BLAIRE TEN

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BLAIRE

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blaire February 2014

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CONTENTS 6. Living on the Edge

18. Debate: Ticket Scalping

10. The Hives

22. The Quarter-Life Crisis 30. Daniel Sykes Photography

42. Kepari Le

44. Letter to J

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28. Festival Fashion

16. Music Reviews 50. Winning the Lottery

6. Sean Anderson Art 52. Banged Up Abroad

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Jennifer Lawrence

48. Film Reviews

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LIVING ON THE

EDGE

BLAIRE’S TOP 10 EXTREME SPORTS (FOR THOSE CRAZY ENOUGH TO TRY) BY MITCHELL PASCOE.

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ot a ridiculous amount of money and a complete disregard for your own safety? Then you sound like a perfect candidate for one of our top 10 extreme sports. No, you don’t need to be clever or overly fit to participate, just have enough in your bank account to cover your escalating health insurance. Now whilst extreme sports have often been written off as an adrenaline junkie’s quest to be the most daring, they have recently gained a genuine foothold in society, as their acts of bravery/stupidity capture our imagination, and have us watching on with baited breath. I now present to you; Blaire’s top 10 extreme sports. 6

1. Kite Skiing – a popular way of inventing an ex-

treme sport is by combining two activities which are not already associated with massive danger. Whilst skiing can be responsible for the occasional broken limb, I can’t say I know of too many injured kite enthusiasts. That is until they are performed simultaneously. This involves the skier or snowboarder to be launched into the air at their desire, ideally performed over a snow covered plain where the skier has some form of control. The natural progression has the latest generation flying down mountains.


2. Tow-in surfing – professional

surfers have always been limited by their equipment. It is no secret that Mother Nature has a seemingly infinite amount of power, so the height of a wave she could produce would make our tallest skyscrapers shiver. The humble surfboard has had no chance of making it to the top of these behemoths. Enter the jet ski and this problem has been eradicated. The only thing it can’t do is prevent you from being dumped onto a reef at breakneck speed, or bringing you back to the surface after the weight of your wave holds you down after breaking.

4. Highlining – some people go to circus-

es and enjoy the show put before them. Others see a high-wire artist, and wonder how to top him. Highlining is basically tightrope walking, just without the balance of a pole, the safety of a net and the luxury of a tight line. The competitor is left to his own devices to cross his selected gap, with the slack line providing a much tougher passage to victory. Definitely a sport to be attempted on a still day.

3. Creeking – often I see canoeists glide

by effortlessly as I jog around the banks of the Maribyrnong River. Having tried it, I recognize it’s a tough sport, and the difficulty is amped up in canoeing. Then comes along one man and suggests they finish their course, by shooting over the edge of a waterfall. Now this could very easily have been an isolated accident, until the survivor bragged about it. Now these natural wonders are sought after, to have reinforced kayaks dropped over the edge. 7


6. Free Soloing – while we are looking

at climbing mountains, let’s take it to the next level. This is actually the sport which doesn’t require a whole heap of money to compete in. In fact, it costs you nothing. Why? Because all you need to do is find a rocky cliff face, and begin to climb. Now whilst the cost may be minimal, so is the margin for error. Because with one mistake, your fingertips and your toes will be the only thing between you and your starting point.

5. Ice Climbing – back to the snowfields

for this one, but instead of sailing down the mountain, this time we are headed back up it. This is one sport which has actually gotten safer the longer it has existed. Equipment has evolved from the basic icepicks to drag your body up the sheer face of ice. Speed isn’t only essential for victory, but also for survival, as you race your rapidly numbing body to safety.

7. Volcano Surfing – the concept for this sport looks like it came right off the screen of a

James Bond movie. It actually sounds more impressive than it is, so far. Contestants find an erupted volcano and slide down on a board made of reinforced steel. The danger is currently the sharp fragments of volcanic rock that make the volcano’s face a minefield. One can only wonder how long it will be until someone tackles an active site. 8


8. Cave Diving – not for the

claustrophobic folk out there. Whilst underground cave exploring is scary enough, tackling a fully submerged cavern is downright terrifying. With the remoteness of these locations, any malfunction in your equipment could quickly spell the end of your dive. That’s if Mother Nature doesn’t get involved again. Currents in these caves can be unpredictable, and any disrupted sediment can leave you swimming blind.

9. Wingsuit Flying – the newest sensation

to sweep the world. Substituting the old-fashioned parachute for a wingsuit, resembling a gliding lizard, competitors launch off their desired perch and fall to the Earth at startling speeds, whilst at the same time travelling two and a half meters forward for every meter dropped. Before you all race out and invest in a wingsuit however, ensure that you have at least 200 skydives under your belt. This is what is required to begin your career in this hair-raising sport.

10. Base Jumping – was there any doubt? The world’s most dangerous recreational sport, with a death recorded for every 2,317 jumps. Essentially skydiving on a much smaller scale, the danger is increased because if your parachute fails, there is no time for a correction to be made. Yet since its invention, thrill seekers have gone about pushing the boundaries, with the wingsuit also being included to increase the rush. Just make sure you aren’t the 2,317th attempt.

After reading and writing about many of these sports I have even less inclination to give any of them a go. These people risk their lives to fulfill a desire to take their body to the absolute limits. I guess kick-to-kick back in the schoolyard just didn’t quite cut it for them. Photo credit: Conde Nast Traveller, Tate Taylor, Alexandre Buisse, Lora Slowitschka, Mikey Schaefer, Dive Xpert Club, Genner Jeanette, Pheonix Fly, Adrenaline Magazine.

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THE HIVES

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WE HAVE THREE WORDS TO EXPLAIN THE HIVES: GARAGE PUNK KINGS. THESE DUDES ARE STILL KILLING IT IN THE SCENE AND WE WERE LUCKY ENOUGH TO STEAL SOME OF THEIR TIME BEFORE THEY HIT UP AUSTRALIA FOR BIG DAY OUT. BLAIRE: Hey Nicholaus, how are you man? NICHOLAUS ARSON: I’m very well thanks, how are you? Man, I’m stoked to get a chance to have a chat to you. It’s amazing to talk to bands that as far as I’m concerned have been around forever. Where are you at the moment? Right now I’m in my house in Fagersta, Sweden. How is it currently?

You guys are really well known for your super energetic live shows, and Big Day Out is really the perfect place to get a crowd who are as energetic as you are. I trust you guys will be well suited-up and looking dapper as well? (Laughs) Yeah, I heard it’s going to be pretty warm though. But yeah, we never really adapt to weather, we’re one of those bands who think weather should adapt to us. Yeah of course we’ll dress up, the weather is just something you have to deal with when you come across it, you know.

