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Utah Officers use Tasers to Subdue Escaped Bull

BLITZ News Shorts 3 Hollywood Profile / Movie Reviews 4 Depeche Mode Concert Review 5 TCU / SMU / UNT Previews 6 Brandon Marshall Needs to Grow Up 7 Restaurant Review: 8 COVER STORY: Cowboys Week 1 Preview 9 AFC/NFC Conference Preview 10-11 BLITZ BABE: Courtney 12 The Lies Men Tell 14 BLITZ Toys 15 Top 10 Weird Food Combos 16 Crossword / Jokes / Horrorscopes 17 Last Call: Where’s My Jet Pack 18 PUBLISHER / EDITOR Kelly Reed CREATIVE DIRECTOR / WEBSITE / GRAPHIC DESIGN Damien William Mayfield COVER: Damien William Mayfield PHOTOGRAPHERS Ronnie Baker, Darryl Briggs, Steven Hendrix, Matt Pearce, Brandon Uhr CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Joe Avezzano, Ronnie Baker, Anthony Brown, Vivian Fullerlove, Robin George, Dennis Hambright, Wayne Mace, Pat Moran, Tunde Obazee, Spence, Craig Smith, Sybil Summers, Eddie Stephens, and Jesse Whitman ADVERTISING SALES MANAGER Kelly G. Reed SALES REPRESENTATIVES Johnny Horton, Patrick Marshall CONTACT US MAIN NUMBER 972-663-9339 FAX NUMBER 972-960-8618 kreed@blitzweekly.com BLITZ Weekly P.O. Box 295293, Lewisville, TX 75029

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QUOTE OF THE WEEK “Football is a game played with arms, legs and shoulders but mostly from the neck up.” --Knute Rockne (1888 – 1931)

Chris Brown’s Mom: Rihanna was ‘Family’ Immediately after his late-night fight with Rihanna over Grammy weekend, Chris Brown knew what he had to do: Tell his mother. “I went to my mom and I was upset,” says Brown, who was raised by his mother, Joyce Hawkins, in the small town of Tappahannock, Va., where they both still live a few doors down from each other. “I told my mom what happened and just broke down. I was disappointed in myself and I felt like I had let my mom down.” For Hawkins, herself a victim of domestic abuse, Brown’s confessional still haunts her. “It was the most painful moment in my life to hear him tell me that,” she tells PEOPLE. “I just sighed and was like, ‘What in the world happened?’ And you know he started talking, but I could see the pain in his face and how hurt he was while he was trying to tell me. It wasn’t easy for him to do.” Hawkins, who avoided watching TV in the wake of the incident, had strong words for her son. “I explained to him that in no way (was) what he did right or acceptable,” she says of Brown’s assault of Rihanna in his rented Lamborghini on Feb. 8. “And I just explained to him that if something of this magnitude ever happened again, what he should do — walk away from any situation and never involve yourself like that ever again.” Even so, Brown’s behavior was a shock. “I’ve never seen any violence in Chris, ever. There was never a history of violence.” Hawkins says of her son, who has no prior criminal record, “He’s always been my little angel.” As Brown begins serving his sentence, Hawkins says the ordeal over the last seven months has taken a toll. “He’s dealt with it, but it hasn’t been easy,” she says, before adding that her heart also goes out to Rihanna. “I love her. She’s like a daughter. She became family to us. She’s spent Christmas with us and for the last two years.” So does Hawkins miss Rihanna? She answers, without hesitation: “Of course I do.”

Police in South Jordan had to use Tasers to tame a bull that escaped from its owner and knocked over an 80-year-old man. South Jordan police Lt. Dan Starks said a bull escaped from its owner Wednesday in the Salt Lake City suburb and that others in the area tried to help corral it. The bull knocked over an 80-year-old man who was trying to help. Police arrived and ended up using their Tasers to subdue the animal. Eventually the owner was able to get the bull into a trailer. The man who was toppled by the bull suffered a cut and some bleeding. He went to a hospital as a precaution.

Union Says Firefighters Forced to Bathe Elephant A firefighters union says a New York City engine company had to close its firehouse for 30 minutes to bathe a circus elephant on city orders. The Uniformed Firefighters Association says Brooklyn’s Engine Company 245 didn’t want to participate in the photo opportunity with circus elephant Suzie, part of the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey show in Coney Island. But it says city officials ordered the engine company to participate. The firehouse closed Wednesday while four firefighters and an officer went to scrub Suzie. About 10 firefighters stayed behind. The fire department says firefighters were only supposed to spray the elephant when it walked by the firehouse and weren’t ordered to close. It says closing the firehouse was a mistake. It hasn’t said if any emergency calls came in while the firehouse was closed.

Woman says life easier after breaking long nails A Salt Lake City woman who held a Guinness World Record for her long fingernails before they broke off in a car crash says it was the most dramatic event of her life. But Lee Redmond, who lost the fingernails in February, says it’s now much easier to do things and her hands seem to fly with the weight of the nails gone. The 68-year-old won’t grow her nails out again, saying it took 30 years the first time and she may not live for another 30. Redmond hadn’t cut her nails since 1979 and entered the Guinness World Records book in 2002 for longest fingernails on a woman. The Guinness Web site says her nails measured a total of more than 28 feet long in 2008, with the longest nail on her right thumb at 2 feet, 11 inches.

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VOL. 2 - ISSUE 3

Sept. 9 - 15, 2009 3

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4 Sept. 9 - 15, 2009

HOLLYWOOD PROFILE BLITZREVIEWS with Kate Beckinsale

Wa s t i n g o u r m o n ey s o yo u d o n ’t h a ve t o !

Vivian Fullerlove

“Entertainment’s Real Critic”

When one thinks of a suspenseful crime drama, several places come to mind…Chicago, the mean streets of LA, the Big Apple, even Miami. Well, the lovely Kate Beckinsale is on a manhunt for a murderer and has to try not to freeze to death in the process in her new thriller, set in Antarctica! In the movie Whiteout, Beckinsale plays Carrie Stetko, the lone U.S. Marshal assigned to Antarctica, who is investigating the continent’s first murder, which draws her into a shocking mystery. With only three days until winter, Carrie must solve the crime before Antarctica is plunged into darkness and she is stranded with the killer. We talked with Beckinsale about the film and how the actress feels about taking on more action packed roles. Tell me about your character in the film and how on earth she ends up in Antarctica. Carrie is a US Marshal who has taken a job that is months on end in this freezing environment, which has actually turned out to be a very boring almost clerical job because nobody’s committing any crimes, and she’s inventorying paper clips a lot of the time and checking out very unsuspicious things. I think it’s more a test of endurance with her being cut off in this very isolated part of the world without very much that is gripping to do, and I think for various reasons in her life, she’s decided to come out to this place and take a breather and cool off from a previously bad experience she’d had with her partner. She just doesn’t want to have to really deal with anybody. While she’s there various events take place that liven it all up a bit.

Office Space in a Factory?

The life of running your own flavor-extract plant is the dream that Joel (Jason Bateman) had in college and now lives. He is married to Suzie (Kristen Wiig) and wants nothing more than to rekindle his sex life with her. Every time he thinks he has a chance, it is snatched away from him. Enter temp employee Cindy (Mila Kunis) and Joel finds himself lusting over her for an affair. Searching for advice, he consults his drug-obsessed bartender friend Dean (Ben Affleck). Dean advises him to hire a gigolo to seduce Joel’s wife which in turn will allow Joel to have a guilt free affair with Cindy. Cindy enjoys a life of petty crime and lies a lot, which works like a charm on Joel. The hiring of the gigolo turns out to be a big mistake and hilarity ensures as Joel and Dean try to figure things out.

