BLITZ News Shorts 3 Hollywood Profile / Movie Reviews 4 Meet Jolie Holliday 5 TCU / UNT / LFL Previews 6 The Curse of Madden 7 Restaurant Review: Suze 8 Cowboys Week 3 Preview 9 COVER STORY: Best Tex-Mex Restaurants 10-11 BLITZ BABE: Michelle 12 Actresses Dominate TV 13 Man-Up 14 BLITZ Toys 15 Top 10 SNL Castmembers 16 Crossword / Jokes / Horrorscopes 17 Last Call: Where’s My Award 18 PUBLISHER / EDITOR Kelly Reed CREATIVE DIRECTOR / WEBSITE / GRAPHIC DESIGN Damien William Mayfield COVER: Damien William Mayfield and Kent Gilley PHOTOGRAPHERS Ronnie Baker, Darryl Briggs, Steven Hendrix, Matt Pearce, Brandon Uhr CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHERS Kent Gilley, The Bum CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Joe Avezzano, Vivian Fullerlove, Robin George, Dennis Hambright, Kelly, Frank LaCosta, Pat Moran, Pugs, Craig Smith, Sybil Summers, Eddie Stephens, Joe Stumpo, The Bum and Jesse Whitman ADVERTISING SALES MANAGER Kelly G. Reed SALES REPRESENTATIVES Johnny Horton, Patrick Marshall CONTACT US MAIN NUMBER 972-663-9339 FAX NUMBER 972-960-8618 kreed@blitzweekly.com BLITZ Weekly P.O. Box 295293, Lewisville, TX 75029
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QUOTE OF THE WEEK “I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn’t end there.” – Groucho Marx (1919-1972)
Jackson’s Mom, Kids Receive $86,804 a Month Michael Jackson’s mother is receiving $86,804 per month from her son’s estate to support herself and her three grandchildren, according to court records released Thursday. Katherine Jackson is one of the primary beneficiaries of her son’s estate along with the late pop singer’s three young children and unnamed charities. Over the course of a year, Jackson’s mother and children are slated to receive more than $1 million in support from the estate. Katherine Jackson’s monthly allowance is $26,804; the children’s allowance is $60,000 per month. Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Mitchell Beckloff approved a monthly stipend for Katherine Jackson and her three grandchildren in August. The amount of the payments had been sealed until Thursday. Katherine Jackson has been named the children’s permanent guardian. They are currently living at the Jackson family home in the San Fernando Valley. Katherine Jackson’s $26,804 per month pays for an assistant, housekeeper, driver, utilities, clothing, grooming and other expenses. The petition does not provide many details about how the money is being spent on Jackson’s children, who range in age from 7 to 12. A redacted spreadsheet included in the filings states that $315,000 per year is being spent on employees caring for the children, and another $160,000 is being set aside for entertainment and other expenses. Attorneys for the estate argued that release of the names of staffers helping care for the children could compromise their security and privacy. Michael Jackson was extremely protective of his children, often dressing them in costumes or masks to hide their faces when they were in public. Beckloff agreed to keep those details private but said he did not think the total amounts could remain sealed. Katherine Jackson’s attorney had argued that records should remain private. The judge has scheduled a progress report for Oct. 2 to hear how the children are faring since their father’s death.
Man Litters National Park with 3,000 Golf Balls
blitzweekly.com
VOL. 2 - ISSUE 5
Sept. 23 - 29, 2009 3
A man who said he hurled thousands of golf balls into Joshua Tree National Park for more than a year to honor deceased golfers will be explaining his tribute to a federal magistrate. Park rangers cited 57-year-old Douglas Jones for abandoning property, littering and feeding wildlife. Park spokesman Joe Zarki said Wednesday that Jones tossed some 3,000 golf balls from his vehicle. Jones also scattered a few tennis balls and park literature and left fruit and vegetables along park roads. Jones says rangers spent 370 hours cleaning up, at a cost of $9,000. Finally spotted in action last month, Jones allegedly told rangers he threw the golf balls to leave his mark and honor deceased golfers. The food was for stranded hikers.
Former Nanny Tells All About Jon Gosselin Jon Gosselin asked that the press “please write something nice about me” as he walked the red carpet at the In Touch Weekly VMA after party. Well, it doesn’t look like his wish was granted — so long as you define “nice” as “things not having to do with other women I’ve had flings with before my divorce from Kate is final.” One of the Gosselin’s former nannies, Stephanie Santoro, says she and Jon had a relationship shortly after he filed for divorce from Kate in June. And although it didn’t last long, Santoro tells In Touch they became “very close.” “We would lie in bed and talk about the future. He would say how he wanted to make sure my daughter and I would always be OK, and how he would take care of me. There was no talk about marriage, but we did talk about being together,” according to the interview. If this is getting confusing — Jon was also linked to former reporter Kate Major and Hailey Glassman, the daughter of his wife’s plastic surgeon — Santoro fits in a timeline shared with Glassman. “I don’t think he has ever been apart from Hailey. … I know they’ve broken up before. I didn’t know their current status. We talked about it, and he had told me that things were very weird and strange and he would explain it to me, but he didn’t want to hurt me in the process,” she told In Touch.
blitzweekly.com
4 Sept. 23 - 29, 2009
HOLLYWOOD PROFILE BLITZREVIEWS with Matt Damon
Wa s t i n g o u r m o n ey s o yo u d o n ’t h a ve t o !
Vivian Fullerlove
“Entertainment’s Real Critic”
There’s no more “normal” movie star on the planet in my opinion (and since it’s my column, I feel obliged to give it from time to time) than Matt Damon. There’s really nothing to dislike about this guy. Handsome, hard working, talented, and he paid his dues in the Hollywood game to become a leading man. So, we’ve watched him evolve from Good Will Hunting to the dynamic Jason Bourne in the Bourne Identity trilogy, but now you’ve got the opportunity to see Damon as he has truly never been seen before. In the new dramatic thriller The Informant! Damon plays Mark Whitacre, a high-level employee at ADM (Archer Daniels Midland), the “supermarket to the world”, who wears an FBI wire to uncover a major price-fixing scam. ADM pleads guilty and pays a $100 million fine; however, Whitacre ends up doing more time than the corrupt leaders he helped to capture. We caught up with Damon to find out what it was like playing such a complete, nerd (for lack of a better word) and what it was like to work with the amazing Steven Soderbergh. What attracted you to this film? The script was hysterically funny. It’s kind of a dark comedy. The tone of the script was also very interesting.
“Splatfest 101”
As you watch this film, you will be reminded of the classic slasher films of the 80’s and 90’s! The killer’s outfit is really creepy and you’ll enjoy the pimped out lug wrench that the killer uses. Rumer Willis does an awesome job as Ellie. At a party held at the Theta Pi house, the sorority girls play a prank on Megan’s boyfriend, Garrett. When the prank goes too far, Megan (Audrina Patridge) ends up dead and the girls throw her body in an old mineshaft and swear never to speak of it again. Eight months later on graduation day, someone wearing a black hooded robe comes to kill off all the girls who knew one at a time. It is during the graduation party that things really begin to cook. Lots of eye candy, the return of Carrie Fisher, however this version is not as good as the one made in 1983.
