Blitz Weekly by Blitz Weekly

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 1

September 7 – september 13, 2011

SPORTS NEWS

Nothing “Super” About Super Conferences

Publisher Kelly G. Reed Editor Chris Patterson Food, Entertainment and Lifestyle Editor Judy Chamberlain Photo Editor Darryl Briggs Cover Photography: Matt Pearce Design: Damien Mayfield STAFF PHOTOGRAPHERS John Breen, Gregg Case, Steven Hendrix, Rick Leal, Kevin Jacobson, Joe Lorenzini, Chuck Majors

CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHERS Keith Allison, Mandi Berg, Manny Flores, Wesley Fryer, Josh Hallett, KT King, Matt Pearce, Dekuwa, Moses, Notwist STAFF WRITERS Hannah Allen, Tony Barone, Geoff Case, Vivian Fullerlove, Robin George, Dennis Hambright, Jack E. Jett, Frank LaCosta, Mark Miller, Jesse Whitman CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Joe Avezzano, Jay Betsill, Sonny Capps, David Goodspeed, Andrew J. Hewett, Jason Miller, Tommy Smith, Joe Stumpo

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According to Pete Fiutak of collegefootballnews. com, the next five years could result in four super conferences of 18 teams each. The topic was broached last year when Nebraska took their talents to the Big 10 Conference and Colorado went west to join Utah in the newly named Pacific-12 Conference. Thoughts were that the Big 12 Conference would crumble by the end of summer of 2010. Rumors of Texas A&M joining the Southeastern Conference were abound. With Texas A&M rumored to again be seeking admission to the SEC perhaps as early as this week, the college football world appears ready to throw away 130 years of tradition. It’s amazing to see what has taken place since the inception of the BCS in 1998. The dominoes will fall as conference consolidation and expansion occurs for the SEC, Pac-12, Big 10 and ACC. The Big 12 like the Southwest Conference will be an afterthought. Super conferences? Sooners head coach Bob Stoops recently said, “It seems that’s the direction that the world’s going.” The Pac12 and Big 10 commissioners recently agreed that the BCS football championship needs some changing including playoffs. Realistically the so-called “super conferences” will consist of 16 teams with two divisions per conference. Teams will still play a typical 10 or 11 regular game schedule and a conference championship. Teams will face at most seven or eight conference “rivals” each season. The opposing conference rival might have a history or a regional tie but then again might not. The aforementioned conference championship will become meaningless since in any given year a school will have faced only half of their conference. The conference championship would merely be a part of

a moneymaking event for the conference. Perhaps this is what the college football decision makers have planned. The math is pretty simple: four conference champions facing off in two semi-final games with the victors facing off in a National Championship game. Think of the hype. Think of the money! The NCAA should be all about equality. However with 64 schools potentially forming four super conferences that will leave out about 55 schools from the equation. Where do these orphans go? As difficult as it is currently to win a college football National Championship these schools will have no choice but to accept being second-class citizens in the college football world. What would happen to the “Independent” schools such as Notre Dame, the service academies, even BYU? Certainly some of these institutions are storied and several have invested a great deal financially e.g. UNT. Are they going to drop to Football Championship Subdivision status? Ask Baylor or USF that question and see how “super” the response will be. Another NCAA cash cow casualty will be the bowl games. In years prior going to a bowl game was a reward for winning one’s conference. The bowl game actually pitted two quality programs worthy of attending in person or at the very least watching on TV. With the expansion of bowl games in recent years that start as early as mid-December and lasting through the first week of January, the NCAA and participating schools have benefitted financially and with exposure. With four super conferences and a possible playoff system these current bowl games will be as popular as a 1976 Ford Pinto getting rear-ended. Nothing super about that!

MUST SEE TV

SPORTS NEWS On Deck 3 Must See TV 3 Rangers 4 TCU Preview 6 SMU Preview 6 UNT Preview 7 Big 12 Game of the Week 7 Cowboys 8 Troy Aikman Interview 8 Cover Story Cowboys Season Preview 10-11 Blitz babe of the week Sarah 12 Restaurant review Taco Diner 13 Local Entertainment 7 Things in 7 Days 13 Hollywood Profile 14 Movie Review 14 Star Wars on Blu-ray 15 The Gift of KISS 15 Man world Auto Review 16 Gadgets 16 The Joystick 16 Blitz Funnys Jokes/Horrorscopes/Weird News 17 The CLOSER Weekend Relaxer 18 Quasi-Domesticated Carnivore 18 Color Me Red, White & Blue… 18

By Frank LaCosta flacosta@blitzweekly.com

@Dutch_Oven45 Derek Holland [Texas Rangers] Chuck Norris 101- Tom Bodett leaves the light on at motel 6 out of fear of Chuck Norris

S av i n g y o u f r o m c a r pa l T H UM B s y m p t o m s !

NFL: Saints vs. Packers

NCAA:

Thu. September 8 – 7:30PM – Lambeau Field – NBC

Sat. September 10 – 2:30PM – Beaver Stadium – ABC

The defending Super Bowl champion Green Bay Packers begin the season hosting the New Orleans Saints. The Pack remain virtually unchanged from last year’s run. The Saints on the other hand have newcomer Mark Ingram at running back who will get some touches and lots of new faces on defense. With lots of offensive firepower for both teams expect excitement and big plays.

Alabama vs. Penn St.

The Crimson Tide’s quarterback debate will have little affect on the game and look for running back Trent Richardson to be the focal point of the offense. They destroyed Kent State last week in a tune-up for this game. Much can be said of the Nittany Lions who also have a quarterback debate and destroyed Indiana State. Joe Pa has preached “toughness” to the team and they’ll need it. Follow blitz weekly on twitter and facebook

September 7 – september 13, 2011

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 1

SPORTS NEWS

RANGERS Feldman sparks pitching turnaround

So maybe this questionable starting pitching was just temporary for the Texas Rangers. Or maybe they just needed to use Scott Feldman earlier. Jump-started by Feldman’s stellar performance in his first start of the season, the team had four strong mound outings to go 4-2 last week. They took two of three games each against two of the American League’s best teams. Feldman, giving Matt Harrison a much-needed rest, yielded just two hits and no runs in six innings of a 2-0 win over the Tampa Bay Rays. That earned him another start Monday in place of Alexi Ogando who, like Harrison the previous week, struggled last Wednesday. C.J. Wilson, who yielded five home runs in his previous outing against the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, was nearly as strong as Feldman giving up two runs and two hits in six innings of a 7-2 victory over the Rays. The good pitching continued Friday in Boston as Derek Holland opened the series by yielding no runs and two hits in seven innings of a 10-0 win. Harrison returned to the rotation Sunday by going seven innings and giving up two runs and seven hits in an 11-4 finale in Beantown. “The rest definitely helped,” Harrison told mlb. com. “I had my legs under me and felt great the whole game. Even with 110 pitches, I felt good the whole game. I was able to command my fastball in and out and throw my curveball any time I wanted. Because of that I was able to keep them off-balance. Mentally getting a break was good, because I was able to keep my focus the whole game.” On offense, the Rangers traded sluggers as third baseman Adrian Beltre returned from the disabled list Friday three days after right-fielder Nelson Cruz hurt a hamstring. Beltre reached a career milestone Sunday with his 2,000th career hit. Meanwhile, second baseman Ian Kinsler had four home runs and eight runs batted in for the week. “It just shows we’re continuing to play well and continuing to stay focused,” said outfielder David Murphy. “It’s tough to come in here (Boston) and win three games. To win the series is huge. A great goal from here on out is just to keep winning series.” The outcome gave the Rangers the season series over the Red Sox 6-4 and kept them threeand-a-half games ahead of the Angels with 21 games remaining. Light schedule upcoming Whether they need them or not, the Rangers will receive two off days in the next week. One comes Thursday after finishing their road trip in Tampa while the other comes Monday between home series against the Oakland Athletics and Cleveland Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com

By Mark Miller mmiller@blitzweekly.com

Upcoming Schedule: 9/7 @Rays 12:10 p.m. 9/9 Athletics 7:05 p.m. 9/10 Athletics 3:11 p.m. 9/11 Athletics 2:05 p.m. 9/13 Indians 7:05 p.m.

