Blitz Weekly by Blitz Weekly

VOL. 3 - ISSUE 18

Andrew J. Hewett

BLITZ News Shorts Hollywood Profile/Movie Review Music: Big In Belgium Stars News Mavs News Cowboys News COVER STORY: NHL Ice Girl Preview Meet Stars Ice Girl Robbyn Melting Ice: The Hottest Ice Girls BLITZ BABE: Natalie NFL Wild Card Weekend Love That Crisis Blitz Toys Blitz Food: Nam Hua Restaurant Crossword / Jokes / Horrorscopes Last Call: Aftermath

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PUBLISHER Kelly G. Reed EDITOR Jeff Putnam CREATIVE DIRECTOR / WEBSITE / GRAPHIC DESIGN Damien William Mayfield COVER Cover Photography: Mark Eleven Photography Big Country Ice Crew: Kylah Cover Design: Damien William Mayfield STAFF PHOTOGRAPHERS John Breen, Darryl Briggs, Gregg Case, Nathaniel Chadwick, Steven Hendrix, Kevin Jacobson, Joe Lorenzini, Chuck Majors, Matt Pearce, Ed Westerman CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHERS Sam Chase, Manny Flores, Drew Friestedt, Frank Fuchs, Mehmet Karatay, Gregory Miller, Jorge Mejia Peralta, Adam Prince, Pete Silver, Rob Stinnett, Damien D., Landii, Silverback99 STAFF WRITERS Tony Barone, Geoff Case, Sam Chase, Vivian Fullerlove, Robin George, Frank LaCosta, Pat Moran, Richard S. Pollak and Jesse Whitman CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Jay Betsill, Kris Boudreau, Adam Bruster, Dennis Hambright, Andrew J. Hewett, Mark Miller, H. Todd J. Moore, Justine Vanthilt CONTACT US MAIN NUMBER 214-529-7370 FAX NUMBER 972-960-8618 kreed@blitzweekly.com

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Photo Courtesy: Damien D.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK “Hockey is a man’s game. The team with the most real men wins.” — Brian Burke

www.chewednews.com

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HE LOVED SOCCER MUCH Man playing real-life Frogger hit by SUV Ohio man blames Ozzy Osbourne for traffic arrest

An Ohio drunken-driving suspect is blaming his arrest on Ozzy Osbourne. William Liston was arrested Christmas Eve in suburban Cleveland. WJW-TV says he told police officers, “Ozzy Osbourne and his music made me do it.” Osbourne’s hits as lead singer of heavy metal band Black Sabbath and as a solo artist include “Paranoid” and “Road to Nowhere.” Liston is awaiting arraignment. He’s to appear in court Tuesday on a charge of operating a vehicle while impaired. In an unrelated case, Liston pleaded not guilty Thursday in Cuyahoga (ky-uh-HOH’guh) County Common Pleas Court in a November break-in at a medical office. He was released on bond. Telephone calls to the 33-year-old Liston’s home in Aurora have gone unanswered.

Purse from Fla. school board shooting sold on eBay

A man has been hospitalized after police in South Carolina say he was hit by an SUV while playing a real-life version of the video game Frogger. Authorities said the 23-year-old man was taken to a hospital in Anderson after he was struck at around 9 p.m. Monday. In the Frogger arcade game, players move frogs through traffic on a busy road and through a hazard-filled river. Before he was hit, police say the man had been discussing the game with his friends. Chief Jimmy Dixon says the man yelled “go” and darted into oncoming traffic in the four-lane highway. No charges are expected against the driver. The name of the man who was struck has not been released. He was in stable condition Monday night.

The purse a Florida school board member used to smack a man who was holding other board members at gunpoint has sold for more than $13,000 in an auction. Authorities say the Brahmin purse Ginger Littleton used Dec. 14 in an unsuccessful attempt to disarm gunman Clay Duke after sneaking up on him sold Wednesday for $13,100 on eBay. The buyer lives in Alexandria, Va., and asked to remain anonymous. The purse manufacturer, based in Fairhaven, Mass., says it will match the bid. That means the charity founded by Mike Jones, the security guard who shot and wounded Duke before the latter killed himself, will get a total of $26,200 from the sale. The purse is from the discontinued Almond Collection and originally sold for $345.

News services, Edinburg, TX., Dec. 23, 2010, told of Hector Castro, 28, a super-super soccer fan, who let nothing get in his way of watching a World Cup match–not even the non-stop crying of his 2-year-old stepdaughter. After an emergency 911 call, “Police say a screw apparently was forced down her throat in an attempt to make it (the child’s death) look like she had choked.”

HER LATTE WAS NAS-TY

The 2010 List of America’s Worst Bosses released by www.eBossWatch.com was based on news reports and court documents on more than 200 bosses. Dallas’s Fire-Rescue Chief Eddie Burns was #1. For instance, after three female employees filed sexual-harassment suits, they were paid $175k, $50k and $30k. In one case, tests proved that the milky fluid floating inside employee Cheryl Hill’s coffee cup was human sperm.

LOVE? HURTS

News services, Houston, Dec. 15, 2010, told of a 54-year-old father, Predrag Perisic, who wanted his two children so badly he violated custody restrictions by taking them home with him. He wanted them so much that when authorities arrived, rather than surrender, Perisic shot his 10-year-old son to death, but only wounded his 12-year-old daughter.