PICK OF THE WEEK
You play Mark Whitacre who was basically a corporate snitch, right? The character is actually a cooperating witness in a case where there is something illegal going on at this very big, reputable company. There were some executives who were involved in fixing prices with their competitor and that’s illegal, and immoral and a whole host of other things. Whitacre did go in and wear a wire for two and a half years. He did record these conversations and ultimately proved that this was going on. He’s just a really interesting guy. This film is based on actual events and really impacted the laws governing corporate America. Do you know what kind of changes were spawned by this case? Despite the fact that this case kind of blew up because of what Whitaker was doing, he changed the laws around these corporate crimes forever in a really wonderful way. The penalties are a lot stiffer because of Mark Whitaker and what he did. So, you know there’s all these kind of really heroic things he did on one side and these things that were illegal on the other side. Pure genius are the only two words I can think of when someone says Steven Soderbergh. His directorial style is so unique and in the case of this film incredibly fast wasn’t it? We did the whole movie in thirty-eight days, which for a movie of this scale is really fast. But, I mean, the first four days that we worked, we shot twenty-five pages of a 150 page script; so, that’s a lot. And, it’s a dialogue heavy movie; so, for the actors, it’s great. It’s a lot of work. You really have to know [your lines] because Steven’s going to be ready. When we came out of hair and make-up in the morning, he was ready to go. So, if you’re not ready, there are fifty people that are sitting around waiting on you to get ready and to learn your lines if you don’t know them. Everyone comes in absolutely prepared and ready to go. If you’re ready to see Matt Damon do his thing on the big screen, The Informant! is playing in theatres nationwide right now. The film is rated R for strong language. For all of this week’s new releases, check out my show Reel Critics on Time Warner Cable Video on Demand under the North Texas programming tab!
“Road House” is a movie that is thoroughly enjoyable from start to finish in spite of the fact that it stinks. Dalton (Patrick Swayze) is the best bouncer in the business, apart from his mentor, Wade Garrett (Sam Elliott). Tilghman (Kevin Tighe) hires Dalton to clean up his bar, the Double Deuce. He makes some headway at first but soon discovers that the real problem is the whole town is bullied by rich man Brad Wesley (Ben Gazzara), who has bought off the sheriff, makes all the local businesses pay protection money, and enforces his wishes with a gang of hired thugs. Did we mention that Dalton has a degree in philosophy from NYU, practices Tai Chi to get “centered,” and believes that pain doesn’t hurt?
Sept. 23 - 29, 2009 5 blitzweekly.com
INDIE CMA AWARD WINNER
Vivian Fullerlove
JOLIE HOLLIDAY
“Entertainment’s Real Critic”
RELEASES NEW ALBUM
I
nternational country music artist Jolie Holliday celebrated the release of her sophomore album “Lucky Enough!” The CD features a medley of up tempo dance tunes like “I Don’t Need Champagne” and “Driving to Hollywood” along with the soulful country ballads Jolie is famous for like “Better Off” and “I’ll Try Anything” which show off her amazing range as a vocalist. “When I first heard the song, I fell in love with it,” recalls Jolie in reference to “What We Gonna Do About It.” “I found myself humming the melody the entire day after I had listened to it for the first time. The song has so much feeling and truth, and it took me back to my roots, which is the love of country music and the stories the songs tell.” Jolie’s new album is the follow up to her tremendously successful debut “A Real Good Day” which garnered the Dallas native a number of awards and thrust her to the height of international superstardom with it entering the European charts at #1! She also received the Young Talent of the Year award at the German CMA Awards as well as Female Vocalist of the Year and Album of
MUSIC: Jolie Holliday 1. I’m Coming Home To You
Jolie Holliday - Lucky Enough
2. Better Off
Jolie Holliday - Lucky Enough
3. I Don’t Need Champagne
Jolie Holliday - Lucky Enough
4. Hard To Be A Lady
the Year at the CMA Indie Awards. Jolie’s performances and recordings are so impressive that country music icon Mickey Gilley raved, “Jolie is a beautiful and talented young lady with a bright future ahead of her. She’s got the whole package for stardom.” Four-time Grammy Award Winner Marty Stuart agrees, “Jolie Holliday is a young lady but she sings country music from the perspective of a knowing, old soul…” The result is a collection of readily performed tunes that should bring Miss Jolie Holliday to the forefront as a bright country star. In addition to the release of “Lucky Enough,” Jolie is also preparing for her month long engagement at the popular State Fair of Texas. “I am thrilled to be back on
Jolie Holliday - Lucky Enough
5. I’ll Try Anything
Jolie Holliday - Lucky Enough
6. No Thanks
Jolie Holliday - Lucky Enough
7. Let Me Love You
Jolie Holliday - Lucky Enough
8. Driving To Hollywood
the Chevy Main Stage at the State Fair,” says Jolie. “This is my tenth year to be a part of one of the biggest events in the country. I love getting to perform for all the fans, and who doesn’t love being at the fair!” The State Fair kicks off on Friday, September 25th and concludes on Sunday, October 18th. Don’t miss the incredible sounds of Jolie Holliday when she performs live daily at the fair on the Chevrolet Stage. For more information and concert schedule log onto www.jolieholliday.com.
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Jolie Holliday - Lucky Enough
9. What We Gonna Do About It
Jolie Holliday - Lucky Enough
10. Lucky Enough
Jolie Holliday - Lucky Enough
blitzweekly.com
6 Sept. 23 - 29, 2009
by: Craig Smith
by: Eddie Stephens
Mid. Tennessee vs. North Texas
#15
TCU vs. Clemson
Texas Tech vs. #17 Houston
Denver Dream vs. Dallas Desire
Sat. Sept. 26th: 6pm - Mean Green Premium @ Fouts Field
Sat. Sept. 26th: 2:30pm @ Memorial Stadium
Sat. Sept. 26th: 8:15pm - ESPN2 @ Robertson Stadium
Fri. Sept. 25th: 8pm @ QT Park
UNT lost 53-7 to Alabama. Alabama rolled up 523 yards of offense and put points on the board on nine drives. UNT QB Nathan Tune threw his first TD pass of his career while playing for injured Riley Dodge. The offense only managed 187 total yards. Only bright spot of the game was on the first play from scrimmage as UNT’s Sam Owusu-Hemeng hit the Alabama quarterback causing a fumble which was recovered by the Mean Green. Next up the Mean Green will host the Blue Raiders of Middle Tennessee. They hit a 19 yard field goal as time expired to beat Maryland 32-31. QB Dwight Dasher threw for 324 yards and 2 TD’s. The Blue Raiders are 21 and are battle tested having also played Clemson and beating Memphis. After hiring Tony Franklin from Auburn to be offensive coordinator, they run the spread offense. This will be a tough match up for UNT but they can win if they contain Dasher and the running attack of MTSU.
