeting people that have connected with the brand and seem to understand what it’s about. I’ve met some amazing people over the past year, that’s pretty special.

What is ahead for Wanderers for an adventurous 2015?

Who knows? The plan is to just keep on making it up as I go along. I want to spread out a bit. Get a few more people involved. To be completely honest I’m sick of working on my own! I want some one to talk to during the day haha.

Hopefully waves and good times though.

Any collaborations in the pipeline that you can let us in on?

For the upcoming summer stock there’s like 11 new designs. I think 4 or 5 of those I’ve collaborated with some pretty special artists on, which I’m super excited to get out into the world. The rest I just did myself so they’re pretty shit. Don’t get too excited about them.

I know that guys can be easy to please when it comes to clothing, but girls are generally way tougher, how do you appeal to the ladies whilst still repping for the boys?

I. Have. No. Idea.

I sell so much stuff to girls. And I still have no idea what girls like. Every time I’ve done something just for girls and was sure they’d love it, it’s been a flop.

Short answer: I think of stuff that I think girls will like. Then I do the opposite of that.

Did you create a unisex label out of laziness so you would only have to design one collection instead of two?

Haha I have never thought of that! I can’t imagine doing a stand-alone collection for girls. I think because I love girls in guys tees. That’s what I want to see girls in, so I guess that’s why that’s the only option.

Wanderers has some rad slogan tees like ‘high flyin’,’ ‘dead stoked’, ‘free and wild’ and ‘yeah life!’ Who comes up with these? Were they drunk or high?

Usually me. Usually yes.

What is your idea of an adventure?

Currently my idea of an adventure is working all the time and living vicariously 44

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through what everyone else is doing in the clothes I’ve made for them. Ideally though, it would involve salt water, mates, sand and beer.

What do you do to get your hands dirty?

I screen print pretty much every day. Most of my clothes have paint on them and usually my hands are covered in little bits of paint. I’m messy. I ruin a lot of good shirts.

HAVE I REALLY JUST DONE ALL THIS SO I COULD WEAR A TSHIRT, JEANS AND VANS EVERYDAY? MAYBE.

Would you rather surf or have sex?

Hahaha. I guess it just depends what the swell’s doing? Haha nah, both are good. Can’t we have both?

The beach seems like a second home for you! Can you please help me out with a few ocean related questions?

Okay.

Is it true that if you punch a shark in the eye you momentarily blind it so you can get away?

I’ve heard that can work. Hopefully I’ll never find out though.

Do you pee on a jellyfish sting?

Yeah definitely. I saw it in the movie The Real Cancun. Wait. How old is that movie? How old am I? Are starfish really fish? I mean they don’t even swim.

I just think they are sassy as fuck. Starfish just hang around being fabulous.

Do mermaids exist?

Sure?

TORY PRICE

SPONSORED BY OZ APPAREL OZAPPAREL.COM.AU

WWW.WANDERERSCO.COM.AU 46

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BOND James Bond is the eternal hero, gracing our screens for the last 50 years. But who played him best?

This year marks a big anniversary in film history – the 50th anniversary of the James Bond series, a franchise which, to date, comprises of 23 films, with a 24th (due out October next year) and 25th currently in production.

While the classic British Carry On series (1958-1992) comprises the largest number of films clocking in at 31, the first official Bond film Dr. No, hitting cinema screens 52 years ago, in 1962, which makes Bond the longest-running franchise in film history.

Having been played by six different actors throughout the franchise, with a seventh rumoured to be taking the crown for an assumed Bond 26, the cool, suave, sophisticated, tech-savvy Bond has defied the restrictions of time by staying relevant from the height of the technologically primitive Cold War world through to today’s high-tech digital world.

Alongside such fictional characters as Dracula, Sherlock Holmes, Robin Hood, Hercules, Tarzan and Batman, Bond is a multi-generational 48

character that manages to stay relevant with the passing of time, without much re-vamping or reimagination needed. As the world changes, Bond manages to somehow stay the same. In the same way that crooners Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra still hold up as the king’s of sophisticated cool in today’s landscape, the character of Bond – hero to all men, God to all women – is one that will never go out of fashion and will always remain an object of desire.