PICK OF THE WEEK

What was it like working in such harsh conditions? It was relentless. There’s something about being in the snow whether it’s real snow or fake snow and the parka and the wind and all that stuff just every single day. And, okay, it’s not going down a mine for real, I’m not suggesting that, but it really is almost like a prison environment, and it was quite a long shoot. This role, like many in your past, looks to have been very physically demanding. Are you drawn to that in a script? I have been surprised by the fact that I’ve been able to do these kinds of roles because it’s not really what I’m like in real life, and it’s not what I anticipated when I decided to become an actress, but for some reason people “buy” me in this sort of action role, and there are all kinds of reasons why that is a really good thing. It looks like you had a great group of guys to work with in this project. What was it like on set with all of them? We did manage to have a brilliant time together, and it was just among one of the best times I’ve ever had with any actors. I used to go completely bereft; it was like when the end of summer comes. One of them would get a week off and would leave and the rest of us would be sitting there pining for them to come back and save us. Joel [Silver] picked some of the nicest people on the planet to put in this small space, and some of the biggest laughs I’ve had in my life was on this film. What will audiences like about this film? I think it’s an environment that has rarely been seen on film, and I think the threat that is coming towards the characters is partially from that environment and partially from what we find out as the film goes along; so, there’s a sort of double aspect to the threat because the peril that we’re in is coming from various different sides. Our intention is that the movie is exciting, absorbing and gripping. Grab your down coats and head to the theatres for this one this week when Whiteout opens nationwide. The film is rated R violence, grisly images, brief strong language and some nudity. For all of this week’s new film releases and more with your favorite celebs, check out my show Reel Critics on Time Warner Cable’s Video on Demand under the North Texas programming tab!

Set waaaaaay back in 1987, Adventureland revolves around the still virginal James Brennan (Jesse Eisenberg), a smart college grad whose dashed European vacation plans and career desperation lead him to take a summer job running games and handing out crummy stuffed animals at a Z-grade amusement park. It’s there that he falls hard for his colleague, Em (Kristen Stewart), a pretty but emotionally confused girl who is having a secret affair with older-married-guy Mike Connell (Dane Cook), an aspiring musician and the park’s resident handyman. Over the course of the summer, the employees of this pathetic Disneyland party hard, smoke weed and most importantly learn about love and relationships.

Sept. 9 - 15, 2009 5

gamut from the sinisterly seductive to the sanctified. Depeche Mode brought forth an engaging sampling from their newest album, “Sounds of the Universe” along with a healthy dose of what’s made them alternative rock revolutionaries now teetering on their 30th year together. For a band that has nothing to prove, their show undeniably rivals even

Ronnie Baker

“Music Aficionado”

choral chants liken Depeche Mode’s Dallas performance to more of a spiritual revival than that of an alterative rock concert. Those witnessing this performance will have no qualms with accepting the idea that Dave Gahan is arguably one of the best frontmen in music today. Depeche Mode’s performance was fraught with unparalleled showmanship

MUSIC: Depeche Mode 1. Never Let Me Down Again

Depeche Mode - The Best of ...

2. Enjoy the Silence

Depeche Mode - The Best of ...

3. Personal Jesus

Depeche Mode - The Best of ...

4. It’s No Good

Depeche Mode - The Best of ...

5. People Are People

Photos by: Ronnie Baker

Dallas crowd of 15,000 rolled out the symbolic red carpet for legendary kings of the new wave/alt rock movement, Depeche Mode. A high-energy performance is an understatement of all understatements as Superpages Center presented Depeche Mode to Dallas this past August 29th. Formed in 1980, Depeche Mode’s original line up consisted of vocalist D a v e Gahan, A n d y Fletcher, Martin Gore, and Vi n c e Clark. A f t e r their first album was released in 1981, keyboardist Vince Clark left the band to make notable musical impact in such bands as Yaz and Erasure. With a few changes over the years, the basic core members of Depeche Mode, Gahan, Gore, and Fletcher have been the mainstay for the entirety of the band’s existence. DM’s sound is unmistakable; a synth-pop/electronic rock fusion built on a gothic framework entices the emotional

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Just Can’t Get Enough – The Recap

Depeche Mode - The Best of ...

6. Just Can’t Get Enough

Depeche Mode - The Best of ...

7. Strangelove

Depeche Mode - The Best of ...

8. Dream On

Depeche Mode - The Best of ...

9. Precious

Depeche Mode - The Best of ...

10. I Feel You

the most intense of the newest breeds in the latest chart topping offerings. The syrupy smooth voice of baritone crooner Dave Gahan gives us the perfect overlay to the driving electronic pulses and back beats that seem to unveil a carefully crafted balancing act between brooding darkness and angelic light. Crowd participation was certainly like none you’ll see too often; swaying hands and

led by Gahan, whose energetic enthusiasm bares more resemblance to a young man in his 20’s than that of a his actual age of 47. Influencing bands ranging from Linkin Park to Radiohead and songs being covered by names such as Marilyn Manson, Johnny Cash, and Coldplay screams exactly why Depeche Mode is one of the greatest bands touring today and unquestionable musical royalty.

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6 Sept. 9 - 15, 2009

Ohio vs North Texas

TCU vs Virgina

SMU vs UAB

Sat. Sept. 12th: 6pm - T XA21 @ Fouts Field

Sat. Sept. 12th: 2:30pm - ESPNU @ Scott Stadium

Sat. Sept. 12th: 3pm @ Legion Field

North Texas plays its home opener against Ohio from the MAC. This is the first meeting between the two. The Mean Green are coming off a 20-10 upset win over Ball State. Riley Dodge got his first college start at quarterback and threw for 216 yards and had 73 yards rushing. Cam Montgomery added 149 yards rushing. The Bobcats are coming off a 23-16 loss to Connecticut. Ohio only managed a measly 61 yards rushing led by quarterback Boo Jackson’s 28. The Mean Green defense showed much improvement over last season and should be able to contain the Bobcats offense who had a MAC high 32 turnovers last year. With a fired up crowd, Dodge with good line protection should move the ball well. Ohio has a solid linebacker corp led by All-MAC Noah Keller. With a win this week, a bowl eligible 6 wins suddenly looks attainable.

The Horned Frogs have 13 starters returning for the 2009 season. QB Andy Dalton will be one of them, he had 2,242 yards last season. Among the 13 returning, there will be 6 on offense, 5 on defense, and both kickers as well. The TCU defense hopes it can continue last year’s success. They dominated their conference. They ranked first in total defense, and second in scoring. The defense only gave up 11.31 points per game. The Horned Frogs will open their season against Virgina on September 12th. Virgina is coming off a 5-7 year, and should be no match for the Horned Frogs. The only major change for Virgina will be the many new assistant coaches added to the staff. Coach Al Groh is going on his 8th year, and if they don’t go to a bowl, could be his last. To complicate matters, on Saturday they lost their season opener to William & Mary 26 -14! The Horned Frogs offense and defense combined should easily shut down Virgina.

The SMU Mustangs went into the game against Stephen F. Austin with high expectations and fulfilled them. SMU running back Shawnbrey McNeal ran for 158 yards on 19 carries and a touchdown to help lead SMU past SFA this past weekend. Not a bad way to start off the season at home. Bo Levi Mitchell scored in the 4th quarter to guarantee the win. They will travel to play UAB, who are also 1-0. SMU will have to keep running the ball in order to win this game. UAB quarterback Joe Webb threw for 220 yards and 2 touchdowns against Rice last weekend. SMU only won one game all year in 2008, so last week’s win has to make them happy.