The Horned Frogs are coming off a huge win in their home opener crushing Texas State 56-21. Running back Joseph Turner had 129 yards on the ground and reached the end zone three times as the Horned Frogs won their 2nd straight game. Andy Dalton is turning into a great quarterback in his third year as the TCU starter. They will now take on the Clemson Tigers who are 2-1 overall. The Tigers are lead by Senior RB C.J. Spiller. Last week he had 77 yards rushing on 17 attempts against Boston College, but left the game early due to a hurt foot. Spiller also returned his first punt ever for a TD. He is a threat to catch passes and turn them into big gains. Freshman Kyle Parker is the QB and has 5 TDs in three games. His favorite target is Jacoby Ford. The Tigers defense is marginal. Considering that the Horned Frogs have great chemistry on offense and defense, I don’t think this will be much of a challenge.
The Red Raiders visit the Houston Cougars for an old Southwest Conference rematch. Texas Tech played well enough to win last week’s game in Austin, but just couldn’t sustain enough drives. They are breaking in three new offensive linemen, but as they gain experience QB Taylor Potts will have better protection. Potts ended up with 46 completions for 420 yards and three TDs. He also had one interception and ended up taking some big hits. WR Lyle Leong had a pair of TDs in the loss to Texas. The telltale sign though is their lack of a running game, against Texas they ended up with -6 yards collectively. The Cougars had a week to rest up after defeating Oklahoma State in Stillwater. In two games this season they have scored 100 points. QB Case Keenum is an accurate passer with 7 TDs and 725 yards. WR Patrick Edwards is one of his favorite targets. RB Bryce Beall is a threat out of the backfield. This will be a high scoring affair.
The Lingerie Football League (LFL) comes to the Metroplex this Friday when the Dallas Desire takes on the Denver Dream. The game will be held at QT Park (home of the Grand Prairie Air Hogs) and kickoff is at 8pm. General Admission is $10 up to $115 for Field VIP seats. Check out www.lflus. com for more information. This is the first game for the Dallas Desire. They are unproven but will be ready for battle. Be sure to check out former Blitz Babe Corrie Elizabeth! The Denver Dream lost their home-opener to the LA Temptation 26-19. They have real game experience and will be looking for a victory. It’s like 7-on-7 football but sexier. There are no punts, no field goals, and extra point conversions are from the 2 yard line for 1 point or from the 5 yard line for 2 points. They play on a 50 yard field and there two 15 minute halves. There is also a 15 minute halftime. Wonder what the halftime show will be like?
Sept. 23 - 29, 2009 7
Sportsologist - Craig Smith
John Madden retired from the NFL broadcasting booth in April but the Madden NFL game curse remains. In the first game of the 2009 NFL season Troy Polamalu tore the MCL in his left knee after scrambling for the ball on a blocked field goal. Polamalu happens to be the cover boy along with Larry Fitzgerald for the John Madden video game which has a long line of injuries to the player who graces its cover each year. Before 1999 John Madden was on the cover of each year’s latest version of his game. In 2002 the curse began with Daunte Culpepper who was on the cover and suffered a knee injury causing him to miss the last five games of the season. He also had one of the worst years statistically of his career finishing with 18 touchdowns and 23 interceptions. In 2003 Marshall Faulk was hobbled by an ankle injury and only started a career low at the time 10 games. Michael Vick, on the cover in 2004, broke his leg in a pre-season game missing 11 games. In 2005 Ray Lewis made the cover and in week six injured his hamstring and missed the rest of the season. Donovan McNabb made the cover in 2006 and tore his ACL while running out of bounds. He missed the rest of the season. Shaun Alexander was next in 2007 to grace the cover and broke his foot causing him to miss six games. On the cover in 2008, Vince Young injured his knee in the first game and was only expected out for a few weeks. He was replaced by Kerry Collins who has been the starter ever since. Brett Favre was on cover in 2009 although he didn’t miss any games he did have to have surgery to repair a torn bicep tendon in his right shoulder. I am not very superstitious, but on the other hand I wouldn’t want to be the cover boy for this gig. Madden doesn’t believe in the curse after being on cover 11 years with no injuries. He is the only man to defy the curse. If I were Larry Fitzgerald I would be very careful.
Time to Throw in the Towel Rangers Baseball Guru - Eddie Stephens
Photo by: Matt Pearce / www.sportsshooter.com/mattman
blitzweekly.com
The Curse of Madden
O’ Reilly NHRA Fall Nationals Texas Motorplex this Weekend The 24th O’ Reilly NHRA Fall Nationals shake, rattle and roll their way to Texas Motorplex in Ennis this weekend for some of the best drag racing to be seen. The Top Fuel dragsters season championship is as close as ever and the top three racers Antron Brown, Larry Dixon, and Tony Schumacher will all be on hand to compete. The Funny Car division is lead by Tony Pedregon and followed closely by Ron Caps and Ashley Force. This is the 20th race of 24 NHRA races this season. The Texas Motorplex races on all concrete and is one of the fastest track surfaces in the country. The event runs Thursday, September 24th through Sunday September 27th. Tickets are available through the Texas Motorplex website, www. texasmotorplex.com or by calling the Texas Motorplex at 972-878-2641.
Miami vs Virginia Tech
(9)
(11)
Saturday, Sep 26 – 2:30pm - Lane Stadium - ABC
The “U” is still in the spotlight this week visiting the Hokies. They will bring lots of speed and will be battling their third straight ranked opponent. The Hokies are tough at home. Their defense did not give up a T D against Nebraska.
San Francisco vs Minnesota
Sunday, Sep 27 – Noon - Metrodome – FOX
This will be a great game since both teams are 2-0. Favre could possibly get his first lost as a Viking. The Vikings can put up a lot of points, but the 49ers are playing stingy defense. Look for a close one.
WEEK 3
Photo by: Darryl Briggs / DarrylBriggs.com
With ten games to go in the 2009 season, the Rangers find themselves 7.5 games behind the Angels in the AL West and 7 games back in the Wild card race. Unless you believe in miracles, you can pretty much throw out the white towel, because now the Rangers are playing for next season. Let’s take a look at this season and what has happened. Some new editions on the mound this year were Derek Holland, Neftali Feliz, Tommy Hunter, and Darren O’Day. These guys gave the Rangers some hope and aspiration to push for the playoffs, however they just ran out of gas. You have to admit being in a division with the Angels, and a league with the Yankees and Red Sox is not easy. These teams are
in it every year, and spend alot of money in the off season. The Rangers did make some mid season moves like bringing old Ranger Ivan “Pudge” Rodriquez to make a push for October, but just wasn’t good enough. Overall I liked what I saw in Elvis Andrus and Nelson Cruz, and if Josh Hmilton could of stayed healthy all year, he could have helped more. The Rangers should be satisfied that they made some improvements and need to keep making them for 2010. It can only make the team better, and it will be the only way the Rangers make it to the playoffs. For now though the Rangers once again will spend another October at home.
Sun., Sept. 27 @ NY Jets @ Houston Philadelphia @ Baltimore NY Giants Washington Green Bay Minnesota @ New England Chicago New Orleans @ San Diego Pittsburgh @ Oakland @ Arizona
LINES
LINE -2.5 -4 -9.5 -13.5 -7 -6.5 -6.5 -6.5 -4 -2.5 -5.5 -6 -4 -1 -2
OPPONENT Tennessee Jacksonville Kansas City Cleveland @ Tampa Bay @ Detroit @ St. Louis San Francisco Atlanta @ Seattle @ Buffalo Miami @ Cincinnati Denver Indianapolis
TIME Noon Noon Noon Noon Noon Noon Noon Noon Noon 3:05pm 3:05pm 3:15pm 3:15pm 3:15pm 7:20pm
Mon., Sept. 28 LINE @ Dallas -3
OPPONENT Carolina
TIME 7:35PM
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8 Sept. 23 - 29, 2009 blitzweekly.com
FOOD REVIEW
by: The Bum
Photos by: The Bum
The Pick of the Week:
Suze (“sue’s”) attracts an affluent crowd from the Preston Hollow and Bluffview neighborhoods who have discovered that they don’t need to leave The Hollow to enjoy 4-Star food.