I know last time you guys played Big Day Out It’s pretty good man, we have a holiday leave over it was pretty warm because I was there and I Christmas and new years and now we’re ready to remember how sweaty I was, so I applaud your get back in the game. The weather has been kind of commitment to style. Is there anyone on the bill a drag, there hasn’t been much snow so it’s sort of you guys are excited to play with? been like British weather really, it kind of sucks. Yeah, I looked at the line-up and it looked pretty That does suck, winter isn’t really winter for you great. Big Day Out is a great tour to do regardless, guys without snow right? cause it’s like one of those things where you get to hang out with the same bands over a longer Yeah, well I was kind of aching to going home for period of time and you have days off so you can some skiing over Christmas, but hey, you know, plan stuff. Last time we hung out lots with guys you’ve got to work with what you get. like The Donnas and Slipknot. I know that I was pretty excited to see a couple of bands but I can’t That you do. So you guys will be over here soon really remember. Maybe you have some tips. for the Big Day Out festival. Are you excited? How have you found Australian audiences Big Day Out is pretty synonymous for being before? one of the most fun festivals we have. This year there’s dudes like Arcade Fire and Pearl Jam. Oh, we’ve always had amazing shows in the past in Australia. Ever since the first time we came to Oh yeah, Pearl Jam, I’m super exited to see them. Australia, which I think was in 2001 or something, We met them in South America, they were super we’ve had great shows there, so we’re looking nice guys. I’m excited to hang with them, they’re forward to coming to Australian crowds again and great. getting in touch with summer. Are there bands that you guys like to play with in general? > 11


With this record we’ve had amazing support bands. You don’t always get great ones. Well, with us it’s more often than we get good ones cause we get to come home and kind of pick them but on this tour we’ve had amazing supports like Fidlar and The Fleshlights and we’ve had a band from Sweden called The Fume. I come home from tour and start listening to the records at home. I listen to them when I do my dishes and all that. And I enjoy hanging out with those bands as much as I love their music. Yeah you mentioned to like to hang with bands on tour, have you ever met someone who’s made you a little star struck? Yeah, I guess Iggy is a pretty big deal for us. We like rock n roll and a lot of old punk, and we’ve actually got to play with a lot of people that we listened to over the year. It’s amazing, you know. We’ve got to hang out with member of the Misfits, The Circlejerks, The Dead Kennedys, The Rolling Stones, Iggy. You run in to them once in a while, it’s always great to share stories, or at least listen to some good ones.

you still put on your pants one leg at a time, so they all seem like good people in their own right. You guys have been around for an amazingly long time, and obviously spent a considerable amount of time on the road. Do you have a favourite tour story of all time? Oh man, there are so many. Being in a band is kind of like being on camp for years. Every day is just really cool. On camp it’s hard to remember single days and stuff, it’s just goes on for fuckin’ ever and that’s the same with being a band. That’s the best summery of being in a band I’ve ever heard! You guys have been credited for being pioneers in the garage rock revival of the early 2000’s, and the whole garage and punk thing I think is having a little resurgence again at the moment, which is really cool. Are you guys still as hungry to be noisy these days as you we’re when you started?

Well I think in our very early years, sort of around ‘96, ‘97, we were definitely more into playing fast, sort of more hardcore punk beats. It was really just You said you hung out with Slipknot last Big rock and roll but was more based on playing fast. Day Out you we here, what are Slipknot like to I guess we’ve grown more towards sort of regular hang out with? Rock N Roll over the years. But as far as the noisy portion, sound wise, I think I am going more there Oh, they’re really cool guys. now in my head. I think I want to be noisey again. We made the Black And White record, and when Corey Taylor is one of my favourite people ever, we did that we wanted to make a rock record and he seems like a guy who’s really made it and cover it in chrome, we really wanted it to be the never let any of it go to his head. Who are some most high-end record we were going to make. guys who you think have really made it but are Then the next one, being Lex Hives, we wanted to still really cool? sound as much like The Hives as humanly possible, or as Hive-ely possible. I would like to record a There are a lot of people I think. Bruce Springsteen really garagey record again. Not fiddle with knobs is one of those, He’s a super nice guy who’s done or anything, just go in, record and make it sound really well. There definitely are people who still as thrashy as possible and see how far we could get just have a genuine interest in music. I met Mick with that without being uninteresting. There is a Jaggar this one time, he was a really nice guy who threshold, if you push over that then it just was so passionate about music. I guess everyone’s becomes noise, but sometimes before that, magic the same though, whether you’re famous or not > 12


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can occur, and I think that I want to try and go there maybe with the next record. I’m super excited to hear it man! What’s the best bit about playing music for a living?

That’s a very diplomatic answer.

The best part about it is that you get to do one of your favourite things for a job. It’s something you’d do regardless, whether you make it or not. I always thought I’d just have a regular job with music on the side. I had the impression that if I did music for a job then I would feel obligated to write, that it would affect my music writing, it’s hard when it’s the way you’re paying your rent. So having music as a job is freakin’ awesome. Cause, you know, you get to spend so much time doing it, it’s a camp man, a never ending camp.

It is pretty diplomatic but I have a hard time focusing on what’s bad. Sometimes with bad music you can actually find stuff that’s pretty good. Sometimes stuff is so bad that you actually find good stuff you can use or at least that’s how we learned because we come from a really small town. We actually had to go see bad bands as much as we got to see good ones. And we just learned from the bad bands what not to do. It’s not like I want them to be erased, they add to the eclectic nature of music and you’ve then learned something from it.

On the flip side what’s the worst bit?

Yes it would. Last but not least, have you got any advice for young musicians, particularly in a garage-rock environment, who are making music for music and not based on production?

I guess the flip side is you sort of got to be a business man, and if you don’t like being a business man then that’s the flip side I suppose. You end up being a boss over all these people that work for you and if you’re not into that then that’s the deal. But for the most part it’s really good, it’s the greatest job I could ask for, that’s for sure. The flipside is tiny compared to the upside. Beautiful man. If you guys could play with three bands from history, who would they be? Misfits are one of our favourite bands of all time. We’ve played with The Sonics, but it would be great to play with the ‘65 version of The Sonics, and AC/DC or Dead Kennedys would be amazing. And if you could remove a musical act from time, who would it be? Oh gee, I should have come prepared! I don’t know, you spend so much time looking at music that you do like that I don’t really focus on stuff I don’t like. Sometimes you come across stuff that gets lots of attention and ends up in your face and 14

you can’t avoid it. But that stuff always fades away in the end, so I’d just say don’t pay too much attention to it.