Sept. 9 - 15, 2009 7

BABY T.O. better known as Brandon Marshall has done it again. Josh McDaniels has suspended the Denver receiver in preseason for his child like conduct termed as conduct detrimental to team. During a Bronco’s practice he was caught on film walking while the rest of team ran and punting a ball away instead of handing it to the ball boy. He was having a Mile High tantrum while shown batting down passes thrown his way. He is unhappy and asked to be traded over the summer after the team would not rework his contract. He is going about this all the wrong way. I believe this all began with the trading of his quarterback Jay Cutler to the Chicago Bears. He now must catch passes from a much less talented Kyle Orton. He didn’t play in this preseason’s game against Seattle because he did not know the playbook. I think learning it is probably part of his job description. Who wants to trade for a guy who doesn’t even take time to learn their offense? No one wants a headache on their

Rangers Control Their Own Destiny

Sportsologist - Craig Smith

team as most teams already have at least one already to deal with. He is making the decision of not extending his contract look like a wise one. He is replaceable although he probably doesn’t think so. His counterpart on last year’s Denver offense Eddie Royal caught 91 passes for 980 yards as a rookie. Even his fantasy value has gone down because you don’t know if he will face further suspensions. He has had legal issues to battle off the field also. He is on thin ice with the league and very close to a league suspension. Only thing he seems to be proving is why you wouldn’t want him on your team. One of the most talented young receivers in the game is making it hard on himself and his bank account. He has 206 receptions over the last two seasons and is a vital part of the Denver offense. You learn a lot about a man when things don’t go his way. Sadly for Marshall he is showing the world what he doesn’t want us to see. That he’s a big ass whining BABY.

Saints Chase Daniel

Baseball Guru - Eddie Stephens Well here we go again with the Rangers. As of Labor Day, they trail the Red Sox 2.5 games in the Wild Card. They just can’t seem to win when they really need to win. Derrek Holland got roughed up this past Sunday in the 7-0 loss to the Orioles. He needs to keep his head up, and not lose confidence, because the Rangers will need him if they plan on making a stretch run. The team needs to keep their confidence, especially the young rookies.For the remainder of the season the Rangers will have to face teams like Oakland, Seattle and Tampa Bay, so if they play it right, those games should be easy wins. The biggest test is that they have 7 more games to play against the LA Angels, and they are only five games behind them in the standings. They need to just go on a tear, and get back to scoring runs consistently. With Josh Hamilton possibly coming back, and pitcher Brandon McCarthy back in the lineup, they should have a good run. The Rangers just need to finish games and protect the lead at all costs. Bring some more guys up, (sorry Milwood), but youth is where it’s at. The Rangers have one of the, if not; the best farm system in the Majors. I guess we will have to see how September treats them and hopefully October as well.

Chase Daniel joined the New Orleans Saints practice. Colt Brennan, noted that Daniel joined a team with another short quarterback. Of course, Drew Brees is elite, while Daniel is still considered a project. Fan reaction outside Washington is mixed. In St. Louis, where one might expect strong support for Daniel as a Missouri Tigers hero, fans wish him well but are just as happy that the St. Louis Rams kept West Texas A&M Keith Null as No. 3 quarterback. One fan noted that Mizzou hasn’t skipped a beat without Daniel, reinforcing the thought that Daniel was a system quarterback. New Orleans fans welcome Daniel to the fold because, well, anyone is better than Joey Harrington. Saints fans feel that Daniel will learn from Sean Peyton and two good quarterbacks, Brees and...Mark Brunell. It doesn’t work that way. Ninety-eight percent of OPEN DAILY 6am-11pm

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Brandon Marshall Needs to Grow Up

by: Anthony Brown - www.mvn.com

the practice snaps and coach’s time is allocated to the starting quarterback. Recall that Jason Campbell had no practice snaps with the starting team and little of the coaches’ attention, until the week before he started his first game in 2006. That came as a surprise to me and many others. But that’s typical of NFL teams unless they are desperate for a starter, like the New York Jets. That fits the bigger pattern. Pro coaches dislike quarterback controversies. Preseason and training camp time is precious. Starting quarterbacks are designated early and get all the love. Guys third on the depth chart don’t. Whatever Chase Daniel learns from Sean Peyton and Drew Brees will come through osmosis. Daniel is considered super football smart. That’s why he draws interest from a few football teams. That’s why he a better prospect to coach than to play.

Titans vs. Steelers Thurs. Sept. 10 • 7:30pm - FOX

The NFL season opener on prime time! Two very good defenses go to battle. Will the “Steel Curtain” contain the “Smash and Dash” running game of the Titans? The defending Super Bowl Champions go to work. Get ready for a great game!

USC vs.

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Ohio State

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Sat. Sept. 12 • 7pm - ESPN

Matt Barkley and the Trojans visit the “Horseshoe” in a game that has BCS implications. The loser will probably be knocked out of contention. The Buckeyes survived a test with Navy. Terrelle Pryor will have to get the offense going or it’ll get ugly fast.

WEEK 1

LINES

Thur., Sept. 10 LINE @ Pittsburgh -6

OPPONENT Tennessee

TIME 7:30pm

Sun., Sept. 13 @ Indianapolis @ New Orleans Dallas @ Carolina @ Baltimore @ Baltimore @ Houston @ Atlanta @ Cincinnati Minnesota @ NY Giants @ Arizona @ Seattle @ Green Bay

OPPONENT Jacksonville Detroit @ Tampa Bay Philadelphia Kansas City Kansas City NY Jets Miami Denver @ Cleveland Washington San Francisco St. Louis Chicago

TIME Noon Noon Noon Noon Noon Noon Noon Noon Noon Noon 3:15PM 3:15PM 3:15PM 7:20PM

LINE - 7.5 -13 -16 -1 - 13 - 13 - 5 - 4 -4.5 - 4 - 6.5 - 6.5 - 8.5 - 3.5

Mon., Sept. 14 LINE @ New England - 10.5 San Diego - 9

OPPONENT Buffalo @ Oakland

TIME 6PM 9:15PM

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8 Sept. 9 - 15, 2009 blitzweekly.com

FOOD REVIEW

by: Kelly G. Reed

“Dude with an Appetite”

The Pick Denton County Independent Hamburger Company of the Week:

If there is one legend in the food department in Denton, this restaurant has to be it. The city of Denton has grown up a lot in the past 30 years and Denton County Independent Hamburger Company owner Kim Kitchens has witnessed it all. It all started for him 30 years ago when he established the restaurant in the town square on West Hickory Street. Rumor has it that this is the oldest self run restaurant in Denton. Stop by for lunch and you can smell the burgers cooking and you can see the line out the door. That is a testimonial in itself that Kim is doing things right. Over the years he has grown to a second location on Sunset Center. He states, “Folks know they get a good value when they come in”. When you first enter and take in the ambiance you’ll notice that the rustic appearance has a very down home feel to it. Simple and quaint, there are old photos and original signs from the 1930’s that compliment the décor nicely. A lot of these antiques have been donated from customers over the years and adds to the family feel of the restaurant. Our friends at the Denton County Chronicle have voted the establishment the “Best Burger and Fries” year in and year out. The proof is on the walls.