SETTING
Tucked away at the back of a shopping center at Northwest Highway and Midway Road in northwest Dallas, Suze is simple on the outside, but owner & chef Gilbert Garza has a creative menu that can hold its own with any restaurant in town.
APPETIZERS
When they bring the complimentary basket of fresh-baked bread, they also bring a bowl of oil-with-pesto-and-garlic for dipping. It’s almost decadent. Then I order the Kobe Beef Carpaccio with Deep-fried Shallots & Avocado for an appetizer, which blows me away. I realize that I need to pace myself now with the bread and oil, but I can’t stop. (I also recommend the Roasted Manchester Farms Quail appetizer, and the Moroccan Delights, a platter of Mediterranean nibbles that would do a Lebanese restaurant proud.)
ENTREES
Watch Your Favorite
COLLEGE TEAM HERE Panthers vs. Cowboys Monday - 7:30pm
BEER & DRINK SPECIALS Sat. Sept. 26 - 9pm Dirty Haskells Sun.-Tues. Texas Hold’em Wednesday $3 U-Call-Its & DJ Clo Thursday Karaoke
601 Cross Timbers #108 Flower Mound 972-539-1717 www.pointafternorth.com
It’s not a lengthy menu, but at Suze, every dish is a hit. A few examples include Pan Roasted King Salmon with Chilled Cucumber Mint Salad and Rice Noodles; Porcini Papardelle Pasta with a hearty Veal Bolognese sauce; the Black Pepper Crusted Baby Rack of Lamb; and two Black Angus beef tenderloins. One has a carmelized garlic potato puree. The other one is called a “Seared Star Anise and Szechuan Pepper Rubbed” tenderloin. It comes with some outstanding Wasabi Micro-Greens. Entrees run from $16 to $26 with the steaks at $34 – and worth every penny.
WINE
Some restaurants mostly serve the “usual suspects”. Others mostly have labels that you’ve never heard of. Suze’ fairly extensive wine list is a nice balance of both, and not at all high-priced. Best of all, there are over 30 wines by the glass. Like your favorite Napa Valley hideaway, Suze serves good wines but no mixed drinks.
AMBIANCE
Warm, cozy, dimly-lit, tasteful, relaxed. Deep browns and brick-red walls. Definitely upscale, but still casual enough that they have wine racks and even a few wine crates stacked in the corners. Given its proximity to a couple of Dallas’ most elegant estate neighborhoods, the diners are thirty-ish and up.
RESERVATIONS
Advisable on Friday and Saturday. Weeknights vary. Only open for dinner, Tuesday through Saturday.
BOTTOM LINE
It doesn’t get much better than Suze. Suze • 4345 W. Northwest Hwy, Dallas • 214-350-6135 • www.suzerestaurant.net
I
n case you missed the game on Sunday night, you missed the unveiling of a fantastic sports/ entertainment venue and oh by the way there was a game also. It was a memorable game for me because I don’t recall a game, where the turnover ratio was 4-0 against you and the opposition got 24 points off those turnovers and you actually had a chance to win the game with 4 seconds left. There was a lot of intensity, effort and some very good things. The Dallas running game was outstanding, the pass protection was good, the defensive front seven were very good in stopping the Giants running game, the kicking game was productive and the new stadium was really cool. So what went wrong? The secondary was not covering anyone, the secondary was tackling terrible, and the QB was just plain bad. I believe that’s it in a nutshell. I know the coaches, I know how they coach and I know that these negatives had better get straightened out quickly. So What’s Next? The Carolina Panthers come to town for a Monday night battle that will get very little conversation this week. The focus of the fans and media will be on the shortcomings of this past week. The Panthers at 0-2, will not be regarded as a worthy opponent compared to the New York Football Giants. This game may very well be the defining game of the year for both teams. Yes, I know there are 13 games after this one; but for Carolina to go 0-3 or the Cowboys 1-2 would bring out the wolves in large numbers. To beat the Panthers, the Cowboys have to again contain a really good ground game. The two headed monster of DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart are as formidable as any in the league. Stop them and make Jake Delhomme throw the ball and that gives you the best chance to win. Delhomme had a better game against Atlanta, but has been on a poor string of bad performances. He’s thrown 10 interceptions in his last three games. Now I say make him throw, but considering the fact the Cowboys don’t have a sack or a turnover yet this year, I’m not sure. I have been waiting for one thing to pop up. After the way the Cowboys finished last season, I want to see how they mentally handle an early season crisis if one should arise. Well, seems like it has potentially arrived. Lose to Carolina and the sky will be falling in fandom but I’m more interested how the team responds to the situation. All the “Kumbaya” of the off season means nothing to me until tested. This will be another extravaganza at the new palace. Everyone needs to move on quickly and get ready for another big game. Funny how they all seem that way! Coach Joe can be heard on KHYI 95.3 on Tuesday nights 7-9pm and on ESPN radio. Come by and say hello at Hat Tricks Sports Bar and Grill in Lewisville. Your home to great sports and great music.
blitzweekly.com
by: Joe Avezzano
Sept. 23 - 29, 2009 9
blitzweekly.com
10 Sept. 23 - 29, 2009
Agave Azul 1114 S. Elm Street • Carrollton •(214) 390-7942 • theagaveazul.com Why a Blitz Pick:
M
any idiots think that they can go to a local Taco Bell to enjoy some traditional Mexican food, they are almost unforgivably mistaken. No one is quite sure why the term Tex-Mex is used when in fact dishes that originated in other areas such as San Francisco’s steak burritos, San Diego’s fish tacos and Tucson’s chimichangas are all in the same category. No worries, we’ll eat it all! Some of the Tex-Mex dishes may differ from actual Mexican dishes, but are still referred to Mexican dishes in Texas. People who live outside of Texas sometimes refer to Tex-Mex food as Southwestern food. Tex-Mex is considered “America’s oldest original food” by some. TexMex food got its name back in 1875. It started when the Texas-Mexican Railway was nicknamed Tex-Mex to refer to the railroad and describe the Mexicans that were born in Texas. The mission era blended Texas foods with Spanish and Mexican. It got its name by the Tejanos (Hispanics born in Texas). The different regions of Texas kept the dishes similar to each other. Eventually other meats such as goat and cow’s head gained popularity. In the twentieth century, cheese was added because it was readily available and inexpensive in the United States. More than 60% of the population of Texas has ancestors that were from Mexico. It is no surprise as to why the state has become popular for its Tex-Mex food dishes. Tex-Mex dishes commonly use the ingredients of garlic, sour cream, cilantro, beans, avocado, and chorizo, which is a spicy Mexican sausage that originated from Spain. Chiles are also important in Tex-Mex food dishes. The chilies range from sweet and mild to hot fiery and are added to a variety of dishes. Some chiles that are used in Tex-Mex food include ancho, jalapeno, and the hottest of them all, the habanero pepper. The food is contemporary and can easily be made. There are dishes that require more detail such as casseroles, black bean soup, and bunuelos, which is fried bread that is eaten with sugar and cinnamon that is sprinkled on the top. Tex-Mex food contains large amounts of beef, spices, and beans. Texas-style chili, crispy chalupas, and fajitas are all Tex-Mex food originals. A serving of tortillas with hot sauce or salsa is another Texas invention. Other tasty creations include seven-layer dip, and tamale pie. Mango margaritas are a modern drink in the Tex-Mex food menu. Many of these recipes are simple and require little skill, but there are some foods that involve preparation of another recipe to complete the main dish. One dish that shouts Texas, is chili. It is a combination of meat and spices, with no beans added. Sauce is the main ingredient of the chili. Chili was created by the Chili Queens of San Antonio. They made the chili to sell at stands for cowboys who came to the town.