HOLLYWOOD PROFILE with Ben Stiller

by Vivian Fullerlove “Entertainment’s Real Critic”

Well, you had to know it was coming sooner or later. There are just too many off-color puns and innuendos to be made with the word Fockers in the title. So now we have it! Ben Stiller and friends are back on the big screen with the third installment in the popular family franchise. It’s time to meet the Little Fockers. It has taken 10 years for Greg (Ben Stiller) to finally get “in” with his tightly wound father-in-law, Jack (Robert De Niro). After the cash-strapped dad takes a job moonlighting for a drug company, however, Jack’s suspicions about his favorite male nurse come roaring back. But with all the misunderstandings, spying and covert missions, will Greg pass Jack’s final test and become the family’s next patriarch…or will the circle of trust be broken for good? I talked with Stiller about the enduring popularity of the Fockers and on reuniting with Bobby, Barb and the gang! Why do you think this series continues to entertain audiences after all this time? Basically, the idea of the father-in-law, son-in-law relationship, and the idea of how you deal with that guy who is giving his daughter over to you, is universal. I was going through that literally when we were doing the first one. I asked my father-in-law if it was cool for me to ask his daughter to marry me. That’s just something in our culture and around the world that people can identify with. You want to

impress that person, and then there’s the feelings a father has about letting go of a daughter. So that combined with the chemistry between everybody [and] it feels like it’s had a very legitimate sort of life. Robert De Niro, who plays your father-in-law in the movie, does seem to be that perfect image of the intimidating father-in-law. How has it been working with him on this series of movies? For me, it’s all about being able to work with Robert De Niro and Owen [Wilson]. You know it’s just fun anytime you get the chance to work with those guys. I still feel excited coming to work with Bob. I feel comfortable calling him Bob finally after ten years. You mentioned Owen Wilson. You guys are becoming a regular on screen dynamic duo. Working with Owen is always a lot of fun for me. I know we’ve done a lot of movies together. Creatively, I always get excited working with him. I just think he’s a genuinely funny person who has been really smart as a writer, and he really gets who this character is and finds these little subtleties and nuances. The Little Fockers is playing in theatres everywhere and is rated PG-13 for mature sexual humor throughout, language and some drug content.

by H. Todd J. Moore – “Freelance Hubrist”

True Grit

I went to watch the remake of True Grit with mixed feelings. On the one hand, “How dare they!” Some films are holy ground. Remake Casablanca? Citizen Kane? It’s just not done, and the very thought is nigh unto blasphemy. While the original True Grit may not have made the AFI’s Top 100, John Wayne did receive Best Actor for his role in ’69. As before, the plot is from the 1968 Charles Portis novel of the same name. The father of a 14-year-old girl, Mattie Ross (Hailee Steinfeld), is killed, and she sets out to bring the killer (played by Josh Brolin) to justice. Inquiring about U.S. Marshalls, she discovers that one in particular is known for his overall meanness. This is of course the drunken Rooster Cogburn (Jeff Bridges). Aided by Texas Ranger LaBoeuf (Matt Damon), they set out into The Indian Territories to track down the killer and the gang he is riding with. As they do so, we discover that not all 14-year-old girls are made the same. This one is made of steel! I appreciated the visual elements of the film. The sparse countryside suited the setting of the story. The acting was good, but at times did seem a bit stilted. I grew curious as to how a Coen Brothers film could have such clumsily delivered lines. Perhaps they knew they were walking on holy ground – maybe even treading on The Duke’s grave.

So here is the puzzle – how to do a Coenbrothers quality film, do a better job with the film than the original, while still respecting The Duke. Linguistic elements from the 19th Century and the script’s dated vocabulary indicated that the film researchers were trying to create an authentic period piece. Yet there were no contractions. We have very little in the way of actual auditory recording from the mid19th Century, but contractions in the English language were used by Shakespeare in the 16th century and were common in spoken English in the mid-to-late-19th century. Given that the Coen Brothers understood this, the dialogue was created this way to say something. I believe they were creating a classical otherness to make us feel the difference of the landscape of that time from the one in which we live. Also, it might have been a way of saying, “Sure, we’re remaking a classic, and we’re going to do our best to make it authentic. But The Duke came first, and we honor that.” Because no matter how good at making movies the Brothers Coen are, or how well Jeff Bridges was able to portray Rooster Cogburn, the entire cast and crew were intimately aware of a simple, timeless fact: you do not disrespect John Wayne.

www.farinesfood.com

Arsenal – Lotuk

2. Not a Man

Arsenal – Lotuk

3. Egun

Arsenal – Lotuk

4. Who We Are

Arsenal – Lotuk

5. Lotuk

Arsenal – Lotuk

6. Denikemba

Arsenal – Lotuk

7. Turn Me Loose

Arsenal – Lotuk

8. Selvagem

Arsenal – Lotuk

9. Diggin a Hole

Arsenal – Lotuk

10. Letter

Arsenal – Lotuk

Alexander Calder – Form, Balance, Joy Nasher Sculpture Center – Dallas Many of us know the father of mobiles from trips to the National Gallery or the Hirshhorn in Washington, D.C. Those who know his work won’t want to miss this, those who don’t will be amazed.

Thur 1/6

O Brother, Werewolf Art Thou? Pocket Sandwich Theatre – Dallas Re-opening after a New Year’s extravaganza, this production promises great fun, with a chance to throw popcorn at the villain and otherwise encourage Detective Dick Spatula in his quest for the truth.

Fri 1/07

Wed 1/15

MUSIC: Arsenal Lotuk 1. Estupendo

by Justine Vanthilt

Sat – 1/08

3d Coast Tribal Belly Dance Rose Marine Theater – Fort Worth A big event for practitioners of the art as well as those of us who just like to watch. Why not make a weekend of it and stay with the jiggling pilgrims at the Country Inn and Suites?

Sun – 1/09

Black Dog Revisited: A Jazz Jam Scat Jazz Lounge – Fort Worth The jam session that took place at the Black Dog for many years has come to the Scat Jazz Lounge. A great way for belly dance aficionados to end their weekend in Fort Worth. No cover.

