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2014

N OVE MBE R

Blitz

INTELLIGENCE

6 Ebola is Here We delve into the disease and its potential impact on sports 8 A Place to Rape Universities and colleges have to think of new ways to combat assault 10 American Sniper A look into what may be Clint Eastwood’s last great film 14 Death of PC When political correctness is anything but 16 Style Time to step your shoe game all the way up

Publisher Kelly G. Reed Editor-in-Chief C. Craig Patterson Features Director Amber LaFrance Copy Chief Mark Miller Creative Director Jette Stephens Cover Design Jette Stephens Photo Editor Darryl Briggs

Staff Photographers John Breen, Dominic Ceraldi, Steven Hendrix, Michael Kolch, Rick Leal, Sandy McAnally Staff Writers Peter Gerstenzang, Ethan Harmon, Keysha Hogan, Martin Iheke, Frank LaCosta, Lance LeVan, Will Martin Contributing Photographers/Artists Herman Layos, Joey Stewart Village Road Show Pictures Contributing Writers Steven Doyle, Andrew J. Hewett, Lance Rinker, Chris Sick

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18 Feed Me Steven Doyle explores the affordable side of dining

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UFC 180

NOVEMBER 2014

Preview FIGHT CLUB

BY LANCE LEVAN – @LANCELEVAN1 UFC 180 is being held in Mexico City, Mexico, on Saturday, Nov. 15. In my opinion, this is going to be a very exciting and action-packed fight card. All three of the top fights have fighters who may be in the hall of fame sooner or later. Even though Diego Sanchez, Joe Lauzon and Cain Velasquez dropped out due to injuries, the fighters filling in are in the Top 10 for their weight class. All of these fights have the makings for “Fight of the Night.” (No. 1) Fabricio “Vai Cavalo” Werdum (18-5-1) vs. (No. 4) Mark “Super Samoan” Hunt (10-8-1) This is going to be a five-round heavyweight (260 pounds) title fight and definitely one of those fights I have got to watch. I always enjoy watching matches between top contenders like this fight. I have been waiting for Werdum to get a shot at the title. He is an awesome competitor. Werdum is a second-degree black belt in BJJ and an extremely high-level grappling competitor. Hunt is a knockout artist who can end anyone’s night with one punch. Hunt has fought (and lost) to a famous list of top-level fighters. However, he is 5-2-1 in the Octagon with some notable/ dominating wins over some big name opponents. His fight with Antonio Silva in December 2013 was an epic battle. It will be very exciting to see which style is going to prevail. These guys also are very quick on their feet. It will be interesting to see if Werdum can stand and trade with Hunt. If the fight goes to the ground (which it will), I wonder if Werdum’s BJJ is good enough to neutralize Hunt’s devastating ground-and-pound. This is an especially tough match to try and predict. I think, in this instance once again, I am going to side with the experience. Werdum is more well rounded and brings more to the fight. My prediction: Werdum wins via TKO in the third round. (No. 8) Jake “The Juggernaut” Ellenberger (29-8-0) vs. (No. 11) Kelvin “Mini Cain” Gastelum (10-0-0) This is a three-round welterweight (170 pounds) fight. This is going to be an awesome fight. Seeing as how Gastelum is of Mexican descent, he is going to be a huge crowd favorite. He also is undefeated in the Octagon. I have seen this kid fight and he is very underrated. People and critics keep counting him out and he just keeps winning. He has a wrestling background, a purple belt in BJJ and is very young and athletic. Ellenberger also is a wrestler and BJJ purple belt. Usually these fighters use some of their wrestling, but the majority of their fights are finished with striking. It would be very interesting to see it go to the ground and find out which one has the better ground game. Ellenberger is on a two-fight losing streak and I am certain he is looking to get back in the win column. He would love nothing more than to wreck Gastelum’s perfect 10-0 record in the cage. Gastelum just keeps taking down everyone the UFC puts in front of him. However, in his last fight (June 28), he did not make weight (172.75 pounds). This is one of the fastest ways to piss off Dana White and the UFC and get them to cut you from the UFC fight roster. Gastelum took full responsibility and swore it would never happen again. We will see. I think if either fighter decisively wins this fight, he may move further up the rankings ladder…closer to a title shot. I think this is going to be a good test for both fighters. However, I have to make a prediction. And I have to go with the winning streak on this one. Gastelum is looking outstanding at this point. My prediction: Gastelum wins by unanimous decision.

