Religious Fanatic Reportedly Behind Hijacking
BLITZ News Shorts 3 Hollywood Profile / Movie Reviews 4 Meet Scott McCurry 5 TCU / SMU / UNT Previews 6 Oregon Running Back Trouble 7 Restaurant Review: Bella 8 COVER STORY: Cowboys Week 2 Preview 9 8th Wonder of the World 10-11 BLITZ BABE: Lindsay 12 Is Online Dating For You 13 UFC 103 in Dallas 14 BLITZ Toys 15 Top 10 Manliest Chicks 16 Crossword / Jokes / Horrorscopes 17 Last Call: Art of Double Parking 18 PUBLISHER / EDITOR Kelly Reed CREATIVE DIRECTOR / WEBSITE / GRAPHIC DESIGN Damien William Mayfield SPECIAL THANKS TO: The Dallas Cowboys COVER: Damien William Mayfield and Yu-Ping Chen PHOTOGRAPHERS Ronnie Baker, Darryl Briggs, Steven Hendrix, Matt Pearce, Brandon Uhr CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHERS Yu-Ping Chen, Jason Ryan, Jon Scott CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Joe Avezzano, Brian Beard, Jack Chetly, Matt Cordon, Vivian Fullerlove, Robin George, Dennis Hambright, Richard Hunter, Frank LaCosta, Pat Moran, Richard Pollak, Jason Ryan, Craig Smith, Sybil Summers, Eddie Stephens and Jesse Whitman ADVERTISING SALES MANAGER Kelly G. Reed SALES REPRESENTATIVES Johnny Horton, Patrick Marshall CONTACT US MAIN NUMBER 972-663-9339 FAX NUMBER 972-960-8618 kreed@blitzweekly.com BLITZ Weekly P.O. Box 295293, Lewisville, TX 75029
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QUOTE OF THE WEEK “Football is an incredible game. Sometimes it’s so incredible, it’s unbelievable.” -- Tom Landry (1924-2000)
A Bolivian religious fanatic briefly hijacked a jetliner from the beach resort of Cancun as it landed in Mexico City on Wednesday, police said. All passengers and the crew were released unharmed. The Bible-carrying hijacker used a juice can he said was a bomb to hold the 103 passengers and crew on the tarmac for more than an hour. Masked police stormed the aircraft with guns drawn and escorted several handcuffed men away without firing a shot. Police later said there was only one hijacker, and the other men aboard were detained because the suspect had told a flight attendant he had three accomplices. The others were quickly
released. Jose Flores, 44, later told police his three companions were “the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost.” Flores hijacked Aeromexico Flight 576 after a divine revelation, according to Public Safety Secretary Genaro Garcia Luna. Flores said Wednesday’s date — 9-9-09 — is the satanic number 666 turned upside down. Flores, speaking to reporters after he was detained, said he took control of the aircraft with “a juice can ... with some little lights I attached.” “Christ is coming soon,” he added, smiling. As the plane was landing, Flores stood
up and showed his contraption to a flight attendant, Garcia Luna said. He ordered the pilot to circle over Mexico City seven times and asked to speak with Mexican President Felipe Calderon, saying he wanted to warn him of an impending earthquake, Garcia Luna said. His wife, Elizabeth Melgar, told W Radio that Flores “always told me that he was looking for a way to attract the attention of the media ... he always told me that he was waiting for a signal from God to do something. “Don’t worry if they put me in jail,” Melgar quoted him as saying. “(It will be) glory to God.”
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VOL. 2 - ISSUE 4
Sept. 16 - 22, 2009 3
Man Allegedly Flings Robbery Suspect Jellyfish at Teens Asked Victim Out
UPS is Champion Parking Violator
A 41-year-old man was arrested on Monday at at Madeira Beach after witnesses said he repeatedly pretended to drown, then allegedly began tossing jellyfish at nearby teenagers. According to a sheriff’s office report, Keith Edward Marriott caused “concern for his safety” when he repeatedly submerged himself and floated back to the top of the water. He was also “loud and disruptive.” He then started throwing the sea creatures. Marriott was arrested and charged with disorderly intoxication and carrying a concealed weapon. According to the St. Petersburg Times, Marriott was carrying a pocketknife in his shorts. Jail records indicate that Marriott was being held on $250 bond. A message left after-hours at the public defender’s office was not immediately returned late Tuesday night.
A single UPS delivery trucks the champion of Denver parking violations, racking up 196 tickets worth nearly $5,700 last year. The Denver Post reported the dubious achievement Wednesday. UPS spokesman Mark Dickens says parking tickets are a cost of doing business in some cities. The newspaper says parking tickets are on the upswing in Denver and are on pace to hit 670,000. That would be 14 percent higher than last year and the most since Mayor John Hickenlooper took office in 2003 after making parking tickets a campaign issue. City officials say they’re not trying to drive up revenue. They say the increase is caused by more residential parking zones, more parking agents, replacement of faded no-parking signs and population growth.
Ohio police said a suspect in a robbery was arrested when he returned to the home about two hours later to ask the victim out on a date. Police say 20-year-old Stephfon Bennett of Columbus was among three men who robbed a couple late Sunday. Columbus police Sgt. Sean Laird said the woman recognized Bennett as one of the robbers when he returned to ask her out. She had a relative call 911. Police said Bennett was arrested in front of the home. He was arraigned Tuesday on a charge of aggravated robbery and was being held in the Franklin County jail on $100,000 bail. A public defender had not yet been assigned to Bennett’s case.
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4 Sept. 16 - 22, 2009
HOLLYWOOD PROFILE BLITZREVIEWS with Elijah Wood
Wa s t i n g o u r m o n ey s o yo u d o n ’t h a ve t o !
Vivian Fullerlove
“Entertainment’s Real Critic”
Can I just start by saying that it is so refreshing to see a child star turned adult actor who turned out normal. Huge applause to Elijah Wood for managing to not become weird, hooked on crack or being involved in some scandalous E! True Hollywood crime story. He has gone from The Good Son to The Lord of the Rings and made it all look, not to overuse the word, like the normal progression of a very successful career. We caught up with Wood to talk about his new animated feature 9 which is being hailed as visually stunning and original by critics. 9 takes place in the too-near future. Powered and enabled by the invention known as the Great Machine, the world’s machines have turned on mankind and sparked social unrest, decimating the human population before being largely shut down. But as the world fell to pieces, a mission began to salvage the legacy of civilization; a group of small creations was given the spark of life by a scientist in the final days of humanity, and they continue to exist post-apocalypse. With their group so few, these “stitchpunk” creations must summon individual strengths well beyond their own proportions in order to outwit and fight against still-functioning machines, one of which is a marauding mechanized beast.
Not Worth Playing!