On to the Eats

Watch Your Favorite

COLLEGE TEAM HERE COWBOYS vs. BUCCANEERS Sunday - Noon

BEER & DRINK SPECIALS Sat. Sept. 12 - 9pm Dave Thomas Sun.-Tues. Texas Hold’em Wednesday $3 U-Call-Its & DJ Clo Thursday Karaoke

601 Cross Timbers #108 Flower Mound 972-539-1717 www.pointafternorth.com

Denton County Independent Hamburger Company prides itself in having all of its ingredients freshly prepared daily. The hamburger patties are ground fresh on site and made by hand, none of that shipped in frozen stuff that is served at other places. Lettuce, tomatoes, onions etc. are chopped and sliced each morning. If your burger has cheese on it, just know that it was grated by hand that day as well. The burgers are cooked to order. You won’t find heat lamps in this restaurant. They make their French fries fresh as well by taking a whole potato, cleaning it and cutting it up with a fry cutter daily. I am partial to the Hickory Burger. It comes with ample hickory sauce, onions and cheddar cheese. Also on the burger menu is the Old Fashion which is served with lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, onions and mustard or mayonnaise. The famed Chili Burger is popular as well. You can also add bacon, mushrooms or jalapenos if that tickles your fancy. Feel free to order these burgers “bunless”. If you are in the mood for something that isn’t a burger, the restaurant has you covered. They offer Chicken Fried Steak which is smothered in gravy and a Chicken Fried Steak Sandwich. The Charbroiled Chicken Breast Sandwich is worth taking note. The chicken is boneless and skinless with lettuce and tomatoes to top it off. For the little ones, the hot dog is a nice alternative. For those in search of salad or “diet plates” they have those here too. The choices are pretty simple: side salad, salad with a beef patty or a salad with chicken breast.

Rounding Things Out

To complete the meal, Kim offers a meal deal that allows you to have unlimited free refills of fries, beans and drink. He says, “If you’re hungry when you leave, it’s your own fault”. Nothing goes better with your burger on a Saturday than a cold beer and Denton County Independent Hamburger Company is willing to oblige. Choose a longneck from the following flavors: Coors Light, Miller Genuine Draft, Miller Lite or Bud Light. Sorry, no free refills on the beer. The Hamburger Man has hosted weddings and wedding receptions in his restaurant, seen customers grow up from their early childhood and witnessed the rebirth of downtown Denton. Feel free to stop by and introduce yourself. Tell your friends, better yet; bring them with you. Kim appreciates it! 113 W. Hickory – Denton – (940) 383-1022 Hours: Mon – Sat 11 – 3pm

715 Sunset Center – Denton – (940) 382-3037 Hours: Mon – Sat 11 – 8pm

Sept. 9 - 15, 2009 9

1. Washington Redskins - Clinton Portis has run for a lot of yards, but

never come close to matching his gaudy 5.5 yards per carry average with the Broncos. A year ago, he looked like he was fading fast compared to his division contemporaries on New York, Philadelphia and Dallas. However, last year Portis came roaring back. In the first half of the season, Portis appeared to be as good as any running back in the NFL and was clearly on the MVP short list. Portis doesn’t break big runs any more, but he’s a tough grinder who can slash away for 5-8 yards at a time when he’s really going. Portis is also a pretty good receiver, though the team prefers Ladell Betts as the third down back because he excels at that role and because it helps lessen the wear on Portis. In addition, Portis is the best pass-blocking tailback in the NFL -- no one is his equal at picking up the blitz and protecting his quarterback.

2. Dallas Cowboys - Marion Barber looked as if he might take the NFL by storm in 2008. Instead, he slid backwards, dropping over a yard in yards per carry and fumbling 7 times on only 290 touches. Barber is an effective receiver out of the backfield, but an indifferent pass-blocker and he hasn’t proven he can handle the full load. He needs to cut down on the fumbling, toughen up and recapture the 2007 form that made him appear to be the running back of the future. Felix Jones played in only 6 games last year, but made an impression by scoring 4 touchdowns, one on a kickoff return. He averaged almost 9 yards per carry on 30 carries, breaking 4 runs of at least 20 yards. He’s a big play threat that can go to the house any time he touches the ball. He needs to stay healthy though and prove that he can be a home run hitter over the course of a grueling 16-game schedule. The Cowboys are deep and talented at running back and it was only Barber’s regression and fumbles in 2008 that kept them from #1 at this position in the NFC East.

3. New York Giants - New York’s three-headed backfield in 2008 has

been cut back to two, but it’s still a pretty potent duo. Unlike some of his divisional counterparts, starter Brandon Jacobs didn’t take a step back in 2008, he took another step forward. Jacobs maintained a superb 5.0 yards per rush and scored 15 touchdowns. Running behind a healthy and first-rate offensive line, Jacobs terrorized opposing defenses with his physical, take-no-prisoners style. The problems with Jacobs are that he’s an indifferent pass-blocker and somehow managed to catch only 6 passes last year. A starting running back must do a better job of protecting his quarterback as a blitz-stopper and a safety valve receiver. Ahmad Bradshaw is the prototypical home run hitter, averaging over 8 yards per carry in 2007 and over 5 yards per carry in 2008. Bradshaw is too small to be a full-time back in the NFL, but with Jacobs on the team, that shouldn’t be too much of a problem.

4. Philadelphia Eagles - Going into last season, I thought Brian West-

brook was definitely the best running back in the NFC East. He’s a home run threat with the ball, a nice slashing cutback runner who can pick up the blitz. He’s also a team leader and a very unselfish player who will do anything to win. In other words, he’s a coach’s dream. However, Westbrook struggled with injuries last season and his productivity slumped. When healthy, Westbrook is the best player on the Philly team. Despite the decline in productivity, he still scored 14 TDs last year and fumbled only twice in almost 300 touches. The Eagles drafted LeSean McCoy to bolster their backfield, but he looks more like a replacement for Westbrook rather than a complement to him. McCoy is quick and explosive, a natural slasher and cutback runner. He should be a productive runner and receiver, but he needs to prove he can pick up the blitz and endure an NFL-style beating.

by: Joe Avezzano

WHOSE CHANGE WORKS THE BEST! Dallas Cowboys vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers Preview

It seems like only yesterday that the Cowboys ended the 2008 season with a humiliating loss to Philly. Changes were promised! It also seems like only minutes after that, Tampa Bay completed their slide out of the playoff picture and Jon Gurdon was fired and many other changes followed. Now all the off season rhetoric and spinning of the facts by both organizations are done and they open the season against each other. Whose changes are better? Dallas Offense vs TB Defense - The main change on offense is Terrell Owens. He is gone along with his production. Dallas has a talented offense comprised of a solid starting offensive line, one great and one good TE, three very good running backs, a totally unproven group of WR’s and an excellent QB. Can all this talent be utilized in a manner that allows them to be consistent and productive? Question marks include how is Felix Jones going to be utilized, can the WR group, as a group, combine to give this unit big numbers? One thing I believe to be true. Romo is one of the best in the league and to be considered a great one he needs to lead this team to playoff victories. He is the undisputed leader now and everyone is “ ROMO “friendly. The TB defense is solid up front with Adams being their stud, inexperienced at LB and not very deep in the secondary. There is a new defensive co-coordinator to go along with a new head coach Raheem Morris. This unit will be outmanned by the Dallas offense and Dallas has a chance to control the ball on the ground and in the air. Take care of the ball and they take care of the game. Dallas Defense vs. TB offense - Dallas is solid up front led by the great play of DeMarcus Ware and a very good Bradie James. Spencer must show he can make up for the loss of Greg Ellis. The secondary is solid if unproven. There have been a lot of changes personnel wise but this should be a good unit under the supervision of new Defensive co-coordinator, Head Coach Wade Phillips who is outstanding in that capacity. TB offense has a new co-coordinator and a new QB. Byron Leftwich has won the job. He is a strong armed; experienced, immobile QB. He has a very good group of running backs and a very capable receiver corp lead by Antonio Bryant and Kellen Winslow. TB has an OK offensive line that is weakest at the tackles. If this offense gets stymied in the running game and has to rely on the pass then I believe Dallas’ speed and mobility will cause havoc and the game goes in favor of Dallas. A word to the wise. Beware of Clifton Smith, a pro bowl kick returner for TB. If he does anything crazy then the game gets more interesting. What I expect to see is that the changes by Dallas were much more productive than the changes by TB. Dallas is a better team. The edge could be removed by mistakes and the hot, humid weather but I don’t think so. Is this the team that finished the season in Philly or has all the changes produced a team that can make us forget all that? Coach Joe can be heard on KHYI 95.3 on Tue nights 7-9pmand on ESPN radio. Come by and say hello at Hat Tricks Sports Bar and Grill in Lewisville. Your home to great sports and great music.

