Blitz Weekly

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VOL. 3 - ISSUE 45

July 13 - 19, 2011 3

TECHNOLOGY BITES AGAIN

BLITZ News Shorts 3 Hollywood Profile/Movie Review 4 Former Front Man Holds His Own 5 MMA Returns To Frisco 6 Vigilantes News 7 Post-Fourth Blues 8 COVER STORY: At The All-Star Break Trade Rumor Mill 9 All-Star Baseball 9 Rangers Report 10-11 BLITZ BABE: Leslie 12 The Buzz On Commerce 13 The Jett Stream 13 Blitz Toys 15 Hemp Wars 15 Food Review: Marquee Grill 16 Crossword / Jokes / Horrorscopes 17 Can This Job Be Saved?

18 Last Call: Time To Yank A Little Sense 18 PUBLISHER Kelly G. Reed EDITOR Jeff Putnam PHOTO EDITOR Darryl Briggs Food, Entertainment and Lifestyle Editor Judy Chamberlain COVER Cover Photography: Darryl Briggs Cover Design: Damien William Mayfield STAFF PHOTOGRAPHERS John Breen, Gregg Case, Steven Hendrix, Rick Leal, Kevin Jacobson, Joe Lorenzini, Chuck Majors CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHERS Hannah Allen, Keith Allison, Ron Armstrong, Rob Corder, Stephen Craven, Matt Pearce, Eric Statzer STAFF WRITERS Tony Barone, Geoff Case, Sam Chase, Vivian Fullerlove, Robin George, Dennis Hambright, Jack E. Jett, Frank LaCosta, Mark Miller, Jesse Whitman CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Hannah Allen, Raymond Bloomquist, Andrew J. Hewett, Matthius Kottaras, Gilbert Moses CONTACT US MAIN NUMBER 214-529-7370 FAX NUMBER 972-960-8618 kreed@blitzweekly.com

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For those not already benumbed by the details of this tragicomedy: someone we’ll call Dick, who once lived in northwest Arkansas (town of Rogers) turned his little Shih Tzu (name of Mimi) loose in his backyard seven years ago. The animal wandered off and in spite of the chip Dick had implanted in her neck, was presumed lost. At some point Dick moved to California.

Meanwhile, someone we’ll call Jane, a Rogers woman, acquired the animal from someone she trusted, named her Gizmo and gave her a home for seven years. Once again, Mimi-Gizmo wandered off, but this time an animal shelter picked her up and discovered the microchip.

Now this Dick person, the chip-nerd in California, wants his dog back, and Jane is understandably concerned that her Gizmo will be torn from the bosom of her family and asked to assume an identity she might not remember having.

There’s been lots of gushing about the utility of microchip insertion to protect property rights, but we view the incident as a matter of the heart and recommend the following whispering campaign be instituted immediately.

First, a dog-whisperer—preferably one with experience whispering to Shih Tzus— be called in immediately to find out if Gizmo remembers the nerd who had her fitted for a chip and called her Mimi. If not, Jane should immediately seek a legal remedy—the goodhearted American public will help if she’s short of cash. (This one has U. S. Supreme Court written all over it.)

If the right verdict is handed down, Jane should consider chaining her family’s pet whenever it’s not inside licking bosom—Arkansans who wander have been annoying us for some time. There’s no need for the clanking sort of chain that might depress an older dog: more sophisticated than her previous owner’s microchip are the new collars which supply an excruciating jolt when its wearer tries to cross pre-established boundaries.

Finally, if Gizmo is noncommittal or coy on the subject of who would be the best master, or the Supreme Court screws up again, a

Dick-whisperer needs to be called in to try to understand if this legalistic person has sufficient heart or mind to care for any pet larger than a small turtle.

Andrew J. Hewett

THE GOOD OL’ USA?

John Rolczynski is a great American, or at least one of a kind. The 82-year-old North Dakotan—a native of Grand Forks—has discovered a flaw in his State’s Constitution which may mean that the State of North Dakota doesn’t really exist. Not to say that there isn’t some land within its somewhat real borders, but its existence as one of the Continental United States is highly suspect.

This is because certain mucky-mucks of the day weren’t called upon to sign the original State Constitution (including the Governor and other top officials).

Needless to say a bill has been introduced to fix the Constitution’s wording, subject to the approval of the people of North Dakota.

What has us troubled: if North Dakota doesn’t exist, how can the people of North Dakota sign a petition or vote on anything?

Who’s to say they aren’t Martians or clowns from nearby Canada having a good laugh?

Also: if the place now called “North Dakota” somehow escaped being part of the United States wouldn’t life there be sweet?

Wouldn’t this completely imaginary realm quickly fill up with people trying to escape the ruthless stupidity of the lawmakers in Washington?

What could be more exciting than taking refuge in a country that only exists in our imagination, where farm products are harvested without growing anywhere, cooked and served to us by people who don’t even exist?

In spite of his age, Rolczynski—as soon as North Dakota starts to exist again—should run for the office of Senator from North Dakota and take his fearless, questioning mind to our nation’s Capitol. Who better to issue the wakeup call we’ve been waiting for?

www.chewednews.com

A MILITARY MUCK-UP On May 15, 1975, U.S. forces invaded the Cambodian island of Koh Tang and recaptured the American merchant ship Mayaguez. What’s wrong with that?

Well, due to lack of communications, Commander in Chief of operations, Admiral Noel Gayler, knew not that all 40 crew members of the Mayaguez had been safely released. This lack of info and the resulting battle caused the deaths of 41 U.S. troops, while rescuing only a boat. (Another prime example of SNAFU—Situation Normal, All Fouled Up.) HOT DOG, ANYONE? New Zealand: Paea Taufu, who’d grown up in Tonga, was embarrassed and apologetic when caught by Animal Protection Inspectors barbecuing a dog. In his country, he said the firmmeated Pit-Bull would be a delicious delight.

TOE PRINTS MAYBE? Steve Valdez didn’t have an account at a Bank of America in downtown Tampa, Florida, where and when he tried to cash a check from his wife. So, after presenting two different proofs of identification, the bank still refused him. Being a double-amputee, meaning without arms, it was impossible for Valdez to leave images of his fingerprints.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK “I’m just trying to get us to play according to how the game presents itself.”

– Ron Washington Photo Courtesy: Darryl Briggs

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4 July 13 - 19, 2011

HOLLYWOOD PROFILE with Colin Farrell

by Vivian Fullerlove

“Entertainment’s Real Critic”

We’ve all had them. The boss that you secretly wish would get hit by a bus over the weekend. In the new Seth Gordon comedy Horrible Bosses three friends conspire to murder their bosses when they realize they are standing in the way of their happiness.

I sat down with one of the film’s horrible bosses Colin Farrell, to talk about the film and his crazy character Bobby Pellitt.

This is not the Colin Farrell I am used to. I couldn’t even tell it was you at first. What did you find most appealing about this role?

It was just fun on the page. One thing that stands out over twelve years of reading scripts was [that this one was] laugh out loud. You know, I really did kind of go for a belly laugh about four or five times on my own on the couch at home which really doesn’t happen very often when reading comedies, I’ve found. Through the years, I just haven’t found many of them very funny. This one was kind of crass, and it was without apology, but at the same time there was some well observed behavioral stuff, and it was nicely topical. It was fun, just fun more than anything; so, continuing from the joy I had reading it and getting involved and meeting Seth and designing the character Bobby Pellitt was a riot.

Your character is quite a character. Tell us a little about him.

As far as he’s concerned, [he has] complete autonomy over the world that he lives in, complete autonomy. If he’s not the boss, which he becomes when his father dies, he’s the boss’s son and nobody is going to f* with him, and he can do whatever he

wants. He thinks he’s God’s gift to women, God’s gift to intellect, God’s gift to humor, God’s gift to the club scene. He just really thinks he’s God’s gift to everything, and he’s really not. He’s really sad and kind of pathetic and tragic and lonely and miserable, but he has no idea that he is.

And what turns him into such a horrible boss?

I play the son of Jason Sudeikis’s boss whose played by Donald Sutherland who is nothing if not benevolent and incredibly kind and unfortunately, very dead after the first scene. Then I take over the reins, and it is particularly the relationship between Jason’s character and Donald Sutherland, my father, that has caused me so much consternation over the years; so, when my dad is out of the picture, and I take the reins of the company, it’s one of those classic cases of it’s all gonna burn really fast.

What was the best part for you as an actor playing someone like Pellitt?

I had complete license with Bobby to be just as pathologically f*ed up as I possibly could be, and Seth was kind of cool with it.

It was just fun, just freeing yourself up to be as imaginative as possible and being in the moment, and I had a great time with Jason Sudeikis. He’s quick as a whip you know, and it was a blast.