Family recipes made with the freshest ingredients. Awesome handmade flour and c tortillas. They boast that they have the largest selection of tequila available with o 200 to choose from. Upscale Mexican dishes that the whole family can enjoy. Known For: 200 tequilas to choose from, award winning margaritas, Camarones Agave is the signature dish to try On the Side: Mar y Tierra (Surf and Turf), dishes aptly named after family members, flan, tequila crepes
Angelina’s 1396 W Main Street • Lewisville • (972) 221-6790 Why a Blitz Pick:
Angelina’s has been in business since 1986. Their friendly service, authentic reci and reasonable prices have made their restaurant a second home for many. Their fam oriented atmosphere makes it enjoyable for children and their Margarita Monday’s popular with adults. Known For: Great daily lunch specials and live entertainment on Friday On the Side: Amazing Homemade Salsa, Louis Shrimp, Sour Cream Chicken Enchiladas and Tasty Homemade Flan
Blue Mesa (5 DFW locations) 5100 Belt Line Road • Addison • (972) 934-0165 • bluemesagrill.com Why a Blitz Pick:
Blue Mesa makes getting up for Sunday brunch something to look forward to. They h over 100 tequilas to choose from. We dig the Red Chile Salmon. The compliment quesadillas go well with the Large Blue Margaritas and their $2.25 draft beer. Known For: Santa Fe style Mexican cuisine, currently celebrating the Hatch Ch Festival, Tacos for a Cause On the Side: ASteak Relleno Tacos with Hatch Chiles, Beef Tenderloin Tacos, Blue Crab & Shrimp Enchiladas
Cyclone Anaya (3 DFW Locations) 5225 Belt Line Road • Dallas • (214)389-6280 • cycloneanaya.com Why a Blitz Pick:
We love the fact that this restaurant was started by a former pro wrestler. His w brought the family recipes to the marriage. They make their own Agave Tequila. N patios to relax with friends and family. The Carne Asada a la Tampiquena is superb Known For: The Bottomless (all you can drink) Mimosa’s and Poinsettia’s, incredible art sculptures fill the restaurant décor, large plates of foo On the Side: Build your own Mexican Lunch Plate, Mexican Seafood Entrees: Shrimp, Grilled Salmon and Lobster Enchiladas, the best pancakes the world
El Guapo’s 419 S. Elm Street • Denton • (940) 566-5575 Why a Blitz Pick:
This is a college student’s dream with its affordable prices. Walk down the ramp begin your adventure. Unpretentious and friendly, their style of Tex-Mex is lik fiesta; loud and crowded. They also deliver to your abode. That’s innovative. Try “Swirles” because they will sneak up on you. Known For: El Guapo Lotto (you eat for free), rocking Happy Hour on the chea the “ramp” On the Side: Guapamole, RC’s Stuffed Jalapenos, Santana’s Supernatural, Choo Your Own Adventure “Platter”
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MARGARITAS & MEXICAN FOOD
Joe T. Garcia’s 2201 N. Commerce Street • Ft. Worth • (817) 626-4356 • joets.com
NIGHTLY SPECIALS! DINE-IN ONLY
MONDAYS
Why a Blitz Pick:
The place to go in Ft. Worth. The legendary restaurant was founded in 1935 by Joe and his wife Jessie aka Mamasuez. The original recipes are still used today with the same style of cooking. Their famed margarita is worth the wait! Known For: The patio and the pool, beef/chicken fajitas, Joe T. Rita On the Side: Tortilla Soup, Menudo, Huevos Con Papa y Chorizo, their bottled salsa
ENCHILADA PLATE
TUESDAYS
FREE
MEXICAN BEERS ALL DAY
Solʼs Nieto Mexican Grill is XTENDED HAPPY HOUR a fun friendly 4PM TO CLOSE place with a jukebox THURSDAYS atmosphere, FAJITA SPECIAL BREAKFAST, LUNCH neighborhood feel, amazing & DINNER food and great SERVED DAILY FROM 9AM margaritas.