Practice. And do exactly what you want to do and stick to it. And never look at it as a way to stardom, because you never know if it’s going to happen. We’re always really surprised because a lot of our favourite bands had only ever sold like 50,000 albums in total. They got to tour and play to people and that was great, but it wasn’t like they were in charge. So we were surprised, I think lots of us, guys like The Strokes, The White Stripes, even though we were all making great music and were great to see live it was sort of a surprise for most of us. You can’t see it as something that’s going to make you rich or make you famous in any way because it ends up not being about the music. When we were kids we’d be in the rehearsal space, play until we were too tired to rehearse any more, fall asleep on the floor, get up, rehearse, go to sleep on the floor, and then just go for pizza and swimming in between. You do have to spend time doing it, but you get to enjoy it and send loads of time perfecting your craft. That’s the best advice I have.

BENNY THOMPSON


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MAT ZO

DAMAGE CONTROL I’m not even sure where Mat Zo came from, but he has seriously just walked out of the blue into my top 20 artists of all time. Now I’m no massive music critic, but when I hear a bunch of new tunes that I instantly love, I know that there is something good going on here. Mat Zo has creatively twisted dance music into his own kind of electronic sounds, mixed with a 910’s sort of lucid tune. His work is something that you really need to just listen to, to understand what I’m saying. With every song, you’ll experience something different, so make sure that you listen to all of them before you form an opinion. My personal favourite is ‘Caller ID’. I still have it on repeat in my car.

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THE JOHN STEEL SINGERS

EVERYTHING’S A THREAD

It has been three years since their debut album and they’re back with their second record Everything’s A Thread. These boys are currently making some of the most interesting pop music in Australia, with a psychedelic twist to it. Eccentric melodies seamlessly mesh with calculated percussion, accumulating n an indie pop album that opens up and rewards you with every listen. I like their style and tune. They have it going on. They’re fresh, young and have a very bright future ahead of them. My favourite number is ‘Everything’s A Thread’.

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SARAH LONG

CHILDISH GAMBINO BECAUSE THE INTERNET

I have always had a slight soft spot for Childish Gambino, I think there’s something very sexy about the smoothness in his music. In regards to his latest, Because the Internet I believe that the album excels in creativity and definitely sustains originality. I honestly love it. I think what it does lack however, is that oomph or point of difference that everyone looks for in an artist or their music that they produce. The problem these days is that there is too much competition in the industry, so when someone sings/acts too much like another artist, then they’re condemned for lacking originality, or in Gambino’s situation ‘coolness’. I think he’s still got it and so do his tunes. Listen out for ‘3005’, it’s catchy and really vibing.

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JAMES VINCENT MCMORROW

POST TROPICAL

I hadn’t really heard much about James until I had to review his second album Post Tropical. It could be because of the fact that his music was predominantly folk. He has gone for a different genre and I actually think that this might be working for him. His sound is James Blake meets Bon Iver, with soft vocals and a soothing background melody. His voice is so mesmerizing that he would almost send me to sleep. He incorporates minimalist electronica and RnB, this record is dlwoing with gorgeous harmonies. I would definitely play his album on a relaxing Sunday afternoon, with a couple of drinks in front of me. My picks of the bunch would have to be, ‘Cavalier’ and ‘Sparrows and the Wolf ’. 17


TICKET

SCALPING RESELLING TICKETS FOR MORE THAN THEY’RE WORTH. WE ASKED SPENCER HADLOW AND BELLA VAN SCHAIK FOR THEIR THOUGHTS.

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ttempting to buy tickets online is one of the most stressful events that you can experience in the 21st Century. This sounds melodramatic, but I’m not exaggerating. I remember trying to buy tickets for my friends and I to Falls Festival in Lorne. We all applied to volunteer in the hopes that we’d save ourselves some money by spending our mornings there wrist-banding or checking bags and cars for booze. To make sure we had the best chance we all met at my house and wrote out our applications together before sending them off with our fingers firmly crossed. A few weeks later a response comes back: ‘sorry you were unsuccessful’. No big deal, we’ll all just apply for the ticket ballot. Now applying for the ticket ballot is another saga within itself. I applied from my email, my brother’s email, my school email and even my grandma’s email. My friends all did the same; anything to increase our odds. When we didn’t receive anything back saying that we’d secured any ballot tickets from our multitude of emails we knew it 18

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was time to give up. The only other option was to transfer all our money onto the same credit card, sit our a computer at 9 o’clock in the morning and madly refresh our internet browser at the moment general sales tickets are released and pray that we’d be able to get four tickets. The stress of the whole process is probably why I’ve never been to Falls. A few years later I tried to buy tickets to see Beyonce only for them to all be snapped up before I could get to them – sending me into a tailspin for the rest of the day. Many of my friends have similar stories, so what can you do when demand is high but the supply is so low? The answer for some is scalping. A scalper is someone who someone who sells tickets to events without the authorisation to do so. Scalpers often buy large amounts of tickets and then sell them for a higher price closer to the date of the event when demand is much higher. Scalping has been made easier with sites like eBay and Gumtree. Whilst many consumers are happy that they’re able to buy tickets on these sites, the


Australian Government doesn’t take too kindly to scalpers. There are several risks when purchasing scalped tickets, and new laws that were introduced in New South Wales late last year were particularly stringent. Websites will now be required to display a photo of the ticket being sold to check its authenticity and it can’t be sold at any more than 10% over it’s original price. The laws have faced criticism though with ticket body Ticketmaster saying that the legislation, ‘whilst well intentioned, will only push scalpers interstate’. As an alternative Ticketmaster are set to launch their own ticket reselling website sometime this year in order to promote the safe transfer of tickets. Others complain that these new laws are actually punishing the consumers, which is very easy to see. Imagine if you had purchased a ticket to see

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ccording to every moral and value ingrained in us since birth, the answer is yes; ticket scalping is bad. It comes down to the age-old value of honesty. There are frequent claims by the masses that the people who buy a large amount of tickets to any event and sell them either in person or online for an astronomical price are dishonest. Not only are they dishonest, they are also greedy. By buying tickets under the pretence of having a genuine desire to view a concert or show and then selling them for a higher price to ‘the little people,’ who have missed their chance in getting a ticket, these ticket scalpers are tricking people for their own selfish advantage. It has become known via singers such as Bruce Springsteen that ticket scalpers can now be the very websites we trust most to buy our precious tickets. In an open letter on Mr

one of your favourite artists only to break your leg the week prior. Not only would you not be able to see the show but in some cases because of the requirement that the name on the ticket match the ticket holder, you might not even be able to sell it to a friend to make your money back – a raw deal for the ticket holder when the aim of the law is to stop the scalpers. Should we make such a big deal about ticket scalping though? In most cases, no. Although scalping in easier than before promoters are doing much more now in order to make it simpler for people to buy tickets through them directly. At the end of the day if we want to see a gig there is that option available to us should we need it. I just hope that one day I’ll get to go Falls Festival – scalped ticket or not.