For all of the interoffice mayhem you can stand, check out Horrible Bosses. The film is open nationwide and rated R for crude and sexual content, pervasive language and some drug material.

by Gilbert Moses

“I Think Therefore I Write” gilbertmoses.wordpress.com

BAD TEACHER

Crude jokes can be funny and there is no way to get around it. Hollywood would seem to have been onto the fact for more than four decades now. (Remember Where’s Poppa?) Once a child discovers he can make the fart noise with his mouth he will spend the rest of his adolescence laughing at that and other inappropriate things. Hollywood knows that our inner child loves that type of humor and that is why there is never a shortage of movies that rely on gross-out comedy and sexual humor. If you like sex talk, bathroom humor, and foul language, Bad Teacher is a film that will give you a goodsized helping of all of it.

This film wastes no time letting you know that Elizabeth Halsey (Cameron Diaz) is a foul-mouthed gold-digger whose only objective is to marry a rich man. In the opening scene of the film, due to an unfortunate change in her plans, Miss Halsey realizes the secret to catching the man she wants: she needs bigger breasts. Once she meets the new wealthy substitute teacher, Scott Delacorte (Justin Timberlake), a boob job becomes her mission. She spends the rest of the film on a quest to earn enough money to pay for the surgery. Unfortunately for her, rival teacher and goody two-shoes Amy Squirrel (Lucy Punch) is determined to ruin Miss Halsey’s plan and wants to show the world what she really is, a bad teacher.

The supporting cast of Bad Teacher

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does an excellent job of augmenting the panache of Cameron Diaz’s onscreen performance. Phyllis Smith brings the same brand of awkward comedy that fans of The Office are used to and provides a few laugh-out-loud moments.

Lucy Punch’s portrayal of a neurotic and corny teacher is a refreshing complement to Cameron Diaz’s performance, which seemed forced at times.

In addition to the obvious story line of a gold-digger looking for a new sugar-daddy, the writers of Bad Teacher also try to weave a love story into the script. Unfortunately, the writers fail to develop the characters in a manner that would make this relationship plausible. There’s just not enough emotional connection for us to care about the underlying love story.

Bad Teacher relies heavily on foul language and sexual situations to earn its laughs and succeeds at times: there are a few very funny scenes. Cameron Diaz meshes well on screen with her supporting cast and creates a relatively funny film despite a lackluster individual performance.

Bad Teacher is a film that will make you laugh out loud occasionally but it is not by any means ground-breaking. There are a lot of other good choices in theaters right now, and although it was funny, I recommend waiting to see Bad Teacher on DVD.

July 13 - 19, 2011 5 blitzweekly.com

Wed 7/13

Vetro “Seconds” Sale Vetro Glassblowing Studio – Grapevine Today marks your last chance to acquire some interesting blown glass pieces at drastically reduced prices. Seconds often have only small irregularities. Lots to learn also.

Thur 7/14

The Onion Winspear Opera House – Dallas ATT&T Performing Arts Center presents America’s premier satirical troupe and fauxnews dispenser in a specially created show.

Blitz readers should pay homage.

Former Front Man Holds His Own

Sat 7/16

Little Mary Sunshine by Rick Besoyan This musical played all over Greenwich Village in the 60s (with the likes of Marian Mercer) with its earnest heroes and dastardly villains of a bygone era. Don’t miss this.

Sun 7/17

of the band was probably more than I could handle at one time.”

So, Larry traveled for a while visiting family and friends from L.A. to New York City and got his footing back as a songwriter. “Camera Phone” was written after a long night with his brother-in-law in Brooklyn and has references to the L-Train.

A native of Abilene, Larry grew up singing in church like so many of the greats before him. He says his family was instrumental in making that happen but it was his uncle, Jun, who opened the door to all that music could be. “I remember listening to old Jackson 5, Michael Jackson, and Beatles vinyl at his house for hours,” he said. “I guess you can say that’s where my love for music began, listening to those artists particularly.”

From the standpoint of a fan it seems he’s grown from his days in Odis, a comingof-age I feel lucky to have witnessed. His intuitive understanding of his role as a performer is one that should inspire you to go out and hear what he has to offer. “Always respect the audience,” he told me recently.

“In the end they can make or break you as an artist.”

So far the plan for his trajectory as a solo artist is simple: get his E.P. out and see where things go. “My door is wide open,” he says frankly. In the meantime he’s focusing on performing. “It can be in front of two people or a thousand. I just love to perform and look forward to eventually doing it on a consistent basis again” You can check him out on the web at www.Larry-gEE.com or see him live on July 15th at Club Dada in Deep Ellum.

MUSIC: 1. Yo Mama

Larry G(ee)

2. Feel ODIS

3. Slip Away ODIS

4. Turn Down The Lights ODIS

5. Troubled Soul ODIS

6. I Learned The Hard Way

Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings

7. Human

The Killers

8. Foster the People

The Pumped Up Kids

9. Good Vibrations

The Beach Boys

10. Lover, You Should Have Come Over

Jeff Buckley

Baritones and Beachballs – The Magic Flute Campisi’s Egyptian Lounge – Dallas Presented by The Dallas Opera as part of their Eat.Drink.Learn series. In the tradition of the great Donald Pippin’s series at the Old Spaghetti Factory in San Francisco. What fun!

Mon 7/18

“Out and About in DFW”

’til Midnight at the Nasher Nasher Sculpture Center Bring your blanket (but no booze, food or furniture) and sit in the Nasher’s sculpture garden for a live performance by Hard Night’s Day followed by a screening of Across the Universe.

Tenth Annual Asian Film Festival Magnolia Theater – Dallas For a nominal price this festival offers the chance for participants to see more than 20 Asian films and meet the filmmakers. Check schedule online at 2011.affd.org/schedule.

Tues 7/19

Whenever I go to the House Of Blues there is always an excitement that accompanies the trip. For some reason I always have really high expectations for the band I’m going to see there. With such an intimate set-up and such great sound I always feel like I’m already set up for success as far as my concertgoer experience is concerned.

So far I haven’t been disappointed.

Recently I went to hear former Odis front man Larry g(ee) perform in a showcase of Dallas’s up-and-comers. I discovered Odis by accident several years ago when Club Clearview was still open. Their take on Rock n’ Soul was like nothing I had ever heard and all these years later I’ve still never heard its equal.

His new sound hearkens back to a more traditional gospel and soul. He has a horn section and a bank of talented backup vocalists. The stock guitar, bass and drums keeps things contemporary but only borders on edgy. In many ways being backed by a rock band made him shine brighter in contrast but as his set neared the end during songs like “Camera Phone” and “Yo Momma” Larry proved that not only does he still have “it” he is prepared and able to use “it” as a weapon.

Last year Odis disbanded amicably, though an air of mystery still surrounds the circumstances. Larry told Blitz Weekly in an interview, “After the band separated my first idea was to jump into something else right away, but I soon realized that the five years with the band had somewhat taken a toll on me, physically and mentally. Also I had just ended my relationship with my girlfriend of six years. To go through that and the breakup

by Hannah Allen

Fri 7/15

Bike Night at Watters Creek Watters Creek at Montgomery Farm – Allen Special parking for your Harley while you enjoy free live music on the Green (sponsored by Harley Davidson) and special offers by Watters Creek restaurants and retailers. Free!

If you know of a cool event or concert coming up, send some info our way at editor@blitzweekly.com

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6 July 13 - 19, 2011

by Matthius Kottaras “Keep It Real”

editor@blitzweekly.com

Jake Rosholt (11-3) earns his highly anticipated rematch against BJJ Black Belt Matt Horwich (26-18-1) as they face off in the Main Event of Shark Fights 17, Friday July 15 in Frisco. Since losing to Horwich, Jake Rosholt has been on a rampage with four first round victories earning him the rematch.

Former IFL Champion Matt Horwich is looking to rebound after his hard fought decision loss to Shark Fights superstar Danillo Villefort at Shark Fights 14. Horwich holds notable wins over Krzysztof Soszynski, Mike Pyle, Benji Radach, and Thales Leites.

Shark Fights 17 co-main event features former UFC Heavyweight Champion Ricco Rodriguez (46-11) as he puts his elevenfight win streak on the line against submission guru Karl Knothe (19-6), riding his own twelve-fight win streak. Ricco’s eleven-fight win streak ties the longest of his career, where he defeated Randy Couture, Andrei Arlovski, and Jeff Monson. Besting Ricco’s win streak by one, Karl Knothe has finished his last 12 opponents all within the first round. “I am very excited and honored to be fighting for Shark Fights and HDNet. Shark Fights is one of the top tier promo-

The Fight Card

by Matthius Kottaras “Keep It Real”

editor@blitzweekly.com

Xtreme Knockout (XKO), the leader in North Texas xtreme mma action, is proud to announce, episode 2 will air July 16 at its regular time, 11PM on TXA Channel 21. This fight card is promising to bring the MMA fight fans the xtreme action they are looking for. With area favorites topping the card, you have been warned to tune in to the great action. Missing this fine display of artistry, will only leave the MMA enthusiasts begging for a rerun.

The fight card consists of the following: Roy Spoon vs Travis Lamb Derek Campos vs Brandon Crick Mike Rodrigues vs Douglas Frey Kano Gregoire vs Chris White

tions,” said Rodriguez. “I’ve been doing my research and preparing for a tough fight.