Gamer takes place in the not to distant future where online reality has become more of an obsession than a pastime. The newest game is called “Slayers” and is broadcast on TV for the world to see. Human players control the “icons” (game characters) via a direct mind link. These game characters are volunteer death row inmates who have been promised that if they survive 30 missions they’ll be released unconditionally. Gerard Butler’s character Kable is almost there. He wants to survive so that he can be reunited with his wife and daughter. Enter the resistance lead by Ludacris who plan on destroying the game and staving off the enslavement of society. Slayers creator Ken Castle (Michael C. Hall) catches wind of this and tries to rid these pests. All in all, poor story, poor acting and a waste of time. Game over.
PICK OF THE WEEK
Tell me about your character and how he got his name. 9 is the story of nine ragdolls in a post apocalyptic world that has been decimated by what they come to find out are machines essentially. That discovery is made by a character called 9. He’s called that because he’s the last of the ragdolls to have been created. You kind of go on a journey with these characters who discover what these giant machines are and why it is that they are trying to attack them. Underneath all of that, they unravel the truth about their existence as well as the truth about the machines themselves. There’s been a lot of talk about the “look” of the film. What makes this film so visually different from other animated features? I think the look of the film is very unique. I think that’s one of the things that attracted me to the project in the first place was Shane’s [director Shane Acker] art design and ultimately his short film which was his college thesis. I was so struck by the style. It was unlike any animated film that I’ve seen. I’m quite a big fan of animation, and typically family animated films and animated films in general that come out, not necessarily that they all have a similar look, but, they don’t necessarily go to some of the depths or maybe some of the darker aspects that this film does. I just find it incredibly unique. I think it’s beautiful, it’s dark, and the characters are unlike any characters I’ve ever seen before. I know it can take years for an animated film to be completed, and the actors just have to wait to see how it turned out since all of your “acting” is done behind a microphone. What was your reaction when you saw the finished product? I was so blown away by some of the action in the film, and kind of how scared and present I was in the midst of some of those sequences that are really quite visceral and exciting. So, it’s not like anything I’ve really seen in quite some time. What can audiences look forward to when they go to see 9? It very much is sort of set apart from the typical animated film that comes out. The material is darker. I think it’s a little bit more mature. It definitely deals with more dark and scary themes, but there is some incredible action set pieces. 9 is playing in theaters nationwide. The film is rated PG 13 for violence and scary images. For more of the week’s new releases and your favorite celebs, check out my show Reel Critics on Time Warner Cable Video on Demand under the North Texas programming tab!
The film is based on a novel by Stephen King set in 2017 after the world has gone to hell in a hand basket. The government controls everything including television. The most popular show is called The Running Man which is produced in conjunction with the Department of Justice. Criminals try to survive while being pursued by a gang of colorful, murderous hunters over 400 city blocks. Ben Richards (Arnold Schwarzeneggar) a wrongly imprisoned military officer is thrown into the game with three other resistance members. Specials kudos go to eye candy Maria Conchita Alonso for looking incredibly hot while wearing shoulder pads! Full of great one liners, a decent plot and nice special effects make this a classic.
Sept. 16 - 22, 2009 5
Photos by: Jason Ryan Photography
Meet Scott McCurry Jason Ryan and Jack Chetly jasonryanphotography@gmail.com
Apples in Stereo, The Kinks, Granddaddy, Pavement, Love and the Flying Burrito Brothers... not to mention James Brown and Brazilian music from the 60’s. Q: When did you get started in music?
A: Scott: I started playing in 5th grade, and eventually formed a band in high school called The Koozies.
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“Alternative meets R&B, with influences from the 70’s and 80’s”. This is how the Scott McCurry band describe themselves. After listening to an evening of the band’s music, it’s hard to dispute this claim. An interesting combination of old school riffs and modern beats, they brought a unique sound to the House of Blues in downtown Dallas August 22nd. To support their forth, and latest album “Go On & Do Your Thing”, the band was in high spirits and made a real connection with the audience. When asked a few questions about the band and their influences, they were quick to point out favorites including the Beatles, Elliott Smith, Wilco, The Beach Boys, Buddy Holly, Velvet Underground,
Q: So what are you up to these days?
A: We’ve been touring in support of our latest album, spanning Texas and its bordering states: Oklahoma, Louisiana and Arkansas. Q: Do you write all your own lyrics?
A: Yes, I write the music and the lyrics for all of our songs.
MUSIC: Scott McCurry 1. Arizona
Scott McCurry
2. Mercenary Q: What plans do you and the band have for the future?
A: We want to play our latest songs for our fans before going back to the studio. We hope to release our fifth album in the spring of 2010. Scott’s bass player, known as “Q” (aka Keith Smith) says “I wasn’t sure I wanted to do this, but the new album is Slammin”! Q’s Detroit Motown roots really shine through in these songs and add a funky, jazzy style that adds a unique quality to the sound. And if that wasn’t enough, “Dwan Cribbs” joined the band for a couple of numbers that added a hiphop flavor to their diverse offerings. If you couldn’t find something that turned you on in Saturday night’s repertoire… you weren’t listening close enough!
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6 Sept. 16 - 22, 2009
North Texas #4 Alabama
SMU vs. Washington St.
Texas State #15 TCU
Sat. Sept. 19th: 11:20am - ESPN Game Plan @ Bryant-Denny Stadium
Sat. Sept. 19th: 4pm @ Martin Staduim
Sat. Sept. 19th: 6pm @ Amon Carter Stadium
Sat. Sept. 19th: 7pm - ABC @ Darrell K Royal-Texas Memorial Stadium
The Mean Green suffered a heartbreaking double OT loss against Ohio 31-30. Ohio went for a two point conversion after a penalty on the TD in the second OT which proved to be the game winner. UNT was trying to start 2-0 for first time since 1994. Riley Dodge had to come out of the game after injuring his shoulder. Cam Montgomery finished with 88 yards and 2 TD’s. The UNT defense had 4 sacks after only having 12 in all of 2008. After showing a lot of positives in first two games they now must travel to #4 Alabama for what will probably be a one sided game. The Crimson Tide are coming off a 40-14 win over Florida Atlantic. Greg McElroy the quarterback for Alabama played for UNT coach Todd Dodge while at Southlake Carroll where they won the Texas State Championship in 2005. UNT will have a tough time containing sophomore receiver Julio Jones who had 58 catches for 924 yards as a freshman in the SEC.
Last season June Jones and the SMU Mustangs had only one victory. They are now undefeated after the first two games of the 2009 season. Who is this Bo Levi Mitchell kid? Is this the same quarterback who threw 23 interceptions last year. He passed for 353 yards and 3 touchdowns against UAB this past weekend. SMU had a 28-7 lead in the 2nd quarter, but withstood a late UAB rally. The ended up winning 3533. They will now face the Washington St. Cougars, who are 0-2. SMU could possibly be tested this week since they are playing a PAC-10 team. SMU seems to have lots of good chemistry so far especially between Mitchell and his receivers Cole Beasley and Emmanuel Sanders. Both receivers caught a touchdown pass from Mitchell in the win against UAB. Good things could be happening for SMU this year. The June Jones 3-4 defensive scheme that he used at Hawaii, could possibly be working. Only time will tell if SMU is bowl worthy.