SPENCER HADLOW

O K A Y Springsteen’s website the songwriter posted that ‘Ticketmaster was redirecting [the fans] log-in requests for tickets at face value, to their secondary site TicketsNow, which specialises in up-selling tickets at above face value.’ Essentially this means that the original website that was being used to buy tickets for the right price was directing users to a third party website, in order for the fans to pay more. Mr Springsteen then stated that he condemned this practice. Ticketmaster CEO Irving Azoff stated that the company would ‘change their course,’ and would ‘never again link to TicketsNow.’ But can we really trust them? The answer has to be yes because how else will we be able to buy tickets to events? So why are the large corporations such as Ticketmaster engaging in such practices? It is > 19


because they benefit from it. They ticket scalp in order to make a profit. It was estimated by the publication Entertainment and Sports Lawyers, that the ‘secondary ticket market’ was already a $5 billion business and had a growth rate of about 12%. Ticket scalpers act so dishonestly to genuine people for no other reason that wanting to create a profit. To many people this is okay; it is a dog-eat-dog world after all, and this practice of cheating people out of money for profit has been around for centuries. It has been around for so long that no one even bats an eyelash if someone is unfairly charged. Do we no longer care about unfairness that has caused the industry of reselling to boom, or

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is it simply the fact that without us, without the notion of supply and demand these scalpers would have no people to sell to? Sure these resellers are terrible dishonest people, but what does it say about us, the people who go and buy from them? Does it really make us any better, if we are supporting their practice? The fundamental truth is that this dishonest practice that is being continuously supported. We have stopped judging this practice and started engaging with it. We need to be pro-active and take a stand. By declaring the reselling of tickets for high prices is bad, we have taken the first step.

ISABELLA VAN SCHAIK


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DANIEL SYKES


Sean Anderson When people think of my art, they think of big boobs, big butts and big lips, and that basically is what I do. Over the years I have developed and obsession for the pinup girl and putting voluptuous beauties onto paper has become a need for me, to the point where this year I had one tattooed on my arm. I’m not only inspired by the female form, but by pop culture and the biggest personalities in the media, whether it be Kanye West, Tyler the Creator or Beyonce, I find the best way to reflect personalities is through sarcasm and satire (because who doesn’t like seeing someone famous and arrogant have the piss taken out of them). I grew up in such a creative home that all of my dreams of living a creative life were encouraged to the point that I never had a second thought that this was what I was made to do. It was this life that taught me that knowledge and an appreciation of all aspects of art is invaluable and will always be reflected in what you create! Having just completed my degree in Animation I could not be more ready to tackle the creative world and keep making my art for people, whether it be a print or a t-shirt or an animation, there’s nothing more satisfying or inspiring than seeing someone completely in love with what you’ve made. 22

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THE

QUARTER-LIFE CRISIS

YES, ITS REAL. MIA FRANCISO INVESTIGATES.

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personally have known a couple of people to go through some form of life crisis. At times, I found it amusing and practically entertaining, but sometimes I witnessed the sad and empty shell that a crisis causes a person to become. One person in particular, I will call him Ronny, was definitely having a mid-life crisis when I first met him back in 2013. From his hotted-up car with the fancy rims to his choice of local Saturday night haunt, Ronny just oozed of crisis. In fact, he was like a walking and talking textbook definition of mid-life crisis. Three years off 40 and Ronny was still clubbing the night away with his 20-something year-old mates, shopping at Cotton On and chatting up the 18 year-old retail assistant young enough to be his daughter. And was Ronny happy? Not really… no. He said so himself. So what is the correct term for a quarter-life crisis and who does it apply to? I am nearly 100% sure anyone under the age of 35 is at risk… including myself, eep! Authors Alexandra Robbins and Abby Wilner, wrote the first book to examine this new phenomenon and concluded that ‘young adults emerge at graduation from almost two decades of schooling, during which each step to take is clearly marked. They encounter an overwhelming number of choices regarding their careers, finances, homes, and social networks. Confronted by an often-shattering whirlwind of new responsibilities, new liberties, and new options, they feel helpless, panicked, indecisive, and apprehensive.’

It is scary to think that a life-crisis no longer applies to just middle-aged men who believe upturning their shirt collar is cool and adjust their image to keep up with the trends. Psychologists have taken it upon themselves to delve right into the cause of this confusing new trend and have decided that people who do not resolve issues in their adolescence, like individual identity or social identity, then carry those problems into young adulthood, thus causing them to have a quarter-life crisis. Celebrities are a classic example of people experiencing existential angst. Unfortunately for them, it is captured and observed by the whole world. It is hard enough to suddenly stop and evaluate your studies or career or relationship or overall goals in life, without having your face blasted all over the internet and television. Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus are listed by online polling surveys to be the top four celebs to have fallen victim to a quarter-life crisis. From public meltdowns, tantrums, drastic identity changes (shout out to Miley’s new ‘do) and questionable career choices, these stars have experienced it all. So how do the rest of us avoid being the next target? Well, after several hours of reading article after article by leading psychologists and behaviorists, I decided I would suggest to you all to simply do what you love best and make the life choices that deep down you know will make you happy and at peace. 27


F E S T I VA L Kate Moss at Glastonbury

Festivals are about three things: 1) the outfit. 2) Being dead broke because you when you can literally wear anything and look as out-there as you w

CLASSIC JAMES DEAN This festival fashion fix would not be complete with the mention of Mossy AKA the god of festival fashion. I mean that girl was born festival ready. Her festival look is so ‘I’m with the band’ and effortlessly cool it hurts. Mainly because I know that no matter how hard I try I will never even be in the same stratosphere as the divine Kate Moss. Follow this rule exactly and you may get close: cut off denim shorts, vintage tee, leather or similar jacket, cowboy boots, hot boyfriend and an ‘I don’t a give a fuck’ attitude. Classic Moss, classic festival.

THE SUNNIES

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Sunglasses are a great form of eye protection, and whilst that is kind of awesome for not going blind, it has absolutely nothing to do with the sunnies you wear to the festival. Don’t underestimate the effect of the right pair of sunglasses. I once had to spend $60 on a cab fare to go home and get mine, because I know you are nothing at a festival without them. Build your outfit from your sunglasses. They are your statement piece. Go oversized with thick frames in a cat eye style and you will be untouchable. High contrast tortoise shell is the only colour frame you need to know about. I just want to warn you in case you were thinking of wearing them when night falls, be aware that people may want to hurt you for being such a douche.

Karen Walker


F A S H I O N

TORY PRICE

u have spent all of your money on tickets, and 3) the outfit. This is the one day want and no one will think you’re crazy because you’re at a festival.