Karl is a very scrappy fighter with tons of experience. Neither of us wants to lose our winning streaks, so be prepared for a fight to be remembered.”

Also on this card is an exciting light heavyweight matchup, as hard hitting Ilir Latifi (4-1) battles Kings MMA sensation Emanuel Newton (14-6-1), while Jeremy Kimball (3-2) expects to continue his threefight win streak against the always dangerous Clay Hantz (6-3). Rounding out the main card is a bout pitting rising middleweight submission superstar Daniel “Jacare” Almeida (5-1) against Bellator vet Doug Williams (5-12).

“Shark Fights strives to give the fans what they want and they demanded a Horwich/Rosholt rematch. With both combatants having something to prove this is going to be war,” said Shark Fights Executive Wes Nolen. “Shark Fights is thrilled to have a show in the Dallas/Fort Worth area. We love the fans there and they are going to be impressed with this fight card. This is going to be an exciting night of fights.”

As a reminder, the next XKO LIVE EVENT is scheduled for July 23 at The Gym located at 921 W. Mayfield Road Suite #112 in Arlington. Prefight party begins at 6PM with a live DJ, Hooters Ring Girls and the famous XKO bikini contest.

Fights will be begin at 8PM. Our featured MAIN EVENT is for the XKO Bantam Weight Title, pitting the current champion, Stephen “Ocho” Peterson against the rugged Alex “Warpath” Russ.

Tickets may be purchased online at www.xtremeknockout.com The event will be catered by Bostons Restaurant. After party activities will be at Boomerjacks, 522 Lincoln Square in Arlington immediately following the fights with fighters in attendance. The AFTER AFTER party will be at The Clubhouse.

Main Event: Matt Horwich (26-18-1) vs Jake Rosholt (11-3) Co-Main Event: Ricco Rodriguez (46-11) vs Karl Knothe (19-6) Main Card: Emanuel Newton (14-6-1) vs Ilir Latifi (4-1) Jeremy Kimball (3-2) vs Clay Hantz (6-3) Daniel Almeida (5-1) vs Doug Williams (5-12)

Preliminary Bout:

Quaint Kempf (3-1) vs Victor Hernandez (3-13) Alan Jouban (1-1) vs Charles Byrd (2-2) Jay Flores (1-2) vs Matt Hober (2-0) Brad Cox (2-0) vs Russell Brewer (2-0) Shark Fights 17 will take place on Friday, July 15th at the Dr Pepper Arena in Frisco and can be viewed live on HDNet. Doors open at 6pm. Fights start at 7pm. For more information visit www.sharkfights.com

July 13 - 19, 2011 7 blitzweekly.com

Crossword Solution

by Raymond Bloomquist “Arena Football Fanatic”

Vigilantes News

Defense Is Clutch

It has been no surprise that a full team effort is primarily responsible for the Dallas Vigilantes’ current five-game win streak, now a franchise record, but it cannot go without notice how well the Vigilante defense has played as of late. With the playoffs on the horizon for Dallas – it’s all just a matter of seeding at this point – it seems as though the Vigilante defense is heating up at the right time. If you agree with the philosophy that “Defense wins championships,” what better way to complement the league’s third-ranked scoring offense than with a defensive unit that is still peaking?

While execution is always a factor for success in football, Vigilante linebacker and sack leader Dusty Bear noted that it takes a little more than just that. “You have to be relentless as a unit; it’s as simple as that,” Bear said. “We have to have a mindset that we are never going to stop fighting out there, no matter what the score is. That’s what it takes. You can’t give anything less.”

In their last two outings, the Vigilante defense has not left anything on the field against Philadelphia and the Jacksonville Sharks. The unit has combined for six sacks and six interceptions, one of which was returned 26 yards for a touchdown by defensive back Jason Harmon. As for Bear, who came up with another patented fourth-quarter, clutch sack in Dallas’ huge win over Jacksonville, his personal success is all due to the same mindset he’s been preaching. “It’s just pure hustle, in every sense of the word,” Bear said. “My mindset is that I’m never going to stop. I’m going to give everything I’ve got on the field, just

like the other seven men around me. I know and trust that all of those guys are going to leave it out on the field, so I can’t take a play off, because I know I would be letting them down. It’s just a relentless attitude.

You have to have that to play this game, be-

WWC: France vs. United States Wed. July 13 – 11:00AM – Borussia Park – ESPN

Last Sunday the women’s team defeated Brazil on penalty kicks. It was a stirring comeback. Now they move on to the semifinals. A win here puts them in the finals.

They’ll take on a French team who defeated England. Hope Solo is now a household name. So do your part, watch the game and curse the French!

MLB: Rangers vs. Mariners Fri. July 15 – 9:10PM – Safeco Field – KTXA 21

cause if you don’t, you might as well just stay at home.”

Credit to Vigilante head coach Clint Dolezel, his staff, and his squad. It is safe to say that the attitude in Dallas has certainly changed for the better, reflecting exactly what Bear has been preaching. Once a struggling franchise at 3-1 a year ago it is now in the playoffs and is very much a contender. What a difference a new outlook can bring.

Next up for the Vigilantes is a home date with the Central Division-leading Chicago Rush (12-4) who are only a game ahead of Dallas for the Division title. Kickoff versus the Rush is slated for a 7:30 p.m. start on Saturday, July 16 at the American Airlines Center. If Dallas can win out in its last two games of the regular season, it should take the Division crown away from the Rush, but they will still likely meet up with Chicago in the first round of the 2011 playoffs.

Who would’ve thought that the Rangers would head into the All-Star break on a seven- game win streak? Hambone has been under a lot of pressure and a long road trip might due him some good. The Mariners just lost four in a row to the Angels and rank near the bottom in all offensive categories in the league. This could be a good start to the second half of the season for Texas.

NASCAR: Lenox Industrial Tools 301

Sun. July 17 – Nonn – New Hampshire Motor Speedway – TNT

Jimmie Johnson won this race last year but look for Jeff Gordon to be in the mix since he usually does well at this track. This race has been dubbed “The Extra Mile at the Magic Mile” even though the race is based on laps not miles. NASCAR will return here in September with the Chase For The Cup.

MLB: Red Sox vs. Rays

Sun. July 17 – 7:00PM – Tropicana Field – ESPN

Another AL East battle takes place as the Red Sox and Rays play the last of a threegame set. Boston is in first with a six-game lead on the Rays who are in third in the division. The Red Sox rotation is in disarray.

Tampa Bay’s offense needs some serious help and this could be the solution.

RANGERS

PGA

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8 July 13 - 19, 2011

I once knew a patriot. He was still a fairly young man when editor@blitzweekly.com we met. I had been introduced by his wife who was a Greek woman who sang with me. Our voices sounded good together so we did concerts on a small scale in the San Francisco of that day which were occasionally reviewed by The San Francisco Chronicle, so that we were not complete nonentities, but almost.

Kurt (the patriot) had an interesting background. He’d been born in South Dakota, which by law entitled him to American citizenship.

Then two months after his birth his mother, Hannah, went back to Germany, where she had been born. I gather that his mother spoke a little English. His father was a U-boat captain who was killed in the war fighting against the U.S. and all the other countries that threatened Hitler’s idea of what the world should look like.

I think Kurt revered his father but had grown to have contempt for Hitler and no doubt was ashamed that his father had been fighting on the wrong side.

Kurt had been a member of the Hitler Youth and was thus a last line of defense when the Allies stormed the country. Knowing him a little I thought it was a miracle he hadn’t got himself killed. He was a big man, six-three, with a striking appearance—huge blue eyes, lots of hair and a loud voice—he brayed like a jackass when he laughed.

Who knows why kids do some of the things they do, or where they get their ideas? Well, now we know—Wikipedia—but there was no Wikipedia back then. Anyway, while he was being trained to defend the Vaterland, Kurt was also teaching himself English. And since no one in his immediate vicinity spoke English aloud, Kurt had decided to learn from the best American writer of English he could find—Thomas Jefferson.

When the war ended and his father had died Hannah was able to return to the United States and Kurt did a tour in the U.S. Army with the Military Police. He never said a word to indicate that he wasn’t completely happy performing the duties of an MP. To the credit of his superiors he was marked for language training and sent to the Monterey Language Institute where he quickly learned to speak and write Russian. Perhaps his superiors, or at least one of them, thought Kurt had the makings of a spy. If so, the man was insane. Kurt had the makings of a Jefferson, and Jefferson—whatever else might be said of him—was a true patriot.

Kurt tried to honor the Founding Fathers by emulating them. He seemed to be trying to honor the early days of our Republic’s history by emulating the farmers and individualists who inhabited our country then. Kurt made his own clothes, or at least some of them. He replicated our revolutionary flags and in one hilarious maneuver changed out all the flags in the San Francisco Civic Center so that when the sun came up the Liberty Tree flag was flying again, the flag with the rattler and “Don’t Tread on Me.” From a distance I watched the authorities scratch their heads.

by Jeff Putnam Blitz Weekly Editor

Kurt had learned to make shoes and made some enormous square-toed clodhoppers with a big square buckle—no doubt in imitation of shoes he’d seen on American feet in some old woodcut. On his head was the feature best known to police—his “liberty cap,” emblazoned with Jefferson’s motto: “Rebellion to Tyrants is Obedience to God.” No, no, he wasn’t strutting around his barracks attired this way. He’d left the Army and found work as a merchant seaman for the Sailors Union of the Pacific. All of his “radical activities” took place while he was “on the beach,” between long trips at sea.