However, although Bond remains the greatest ladies man in the whole world, scoring the most bangin’ babes in existence, perhaps the only character-trait that Bond has managed to drop as the world has become more socially-aware, are his arse-slapping, sexist comment infused, chauvinistic ways that made up such a large part of the character’s psyche throughout the Connery/ Moore era.

What makes it even more amazing is that, even though Bond has graced our screens for 52 years, he has

been in print-form for 61 years, with the first Bond novel Casino Royale, (eventually the subject of Daniel Craig’s first Bond outing in 2006), being published 9 years earlier in 1953.

The reason Bond and the stories he features in have stayed relevant so long boils down to one thing – we still do, and always will love babes, brutes, booze, bullets and big explosions! The stories of mystery, intrigue, action, sex and suspense are as multi-generational as Bond himself.

Though he’s been around for 61 years, Bond remains young and fresh, as each actor hands down the mantle to the next at the end of each passing generation. Connery passed it down to Lazenby, who passed it back to Connery after one film, who passed it down to Moore, who had it stolen from him in an un-official film

by Connery, who had it stolen back in an official film by Moore, who passed it down to Dalton, who passed it to Brosnan, who passed it to current 007 Daniel Craig.

Each Bond is supposedly the same character who has, somehow, remained immortal, whilst those around him pass away and pass the mantle to others in the universe. His supervisor, with the codename ‘M’, his weapons technician, with the codename ‘Q’, and his secretary, with the codename ‘Miss Moneypenny’, have gone through various actors, each one playing a separate character with the same codename which protects their identity. With this knowledge, it is easy to convince yourself (as I do when I marathon the films back-to-back) that each man who dons the serial number 007 and goes by the name of ‘James Bond’ may in fact be a different guy taking on the same elite codes… just overlook the fact that Moore, Dalton and Brosnan each make reference to Bond’s late-wife Tracy who passed away in the Lazenby film, as well as various other events that happened in earlier films starring different actors… there goes that theory.

With the exception of Dalton, who, let’s be honest, for only two films (thank God) was pretty much a

pathetic parody of Moore’s Bond, each actor who has portrayed Bond has managed to hold his own, making the character their own – even the much critisised Lazenby who, in my personal opinion was, regardless of the shitty movie he was in, one of the best actors to ever don the suit.

But the man that takes the cake for greatest Bond of all time, in mine and many others’ eyes, is the original, legendary Sean Connery, star of 6 official and 1 unofficial Bond films including Dr. No, Goldfinger, From Russia With Love and Diamonds Are Forever. His voice, that sharp, snarly Scottish accent is the first thing that comes to mind when you think of Bond. His style, his wit, his sophistication and grace in the role have continually inspired those who have come after him. The closest actor to beating out Connery, for me at least, is Craig who has managed to grip the world in both Casino Royale and Skyfall, two of the greatest Bond films of all time – lets just forget the 100-minute mess that was Quantum of Solace.

Bond has inspired so many other characters who reach for the same heights but somehow never manage to quite make it there. More recently, Robert Ludlum’s Matt Damon/ Jeremy Renner Bourne spy series has managed to come close, but with only 4 films (with a few more coming) since 2002, won’t manage to stand the test of time for too long. Even Tom Clancy’s famous spy Jack Ryan has had a rocky history in film, having been portrayed, most successfully, in the 90s by Alec Baldwin in The Hunt for Red October and Harrison Ford in Patriot Games Clear and Present Danger and by Ben Affleck and Chris Pine in more recent failedreeboots The Sum of All Fears in 2002 and this year’s Shadow Recruit respectively. Even James Patterson’s once-promising Alex Cross character portrayed only twice by Morgan Freeman the 1997 and 2001 Kiss the Girls and Along Came a Spider respectively, and once, disastrously,

by Tyler Perry in 2012’s Alex Cross, never managed to take off the ground.

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Though shades of Bond can be seen in many more sucessful cinematic heroes like Indiana Jones, Star Wars’ Han Solo, Bruce Wayne as portrayed in the 80s/90s Batman franchise and Robert Downey Jr’s Tony Stark in Marvel’s Cinematic Universe, Bond still remains the one and only successful multi-generational superspy. And regardless of having a backcatalog of reference material, being the Bond novels, the films manage to stand alone – having even surpassed the 14 novels that exist to date…

Many of the films haven’t been based on the novels, and there are still, somehow, many novels that have not been adapted to the screen.