CROWNING GLORY I’m going to say something a little controversial, well maybe a lot controversial, but it’s for your own good: BURN YOUR FLOWER GARLAND. They are bland, generic and overdone. Luckily they have been replaced by chain headwear. Very Nicole Richie and hippy summer vibes, this look is perfect for your favourite festival. Delicate pieces are best if you want a simple statement. Chunkier options with chain upon chain upon chain will amp up the volume of any outfit. What I really love though, are the pieces with intricate detail and jewels galore. Whatever your choice, be brave. You can thank me later! Alexa Chung and Cara Delevingne

Nicole Ritchie in House of Harlow

SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BE PRACTICAL Sorry to get all mum on you, but you need to be ready for rain, hail or shine and potentially freezing your bum off all in one (or a few days). You need a clear poncho (so you can still see your outfit underneath), a jumper to smoosh into your bag for later and I’m not sure if I mentioned sunglasses, BUT YOU MUST HAVE THEM, even if it isn’t sunny. You don’t want the weather to ruin your outfit or your fun.

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KEPARI LENIATA THE WOMAN WHO WAS BURNED ALIVE AND THE REALITY OF PAPUA NEW GUINEA

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ourtesy of events tied to 1692 Salem, it is unsurprising that the burning of witches is etched on the high end of the violence-against-women spectrum. Happily, those dark days are behind us; some time has passed and the superstitions of Colonial America are safely pigeonholed in history, under the category of ‘Never to be Repeated Fucking Disgraceful Acts Against Humanity Performed in the Name of Religion’. History is indeed where these horrific acts should remain, and in the West we have the luxury of assuming so. You can safely distance yourself from those events from the comfort of your western ideals and superficial western values. It’s the year 2014 Anno Domini and for Christ’s sake, we’re beyond that primitive witch-hunt bullshit. Here we reserve our judgement and prejudice for more sophisticated forms of hatred, such as our unjustified passive aggression toward the single mothers, the disadvantaged, the disabled and the displaced. Who the hell still burns witches? The reality is that this practice still exists within the realms of the modern world and it reflects an all-too-familiar gender inequality echoed in societies around the world. One of the more famous incidents is that of 20 year-old Kepari Leniata of Mt Hagen in Papua New Guinea. In February 2013, the mother of two was dragged from her house, tortured with hot iron rods, doused in petrol and burnt alive under a pile of tyres and rubbish as an angry mob of sick bastards 42

forced police and fire trucks back from the carnage. Her crime? Allegedly causing a mysterious illness which resulted in the death of a 6 year-old boy. How the hell did they know it was her? According to the parents of the child, she admitted to it. Well, she was stripped naked and scorched with hot irons until she allegedly confessed. Minor detail. As punishment for her crimes, this women was then tossed screaming into a pile of burning rubbish, with petrol soaked tyres thrown on top for good measure. She died eventually, but not before suffering incomparable pain as her flesh melted from her bones. Onlookers celebrated, took pictures and uploaded footage of the savagery online as police struggled to push their way through the crowd. Just go back and read that again. These monsters celebrated in their disgusting act of depravity and enjoyed it so much they decided to share it with the rest of the world. What the actual fuck is wrong with humanity? Now I know that as Australians we like to latch onto a bit of unsubstantiated hysteria. Personally I don’t buy into that shit and I am not about to start now, so I will clarify that torture and angry death mobs are not by any definition a common and sanctioned part of legal proceedings in Papua New Guinea. This was the act of a few fucked up individuals acting outside of the law, so don’t give me any of this racist bullshit about a backwards society. Papua New Guinea operates


under a similar Westminster system to Australia and are a functioning democracy, so put the soapbox away before you embarrass yourself. I will point out that PNG is a nation plagued by violence against women and children, a fact not lost on both the local government and the international community. Aid organisation Médecins Sans Frontières (Doctors without borders) acknowledge it as a humanitarianism crisis, focussing much of their operations in PNG on providing medical and psychological support to victims of domestic violence. So yes, there are massive human rights violations happening right now which you hopefully will never have to experience personally, but that doesn’t mean we go painting an entire nation of people with the same brush. Please just have some perspective. With that, I present to you my own perspective. Unequivocally, acts of violence toward women and children are just as damaging to society as they are to the individual. Hatred begets hatred, and if a community sets the standard of behaviour low enough with no one to hold them accountable, the floodgates open to allow ever increasing violations. Leniata’s brutal murder didn’t just happen out of the blue; it takes generations of ignorance, ingrained sexism and violence toward women to generate that level of hatred and disregard for human life. It’s absolutely disgraceful that it ever happened. Why aren’t women aware of their rights? Not only that, but why the hell are women also perpetrating these vicious crimes? That’s some fucked up levels of self-loathing. Also, why aren’t men standing up for their communities? Where are the leaders? Who is setting this disgusting standard and why hasn’t it been challenged?

You know what else is disgraceful? The global community can organise a biannual sporting event but still can’t get the message across that failing to treat another human being with respect is unacceptable. It’s pathetic that the organisations tasked with raising awareness of domestic violence are largely reliant on the generosity of donors, yet local and international governments will invest millions of dollars into the Exxon-Mobile Liquefied Natural Gas Project currently underway in PNG. The importance of power and money over humanity is endemic, and illustrates exactly why this shit keeps happening. Sure, money is important and a young democracy like PNG deserves the opportunity to stand on its own two feet, but it is equally important that money is invested in preserving the basic human rights of its citizens, which starts with education. Amending a couple of outdated laws regarding sorcery and reinstating the death penalty isn’t enough to drive the message home. Papua New Guinea is an LPG cash cow so naturally Australia, the US and China all have their fat little proverbial fingers in the pie. Conversely, domestic violence is a global issue and has been going on for centuries. Where do the priorities of the world leaders lie? Protecting the actual people they represent, or in raping natural resources? My point is, history will repeat itself until such time the global community invests a proportionate amount of time and money into preserving the rights of women, children and men. Unfortunately, it seems that until domestic violence can be exploited for profit, it will not be given the attention it deserves.