His patriotic acts were really demonstrations to his fellow Americans of what a patriot should look like, how a patriot should behave. The local police, the FBI, the ATF people—I had to stand up for Kurt and help his wife to explain who he was and what he was doing. Since he was more or less constantly hailed into court, I also helped by tape-recording those sessions.

Probably it was against the law even then to record what happened to citizens who were trying to be patriotic in their own way, but I just wasn’t a plausible sh!t-disturber, especially when I was sitting next to his beautiful Greek wife.

The American Gestapo didn’t have a clue about who he was. He wrote letters in Russian to a famous Russian scientist who was interested in Kurt’s ideas about ancient statuary. Kurt had explained in various articles for French and Russian magazines—rather like our Science magazine or Scientific American—eighteen reasons that the ancient dogu sculptures were of aliens in space suits. His essays were cogent, well-argued, but most of his ideas went over my head. I promised myself and his wife that someday I’d get “into” his articles, but for the nonce I was content to correct little mistakes in his English so that the essays that were pouring out of him wouldn’t be laughed at.

The essays may have been a little strange but any educated person could have seen their value. Then as now, however, academics were busy fighting their own battles and didn’t much care where the country was going. During the Vietnam War years a number of professors became “engaged” and may have done useful work in helping to put an end to that pitiful chapter in American history. And of course Kurt was rabid during that time. Certain hippies adopted him as a kind of mascot because his strange appearance, his acute knowledge of the American past and his original incarnation of an early-American firebrand inspired them in some way.

The police were still after him but they were in over their head. They busted him and kept him in jail for a time for the crime of using the seal of the United States on his personal correspondence—a seal that could only lawfully appear on official U.S. Government correspondence—perhaps only on the President’s, I wasn’t quite sure. He was only released when his lawyer was able to convince a magistrate that the seal in question had never been adopted by the United States. It was in fact “the Great Shekinah seal” that Jefferson had PROPOSED as the seal of the United States, replete with Ma-

sonic mysteries—the pyramid and eye of the Illuminati, the pillar of fire dividing the Red Sea in front of Moses and his people as they escaped from Egypt and so on.

I thought the seal a hodge-podge of symbols and all of Kurt’s roaring expostulations couldn’t convince me that it was as good as Franklin’s proposal of the Wild Turkey as our national bird. However, I agreed with Kurt that the eagle holding the fasces in its talons was entirely wrong to symbolize our nation’s aspirations.

Anyway, he continued to publish his ideas as “Amrev Press.” I helped him for a time but we grew apart. I was interested in Kurt’s work and wanted to help but I couldn’t keep up. I wasn’t a fanatic. And I had personal problems that required my full attention.

All his life, from the time he was a young teen in Hitler’s elite corps of juvenile warriors, subversively imbibing all he could of Jefferson and dreaming of the United States as he imagined it had been in Jefferson’s day—and then later trying to browbeat Americans into behaving like the “Sons of Liberty,” as only very few now styled themselves—Kurt had never wavered in the complete dedication of all his faculties and most of his time.

Because of him I read the letters of Jefferson, some twenty-odd volumes of them, or more pleasurably paged through the Jeffersonian Cyclopedia, which may now be found online thanks to some patriots in Virginia. Because of him I learned a lot about figures who had been passed over by the histories that were being taught in our public and private schools— people like George Mason and Benjamin Rush and lesser figures of all kinds. But I also learned about some of the great figures of those days— Thomas Paine, for example. (Of course Kurt had built a large model of Paine’s iron bridge.)

Two trailers, one garage and one entire basement were chock full of the things he’d made and read and published. Too, things he collected, because he was a packrat and interested in everything.

He now lies on his back in a little house on the so-called “Peninsula” below San Francisco, cared for, as ever, by his Greek wife. Though paralyzed, he can still speak. He suffers from advanced Parkinson’s but I’m not sure that is the reason for his paralysis. A nurse comes to move his legs and in other ways to prevent him becoming stiff as a board. His loyal wife turns him frequently to prevent bedsores.

I have to bring my face close to hear what he is whispering. He makes sense but there are too many puns and arcane references for me to say I know what he’s talking about. His eyes are defiant as ever, though, and I know that Jefferson and Paine are still meeting in his imagination.

Of course he’s not the only man who fondly remembers the founders of our republic. Still, I’m quite sure that the America in his head, the America that might have been and nearly was, is still quite incomprehensible to the framers of today’s “Patriot Act”—and other equally foolish laws that help them to sleep better at night with the sense that they’ve fulfilled a sacred duty.

July 13 - 19, 2011 9 blitzweekly.com

Without big names

trade rumor mill is lighter than in recent past

by Mark Miller

“The Dallasite from the North”

The All-Star break is here and the non-waiver trade deadline is less than three weeks away, yet the buzz generated in past Julys seems to be missing.

One major reason is the lack of big names being moved. In 2008, it was left-handed starting pitcher CC Sabathia going from the Cleveland Indians to the Milwaukee Brewers. The result was Milwaukee’s first playoff appearance in more than two decades, although he left after the playoffs for the New York Yankees.

In both 2009 and 2010 it was Cliff Lee. In 2009 he went from Cleveland to the Philadelphia Phillies, helping them to the World Series. Then after being traded to the Seattle Mariners, he was traded again to the Texas Rangers. The result was the Rangers’ first World Series appearance ever. He ended up back in Philadelphia.

The only July deal of a player with any name was veteran outfielder Mike Cameron going from Boston to Florida. Also, veteran pitcher Dontrelle Willis signed with the Cincinnati Reds.

“I think most teams are in a feeling-out period right now,” said Rangers General Manager Jon Daniels. “The standings are mostly bunched up so everyone is evaluating.

We’re no different. We’re getting guys back from the disabled list so we need to evaluate what we have before we look outside.”

Rangers’ play-by-play television broadcaster Dave Barnett was hearing similar things.

“This is a really light year for trade rumors,” Barnett said. “More teams than usual feel they are in the race so they don’t want to tell fans something they don’t want

by Jeff Putnam Blitz Weekly Editor

editor@blitzweekly.com

to hear.”

One case in point is Milwaukee Brewers first baseman Prince Fielder. The Brewers know they can’t afford to keep him after this year but can’t make the playoffs in 2011 without him. So they likely will hold onto him and take the two extra draft picks if he leaves.

The same goes for St. Louis Cardinals first baseman Albert Pujols, who will be a free agent if he doesn’t re-sign with his current team. He returned from injury last week with the Cardinals atop the National League Central so he’s not going anywhere.

Most of the few rumors out there naturally revolve around pitching, especially right-handed relievers. One name being kicked around is former St. Louis Cardinals closer Jason Isringhausen, who is languishing behind Francisco Rodriguez with the New York Mets.

Another former closer, Kerry Woods of the Chicago Cubs, also is up for consideration. Three of Toronto’s relievers, Jason Fraser, Octavio Dotel and Jon Rausch, are being mentioned as well.

As for starting pitching, Ken Rosenthal of Fox Sports reports Colorado is getting calls on Ubaldo Jimenez while Florida will listen to offers on Ricky Nolasco and Anibal Sanchez. And SI.com says the Atlanta Braves are considering moving Derek Lowe.

The biggest offensive name according to several sources is Mets outfielder Carlos Beltran. He’s reportedly willing to waive his no-trade clause for a deal to the San Francisco Giants, the team that beat the Rangers in the 2010 World Series.

One team SI.com says is willing to part with veterans is the Kansas City Royals. Players like third baseman Wilson Betemit, outfielder Jeff Francoeur and left-handed pitcher Jeff Francis are mentioned.

On the free agent market, pitcher Scott Kazmir, recently released by the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, likely will draw interest.

Stay tuned between now and the end of July to see which teams try to improve themselves for a pennant run and which trade high-priced talent for youthful prospects.

by Ethan Allen The great ballplayer who devised this board game, one of the most popular sports games of all time, was a family friend. Like many of my parents’ lifelong friends, the Allens were neighbors for a while at Midland Gardens in Bronxville, New York. Ethan’s petite wife Doris was an easy-going mother and the Allens’ daughter Doris Lee an easy-going babysitter. Their son Toby was a hero to my younger brother Kit and me—especially after coming out of the Navy with bulging arms because of his practice of squeezing a rubber ball inside his pea coat.

Since my dad was nuts about baseball, Ethan was a hero to him. That’s saying something because my dad knew a lot of famous people. He was an announcer on the radio, and appeared on early TV. Later I found out that during the years before he met my mom—who sang on her own radio show out of New York—he’d announced the horse races with Mel Allen, who became the announcer for the Yankees.