Mon – 1/10

lessly combined to create a smooth, hypnotic ambient sound. Around since 1999, the band’s two music-makers, Hendrik Willemyns and John Roan, rely on guest artists such as Brad’s Shawn Smith and Hüsker Dü’s Grant Hart to provide extra dimension to their already velvet sound. One of their more Bossa Nova-esque tracks, “A Volta,” was featured on the last episode of HBO’s Six Feet Under. From their second-to-last album, Oyebo Soul, released in 2004, “A Volta” epitomizes the global beats and feel of their work. Their most recent album from 2008, Lotuk, extended this worldly and expansive sensibility with their hit, “Estupendo.” Yet what is so relevant about a band whose last albums date back eight or three years ago? Coolness. Walk into any trendy café in Antwerp or Brussels and there’s a good chance you’ll hear Arsenal over the loudspeakers. They are timeless, they are cross-cultural, they are very, very cool. Furthermore, they are scheduled to release a new album this Spring, and chances are they will get more airplay, or at least more soundtrack gigs, on the American side of the Atlantic. Not that it will help make Belgium easier to locate on a map, but some of Belgium’s musical artists prove this country’s offerings are worth discovering. Beer and chocolate aside, of course. Both artists can be found on Facebook, iTunes and MySpace. Stromae does Twitter (in French). For more information: www. arsenal-music.com and www.stromae.org.

Remembering Tom Landry Hall of State – Dallas Those who missed this retrospective, which was one of the most popular exhibits at the State Fair, will have a chance to catch up. The man “Tommy” comes to life as well as the coach.

Tues – 1/11

Belgium, a tiny country hardly anyone can pinpoint on a map, isn’t known for much beyond beer and chocolate. Certainly not music. Probably the most memorable Belgian to make it into American musical consciousness was the Singing Nun with her catchy refrain of “Dominique, -nique, -nique…” and that was in 1963. Now, Belgium has two musical acts poised to break through, one from Brussels, another from Ghent. Eschewing the tough guy wardrobe of bling and tattoos, Stromae, a rapper of Belgian-Rwandan descent usually dons a retro-nerdy bowtie. Stromae’s moniker is equally quaint; its slang-play on the word “Maestro.” But master he is. His track “Alors On Danse” stormed the charts across a dozen European countries, landing the number one spot for weeks. Stateside, the music scene noticed, as “Alors On Danse,” has already been sampled and remixed by Kanye West and is available for US listeners on iTunes. Like the Singing Nun, Stromae croons in French, but his sound can be described as rap mixed with downer ballads and an occasional horn section. To be more specific, the French edition of GQ magazine actually quantified Stromae’s vibe as “12% Malcolm X, 57% Jacques Brel and 31% Technotronic.” Whatever Stromae’s mix of influences, he’s both nostalgic and very now. Another band from Belgium, Arsenal, also presents a confluence of styles: rock, dance, afro-beats and Brazilian. All effort-

Viva Dallas Burlesque Lakewood Theater – Dallas Sexy fun in one of the best crossroads in Dallas. Lots to do before and after the show, and the three-hour show itself is advertised as something to “keep you giggling”—if you’re over 18.

El Greco’s Pentecost Meadows Museum – Dallas With this international program, the first of its type, SMU inaugurates a three-year partnership with Madrid’s Prado. El Greco’s masterpiece is a great way to begin. Not to be missed. If you know of a cool event or concert coming up, send some info our way at editor@blitzweekly.com

STARS News

by Tony Barone

“The Senior Sports Authority”

Struggle against Western Powers The Dallas Stars finished 2010 on a lack- Schneider made 44 saves to bail out luster note, losing all three home games in teammates who admitted they were outthe last week of the year, including lopsided played for much of the game. “Dallas was losses to Western Conference powers De- probably the better team overall for 60 mintroit and Vancouver. utes, but sometimes all you need is a good Jason LaBarbera stopped 29 shots for his power play and a good goalie,” said Daniel fifth career shutout, Kyle Turris scored in Sedin. the second period, and the Phoenix Coyotes “I think tonight we played a pretty strong hung on to beat the Dallas Stars 1-0 on Sun- game, but we had some adversity and it day night. came in the form of penalties that were self “We had a number of chances, but some- inflicted for the most part and we didn’t have times you just get beat by a hot goaltender,” any confidence in our penalty kill,” said Stars coach Marc Crawford said. Stars Coach Marc Crawford. “I thought that Dallas Net Minder Kari Lehtonen made maybe we were reading their press clippings 25 saves for the about how good Stars, who had their power play been 10-0-3 in is, and it seemed to their previous 13 me, we were back home games. on our heels, and Andrew Raywhen we got agcroft made 44 gressive on the pensaves, and the alty kill, I thought Stars extended we killed much betthe Predators’ loster.” ing streak to five The Dallas Stars games with a 4-2 have agreed to a win on Tuesday six-year contract night. extension with de “Our goalie fenseman Trevor played unbelievDaley. The deal, able,” Stars defenwhich will lock up seman Stephane Daley through the Robidas said. 2016-17 season, is “Without him worth $19.8 million we didn’t have a or $3.3 million per chance.” year. Dallas coach “Trevor is a big Marc Crawford part of our team gave Robidas, and an important who blocked four member of our blue shots and made a line,” said Stars team-leading five general manager Joe Upcoming Schedule: hits, much of the credNieuwendyk. “At 27 @ Blackhawks 7:30pm it for the way the Stars 1/5 years of age, we feel vs Rangers 7:30pm performed defensive- 1/7 his career is pointing ly. up. We expect him to 1/9 @ Wild 5:00pm “Actually, Robidas 1/11 vs Oilers continue to develop 7:30pm should have been the and grow as he takes first star,” Crawford an even bigger role on said. “He blocked a lot of shots. He cleaned our team. We are pleased to have him under up a lot of the problems that we had.” contract for another six seasons.” The Detroit Red Wings scored six The Stars are controlled by lenders to straight goals in a 7-3 victory over Dallas on bankrupt team owner Tom Hicks, and the Wednesday night. team is for sale. Nieuwendyk got the go “We played last night. They were proba- ahead from the lenders, and the NHL, to bly over there saying, ‘They’ll be tired. Let’s offer a long-term deal to Daley, who could get on them quick,’” Stars captain Brenden have become an unrestricted free agent after Morrow said after his team dropped its third the season. straight at home. The team has five more potential unre Daniel and Henrik Sedin scored power- stricted free agents, including top-line center play goals, and backup goalie Cory Schnei- Brad Richards. Nieuwendyk said re-signing der took care of the rest for the streaking Richards is his next priority, although he Vancouver Canucks as they beat the Stars knows working out a long-term deal with 4-1 on New Year’s Eve. the team’s best player won’t be easy.