The Horned Frogs are off to a good start beating Virgina 30-14 in their season opener. Quarterback Andy Dalton threw for 177 yards on 15-21 passing. They scored every time they were in the red zone. Look for him to get the ball to Bart Johnson and Curtis Clay. Senior Joseph Turner is the featured back. The TCU defense held the Cavaliers to only 7 first downs and 177 yards of total offense. They were never inside the TCU 20. Their up and coming opponent Texas State will most likely take the same beating. TCU has a strong defense and Andy Dalton is a fun guy to watch. The Bobcats come in 1-0 on the season and had their way with Angelo State at home. They are led by QB Bradley George who passed for 328 yards and 3 TDs. WR Da’Marcus Griggs had 5 receptions for 64 yards and a TD in the victory. RB Alvin Canady had 13 carries for 34 yards. TCU will dominate in their home opener.
The Red Raiders visit Austin this week along with the College GameDay Crew. The team is 2-0 after dismantling the Fighting Sioux of North Dakota and Rice. In the game against Rice, QB Taylor Potts threw seven touchdowns for 456 yards and no interceptions. Tramain Swindall had 6 receptions for 123 yards and 2 TDs while Lyle Leong caught 9 passes for 117 yards and 3 TDs. The defense has yet to be tested and for the offense it’ll be interesting to see how they adapt to the Texas secondary. The Longhorns on the other hand, had an easy win against Louisiana Monroe and apparently were in a state of shock as a result of the low 50’s temperature in Laramie, WY. The offense didn’t get going until the end of the first half. Colt McCoy has 5 TDs for the season for 654 yards. His favorite target is roommate Jordan Shipley. The Longhorns are lucky to get the Red Raiders early in the season and should win the game.
vs.
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Texas Tech #2 Texas
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Sept. 16 - 22, 2009 7
The first Thursday night of college football was filled with fireworks. The late night game pitted #16 Oregon vs #14 Boise State. Once again the Oregon Ducks were wearing another outlandish jersey and of course we were subjected to that hideous blue field at Boise State. The game ended in a 19-8 win for Boise State but the drama was just beginning. As the two teams ran onto the field to shake hands, Byron Hout of Boise State got a little too excited and slapped the shoulder pads of an Oregon player and yelled something at him while his own coach tried to pull him back. The Oregon player was Senior LaGarrette Blount a 6’2” and 240 pound running back who took exception to the taunting. Blount threw a sucker punch to the jaw of a surprised Hout which knocked him to his knees. The tirade didn’t end there for Blount. On the way to the locker room he was being yelled at by fans and had to be restrained by police from going into the stands after them.
Sportsologist - Craig Smith
A day after the season started, Blount’s college football career came to an abrupt end. He was suspended for the entire season including bowl games. The only chance for him to play is if he decides to transfer to a Division II or III school. The kid had a promising future in football after rushing for 1,002 yards and scoring 17 touchdowns as a junior. He was rated by some as a second round pick for the 2010 NFL Draft. That sucker punch will probably cost him a bunch of money. There is no doubt his draft stock just dropped big time. What he does from here is anyone’s guess. He is allowed to keep his scholarship and practice with the team. If he is smart he will do the right things to ensure his chances of making it to the next level. He must show up to practice on time, practice hard, stay in shape, obey the rules, and stay current with school work. Teams are taking less chances these days on big attitudes. I am quite sure he wants to play in the NFL and he can, if he makes good decisions. Pro scouts will be keeping on eye on him.
Possible Cowboy Career Stat Accomplishments in 2009
by: Matt Cordon - www.mvn.com
Marion Barber With 3,052 yards on 715 carries, Barber currently ranks ninth in team history in rushing yards and attempts. His 36 career TDs is fifth in team history. He will likely be higher on both lists during 2009. Barber is tied for tenth for career touchdowns with Billy Joe Dupree and Dan Reeves. With only four touchdowns in 2009, Barber will jump all the way to eighth. DeMarcus Ware Ware has already passed the likes of Randy White and Harvey Martin in official stats, though to be fair to those players, the league did not calculate sacks officially until 1982. Ware will likely pass Too Tall Jones and Tony Tolbert in official sacks in 2009. Terence Newman Newman’s 20 interceptions ranks 13th in team history, just one behind Mike Gaetcher. Newman could rise as high as ninth on the list by picking off just five passes in 2009.
OPEN DAILY 6am-11pm
Jason Witten Witten ranks fifth in career receptions (429) and sixth in receiving yards (4,935). His 25 career TDs only ranks tenth, however. With 61 receptions in 2009, Witten will jump all the way up to second in team history, trailing only Michael Irvin. He will also likely surpass Frank Clarke in receiving yards. Witten currently trails Clarke by 279 yards.
Photo by: Ronnie Baker
Tony Romo Romo is currently fifth in most of the main career passing categories. In three years as a starter, he has completed 831 of 1307 passes for 10,562 yards with 81 TDs and 46 interceptions. His career passer rating of 94.7 is the best in team history as of right now. Romo isn’t likely catch Aikman, Staubach, White, or Meredith in any category in 2009, except for the possibility of surpassing Meredith for career completions. Meredith completed 1170, which is 339 more than Romo. Romo completed 335 passes in 2007, so it is possible for him to reach this number. However, with the offensive changes in 2009, it is not likely.
Photo by: Ronnie Baker
In 2009, a few of the Cowboys will have opportunities to move up in the career rankings in franchise history. Here is a look:
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Oregon Running Back’s NFL Career in Jeopardy
Nick Folk Folk’s 86.8% field goal percentage is second in team history, trailing only Chris Boniol’s percentage of 87.1. Folk’s 46 field goals ranks seventh in team history, trailing Billy Cundiff by 14 field goals.
Georgia Tech vs. (20)Miami (14)
Thursday, Sep 17 – 6:30pm - Dolphin Stadium - ESPN
The “U” is back in the spotlight Thursday night hosting the Yellow Jackets. Both teams are undefeated. Georgia Tech likes the triple option. The Canes are getting their swagger back and Jacory Harris is something special. Lots of offense in this one!
New Orleans vs. Philadelphia
Sunday, Sep 20 – Noon - Lincoln Financial Field – FOX
Drew Brees and his high octane offense are up against the Eagles. They will have their hands full with the ferocious Eagles D. Will McNabb be able to play? Can Westbrook carry the team?