Ethan Allen had been Dizzy Dean’s roommate for a while and maybe thanks to my dad or Ethan I once got to sit in the announce booth with Mel Allen and Dizzy Dean during a Yankees game. Everyone who knew baseball then remembers Diz’s colorful commentary—“he slud into third base.” I also remember stories about Dean’s life and even stories about Ethan’s that infuriated my mother and never got explained. For example, supposedly funny stories about Dean’s circumcision rather late in life that completely mystified my brother and me.

Baseball came ahead of homework at our place so my brother was doomed to get signed by someone (it was the Mets).

My glory years pretty much ended when I won the pitching trophy for best record in my town’s little league and was sent to compete on Happy Felton’s Knothole Gang, a TV program that ran before the Dodgers games at Ebbets Field. Because I was a rabid Brooklyn Dodgers fan this was the most exciting event of my life. I won and came back the next day to talk to Duke Snider, who seemed to take a shine

to me, because after introducing me to all the great Dodgers of the day he took me under a tunnel to the Reds’ dugout and I got to meet my heroes on that team: people like Ted Kluszewski, Wally Post and Gus Bell.

When girls became more important to me than baseball my father gave up on me and turned all his attention to my brother (thank God). But Ethan was part of the reason I always loved to play and continued through Babe Ruth League and American Legion. He invited us to watch games at Yale, where he was the coach, and when he came to visit he did things like rearranging the living room furniture so he could teach my brother the right way to execute a hook slide. Tall and fit, but definitely middle-aged, with a shiny bald head, this man was sliding across our living-room carpet again and again.

No one else did things like that.

A truly great ballplayer with a career .300 average, I also learned from Ethan what it meant to “ride” a player. He was even doing it at Yale, where “Poppy” Bush had once been his first baseman.

He had a reputation in the sport as what my father called a “bench jockey,” and I could see that Ethan’s biting remarks made my father very happy in some way.

Kit and I played endless games of All-Star Baseball, the game Ethan had invented which is still being played. Each player on your team would have a disc with variously sized pieces of a pie that reflected his career average of singles, doubles, triples, walks, strikeouts, etc.

Successive players would come to the plate whereupon their disks were fitted over a metal arrow that we would spin with our fingertips. Thus the game would exactly follow the odds of what should happen.

I only remember the title of one of his books: Winning Baseball. In spite of Ethan’s joking manner, and he was a very funny man, I always thought of him as the ultimate authority on the game of baseball.

Since the game hasn’t changed that much, there’s a chance he still is.

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10 July 13 - 19, 2011

by Mark Miller

“The Dallasite from the North”

Baseball really is a simple game. You hit the ball, throw the ball and catch the ball.

Do all three well and you challenge for the World Series.

Do anything less and you likely fall short.

It’s also a game full of statistics. In analyzing the Texas Rangers at the All-Star break, a quick look at the numbers is essential.

The team is near the top of the American League in hitting, in the middle in pitching and at the bottom in fielding. Those certainly are not impressive numbers by any standard, especially for the defending American League champion.

“Once you experience what we did last year it’s a huge challenge,” said outfielder David Murphy. “It’s been said the challenge isn’t doing it once, it’s repeating.”

The first-half numbers reflect an inconsistency

that would seem to keep most teams from repeating. A 9-1 start and 7-0 finish helped fuel at 51-41 record at the break.

However, the Rangers went 9-17 starting April 11 and 2-8 from June 6-16.

The Rangers could be at the .500 mark and in second or third place in the American League West division. Instead, they again are in first place having shared first or been alone there since May 16. Because of the good and despite the bad, they are in position to make another playoff run.

“In spots we haven’t been consistent,” Murphy said July 6 before the team swept Baltimore. “On days we’ve pitched we haven’t hit and vice-versa.

We’re not too far away from putting a great streak together.”

Here’s a breakdown by area of what the Rangers have done well and ways to improve when play resumes Thursday at Seattle.

July 13 - 19, 2011 11

the plate all season. He’s in the top 10 in hitting (.323), hits (116), doubles (25) and runs batted in (59). That’s why he was selected to his seventh All-Star Game.

All-Star third baseman Adrian Beltre, signed as a free agent to replace departed designated hitter Vladimir Guerrero, also has been outstanding. The only Ranger to play in all 92 games, he is second in the league in runs batted in with 71 while hitting a respectable .273 with 19 home runs and playing his usual strong defense.

The Rangers’ other offensive All-Star, Josh Hamilton, was rounding into form entering the break after missing nearly six weeks to injury.

His average was back to .301 and his home run (11) and RBI production (49) were climbing fast.

Even with the departure of Cliff Lee, the young Ranger starters had a 40-24 record.

New ace C.J. Wilson continued his strong 2010 showing by going 9-3 with a 3.20 ERA to earn an All-Star spot. Colby Lewis was steady again at 8-7, 4.38.

But the real story was Alexi Ogando, last year’s eighth-inning reliever who moved into the rotation with the injury to Tommy Hunter. Ogando responded by going 9-3 with a 2.92 ERA and was a late addition to the All-Star team. In addition, left-handers Derek Holland (7-4, 4.68) and Matt Harrison (7-7, 3.04) provided a number of quality starts.

“We went out and pitched well enough to give the team a chance to win games,” Holland said. “We want to keep doing what we’re doing. We have the ability to go deep into games. Once we really catch fire, teams will have to catch us.”

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The team only trails Boston in batting average (.272) and runs scored (457), is second to the Yankees in home runs (112) and third in runs batted in to Boston and New York (430).

What makes those numbers even more impressive is the entire starting outfield of Josh Hamilton, Nelson Cruz and Julio Borbon were on the disabled list together in May and catcher-designated hitter Mike Napoli was out for three weeks starting June 12.

Also in June, hitting coach Thad Bosley was replaced by Scott Coolbaugh.

“The biggest positive is we’ve overcome some injuries,” Young said, also referring to some pitching injuries.

“We’ve been confident and more aggressive. Now it’s just a matter of putting it all together.”

Young has been stellar at

When Ogando was taken out of the bullpen, the Rangers knew it would strengthen one area and potentially hurt another.

That’s been exactly the case as relievers have registered an 11-17 record and only 31 holds, 10th in the league.

“You have to take the good with the bad,” said veteran reliever Darren Oliver. “Unless the bullpen has a 0.00 earned run average, you’re going to be questioned. Or unless

you are the Phillies and don’t need your bullpen.

“Anytime you use your bullpen three innings a night, there are going to be hiccups. We just need to go out and throw strikes and not walk so many.”

While Oliver has walked just eight batters in 33 innings, closer Neftali Feliz has walked 18 in 34 innings and Mark Lowe 12 in 26+ innings.

Interestingly, the team with the most errors (73) in the league also has turned in the most double plays (106). Ask the coaching staff and this easily is the top priority to fix after the break.

“We have to play better defense,” said third base coach Dave Anderson. “Our defense has allowed teams to be in a position to score some runs and they’ve taken advantage of it.

“This game is funny. Last year we played decent defense and when we did make an error it didn’t seem to hurt us.

This year when we do, it opens the floodgates and teams are taking advantage.”

Shortstop Elvis Andrus was the biggest culprit with 15 errors while Beltre had a surprising 11. Catcher Yorvit Torrealba had seven and outfielder Nelson Cruz had six.

Last year the Rangers had a 50-38 record at the All-Star break after losing four games at home to Baltimore. This year they are 51-41 and winners of their last seven.

Even with their inconsistencies, players and coaches alike all pointed out that the Rangers lead their division. Still, they are not satisfied with the first half.

“We haven’t played our best baseball yet, we know that,” Young said. “But we know what it takes to get it done.

“This is a very professional group. If you’re not, you can go down in a hurry. It’s the right group to get it done.”

Perhaps the best news is for the first time all season, the Rangers are healthy. The return of Hunter and reliever Darren O’Day and Napoli in early July helped the team start the month at 8-2. They hope that’s the spark they need to break away from the rest of the division.

“We need to win 11 of 13 or have a great month like we did last June,” Murphy said. “I think the only thing that it will take more of is focus. The better our focus the better our results will be.”

“We have to keep getting better, staying with it and do the things we need to do to improve,” Young said.

The Rangers did all those things in a three-game sweep of Baltimore and four-game sweep of Oakland just before the break, a sign that maybe they will return to their 2010 glory.

“I think we’re starting to play the way we’re capable of,” said Manager Ron Washington. “We’ll take it if we can play like that the whole second half. But this is not what happens in baseball. There will be some down times. There will be times we don’t play our best but that’s the way the game goes.”

The Rangers are clearly the best team in the division on paper. If they play like they started and finished the first half, they should be in the playoffs again.

July 13 - 19, 2011 13 blitzweekly.com

by Hannah Allen

“Out and About in DFW”

The BUZZ on Commerce Last year my brothers insisted on taking me out to dinner for my birthday. When I use the word “insisted” anyone with a younger brother knows I mean “forgot until the day of.” That’s cool with me; free dinner and good conversation go together like peanut butter and from my neighborhood.” Whenever I’m chocolate.