Indians. The Rangers own a season 9-4 edge over the Athletics including eight straight wins entering this weekend. Colby Lewis has won three of the games while C.J. Wilson has two of the victories. Texas swept four home games just before the AllStar break and won all three Aug. 12-14 in California. Texas has won six of seven previous games with the Indians include a four-game sweep in Cleveland. At the time, the Indians were ruling the American League Central division but since have fallen well behind the Detroit Tigers. for more local Sports news visit our website at: www.Blitzweekly.com

September 7 – september 13, 2011

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 1

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September 7 – september 13, 2011

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 1

SPORTS NEWS

Mustangs Look for Better Start

Instant Classic

The Baylor Bears beat TCU 50-48 in a wild season opener for both teams. Baylor’s Aaron Jones kicked a game deciding 37-yard field goal with 1:04 left in the game to thwart a ferocious comeback by the Horned Frogs. TCU overcame a 4723 deficit in the fourth quarter to briefly take a 48-47 lead due largely to new starting QB Casey Pachall, who completed 25 of 29 passes for 251 yards and four TD’s, in his first start replacing departed senior Andy Dalton. Baylor won one of the most anticipated season openers in school history on the backs of QB Robert Griffin and star receiver Kendall Wright. Griffin completed 21 of 27 passes for 359 yards, which included 12 catches for 189 yards and 2 TD’s to Wright.

“You can’t let six balls be thrown over your head and expect to win,” TCU coach Gary Patterson said. “You’ve got to give Baylor a lot of credit. You’ve got to understand that they did a good job, Robert Griffin and their receivers getting the ball over our head.” This is not the same TCU team that was a BCS buster the last two seasons. There are missing pieces of the defense that finished the last three seasons number 1 overall in the country. “I’m used to winning and stopping people,” Patterson said. “I’ve been telling you guys for almost six months that I’ve not been very happy with the defense.” TCU played six true freshmen in the game, the most in Patterson’s 11 year tenure. The Horned Frogs had a nation’s best 25game regular season winning streak come to a close. TCU had not lost a regular season contest since a 13-10 loss at Utah on November 6, 2008. TCU and Baylor are now tied 50-50-7 in the all-time series. TCU vs. Air Force Sat. Sept. 10: 2:30pm / Verus HD FALCON STADIUM

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By Tommy Smith tsmith@blitzweekly.com

By Tony Barone tbarone@blitzweekly.com

The last time the SMU Mustangs traveled to College Station to play football was in 1995. They lost to Texas A&M 66-8. Last Sunday’s season opener against the Aggies played out as though the century had not turned. The Aggies took the early 14-0 lead thanks to two Kyle Padron interceptions. SMU coach June Jones brought a short leash with him that immediately landed Padron on the bench. In came J. J. McDermott to spark the Mustang offense and indeed he did leading the Ponies on two scoring drives that cut the Aggie lead to six points at 20-14. That would be as close as it would get though as SMU was just outmanned 46-14 by the Aggies and their home crowd of 83,000 fans at Kyle Field. Conference play begins this week for the Mustangs as the UTEP Miners visit Ford Stadium with a 1-0 record after squeaking by FCS Stony Brook in week one. UTEP QB Nick Lamaison threw a 25-

yard touchdown pass to Donavon Kemp on UTEP’s first play of overtime as the Miners escaped Stony Brook’s upset bid in a 31-24 season-opening victory on Saturday night. Lamaison was 24 of 38 for 365 yards with three TDs and two interceptions. Kemp had four receptions for 144 yards, and Mike Edwards caught seven passes for 85 yards. It will be the passing attack that SMU will have to worry about as the Miners struggle to run the ball on offense. “We have three offensive linemen out, so we have to get them healthy. But yeah, I’m concerned about our not being able to run the ball.” Said UTEP coach Mike Price about his team’s running attack. SMU, on the other hand, may look to run the ball more itself as the Mustang offensive line and power running back Zach Line were the bright spots for the Ponies in week one. The big question to be answered this week is who will be under center for the Mustangs Saturday evening against UTEP. McDermott finished the game with 255 yards and one touchdown. My guess is we will not know the answer until 6pm on the Hilltop. Utep vs. SMU SAT. SEPT 10: 6pm / FSN GERALD J. FORD STADIUM

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 1

September 7 – september 13, 2011

SPORTS NEWS

By Frank LaCosta flacosta@blitzweekly.com

You won’t catch the Mean Green looking ahead of this game; everyone on the team is excited about opening this new stadium and will be focused on giving a good showing. Houston is the home-opener opponent and will provide some high powered spread offense excitement. Speaking of offense, Derek Thompson is still questionable for the game due to a leg injury. Whether he plays or not, they must put the ball in the hands of Lance Dunbar more to try to get some production. Thompson did a good job in the passing attack last week, and for that to be effective against the Cougars, UNT will have to draw attention to the play making abilities that Dunbar can provide. Houston’s defensive front line has produced gaping holes over the last few years, and Dunbar will need to exploit this. 18 carries isn’t enough for what should be the pillar of your offensive attack.

This week’s Big 12 Game of the Week is a rematch of last season’s Alamo Bowl between the Cowboys and the Wildcats. The Oklahoma State Cowboys have a new offensive coordinator in Todd Monken but little has changed under his watch. Facing the Louisiana-Lafayette Ragin’ Cajuns this past Saturday the offense put up 666 yards. The Cowboys won convincingly 61-34. Quarterback Brandon Weeden completed 24 of 39 passes for 388 yards. Last year’s Biletnikoff Award winner Justin Blackmon hauled in eight receptions for 144 yards. That marked his 13th straight game with at least 100 yards receiving. Sophomore running back Joseph Randle had 22 carries for 129 yards and a pair of touchdowns. Kicker Quinn Sharp from Mansfield, Texas lived up to his name by making four field goals and seven extra points. The Arizona Wildcats make their way to Stillwater fresh off of their 41-10 victory over the Northern Arizona Lumberjacks. In case you were wondering they are a Division 1 FCS school. The

Houston had its first non-conference game last week playing UCLA, the next three games will most likely be viewed as tune up games until they enter conference play on Sept 29th. The Cougars offense is geared around the passing of Keenum. As explosive as the offense is the defense does have its weaknesses. The linebacker corps is solid and they are returning three defensive linemen in an effort to shore up the unit. Last year though the defense had problems stopping the run. Look for UNT’s defensive backs to have their hands full trying to stop the passing attack and must have assistance from the d-line to put pressure on Keenum to slow the point producing Cougars down. This may be an unshakeable wall, but with effort and constant pressure; it will help keep the score respectable. The Mean Green will only be able to show up on ESPN’s UPSET ALERT ticker if UNT can unleash Dunbar on the Cougar defense. UNT will have to stop Keenum’s passing game and the special teams will have to provide containment or coach McCarney and the Mean Green will be looking for their first win at Apogee on a later date.

Wildcats struggled in the first half before finishing up with four straight second half touchdowns. Wildcat quarterback Nick Foles had a nice game passing for 412 yards and five touchdowns. Juron Criner who had a standout performance with six receptions for 151 yards and a touchdown. It appears that the Wildcats have two running backs to carry the load this season and together turned in a 100-yard performance. Freshman Ka’Deem Carey contributed 59 yards on nine attempts while upper classman Keola Antolin had six carries for 41 yards. The offensive line has five new starters and they’ll have their hands full with the Cowboys. The kicking game is another area of concern. Junior Jaime Salazar from Garland, Texas missed his only field goal attempt from 36 yards out and an extra point attempt. Their secondary will be challenged on Thursday night. If the Cowboys get up early the Wildcats will be in a difficult position playing catch up. Oklahoma State has a high-powered offense and enough defense to keep the Wildcats guessing. Look for a double-digit victory in Stillwater for the Cowboys with the results being similar to last year’s bowl match up.