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by: Spence - www.mvn.com

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10 Sept. 9 - 15, 2009

All eyes will be on the New England Patriots and Tom Brady in the 2009 season. He is recovering from knee surgery, but with Randy Moss and Wes Welker there to give him support, he’ll probably pick up where he left off. They have several running backs with Fred Taylor, Sammy Morris, and Lawrence Maroney, so anything is possible. The defense will be tested after losing linebackers Teddy Bruschi and Rodney Harrison to retirement. The Pats also lost some experience with the recent trade of Richard Seymour to the Raiders. The New York Jets drafted USC quarterback Mark Sanchez, and he is likely to start. RB Thomas Jones will carry the ball most of the time with scatback Leon Washington catching passes out of the back field. Jerricho Cotchery is the only proven wideout. TO has a new home in Buffalo. Overall the offense should perform well. The key will be Edwards getting the ball to TO and Lee Evans. Marshawn Lynch will miss the first three games so Fred Jackson will have to carry the load. The Miami Dolphins could be a surprise this year especially if running back Ricky Williams is “re-born”. Chad Pennington will try to lead the way, and with Jason Taylor rejoining the team, they could rise up from the dead for a repeat playoff appearance. This division is the third strongest in the AFC.

The Ravens will rely a lot on quarterback Joe Flacco. Last season Willis McGahee wasn’t the workhorse and FB Le’Ron McClain got the majority of the carries. As always Ray Lewis and company will have a superb defense. The Steelers have all of the necessary components to return to the Super Bowl in 2009. Big Ben is the field general and will pass the ball to Hines Ward and to Santonio Holmes. The rushing attack will be led by Willie Parker and Rashard Mendenhall will spell him on occasion. Expect another year of great defense. The Bengals could be a contender even though they lost T.J Houshmandzadeh to the Seahawks. Wide receiver Chris Henry is back and with Ochocinco motivated this year, the Bengals could be back the game. If Carson Palmer is to remain healthy, the o-line has to do a better job protecting him. Cedric Benson will tote the rock. They also added Tank Johnson, Roy Williams and Rey Mauluga on defense. The Browns have a new coach in Eric Mangini. Expect Brady Quinn to be the starter. Quinn has dependable WR Braylon Edwards and a pair of rookies to toss the ball to. The Browns have the components on offense, but the main question is will they be able to stop the run, and cause turnovers. The division is top heavy and number two in the conference.

The Tennessee Titans had a remarkable year last year with their 13-3 record, so they are eager to get back on the field. Kerry Collins hopes to get back on track and make things happen. He threw for 2,676 yards with 12 touchdowns last season, and with the help of newcomer Nate Washington, the Titans should continue their success. Look for the Titans to continue their “Smash & Dash” philosophy with LenDale White and Chris Johnson. Losing Albert Haynesworth is a blow, still the unit is a strong one. The Texans plan to run the ball more with Steve Slaton, so they could finally be a powerful force in the AFC. If Matt Schaub stays healthy good things could happen for the Texans. He’ll be passing the ball to Andre Johnson, Kevin Walter and Owen Daniels. Their defense is mediocre at best. With a healthy Peyton Manning, the Colts can do anything. He will pick apart a defense and make them look silly. Even without Marvin Harrison, Manning stills has Reggie Wayne, Dallas Clark and Anthony Gonzalez, so he is in good hands. Jacksonville will be trying to make a statement this season with Maurice-Jones Drew. They lost Fred Taylor in free agency, but acquired Tory Holt. Unless their running game takes off, the Jaguars will be non-existent. This is the toughest division in the AFC.

#5 RAYMOND JAMES STADIUM, TAMPA BAY Home of the Buccaneers and the host of several Super Bowls, this stadium has a unique setting with a 103’ Pirates ship in the north end of “Buccaneer Cove”. The fans go crazy shouting Yo-Ho-Ho’s to the music as the cannons fire from the ship after a Buccaneer score. The weather is awesome and they have a great tailgating environment.

The Chargers have quarterback Phill Rivers at the helm. He completed 65.3 of his passes for 4,009 yards with 3 touchdowns last season. He will have Chr Chambers, Vincent Jackson and Anton Gates to throw to. L.T. and Darren Sprol are the running backs. If linebacker Shaw Merriman can stay out of legal trouble, t defense should be good as well. The Raide are full of talent that they have picked u over the past few years, but haven’t put t pieces together. Darren McFadden shou have a break out year and carry this team If the Raiders have a chance to compete the AFC, their defense will have to step u and carry the load. In order for the Denv Broncos to succeed, quarterback Kyle Orto will need help from his two best receive Brandon Marshall and Eddie Roya Broncos rookie running back Knowsho Moreno will be getting most of the carrie The Broncos also went out and signed lon time safety Brian Dawkins, so he shou bring some life to the defense. The Chie acquired Matt Cassel from the Patrio Cassel will have much harder time since does not have the talent around him that did last season. Not to mention the Chie traded their leading receiver Tony Gonzal in the offseason. Look for Larry Johnso and Jamal Charles to carry the load.

#4 HEINZ FIELD, PITT There is no mistaking Country”. Blue collar fa “Terrible Towel” in a s and gold. One of the to in, with swirling wind stadium. The “Great Ha history is a must see f

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Sept. 9 - 15, 2009 11

The Philadelphia Eagles have made improve-ments to a team that was one game away from the Super Bowl last year. Donovan McNabb will finally have plenty of weapons on offense and Vick will mix it up. The health of Westbrook has always been a concern but the drafting of elusive LeSean McCoy should ease those concerns. Defense should be solid even after the passing of defensive coordinator Jim Johnson. The Giants will try to replace offense lost by the release of Plaxico Burress. Eli Manning is a streaky quarterback who must continue to improve. They still have a strong running game led by Brandon Jacobs. They possess one of the strongest and deepest defenses in NFL. Dallas is not as highly regarded as they were going into last season. Tony Romo must cut down on turnovers. Barber & Jones are two contrasting backs who should be a force. Roy Williams must play up to his ability. TE Jason Witten will most likely lead this team in receptions. The Redskins started out 6-2 last season and then finished 8-8. Jason Campbell is in the final year of his contract and must show consistency or else he will be looking for a new team next season. Clinton Portis is a major part of the offense when healthy and rushed for 1,487 yards in 2008. This is one of the toughest divisions in the NFL and clearly the NFC.

TSBURGH g that you are in “Steeler ans waving the traditional stadium filled with black oughest stadiums to play ds in the open end of the all of Fame” full of Steeler for any fan visiting.