Crossword Solution

MAVS News

by Geoff Case “NBA Analyst”

MavS hit with major injury League who despite some struggles has put Who is out: The Mavericks suffered three injuries to up some impressive numbers for the Texas major contributors in the last five games Legends. He is an extremely raw player but and one looks like it might cost them their has the ability to get to the rim whenever he season. The Mavericks were just hitting wants. Whether or not he’ll actually get the their stride and praise was coming down on ball in there is an entirely different matter. them from everywhere in the NBA. Suddenly, Dirk Nowitzki strained his right knee In the Meantime: and the Mavericks had to struggle to stay Depending on when Nowitzki returns and competitive with lower echelon teams, go- the seriousness of Butler’s injury, getting ing 1-3 at press time in his absence. Now- Jason Terry back on track is key. Terry is itzki has been remarkably durable through- normally one of Dallas’s fourth-quarter out his career, never missing more than six closers, but when he’s struggling from the field, as he was in games in a season the losses against and only one in each San Antonio and of the past two years. Milwaukee, the ofPlaying without fense goes comDirk Nowitzki has pletely stagnant. meant other MaverAnd Jason Terry has icks have to step up been ice cold, going in his absence. 17 for 52 over the The task possibly first three games of got even tougher for Dirk’s absence and Dallas with Caron 5 of 18 from 3-point Butler going down range. One of the Saturday at MilwauMavericks top scorkee and Shawn Maring options outside ion sitting out with a of Dirk cannot shoot bruised thigh. Butler 32.7 percent from injured his right knee the floor and expect in the first quarter to win many games. and didn’t return and Mavs coach Rick it looks like he sufCarlisle, however, fered a torn patellar said he doesn’t lose tendon which could confidence in Terry have him out for no matter what’s anywhere from 2-3 happening within a months to the entire game. “When he has season. Butler is the the ball in his hands, team’s third-leading and when he’s on the scorer at 15 points court, he’s a gameper game. He plays changer like Dirk,” an average of 30 Carlisle said. “He’s minutes. A long abgoing to create space sence could be espeon the floor for othcially costly to him ers.” Carlisle said on because he will be a Upcoming Schedule: those occasions when free agent after this 1/6 vs Thunder 7:00pm Terry can’t seem to season. The Maver1/8 vs Magic 7:30pm hit the side of a barn, icks might be willing 6:00pm he keeps telling his to trade him and his 1/12 @ Pacers star sixth man to keep expiring contract so they can get something in return and possi- jacking it up. Is this evidence of unshakbly help with the scoring load come playoff able confidence in Jason Terry? No, this is time. They would likely have to package a desperate coach who has no other options some picks and some talent if they want to making the best of a horrible situation. He’s find a replacement for Butler’s production. got to hope that Jason Terry can find his There is hope that Rodrigue Beaubois, who stroke because every clang of the rim might is recovering from a broken foot, can replace as well be a bell to signal the Mavs’ descent some offensive production but don’t expect in the playoff standings. much. He hasn’t played since the summer and has suffered several setbacks during his recovery. The Mavs have also called up first round pick Dominique Jones from the D-

NBA: Thunder vs. Mavericks

Thur. January 6 – 7:00PM – American Airlines Center – TNT The MASH unit known as the Dallas Mavericks hosts the Oklahoma City Thunder. The ailing Mavs have Dirk on the sideline in street clothes and Caron Butler will miss the rest of the season. That means other players have to step up and Dominique Jones gets some playing time. Watching Kevin Durant is a treat as well.

College Football: #11 LSU vs. #18 Texas A&M

Fri. January 7 – 7:00PM – Cowboys Stadium – FOX The 75th edition of the Cotton Bowl pits the Tigers against the Aggies. The last time they played against each other was in 1995. The series started back in 1899 and LSU leads alltime with a 26-20-3 record. The Mad Hatter has been splitting his QB duties between Jordan Jefferson and Jarrett Lee. The Tigers have a stellar defense. The Aggies are led by Ryan Tannehill and Cyrus Gray.

NFL: Jets vs. Colts

Sat. January 8 – 7:00PM – Lucas Oil Stadium – NBC A rematch from last year’s AFC Title game. Sanchez has another year of experience under his belt and the Jets defense is still a top unit. Manning is still the ultimate modern day field general even though he doesn’t have his regular arsenal of receivers to work with. It’ll come down to the Jets offense and the Colts defense to decide who wins.

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College Football: #2 Oregon vs. #1 Auburn

Mon. January 10 – 7:30PM – U. of Phoenix Stadium – ESPN The SEC is once again represented in the final college game of the season that matters when the Auburn Tigers take on the Oregon Ducks in the BCS title game. Auburn has Cam Newton and Oregon has LaMichael James in the spotlight. This should be a high scoring affair (the Over/Under is set at 74). Oregon’s defense is ranked 14th in the country while Auburn’s is 54th.