GEMMA DAVIES Photo: AFP/Getty Images

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AN OPEN LETTER TO

JENNIFER LAWRENCE D

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the actress and the movie star. The actress is somebody that everyone loves but doesn’t love Or may I call you J Law? enough to pay too much attention to her. The movie star on the other hand, everyone loves so I was originally going to draft this letter with the much that they hang off every single word they idea of asking for your hand in marriage. But the say, they monitor every single minute movement more I thought about it, the more I realised it that they make – and at the end of the day, the was… well, pretty creepy. So, instead, I’ve opted for movie star, convinced you that you could be with the (slightly) less creepy route by issuing an ‘open them, that you could have them, that you’re not letter from everyone’ to tell you just how much we entirely out of their league. So, my love (fuck, I appreciate you! did it again), I guess what I’m saying is, you’re a But you know, it’s not absolutely far-fetched fucking movie star and I, and everyone else on this that a marriage between us is possible – in fact, mother-loving planet, loves the absolute shit out of for a world famous, multi-millionaire, Academy you and wants to marry you (yes, even the girls.) Award winning actress, I somehow feel you are in But I hear you ask, why do I love you? Or fact… winnable? Perhaps, obtainable? I guess, to I guess, in the context of this ‘open letter from put it lightly, I feel I have a chance with you – I feel everyone,’ why do we all love you? I’m not exactly out of your league. And that, my love (sorry, I won’t call you that again), is saying It’s simple really. something, because, usually, I feel like I’m out of just about everyone’s league… and you’re a fucking You’re fucking amazing. You’re a revelation. A one Hollywood movie star for God’s sake! in a million. A breath of fresh air amongst a sea of Michael Caine wrote in his autobiography conformists and fakes. (well, at least I think it was in Michael Caine’s You speak your mind. You say what you autobiography), that there’s a difference between want to say. And you simply don’t give a shit. Not ear Jennifer,


in the, ‘hey I’m Justin Bieber and I don’t give a shit about you or anybody, including my fans, so I’m just gonna spit on you and piss in buckets and graffiti hotels, coz I’m Justin Bieber and I’m the biggest fuckin’ legend in the whole world,’ kind of way… but, in the, ‘I’m J Law, and I don’t give a shit what people think of me, so I’m going to talk about my cameltoe and my armpit vaginas on the red carpet, because I’d rather be myself than be forced to be someone I’m not,’ kind of way. I think the secret to your fame is that you don’t believe that you’re famous. Even with one Oscar with and two other nominations under your belt, you’ve managed to stay grounded and completely un-touched, un-harmed and un-phased by all the ‘Hollywood shit’ going on around you. I love that you can talk about, or do just about anything you want and it doesn’t phase or embarrass you. It just makes my (our) love grow stronger. Remember that time you visited David Letterman’s Late Show and were so cold in your tiny dress that you had to ask for a blanket, and

when they found you a blanket you did the entire show from underneath it? Even asking Dave to snuggle up with you at one point? I mean, this is the kind of shit I’m talking about. There was another interview where you so excitedly and unashamedly talked about pissing your bed during your teenage years and ran to school to tell everyone because you thought it was hilarious. Also, the time you compared yourself to a ‘shaking, peeing Chihuahua’ on the red carpet for The Hunger Games: Catching Fire premiere. Come to think of it, did you not tell Rolling Stone Magazine that you are, and I quote, ‘the fastest pee-er ever’? You sure do like to talk about pee. And for that, I give you (sorry, we give you) two massive thumbs up. As a collective, that’s a lot of bloody thumbs up! Who else could talk about pee on the red carpet or in magazines or on talk shows and have people fall in love with them? Could you imagine if some one like the uptight Meryl Streep came out saying, ‘I need a big pee’ whilst she was at the Oscars? Or told Jimmy Fallon that she peed her pants back stage. Everyone would cringe. > 45


No laughter, no heartstrings broken… plain and simple cringe. Oh by the way, when you rubbed it in Meryl’s face when you won the Golden Globe against her last year (even though you said you weren’t and it was only a joke and blah blah blah), that was pure brilliance. In a previous article of mine for Blaire Magazine I spoke about the time you flipped the bird to the entire press pit at the Academy Awards after you won your Oscar last year. But we didn’t scorn and say ‘what a fucking bitch’, we thought it was hilarious, because we knew it was done in jest. The mere fact that you regretted it straight away is reason enough to understand you didn’t really mean to do it, you weren’t really thinking of the consequences. Of which, there were none of course, since everybody loves you. I also love your habit of photo-bombing other famous celebs.

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I could go on and on and on about funny things you’ve said. Infact there’s entire websites and Facebook pages devoted to posting ‘The Best Jennifer Lawrence Quotes’ daily. If you want to see some of the funny shit you’ve said or done, pop over. One thing I truly admire about you, J Law, is your crusade against conformation. You spoke to Harper’s Bazzar recently about how you were once told to lose weight for a role and absolutely refused – and still would if someone asked you today. You call yourself a ‘fat actress’ and maybe, by today’s standards, you do have what is considered a classic body type. But you’re absolutely right to not care. You still look gorgeous, and I think that’s part of the reason. You’re not a skinny minnie like everyone else. You have curves. You have presence. You’re a real woman!


You’re proof that you don’t need a ‘perfect’ body type… or at least, a body type that the bitch society considers ‘perfect’… because as I’ve said before, the true essence of being perfect is being imperfect in the eyes of society.

You remind us of people we know, and you remind us of ourselves. That is why we love you. You’re a role model!

Who said you had to pretend to be someone else, or conform to some Hollywood standard to be well loved. It’s not about the love of fame for you, it’s about the love of your work and not being afraid of the crazy, loud-mouthed girl that you are.

Dave and the rest of the world.

I think, with you, we’re seeing the ushering in of a new wave. A new generation of actresses and actors and movie stars who simply don’t need to be So, I guess what I’m saying is that, I (we) love you taken completely seriously to be absolutely adored. because, quite simply, you’re one of us. You’ve shown us that even though you’re a celebrity you’re The fact that you can be a crazy girl on Letterman still just a regular everyday woman. You don’t care and still get nominated for the biggest awards about the bucket loads of money you have pouring around (and at that, win them) proves that you’re obviously doing something right. Hollywood has a into your bank account – or, at least, you don’t let bright future. it affect you. The one thing people seem to forget about movie stars is that they really are just So J Law, the biggest, brightest, most beautifulest people… people who have a job that’s a little actress around… Will you marr—sorry, that’s not different to most people’s jobs. But you Jennifer, J what this is about… ignore me. Law, have proven to us that being a celebrity isn’t what it’s all about. It’s all about being yourself – We love you J Law! because it’s you that everyone loves, not some Hollywood creation. And you clearly take pride in Sincerely, that.

DAVE LEE

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OPEN GRAVE I’m not sure what genre this is meant to be. As a thriller it nearly put me in a coma. As a horror I didn’t even blink at the supposed ‘scary’ bits. Sharlto Copley plays a man who wakes up in a pit of dead bodies with no idea how he got there. Meeting up with a group of people who also suffer from amnesia, suspicion turns to violence as the group falls into mistrust as they try to find out what happened. A promising synopsis, no doubt, but the execution is completely botched. The first 20 odd minutes work well, but soon the seams start to show as the film thinks of ways to keep the viewer interested. When a film with a premise this intriguing has to work this hard to pull a viewer in and STILL fail, then this is a clear sign of failure. At least wherever he filmed this looks absolutely gorgeous. I’d love to visit there. Flat dialogue, a wasted (albeit impressive) international cast and one dimensional characters totals to a dud of a horror/thriller/whatever it’s meant to be film.