Houston vs. UNT SAT. SEPT. 10: 6pm / ESPN 3 APOGEE STADIUM

Arizona vs. #9Oklahoma St. Thur. Sept. 8: 7pm / ESPN Boone Pickens Stadium

By Sonny Capps hhhup88@gmail.com

Arizona vs. #9 Oklahoma State

Opening of Apogee

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September 7 – september 13, 2011

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 1

SPORTS NEWS

COWBOYS When a coach takes over a team in the middle of the season he tries to change the atmosphere and put his imprint on the team. In reality he can’t really do that until the next season. Then he has laid the groundwork and now when the preseason starts it is all his to develop the culture and imprint his wishes to be in place. This offseason has been an historical event in the history of the NFL. The lockout meant that there was no offseason and everything came fast and furious when they finally came to an agreement. One of the most impressive aspects to this preseason has been the organization and structure of the Dallas Cowboys. The team has been practicing at a fast pace and has been very efficient with their time. I am fully convinced that the Cowboys will be prepared physically and mentally to be as good as they can be. How good can they be? After roster cuts and the first look at the final 53 here are some thoughts:

better overall and Lee has to come on and spell Brooking. Defensive Line - A solid group without an outstanding performer. Kickers - Although McBriar is outstanding, the position is still unsettled. Buehler needs to get healthy and consistent and Bailey will get early season opportunity. At this point it is not a good situation.

Quarterbacks - No surprises. Romo is healthy and looks sharp. Kitna is ready and McGee has continued to make strides. Tight Ends - Kept four. Necessitated by injury to Bennett. Rucker will be expendable when Bennett is healthy. Phillips is one of most versatile on team as he will function as a full back also. Full Backs - Kept none. No surprise as none showed any unique contribution to the team. Running Backs - The surprise is Phillip Tanner who has made team based on excellent preseason. Jones looks very good and Choice/ Murray have a ways to go to be healthy and in the mix. Wide Receivers - No surprises and a very weak position. Austin and Bryant are very good at what they do. Ogletree, Holley and Harris are inexperienced and have a long way to go. Offensive Line - An amazing transformation from an aging group to one of the youngest in the league. There can’t be complaints about a perceived problem that has been addressed. Back up tackle an issue as Young is not mobile enough and Parnell is not experienced enough. The release of Gurode does not upset coaches, as they believe Costa will play more consistently and with more aggressiveness. Defensive Backs - A group that must play better than last year. Newman and Jenkins didn’t play in preseason. That’s a problem. Safeties are OK with addition of Elam but not special, a troublesome area of concern. Linebackers - Only kept seven. This will probably change as they need more LB help on special teams. They’re a good group lead by the outstanding DeMarcus Ware. Spencer has to play

This is a team that is much younger than last year. The depth is very inexperienced and questionable however they have made serious attempts to rectify their issues from last season. Everything can’t be fixed at once but the effort has been made to overhaul the roster. There is talent on offense that can score points. Key people can’t get hurt because there is a severe drop-off in talent. The defense is a question mark. Don’t think the arrival of new defensive coordinator Rob Ryan changes the results. He is knowledgeable, enthusiastic and will put them in place to succeed. Now it is up to the players to recover from the worst defensive performance in the history of the Cowboys. What can this team accomplish? They play in the NFC West, the worst division in football. They must win three of those four. Win four of six NFC East games and split the other six. That gives them a chance for the playoffs. Anything less makes them an average team of 8-8 or worse. All these predictions are fun but now they will play the games and we’ll see how the Garrett era truly begins. Join Coach Joe at Hat Tricks in Lewisville for all the great sports and fabulous music. You can also hear Coach Joe on 105.3 The Fan for Dallas Cowboys pre and post game shows.

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By Tommy Smith tsmith@blitzweekly.com What were the best and worst moments for you as a Cowboy? My best was certainly the ’92 season and the first Super Bowl that I was able to be a part of. It was a pretty magical year for us. We thought we were pretty good but didn’t really know how good. So I’d say that was my best. My worst moment actually winds up turning out to be one of my best as well. In ’94 we lost the NFC Championship Game to the San Francisco 49ers there in Candlestick [Park]. We got down early but I don’t know if I’ve ever been more proud of a team for continuing to battle and come back and compete and almost pull it out. So as heartbreaking as that was I think if we would have won that game, we would have ultimately won four world championships in a row. When I left the field as disappointed as I was, I was able to in a short period of time to reflect back that it probably was my proudest moment as a pro. If you could pick one quarterback that’s playing in the National Football League today to begin a franchise around who might that be? Aaron Rodgers or Philip Rivers. I think those two guys are extraordinary. I think Philip Rivers…he’s the best of the bunch that came out of that draft yet he’s the one who hasn’t yet won a Super Bowl. Aaron Rodgers, I’ve gotten the chance to [get to] know him. We all saw what he did last year but I think even going before that for what he endured with Brett Favre and keeping his mouth shut. When Brett was leaving the organization and a lot of fans were upset with the organization for not keeping him. They were booing Aaron early in that season. I just think he’s got the whole package. He’s got great charisma. Obviously he’s got great athletic ability. He’s a perfect blend of seriousness and yet lightheartedness. Knows when to pick it up during the game, know when to kind of have some fun. I think he’s got a great blend. I like him. I think Philip Rivers has the same qualities. He’s just not quite as gifted with his ability to move as Aaron. If you had not become a real football player or gotten into broadcasting what would you be doing today? I used to say that I would have been a heart

surgeon but then people didn’t believe me. So I don’t say that one anymore. It’s easy to say those things that you’d be doing that you’re currently not doing. I don’t know what I’d do. It’s never been one of those things that I’ve given a lot of consideration to. I believe that you do the job you have and you do it to the best of your ability and you’re happy doing that job and that doors get open and good things happen. That’s kind of how I live my life. I always knew I wanted to be a professional athlete, but I never really gave it a lot of thought as to what I would be doing after playing football. As it turned out then the broadcasting came along and I won’t be doing this forever. Something else will happen. I don’t know what that might be. I also really enjoyed architecture. I took it when I was in high school and enjoyed it a lot. That might have been something that I would’ve gotten into.

Right now there’s a consensus that with the recent lockout most NFL teams have gone through changes with players, coaches and systems. How do think the Cowboys were affected? I think the Cowboys are one of those teams that were negatively impacted by the lockout and I think that primarily for Jason (Garrett) who took over in the middle of the season last year had to do it on the fly. He’s had to do it again this offseason. He wasn’t able to go through a normal offseason and implement the things that he would have liked to.