STARS

MAVS

by Jay Betsill “Man On the Inside”

Photos Courtesy: Crystal Clear Media

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by Jay Betsill - “Man On The Inside”

by Kris Boudreau - “Voice Out West”

Lincoln Financial Field – Sunday, January 9, 3:30 p.m. – FOX

Lucas Oil Stadium – Saturday, January 8, 7 p.m. – NBC

The Philadelphia Eagles and Green Bay Packers are set to meet in the final game of the NFL’s Wild Card Weekend. These two teams have plenty of history. The Eagles defeated the Packers 17-13 back in the 1960 NFL Championship game. It was 50 years ago and the last time the Eagles were the champs. More recently, it was Green Bay linebacker Clay Matthews who knocked Kevin Kolb out in week one, thereby leading to Michael Vick’s rebirth as a franchise quarterback and his starting spot in the Pro Bowl. The Eagles finished this season just as they did a year ago, losing to the Dallas Cowboys in Week 17. Then Donovan McNabb had led the Eagles to an 11-5 record before they crumbled down the stretch and fell to Dallas in the first round. For all of the excitement Vick has created, the Eagles finished 10-6 and also crumbled down the stretch. The Packers had to win in Week 17

against the Chicago Bears just to get into the postseason. By virtue of their 10-3 win, they will be in Philly and still have their 27-20 victory over the Eagles fresh in their mind. “We feel very good about our chances,” Packers coach Mike McCarthy said. “We’ll play anybody, anytime, anywhere. That’s been our motto, and we’re well oiled. We’ve been challenged and learned from those challenges. Trust me, we’ll be ready when we get to Philadelphia.” This could be the best game of the weekend as the Eagles have exciting offensive players such as Vick and DeSean Jackson, while the Packers have excelled at pressuring the quarterback all season. A big factor could end up being Eagles coach Andy Reid deciding to rest his starters against Dallas. Everyone knows how big momentum can be leading into the playoffs and the Packers will have it on their side heading onto Lincoln Financial Field.

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The Colts and Jets will face off on Wild Card Weekend in a rematch of last year’s AFC Championship game that brought the Colts to their second Super Bowl of the decade. Indy and New York are the same in the fact that Indy, yet again, won the AFC South and the Jets are coming in as a wild card. However, both teams are dramatically different than last year. The Colts do not seem to be the same dominating AFC power as they have been in the past, clinching their title in the final week of the season when Jacksonville lost to Houston. Finishing at 10-6, the Colts are still a dangerous team to face in the playoffs. A plethora of injuries plagued the team for much of the season including those to three starting offensive linemen, backup running back Mike Hart on offense, and starting linebacker Clint Sessions and safeties Kelvin Hayden and Bob Sanders on defense. But at the most important position, the Colts still have Hall-of-Famer Peyton Manning finding a

way to spread the ball around the field to relatively unknown receivers. While seemingly not as dominant as in seasons past, the Colts will be hard to beat at home in the first round. The Jets on the other hand did not sneak up on anyone this year. After their unlikely run with a rookie quarterback and head coach last year, the Jets this season were on everyone’s short-list to compete for a Super Bowl. The Jets were a dominant team for most of the year but could not capture a division title and home game in the playoffs because their rival, the Patriots, dominated the NFL and were favored to win the Super Bowl. Mark Sanchez has improved since last year’s playoff run as a rookie and the Jets have proven they can win against the NFL’s best teams, beating the Pats at home in Week Two and the Steelers on the road in Week 15 to stop their only twogame losing streak of the year.

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by Frank LaCosta - “Football Fanatic”

by Mark Miller - “The Dallasite from the North”

Qwest Field – Saturday, January 8, 3:30 p.m. – NBC

Arrowhead Stadium – Sunday, January 9, Noon - CBS

The Saints begin this postseason on the road as they attempt to defend their Super Bowl title. The Seahawks on the other hand might be the worst NFL team to ever make the playoffs and will need their “12th Man” to have any chance of success. The two teams met earlier this season in New Orleans with the Saints getting the 34-19 win. First year Head Coach Pete Carroll leads the Seahawks back into the postseason after a two-year hiatus. Though Charlie Whitehurst led the team to victory in the last week of the season to secure the playoff spot, he will likely be the backup behind veteran QB Matt Hasselbeck. The ground game is handled by RB Marshawn Lynch who has yet to reach the century mark this season. WR Mike Williams (USC) is the “go-to” guy, leading the team in receptions and receiving yards. The Seahawks defense has been lackluster and it appears they won the NFC West due to the

ineptness of their division rivals. The Saints have experience on their side and are still the exciting team to follow in the NFC, with a supercharged offense that can put up points in a hurry and a defense that maintains a bend-but-don’t-break philosophy. They come in as a wild card team since the Atlanta Falcons won the NFC South. Head Coach Sean Payton will bring out a few plays that haven’t been used during the regular season. This season QB Drew Brees put up 33 TDs and 4,620 yards through the air. With creative plays, he is able to spread the ball to several different receivers. The committee approach has worked well for the running backs this year but Chris Ivory and Pierre Thomas are a bit banged up. Look for Reggie Bush to be used more. If the Saints can execute on offense they should have no problem playing in the Divisional Round.

This game features two young, upcoming coaches and quarterbacks. Todd Haley, a candidate for coach of the year, led the Chiefs to their first playoff spot since 2006 while Baltimore’s John Harbaugh has the Ravens in the playoffs for the third straight year. Chiefs quarterback Matt Cassel had 27 touchdown passes with counterpart Joe Flacco throwing for 25. Flacco must improve on his postseason statistics where he’s only thrown one touchdown pass and had five interceptions. However, the Ravens have won three of those five games, all on the road. Kansas City’s strength is its league-leading rushing attack led by Jamaal Charles with 1,467 yards and an NFL-best 6.7 yards per carry. The Ravens’ strength is their defense led by linebacker Ray Lewis and cornerback Ed Reed. Lewis recovered two fumbles and Reed had two interceptions in Baltimore’s 13-7 victory over Cincinnati last Sunday. Baltimore’s offense is balanced thanks to

the running of Ray Rice (1,220 yards) and receiving of veterans Anquan Boldin (64 catches) and Derrick Mason (61) who each scored seven touchdowns. Boldin played for Arizona’s 2009 Super Bowl team while Mason became just the third player in NFL history (after Jerry Rice and Tony Gonzalez) with at least 60 catches in 11 consecutive seasons. While on the run, Chiefs receiver Dwayne Bowe had 74 catches and 15 touchdowns. And while the players are new to the playoffs, their coordinators Charlie Weis and Romeo Crennel have been in a combined six Super Bowls. The Ravens enter the game with a fourgame winning streak while Kansas City dropped its final game 31-10 to Oakland. It was the Chiefs’ lone loss at home this year while the Ravens were 5-3 on the road. Baltimore has plenty of experience on the road as in addition to its five playoff games away from home the last two years, its only Super Bowl in 2000 came as a wild card team.