WEEK 1 Sun., Sept. 20 @ Kansas City @ Tennessee New England @ Green Bay Minnesota @ Philadelphia @ Atlanta @ Washington @ Jacksonville @ San Francisco @ Buffalo @ Denver @ San Diego Pittsburgh @ Dallas
LINES
LINE -3 -7 -5.5 -9 -9.5 -1.5 -6 -10 -3.5 -1.5 -4.5 -3 -3 -3 -3
OPPONENT Oakland Houston @ NY Jets Cincinnati At Detroit New Orleans Carolina St. Louis Arizona Seattle Tampa Bay Cleveland Baltimore @ Chicago NY Giants
TIME Noon Noon Noon Noon Noon Noon Noon Noon Noon 3:05PM 3:05PM 3:15PM 3:15PM 3:15PM 7:20PM
Mon., Sept. 21 LINE Indianapolis -3
OPPONENT @ Miami
TIME 7:35PM
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8 Sept. 16 - 22, 2009 blitzweekly.com
FOOD REVIEW
by: Richard S. Pollak
“The Traveling Gourmet”
The Pick of the Week:
For the uninitiated, Bella is the modern, chic place to be. It has a neighborhood feel to it, but what separates it from the rest is the attention to detail and a personal touch. Chef Christopher Short has a quarter of a century of experience to back him up. The diverse menu is top notch and you’ll be going back for return visits. The cuisine is that good!
The Cuisine
Watch Your Favorite
COLLEGE TEAM HERE GIANTS vs. COWBOYS Sunday - 7:20pm
BEER & DRINK SPECIALS Sat. Sept. 19 - 9pm Triple Lindy Sun.-Tues. Texas Hold’em Wednesday $3 U-Call-Its & DJ Clo Thursday Karaoke
601 Cross Timbers #108 Flower Mound 972-539-1717 www.pointafternorth.com
Crisp Asian Shrimp with Jalapenos in a fresh Ginger & Lime butter sauce atop a Fresh Caesar Salad is not Italian according to Chef Boyardee! Neither are the Shredded Beef Stogie Spring Rolls in Plum Sauce with Mango Slaw nor the Shrimp Gazpacho but who says you can’t have it and still be called Italian? Bella Bar & Restaurant has gone where many other restaurants located in the same spot at Howell Street across from the Quadrangle in Uptown have failed before them. However, they have the style, the ambiance and the dinner friendly menu to succeed where the lunch driven chained restaurants before them like Tin Star and Mooyah Hamburgers have failed. Parking had always been a challenge for previous tenants but with the after work, dinner driven, dollar price point menu, Bella is easily going to be ranked as one of the 2 or 3 top new restaurants in DFW this year. With a choice of 8 soups & sandwiches priced between $7 for the Mushroom Reggiano to a $12 for a Short Rib Grinder, you can tell why they call themselves “Bar” first. There are 8 dinner sized salads that are also priced between $6 for the Spinach to only $19 for the Tenderloin Kabob Salads. With prices like this, you can enjoy 2 glasses of wine from their heavily Californian Select Driven Wine menu. While there were only 3 Italian Chianti’s, it was still nice to find all of their wine by the glass for only $8-$9. Brunch boasts Short Rib Eggs Benedict, Banana Foster French Toast and a Smoked Salmon Bagel Sandwich with a $9 Bottomless Mimosa & 2 for 1 Bloody Marys.
A Song & Dance
Mama Leone would be singing “O SOLE MIO” for the Chicken Cacciatore, surprisingly still stewed but boneless; on an island of soft polenta and a Crabmeat Angel Hair Pasta Pomodoro. Mama Mia would be dancing with dinner selections like Braised Beef Short Ribs, Grilled Ahi Tuna and Filets or a Ribeye Steak. While difficult trying to find the right category for Bella: Bar? Restaurant? Italian? American? It is not going to be difficult to enjoy it! Bella Bar & Restaurant • 2626 Howell Street – Dallas • 214-855-5001 • www.belladallas.com
Sept. 16 - 22, 2009 9
by: Joe Avezzano
I thought there were five plays or situations that were the difference in the game. 1. In the 1st quarter with Dallas in front 3-0 Tampa Bay lined up for the tying field goal and it was blocked by Gerald Sensabaugh. 2. In the 2nd quarter Tampa Bay was in front 7-6 and Romo hit Miles Austin with a TD pass to go ahead 13-7. 3. In the 3rd quarter Williams catches and runs 68 yards for a TD to go in front 20-7. 4. In the 4th quarter with Dallas clinging to a 20-14 lead Romo hits Patrick Crayton for an 80 yard score to put the game away. 5. The kicking game contributed greatly to field position as there were three touchbacks on this day and that hadn’t been done in many, many years.
Romo threw for a career high 353 yds and 3 scores and no turnovers. There were only 4 penalties and the Cowboys won the opener on the road. All good things to be happy about. Before you get all giddy, know that on a couple of those big passes there were busted coverage’s by Tampa Bay and that Tampa Bay gashed Dallas’ defense in the first half. In the second half when Tampa Bay had to throw, Dallas applied pressure to the Bucs and had the game under control. Will they have to play better next week? I don’t know about better but they will be playing a better team in the NY football Giants! A fun time should be had by all. I’m guessing 100,000 people in an indoor facility should give the Cowboys a definite home field advantage. If the Cowboys don’t play better run defense, then big man Brandon Jenkins will gash them consistently. If they don’t protect Tony Romo they won’t have good production. But if they don’t run the ball respectfully versus the Giants, then there will be pressure. It will be a game for the brave. Those timid souls need not apply. This team is 1-0. Good start! Coach Joe can be heard on KHYI 95.3 on Tuesday nights 7-9pm and on ESPN radio. Come by and say hello at Hat Tricks Sports Bar and Grill in Lewisville. Your home to great sports and great music.
It’s the first regular season game in the new stadium and you want to take your girl. We’ll I did a little bit of research and since my budget is on the Blitz Weekly’s dime, here’s a list of what I plan to spend. I am still waiting on my reimbursement check. They said that it’s in the mail…and if only I could find a date! Tickets:
via EBAY $510.00
Parking:
Free!
Section 414 (40 yard line) Row 20 Seats 3 & 4
They threw in a Lot A parking pass (sweet!)
Jerseys:
Authentic Tony Romo Jersey for me Pink Tony Romo Replica Jersey for her
$210.00 $70.00
Eats & Drinks: 2 Dry Aged Beef Sandwiches $28.00 2 Bags of Miss Vickie’s Jalapeno Chips $6.00 4 Draft Beers for the night $36.00 Total Bill:
$860.00
Experience – Priceless!