By Joe Avezzano www.hattricksdallas.com

Upcoming Schedule: 9/11 @NY Jets 7:20 p.m. 9/18 @San Francisco 3:05 p.m. 9/26 Washington 7:30 p.m. 10/2 Detroit Noon 10/9 BYE WEEK

NOW THE GARRETT ERA BEGINS

September 7 – september 13, 2011

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 1

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Cover Story

By Jay Betsill Twitter Me @THE FAMOUSJAY

QUARTERBACKS The Dallas Cowboys seem more and more like a team in transition with every passing day. One spot that already had its starter penciled in was quarterback. With Jon Kitna and Stephen McGee more like insurance policies than challengers, Tony Romo is back in his familiar role as the leader of the offensive unit. He returns after missing the last half of the 2010 season with a fractured clavicle. Romo, in his 9th year out of Eastern Illinois, will have several weapons at his disposal including receivers Mile Austin and a healthy Dez Bryant and his favorite target, Pro Bowl tight end Jason Witten. In the three seasons prior to his injury, Romo threw for 36, 26 and 26 touchdowns. Kitna proved a valuable asset as the backup QB last season as he threw for 2,365 yards including 16 touchdowns in 10 games. Stephen McGee is entering his third NFL campaign after being drafted by the Cowboys out of Texas A&M. He has shown flashes of being a capable option off the bench, including an impressive two-minute drill that lead to a victory over the Tim Tebow-led Denver Broncos in the pre-season. RUNNING BACKS Marion “The Barbarian” Barber has been the starting running back since signing a seven-year, $45 million deal that included $16 million in guarantees back in 2008. He was coming off his best season even though he didn’t start a game, where he rushed for 975 yards on 204 carries for a 4.8 yard-per-carry average. In 2010, Barber had 374 yards with a 3.3 yard-per-carry average. Those numbers gained him his release as the Cowboys had to get under the NFL salary cap (2010 was an uncapped season). Felix Jones is set to be the starter with Tashard Choice and rookie DeMarco Murray getting time in the rotation. Choice had appeared to be the odd man out, but

several strong runs against the Vikings seem to have him back in the coaches’ good graces. After missing most of camp with a hamstring injury, Murray was the team’s leading rusher in the game in Minnesota. As a unit, the Cowboys rushed for 117 yards on 29 carries. Fullback Chris Gronkowski became the sixth starter from last year’s offense to be cut when the team released its final 53-man roster. His legacy will consist of his failure on the blitz pickup that resulted in breaking Tony Romo’s collarbone against the Giants last season. RECEIVERS & TIGHT ENDS It was not that long ago that the wide receivers were considered the deepest position on the Cowboys. Wide receiver Roy Williams was acquired from the Detroit Lions on October 14, 2008 for first, third and sixth round picks. He agreed to a 6-year, $54 million contract extension -- along with $26 million guaranteed -- that ran through the end of the 2014 season. Needless to say, the biggest question remaining (after Williams was released by the Cowboys on July 28) is whether this or the Joey Galloway trade (February 12, 2000, Dallas traded their first round selections in the 2000 and 2001 drafts) was more detrimental to the Cowboys. Miles Austin and Dez Bryant will be solid at the starting receiver positions if they can remain healthy. Since bursting

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on the scene back in 2009, Austin has been a bright spot on the offensive side of the ball. Bryant was off to a big start in his rookie campaign before he went down with a fractured ankle in the Cowboys’ 3835 victory over the Colts. I am looking for a big year out of third receiver Kevin Ogletree as he will be given the chance to unlock his vast potential. Jesse Holley and Dwayne Harris round out the receivers due to their special teams play. If Raymond Radway had not injured his leg with three seconds to play in the preseason finale at Miami, Harris wouldn’t have made the team. The Cowboys chose to keep four tight ends with Jason Witten being joined by Martellus Bennett, John Phillips and Martin Rucker. Rucker making the team may have more to do with Bennett’s ankle injury and the fact that all three of the team’s fullbacks were cut. OFFENSIVE LINE The offensive line was a sore spot in an utterly disappointing season. In response to the underachieving unit, the Cowboys released longtime starters Marc Colombo, Andre Gurode and Leonard Davis. The young trio of Tyron Smith, Phil Costa and Bill Nagy will replace them. Smith, the team’s top pick (9th overall) out of USC is the first offensive lineman drafted in the first round under the Jerry Jones regime. He is the first offensive lineman to be picked by the Cowboys in the first round since Tom Landry and Tex Schramm selected Howard Richards with the 26th pick in 1981. The lone highlight of last season’s

offensive line was the play of tack Doug Free replacing the departed Floze Adams. Free resigned for a four-year, $3 million contract, with $17 million guaranteed The Cowboys also brought back guard Kyle Kos er to add a veteran presence to the young group.

DEFENSIVE LINE When the Cowboys open the season against the Ne York Jets, the defensive line will have a different ove all appearance, but will continue to revolve aroun nose tackle Jay Ratliff. Ratliff, heading into his seven season out of Auburn, had 31 tackles and 3.5 sack in the 2010 season. “Jay Ratliff will tell you, ‘You’v got a big issue, Jerry, with my salary. I need a little more money,’” Cowboys owner, president and general manager Jerry Jones said at the team’s recent kickoff luncheon held at Cowboys Stadium. Ratliff has made three consecutive Pro Bowls since signing a five-year, $20.5 million deal. Perhaps the team is hinting at a contract extension for Ratliff as he has outperformed his current contract. Ratliff will be alongside free agent signee Kenyon Coleman and Marcus Spears as Igor Olshansky, a seven-year ve eran who started 28 of Dallas’ last 30 games was c as the team trimmed its roster to the league-mandate 53. Olshansky’s $3.3 million base salary was to steep for a backup as Coleman beat him out. Expe to see plenty of action from Josh Brent, Jason Hatche Sean Lissemore and Clifton Geathers.

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 1

Photos Courtesy: Matt Pearce

LINEBACKERS The outside linebackers will be DeMarcus Ware, Anthony Spencer, Victor Butler and Alex Albright. Ware is the obvious centerpiece to the entire defensve unit, while Spencer will need to rekindle some of his 2009 magic to relieve the double team on his counterpart. Albright made the team by virtue of shining on special teams. Texas Tech and Fort Worth South Hills linebacker Brandon Williams (2009 fourth round pick) was among the returning linebackers that were cut. The inside linebackers will consist of Bradie James, Keith Brooking and Sean Lee. Given the injury issues at the inside spot, it was surprising that Rob Ryan opted to go with only the three. Look for roster casualties Orie Lemmon and Kenwin Cummings to stay on speed dial should an injury pop up. SECONDARY The Cowboys made no secret of their desire to add star free agent cornerback Nnamdi Asomugha to its struggling defensive backfield. While the courtship seemed like a perfect match ala Deion Sanders back in 1995, Asomugha opted to join the rival Philadel-

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Cover Story

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September 7 – september 13, 2011

phia Eagles with a deal that will pay him $60 million over the life of it, with $25 million guaranteed. That being said, the Cowboys cornerbacking corps will consist of Mike Jenkins, Terence Newman, Orlando Scandrick, Alan Ball and Bryan McCann. The depth is lacking and Newman and Jenkins have both had durability issues during the preseason. By adding Abram Elam and re-signing Gerald Sensabaugh, Dallas has a physical presence at the safety position. Elam is familiar with new defensive coordinator Rob Ryan from their days together with the Cleveland Browns. Backups Barry Church and Danny McCray both had good training camps and have nice upside. SPECIAL TEAMS Perhaps the biggest surprise of the final roster was the release of veteran kickers Shayne Graham and Dave Rayner and handing the kicking duties to rookie Dan Bailey and third-year kickoff specialist David Buehler. Graham, third all-time in NFL field-goal percentage, wasn’t good on kickoffs. Rayner cost himself a chance to win the job with misses of 51 and 36 yards in the preseason finale. The team lacks confidence in Buehler and Bailey as evidenced by the addition of a new kicker on what seemed like an every-other-day basis in the preseason. We shall see how long this experiment lasts as Buehler struggled mightily a season ago. Mat McBriar returns as the team’s punter. He averaged 47.9 yards per punt, including 22 punts that were downed inside the 20-yard line. He doubles as the holder on field goals and extra points. L.P. Ladouceur returns as the team’s long snapper. Look for Bryan McCann or Dwayne Harris to return punts while rookie running back DeMarco Murray should handle the kick returning duties. Follow blitz weekly on twitter and facebook