(No. 4) Ricardo “The Bully” Lamas (14-3-0) vs. (No. 8) Dennis “The Menace” Bermudez (15-3-0) This is a featherweight (145 pounds) fight that should be action-packed. Both of these guys are in the Top 10 for their weight class and for good reason. Lamas has won five of his last six fights. His last loss was to current reigning champion Jose Aldo by judges decision. Bermudez is on a seven-fight win streak and doesn’t show any sign of slowing down. His last fight was against Clay Guida, whom he submitted via rear naked choke. Lamas is a black belt in BJJ and a wrestler. Bermudez has good submissions and is a wrestler. Between the two of them, I fully expect this fight to be one of the fiercest competitions of the night with the potential to be “Fight of the Night.” Even though both of these guys are comfortable fighting on the ground I get the feeling they both want to keep it on the feet and trade punches all night. If either of them gets taken down, watch to see how fast they get back to the feet and start throwing bombs again. An impressive win here could get either of them back on track in the rankings. These guys are not known for stalling or trying to win by points. They go out and try to wreak havoc on their opponents. You will not see them try to win by “not losing.” They will leave everything they have in the ring for 15 minutes. My prediction: Bermudez wins via TKO in the third round.

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Disagree with me about the UFC 180 matches? Let me know via Twitter @BlitzWeekly and we’ll see who has better picks the night of the fights.

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EBOLA IS HERE 6

NOVEMBER 2014

How sporting events could be the mechanism Ebola needs to latch on in the United States

BY LANCE RINKER – @LANCEMRINKER

magine places where a disease such as Ebola could have its pick of the litter among a potential victim pool in the tens of thousands of people. Now imagine such places exist. They do – we call them sports stadiums and arenas. Ebola is extremely infectious but not extremely contagious. The reason it is infectious is because even the tiniest speck of the disease can cause illness in a person. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) consider Ebola to be moderately contagious because the virus is not transmitted through the air. Instead, you would need to come into direct contact with it to become infected. The National Football League sent a newsletter outlining the basic facts about the Ebola virus to all team doctors and trainers for distribution to players and staff. The league said the newsletter was written by the Duke Infection Control Outreach Network (DICON), the league’s infectious disease consultants, and sent to the league’s 32 teams on Monday, Oct. 13. According to this newsletter, perceptions of risk of acquiring Ebola have been skewed in many news articles about the importation of Ebola into the United States. Even if additional imported cases of Ebola occur in the future, this risk among persons not involved with the direct care of sick patients almost certainly will remain far lower than the risk of other rare causes of death such as dying from a dog bite or attack (1 in 104,000), lightning strikes (1 in 136,000) or a plane crash (1 in 1,100,000). Obviously you can’t contract a disease as deadly as Ebola when it requires direct contact, so what does direct contact even mean?

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If you come into contact with the bodily fluids of an infected person, or contaminated objects from an infected person, then you are at greater risk of contracting the virus. Direct contact involves broken skin or mucous membranes in, for example, the eyes, nose, or mouth with: • blood or body fluids (including but not limited to urine, saliva, sweat, feces, vomit, breast milk, and semen) of a person who is sick with Ebola • objects (like needles and syringes) that have been contaminated with the virus • infected animals Ebola is not spread through the air or by water, or in general, by food. However, in Africa, Ebola may be spread as a result of handling bush meat (wild animals hunted for food) and contact with infected bats. There is no evidence that mosquitoes or other

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insects can transmit Ebola virus. Only mammals (for example, humans, bats, monkeys, and apes) have shown the ability to become infected with and spread Ebola virus. According to leading health experts with the CDC, the Ebola virus can survive on doorknobs and other hard surfaces for several hours, but can survive in bodily fluids for days or even weeks. Naturally, healthcare providers caring for Ebola patients, including family and friends in close contact with Ebola patients, are at the highest risk of getting sick. During outbreaks the disease has the potential to spread quickly within healthcare settings where hospital staff members are not wearing appropriate protective equipment, including masks, gowns, gloves and eye protection. How many professional or amateur sports stadiums do you know of where staff are covered head to toe in medical protective wear? The problem with Ebola, and what makes it so dangerous to people with first-world ‘problems,’ is that early symptoms also are symptoms of other viral infections such as the common cold or flu. Those symptoms include fever, headache, body aches, cough, stomach pain, vomiting, and diarrhea. The disease is disturbingly infectious in the sense that an Ebola patient is a significant risk: As the patient’s symptoms worsen, the patient can begin projectile vomiting and experiencing explosive diarrhea, bodily fluids that, if you come into contact with, could pose a major health risk in healthy persons. According to a July New York Times article, the average wait time for a person to see their primary care