With Bond 24 and Bond 25 coming in the near future, there is no stopping the mysterious super-sleuth from engaging the world’s attention – even the bankruptcy of the series’ original distributor, MGM, couldn’t kill Bond.

Who knows what’s in store for Bond once Craig dons his hat to the next generational star. Many believe it’s time for an African-American Bond to shine (perhaps this makes my theory work). Many believe it’s time for a female Bond to shine (also makes my theory work – probably no mention of Bond’s late-wife in that incarnation).

The rumour mill continues to spin – and will as long as Bond is around.

All we know is that Bond is here, and he’s here to stay. I personally cannot wait to sit down in 52 years time, at 75 years old, watching Bond 50 on opening day at the cinemas with my grandkids. Even then, the end won’t be in sight.

Maybe Connery will even make another comeback.

DAVE LEE

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FILM REVIEWS / Nicholas Ivanovic

Sin City: A Dame To Kill For Can too much of a good thing actually be a bad?

In the case of this sequel to Sin City (2005) – most definitely; the original was a highly-stylised living-pulp novel neonoir; an anthology tale with gangsters, dames and corrupt cops. These individualised tales eventually overlapped with each other to form a cool story arc.

The sequel pulls the same punch, albeit much poorly.

Introducing some new characters, performed by Joseph Levitt-Gordon and Eva Green (who is nude almost for the entirety of her screen time) and some familiar faces, the ride this time is actually fairly boring.

The individual stories are uninteresting, unbalanced, and repetitive, ultimately not meshing together as well as they did in the first.

So all the pulpy dialogue, over-the-top violence, boobs and flashy effects get kicked to the curb.

After seeing this, can’t say I really need to ‘sin’ anymore.

2/5

Gone Girl Like Matthew McConaughey, Ben Affleck seems to be going under a career Renaissance, with films such as The Town, Argo and now, Gone Girl.

In this mystery thriller, based on Gillian Flynn’s novel of the same name, Affleck plays Nick Dunne, a writer who appears to have a perfect marriage to Amy (Rosamund Pike), the perfect wife. But Amy disappears suddenly, and the intense scrutiny of the police and media put their private life on display and holes in their marriage start to emerge.

Social Network director, David Fincher has created a stylish engaging thriller with strong lead performances.

Combined with Trent Reznor’s fantastic score, a sense of foreboding is created as the film unravels and we start to question Nick’s intensions, as well as those of his missing wife.

Nothing is ever what it seems as Gone Girl keep us trying to put together what really happened, leading us down the dark garden path.

4/5

The Skeleton Twins When actors play against type, it can go one of two ways; it can be disastrous or revelatory.

Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig, known for their comedic roles in films such as Superbad and Bridesmaids, give the later as pair of estranged siblings. When Milo (Hader) unsuccessfully tries to commit suicide, he is reunited and cared for by his sister, Maggie (Wiig).

Unbeknown to him, she was trying to commit suicide at the same time as he was.

At times funny, bleak and brutally honest, The Skeleton Twins is film about two broken people who ultimately need each other; both are haunted by a childhood tragedy.

Life often never goes the way we’ve planned it and often it takes one person to see the light in the dark.

Both Hader and Wiig’s chemistry feels real and is wonderful to watch as the film progresses.

3/5

Tusk Where is my Starbucks and free Wi-Fi? Because the teenage girl in me is exclaiming, ‘I can’t even!’ after seeing this.

Kevin Smith returns with Tusk, a horror/comedy concoction of some sort.

It follows Wallace Bryton (Justin Long), a podcaster who hosts a radio show that mocks viral videos. During a trip to Canada, he finds a new subject to be his latest ‘freak’; a lonely man who tells him of the loving relationship he once shared with a Walrus who saved his life… and his secret desire to recreate the Walrus using Wallace.

Based on a prank Gumtree ad, the gimmick of this film is stretched thin across 102 minutes. Up until the revolting shock, the film is fairly unfunny and boring.