September 7 – september 12 Blitz babe of the week

13, 2011

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 1

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VOL. 4 – ISSUE 1

September 7 – september 13, 2011

Restaurant review

Taco Diner

All this and honey jalapeno salsa, too… Sometimes you just want to hunker down with something you know will taste great, not take forever to get to the table - and that’s served by very accommodating people in a pleasant environment. When I’m in that kind of mood, I tend to revisit my favorite restaurants. Although I’ve never written about it before (we tend to favor independent rather than “chain” restaurants), Taco Diner is one of those. Granted, it’s only a small chain. Taco Diner’s five locations are owned by M Crowd, which also owns the more geographically pervasive Mi Cocina, Mainstream Fish House, The Mercury and Mercury Chophouse. Taco Diner, the most inexpensive of M Crowd’s family of restaurants, is much more like a one-off concept than its multistore status might indicate. Taco Diner’s managers, at least at the Southlake location, are very much a part of the hospitable food and service imprint. They are involved at every level, running the front and the back of the house in perfect synchronization. They welcome guests, make terrific menu recommendations and go the extra mile to make sure customers are not only happy, but downright ecstatic. The first time I visited Taco Diner in Southlake, I checked out the menu and very nearly left – not because the food items listed weren’t appealing but because sometimes I do that. Maybe I’m just in the mood for something that’s not on the menu, and will remind myself to return if the fare seems interesting enough. Actually, the menu really wasn’t all that compelling. But out came a manager, and she talked

me into staying. She also instructed the server to bring some of the house’s special roasted jalapeno and honey salsa with my chips. As in great big WOW factor! I can’t imagine a more wonderful meal than a platter of Taco Diner’s pineapple-infused achiote citrus marinated pork loin tacos, which are served with excellent rice and beans and enough lettuce to pass for a small salad. I order mine “Americano” style, which means they are made with cheese. My favorite way to have them is with flour rather than corn tortillas, crispy rather than doughy. Like its sister Mi Cocina, Taco Diner serves a nice variety of Mojitos and other cocktails. But I like Taco Diner better. Not only is it more reasonably priced than Mi Cocina, the food is better, the service is better and the music on the house sound system is delightfully unobtrusive – unlike the noise level at Mi Cocina, which I find to be very distracting. The last time I dined at the Mi Cocina in Southlake, a group of about 20 people having a business meeting of some sort were seated at one long table right next to mine in the main dining area – and shouted down, across and around the table at each other the entire time we were there. But I digress. Taco Diner’s food is really wonderful. While I was told that there was once a comal on the premises at this location; there isn’t one now. But the tortillas they are serving here are obtained

By Judy Chamberlain jchamberlain@blitzweekly.com

from a good purveyor, have a distinctly homemade quality and may well be homemade, just not on Taco Diner’s premises. The salsas are absolutely amazing, especially the above-mentioned jalapeno and honey that customers often ask to have packaged for take-home. There’s flan for dessert, and gigantic New Orleans-style pralines. I can’t praise the staff highly enough. They are dedicated professionals of whom M Crowd should be very proud.

Taco Diner

Multiple Locations Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex www.mcrowd.com

Dallas Polo Club

L E A R N T O P L AY P O L O NO RIDING EXPERIENCE NECESSARY

find more Restaurant Reviews on our website at: www.Blitzweekly.com

WWW.DALLASPOLOCLUB.ORG

C ALL 214-979-0300 ext.1

Local Entertainment

WED. 9/7

Guerilla Union & House of Blues Presents Black Star House of Blues Dallas, Texas Legendary Hip-Hop duo Mos Def & Talib Kweli hit the stage at the H.O.B Dallas playing hits like “Definition”, “Respiration”, and “Thieves of the Night.” Show starts at 8pm.

thurs. 9/8

Fashion’s Night Out Galleria Dallas, Texas New York, Milan, and London come to Dallas with FNO. See all the latest trends that will appear in Vogue’s Pages and Macy’s windows. They’ll be instore promotions, and entertainment. 5-9pm.

fri. 9/9

Athletics vs. Rangers Rangers Ballpark Arlington, Texas The A’s take on the Rangers on Verizon Wireless Fireworks Friday. The first 20,000 fans 14 & over get Rangers Oven Mitts… oh yeah. First pitch is at 7:05pm.

sat. 9/10

Dog Days of Summer Mercury Dallas, Texas The Greyhound Adoption League hosts a delectable charity event with The Mercury’s executive chef Chris Ward. The night will be made full with cooking demonstrations and tastings. 2-5pm.

sun. 9/11

Dallas Cowboys vs. New York Jets Watch Party Granada Theater Dallas, Texas The Granada continues its watch party duties as it transitions from the Mavs Championship to the Cowboys season kick-off. No cover, just party. 7pm

mon. 9/12

Bon Iver AT&T Performing Arts Center Dallas, Texas Indie rock/folk band Bon Iver is coming to town and bringing with them the songs and sounds off their acclaimed albums For Emma, Forever Ago and Bon Iver. 8pm

tues. 9/13

Some Assembly Required Pocket Sandwich Theatre Dallas, Texas Sketch comedy troupe 4 out of 5 Doctors are bringing you a night of strictly improv. Bring an extra pair of underwear because last time we saw these guys we wet ours!

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September 7 – september 14 Local Entertainment

13, 2011

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 1

HollywoodProfile with Laurence Fishburne

world, some that happen to be my favorite parts of the world [as well]. So the size of it was really the thing. It’s global. It’s this global thing and there’s something about that that appeals to me. Tell me about your character? Ellis Cheever, [is] Deputy Director for the Center for Disease Control. [This is] probably his first real big assignment, in terms of dealing with an

protocol by which to create a vaccine and make sure this thing does as little damage as possible; so, he’s really sort of the still calm voice throughout

tional team of doctors contracted by the CDC to deal with the outbreak. Laurence Fishburne heads up this phenomenal cast which includes Matt Damon, Gwyenth Paltrow, Jude Law and Kate Winslet. I sat down with the always cool, Laurence to talk about the film.

infectious disease like this one. You know, he’s a smart guy, competent guy. He’s really the voice of reason in all of this.

the picture. He’s the person you want to look to for reassurance that it’s going to be okay.

So what is his main function in the story? He’s the guy you look to who’s going to tell you everything is going to be fine. We are in control of the situation. We have the best people working on the situation. We are going to figure out what it is. We’re going to contain it. We’re going to find a

But he does face a huge dilemma as the crisis worsens. He as the head of the CDC has the responsibility and an obligation to keep this information from going out, but as a human being, as a husband, as a man he has an obligation to protect his family, and so he’s conflicted, and he makes a choice.

What drew you to this project? I love the size of it. I love the sort of the international scope of it. It takes place in so many different parts of the

By C.Patterson cpatterson@blitzweekly.com

You can find out what that choice is when Contagion opens in theatres nationwide on September 9th. The film is rated PG-13 for disturbing content and some language.

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Don’t you just love a good sci-fi, killer virus flick? Nothing, and I mean nothing from sharks to dead dudes in hockey masks, freaks me out like a good viral epidemic! The world goes mad at the hint of an outbreak of any kind. Remember swine flu, bird flu, and SARS? Total hysteria. Well combine that with an all-star cast and you’ve got the new Steven Soderbergh thriller Contagion. The film is centered on the threat posed by a deadly disease and an interna-

Shark Night 3-D

College Girls, Bikini’s, and a Lake…What could possibly go wrong? Every now and then one should completely step out of the realm of reality. Shark Night 3-D is one of those times. Leave those pesky thoughts of rationalization and common deductive reasoning at the concession stand. Forget for 91 Discovery Channel inspired minutes that you live in a world where “this would never happen.” Relocate yourself to a secluded lake house in Louisiana where some college kids just want to have a little old-fashion bikini wearing fun. Did I mention there would be alcohol and wakeboarding? It’s the summer, a time to enjoy oneself, frolic with friends, and escape the pressures of any nagging professors. The only thing that could ruin a moment in time as pure as this is for your dream lake to somehow be saltwater and for it to be infested with man and beautiful college woman eating sharks. Well… Minus the expected corny dialogue and weird romantic moments between central characters Sara (Sara Paxton) and Nick, a seemingly bungling med student who becomes a swamp superhero. Shark Night 3-D does have some pretty visually menacing sharks and a plethora of blood and guts. The cliché first there were many (in this case seven) and then there were few platform is omnipresent as our adolescent chomping lake creatures dwindle the large group down to two. It will also seriously make Louisiana bayou tours take a deep plunge. Directed by Snakes on a Plane’s David R. Ellis SN 3-D continues his tradition of cinematic hilarity. Despite the obvious comparisons to Piranha 3-D, SN 3-D has some very distinct differences. Well for one this one has sharks. This one has toothless Deliverance-esque locals and most importantly this one is in theaters right now, so go see it.