physician right here in the Metroplex is one week. In other areas of the country such as Houston, Los Angeles or even our nation’s capital, the wait to see a doctor can be well over two weeks. That would give the Ebola virus plenty of time to go unchecked by a healthcare provider. The time it takes from exposure to Ebola to actually getting sick, known as the incubation period, is anywhere from two to 21 days, but most people who are infected with Ebola will develop early symptoms eight to nine days after exposure to the virus, according to the CDC. Specific tests for antibodies against Ebola and viral DNA help doctors make a conclusive diagnosis. Again, therein lies the problem. While one infected person could infect one or two other people at a time, according to reproductive rates based on contact, all it would take is for one or two infected person to attend a major sporting event to potentially spread the disease to hundreds, thousands, or even tens of thousands of people. Nassim Taleb, author of Fooled by Randomness and The Black Swan, explained to Business Insider last month that what people don’t understand about Ebola is the multiplication. Taleb said many people talking about the disease don’t “have a grasp of the severity of the multiplicative process.” According to Taleb, the argument from some that the United States should be more worried about a disease like cancer, which has more stable rates of infection than Ebola does currently, is a logic he calls “the empiricism of the idiots.” The idea that the growth of Ebola infection is nonlinear, so the number of other people being infected doubles every 20 days, is something that “... is much more rational to prevent it now than later,” he said. “If you have to overreact about something, this is the place to overreact.” Currently, there is no vaccine for the Ebola virus and the only medication being made available to some patients is an experimental, antibodybased medication, according to David C. Pigott, MD. He is a professor of emergency medicine at the University of Alabama-Birmingham and published a 2005 review of the Ebola virus in Critical Care Clinics Journal. That experimental drug is called ZMapp, made by Mapp Biopharmaceutical, and Pigott said the U.S. Food and Drug Administration has yet to approve any treatment for Ebola in humans. Developed in early 2014, ZMapp is produced in plants and has not yet been found to be safe for use in people, according to the manufacturer. Researchers from the National Institute of Health report the vaccines currently in development

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have been effective at preventing Ebola infections in animal studies, but nothing more. The research itself is not without controversy, as animal rights groups are offended that apes are being used for Ebola vaccine research purposes when their populations are dwindling and in danger of extinction. At this stage of the game, the only way to effectively test out the experimental drugs on

Have you ever sat next to someone who is coughing or sneezing throughout the event? You may not be able to contract the virus from someone who currently isn’t showing visible signs of Ebola, but in a packed house at a sporting event, how many people do you come into physical contact with in some form who would make you confident in saying your own personal odds of contracting the virus are nil?

That forecast has since been updated to reflect a reach of upwards of 20,000 people around that same timeframe. More than 5,000 people have lost their lives as a result of the virus, from more than 9,000 recorded cases of infection so far. The epidemic continues to spiral out of control in the three hardest-hit West African countries of Liberia, Sierra Leone and Guinea.

health workers and training medical responders, flight crews and airport workers on how to report a sick passenger to the CDC in case isolation becomes necessary. At the end of the day, there certainly is cause for concern with one of the most dangerous diseases on the planet gaining a foothold in the United States through sports. But at the same time, scientists and public health officials have

THE NFL, AT THE RECOMMENDATION OF DICON, BELIEVES THERE IS NO REASON TO SCREEN PLAYERS OR STAFF TO MAKE SURE THEY HAVE NOT HAD CLOSE CONTACT WITH ANYONE WHO TRAVELED TO OR FROM AREAS WHERE EBOLA IS NOW ENDEMIC.

humans is if someone were to volunteer to be injected with the vaccine containing the Ebola virus and take a wait and see approach. So far, no one has stepped forward to volunteer. However, Pigott said people are not at risk of infection unless they come into direct contact with bodily fluids of an infected person, the more dangerous being vomiting, secretions from coughing or sneezing, or sweat from a fever. At any major sporting event there are countless numbers of people who cough, sneeze, vomit and sweat in close proximity to a group of other event-goers. With the virus being capable of surviving for several hours on door knobs or other hard surfaces, and add in the fact that the virus can sustain itself in bodily fluids for at least several days, opportunities are rampant for the virus to spread. How often are you bumping into others at packed stadiums? What about the public restrooms; are you using those?

The NFL, at the recommendation of DICON, believes there is no reason to screen players or staff to make sure they have not had close contact with anyone who traveled to or from areas where Ebola is now endemic. W e do recommend that medical personnel educate their players and staff about the need to inform club medical personnel in the unlikely event that they actually have such contact. This information can then be used along with consultation with local public health departments and local infectious disease experts to assess whether any further actions are needed. - NFL Newsletter sent to all 32 teams The World Health Organization said in midOctober the Ebola infection rate could soon reach 10,000 a week as world leaders prepared to hold talks on the crisis at the United Nations. WHO assistant director general Bruce Aylward, describing his figures as a working forecast, said the epidemic “could reach 5,000 to 10,000 cases per week by the first week of December.