And the shocking moment is outright cruel and just plain disgusting. There may be an audience for this kind of thing. I don’t know. I don’t want to know.

1.5/5

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CELIA ART

I began drawing because it allowed me something to focus on during turbulence. I’m inspired by patterns that make my eyes feel good. Usually these are black and white. My drawings take a few hours to complete and the sense of satisfaction is immense; drawing (or the resultant praise) has hijacked my reward system.

I love the great impressionists like Monet. Other artists I admire include Audrey Beardley, whose art-novea illustrations are a source of inspiration, and Rick Griffin, Charles Glaubitz, as well as punk and post-punk artists, album designs, and stuff like that.

My tools of trade are basic; A4 printing paper, a really good fineliner, and a Nikko. I’ve started using black ink to create a range of effects in the drawings and re-cover black areas.

If you like my drawings and are interested in any kind of promotional or commissioned work, give us a holla. facebook.com/CeliaFettArt celia.whittle@gmail.com 52

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GRAVEBOOK A deceased person’s Facebook account - is this a good way to grieve, or is it stopping us from moving on?

In light of anyone who has ever lost someone close to them, perhaps family, relatives, friends or even acquaintances, we understand that difficult does not even come close to describing how you must feel. The presence of someone undoubtedly lingers, you think you see them in doorways, hear them laugh, smell their perfume or cologne.

Then time passes and they say that time heals all wounds. It doesn’t. The pain may not be a fresh or raw, but the intensity of the loss has not faded.

Soon; maybe it takes a few weeks; months or years, but you may start forgetting the small things. How they smiled, laughed, then what song they hummed when they brushed their hair, or when they were getting ready for sport.

It eats away at you.

This image you have of them, it’s only a still life picture; taking at a precise moment, during that random day. It represents who they were in only one aspect of their life.

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You may realize that you stopped printing out photos ten years ago, and you stopped using a camera, other than your phone, three or four years ago. It may have gotten too heavy, it was too big to carry and you never ended up getting those pictures developed. All you have now are the select memories, the photos of them in your scrapbook from when they were younger.

Do you have anything that represents who they were, in the sense of who they were a few weeks before they passed?

There is a solution.

Facebook has become a new memorial site; it allows families and friends to ‘connect’ in a way with a deceased person. In this way, you feel as if by writing messages to them directly; they are receiving it, wherever they may be.

Some critics have argued that Facebook need to delete a deceased person’s profile, they have claimed that it’s too hard for grieving friends

or families to see this person as currently existing. Numerous times there have been suggestions to even become friends with this person, they argue; that it’s not realistic and these people who see their lost ones on Facebook, are simply living in a fantasy world.

Then, you have the people who are beyond messed up. The people who choose to hack into a deceased person’s Facebook and pretend to be them. This happened to numerous people following the MH17 plane crash, which killed over 250 people.

Do their families think they are alive, do these hackers get some kind of sick pleasure at the thought of the pure hope in these people’s eyes, only to rip it away cruelly. That’s the power of Facebook and technology, it has evolved to give people the power to believe, and with a deceased person’s page being still active; there is no wonder of how easy it is, to gain access to it. After all, Zilla van den Born managed to fake a five-week holiday through Photoshop and

Facebook, proving that anything is possible with the right equipment.

However, for once a big company has answered our calls. Facebook now memorializes certain profiles of users who have died. This takes them out of search results, seals them from any future log in attempts from other people, but leaves their wall open for family and friends to comment on.

Max Kelly, Facebook’s head of security said that, ‘We understand how difficult it can be for people to be reminded of those who are no longer with them, which is why it’s important when someone passes away that their friends or family contact Facebook to request that a profile be memorialized.’

Facebook does require proof – family or friends must fill out a form, providing a link to information confirming a user’s death, before the profile is officially memorialized, effectively upping their privacy settings. Family and friends do have the choice not to memorialise and

rather delete the page, however more often than not, this is not the case.

Others can claim that this memorialisation does not allow people to move on from a death, those people obviously have never suffered a close friend or member of your family dying. This is not a way to grieve and think about everything you have lost.

Facebook has given us the power and opportunity to celebrate the life that was, in all their glory. Given that it is just another version of an online photo album, people can choose to reminisce the old fashioned way.