WEDNESDAYS
6434 E.MOCKINGBIRD DALLAS, TX 75214 214-826-5564
Mario & Alberto 12817 Preston Road • Dallas • (972) 980-7296 • marioandalberto.com Why a Blitz Pick:
A Dallas classic, Mario & Alberto has been serving up great dishes for 30 years. Their full service menu has remained unchanged during that time. We like their Happy Hour as well as their daily lunch and dinner specials. Try the Filete de la Casa it’s a good one. Known For: The pink tablecloths and artsy paper flowers, friendly and fast service, affordable prices On the Side: Carne Asada, Chicken Parrilla, Lupita (Guacamole Salad), Camarones Al Ajillo
Mia’s Tex-Mex 4322 Lemmon Avenue • Dallas • (214) 526-1020 • miastexmex.com Why a Blitz Pick:
The “Mothership” opened in 1981 and moved to its present location in 1985 by Mama Mia and her husband Butch Enriquez. Butch brought the family recipes. This is casual dining at its best. They influenced other Tex-Mex restaurants in the area such as Mi Cocina, Manny’s and Luna De Noche. Known For: The Cowboy Room where Tom Landry, Jimmy Johnson and Jerry Jones have dined, cozy patio that will accommodate up to 30 of your best friends, brisket tacos On the Side: Handmade Chile Rellenos, Carne Asada, Tony’s Tilapia Tacos
Sol’s Nieto Mexican Grill 6434 E. Mockingbird Lane • Dallas • (214) 826-5564 Why a Blitz Pick:
This family run restaurant has been located in Lakewood for over seven years. Check out the art work created by local artists. This is the only Tex-Mex restaurant with a patio in the area. Try the veggie fajitas or the shrimp and spinach quesadillas! Known For: Incredibly cool art work, pet friendly patio and “lola” sauce On the Side: Pollo Relleno, Chile Relleno, Guiso and Tuesday Mexican Beer Night
Trece Mexican Kitchen 4513 Travis Street • Dallas • (214) 780-1900 • trecerestaurant.com Why a Blitz Pick:
Great patio for people watching. The guacamole chef prepares fresh guacamole tableside. We recommend the Guacamole en Molcajete. Their goal is to bring authentic Mexican dining to the customer. We’re in Texas, so try the Nachos Amador con Langosta or the Enchiladas Bandera. Known For: Free Mexico City styled two course dinner on Monday nights On the Side: Over 120 Tequila’s available, Famed 13 ingredient Tortilla soup, Mexico City Style Fresh Fish Ceviche
blitzweekly.com
corn over
Sept. 23 - 29, 2009 11
Sept. 23 - 29, 2009 13 blitzweekly.com by: Joe Stumpo www.darthstumpo.com
Is there no end to actresses taking on roles in TV shows once held by male actors? “Where are all the men?” Such is the question I have, thanks to a couple so called made for cable “We know drama” television shows on TNT featuring two of Hollywood’s top actresses in roles once played by male actors. I have found such recent programs as TNT’s crime drama, The Closer, starring Kyra Sedgwick and the medical show HawthoRNe starring Jada Pinkett Smith, might as well be called “The I am woman, hear me roar hour.” Up until recently, I refused to watch The Closer thanks to the commercial promotions I saw last season. One promo, in particular, showed a few people confessing their sins to Sedgwick’s L.A. Deputy Chief Brenda Leigh Johnson from an overweight African American chowing down on donuts who tells her “My wife thinks I am on a diet” to the little girl who says “My daddy cheats on his taxes.” I got the impression the makers behind the show, and perhaps Sedgwick herself, who also serves as co-executive producer, feel the series’ main selling point is that women and men get sexually aroused confessing their deepest, darkest sins to a take charge female, who isn’t afraid of beating the crap out of them if the situation warrants it. The one word that came to mind
watching a recent episode about the murder of two Los Angeles police officers by a couple of Nazi racists was “catfight.” I sat there wondering if Sedgwick’s Johnson, who oversees a department of all male detectives, would throw down and start trading body blows with co-star Mary McDonnell’s Captain Raydor whose job is to paint the criminals as victims and the deceased cops as the ones who started the shootings. Sedgwick’s role is like a dominatrix without the whips, leather, and black stilettos, though she does have the handcuffs. She doesn’t need a dungeon. She has that stern southern, no nonsense New Orleans accent which she uses to threaten any suspects with prison time. “You don’t need an attorney because if you get an attorney I plan to sit down with your fiancee and have a nice long chat with her about what you’ve been doing with your penis,” Johnson tells a suspect in one episode. If the Bush/Cheney Administration had someone like her to carry out interrogations of terror suspects at Guantanamo or in Iraq, we would have never heard of waterboarding. Some of my favorite “male” fictional characters in past medical dramas were those that were egotistical, self centered jerks like Mandy Patinkin’s Dr. Jeffery Geiger on Chicago Hope, William Daniels’ Dr. Mark
Craig in St. Elsewhere and Paul McCrane’s Dr. Romano on ER. I just know I was the only one in mourning when McCrane’s character got killed off when a helicopter crashed on top of him. Now those roles have been taken over by actresses. I just know females were rooting for Pinkett Smith’s head nurse on HawthoRNe, a widow and mother who pays more attention to her patients than she does her family. In one episode, Nurse Hawthorne tells her daughter how she didn’t ask for the job of teaching her how to drive. That job was supposed to be her late husband’s. “I didn’t ask for this particular right of passage,” Hawthorne says. “You know potty training, I filled that stupid chart with all kinds of gold stars. Riding a bike, I kissed every dang booboo. Your first bra, I took you to Macy’s. I got you one of those training deals, which by the way you didn’t even need, but this right here, driving lessons? That’s not for me, that’s daddy’s gig.” Yes. Nothing like a mother, who when her daughter needs someone to teach her how to drive, the parent wants some “Me time” only. How will Nurse Hawthorne react when her daughter needs someone to talk to when she’s in serious trouble? Perhaps she’ll get one of her nurses to do it the way she asks one of them to teach her daughter how
to drive. Like episodes of The Closer where Johnson utters quotes that easily define male bashing like “I’m going to have to deal with some pompous, arrogant oaf who doesn’t know thing one about investigating a murder”, the promos I have seen for HawthoRNe show scenes of male nurses portrayed as incompetent, mocked and scolded by the female staff. I am almost scared to sit through one entire episode to find out if I am right. If the lead characters in The Closer and HawthoRNe are the kinds of females women aspire to be, they should start looking for some positive role models. I can’t stop Hollywood from waving its pro-feminist flag and offering more shows that feature women in take charge roles once held by male actors. They cannot, however, stop me from shouting at the top of my lungs the line “This is a man’s world” from a classic James Brown song either when it comes to what I prefer to watch on network and cable television. When it comes to the entertainment industry, there should be a rule that says when it comes to actresses taking on roles once held by male actors, “Don’t send a woman in to do a man’s job.”
blitzweekly.com
14 Sept. 23 - 29, 2009
Four Traits of Lucky People
G
Jesse Whitman “A Woman’s Perspective”
ood luck may seem to flow in the breeze like tumbleweeds, and just by chance come across your path, but new studies show that you can actually increase your chances of luck by adapting a few characteristics that lucky people all share. In fact, according to clinical psychologist Colleen M. Seifert of the University of Michigan, you can increase your chances for getting what you want first by visualizing it and then preparing your mind for it. “This increases your chances of being able to notice opportunities when they come to you and act in a way that makes the best of these opportunities,” Seifert explains. Her theory is not that people lack opportunities, but that without preparing ourselves to seize them, we might miss these opportunities and go about life as usual. Maia Young, a researcher at UCLA, believes that luck is not the same as chance, according to a new study. Young found that lucky people almost always are motivated to try challenging tasks and persist at them. “The more you think of luck as a stable personal trait, the more you feel personal agency,” Young says. And it’s the breeding of confidence that helps lucky people feel in control. You can also make luck work in your favor in everyday life. Richard Wiseman, a psychologist at the University of Hertfordshire in the UK who has studied the habits of lucky people, recommends these four steps to good fortune:
1.Change Your Routine:
There is some wisdom in Robert Frost’s words, ‘two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by/And that has made all the difference.’ Instead of taking the same route to work or the supermarket, or wherever you go on your daily routine, try a different one, even if it’s a little out of your way. The change up in timing and route will increase your chances of seeing something or someone different than if you had kept to your usual routine. New experiences always offer fresh opportunities.
2.Turn Bad Into Good:
If something upsetting happens, it almost always could have been worse. Having a good perspective on things can increase your chances of being able to draw something positive from any negative situation.
3.Follow Your Gut:
Decisions that come from intuition often produce happier, luckier outcomes. In fact, lucky people often mention that they just had this ‘gut’ feeling about something.
4.Look Up:
Lucky people commonly have positive expectations about situations, which are often self-fulfilling because they increase motivation and persistence.