They took me to Buzzbrews on Cen- out I never find myself ANYWHERE near tral Expressway. Zaq, the younger of the it and hit places like Zini’s, Twisted Root two, had discovered it some time before or Café Brazil instead. There is another during a hangover from hell. He ordered one on Lemmon but I rarely find myself the “Hare Krishna” and swore it was a bet- there either. My life is so sad without this ter cure than an Alka-Seltzer Car Bomb (4 food, guys. parts Pepto-Bismol, 2 parts Alka-Seltzer, You can understand my excitement 1 part Tequila dropped Irish Car Bomb upon learning a third Buzzbrews is openstyle into the Pepto-Alka-Mixture and ing up in Deep Ellum since I feel like I’m chugged). He always described the result down there every other day recently. You in words like “nourishing” or “cleansing.” can further imagine my surprise on discovThis was odd coming from a guy who eats ering that after acquiring the old Cowboy hot dogs cold and tops them with peanut Chow building on the corner of Crowdus and Commerce in the middle of last month butter and sweet pickle relish. True story.

Jacob, the older one promised it was they will be open for business next week. worth a try. “It’s like Café Brazil,” he said, You can, I’m sure, continue to imagine my “Only better.” I’ve loved Café Brazil for excitement (now bordering on convulsions a long, long time. The first time I went I of happiness) upon learning that there will was probably 17 and out late with some also be a full service bar at this location.

After doing a little very grown-up sophisdigging I discovered ticated friends in Deep that the founder and Ellum – the Sugar In of Buzzbrews, The Raw in the caddies You can understand my owner Ernest Belmore, also sold me – and ordered excitement upon learning founded Café Brazil an Everything Quesaback in the 90s. With dilla. When I lived in a third Buzzbrews is a rock star swagger, Denton my roommate opening up in Deep zen aura and carpenand I used to make ter’s hands he’s posiEllum since I feel like I’m trips to Deep Ellum the most chill just to get them. In down there every other tively restaurant owner I’ve fact, my editor took me day recently. ever come into contact there a few weeks ago. with. All those years I’ve always loved it ago he was ahead of and happily it’s always the curve, so to speak, been there on Elm and in wanting organic, natural, real food, legit Malcolm X. Could Buzzbrews really be fair-trade coffee and a broad cross section better?

The tiny restaurant with comic-style of waitstaff and clientele. Buzzbrews was characters on the windows comes com- born out of the same desire and will soon plete with a self-serve coffee bank, ador- be Café Brazil’s direct competitor. able waitstaff and – Zaq was not wrong – Several of us who have known the Deep Ellum neighborhood for many years simply delicious menu offerings.

I ordered the “Hare Krishna” and have remember its somewhat darker origins in never been more pleasantly surprised. the early 90s and the shift to the edgy alJacob got some incredibly tasty chicken beit trendy hot spot it morphed into later dish and Zaq ordered quesadillas. Both of that decade and into the next. The more which I tasted and both of which I wish I recent near-demise of the beloved stomphad ordered in conjunction with my “Hare ing ground has thankfully given way to an Krishna.” I have to say Zaq’s descriptive enormous renaissance that is celebrating the melting pot of all those generations terms were pretty right on.

As I said, Buzzbrews is way over on now that we’ve all grown up a little bit.

Central and, so as not to attract a stalker Order a “Hare Krishna” and think with specifics, we’ll just say “far away about that for a hot minute.

[We’re back with Rick Ross from the Rick rationalbroadcasting.com Ross Institute talking about cults and all that goes with that.] I’ve always been very intrigued with cults and one of the ones that has really fascinated me the most is Heaven’s Gate.

People who seemed very confused about their sexuality, or not able to accept it.

Did you get that vibe at all?

[In] Heaven’s Gate the followers were cloning the leader. That is the basic assumption—that the leader is some kind of perfected human that should be emulated.

Marshall Applewhite, according to reports, struggled with his sexuality and could not seem to accept the fact that he was a gay man, and ultimately he was castrated. He had himself altered sexually. And many of the members of the group, again, cloned Applewhite and did the same. Members all had the same haircuts, they dressed the same… It was as if there was no difference between male and female. And they were, of course, celibate and abstained from any kind of sexual relationship.

by Jack E. Jett “Jett Streams”

Here’s where I get confused, Rick. The things you described as like a cult… I can’t see a big difference between that and Christianity. And Pentecostal. And Catholics. To me all forms of organized religion are some form of a cult, just bigger or larger.

I would say there are distinct differences.

First of all, Jesus is not exercising absolute authority in the lives of people within Christian Churches. And Protestant Churches have church government. Democratically elected church boards and a system of checks and balances in which no one has totalitarian power. So they’re less likely to be abusive. It’s like the old axiom: power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.

Has there ever been a war started that wasn’t based in religion in some way?

Well, I think that greed, religion, intolerance of one sort or another have begotten wars but my focus is really that destructive cults, recruiting people on a day to day basis in our society, hurt people. I receive calls from families across the country that have been adversely affected by groups called cults, that haven’t heard from their children for

long periods of time, and maybe even don’t know where they are, and are estranged.

I think that happens in a lot of organized religions…

I would say, in a small minority of the mainline Protestant denominations. I never receive complaints from families saying, gee, the Episcopal Church has got my kid…

What about the Catholic Church? Saying they had molested my child?

No, I have not had complaints about the Roman Catholic Church as an abusive, cult-like organization. Certainly the Ross Institute has one of the largest archives of clergy abuse on the internet and there have been individual priests and individual pastors and rabbis that have abused members of their congregations and exploited them sexually, and I think that that’s wrong, but it’s more an individual situation than it is systemic…

So you see the abuse of children in the Catholic Church as an individual thing?

You don’t see it as something running rampant?

It certainly has been a situation that has drawn a lot of attention. But when you look at the priests who have been found guilty of sexual abuse, many of whom have been criminally prosecuted, they represent a very small percentage relative to the total number of priests in the church.

So if I choose to join a Heaven’s Gate-like cult, and I’m not bringing my children, don’t I have the right to do that, and if I want to kill myself, have the right to go kill myself?

Well, I think Heaven’s Gate is an example of people that isolated themselves and did what the group dictated. But given that, I would say that we live in a free country and we have a first amendment that guarantees freedom of religion and certainly people have the right to believe as they wish. But that does not give them the right to behave however they want. So, for example, in child abuse cases, in certain groups, or in the denial of medical care, or in some way financially—through fraud or exploitation or taking advantage of members—these are things that I think are of concern and not covered by freedom of religion.

[JETT STREAMS airs on Wednesday and Friday from 4 to 6 p.m. on rationalbroadcasting.com]

July 13 - 19, 2011 15 blitzweekly.com

Transformers Special Edition Camaro

You don’t need to be a fan of Michael Bay’s idiotic, explosionfilled Transformers movies to enjoy racing around in a Transformers Special Edition Camaro. Available in LT and SS versions, these Bumblebee-inspired rides feature rally yellow paint with black stripes on the hood, roof, decklid, and model-specific high-wing rear spoiler, Autobot logos on the front quarter panels, front headrests, center console lid, and center wheel caps, 20-inch black-painted wheels, black leather interiors with yellow stitching, and optional 21-inch black-painted wheels and a black ground effects package. (Price – $31,650 and up)

Archipod

In need of a home office but out of space in your home to create an ideal work area? Well, if you don’t mind working in a circular, seed-like structure, the Archipod could be just what you’re looking for. This spherical workstation measures 12.5 feet in diameter and 8.25 feet high, with a steel-framed porthole window on the side for a view of the outdoors, a 6-foot diameter clear polycarbonate dome on top to let in fresh air on warm days, an integrated electric heater to keep things livable when it’s cold, a locking gull-wing door for entrance, electrical outlets for connection of computers and other electronic necessities, and a smooth, fully plastered and painted white interior that features no visible joints and belies the earthy friendliness of its Western Red Cedarshingled exterior. (Price – $40,000)

Coleman Portable Propane Coffeemaker

It doesn’t matter whether you’re emerging from a tent for a long day of fishing or simply too lazy to run through Starbucks prior to a big day of tailgating — you’re going to need some coffee. Which is where the Coleman Portable Propane Coffeemaker comes in. Powered by a single 16.4 oz propane cylinder, this road-ready gadget brews up 10 cups of joe in under 20 minutes, giving you plenty of time to get ready for your day. (Price – $90) Carbon-saving materials (hemp) are being used in the construction of this teaching facility in Britain.

For a time during the Second World War hemp editor@blitzweekly.com was grown for patriotic reasons, primarily to provide needed cordage for our ships. Well, it’s time to double down on our former patriotism and throw our nation’s energy and resources into the growing of hemp and the manufacture of products derived from it.

The reasons we should be one of the world’s major hemp producers are many and compelling. First, it can be grown almost anywhere in the continental United States; it is especially well-suited to replace crops like tobacco which are less and less pertinent to the economy of the future; with its fourmonth growing season it is a lucrative crop, does not deplete the soil and its density and lush foliage prevent weeds without herbicides.