However in this contemporary society, when dealt with such a crushing blow, if it wasn’t too painful to look at, who wouldn’t want to scroll through the years, go on a journey and ‘connect’ with someone. It breathes air into a closing wound.

ISOBELLA VAN SCHAIK

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GENETICALLY MODIFIED CONSEQUENCES Australia’s Agriculture System uses taxpayer’s money to subsidise the planting of GMOs even though there is proof they are harmful to our society.

I have to admit, I was not very cluey about GMOs and what they were, and what they could potentially be doing to us mere mortals. Embarrassingly, the word GMO made me think of GI-JOE. Off topic, I know. Anyway, I was very interested to find out what these GMO things were and asked a fellow nature-lover (Jared Michael Papworth*) for any knowledge that he would oh so kindly share. And this is what he told me: Genetically Modified Organisms (GMOs) : Seeds and plants that have been modified, usually by commercial growers, to have maximum yields and minimal disease. The genes in the plant have been modified or coupled with superior genes to make the plant survive in any situation. In some cases this means plants are more resistant to disease and are easier to grow.

But, alas, some people claim this changes the plant from its original source. Which brings me to Certified Organic Products.

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Certified Organic : To be classed as certified organic, plants and seeds must not have had any synthetic chemicals used in the process of growing and maintaining these plants and seed growth. No harmful insecticides or pesticides have been used to kill detrimental bugs and disease. Rather, natural resources are used such as plantbased oils and compounds. Also the use of beneficial insects is introduced to drive out the harmful insects and aid in cross-pollination to increase cropping yields. For a farmer to claim all his products are certified organic, all sources from soil, compost, plants and fertilisers must be certified organic from the very beginning.

Okay, so now you are all experts on the GMOs and the difference between “man-made” and natural products, let’s dive into the nittygritty issue at hand. How are GMOs dangerous? And if so, why is the Australian Government using taxpayer’s money to fund this ongoing science? The Australian

Government’s Department of Agriculture recognises there is some community concern about genetically modified (GM) crops being grown in the land down under, but they say they, ‘support the careful assessment of health and environment risks of GM crops and foods.’ So that’s good… I think.

However, I did stumble across a ‘Non-GMO Project’ campaign, which made me pay attention. This American-based project informs people about the dangers of GMOs and how it is possible to avoid them.

They are a non-profit organisation committed to preserving and building the non-GMO food supply, educating consumers, and providing verified non-GMO choices. It is worth checking out if you are also against the consumption of GMOs. Make friends with their website at http:// www.nongmoproject.org/.

Some of you may be scoffing at all of this “hippy-nonsense” but there is some startling evidence to show that GMOs are not as harmless as farmers and scientists make out. Take a look

at these startling facts and then make up your mind: * Multiple toxins from GMOs have been detected in maternal and foetal blood: Research from a Canadian study has successfully identified the presence of pesticides associated with genetically modified foods in maternal, foetal and non-pregnant women’s blood. * DNA from genetically modified crops can be transferred into humans who eat them: In a recent study, researchers claim that there is substantial evidence that mealderived DNA fragments carry genes that can enter into the human circulation system through an unknown mechanism. Most disturbingly, in one of the blood samples taken from one of 1,000 humans, the relative concentration of plant DNA was sufficiently higher than the human DNA. Kind of cool right? Half human, half plant! * Links to GMOs and Gluten Disorders: The Institute for Responsible Technology and data from the US department of Agriculture and medical journals reveal that genetically modified foods have been found to be related to five conditions that may either trigger or exacerbate gluten-related disorders including Coeliac Disease.

a great advantage for poor people who can only afford staple foods at supermarkets; they can afford rice AND get their Vitamin A fix at the same time. Those in opposition of GMOs have a disadvantage for every advantage however, and I think I am leaning more towards their side.

Scientists still don’t know enough about GMOs to deem them safe for human consumption and over the past few years several countries have completely banned GMOs and the pesticides that go along with them.

David Suzuki, a leading Geneticist, summarises this issue up nicely when he says, ‘It’s very bad science.