By Vivian Fullerlove vfullerlove@blitzweekly.com

15 Local Entertainment

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 1

September 7 – september 13, 2011

Star Wars On Blu-ray Disc: Nothing To Celebrate

A few years ago I struck vinyl gold in Dallas, TX. A friend of mine from Good Records (Chris Penn aka DJ Cee Pee) put together two boxes of handpicked metal records for me. He had just picked up several hundred used records from a Dallas college radio station as they were throwing them out and going digital. Although many of the classic albums included had some pretty good wear going on with the sleeves, the actual vinyl was in excellent condition. It was a vast selection of 70s and 80s metal, a gift from the vinyl gods above. Back in the 70s, college radio stations would put notes on the front of each record with comments from other DJs at the station alongside a description of the band. Reading these notes today can be quite entertaining as you are about to see. Here are two gems from KISS along with the original notes and comments from the DJs themselves. KISS - The eponymous debut. When it was released on February 18, 1974, Kiss had been a band for a little over a year. Gene Simmons and/ or Paul Stanley wrote much of the material on the album, as members of their pre-Kiss band, Wicked Lester. Simmons estimated that the entire process of recording and mixing took three weeks. Photographer Joel Brodsky thought KISS were literally clowns, and wanted to place balloons behind the group for the shoot. Here are the actual notes from the station DJs. Date first aired: 2/18/1974 (the album’s release date). Special Instructions: “Play This”. Comments: “Almost as good as the N.Y. Dolls (only as good as early R. Stones).” Dressed to Kill is the third studio album from American hard rock band Kiss. It is unique for having been produced by Casablanca Records president Neil Bogart, as the financial situation of the label at the time did not allow the hiring of a professional producer. While the album cover depicts Kiss in business suits, the only member of the band who actually owned one was Peter Criss. Manager Bill Aucoin owned the suits worn on the cover by the rest of the band. Again, here are the actual notes from the station DJs. Date First Aired: 3/30/75. (in the 70s, bands tended to make a record every year as opposed to waiting 2-5 years as is the norm today. KISS actually released Hotter Than Hell a few months prior giving them three albums in under 2 years.) Are you a KISS fan? What would you have written on these LPs as a college DJ? KISS or clowns?

haven’t been seen since being released on VHS before I put the box set on the shelf never to open it again. The only time I will watch the six films will be when Spike TV shows them every few months except I’ll just have them on in the background just to have something to listen to while I am doing something else. Until the founder of “The Force” changes his mind, which at this point I predict will be never, I will settle for those less than technologically stellar 2006 DVD theatrical versions of the original trilogy Lucas released that were reportedly the laserdisc transfers if I really want to watch them again. The picture quality isn’t great as some scenes I noticed were darker than others but these are the versions I’d much rather see than the Blu-ray set everyone’s going to be buying starting September 16. I’ll watch a group of dancing teddy bears sing “yuck-yuck” at the end of Return of the Jedi any day over seeing Greedo shoot Han Solo first in the cantina or crimelord Jabba the Hutt be told he is a “wonderful human being” when he, or it, is not a human being but a big fat lumbering slobbering alien space slug.

By Jason Miller Twitter me @JasonMillerCA

moved Darth Vader’s mask near the end of Return of the Jedi so his father can look at his son with his own eyes before dying. My parents did not take me to see Star Wars until August 1977 a few days before I was to begin second grade. We arrived about 10-15 minutes late so it wasn’t until we stayed for the next showing to see what we missed that I was able to figure what the story was about. Up until that time, I was more in awe of all the visual effects and Han Solo’s sarcastic self-assuredness. When I saw The Empire Strikes Back in summer 1980, I was disappointed that the film ended on a cliffhanger. I got a little emotional seeing Han Solo (Harrison Ford) being put into carbon freeze and taken away by bounty hunter Boba Fett. I’d have to wait until summer 1983 for him to be rescued and for the Empire to be defeated. While I admit Return of the Jedi could have gone out with a bigger bang, I still look back on that film today with a sense of nostalgia. I was going into second grade when I saw Star Wars and for the next three to four years my interest would be in Star Wars toys. I was going into eighth grade when I saw Re-

Everyone my age who remembers seeing episodes IV-VI has a story of when they saw Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi for the first time. I am sure most recall the long lines outside movie theaters as back then, blockbuster movies were not released on 2000 screens nationwide. Instead, they were released on only...500 screens, if that many, and they weren’t released three months later on Blu-ray and DVD like they are now. I still remember the packed theaters and cheers from the audience as the Death Star was blown up at the end of Star Wars and the laughs from the kids who embraced those little teddy bears called Ewoks. My sister couldn’t look at the screen when Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill) re-

turn of the Jedi. The following year I would be a freshman in high school. With the original trilogy ending in 1983, I saw it as the closing chapter of my grade school years especially since by the time I was in eighth grade my interest in Star Wars toys was already fading. George Lucas has made millions constantly remerchandising an old product to death for the past 30 plus years. Restoring the originals on Bluray would no doubt cost his “Empire” millions but surely he realizes he’d get all that money back if he’d release those along with the special editions. I won’t lie and say I won’t “double-dip” and not buy the nine disc Blu-ray set on September 16 like I have done with several old personal favorites released on the format and tossing the DVDs. I’ll watch all those never before seen deleted scenes. I’ll also enjoy seeing those “Making of” documentaries of the original trilogy again which

By Joe Stumpo www.darthstumpo.com

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September 7 – september 13, 2011

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 1

Man world

The SPECS VEHICLE TYPE: front-engine, rear- or 4-wheel-drive, 7-passenger, 5-door wagon

2011 Dodge Durango:

ENGINE TYPE: DOHC 24-valve V-6, aluminum block and heads, port fuel injection

Dodge Leaps Back Into The SUV Game

Displacement: 220 cu in, 3605 cc

To say the 2011 Dodge Durango is the best yet is an understatement. Previous versions were a bit overweight and somewhat unrefined, so improving the SUV would not take much. For this makeover Dodge engineers went above and beyond. Choosing to begin with a clean slate, they tapped architecture already in the pipeline from the days of corporate partnership with Daimler. The new Durango, as with the latest Grand Cherokee from Jeep, rides on the platform designed for the next Mercedes-Benz M-Class crossovers and boy do they benefit from it. While retaining rear-wheel drive design the new platform sheds a bulky ladder frame opting for a rigid monocoque body structure for strength and stability. While featuring best-in-class towing (up to 7,400 lbs.) serious rock climbing in Moab may be out of the question, but just how many Durango customers were doing that in the first place? As we have seen with other manufacturers this year (can you say Ford Explorer), the days of the ruggedly underpinned midsize SUV

Power (SAE net): 290bhp @ 6400 rpm Torque (SAE net): 260lb-ft @ 4800 rpm TRANSMISSION: 5-speed automatic with manumatic shifting manners are quite impressive especially if you’ve driven a previous generation Durango. While ours was a 2WD rig Dodge does offer the Durango in 4WD form. Dodge offers the Durango in four models: Express, Crew, R/T, and Citadel. Despite being a “base” model, our Express tester was quite impressive. Pricing begins at $29,195 with ours arriving to the tune of just a tick over 30 grand. The new Durango from Dodge is impressive and saying it is the best one yet barely scratches at the surface.