“MAN-UP”
I
Dennis Hambright www.dennishambright.com
don’t know what’s going on these days, but the more I look around, the more I see members of the ‘male species’ that forgot what it means to ‘Be a Man’. That includes the cologne-selling, low-rise-jean-wearing, metro sexual, so-called role models rammed down our throats in the media. If we don’t get a handle on it, we’re going to end up with a bunch of p*ssy-footing herds of politically correct ‘wussies’ wandering around, and there’s nothing good about that. If you’ve got a buddy who’s lost his way, maybe you should buy him a Ken doll, yank off his designer outfit and stick it in his face and say, “Hey, this is you…’grow a pair’ and MAN UP! Here are a few suggestions to help our wayward brethren get out of the ‘estrogen haze’ and on to the testosterone highway toward ‘Manning Up’:
1.Dress Like a Man:
I already mentioned low-rise jeans. They look great on an attractive woman, and there’s a reason for that; they’re made for women. Nobody wants to see your ‘plumber’s crack’ or how high up your belly button is from your belt buckle. I don’t care what the style mavens say, men shouldn’t wear pink or sage or peach or anything referred to as ‘lovely pastel colors’. Men should take the good old basic six-pack of Crayons, add the words ‘light’ or ‘dark’, and be able to describe anything they wear without sounding like a ‘pud’.
2. Learn to Apologize:
If you did it, own up to it. Who decided that if you rattle off an endless list of weak-ass excuses about why something isn’t your fault, when you and everyone else knows it is, that it makes it better? If you make a mistake, stand up like a man and say, “Yep, I did it, and I’m sorry.” People will respect you for it. So when you mess up, and we all do, then MAN UP and take responsibility for it.
3.Eat Like a Man:
Unless your doctor says you’ll pop like a fat tick on a hound dog if you do, then have a steak or a burger or a basket of wings every once in a while. Slather on the butter and pour gravy on your biscuits and order up some bacon with those eggs. But here’s a suggestion, if you eat like a man, then act like a man and get off your butt and do some exercise afterwards.
4.Exercise Like a Man:
Video games and Guitar Hero don’t count. If you can plug it in or sit on the couch and do it, then it isn’t exercise. Exercise means breaking a sweat. Pick up a barbell or a set of golf clubs or get some buddies together for a game of ball in the park, or give your gardener a vacation and mow your own yard. And if you’re at the mall, don’t drive around for half an hour so you can park four spaces closer.
5.Waxing Is a No-No:
Unless you’re getting ready to get up on the stage for a pose-off at a body building contest, then there’s no reason to have a standing appointment at a salon to be waxed. Men are supposed to have hair on their arms and legs, and they shave their faces so they don’t irritate the ladies when they snuggle up for some lovin’. There’s nothing wrong with ‘trimming up’ to look well groomed, but unless you’re aspiring for that ‘Ken doll look’, then there’s no reason to have anything yanked out by the roots.
Sept. 23 - 29, 2009 15
Freedom Grill FG-900
Whether you’re jamming out to music, playing a game, or conducting a business call, the Jabra Halo ($130) has you covered. Sporting Bluetooth 2.0 A2DP, the Halo can connect to two devices at once, and features a foldable design, an included carrying pouch, Zirene Power Bass for audio enhancement, Noise Blackout technology with dual microphones for clearer calls, touch-based controls, a built-in rechargeable battery good for eight hours of talk or listening time, and more.
Need to transport all your friends to the game, but also need to bring along your tailgating arsenal? Look into the Freedom Grill FG-900 ($9,900). Built to attach to the back of any vehicle with a standard 1 7/8” ball, this D.O.T.approved trailer features a high-grade commercial-grade gas barbecue with six burners, 304 stainless steel construction, dual insulated storage compartments with drains, a flagpole holder, a bottle opener, standard trailer lights, and an enormous cooking surface that will ensure you have plenty of room to cook for you, your buddies, and any other revelers that swing by.
Tavern Puzzle Collection
Keep your drunks houseguests amused with the Tavern Puzzle Collection ($100). This set of four classic games — the basic Bottoms Up, intermediate Clef Hanger, difficult U-Turn, and “complex” Long Island Catch — is made from 6mm steel, including some wooden beads, with the goal of each to remove the metal ring from inside the puzzle. Includes a 4-hook perch for displaying the games, and a solution sheet for the truly wasted/lazy.
Courtesy: www.gadgetreview.com
Human Growth and Development Advice Column! Pugs & Kelly
Rational Radio AM 1360
Hey Pugs and Kelly, My girlfriend of one year and I work together. I found out she had a one-night stand with a pretty sorry dude. She did it to get back at her ex girlfriend who also works with us. It happened before we started dating but it bothers me more and more as time goes on. Am I stuck on something that doesn’t matter? Should I take someone’s past behavior into consideration? Thank you very much and keep up the good work, Jeremy
Jeremy, I see your problem as a two-stage dilemma. Stage one, is the nausea inducing knowledge that your special gal gave it up to a far lesser man. This makes you question how much a prize she truly is and causes you to wonder wildly how far down the BF ladder she had been. Most guys like to pretend their sexual predecessor was the captain of the football team or her college literature Professor but the truth is often times staggeringly less dignified. Stage two concerns not WHOM she gave it away to but how EASILY she gave it up. Your girlfriend seduced a “sorry dude” to gain revenge. I bet this makes you rethink your entire courtship strategy. Your slutty GF had sex with a “sorry dude” in a fit of sexual revenge to get back at her lesbian lover GF? We all have sordid sexual histories. The best thing to do is never ask or question sexual past. Sexual chemistry is a fragile thing. One disturbing piece of knowledge can camp out in your subconscious and reintroduce itself at the most unfortunate of times. Decide who turns you on more, Mary Poppins or Mary Carey and follow your instincts. Pugs
Dear Jeremy, It’s funny, like many people, you seem to be under the impression you have to have a good reason to break up with a girlfriend. Guess what? You don’t. You are just dating, so it doesn’t matter if you don’t feel “it” anymore for her even if your only reason is because her middle toe is too long. If this information or action makes you feel less about her, don’t do her any favors by trying to ‘rise above’ her obvious imperfection. Let her go find someone who feels lucky she chose him above all the other men in the world. Don’t do her the disservice of letting her waste one more day or one more thought on someone who hopes one day she will prove herself worthy of your affection. How humiliated would you be to find out your girlfriend was ashamed of an action you have done in your past, and she was finding it hard to muscle up the desire for you now? Is this a deal breaker? Be a man and let her go ASAP if it is. BTW, no need for specifics in the breaking it off. You don’t feel it anymore will suffice. Take care, Kelly
blitzweekly.com
Jabra Halo
By: Sybil Summers
sybilsummers.com
Top 10 SNL Castmembers This weekend, Saturday Night Live kicks off the 35th season of funny. Tune in to see Megan the Fox host and musical guest U2. Let’s take a walk down Memory Lane to look at the best castmembers of all time. 10. Dan Aykroyd: Although Aykroyd was a little before my time, I have witnessed his greatness in reruns and various Best Of compilations. 9. Phil Hartman: Wouldn’t it be great if Andy Samberg created a digital short of Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer rapping? 8. Dana Carvey: Hans and Garth were so sexy. Then again, so was The Church Lady. 7. Tracy Morgan: “I wanna get you pregnant.” 6. Mike Myers: Myers had a full range of characters unlike players who did the same voice every time (I’m talking to you, Adam Sandler). 5. Amy Poehler: I’ve never seen one chick look sexy, ugly, childlike, grannylike, fat and skinny-- all in one show! 4. Eddie Murphy: I totally wanted to buy the “Buh-Weet Sings” record. O-Tay! 3. Kristen Wiig: Subtle yet hilarious. I’m still waiting for she and Jason Sudeikis to make a Two A-holes movie. 2. Chris Farley: I can’t decide if my favorite character was Gap Girl or Talk Show Interviewer because they were both brilliant. Somewhere Farley’s genius lives on...in a van... down by the river. 1. Will Ferrell: Possibly the most talented actor to graduate from SNL. He was quick on his feet and never broke character. Sheer excellence. Even his hair is funny.