“I never saw (Tony Romo) go snatch somebody up, and say, ‘Hey, we can’t win like this. We can’t have guys jumping offsides. I can’t have this guy coming at me unabated. Who is making the mistakes up front? Why aren’t you picking this guy up? This is not going down this way. If you can’t get your job done, get off the football field,” Emmitt Smith said to listeners on Sirius.
by: Diesel
Photo by: Ronn ie Baker
www.mvn.com
On Sirius radio, Emmitt Smith became the second Cowboy to challenge Tony Romo’s toughness, when he told listeners that he thought Romo and Wade Phillips were too soft. The Dallas Cowboys haven’t really been “America’s Team” the past few years. Their uniforms are still shiny with the pretty star and Tony Romo is still getting hot girlfriends but lets be honest here... I’m not afraid of the Cowboys. I don’t think the Cowboys have posed a threat since Tony Romo or “Softee” (one of the many/slightly toned down nicknames I’ve given him) has taken over the team. It’s about time! Between Mr. Romo and Wade Phillips the Cowboys have the softest leadership in the NFL. You think of the 2009 Cowboys you don’t think of badass Troy Aikman, Jay Novachek, Darryl Johnston. Instead you think of an overrated team that can’t win a big game. This is a direct result of poor leadership.
“So when … you say things are going to change, and you’ve never been that dominant personality or in that leadership position then, as a player, you lose me,”and “… I’m sitting there saying, ‘OK, now you’re going to become a leader?’ What happened when we got knocked out both times?” Emmitt went as far as to say that coach Wade Phillips was too friendly with his players always trying to “make friends”. Emmitt thinks the same as me, it’s my way or the highway no friends all business. Look how well this approach has worked for Bill Belichick. I’m telling you with Wade Phillips and Tony Romo you won’t be seeing the Dallas Cowboys crowned any time soon. They’re just way too soft. The only real star the Cowboys have that would fit in with the 1992 Cowboys is Jason Witten, I love that guy. Get me a leader, get me Phillip Rivers and Bill Cowher, then we’re talking.
My advice to Romo: Start eating nails for breakfast and washing it down with motor oil. Don’t drive your Bentley to the field, ride a horse or a huge lifted Ford pick-up. You need to get some balls to be the Dallas Cowboys QB. As for your girlfriend DUMP HER, I don’t care who you’re with right now, DUMP HER. You need to gain the respect of your team, maybe spend some more time with Emmitt.
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T
he Cowboys accomplished what they set out to do on Sunday in Tampa Bay and that was to leave there 1-0. They won the game 34-21 and will have a good plane ride home. Was it a perfect game? No! Were there some things to be happy about? Yes! Will they have to execute some aspects of the game better against a better opponent? Yes!
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10 Sept. 16 - 22, 2009 Produced by Mitsubishi Electric Diamond Vision™, each of the four sides of the center-hung LED display is the world’s largest: 72’ high by 160’ wide equaling 11,520 square feet per side or 23,040 square feet of sideline displays. It would take 4,920 52” flat panel TVs to equal the size. Each side consists of the first true 1080 HD display in an NFL stadium- 1080 true pixels in height at 20mm spacing and capable of displaying HDTV at 1920 x 1080 [16:9] resolution. Each display contains over 10.5 million Light Emitting Diodes’ (LED’s) using Mitsubishi’s 10mm quad pixel pattern technology. The LED’s are contained within 5,168 individual lighting units or panels per side or 10,336 total. The video board uses 30 million light bulbs.
The stadium is 3 million square feet containing 104 cubic feet of volume Stadium Length: 900 feet from one end zone retractable wall to the opposite end zone retractable wall
To hold the video board in place, a 72-foot tall steel structure was created that contains a 10-level network of catwalks. Three-inch diameter steel cables grip each end of the video board and are tethered to the stadium’s large steel box truss arches. The center-hung structure is also designed to support a 90,000 pound basketball arena style scoreboard hung from below when needed for other events.
• Roof and Roof Structure – At 660,800 square feet, the stadium’s roof is one of the largest domed sports structures in the world – Soaring 292 feet above the playing field, • Arches soar 292 feet above playing field the two monumental arches support the – Each boxed arch is 17 ft. wide & 35 ft. deep retractable roof – the world’s longest single- – Each arch weighs 3,255 tons span roof structure – Each arch spans quarter-mile in length – Encompasses 104 million cubic feet – Top of steel at the highpoint of the main of volume arched trusses is 292 feet above the playing – Opening 410 feet long by 256 feet wide field encompassing 105,000 square feet • Retractable end zone doors – Each panel weighs 1.68 million pounds – The 180-foot-wide by 120-foot-high operable – The travel distance of each panel is 215 feet glass doors, located at each end of the – Consists of 14,100 tons of structural steel stadium, are the largest operable glass doors (which is equivalent to the weight of 92 Boeing 777s) in the world – Opens or closes in 12 minutes – Five 38-foot panels take 18 minutes to open or close Exterior Façade: Canted 800-foot glass wall exterior slopes at 14degree angle 86-foot-high glazing (glass) system
Site: The Cowboys Stadium site covers 73 total acres; the overall site encompasses 140 total acres
The video board weighs 1.2 million pounds and the video screens span 25,670 square feet. The overall weight of the video board structure is more than 3.5 percent of the total roof weight.
Materials: Non-operable operable pie The arch trus strength grad
The structural W14x730 (1 foot)- the hea
Number of b Total length o Gallons of pr Gallons of fi
The final keys section is 56
l steel’s wide flange sizes are up to 14 inches in depth and 730 lbs. per aviest shape rolled in the world
bolts in arch spans: 50,000 of welding in arch spans: 165,000 feet rimer paint: 2,000 inish paint: 2,000
stone piece of the arch truss planar feet long and weighs 110,000 lbs.
Cowboys Stadium is the largest, most technologically advanced entertainment venue in the world Designed by HKS and built by Manhattan Construction, the $1.1 billion stadium features two monumental arches, the world’s largest HDTV video board, an expansive retractable roof and the largest retractable end zone doors in the world Seat Capacity: 80,000 and expandable to 100,000 Seating Options: 15,000 club seats 300 luxury suites Amenities: 1,100 concession points of sale (POS) Dallas Cowboys Team Store 1,600 toilets More than 3,000 digital displays Eight premium clubs and 23 lounges Open end zone viewing platforms
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e pieces - steel with PVC membrane eces – teflon coated fiberglass fabric ss is fabricated from special highde 65 steel imported from Luxembourg
Sept. 16 - 22, 2009 11
Sept. 16 - 22, 2009 13 “A Woman’s Perspective”
M
Is Online Dating Right for you? Take this quiz and find out.
ost people who date online have something quirky about them, which can conveniently be concealed on cyberspace. They may have a face for radio or a poor personality in person, and with this open forum of like-minded people convening for love or a connection, you may be dealing with a community of socially dysfunctional people hiding behind a fake profile. Some people join just for the entertainment of it, but others often become tired of looking at profile after profile of nerdy, anti-social types hiding behind a series of Glamour Shots. But maybe you’re too busy to date and have a need to reach out and see what’s out there. Some have found their true loves online and are now making wedding plans, while others have been bombarded by aggressive and inappropriate messages. For lonely people tired of taking themselves to the movies every night, it might just be worth the risk. Take this quiz and find out if online dating is for you.