The Vikings signed veteran QB Brett Favre to strengthen their weakest position on the team. Adrian Peterson is probably the best pure runner in the league and Chester Taylor has great hands out of the backfield. Bernard Berrian is a big play receiver who will finally have a quarterback with a strong enough arm to get him the ball downfield. The defense was number one against the run last year. Green Bay will have an MVP candidate in QB Aaron Rodgers. Ryan Grant had a nice season with 1,203 yards rushing but must cut down on fumbles. Greg Jennings had 1,292 yards receiving and led the league with 8 catches over 40 yards. The defense must show major improvements. The Bears got the QB they always wanted in Jay Cutler. He is an instant upgrade to their offense and can actually throw the ball downfield. Matt Forte, an all-purpose every down back will look to repeat his rookie performance of 1,238 yards rushing and 63 receptions for 477 yards. A very weak group of receivers that is likely to be led by Devin Hester. TE Greg Olsen was second on the team in receptions behind Forte last season. The Lions will start Matthew Stafford at QB. Calvin Johnson is one of the most dangerous receivers in NFL and is about all this offense has. Can’t do worse than last seasons’s 0-16!

#3 ARROWHEAD STADIUM, KANSAS CITY Traditional tailgating and friendly fans, but be prepared for “The Sea of Red” when you step foot into this stadium. When the fans pound on the backs of the plastic seats and start chanting it is by far the loudest stadium in the NFL.

The Falcons are excited about year two for QB Matt Ryan who was Offensive Rookie of the Year in 2008. Michael Turner is a powerful runner who led the league last year in carries and was second in rushing yards. Roddy White is becoming a top receiver in the league and finished last season with 1,382 yards. The addition of Tony Gonzalez makes this offense sound. The defense must improve. The Saints have one of the premier offenses in the league led by Drew Brees, the ultimate field general. In three seasons with the Saints, he has 13,910 passing yards and 88 touchdowns. They will run three and four receiver sets with Marques Colston being a constant threat. Added some quality veterans to a defense that struggled in 2008. The Panthers face a tough schedule. Jake Delhomme has a gunslinger’s mentality that led to costly turnovers last year. DeAngelo Williams had a productive season last year with 1,515 yards and 18 touchdowns. Steve Smith is one of the most consistent receivers in the league and is always dangerous. The Bucs named Byron Leftwich their starting quarterback, but may not be a good fit for their West Coast offense. Derrick Ward and Earnest Graham should provide a nice running attack. Antonio Bryant had knee surgery and did not play in the preseason but should be ready for the opener.

#2 RELIANT STADIUM, HOUSTON Home of the Texans and host of SBXXXVIII this was the first indoor stadium with a retractable roof. Towering five levels above the field, there is not a bad seat in the house and the fans love their team albeit they have not been a contender since the old Oiler days. A first rate modern stadium.

Arizona will try to repeat last season which resulted in a Super Bowl appearance after many years of disappointment. They resigned Kurt Warner to a two year deal at $23 million to run an offense that set a franchise record by scoring 427 points in 2008. They also drafted Chris “Beanie” Wells in the first round to compete with Tim Hightower at running back. The Seahawks may return to contend after injuries decimated them last year. Jim Mora takes over as head coach. Matt Hasselbeck is healthy after missing nine games last season. T.J. Houshmanzadeh was a major signing and will fit in nicely to the West Coast offense. The 49ers won five of the last seven games under first year coach Mike Singletary. Look for a change to a run oriented offense with their new offensive coordinator. Shaun Hill is the starter. Frank Gore is a very versatile running back and must stay healthy for the offense to prosper. First round pick Michael Crabtree would be a great addition if he plays this year. The St. Louis Rams can only do better after finishing 5-11 last year. Marc Bulger’s career is going downhill. The offense will run through Steven Jackson. Donnie Avery will take over as primary receiver since they released Torry Holt. This is easily the softest division in NFC.

#1 LAMBEAU FIELD, GREEN BAY Football tradition at it’s best. A modernized older venue that has kept with the tradition of football history. One of the toughest stadiums to go into in winter and the fans are long time season ticket holders that are die-hard Cheese Heads. Great tailgating and probably best concession offerings of any stadium.

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ARLINGTON - MIDWAY - SKILLMAN - RICHARDSON - FORT WORTH - FORT WORTH DOWNTOWN - LEWISVILLE

Sept. 9 - 15, 2009 13

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14 Sept. 9 - 15, 2009

How

Fat Guys Get Hot Chicks: The Mystery Revealed

Jesse Whitman “A Woman’s Perspective”

o maybe your romantic life isn’t like a Judd Apatow movie where the dorky fat guy with a Jewfro hooks up with a hot girl. But what if it could be? What traits do these Homer Simpson look-a-likes have that others don’t? It’s not just a strange coincidence when a guy is dating someone who is much hotter than them. These men possess certain characteristics that give them an edge over their more attractive looking competition. While handsome men can coast along on their looks, since they are a rare commodity--especially if they’re straight--men who are challenged in the looks department often overcompensate—sometimes without even realizing it—by enhancing their personality. Perhaps this is why there are so many goofy-looking comedians. Good-looking men can get love and attention just from how they look but the dorky guys get by on their wit and cleverness. Handsome men are also generally not good in bed. Why? Because they don’t have to be. With the schmuck, on the other hand, it’s either sink or swim. He can’t be a schlump and be bad in bed, so generally, they tend to pleasantly surprise women in between the sheets. First, let’s examine the first proposition: That fat, hairy, dorky, disgusting men (think Seth Rogen in “Knocked Up” or Jonah Hill in “Superbad”) can pull the super hot girls. How could these two characters score the hot chicks? And does this even happen outside of movies, in reality? Turtle, one of the characters on the HBO show “Entourage,” wonders about this same proposition in a recent episode. And he should wonder – as he himself is one of the “fat guys” who scores the hot chick – Jamie-Lynn Sigler (formerly of “The Sopranos”) – both in the show, and rumor has it, in real life. First of all, let’s examine the characteristics that these actors share that might explain their mysterious ability to pull the fine trim. Set aside the fact that these are fictionalized realities for the moment. The one thing that they all have in common is their ability to produce laughs and be self-deprecating. So the ability to be funny seems to play a big part. But, does this theory hold up in reality? To test it out, I hit the streets to find out from real life couples populated by fat, hairy men and hot chicks. It turned out to be harder to find these couples in real life than I thought. After some searching, I came across a couple that seemed to be completely in love – Jessica was svelte, fit, with long, flowing brunette hair and a gorgeous smile. She wore a brown silk cocktail dress that showed off her toned yet voluptuous figure. Ben, her date at this local lounge, had on a stained Megadeth t-shirt that showed a glimmer of his hairy muffin-top, which protruded out past his hefty frame for several inches. While perhaps not technically obese, he was definitely big-boned. He had on a scruffy beard and wore his hair in a seventiesstyle ironic mullet. While out of earshot of Ben, I queried Jessica about her attraction to Ben. She replied, “He just cracks me up. He is so f-ing funny.” But I pressed further – there has to be more to it than that. “Well,” she continued, “he is the best muff-diver I have ever experienced in bed.” And there you have it, one of life’s mysteries revealed!

CAN YOU DIG IT: RED BULL SPIKED DESCENDS ON DOWNTOWN DALLAS Beach Volleyball Champs Todd Rogers and Phil Dalhausser Bring Their A-Game to Dallas Todd Rogers and Phil Dalhausser, the 2008 Olympic gold-medal winning beach volleyball team are challenging DFW locals to matches at Red Bull Spiked. This event is an innovative, roundrobin style tournament, in which qualifying teams of four from around the region compete for the once-in-a-lifetime chance to play against the best beach volleyball players in the world. SATURDAY, September 12, 2009 A day of sand, sun and serves in downtown Dallas. Teams of four fearless beach volleyball enthusiasts—advancing from qualifiers across Texas, Oklahoma and Louisiana—will faceoff in a double-elimination, round-robin style tournament. The top two prevailing teams qualify to play Todd and Phil in the final match. Score even a point on these guys and earn bragging rights for years! Todd and Phil became a team, only three short years ago in 2006. By 2007 they were named the Association of Volleyball Professionals “Team of the Year.” In 2008 this remarkable team brought home the gold for the U.S. at the Beijing Olympics. Together, the team boasts more than 35 career wins, more than any other active U.S. team. Both call California home, and the sand their office.