We assume that the principals governing the inheritance of genes vertically, applies when you move genes laterally or horizontally. We could easily feed the planet through organic, GMO free methods, there is absolutely no reason we need GM foods around.’ * Jared Michael Papworth, or as I fondly refer to him as JMP, told me all he knew about GMOs. He is a bit of a know-it-all about plants, food, sustainable living and gardening so if you have a question or comment about my article’s content, drop JMP a line at landcare11@gmail.com.

MIA FRANCISCO

It does seem a little strange and scary that the Australian Government would choose to invest taxpayer’s money into funding something that clearly is actually quite harmful to human beings, instead of endowing money to farmer’s who grow all their crops organically. I don’t think it makes sense or believe it to be very fair at all. Organic farmers should have our nation’s support, not the genetically modified side of things. Don’t get me wrong, there is evidence for some advantages for GM crops such as farmers can grow a larger crop because it is easier to fight pests, GM tomatoes, bananas, strawberries and pineapples can remain fresh longer, GM rice called ‘Golden Rice’ contains large amounts of A-vitamins and this is considered 61

POLICE BRUTALITY Social media has made police brutality more visible than ever, so why aren’t police held more accountable for their actions?

On August 9, 2014 in Ferguson Missouri, a young black man named Michael Brown was shot and killed

by Darren Wilson, a white police officer. Brown was 19, had recently graduated high school and was to start studying at a technical college.

Wilson is 29 and had no record of police misconduct before he shot Brown. Prior to the incident, he was awarded a commendation for ‘extraordinary effort in the line of duty’. He has since become one of the most infamous men in history.

The shooting of Michael Brown sparked massive global controversy.

On the internet, the story simply hasn’t stopped. Facebook pages hoping to arrest Darren Wilson are still posting and gaining likes, while the Twitter hashtag #ArrestDarrenWilson is getting tweeted every day and still appears written on signs at protest marches.

The Brown/Wilson case is unique particularly because of the way it spread. Instead of the media being first on the scene, bystanders captured the footage on their camera 62

phones. For this story, a construction worker and a young boy who lived in the neighbourhood were first to get the details. The Michael Brown shooting was one of the first stories to show that the news is now being distributed differently. In some cases, the media are no longer in control.

The Internet and social media have given the public a loud voice. The media can’t control every discussion on the Internet, so whatever’s trending in social media becomes the focus of the story. It’s fair to say that even without the internet, the Brown/Wilson case still would have raised the issue of police brutality, but with the endless online campaigns for Wilson’s arrest, the marches promoted on social media, among so many other things, it becomes clear that this aspect of the story – that a police officer crossed the line and became a potential murderer – is how we and future generations will remember it.

This revolutionised way of distributing the news has certainly allowed the

public to raise its voice against more examples of police brutality.

Recently in New York City, footage was released of authorities beating a woman named Sandra Amezquita.

Amezquita, who was 5 months pregnant at the time and has since shown proof in court of abdominal bruising by police batons. News of this resulted in a protest rally in the city, with citizens claiming they don’t feel safe calling the police, and chanting for Police Chief Bill Bratton to be fired. Again, chances are Amezquita’s story would have gone international regardless of the footage, but on-the-scene, video footage is proof. We don’t have to question her story or her motives, because we can see for ourselves. If the police are performing brutal acts, they cannot hide from the cameras, because everyone has one in their pocket.

Exposing illegal or dangerous acts to the public—that otherwise might have gone unseen—is undoubtedly a good thing. The world’s surveillance is owned by its public, and we will

not stand for the abusive power of those who protect us. The Brown/ Wilson case has shown us this and Amezquita’s brutality is another example. With social media, protests against these crimes reach wider audiences and last longer; as a result, total awareness becomes a possibility.

The power to expose is in our hands.

Unfortunately, we don’t always expose the truth. For instance, in Narre Warren last year, the Victorian Police raided an illegal car meet near Fountain Gate shopping centre. As shown in the video footage, police arrested a few while mostly asking others to leave the area. There was no evidence of police brutality, yet the footage was recorded by a woman on the scene and subsequently uploaded to Facebook. Members of the car meet urged everyone to share the video and spread the violent behaviour of the Victorian Police.

The problem with the public’s access to exposing video footage is that it allows personal bias to influence

Photo: policebrutality.info

actions, for people to gather online and rally against organisations like the police, simply because they hate cops.

with others is necessary, or simply due to a cruel, personal bias.