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THE HOBBIT: DESOLATION OF SMAUG

Peter Jackson returns with the next instalment of The Hobbit and yet another trip to the bank with a completely useless sequel that stretches out an already thin book with absolutely no justification to why. A 2-hour 40-minute slog that could easily have 90 minutes cut from it, Desolation of Smaug is just passably better than the first instalment, but only just. An amazingly terrifying scene with giant spiders, a lively battle on a river in barrels and some amazing mocap/voice work from Benedict Cumberbatch as Smaug make this film watchable, but nearly everything else is worthless. Attempts to tie this franchise with the original LOTR trilogy (Legolas makes an appearance, and thankfully Orlando Bloom plays it well) come off as nothing more than time wasting. Even scenes from the book are completely butchered. The Hobbit will have to pull one hell of a third instalment in order to justify it’s existence.

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KEVIN HE

ANCHORMAN 2 As a sequel to what could be seen as Mckay’s and Ferrell’s greatest collaboration, Anchorman 2 fights a losing battle as no one could REALLY make a sequel to such a cult classic. Yet it’s not all bad: while the jokes miss more than they hit, when they hit it’s absolutely hilarious. Not even half as quotable as the first yet still raucously funny, Mckay and Ferrell’s trademark blunt humour and unsubtle beats works for the most part. Ron Burgundy and his team are tasked with working on the very first 24-hour news network, an idea seen as laughable at the time. Steve Carrell’s Brick is laid with a romantic plot to fill in time, and Kristen Wiig as Brick’s love interest is wasted with most of her dialogue eliciting coughs at best from the audience. Anchorman 2 is a comedy that had me laughing for the most part.

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FROZEN

As the second film in Disney’s modern ‘revamp’ of classic fairytales (this one taking inspiration from The Snow Queen), Frozen is not only one of the best films of 2013, but one of Disney’s greatest since their classic renaissance era, comparable to classics such as The Beauty and The Beast and The Lion King. Kristen Bell and Idina Menzel stun as the two sisters, one with the gift to control and create ice and snow. With gorgeous animation, amazing musical sequences and a constantly sharp and funny script, Frozen nearly nails it on every front. Disney delivers a story that is fresh and delightful in every scene. Though the overall arc lacks the emotional wallop that came with Tangled, the script delivers some great characters, some hilarious and touching moments, and some surprisingly modern twists. 49


WINNING THE LOT S

hirley Jackson in 1948 wrote a story called The Lottery about a village who gather together yearly to draw numbered tickets from a box. The winners of the year are the Hutchinson family, who then must draw five more tickets. Wife and mother Tessie Hutchinson draws a ticket with a black spot drawn on while the other family members’ tickets are blank. The story ends as the villagers form a circle around Tessie and begin to bombard her with a hail of stones and pebbles. Her last words before the story ends are, ‘It isn’t fair, it isn’t right.’ In 1992 in the third season of The Simpsons the episode ‘Dog of Death’ aired which begins with a 130 million dollar jackpot draw. The town goes wild and Homer becomes convinced he’s going to win. He tells Marge that the lottery is ‘the one ray of hope,’ in his ‘otherwise unbearable life.’ He doesn’t win because TV Newscaster Kent Brockman does, already working a $500,000 per-annum job and all Homer has to say is, ‘there’s one thing he can’t buy… a dinosaur!’ Jackson’s story features in this episode, described by Brockman as a ‘chilling tale of conformity gone mad,’ rather than tips on how to win the lottery, which causes Homer to throw his copy of the book onto the fire in disgust. 50

Long before Jackson’s short story and forever since that Simpsons episode, the lottery has been an object of attention in popular culture, both as inspiration for fictional stories and as a regular phenomenon, arousing special interest every time the prize money breaks a new record. The basic premise of the lottery hasn’t changed much since its inception. It’s documented that the lottery first began in 200 BC in the Chinese Han Dynasty, which was a drawing game, similar to Keno. It was introduced as a way to fund government projects such as the building of the Great Wall of China. When it made it’s way over to the Western world in the 16th century, it still funded the strengthening of the state but began to award ticket holders with individual prizes. From the 1700’s onwards, the lottery had become established as both a selfish form of gambling and on occasion, a way to raise money for charities. The lottery’s popularity exploded and has continued to grow since becoming a hefty financial reward for the winner. Record-breaking prizes have reached $600 to $800 million, a sum that, for most, is ridiculously inconceivable, but still sought after. In Australia the national record for prize collection was broken recently by a group of women who, on a whim, decided to put their change


TTERY from lunch together and buy a lottery ticket. Since winning the 70 million they have chosen to remain anonymous. This is not an unusual choice. There are countless stories of jackpot winners squandering their money, ending up bankrupt, developing bad habits and receiving phone calls from those who threaten, beg and lie in order to nab some of the winner’s sudden financial flood. The money becomes a kind of bad omen that, with its endless potential, brings anxiety and fear and becomes something which needs to be gotten rid of immediately. Similar to most ancient evil objects in most standard horror movies. Perhaps also there is a degree of guilt in having such an amount of unearned money. If a person spends her whole life working hard to earn the things she wants, then being able to trade a couple of dollars for 70 million of them seems to not fit with the standard procedure of life. It’s too good to be true. Which brings us back to the lottery in popular culture. Because the lottery is a strange phenomenon that creates a mixture of negative and positive consequences (even though wealth and winning and good luck are all supposed to be positive things) its continued representation in stories and its coverage in the news shows that

GOOD OR BAD LUCK? we as a culture are still trying to make sense of something we ourselves created. What stories like Shirley Jackson’s and the Simpsons episode mentioned above do, is alert consumers to their obsession with prize-winning. It isn’t much to spend a few dollars on a ticket but doing so does suggest something about the buyers. Even though they may spend every other hour of the day working to earn a living, they still hold a glimmer of hope for that simple exit strategy, the pot of gold before the rainbow ends, to bail them out of their drudgery of day-to-day existence. If that’s the case for you, it’s best to think of the lottery as an unlikely and non-essential but extremely rewarding investment. Should you happen to win the 70 million this next Powerball draw, first of all, keep your head down. Take a leave from work instead of quitting. Maybe spend only a quarter of a million on your long-awaited cruise around the world. And then, instead of springing for the solid-gold mansion and the army of butlers, see what you can do with your current homestead. Your prize money will never be infinite, so spend your winnings logically. Even when the amount you paid for the amount you received seems to totally defy logic.