WHEN: Saturday, September 12 Red Bull Spiked Round Robin Qualifiers: 10:00 AM – 4:00 PM Finals vs. Todd and Phil: 5:00 PM – 7:00 PM

THE LIES MEN TELL

Dennis Hambright www.dennishambright.com

Okay ladies, I know I’m treading on dangerous ground here and risking breaking the ‘guy code’ by giving away our secrets, but this one’s for you. There’s something you need to understand about men. They lie. It all starts way back when we’re toddlers, with something like, “I didn’t eat that cookie,” through puberty with, “I wasn’t trying to look up her skirt,” to the teenage years with, “I don’t know who dented the car,” and then on to the ones grown men use. I’m not talking about big lies like, “I don’t know whose body that is in the trunk of the car,” or “That’s not me on ‘America’s Most Wanted’…it just looks like me.” I’m talking about harmless little white lies. In fact, calling them lies is probably too harsh. Maybe ‘truth misdirections’ is more appropriate. Yeah, that’s a lot better. So you know, when men tell them, it’s usually just to keep the peace and make sure you’re happy. Really, it’s true. I wouldn’t lie to you. (See #5) Here’s some of the more popular ‘truth misdirections’, so maybe if you understand them, and why men use them, we won’t have to anymore. (But we probably will anyway.) 1) I Never Look at Other Women: Any man that says he never looks at another woman should have to wear underwear four sizes too small for six months, for telling such a whopper. All men look. It’s natural, and I don’t care how smoking-hot you might be, a man is still going to look at other beautiful women. If he says he doesn’t look, he’s either gay or lying. So cut him some slack, and know he looks, and don’t make him have to lie about it. And men, don’t be an idiot. Don’t drool on your shirt or give yourself whiplash gawking at other women, when there’s one already with you. 2) Sure I Like Your Friends: No, he doesn’t. Okay, he might like one or two, but definitely not all of them. Generally, it’s a woman’s friends who build an alligator infested moat between a man and his ability to really have fun with the woman he’s involved with. They support her and all her insecurities and suspicions. That’s what friends are supposed to do, and no man is really going to appreciate them for that. 3) I Love Chick-Flicks: Men don’t like chick-flicks. Men like movies with action and uncomplicated plots where things get blown up and men fight and swear and there’s lots of gratuitous nudity. That’s what real men like. They might tolerate a chick-flick to make you happy, and sometimes they might even have to admit, “That wasn’t so bad after all”. But given the choice between ‘The Bridges of Madison County’ and ‘Pulp Fiction’…well, there really isn’t a choice. And if a man says he can’t wait to see a musical with you, watch out! He must have done something really bad and he’s trying to get on your good side before you find out about it. 4) We’re Just Friends: If there’s another good-looking woman that a man is hanging out with on a regular basis, and he tries to tell you, “We’re just friends…I don’t think of her ‘that way’,” and you believe it, then you might as well believe those ads in the back of magazines that say you can make ten grand a week staying home stuffing envelopes; it’s about as likely. Sorry guys, but you know it’s true. I don’t care how plutonic it starts, if a man spends any length of time with a good-looking woman, eventually he’s going to have ‘those thoughts’.

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5) I Promise, I’ll Never Lie Again: Yes, he will. You can just bet that sometime, somewhere, something is going to come up where a little ‘truth misdirection’ will be needed to forestall the dreaded, “We need to talk about this later,” or, “I can’t believe you really did that,” reaction. So come on ladies, don’t get mad about it. After all, we only do it to keep the peace and make you happy. Really. We wouldn’t lie to you about that.

Sept. 9 - 15, 2009 15

Surge Solar Case for the iPod Touch

There is never a shortage of various portable ways to charge the iPhone, mostly due to people being very unhappy with the battery life. However, for those of us using an iPod Touch, it seems like there are far less options. Which is bad for those who are notorious for forgetting to charge their iPod while they’re at home. This Surge case will help out those that are always on the run and always forgetting to plug in their iPod. It’ll make sure you can get a charge no matter where you’re at. It will of course make your iPod quite a bit more bulky, but at least you’ll be powering your iPod in an eco-friendly and portable manner. The best part of this case i s that they were smart enough to make it possible to sync your iPod without worrying about taking the case off. You’ll also get a decent amount of selection when it comes to choosing the color of the case you would like. They have these in green, blue, black and lastly pink. These Surge Cases are retailing for $70 later this month.

Sennheiser Mini Headphones

Earbuds and earphones are of course the most portable way to listen to your music. However, if you’re not fond of that way of listening to your music, you might consider these mini headphones. We always prefer headphones over earbuds, but it seems like headphones break when you toss them in a bag. Making these Sennheiser headphones extremely convenient. They’re a little smaller than the rest and will fold up to make them even more compact. You won’t have to sacrifice your own comfort just to get portability with these. The headphones are said to have clear and natural sound thanks to their powerful transducers with neodymium magnets. The cable itself allows you to control the volume on the cord itself. So far these are in the early stages of production, so there isn’t much more information on them. They will start hitting stores this month, but there’s no word on which ones or how much these will cost once they are being sold.

Handycooler Personal Air Conditioner

Summer might be over for most of us, but those who live in tropical climates that is basically sweltering all year round, the Handycooler Personal Air Conditioner might come in handy especially during the more unbearable moments. It will require a quartet of AA batteries to keep running, so we’d suggest getting rechargeable batteries to go along with this if you want to be environmentally friendly in the long run. Of course, four batteries will bring you around 5 hours of cooling, but you can always opt for USB power whenever your computer or notebook is turned on. The Handycooler Personal Air Conditioner will retail for $39.99 a pop.

Legalize It and I Will Advertise It I am still baffled that the non addictive natural herb with hundred of names and grows around the world, is still criminalized in the land of the free. While most of the real civilized nations have decriminalized or legalized it, our nation is still subjecting her citizens to inhumane treatment in the name of law enforcement. Some call it marijuana, some call it ganja and some call it Nigerian Natural Grass (NNG). Whatever you call it, it is a natural plant that should have never been illegal or criminalized. I would will like to start off by categorically saying that I do not promote nor condone the abuse of any kind of substance but mature people that are truly free should be able to legally purchase and use marijuana at their leisure without the fear of prosecution. We know that judges, doctors and even my lawyer uses it. It’s good for the flu, asthma, reduces pain, boosts sexual appetite and for me, it is the most reliable sleep aid. I wonder if Michael Jackson was aware of this fact. It is often said in my circle that the Disciples of Christ spoke in tongues and understood each other even before statements were completed while under the influence of this “natural herb”. I credit the influence of marijuana for some of my best musical and engineering designs. There is some evidence that most natural grass users have no desire for the legal deadly poison packed cigarette and hard liquor. Who decides what

is legal for “We the People” anyway? Why can’t we have a national referendum to decide its legality? I have often wondered who my lawmaker actually represents. The criminalization of marijuana and the enforcement of the laws against it have led to the never ending assault on our society, leading to human rights violations and a waste of precious resources. Our correctional institutions are populated by petty users and sellers. Millions of tax dollars are wasted on ineffective enforcement. Millions of tax dollars are not collected from the billions of dollars generated annually in sales. Some hypocrites often site some unsubstan-

Tunde Obazee

pointblank@rationalradio.org

tiated reasons to continue to criminalize the possession and use of marijuana, the punishment for possession and/or use of this God given substance is worse than the so-called crime itself. I am looking forward to the day that free Americans, police officers and players of instruments will join the rest of the free world to collectively exercise our legal rights to inhale without the fear of prosecution and incarceration. Just imagine a day in our nation’s history when we all can light up simultaneously to force our law makers to lighten up and respect the will of the people.