Sept. 23 - 29, 2009 17
DOWN 1. Con game 2. Vagabond 3. Chief Norse god 4. Start over 5. Spreads sleeping sickness 6. Ringworm bush 7. Chocolate cookie 8. A Central American sloth 9. A human being 10. Walker 11. Not together 12. Twilled fabric 13. Male singing range 21. Creative work 25. 365 days 26. Net 27. Doing nothing 28. Loyal 29. Narrow-minded 30. Wadi 31. Concludes 34. Warmth 36. Modify written material 37. A prisoner’s room 38. Backside 40. Decorative case 45. Gawk at 48. A symbol of disgrace or infamy 50. Come forth 51. It’s shot from a bow 52. Depart 53. Deli item 54. Mountain crest 57. Midday 58. A very troublesome child 59. A girl’s toy 60. Bright thought 61. Tidy 62. Departed
Dallas Polo Club
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Blitz Weekly Funnies for the Week Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? A: “Oh look! Donut seeds!” Q: What happens if a lawyer takes Viagra? A: He will be taller. Q. What do women and police cars have in common? A. They both make a lot of noise to let you know they are coming. Q: What is the difference between a teacher and a pedophile? A: The pedophile truly loves children.
Three brothers just off the boat at Ellis Island are questioned by an Immigration Officer, who asks the first, “What is your name?” “Berl” he replies. The Officer says, “Beryl? You can’t have a name like that in America. From now on your name is ‘Buck.’” He turns to the second brother and says, “What is your name?” “Cheyl” he replies.”Cheyl? You can’t have a name like that in America. From now on your name will be ‘Chuck!’” He then asks the third brother, “And what’s your name?” “Schmerl,” he replies, “And I’m going back to Poland!”
Horrorscopes
Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 22)
Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)
Gemini (May 21 - Jan. 21)
You are the forgiving type and you don’t bear grudges. This makes you an a-hole. For your entire life people will make a complete pr!ck out of you. Nobody will go to your funeral.
You are the academic type and will probably end up working in the legal system. This means you are an absolute pervert, at the least a transvestite. Your ideal sexual partner is a puppy in tights.
Your star sign denotes an air of duality in your character. Simply, you’re a neurotic schizophrenic. A real frickin’ weirdo, the type of person who’d kill himself to win a bet.
Scorpio (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21)
Pisces (Feb. 19 - Mar. 20)
Cancer (Jun. 22 – Jul. 22)
You are sharp, a quick thinker and good at puzzles. However these are your only good traits. You screw small animals and love picking your nose. You should become a stunt performer with no helmet.
You are the eternal optimist, seeing the best of any situation. You have no grasp of reality and live in a dream world. Most people consider you to be the greatest living moron. You will continually fail.
You have a businesslike attitude to life and a knack for making money. You’re an unscrupulous bastard who would sell relative’s limbs to buy a mobile phone. You are likely to be murdered.
Sagittarius(Nov. 22 - Dec. 21)
Aries (Mar. 21 - Apr 19)
Leo (Jul. 23 - Aug. 22)
You are the romantic mushy type and a lover of the arts. You’re likely to import Dutch pornography and sex toys. You’re willing to rent Sleepless In Seattle to increase your odds for a romp in the sack.
Your headstrong and deliberate in your actions. Basically you don’t give a f*ck about anyone. Most people hate you but you couldn’t care less. You would masturbate at a wedding.
The adventurous type, always looking for thrills and willing to try anything. In other words, stupid. You have the IQ of a garden snail and will never amount to anything.
Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)
Taurus (Apr. 20 - May 20)
Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22)
You are deep and personal in your thoughts, the quiet type. A mean selfcentered bastard and a closet homosexual. Your best friend is probably an altar boy.
Warm and caring are your most endearing characteristics. You get on well with most people because you’re bisexual. You hardly ever wear underwear and you constantly smell of piss.
You like the good things in life and you know how to enjoy them. But you’re prone to bullsh!tting and you’re a cheap bastard. Virgo men are usually queers and the majority of Virgo women are whores.
blitzweekly.com
ACROSS 1. Not tall 6. Broth 10. History 14. Cyphers 15. Sea eagle 16. Sword 17. Put up with something 18. Close 19. Gosh! 20. Humdrum 22. Therefore 23. Resort 24. Marine mollusk 26. Setting 30. Agile Old World viverrine 32. Biblical garden 33. Cold-shoulder 35. Betel palm 39. A writing tablet 41. Old age 42. Equestrian 43. Serf 44. As well 46. Anagram of “Sail” 47. Vigorously passionate 49. Soft 51. Even though 54. Donation 55. Backside 56. Mating closely related individuals 63. Indian music 64. Former vice-president Al 65. Cowboy sport 66. Roasting appliance 67. Protective ditch 68. Gather 69. Whip mark 70. ___ meridiem 71. Cheer up
blitzweekly.com
18 Sept. 23 - 29, 2009
by: Pat Moran
“Man On His Throne”
pmoran@gmail.com
Crossword Solution
Where’s My Award? OMG! Did you check out the Emmy Awards this weekend? It was so awesome! Seeing all those worthwhile people get recognized for all their hard work on television. Award shows are so great, they make me so proud to be a young American. These people have done our country, nay...the world, a great and glorious service... they deserve to be respected.... Well, now I realize how hard it is to be sarcastic in writing. Irony doesn’t always translate well to the page. Anyways, I hate award shows. I hate them with such vehement passion that I cherish every moment that there isn’t an award show happening. Every morning I wake up, full of happiness and thank the gods above that there isn’t an award show that day. There is no point to these things. No point at all. The entire point of award shows are to honor those who have done exceptional work in their chosen field. It’s a way to acknowledge a situation or person who has committed an act of extreme excellence. The Nobel Prize, the Medal of Honor, the Pulitzer... The Daytime Emmy for best Soap Opera writing? Yeah, it’s really, really stupid when you
line them up like that. I have no problem with Hollywood. Hollywood gave up their consistence and dedication to making good work decades ago. Still, some amazing work slips by their vanguard of bullsh!t and gets recognized. I have no problem with this at all. I love good movies...Hell, I even love good TV (That’s an oxymoron if I’ve ever heard one). But to feel the need to bow down to these over hyped, over face lifted idiots is ridiculous. If I told you that I thought it would be a good idea to spend more than 3 hours watching vapid and stupid people dress up and stand around, you would call me a multitude of names including “Idiot, Moron and Dane Cook”. So why would people choose to do it? Why would you? You have nothing to gain from seeing George Clooney get his proverbial nuts wiped by the academy. So turn off the TV and do yourself a favor. I’m pretty sure this deserves an award. Anyone want to hold a ceremony?