Most importantly, it captures carbon from the air and sequesters it. Fields of hemp are therefore the most efficient and economical way of addressing air pollution by hydrocarbons. Over time, widespread planting of hemp would reverse the pollution that is contributing to climate change. Once hemp has replaced wheat, corn and soybeans as a source of food—not to mention a highly desirable building material as well as a

by Jeff Putnam Blitz Weekly Editor

source of cosmetics, fabrics, paper and cordage—planting might be so widespread that we achieve a negative carbon footprint in all our building and even reverse some of the damage that has been done.

Hemp’s usefulness surpasses all other plants in a host of ways—right down to the percentage of protein it contains (25%) and the availability of that protein. This plant can put the brakes on our extinction. Its widespread cultivation will correct the imbalances caused by our ignorance and inadequacies. Human beings organized in parties may well continue to blame each other for everything that has gone wrong with our country and sincerely believe that life will get better when their group is in control. Well, let them believe it. Let them point the finger at each other and take credit for every public good from now till the end of time. As long as hemp is being cultivated in quantities that will feed us, clothe us and provide shelter for us, life will get better no matter what our politicians say about it or what they or their spokespeople can make our citizens believe.

When the advantages of building with hemp are widely understood it will quickly replace all other products for the outer walls of commercial and residential buildings

alike, or in another form, for their insulating core, and it will replace gypsum (sheet rock), plaster and other forms of paneling or inner wall finish-out. And as an added inducement to begin using it, hempen building materials miraculously continue to sequester carbon during their six hundred years of life.

Soon “shiv” and “hurd” will be terms known to every schoolchild, referring to the core of the hemp plant’s stem (within the long fibers of the “bast,” or outer layer).

Broken into pieces and mixed with lime it has many of the virtues of concrete, stucco or adobe—except that it is more flexible, has a much higher insulation factor, is fireproof and can easily be made waterproof.

As new products are discovered that will extend the durability of this wonderful product we may soon find ourselves in the position of the enlightened builders of the Great Wall of China (whose admixing of rice flour gave their mortar its amazing durability).

Though building only a small vacation getaway, we will be building for the ages.

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16 July 13 - 19, 2011

by Judy Chamberlain

Food, Entertainment and Lifestyle Editor www.JudyChamberlain.com

There seems to be a feeling from some quarters that Dallas is not a first-rate dining town. I disagree.

There are a ton of great restaurants in Dallas and the surrounding areas, and I plan to tell you about the best of them, the most interesting and the hidden gems.

One thing you probably won’t find here, though, is the term “celeb-

rity chef.”

I was reminded of the overuse of this hackneyed term while reading what some of the local press had to say about Marquee Grill and Bar, the subject of my review this week.

Catch Marquee Grill while you can still get in. Since opening to rave reviews a mere few months ago, it’s become the hottest new restaurant in Dallas. I predict that it will soon be known as one of the best restaurants in the country.

This is high praise coming from someone as picky as I am and no, I am not their publicist.

If you’re a Dallas foodie and you watch Top Chef, you know about Tre Wilcox. He’s the guy who made the

“Look, Muffy, a restaurant for us.”

Highland Park Village’s popular new Marquee Grill and Bar is sleek and friendly—not stuffy, trendy or self-important. It’s a pretty place, nicely appointed with bespoke tables, chairs and leather banquettes purposely designed to be the right height, shape and scale for both male and female guests. The food is eclectic with surprising twists and turns that mostly work, and the location is wonderful.

Top Chef All-Star Tre Wilcox is in the kitchen—and often out on the floor greeting guests.

Wilcox juxtaposes kaleidoscopic flavors and textures: hot, cold, soft, crunchy, sweet, pungent and salty elements. He knows what to do with a good piece of meat, ladles spicy soup over edamame, mashes avocados into the dressing of a fried chicken salad and puts chocolate covered popcorn on a timbale-like dessert built of chocolate ganache and every other conceivable form of chocolate he can lay his hands on. His presentation of silky seared foie gras, served with a fruit-infused, Marquee Grill robustly crackle-topped crème brûlée, belongs in the 32 Highland Park Village, Dallas, TX 76205 Louvre.

214 522-6035, marqueegrill.com, M-Sun 11 a.m. - Closing He also takes the service that goes with his food Continuous Food Service, Outdoor Patio, Full Bar, Bar Menu very seriously, telling me one night that the waiters in the main dining room, which flows from the open exhibition kitchen, have the extra pressure of risotto that won once and lost another me he’s interested in doing, which time. Interestingly, it was the same is sharing his creativity and bringing knowing he’s watching every move they make. exact risotto both times. younger, less experienced chefs to The waiters are sneaky enough to be able to deliver things to your table without being noticed, and nobody is gazing off into He’s also a Dallas native who’s his table, so to speak. the Executive Chef at Marquee Grill. I’ll bet he doesn’t give a hoot space while you’re trying to get their attention. I love how happy Wilcox, who is entirely self- about being called a celebrity any- the people at the door are to see you. They want everyone to feel like a star, and show you to the best table in the house even when taught, has said that he learned a lot thing. from being on the show. He wants to Self-taught, creative and humble you’ve just come from the gym.

These are not minor details. teach, inspire and share his knowl- is a nice combination. edge.

The word “celebrity” is so over- Marquee Grill practically levitates with high-spirited camaraderie. I’m fairly certain that most of the customers know each other.

If the Grill had been around in the late 1970s, it would have been a staple of “The Official Preppy Handbook,” a partially tongue-in-cheek send-up of unnamed members of a mostly East Coast yacht club, polo pony, Ralph Lauren-wearing jet set crowd and the singularlyfavored watering holes to which they gravitated on the Georgetown, Grosse Point Farms, Greenwich, Palm Beach, East Hampton, Nantucket and Upper East Side circuit.

Maybe you were there. You know who you are.

Did Dallas ever have a Preppy Handbook-worthy restaurant? I don’t think so. But it has one now. Marquee Grill is that place.

The critics are standing on their heads trying to explain Marquee Grill’s instantaneous success. It’s brand new The kitchen is so small that food used by writers and bloggers that it’s but looks like it’s been there for years, they say. Actually, it has. has to be is delivered twice a day. becoming meaningless. There was Appropriating parts of the Escada Boutique’s former storage area Wilcox wanted it that way. Unlike a time, not long ago, when the best and the landmark Highland Park Village Theater gave owners the Top Chef set, where the chefs chefs in the world referred to them- Brian Twomey and Mark Hearl the extra square footage they run around all over the place looking selves as “cooks.” needed for this, the venerable Highland Park Village’s newest for ingredients, his domain affords a To me, celebrity chefs are in the showplace. reach-out-and-grab-it ease of cook- same category as so-called celebrity The patina that defines Marquee Grill isn’t about how new ing. wedding planners. The good ones or old it is, though. It’s about how deeply its owners understand If anyone is a celebrity chef in never call themselves that. They just the sort of hospitality that appeals to a clientele that likes to feel the Dallas/Ft. Worth area these days, do their jobs. They know that their equally at ease showing up in white tie and tails or tennis attire. it’s probably Wilcox, who has made customers are the stars—and the only This is my kind of environment, New York City girl that I am. good use of his personality and sense celebrity at a wedding is the one in Mix, mingle or dine alone here. Go upstairs and visit with of adventure for large numbers to white. bartender Jason Kosmos; the bar serves food all day and is open see, that is if they’re fans of reality As for Dallas being recognized late most nights. cooking shows. as a world-class dining destination, it Is Marquee Grill a perfect restaurant? If there are flaws, He’s obviously having a ball get- already is one. Now we need to let they’re very minor. I’m betting that Wilcox, et al, aren’t planning to stop learning and creating until they’ve turned Marquee Grill ting to take his craft into the strato- the rest of the world know it. sphere in a rarified setting like Mar- Anyone been to their celebrity into one of the best restaurants in America. It’s already one of the best restaurants in Dallas. quee Grill. I like what he has told dry cleaner lately?

HORRORSCOPES

Cancer (Jun. 22 – Jul. 22)

The bad news is that you will pass away next week.

You will be remembered as the employee who was never late to the morning meeting and always brought breakfast.

FUNNIES

Leo (Jul. 23 – Aug. 22)

Congrats! On Friday you will be put in a secure, soundproof, gun-filled room with lots of ammo where you can’t hurt anyone but yourself.

Q: What’s the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?

A: Bigfoot has been spotted.

Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22)

On Saturday of this week there will be a series of excruciatingly painful metaphorical and physical low blows for you. Good luck!

Q: What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?

A: Yell at her!

Q: What do you call it when a 90year old man masturbates successfully?

A: Miracle whip.

Dog Day Afternoon One Fall day, Bill was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by. Following the first hearse, was a second hearse which was followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in single file. Intrigued, Bill went up to the man following the second hearse and asked him who was in the first hearse. “My wife,” the man replied. “I’m sorry,” said Bill. “What happened to her?” “My dog bit her and she died.” Bill then asked the man who was in the second hearse.