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Courtesy: www.gadgetreview.com

By: Sybil Summers

sybilsummers.com

TOP 10 WEIRD (BUT YUMMY) FOOD COMBOS I’ve personally never tried corn with mayo, and I’m not a fan of watermelon with salt, but I do have some unusual food combinations that are pretty tasty. Feel free to borrow these tried and true recipes. 10. Steak & Ketchup: I ordered my steak with ketchup for years until I discovered A-1 sauce. 9. Tuna & Bell Peppers: The peppers add a spicy crunch to the salty tooner. 8. Bacon & Guacamole: Crispy bacon goes well with just about anything. Except cookies. I can’t imagine a bacon chip cookie being all that great. 7. Carrots & Brown Mustard: A tangy, healthy snack. 6. Grilled Cheese & Jalapenos: Jalapenos make just about everything better. 5. Toast & Yogurt: No crusts, of course. 4. Pizza & Italian Dressing: Ranch is okay, but the vinegar-y taste of Italian goes better with the Parmesan cheese. 3. Ice Cream & Jelly: Preserves work best...I guess it’s similar to the fruit topping. 2. Popcorn & Tobasco: I used to eat this for dinner when I was a bartender. 1. Fritos & Lemon Juice: Try it, and you’ll love it. Just remember this list when Fritos comes out with a Lemon/Lime flavor!

Sept. 9 - 15, 2009 17

DOWN 1. Dry, as wine 2. Bigheadedness 3. Make a mistake 4. Lair 5. Originated in 6. Snake sound 7. Countertenor 8. A gas found in some lights 9. Horse of a dull brownish grey color 10. An ore refinery 11. Cheekbone 12. San Antonio fort 13. Like some currents 18. South African monetary unit 22. Directed from the front 23. Impact sound 24. Small African antelope 25. Embankment 26. Radiate 27. The Sun, for example 29. Insect stage 30. Arcade coin 31. Warning 34. A long narrow passage 35. ___ alia 36. Prepare 38. Visage 39. Kiln-dried barley 41. Enfold 42. Carrying boats & supplies overland 43. Website address 44. Logs or timbers fastened together 45. Brown ermine 46. A long-necked wading bird 47. Heart artery 50. 10 cent coin 51. 500 sheets of paper 52. Ancient Peruvian 55. Hurry on foot 56. Black gunk 57. Nigerian tribesman 58. Not young 59. Born

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Blitz Weekly Funnies for the Week Q. What do you call a smart blonde? A. A golden retriever. Q: What do they call “Hee Haw” in Arkansas? A: Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous. Q: How do crazy people go through the forest? A: They take the psycho path. Q: How do you know if you’re at a gay picnic? A: All of the hot dogs taste like crap.

A blind man walks into a bar with his seeing-eye dog. He stands in the center of the bar, takes the dog by the chain, and starts swinging him above his head. Everyone stops and stares. Upset about the way the animal is being treated, a patron runs up to the blind man and demands, “What the hell are you doing?” The blind man turns toward the patron and says, “Oh, nothing, just looking around.”

Horrorscopes

Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22)

Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)

Taurus (Apr. 20 - May 20)

The capital of you is your heart - never forget that. When asked if you’re OK, you may feel tempted to respond with physical violence.

You are conservative and are afraid of taking risks. You are basically spineless. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. Become a monk.

Your friends will call you Jumbo. It’s all one big crap chute anyhoo. It’s called a lunch buffet, not an all day buffet. Try to leave some room for dessert big guy!

Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 22)

Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)

Gemini (May 21 - Jan. 21)

If you are male, you’re probably queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil. Most Libra women are whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.

You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a jerk.

You have a great social life as a Scout Master. Try not to take advantage of the “Webelos” and the boys pants half off sale this weekend.

Scorpio (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21)

Pisces (Feb. 19 - Mat. 20)

Cancer (Jun. 22 – Jul. 22)

The worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You are a perfect S.O.B.. Most Scorpios are murdered. Your days are numbered.

You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You lack confidence and are a general loser.

All this week you are set for uncontrollable setbacks to all your plans. There’s nothing you can do, so you might as well start being awful to people you suspect might cause your setbacks.

Sagittarius(Nov. 22 - Dec. 21)

Aries (Mar. 21 - Apr 19)

Leo (Jul. 23 - Aug. 22)

You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarius’ are drunks. You are not worth the time of day.

Exercise may seem like a dirty word, so lose some weight fatty. Cysts are a sign of overworking. Relax whilst a loved one lances your soppiest boils.

You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you’re an idiot. You’re vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Leo people are thieving sods and spend most of their lives kissing mirrors.

blitzweekly.com

ACROSS 1. Beginnings of plants 6. Rounds of applause 11. Welcome ___ 14. Everglades bird 15. Part of the small intestine 16. Famous boxer 17. The first stone laid in a foundation 19. Young boy 20. A craftsman who works with stone 21. Andean animal 23. Dignified and somber 27. Steroid alcohol 28. Intended 32. Enraged 33. Back tooth 34. What we breathe 37. Assist 38. Phony 39. Not yours 40. Neckwear 41. Keen 42. Noodles 43. Ungoverned 45. Rare 48. Blood vessel 49. Fairy tale character 50. Float 53. Paddle 54. Positioning 60. Picnic insect 61. Poison plant 62. American actor Clark _____ 63. Orange pekoe or Earl Grey 64. Bowel cleasing 65. Wear away

blitzweekly.com

18 Sept. 9 - 15, 2009

by: Pat Moran

“Man On His Throne”

pmoran@gmail.com

Where is my Effing Jet Pack!

It’s 2009. More aptly, it’s September of 2009 and the year isn’t getting any younger and neither are we. For years and years the 2000’s were considered to be the penultimate “decade of the future!”. And here we are. We are living in the “future”. And I, myself, want my money back. I want it all back. How many times were we inundated with “The Jetson’s” version of the future, with space age buildings and sassy robot maids? Look around and you will see no robots, aliens or cures for death. There are no anti-gravity boots, no laser guns, no moon colonies and absolutely no sense of “oh crap! Isn’t the future awesome?”. In fact, it is not awesome. Not awesome at all. Don’t get me wrong, I love my life. But I want what was promised to me! What was supposed to have been given to us. The space race lead to some amazing feats for humanity. I mean, we put people on the moon! But

why did we stop there? Why did we not put everyone else on there too? I think we are lazy. I think we are wasting our future. But what I really want to know is where the hell is my “Jet” pack! Every morning I drive to work, stuck in a creakily slow commute stuck behind some idiot driving 20 miles too slow and in front of some fool trying to drive 40 miles too fast. If I had my “Jet” pack, I could happily show the fool and idiot which finger I thought they should see and fly off to my job in space and hang out with some robots. If I had all that was promised as our future, things would be a lot better. Thanks a lot, future. Way to be a let down. I’m going to start hanging out with “the past” because at least you can count on it repeating itself.

Crossword Solution

CHAR BAR 2026 GREENVILLE AVE. DALLAS, TEXAS 214 - 826 - 8800 OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK GREAT BURGERS AND STEAKS

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*Ask your Hooters Girl for details. For a limited time. Not available with any other promotional offer or discount. Carry out not available on Wednesday.

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