TOM BENSLEY

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CHEEKY CHAPTERS

Banged Up M

Abroad

y mate and I were sitting at the beach, sipping on some bevies and chatting about our summer escapades abroad. She began pissing herself laughing, before proceeding to tell me a story. By the way, I’d like to thank her for sharing her mortifying experience with me.

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The English boy I wished for, I met only weeks before departing. At first, leaving was the worst timing possible. Although, after experiencing our little escapade, my departure couldn’t have come sooner. Everyone, meet Russ! He had amazing porcelain skin, dark hair and bright blue eyes. We quite literally bumped heads at the bar, he apologised by offering Her story went something like this… to buy me a fishbowl. If any of you are unfamiliar with a fishbowl, it’s a round bulSometimes you need to be careful in what bous type, clear glass bowl. It’s huge. you wish for. In my case, I wished to be Inside is a tasty cocktail with many straws swooped off my feet by some ravishing, for everyone to consume, or in my situyoung English bloke whilst I was abroad. ation just him and myself. It was a really My first stop was Oxford, where I smart way of locking in the next hour with resided for five months before moving on. I me, pulling all the right moves. worked at a pub, lived above that pub with He had a hilarious mate called about twelve other Aussies and we partied ‘Davo’ who ran across the dancefloor to almost every night in town. Being one of introduce himself. He rolled his ankle on the biggest University towns in England, an empty bottle, before splitting the crutch everyone loved to party! We were all there of his jeans. For the rest of the night we to have a good time and maybe enjoy a few endured the sight of beautiful green and cheeky hook-ups here and there. I vividly orange budgie smugglers. The three of us remember bringing some hot spunk back left the club hours later and hit up McDonto the pub, which almost got me fired. I alds, before heading home. We all cuddled failed to realise that there was surveillance up in the same bed, where I laid on the cameras. Surveillance that caught us end. I was drunk and passed out. I snored getting hot and heavy in the staircase and and dribbled on poor Russ’s shoulder. The surveillance of us sneaking into the next day, he told me what I had done and kitchen, making some midnight snacks. explained that it was cute. I don’t actually However even though he was fun, he understand what was cute about that, but wasn’t the English boy that I wished for.


each to their own. I had won this gorgeous, young strapping man over and he invited me out on a date. Being a year younger than me, I was quite taken back by his superb manners and gentleman-like characteristics. He pulled my chair out for me and wouldn’t even let me open my wallet. There’s something very sexy that still remains in chivalry, it reflects on the male as demonstrating that you’re more worthy than some cash in his wallet. We finished the date with a kiss. He walked me to my bus and we said goodbye. I didn’t want to say goodbye that night, as I had just completely fallen ‘in like’ with an English boy. The following Saturday rolled around and we both decided to meet up. I told him that I thought he was cute and he told me that he liked me. He wanted to book flights to Canada to see me there over New Years. It was all very exciting. That Saturday night I stayed at his house. Nothing happened, we were both drunken, sloppy fools. His penis would have ended up in my ear or something. The next morning I was introduced to the parents. We made breakfast and off he and I went on adventures for the day. We were both still drunk and he started to become a little toey. I had just finished my period, so I was a little nervous about doing anything. It was a day after, so I thought ‘fuck it’ and off we went, back to his. We crawled into his bed and began fooling around. His penis was perfect. He entered his fingers inside of me, as my back arched with pleasure. He pressed his naked body up against mine and we made out passionately. God it was awesome. As his fingers were deep inside of me, his phone began to ring. He pulled his fingers out and rolled over to grab it. While he was checking his phone, I couldn’t help but notice these little reddish-brown lumps all over his fingers. What the fuck? Did I just bleed on some poor dudes fingers? I think so. He stared intently at his fingers, trying to work out what they had

just absorbed themselves in. I rolled over to cover my embarrassed face, to then realise that the blood had transferred onto his Egyptian cotton sheets. Fuck my life. I quickly rolled back over the stupid patch of awkwardness and watched him wipe his fingers on the side of his bed. He noticed my change in attitude and asked me what was wrong. I couldn’t even breathe. I just wanted to die. I instantly told him that I was really tired and suggested that it was time for him to take me home. He was confused. I couldn’t understand why, as he had just fingered a pool of blood. Maybe he didn’t know what it was? But who the hell wouldn’t know. It was so obvious. He rolled out of bed and jumped in the shower. I grabbed his tracksuit pants, put them on, jumped out of bed and ripped a massive hole in them. I turn around and saw blood all over his sheets. I threw his tracksuit pants out the window onto the next-door neighbours roof, I don’t even know why. I was so nervous. I got changed and stood there, blankly staring at the red sea of I’m-so-fucking-doomedright-now. I had two options: commit suicide or tell him that I decided to do a bit of finger painting whilst he was in the shower. A bit far? My bad. The third was to just fess up and tell him that I had just bled everywhere. None of them sounded good. I could have just jumped out the window and done a runner? It would have been so simple, if I weren’t in some rare town in ANOTHER country! So, what did I do? I took his sheets off, all of them. I flipped his mattress. I then also flipped the sheets so that they were inside out. I put the gross bit down the end and made his bed. As I was finishing it all off, I acted as calm and collected as I could have possibly been. After all, I had literally marked my territory everywhere. > 53


He walked back in the room and started to get changed. He began looking around, before asking me where his tracksuit pants were. They were sitting perched on a roof right behind his head. I couldn’t stop staring at them and the huge, busted hole. I shrugged and said, ‘I don’t know?’ He thanked me for making the bed whilst getting ready and I pushed him out the door. That bus ride home was my awkward walk of shame, however he was doing it with me and we both had just experienced the worst possible thing without actually talking about it. I don’t

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know whether that was a smart move from my behalf and I still question to this day as to whether he found his perched tracksuit pants and tampered white sheets, but after he gave me that one last kiss goodbye, I knew that I would never be seeing him again!

SARAH LONG


blaire ten

EDITORIAL Emily Eaton Editor Sarah Long Creative Director Dave Lee Assistant Editor Jordan Ellis Advertising/Marketing CONTRIBUTORS Tom Bensley Life Benny Thompson Music Gemma Davies Life Tory Price Fashion Kevin He Entertainment Mitchell Pascoe Sport Mia Francisco Life Isobella Van Schaik Life Photography Daniel Sykes

Blaire Magazine is an Australian-based interactive publication dedicated to the arts and entertainment. Launched in 2012 as a blog project, Blaire’s initial success raised big interview and press opportunities, allowing for a relaunch in May 2013.

www.blairemagazine.com enquiries@blairemagazine.com ABN: 62359130068 55


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