Are you the type of person who enjoys talking about yourself and interests?
Yes / No
Do you have a tendency to become addicted to Internet communities?
Yes / No
Do you post daily messages of mundane daily activities on Facebook? (I woke up this morning and had a bowl of cereal with granola and then I think I’ll take the dog for a walk)
Yes / No
Do you enjoy having combative online chats with total strangers about controversial topics such as politics and religion?
Yes / No
Are you sensitive to people’s online comments regarding your photo profile, political affiliation or religion?
Yes / No
Do you find the online freaks to be entertaining?
Yes / No
Do you find that the freaks and perverts floating around on online dating sites creepy?
Yes / No
Are you desperate to find love but because of a demanding career can’t find the time to date traditionally?
Yes / No
Do you spend more time interacting with strangers online than in real life?
Yes / No
If you scored between 15 and 24, then you should definitely give online dating a shot. You tend to enjoy being the center of attention and love talking about yourself and interests. You also are highly entertained by the circus-like atmosphere that a virtual cruising community creates. If you scored between 14 and 0, you could try online dating but proceed with caution. You Answers are the sensitive type with strong belief systems & Points and tend to be easily rattled when someone 1. Y-4 N-0 outspoken speaks out against you on an online 2. Y-2 N-0 forum. 3. Y-5 N-1 Ask anyone and most will tell you they tried 4. Y-3 N-1 online dating at one time or another. Whether you 5. Y-0 N-3 succeed at it or not, you will definitely get an 6. Y-2 N-0 7. Y-0 N-5 interesting sampling of the general population, 8. Y-5 N-1 which can be either entertaining or frightening. 9. Y-3 N-1 But you never know. Your true love may only be a few mouse clicks away.
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Jesse Whitman
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14 Sept. 16 - 22, 2009 by: Brian Beard
“Ultimate Fighter”
UFC 103: Saturday September 19th, Live from the AAC, Dallas, TX! It’s been a long time coming but the UFC is finally coming to Dallas! Too bad the card isn’t worth a sh!t. I will say this though… if you have the chance, go! It will be awesome and if the fights don’t do it for you, there will definitely be some hooks and strips in the crowd. My boy Rom will be all over it! Josh Koscheck (14-4-0) vs. Frank Trigg (19-6-0): Koscheck is one of the best wrestlers in MMA, not to mention a complete p-hawk! Trigg is a salty veteran and is also a damn good wrestler. I hate to say it, but this is nothing but a tough warm up for Kos. Trigg hasn’t fought too much in the last few years and hasn’t faced the level of competition that Koscheck has. I really like both fighters, but Kos dominates this fight anywhere it goes. Ref stoppage in the 2nd round. Mirko Cro Cop (25-6-2) vs. Junior Dos Santos (8-1-0): Dos Santos is an explosive and exciting up and coming fighter who is relatively new to the UFC. Cro Cop is one of the greatest ever, but is on the downhill side of his career. This will be a huge test for Dos Santos and unfortunately one that he will not pass. Cro Cop has way too much experience against higher levels of competition. Cro Cop will lure him in with his grape smuggler shorts packing an extra large cup. He will then tear him apart with kicks and then finish via ground and pound in the 3rd. Rich Franklin (27-4-0) vs. Vitor Belfort (18-8-0): I am a big fan of both of these fighters and this should be an exciting fight. Vitor is extremely explosive and has incredible hand speed. I believe, however, that Franklin will be the more technical striker in this one. I don’t foresee this going to the ground until Belfort gets tired and in a last ditch effort tries to put it there. This fight is very important for both of their careers, but I see Rich taking this one on conditioning. He will be able to outlast Vitor’s onslaught of strikes and wear him down. Franklin via submission late in the second. Regardless of the outcome, both fighters will have every bopper in Dallas on their junk afterwards. I really would have like to have seen a better card come to Dallas but you never know. Some of the cards that aren’t so great on paper end up being the best!
MMA LEGEND:
GUY MEZGER
Dennis Hambright www.dennishambright.com
In the world of mixed martial arts (MMA), few can say, “Been there, done that,” with more truth than five time world champion competitor, teacher, and entrepreneur, Guy Mezger. Mezger has been a UFC Champion (UFC 13), King of Pancrase (‘98), and World Kickboxing Champion. Add in his latest pursuits, and it’s easy to see why this MMA legend has got his finger on the pulse of the business…in and out of the octagon. I had the pleasure of spending some time with him at his Guy Mezger’s Combat Sports Club at 14839 Inwood Road in Addison, to find out what he’s up to these days, and get his thoughts on MMA and the future of the sport. “I love martial arts, and I love training, so it’s worked out well for me,” Mezger says. “In the beginning there really weren’t any MMA fighters. It was style against style. I was the number one rated kick boxer in the world, and the UFC wanted a kick boxer against a jujitsu guy. What they didn’t know when they signed me was, I was also a wrestling and judo champion. I had an MMA background before it was MMA. It gave me a big advantage.” Mezger has taught martial arts in Dallas since ‘88, and in ‘93 he and another fight legend, Ken Shamrock developed the famous Lion’s Den. “I already had the MMA background, so I was qualified to teach the skills and philosophy,” Mezger explained. This coming January will mark Mezger’s 22nd year teaching martial arts in Dallas. “I’ve had a blessed career, but my teaching and fighting is paradoxical. One is about destroying and beating, and the other is about building up. I spent a big chunk of my life breaking people up, and now I want to spend the rest of my life building people up.” And that’s just what he’s doing. Mezger is passionate about his kids training program. “We want to teach kids to have confidence… stand on their own two feet…make correct choices…take some responsibility at a young age. I tell kids in our program, the only thing you get here for free, is love. Everything else, you earn. Nothing in this gym is given, and when you earn it, it can never be taken away.” “We have world class, world champion, Olympic level instructors,” Mezger said. “Right now, we have 350 adult students, and 25 kids. My goal is to have 100 kids in our program. Mezger continues ‘giving back’ by working with numerous police departments, the F.B.I., the Army, Marines, and Border Patrol, teaching defensive tactics. Mezger is also involved in television and movie production. “We’ve got the ‘Bully Beat Down Show’ that’s on now, and we’re producing ‘Bas Rutten’s World of MMA’. We’ve also got a few documentaries working, a movie we’re getting ready to film, and we’re developing, ‘House of Champions’, that’s about the day to day life around my gym.” Mezger is President of Mark Cuban’s HDNet Fights. “HD Fights is the number one program for HD Net. We produce more MMA programming than anybody. We’ve got the best fighters from all the organizations outside of UFC.” About UFC, Mezger says, “They’re definitely the ‘800 Pound Gorilla’. Before UFC, it was no rules, no gloves, no weight classes and no limits. It was a pretty wild spectacle. The UFC did a great job getting it recognized as a sport, and we owe them a lot for that, but they want to stay the ‘800 Pound Gorilla’. They’re pretty aggressive about counter-programming. Monopolies never work in the long run. As a sportsman, I’d like to see it open up. I want the world to see it. There’s room for everyone. MMA isn’t mainstream, yet,” Mezger said. “You don’t see the big advertisers, but it’s getting better. When it gets more mainstream, then maybe we’ll see a MMA fighter getting an ESPY award. It’s not there yet, but we’re working on it”.