Photos Courtesy: Jorge Mejia Peralta, Frank Fuchs

by Dennis Hambright

I remember when I was a kid, hearing the neighbor ladies talking about a neighbor named Darrell, and how he suffered from some horrid disease. They talked about how tragic it was and how sorry they felt for his poor wife, and how they hoped it never happened to them. They went on and on about it, and the more they talked, the scarier it sounded. I didn’t know what it was, but I knew I didn‘t want to catch it. I vowed to wash my hands and take my vitamins and never eat another cookie from under the couch or an M&M I found in that deep crack in the back seat of the car. One lady said that if her husband ever had this horrible condition she’d kick him out and take every dime he had and make sure the rest of his life was a living hell. Holy crap! This thing must be like leprosy or something, and any kid that’s ever been to Sunday school knows that’s some bad stuff. Then, with venom in their voices, they spoke the name of this plague: Midlife Crisis. The neighborhood men talked about Darrell too. But they said things like, “That lucky dog,” and “I wish I could do that.” Either these guys were tougher than marauding Spartans and feared nothing, or I was missing something. Let’s see. The women hated Darrell and agreed his wife should ruin his life. The men secretly envied him and talked about it in whispers like they did when they talked about the lady that jogged in the park and wore white spandex pants and a pink bikini top, and looked like she fell off the cover of Playboy.

www.dennishambright.com

Wait a minute. I get it now. This is like when a man works his butt off all his life and raises his family, and then when the kids are grown he wants a new bass boat or a motorcycle or a red sports car. Instead he gets new living room furniture and remodels the kitchen. This isn’t about being a bad thing. This is about a man being whipped and being afraid to say he likes the old couch and as long as the food still comes out hot and tasty, why remodel the kitchen? This midlife crisis stuff is just another example of our sociological wires getting all crossed up. I hear women complain all the time about husbands not being fun anymore, and just sitting on the couch and watching TV, and never wanting to go out and do things like they used to. But if a man starts getting in better shape and dressing nicer and tries to recapture some of the fun and vigor in life, he gets accused of having a midlife crisis. Hey, I say it sounds like a great thing to do. Get healthier, have more fun and enjoy the fruits of working hard all those years. What’s wrong with that? Here’s a hint, ladies. If you think midlife crisis means a man is going to find some hot new honey to replace you, then get out from under that truck-load of insecurity and hop on the fun bus with him. Crank out a few sit-ups of your own, and climb on the back of that motorcycle or into that new car, and maybe he won’t be inclined to find somebody new, because he can enjoy the one he picked in the first place…you. I promise, it’ll be a lot more fun than a new sofa or kitchen cabinets.

Have fun breaking your New Year’s resolutions You know you’re going to break them anyway, so at least have fun while failing to keep your New Year’s resolutions. Besides, actually keeping your New Year’s resolutions is so 2010. This year, instead of overloading your conscience with guilt over your inability to stop smoking/over-eating/gambling/binge drinking/swearing/insert bad habit here, you can embrace your failures and really indulge. Losing Weight - That old joke, “my six-pack’s in the cooler” is probably getting really old to your girlfriend or wife, but you need to be realistic. Don’t throw out your fat clothes just yet. You will probably never have the abs of th-----, but you can at least go from a king size bed to a queen and maybe eat fast food only once a week. And I know you are going to want to run out and buy a gym membership with your renewed enthusiasm in the new year, but don’t waste your money or kill your chance to be a contestant on America’s Biggest Loser. Smoking - Apparently, tobacco is more addictive than heroin, but I’m sure a heroin addict said that. Still, it is true that this one can be hard to beat and you might fail terribly. If you’re going to smoke anyway, try rolling your own cigarettes. That way you’ll be spared the toxic chemical additives in regular cigarettes, you’ll save money, and you won’t smoke as much because of the time it takes to roll each one. You will still get to smoke, but you won’t have the annoying things that come with it. Drinking - Get really drunk one night, I mean pissing on yourself-waking up in a pile of dogsh!t-you forgot your first name drunk. Have a friend videotape your drunken path of destruction, and then in the morning while you are suffering a hangover which includes spending half the day bent over the toilet bowl and cursing your existence while your head throbs as if you’ve got a massive head injury, watch it and be horrified. If that doesn’t get you to quit binge drinking then you need professional help and quite possibly divine intervention. Get Out of Debt - Just thinking about your pathetic bank account is enough to get you to start smoking and drinking again, so this common resolution is kind of counter-productive. All that planning for the future… I know it’s the responsible thing to do, but take it one credit card at a time without driving the others up.

An Exercise Routine for the New Year by Adam Bruster

It is the start of a new year. A time when gym memberships surge, personal goals are formed, and eager-exercisers hit the gyms with New Year’s resolutions on their minds. Fitness centers will be packed full of members with good intentions and positive attitudes. And then…February rolls around. During this month, gym usage drops back down to a normal level. Let’s take a look at why this exercise abandonment occurs, and how to keep it from happening to you. A common mistake that people make is setting a goal that is too ambitious and not reasonable. For an individual who has not exercised in over a year, here is an example of a goal that is too ambitious: going to the gym five times a week for two hours each visit. This is too much of a jump from a sedentary to an overly-active lifestyle, and a routine that some pro athletes don’t even follow. This dramatic increase in activity can also lead to injury. The main problem with this specific goal, for most people, is that the routine is far too demanding for a person who has a family at home and long hours at the workplace. The individual may be able to pull off this routine for a week or two, but after that, he or she comes to realize that the schedule is too demanding and quits altogether. People also abandon an exercise routine for a very simple reason: it is not fun. If something is not enjoyable, we will not continue down that path. It is the same principle that applies to people who are miserable at their job and dread going to work on a daily basis. It is difficult to find motivation for an activity that we do not genuinely enjoy. Listed here are a couple of tips for setting goals that will keep you exercising past January and throughout the new year:

“Health & Fitness Guru”

*Set Small, Reasonable Goals: Remember that Rome was not built in a day. Start off with goals that are easily attainable and give you a foundation to build on. Don’t set yourself up for failure in the beginning. For example, tell yourself that you must get in three, twenty-minute workouts a week. No matter what, find time to fit in these workouts. They could include two resistance training sessions and one day of basketball, or walking/running. Just get out there and be active. This may not sound like much exercise, but for someone who has been sedentary, it is the perfect way to get started on the right path. When you feel like the workouts are not challenging enough and you are ready to move forward, increase the time to thirty minutes each session for three to four days a week. By setting reasonable goals that are met on a weekly basis, you give yourself a sense of accomplishment, pride, and increased self-esteem. *Choose Activities That You Enjoy: Find a mode of exercise that you enjoy putting time and effort into; otherwise, you will make excuses to skip the activity. If you are someone who is stuck in an office all day and like being outdoors whenever possible, then by all means get outside. You can walk/jog outside, do bodyweight squats/pushups/pullups, go mountain biking, signup for an outdoor boot camp, or join a flag football or basketball league. Start the year off with an exercise goal that is attainable, enjoyable, and can withstand your lifestyle for the long run. *Consult physician before beginning an exercise program

Birdkeeper Dear BLITZbudsman: I’m a recent grad, female, with a major in ornithology. There aren’t that many jobs out there for people like me, so I was happy to be offered the job of swan-keeper for one of the country’s wealthiest men. During my tour of the gardens behind this man’s mansion I was immediately impressed by the size of the water park his swans had been given. The lawns and gardens were wellmaintained and the gardener was friendly and sober during my visit. The salary was way more than any of the zoos were paying for degreed birdkeepers and I was being offered room and board. My room was down in the basement next to the laundry, and I had to share a bathroom with the laundry girl, who didn’t speak any English, but I was glad that my new job wasn’t too perfect. The gardener’s wife speaks perfect English. Unfortunately, the last I heard of it was when I was given the tour of the estate. She and the gardener live in a separate complex out by the tennis courts. I hear she’s jealous of me—God knows why. Her husband is more than twice my age and reeks of alcohol, tobacco and— I hate to say it—urine. Of course none of this had been in evidence on the day I came to check the place out. Well, this is what I got myself into. Though it’s impossible to visit the gardens or use the tennis courts without passing by the Swan Park, the Great Man wants me to hide in the rushes when his guests go by—unless they have kids along. Then he snaps his fingers and I have to show off the “tricks” his swans have learned from me. Swans are well known to be standoffish if not hostile to humans, and teaching them tricks is no easy matter. Even so, we now have a good rapport, and when I summon one by name—they were named for characters in Wagner operas—he or she will leave the group and come waddling right over to me where I’m squatting in the marsh. As matters now stand, the swans are my only friends here. The gardener is peeping on me all the time when I’m in my room, and the Great Man just laughs when I complain about it. The laundry girl is fairly clean but her boyfriends aren’t and there’s a different one in the bathroom two or three times a week. All the English-speakers on the staff have told me that I’ll never work again in Arkansas if I quit this man, as he has more power than the Clintons. (I be-

Nam Hua Vietnamese Restaurant Jupiter at Beltline NE Ste. 305, Garland 10-10 Sun-Tues., Thurs-Fri.; 10-11 Sat. 972-414-8638

In this column, conditions in the American workplace will be disclosed. Names have been changed to protect the privacy of the employers and employees ridiculed herein, and as with celebrities and politicians, nothing said by or about them should be taken seriously.

lieve it. When the Clintons visit they don’t get special treatment.) Many of his employees have been trapped here for years. Year-round work with birds is hard to find and I’m afraid to look for work anywhere because he’d be sure to find out. This letter means open warfare, but at least now he will be a suspect if something happens to me. –Trapped in Paradise

Dear Trapped: You are to be congratu-

lated for going public with your problem, especially since I find you surprisingly meek for a swan-keeper. Swans are the most ill-tempered of all our feathered friends. Clearly you’ve made a mistake in teaching yours the social graces, but you’ve won their trust and that’s a start. Now it’s time to put them back in touch with their instincts. Practice with the gardener. Whenever this sot comes near you, run from him and take refuge behind your swans, even if you have to go into the water with them to do so. They’ll quickly get the idea that they are your protectors and warm to the role. Next, show the same fear around other humans—even ex-Presidents. Let the swans feel your fear. In no time the paths to the tennis courts and gardens will have become impassable. The Great Man, as you style him, will be too obtuse to know what is going on, and if you’re as good with these birds as you say you are, the day will come when he’ll be found floating face-down on his swan-pond. As you don’t have a beak, you will be blameless. You and the other captives of this fool will be free to seek meaningful employment. I’m sure one of the better zoos will be glad to have you. Write to the BLITZbudsman at blitzbudsman@blitzweekly.com

by Sam Chase

A FEAST FOR THE SENSES The explosion of noodle shops in the Metroplex may have skewed the way Western diners view Vietnamese cuisine. Pho, the highly seasoned broth soup served with various cuts of beef, rice noodles, vegetable and herbs partly cooked in the soup or raw beside it, is to be found in all Vietnamese restaurants here. The more subtle soup known as Mi is also universally available as is a wide variety of Bun Cha dishes, where salad ingredients, always including fresh lettuce and cucumber are topped by vermicelli noodles and pork, eggs and egg rolls. Years ago in California I remember a more extensive range of menu offerings, including French-influenced dishes and a wide range of dishes that had been stir-fried, deep-fried, sautéed, braised, steamed, boiled, charcoal broiled, roasted and dishes consisting of raw beef sliced thin, not unlike the Italian carpaccio. Nam Hua shares the strip center which houses the Saigon Mall with its giant Asian supermarket, but unlike the food court there it is not devoted to popular snacks and specialties. In a mid-sized restaurant that sells some food to go, chefs from North Vietnam and South Vietnam prepare dishes from their respective regions and from the Hue region in between. The result is some of the most exciting ethnic food to be found in the Metroplex. The extensive menu includes such relative novelties as baby clams, quail, goat, crèpes stuffed with pork and bean sprouts, Korean-Style barbecued ribs… and on and on. A book picturing some of the more exotic dishes is presented with the menu. The menu is well-translated and vast. The presentations are gorgeous— colorful, aromatic and supremely fresh. The large assortment of fresh ingredients in the spring (or summer)