TOM BENSLEY

‘With great power, comes great responsibility.’ Funnily enough, Spiderman’s Uncle Ben has never been more on point. With better cameras and clearer video recorders on our phones in an increasinglynetworked world, we have more opportunity to show others what we feel they need to see. We ought to consider the influence those opportunities can have. The Internet hackers who exposed private photographs of Jennifer Lawrence, Mary Elizabeth Winstead and many more showed no consideration for the harm they might cause. In the case of the Michael Brown shooting however, the boy who ran outside to video the unjust shooting knew that the world needed to see what really happened. The responsibility is on us to decide whether what we’re sharing

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CHEEKY CHAPTERS / Sarah Long

THE CASE OF THE EX There’s no point trying to fight history.

He wasn’t the one who got away, because we weren’t hanging out for long enough. And he wasn’t just a one-night stand, because that would mean we should have had sex. We weren’t even strangers, because I knew everything about him, yet there was no real conclusion. No goodbye, no number swapping. Just an, ‘I’ll see you soon,’ right after he dropped the Ex-bomb.

It’s all very anonymous, as we made a promise to each other that words wouldn’t get out, so I can’t tell you who he is – but you probably know him. In fact there’s a very good chance you have heard his music.

I wouldn’t like to consider myself a groupie or anything, like I wouldn’t eat the gum off his shoe, or rub my bits all over his sweaty towel, because it’s not actually him that I’m obsessed with, but I can comfortably say that his tunes leave me with sore feet from dancing and the biggest fucking smile given to mankind.

I was introduced to his sound during Splendour in the Grass, walking into 64

the tent on the second day. I was greeted by bare arses and flying willies of at least five very fried units.

They claimed that it was ‘Slapping Snakes Saturday’, while attempting to chase my business partner and I with their hideous worms. We pushed through the crowd and began observing the specimen behind the decks doing his thing. That was where I fell in love with his music. I kept repeating the name to myself for the rest of the day, so that I would not forget this guy! My ears had fallen in love and had wild sex with these heavy beats that tickled my genitals, like a fairy on LSD.

the cops, downed some little fun nuggets and put on our dancing shoes, while heading into the festival.

We smashed out some dancing to the first few artists before getting a little antsy wanting to make our way backstage. One of the artists – receiving drunkest man on ground award, came flying out between two fences, tripped over a bin and began running from a security guard. He got kicked out of the festival. Who would have thought that an artist could get kicked out? The gates opened our opportunity to act confident, walk through and go and have some fun with the artists.

Since then, I had been warming myself up for one of the most incredible lineups of the year. Tickets booked. Accommodation booked.

Party buddy booked.

We pranced upstairs to be greeted by the babe himself, boosting some poor little dude over their change room because he had been locked out. That’s when we exchanged a glance. I knew exactly who he was – so the questions began rolling. He pulled his manager into the room to help him answer some and before we knew it, we were doing shots and lines while having words with him and

I sensed that it was going to be a good day. Our interviewer left me with a bunch of artist’s numbers from the day before to get in contact with, which meant it was seriously time to get real loose. We slipped passed

his crew. The festival finished up and as I was staring at a security guard who had just realised that we had snuck backstage, my friend grabbed my hand and said ‘lets go.’

We were running with the crew we had just spent hours chatting and doing shots with, ended up in their transport and back to their hotel room, where the party continued.

Everything was so surreal, just chilling with all the legends that played on stage that day.

The babe and I fell onto his bed giggling away at his manager, who kept farting in the shower. I soon learnt that he was just as normal as anyone else. We laid next to each other and spoke like no one else was around.

A bit later, we walked straight into the club with a 2-hour waiting line; the VIP treatment was unreal. We strolled straight into a backroom, there waiting for us free alcohol and all sorts of yummy business. He and I sat down and started chatting. I wanted to kiss him, but there were too many people around. He disappeared and

it wasn’t until later that I found him outside.