Sept. 16 - 22, 2009 15 blitzweekly.com
NEW: iPod nano
According to Steve Jobs, Apple’s CEO, “iPod nano is the world’s most popular music player with over 100 million sold. And now we’ve added a video camera to its incredibly thin design, without any additional cost to the user.” New owners of the 5G iPod nano will be pleased to know that it comes with a larger 2.2” display to make navigation easier on the eyes, while you get to enjoy more album art alongside the ability to shoot and view video clips in a jiffy. Apple has also included fun real-time effects in one’s video content including Thermal, Film Grain, Kaleido and X-Ray without the need to process it all over again using specialized software on a computer later on. Other features include an integrated FM radio with live pause and iTunes Tagging, where the former enables users to pause and resume playing their favorite FM radio shows – handy for various situations, while the latter lets you keep tabs on a song you like but can’t quite catch the title, letting you preview and purchase that tagged song on iTunes later on. The fifth generation iPod nano will come in silver, black, purple, blue, green, orange and pink color choices, retailing for $149 for the 8GB model while the 16GB model is going for $179. Courtesy: www.gadgetreview.com
the iida Polaris cellphone robot
When the user puts the phone in the cradle, it begins a process of collecting data such as healthy food suggestions, business news updates, and weather information. The user can open the fancy lid on the Polaris and use the phone as a remote control in order to access their television. You might be asking why in the world someone would need a robotic cradle to do that. You are not the only one. After all, Unity4Life offers similar controls from a BlackBerry. As far as a phone goes, it looks like your typical touchscreen only phones that have been so popular since that one that starts with an “i”. The iida Polaris is still in concept form for now, but unless that cradle does make it roll around the room, I’m not convinced it should be put into production.
Quirky’s Scratch-n-Scroll Noteable Mousepad
The Noteable Mousepad, Scratch-n-Scroll, can be written on with the included stylus or with the tip of your finger. In order to erase what you’ve written, you just lift the sheet on the top. The pad will work with both not only optical mice, but the old fashioned ball kind as well. Right now this isn’t out just yet, but you can pre-order the product. When it does get shipped out to you, you won’t even have to pay for shipping. The mouse pad will cost you $14.99 from Quirky Designs.
Big Dick Hunter Visits with Rich “Ace” Franklin Richard Hunter Rational Radio AM 1360
BDH: This fight had a very weird lead up to it and I want to ask you about that. What was on and then off again, initially it was a rematch of you and Dan Henderson, a closely contested split decision fight. It was going to be the rematch of that. Then all of sudden that was off and Vitor Belfort was resigned. What was the whole deal with the build up and the lineage and the changes in this fight? RAF: Well here’s what happened, UFC had UFC 100 which was a big card out in Las Vegas and I had fought prior to that against Wanderlei Silva in Germany in UFC 99. I was fortunate to not have sustained any serious injuries, but the UFC had built up this mega card without a title on the main event. Fortunately for me, I am one of the few current non-title holders that can headline an event. At the time, the UFC contacted me and asked if I would be willing to fight in Dallas in September and I said “yeah, that’s fine. I’m healthy”. We were having trouble finding me an opponent because all the top 10 ranked 205 pound fighters were contracted to fight somebody at the time. So as I am sitting in Dana White’s office resigning my UFC contract, I suggested that I fight Dan Henderson. I want it, he wants it and Dana
thought it was a great idea. When Dana went public with the fight the fan reaction was less than excited. By the grace of God, the whole situation with Affliction kind of collapsed and the UFC picked some of their fighters. Now I find myself fighting Vitor Belfort. Which for some of the fans, they might not know him very well. It’s been a while since he fought in the UFC. He’s been active, been busy, in some other organizations. He’s a great fighter. He was formerly a light heavyweight champion in the UFC. This’ll be a tough fight for me. The fans that are in the know how, know that this is a fight definitely worth watching. BDH: It looks like we going to get Tito Ortiz back in November for a fight against Mark “The Hammer” Coleman. I can see in the future, you two crossing paths; do you have any thoughts on that? RAF: I think that would be a great fight. Tito’s a big name and an exciting fighter. He’s been with the UFC for many years, in and out and what not. He’s a great champion. I think it would be an exciting fight, I’d be psyched to do it if our paths ever do cross and a fight that the fans would be interested in seeing. I don’t have a particular fighter that I’m interested in fighting, like I’m not interested in calling a certain fighter out or anything like
that. But if there was a fight that the fans wanted to see, I’d be up for that. BDH: Vitor Belfort has reportedly been training karate like the current light heavyweight champ Lyoto Machida. They are enjoying a bit of a renascence in the UFC with Machida’s title reign. The art of hitting and getting hit seems like something that could really come in handy against an accomplished striker like yourself. What are your thoughts on counteracting the karate disciple? RAF: I don’t know, I guess the best way I can put this is for me going into a fight is that I don’t really worry about my opponent as much as I do about myself. For me, September 19th, I’m battling myself. Basically I’m fighting Rich Franklin. I’ve looked at tapes on Vitor and I’ve looked at his most recent tapes and how he defends in the ring. He looks good. But as far as on a daily basis, if I concern myself with what he’s going to do then I’ll start to lose focus on the things that are important to me. I know come Saturday night, if I perform the way that I need to perform and execute the way that I should, in the way that I can, then I won’t have a problem winning the fight. But if there is a breakdown in any of that, then that’s where the trouble starts.
By: Sybil Summers
sybilsummers.com
Top 10 Manliest Chicks 10. Suzy Kolber: The leather jacket/ turtleneck look isn’t helping the cause. 9. Soon-Yi Previn: Far more manly than her husband Woody Allen. 8. Felicity Huffman: She played a dude playing a woman in TransAmerica...I’m just saying. 7. Tilda Swinton: I’m not 100% convinced that she and Edward Furlong are not the same person. 6. Lady Gaga: She seriously looks like a drag queen. 5. Serena & Venus Williams: Serena is male from the neck down. Venus is male from the neck up. 4. Pat Summitt: Scary. Just scary. 3. Sarah Jessica Parker: Have you ever seen her without makeup? Pointy nose, angular chin, and I’m pretty sure I saw an Adam’s Apple. 2. Janet Reno: Why are you wearing a dress, Daddy? 1. Grace Jones: Naked or not, she’s all man to me. Love you, Zula!