“Culture Warrior”

rolls are a perfect way to prepare for what follows. The Crab Rangoon comes in cylindrical deep-fried eggrolls instead of wonton wrappers and has a large and delicious deep-fried shrimp projecting from the end where we’re used to seeing a sprig of green onion in the rolls that are wrapped with translucent rice paper. The duck soup was unlike any I had tried before, with rice noodles and a salad of leaves that have no English names yet. In numerous visits—and there will be many more!—all the soups tried were state of the art. The platters of meat were always plentiful, perfectly prepared and accompanied by specific salad ingredients, herbs, and dipping sauces. I like the strong flavors of the caramelized shrimp and fatback, but the smallish shrimp are sauced in their shells and hard to eat. The caramelized catfish is a better choice. The goat with its thick dipping sauce and huge slices of portobello mushrooms (or their equivalent from Vietnam) is a symphony of dark and fiery flavors. The pork in B22 or B23 (with vermicelli patties) is a flavor I remember from years ago and simply has to be experienced. The crispy rice crèpes should not be eaten as appetizers because they are full of coconut oil. The textures and flavors are quite unlike their French ancestor, and stuffed as they are with meat and bean sprouts, the order should be divided. By the way, on one visit my daughter tried the vegetarian version of the crèpes (delicious), but could only finish one. The vegetarian menu contains twenty-eight offerings, as many different dishes as one could expect in a vegetarian restaurant. The to-go dishes available at night are $6 for the large containers, $3 for the small. I don’t know what’s inside but based on my meals at Nam Hua, I’m sure I will take one home someday and find out.

JOKES

HORRORSCOPES

FUNNIES

Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms? A: They’re too hard to peel. Q: Where can you find a good lawyer? A: In the cemetery. Q: What’s the leading cause of death among lesbians? A: Hair balls. Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? A: Ask your mother.

Saving Money A husband and wife are shopping at Walmart when the man picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it into the shopping cart. “What do you think you’re doing?” asks his wife. “They’re on sale, only $15 for 24 cans,” he says. “Put them back. We can’t afford it,” says the wife and they carry on shopping... A few aisles later the woman picks up a $30 jar of face cream and sticks it into the shopping cart. “What do you think you’re doing?” asks the man. “It’s my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,” she says. The man replies...“So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it’s only half the price!”

ACROSS: 1. Mistake 6. Wheel shaft 10. A stinging insect 14. Annoy 15. 64 in Roman numerals 16. Despise 17. Notions 18. Assistant 19. Chocolate cookie 20. Compendium 22. Money lent 23. Caustic 24. Chic 26. Ethics 30. Foundation 32. Auth. unknown 33. Not now 35. A woman of refinement 39. Condition 41. Cereal grain 42. Leave out 43. Relating to audible sound 44. ___-friendly 46. Concludes 47. Graph 49. All over again 51. Small wound

54. Bigheadedness 55. A light 56. Ingenuity 63. Largest continent 64. Rabbit 65. Donnybrook 66. Unfreeze 67. Chief Norse god 68. Palm cockatoo 69. Sheltered, at sea 70. Repose 71. Laser printers need this DOWN: 1. Very imposing or impressive 2. Start over 3. Anagram of “Leer” 4. Elliptical 5. Sell again 6. Winged 7. 22 in Roman numerals 8. Italian resort 9. Things that happen 10. Merchandise jobber 11. Moses’ brother 12. Place 13. Spring bloom

21. Vesicle 25. Frost 26. Catholic church service 27. Not deceived by 28. Horse color 29. Tell in advance 30. Animal 31. Initial wager 34. 3600 seconds 36. Eat 37. Tallies 38. Net 40. Reflected sound 45. Anger 48. Fix firmly 50. Determine the arrangement of data 51. Andean animal 52. Artist’s workstand 53. Grin 54. Happening 57. Place a load on (archaic) 58. Goddess of discord (Greek mythology) 59. A Roman emperor 60. Distinctive flair 61. Arid 62. Scorch

18 by Pat Moran

As Americans, we love our holidays. We cherish the fact that we get a few days every year to celebrate our lives and the people in them. From birthdays and Christmas to Thanksgiving and the Fourth of July, we make it a point to make these days as big of a deal as possible. The expectations are always high and it always leads to a massive amount of stress. For most of the holidays it’s worth it. But not for New Year’s. New Year’s Eve is the most overrated day of the year. Expectations are at an all time high while the actual night turns out to be an all time low. You never have as much fun as you thought you would and always end up with a hangover that would make even Ernest Hemingway cringe. What’s the point? It’s just another day. It’s not like your life is going to change overnight. It’s a day devoted entirely to the thought that you should be living a better life and should change your ways. Quit smok-

“Man on his Throne”

ing. Lose weight. Be happier. Work less. Make more money. Blah blah blah. It’s always the same crap. We make these promises to ourselves every January 1st, hoping that our future selves will be more driven and mature, but we end up making the same decisions as before. I mean, how many resolutions have you actually kept? I’m guessing it’s not a very high number. So why make yourself feel like a failure every year? It’s masochistic. If you want to better yourself, go ahead. That’s fine. That’s your deal. But let’s not make it a big deal anymore, okay? Just be glad you survived another year. If you think about all the horrible crap that is going on the world, you should be happy that you are dying of some sort of horrible infectious disease. At least that is something you can be proud of. You can have a happy New Year’s, but from now on I’ll be celebrating having a happy January 1st.