What To Expect: Zero to 60 mph: 8.4 sec Zero to 100 mph: 23.8 sec Top speed (governor limited): 113 mph Braking, 70–0 mph: 176ft

are over. This new design discipline (along with the upcoming strict fuel economy rules) has forced some to abandon larger power plants. For Dodge (and Jeep) though, you can still get a HEMI. Our recent test vehicle came with the new corporate V-6 Pentastar engine that is quickly winning accolades in every application. In the Durango, the 3.6-liter DOHC unit produces 290 horsepower and 260 lb. ft. of torque with fuel economy rated at 16mpg city and 23-mpg highway. It is backed by a five-speed automatic transmission. As with Ford and GM, Dodge’s new breed of sixcylinder engines are finally capable of competing with the imports. Gone are the days of noise, vibration and harshness in the powertrain and (hopefully) here to stay is a slick, powerful, more fuel-friendly engine that does not conjure buyer remorse every time you stomp the gas pedal. The new Durango is quiet, smooth, roomy, very stylish and includes an interior owners will no longer be ashamed of. You will want to invite your friends over with this one. Slip behind the wheel and gratification is almost immediate. Onroad

By David Goodspeed dgoodspeed@blitzweekly.com

FUEL ECONOMY: EPA city/highway driving: 16/23 mpg C/D observed: 16 mpg *Stability-control-inhibited

The Difference Between a Man and a Boy is the Price of his Toys! these are for sure to make your want list! Maybach Exelero In the relatively short history of ultra-luxury supercars, the Maybach Exelero ($8 million) is quite an interesting footnote. Based on the Maybach 57, this one-off coupe was created by the tire maker Fulda to show off its latest and greatest rubber, and features a turbocharged V12 good for 700 horses and a top speed of 218. It was supposed to be purchased by the rapper Birdman, but apparently Birdman is a little birdbrained with his cash, so if you want it, it’s likely yours for the taking. Price: $8,000,000

Nike Vapor Jet Rivalry Gloves Let your flag football buddies know where you’re coming from when you reach the end zone with a pair of Nike Vapor Jet Rivalry Gloves ($75). Making their debut during last season’s rivalry week, they sport large, colorful team graphics across the palms, which are also covered in Magnigrip CL to help you keep a hold of the rock.

Price: $75

Call of Duty: Black Ops Rezurrection

8 out of 10 Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com

Console: 360 , PS3, PC Rating: Mature Developers: Activison & Treyarch

By C.Patterson cpatterson@blitzweekly.com

What could possibly be better than shooting, blowing up, or mercilessly serrating zombies? Obviously shooting, blowing up, and mercilessly serrating zombies in space! And that’s exactly what C.O.D Black Ops aims to do with the new content pack Rezurrection. The insanely popular first person shooter game takes things a bit further with futuristic weapons, fleeting gravity, and an army of undead astronauts. Touting four completely re-mastered maps; Nacht der Untoten, Verruckt, Shi No Numa and Der Riese and the brand spanking new

Moon level, you are sure to get your fill of zombie blasting. The levels are all complex enough to remain challenging to Ops veterans while remaining fun enough for novice firsttimers to enjoy, at least at first. The degree of difficulty quickly escalates and you’ll surely be eaten alive if you don’t get with the program in a hurry. One of the first things you’ll have to remember is to put on your PES (pressurized external suit) or just like in real outer space things will be over before they even start. Also, make sure to get your trigger finger in shape because it’s sure to get a workout with legion upon legion of the life deprived descending on you relentlessly. All-in-all, Rezurrection is packed with awesome weapons, secret areas, and zero gravity bloodthirsty space zombies. What more could you ask for?

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 1

September 7 – september 13, 2011

Blitz Funnys

Q: What do a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? A: They’re both empty from the neck up.

A Major Problem… One day Mr. Smith, the president of a corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, “We’re making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off.” Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said, “Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I don’t know whom to fire.” The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive. Barbara was the first to come in, so Dave said, “Barbara, I’ve got a problem. You see, I’ve got to lay you or Jack off and I don’t know what to do?” Barbara replied, “You’d better jack off. I’ve got a headache.”

Scorpio October 23 – November 21 You will enjoy success this hunting season, tracking and killing three beautiful deer. Unfortunately, what you call "deer" are known to most people as "escorts".

ROTTING IN JAIL Louisiana prison authorities reported mid-August 2011, at least 120 inmates were suffering from scabies, a contagious skin infection caused by human itch mites. (Scabies develops after delaying treatment of initial infections,

Sagittarius November 22 – December 21 Everything you do next Monday will inspire uncontrollable rage to a resident of Frisco.

Pisces February 19 – March 20 Your interpretation of “Come On Eileen” will place you in an awkward situation with the Dallas Police Department.

Capricorn December 22 – January 19 Plan on spending the weekend listening to folk music and hearing the phrase, “you sure do got a purdy mouth.”

Aries March 21 – April 19 Though nothing of interest will happen to you this weekend, that won’t stop you from sharing your experience with every co-worker on Monday.

Aquarius January 20 – February 18 Drafting Cam Newton with your first round pick in fantasy football probably wasn’t your best move.

Taurus April 20 – May 20 You will decide to give your new girlfriend the nickname “Hoover” because she’s not actually a woman, but a vacuum.

ACROSS: 1. Vesicle 5. Notions 10. Tallies 14. Look of lust 15. Daughter of a sibling 16. Red vegetable 17. Countertenor 18. Scrumptious 20. Enthusiastic approval 22. An act passed by a legislative body 23. Droop 24. Flower feature 25. Spitefulness 32. Loansharking 33. Climbing vines 34. A male cat 37. Transgressions 38. Sudden burst 39. Cypher 40. Childhood game 41. A manual 42. Mischievous 43. Subway system 45. Condition 49. 52 in Roman numerals 50. Spray can

allowing mite-filled lesions to become covered with scabs.) BURP! According to Credit Suisse’s World Map of Beer for 2010, people of the Czech Republic drank per capita 161 liters (42.5 US gallons) that year, making them top consumers among all countries on the planet. Jiri Vesely, the Czech Beer and Malt Association executive director, goes so far as to claim beer is the most healthy beverage people ever invented, adding, “But you have to drink it every evening or every day. It’s no use to leave everything for Friday night.”

Gemini May 21 – June 21 You’re only a few pounds away from reaching your weight goal and being able to eat at the Heart Attack Grill for free! Cancer June 22 – July 22 Your decision to visit that new bar that just opened helps you realize the full meaning of “chicks with sticks.” Leo July 23 – August 22 Hell’s Kitchen becomes more than a reality show for you when Satan keeps returning his gazpacho wanting you to get it right.

53. Propose a toast to (archaic) 57. Unchallenged 59. Anagram of “Edit” 60. Not warm 61. Fairy tale character 62. Biblical garden 63. Mistakes 64. Poorly kept 65. Absorb written material DOWN: 1. Applaud 2. Scream 3. Stiff hair 4. Pants 5. Having a color between blue and violet 6. Japanese parliament 7. Snake-like fish 8. Cards with just one symbol 9. Religious offshoot 10. Diminish 11. Introduction 12. Triangular formation 13. A strong metal alloy

19. Cassettes 21. A safety lamp 25. Be compelled 26. Largest continent 27. Breathing organ 28. Fat 29. Avoid 30. Gunpowder ingredient 31. C 34. Bean curd 35. Chief Norse god 36. Repair 38. Our star 39. Religious residence 41. Conjecture 42. Goddess of discord 44. In a willing manner 45. Condiment 46. Male singing range 47. Eagerness 48. Works 51. Chooses 52. Entice 53. Join metal 54. Assistant 55. Bright thought 56. Give temporarily 58. Foot digit

Solution on Page 18

HEARTLESS HUNTERS The Wichita Falls Times reported August 2011 that the Texas Parks and Wildlife Commission, under House Bill 716, support the killing of wild hogs and coyotes by helicopter. (Meaning, lazy bubbas can/could/would begin slaughtering wildlife without even muddying their boots.)