Sept. 16 - 22, 2009 17
DOWN 1. Egyptian water lily 2. Spy 3. Transparent 4. Japanese stick fighting 5. Mix 6. Diving bird 7. Not inner 8. Mark 9. Deep purplish red 10. Worldwide 11. Passion 12. Biblical garden 13. Dispatched 21. October birthstone 25. It’s surrounded by water 27. Sell again 28. Explosive letters 30. Feudal worker 31. Seats oneself 32. Views 33. Reflected sound 34. Aspersion 35. One of 52 in a deck 36. Undergarment 37. A male cat 41. Missing In Action 44. Workplace where clothes are washed 46. A swinging barrier to a room 50. Electronic messages 51. Detect 53. Nab 54. Hemorrhagic fever 55. Apportion 56. Requires 57. Dross 58. Small mountain 59. Not deceived by 61. Blemish 62. 1 1 1 1
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Blitz Weekly Funnies for the Week Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes ? A: Because they’re simple, easy and they taste good. Q: What’s the difference between a woman and a magnet? A: Magnets have a positive side! Q: What’s the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? A: The taste! Q: What’s the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping Tom? A: A pick pocket snatches watches.
This fellow was so deeply in love that just before he was married, he had his bride’s name tattooed on his love muscle. Normally, only the first and last letters were visible, although when he was aroused, the tattoo spelled out W-E-N-D-Y. Now they’re on their honeymoon at a resort in Montego Bay. One night, in the men’s room, this fellow finds himself standing next to a tall Jamaican at the urinal. To his amazement, he notices that this man, too, has the letters W-Y tattooed on his penis. “Excuse me,” he says, “but I couldn’t help noticing your tattoo. Do you have a girlfriend named Wendy?” “No way, mon, I work for the Tourist board. Mine reads, “Welcome to Jamaica, mon, have a nice day.’”
Horrorscopes
Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22)
Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)
Taurus (Apr. 20 - May 20)
When it comes to light that you’ve been dating a hypnotist, you’ll start to question a lot of your recent actions -- like why you keep falling asleep at the count of three.
Do yourself a favor and take a vow of silence. Occasionally saying the wrong thing is human, but you’re taking it to new levels. They’ll soon have to inoculate you against foot-in-mouth disease.
When you can’t find your cell phone or blackberry to figure out who you’re supposed to meet or where, you realize that your life is sh!t. Your pimp will exact revenge and put you the “glory hole”.
Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 22)
Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)
Gemini (May 21 - Jan. 21)
You’ll remember how all the other inappropriate crushes worked out when you develop a crush on someone entirely inappropriate. You’ll be comforted by the knowledge that it’s business as usual.
Try shifting your focus to the more complicated pleasures in life, such as stalking, identity theft and grand larceny. The simple pleasures in life don’t really seem to be offering up anything great.
You’ll be woken up Sunday morning when the sun slips through your blinds and stabs you in the eyes like a hundred tiny knives. This’ll set the tone of the day, and things are likely to get worse.
Scorpio (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21)
Pisces (Feb. 19 - Mar. 20)
Cancer (Jun. 22 – Jul. 22)
Have you thought about acting up at work? It could go either way: you might charm the boss or you might get you’re a$$ fired. So, what are you waiting for?
Haven’t you learned that spending money you don’t have is no way to make yourself feel better? If you’re tempted to charge something, ask someone to kick you instead.
You’ll succeed in annoying anyone within earshot when you break into song every time someone mentions a word remotely connected to the lyrics of a bad rock-nroll hair band from the 80s. Rock on!
Sagittarius(Nov. 22 - Dec. 21)
Aries (Mar. 21 - Apr 19)
Leo (Jul. 23 - Aug. 22)
If it seems like everyone is out to get you, it’s because they actually are out to get you, so be careful when dealing with other homo sapiens. Remember, no eye contact at the urinal!
You can take a nap under your desk, but sorry amigo, time will not pass any faster. Consider yourself stuck until quittin’ time. Have you ever considered selling stolen office supplies on the side?
Romance is in the air -- but only because it’s wafting over the fence from the neighbor’s house. Dig out the power drill and make eyeholes in your fence so you can watch. Pervert.
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ACROSS 1. Deficiency 5. Plod along 9. Donkeys 14. Look at flirtatiously 15. See the sights 16. An electrode 17. Adolescent 18. Bit 19. Donated 20. Undecorated 22. Happening 23. Sharpen 24. French for “Queen” 26. Paintings 29. Pressure 33. Suitable for eating 38. Dog of movie fame 39. Tribe 40. Pore 42. Initial wager 43. Jump over an obstacle 45. Senseless 47. Hardship 48. Bother 49. Governs 52. Sea 57. Displayed 60. Unforgettable 63. Delineated 64. Any minute 65. Lacquered metalware 66. Communion table 67. Part of an archipelago 68. Dolt 69. A state of high honor 70. Bottom of the barrel 71. Stetsons and derbies
blitzweekly.com
18 Sept. 16 - 22, 2009
by: Pat Moran
“Man On His Throne”
pmoran@gmail.com
The Art of Double Parking
Last night I came home from a late night out and found a situation that made it so frustrating, I couldn’t sleep all night. I’m overreacting yes, but it’s one of those “Straw that broke the camel’s back” sort of things. Just one too many stupid people doing one too many stupid acts and my head explodes. See I live in a pretty overpopulated area of town where parking is hard to come by. Often times a lack of a simple parking spot can lead to hours of circling the building, often times going blocks away to park. You are dreaming if you actually think that you are going to ever, ever, ever find a parking spot at any hour of the day. So you will imagine my surprise when I get back and find two open parking spots
right by the front door. Ridiculous luck. Too bad I had to drop off a friend a block away, but hey, it’s in the bag, right? (Yeah, I know I probably wouldn’t be writing this if I was successful). I pull in after dropping my friend off and find that some douche bag had parked horizontally across both spots making it impossible for me to park. Best part is that the guy is still in the car when I pull up next to the ‘87 brown Civic. “Hey Mr. (expletive deleted), what the hell is your problem?” I say, as nice as Mussolini with indigestion. The guy looks up, smiles, gets out the car without saying a word and goes in the building. Cue my over-the-top freak out rant in the parking lot without anyone around. I find the closest
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parking spot 6 blocks away, it begins to rain like cloud vomit. I now have a new addition to my “I hope these people get hit by a bus” list. See my problem is not with stupid people. Stupid people are always going to be stupid. No, it’s simply the parking. How douchey is it to double park? How much of a moron do you have to be to not simply just pull into the spot like a decent person? It’s everywhere. It’s so incredibly stupid. So, Mr. Brown Civic, consider this a warning. Next time you double park, I am going to double park my foot onto your face. Oh, and have a nice day.
Crossword Solution