The man replied, “My mother-in-law. My dog bit her and she died as well.” Bill thought about this for a while. He finally asked the man, “Can I borrow your dog?” To which the man replied, “Get in line.”

blitzweekly.com

JOKES

July 13 - 19, 2011 17

Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22) ACROSS:

1. Cart 6. A river in Spain 10. Stetsons and derbies 14. Spanish for “(girl) friend” 15. Association 16. Graven image 17. Put off 18. Sound 19. Fizzy drink 20. Entwined 22. Sometimes, what food

is served on 23. A hand 24. Sarcasm 26. Military greeting 30. Transparent 32. Make amends 33. Abundant 37. Morally admirable 38. In the air 39. Usually topped with

ice cream 40. Litigant 42. A chinese bamboo eater 43. French for “Queen” 44. A unit of atomic mass

45. Undue speed 47. Crag 48. Crooked 49. African holly 56. Indian music 57. Competent 58. Nude 59. Roasting appliance 60. Fastens 61. Homeric epic 62. Join metal 63. Feudal worker 64. 1 cent coin

DOWN:

1. Dry riverbed 2. Ends a prayer 3. Present 4. Arch type 5. Relate 6. Outer or exterior 7. Alliance 8. Magical symbol 9. Compliant 10. Belonging to the past 11. Beautify 12. Now

13. Kill 21. Deception 25. Rodent 26. Epic 27. At the peak of 28. Coil 29. Comprehend 30. Copy 31. Not right 33. Scheme 34. Typeface 35. Cancel 36. Not fat 38. Arouse hostility 41. Permit 42. Whitish edible root 44. A very small circular shape 45. Retch 46. Cherub 47. Not those 48. The peak of a hill 50. Nile bird 51. Secluded valley 52. Fit as a fiddle 53. Similar 54. A university administrator 55. Swirl

Now is a great time to start new projects, as long as they don’t involve a router, a band saw, or tungsten inert gas welding.

Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21)

On Monday the doctor will tell you that you’re only in for a routine colonoscopy. On Tuesday you will discover your fame from YouTube.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21)

Between the drug money, blood money, and hush money, it’s a wonder you have anything left to spend on sex.

Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19)

You’ve never really been the type of person who looks for a certain physical type in a mate, mostly because you have a nine-person staff to do that for you.

Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18)

You’re in for another rotten week of romance at the office, which is pretty bad, since you are selfemployed and work from home.

Pisces (Feb. 19 – Mar. 20)

You’ve always bragged about never wanting to be a role model to kids, which is a good thing for all those kids who want to be rich and famous.

Aries (Mar. 21 – Apr. 19)

Smuggling yourself across the border hidden in a truckload of prunes would have worked, had you been able to control your insatiable appetite for prunes.

Taurus (Apr. 20 – May 20)

This is the week where you say “F*ck it!” and go to WinStar and bet your life savings!

Gemini (May 21 – Jun. 21)

You will meet the girl of your dreams in a car accident only to discover that she is married with children.

blitzweekly.com

18 July 13 - 19, 2011

It’s Time to Yank A Little Sense…

Advice Columnist BLITZbudsman:

I consider you a disgrace to our profession. I note that in many of your columns you skirt close to advising homicide or suicide without incriminating yourself. My wife has wondered if your column is written by the Devil, or someone who wants to set himself up as a Devil the way certain political pundits have set themselves up as God. I think you’re just someone who hates humanity and is doing everything he can to incite our species to destroy itself by any means possible. Which is why it’s very strange to be asking for your help, but you’ll see in a moment why I can’t go to a decent person with this problem.

Who knows, by responding to my story in the right way, you might be able to clear your name of trying to promote evil—if that’s something you really want to do.

Someone I worked with on a small Midwestern newspaper many years ago has been investigating the President. He had never been part of the investigation of the President’s Muslim roots or stories about his birth outside the United States. But during the time that those pointless charges were being made he had been astounded by how many U.S. citizens were interested in finding the President guilty of something.

As we all know, no one can help being born as he is, the color he is, with the body and brain that God has given him. Which is why I never gave a flip where Obama was born. He won the office of President fair and square so I accept him as my Commander in Chief. However, if my friend is telling the truth about what he saw—and he claims to have the photos to prove it—there’s a good chance many millions of Americans will rethink their loyalties.

No, he hasn’t got photos of the President smoking a cigarette, which would be enough to get him thrown out of office if it appeared to be hand-rolled. What he has is far worse and potentially more embarrassing. He has pictures of the POTUS urinating outdoors! Closeups that put the Presidential face and the Presidential wiener in one frame! (How sad that our nation’s editors recently let “weiner” go by without pointing out the misspelling.)

Needless to say, we have the technology

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, my www.dennishambright.com Mama raised a gentleman, and I truly believe that imbuing that sense of Southern civility into the core of a young man must carry with it the strength of Hercules. Otherwise, I’m pretty sure I’d already be featured on an episode of Cops, handcuffed and hog-tied in the backseat of a patrol car, banging my head on the window, trying to escape so I could continue my felonious rampage. Undoubtedly, a gentlemanly nature must be the key, because I can’t think of any other internal throttling mechanism that could possibly hold back my burning desire to run amok in the streets, grabbing fistfuls of hair, trying to yank some sense into the idiots and ne’er-do-wells that seem to be multiplying these days like roaches in a downtown flophouse.

Granted, my personal level of tolerance might not be of any biblical proportions, but I’m pretty proud of myself when it comes to a live-and-let-live attitude. However, with the continual onslaught of nonsense spewed out about things we’re expected to accept and say, “Oh well, that’s just the way it is

you’re sleeping in a bed of roses or a pile-apoop? Good choice, numb-nuts!

these days,”…well, I’m beginning to see the proverbial edge on the near horizon, and I think I’m about to go tumbling over it. If that happens, someone better dial 9...1… and have their finger ready on the other 1, because I’m afraid it won’t be pretty.

Here’s some recent tidbits of so-called intelligence that make the vein on the side of my head throb:

couldn’t sneak across their border, or stay 30 seconds past the date on my visa, or they’d catch me, shake me upside down until every last peso fell out of my pockets, and then if I was lucky, they wouldn’t beat me senseless before kicking my illegal-immigrant butt out of their country. And you know what? They should, because I disrespected and broke their laws. So, if some backwater Banana Republic can do it, why can’t the good old USA? I’ll tell you why. It’s not because we can’t…it’s because we won’t.

We’re so politically sensitive we’re afraid someone might think we’re being mean, and they won’t like us anymore. Well Boo-Hoo! I think it’s time we sucked it up, took control of our own back yard, and stopped worrying about whether we’re the most popular kid on the block.

by Dennis Hambright Blitz Weekly Writer

to put the wiener in focus, and my friend has wide-angle shots that will show where the crime took place—on property belonging to the Park Service! The President has been caught pi$$ing on the United States! Like a Frenchman, right by the side of the road!

While Secret Service people, paid for with our tax dollars, were acting as lookouts!

There isn’t a paper in the country, liberal or conservative, that wouldn’t pay millions to have these pictures. Since women never got to know what President Clinton’s wiener looked like in that last big scandal, think what it would mean to them when they’re having their fantasies to know what they’re putting their mouths around! With women being the main buyers of magazines and newspapers, this would be a bonanza for sure. But now that the executive has the power to order hits on people, even Americans, my friend is afraid he’s done for. No one can publish fast enough to keep the word from getting out, and if he opted for the net, he’d lose his chance for a big payday.

As for me, I think it would hurt our country to have it compared to France.

Much as I like my friend, I knew right away I had to turn him in. That’s when I thought of your friends in the CIA. Enclosed is all the info you’ll need to check out my story and put this guy away.

– Concerned colleague

Dear Concerned: Thanks for making it so easy to find you. In my capacity as The Devil I’ll get my minions on it right away.

If there’s any truth to what you say, you can be sure that you and your friend will suffer horribly before departing this planet.

Write to the BLITZbudsman at blitzbudsman@blitzweekly.com

Kids Would Rather Lose Sense of Smell Than Lose Facebook: 7,000 people were polled in several countries, and the majority said they’d feel isolated and left out of the loop without technology, so they’d rather have their social networks than their sense of smell. Are you freakin’ kidding me??? So Poindexter, I guess you’d rather be able to beg acceptance as a ‘friend’ by some online cutie in Bangladesh, than be able to tell if

We’re Fat Because We Eat More: Here’s an actual excerpt from a mainstream news article: “…a big reason for our national weight gain is that we’re simply eating more.” Really? Someone probably paid a ton of money to a panel of scientific experts for that declaration of wisdom. Hey, I know a four-yearold that jams Cheerios up his nose and eats globs of Elmer’s Glue before naptime at PreKinder, and I bet he could have figured that one out. Come on people, stop it with all the excuses and searching for some magic pill to lose weight. Here’s the bottom line: If you cram more calories in your pie-hole than you burn off with activity, then your physique is going to look like a stack of old lawnmower tires. (And little Timmy just blew a piece of cereal out of his nose and gave me a thumbsup from the teeter-totter…he agrees!)

We Can’t Control Our Borders: BULL SH*#!!! I’ve lived and worked in some of the most illiterate, dirt-poor, technologically deficient countries in the world, and I