He grabbed my hand and we jumped into his transport, back to his hotel and finally made it into his room, just he and I. It was only 2am, so the night was still young. He was drunk and I was high. All I could think about was lying in his arms. I grabbed two drinks from the fridge as we fell back into his bed. I didn’t want time to end, as we watched hours go by laying there sharing everything we could about each other. Our favourite colour, holiday, where we have been, pet hates, degrees we have studied, chats about our family, artists we love/hate, favourite food, hobbies; quite literally everything, while lying there in our most vulnerable position – naked.

Everything felt completely raw and real, like there was no judgment. Just two people there in the bedroom sharing everything there was to know about each other, while taking the absolute piss out of each other.

He hadn’t made a move yet, so as I brought my body closer to his with nothing but a sheet holding our hot and sweaty bodies against each

other, I could feel that someone was definitely getting a little bit excited.

As I turned around to be spooned, he grinded up against me and began slowly kissing up the back of my neck. I arched my back and he began nibbling my ear. As I ran my hands through his hair, I felt the goose bumps along his arms. He held me tight against his bare chest and continued to run his hands down between my legs, before caressing my boobs. My nipples were hard.

I lead my hands down south and wrapped them around him. He was hard. I didn’t know what to do, one part wanted to just do it right then and there, but I had too much respect for him to let this happen so soon.

As he pulled me up on top of him, he grabbed my hips and began grinding them into his groin. Still – all we had was a sheet between us. I leant over and started kissing him on the lips, placing one hand behind his neck so I could thrust harder into him. He began groaning and lifted me off, before swapping positions. Sheets disappearing. He slowly kissed down my body, reaching my pelvis. My toes

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were curling as I grabbed the sheets tight. I knew where this was going.

He flipped me over onto my stomach and moved back up towards me. His hard dick nestled between my butt cheeks, he grabbed my hands held them above my head, and pushed against my back. As he positioned himself to go in, he stopped. He got off me and laid over the other side of the bed.

‘What’s wrong?’ I said. Had I just farted on him? Maybe he had seen my sweat, or a gross pimple on my back. He stared at me and replied ‘I can’t do this.’ His phone started buzzing; he reached over and grabbed it.

‘Yep this is why…’ He then said again.

I buried my head into my sheets.

What the fuck had I just got myself into? I had quite literally not only just met this absolute legend who has more than half a brain, is funny, cute and a total smartarse, but someone who couldn’t touch me because of something that was happening on his phone.

He held me and explained that he was getting back with his ex girlfriend. I thought he was joking at first, but when I saw his face I realised that this time we weren’t joking around. The words, ‘We are so in love with each other, so this is what we want.’ Was probably worse than the time that my ex boyfriend pissed all over my back in his sleep.

As I rolled over and watched the sun come up, my vagina caved away back inside of me, while my nipples decided to invert themselves.

Thank god the awkward jellyfish didn’t decide to jump into bed with us. However, I had just never been thrown into a position where a guy has brought himself so close to having sex with me, to dropping the big ‘Ex’ bomb right between our raging, horny genitals. The icing on the cake was, ‘If she and I don’t work out, I’ll be on the next flight to Byron Bay to see you. Because you’re honestly perfect.’

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Thanks mate for reminding me I’m spot on – that my hair smelt like sea salt and my skin smelt like fruit. I’m pretty sure he got the 10 out of 10 for saying all the right things up until his ex girlfriend practically walked into the bedroom and decided to kick me out. I wanted to tell him that I was using him for his famous penis, so I didn’t feel like a complete idiot – even though by that stage, my vagina had shriveled up into a dried prune. Truth was, I kind of liked the kid. So, I externally bottled up my girly little tantrum of wanting to kick myself, also him for not getting my own way – because to be honest what girl doesn’t get their own way in the bedroom? I got up, invited him to have a shower with me (no touching) before drying myself off in front of him and getting changed to depart our extremely late check out.

We haven’t spoken since, except for the social media likes here and there, but I can’t help but wonder what it will be like when I see him up on stage again knowing the night that we shared together. What I can take away from that – is how to deal with the case of the ex. I know that this has been a doorstop for a whole bunch of poor blokes out there wanting to get some, but never thought it would happen to me.

I guess you’ve got to brush yourself off – remind them what they’re missing out on and move forward.

Because at the end of the day, there’s no point trying to fight history.

SARAH LONG

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