Q: Why can’t women ski? A: Because there’s no snow between the kitchen and the bedroom.

Libra September 23 – October 22 Don't let the hustle and bustle of the upcoming NFL season keep you from finishing your last will and testament before 4:22 p.m. on the 10th.

by Andrew J. Hewett - www.chewednews.com

Q: What’s the difference between an accountant and a lawyer? A: Accountants know they’re boring.

Virgo August 23 – September 22 You will become the focus of TMZ this weekend when you unexpectedly receive a call from Charles Manson asking you to represent him.

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September 7 – september 13, 2011

The CLOSER

Lessons from a quasi-domesticated carnivore

Addison Special Ingredients: 1 shot Vodka 1 tblsp Grenadine Fill with Orange juice Mixing Instructions: Combine ingredients in the order listed into a shaker. Fill half full with ice and shake well then strain into glass with ice and garnish with a cherry and orange wedge.

I have a birthday cat, and as I sit here writing this article he is purring and destroying my coffee table. In fact he is doing it with such relish and committed passion I find myself considering why I have this animal in the first place. Well, the simple answer brings me back to the birthday adjective; he was a present. I didn’t ask for him, but now that I have him I find myself wondering why I still have him? Is it pathological? What other explanation is there when I find myself dry-heaving as I sift feces out of his magical-clumping extreme-odorcontrol litter whilst simultaneously enduring his vicious ankle attacks? Could it be that “cat” people suffer some mental disease? I read that you are 53% more likely to suffer from schizophrenia if you grew up with a cat, which could go a long way to explaining the whole crazy cat-lady cliché. Granted not everyone is a “cat” person. In fact I found an AP poll that concluded while 74% of people like dogs, only 41% of people like cats. A wholly believable statistic when you consider most cats’ behavior is rooted in their primordial hunting instincts and I find myself the repeated target of my cat’s repressed instincts. In fact a little online research shows that our initial relationship with cats originated with the

fact that they hunted vermin in grain repositories and buried their poop well away from our food supply. A symbiotic relationship we forgot about during the Middle Ages when the church persecuted them as satanic (understandable) and Europe was overrun with bubonic rats and well, you know where that got us. Companionship came much later, about the 18th century if my internet research is to be trusted, which just happens to coincide with the Age of Enlightenment. There is a lesson here somewhere. So, it’s the companionship angle that I am trying to focus on now in order to answer my question. Granted, there are moments of serenity and blissful purring, which according to Swiss anthrozoologists can improve my mood and decrease my blood pressure. However, I am not quite sure if that is directly correlated to the purring and petting or the relief that comes with the capricious ceasefire on all things fleshy and exposed. Yet, the more I consider it, my cat is intelligent, curious, fierce, and playful…all things I aspire to myself. So, what if he is a prolific pooper and I will never see the deposit on my apartment again? There is something cathartic in watching the destructive impulses that my cat

Color Me Red, White & Blue… By Dennis Hambright dennishambright@hotmail.com

Ashton Cigar Virgin Sun Grown Wrapper: Ecuadorian Sun Grown Binder: Dominican Filler: Dominican Strength: Full Robert Levin launched this label in 1986 and it remains one of the most sought after premium cigars in the entire world as it is exquisitely blended and diligently aged Dominican tobaccos. This cigar has a well-rounded pedigree since its debut in 1999. It is full-bodied and has a Kona coffee-like tasting smoke.

By Jesse Whitman jwhitman00@gmail.com

Brooklyn Oktoberfest Brewed by: Brooklyn Brewery ABV: 5.50% This is a nice change from a normal lager, but not too heavy when the weather is still warm. Brooklyn had a nice copper color, a sweet malty flavor, and would be good as either a relaxing beer in the evening or a session beer.

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 1

Often times I take advantage of this forum to bitch and moan about things that irritate the hell out of me…seemingly insignificant misdeeds and injustices that burrow under my skin and make me want to howl at the moon. Things that make me want to gather huge handfuls of long, limber, West Texas peach tree branches and pass them out to rational and reasonable citizens that can help me corral herds of social misfits into dark alleyways and thrash them until they come to their senses. But this week I’m on a more serious, cohesive mission. This week I want to bring us all together that are blessed and privileged to live under the glory of the Red, White & Blue, to share in a common cheer of pride: I’m Proud To Be An American!!! Sometimes in life things happen that burn an indelible imprint on our memories, so that no matter how many years go by, we’re still quick to be able to say, “I remember that like it was yesterday,” or, “I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing when that happened.” It’s those impactful moments in life that help define us as who we are…as individuals, as groups of people, and as a country. In this generation, I don’t think there’s a single, solitary soul that lives in this great nation of

ours that can’t say that what happened on September 11, 2001, wasn’t one of those defining moments in their life. Now that the tenth anniversary of that horrific event is upon us, we should all take pause and think how truly proud each and every one of us should be to be able to say, “I’m Proud To Be An American.” I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing on that fateful morning of 9-11. I was in a Lexus dealership in Cherry Hill, New Jersey, interviewing witnesses in a sexual harassment lawsuit that I was investigating. I remember the receptionist coming over the intercom and urging everyone to gather on the showroom floor,

revels in. Why else are all those YouTube videos so popular? The larger picture here is that we

have a lot in common and a lot to teach each other. Like living in the moment, taking lots of naps, and clawing the hell out of people just for the fun of it. Speaking of larger, I am quite glad that I have the drop on my cat in the size department because if I didn’t I am sure he would disembowel me and play mirthfully with my carcass just like the lizard outside yesterday.

there, we weren’t plaintiffs and defendants, or managers and salesmen, or secretaries and accountants, or vendors and customers. Right there at that moment, just like it’s always been in this great country of ours, when the chips looked down, we were all just Americans, and the conversation was, “What should we do to help,” and, “Who’s ass are we going to kick?” One of the great things about being an American is we’re really like a great big family. No matter how much we might vehemently disagree on things…no matter how much we might kick and spit and get at each other’s throats, when it comes right down to it, if you back us up against

“I’m Proud To Be An American.” where there was a big screen television tuned to the news. We watched the replay of the first plane that hit the towers, and talked about what a horrible accident it appeared to be. Then we watched in disbelief as the second plane struck, and realized that it was no accident, that out country was being attacked. We all stood there, just like groups of people were doing in homes and businesses and schools all over the country. We watched the towers crumble and burn, and agonized at the thought of innocent life being lost. Right then and

the wall, when it really counts, we’ve always got each other’s backs. We might not always win every battle, but in the end, we’re going to win the war. And sure, there might be times when cowardly, terroristic thugs might occasionally sneak in the back door and give us a black eye, but you can be damn sure of one thing…the colors that will always bring us together, and the colors that will always prevail, will be the Red, White & Blue. So, color me Red, White & Blue…I’m Proud To Be An American!!!

I want to thank you for your continued support of the Blitz Weekly and our advertisers. It’s been quite a journey from our first issue. Visit us online, fan us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter. As always, “Seize The Day & Get BLITZED” – Kelly G. Reed/Publisher

Visit us online at www.Blitzweekly.com

September 7 – september 13, 2011

VOL. 4 – ISSUE 1

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