Ebola was first discovered in 1976, with outbreaks surfacing from time to time ever since. While current figures suggest a survival rate of 50 percent in disease stricken countries, the true impact isn’t as easily noticed. In the current outbreak, nearly 70 percent of those infected have died, according to the CDC. Ebola may be relatively new in the United States, in the sense that this is the first serious outbreak the public has been aware of, but it should not be taken lightly. With just a handful of Americans infected with Ebola, millions of others are already infected with panic and fear.

repeatedly urged Americans not to panic about Ebola. The following websites and agencies provide upto-date information about the epidemiology and transmission of Ebola virus: • cdc.gov/vhf/ebola/index.html • globalhealth.duke.edu/ebola • who.int/csr/disease/ebola/en/

More than half of U.S. adults worry that there will be a large-scale Ebola outbreak across the next year, according to a recent Harvard poll. Those numbers have climbed from an earlier Harvard poll, which found that about 40 percent of American adults this summer were worried about an Ebola outbreak. In an effort to protect U.S. public health, the CDC now is building up its capacity for testing and surveillance, in conjunction with educating

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A Place To College campuses across the country have had to come terms with an inconvenient truth. SEXUAL ASSAULT is not just everyone else’s problem.

RAPE BY CHRIS SICK – @CHRISSICK

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hen asked to write this piece, my first response was “I’m not the right person for the job.” The editor, C. Craig Patterson, had asked me to write about how sexual assaults have become a huge part of college life for female students. For any number of reasons, I’m obviously not the right person for this job. There’s no shortage of women who can speak as eloquently and informed, if not more so, than I can about these issues, while also speaking from personal experience. Certainly there is no shortage of talented women writers here at Columbia University where the editor and I know one another. Studies have consistently shown that one-infive female students will experience a sexual assault during their college careers. To be a man on a college campus today means that you almost certainly know at least one woman who has lived through a sexual assault. I suggested that a woman, virtually any woman, might be better suited to building a brief case for why sexual assault isn’t just widespread, but on college campuses is part of the college experience. The answer was pretty simple: “this audience won’t hear that message coming from a woman.” I wanted to argue the point, but truth be told, I don’t see a lot of evidence to counter it. The truth is, that’s the entire problem. We’ve got a whole society that doesn’t want to treat women as fully human, and not hearing them out is probably among the less-lethal examples of that bigger problem. It isn’t like women haven’t and aren’t speaking up about these issues. Whether it’s journalists and opinion writers on the receiving end of death and rape threats, video game critics being threatened with mass shootings at public appearances, or an artist threatened with death for mocking men who send her unsolicited nude photos…women quite literally are risking death to tell people about their experiences.

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as well or better than I can in the space of a 1,000-word article. But that signal often is lost in the noise of a national debate focused on whether these issues matter at all. Because there exists an entire industry of analysts, journalists, opinion-makers, and talking heads who want to tell you why there’s nothing to see here. Why the numbers are wrong, the statistics are misleading, the victims are unconvincing, or

already lost. But there’s a far greater risk to a disingenuous national debate that reduces real issues any reasonable society might have a moral investment in solving into mere political points to be scored or lost in advance of midterm elections. Reducing an issue that ought to be a moral imperative down to the level of stupidity required for endless cable news debate has real, significant costs. Most simply, it allows

One-infive female students will experience a sexual assault during their college careers.

But instead of them, you get me. It isn’t like I’m uniquely qualified for the job. The facts are all over the Internet, from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention studies to the recent announcement from the United Nation’s World Heath Organization that violence against women is a worldwide epidemic. If you can manage a Google search, you can educate yourself on these issues

that the entire problem is not sexual assaults and women’s rights, but rather that we let them out of the kitchen and onto the campus in the first place.

those not directly touched by the issue to look away. To find some reason to opt out of the debate, or retreat into a comfortable apathy: “Hey, it’s not my issue.”

If those arguments sound appealing or persuasive to you, there’s likely little I can write that will change your mind. Put simply, you’re

But the numbers can tell you the lie of that. It’s 7 a.m. as I type away at this, trying to stay comfortable hunched over the keyboard in

the corner of a student lounge on the campus I share with nearly 30,000 other students. Looking over the other students getting an early morning start on midterm studying, I do a quick estimate. The numbers suggest to me that at least two of the 10 women in the room have been sexually assaulted. It’s a depressing experiment, but regardless, it’s one I encourage you to repeat, because it doesn’t matter if we’re talking student lounges, METRO cars, Saturday night singles bars, or wherever else. Inside of college or out, the numbers of violence, sexual assault, and rape against women is staggeringly high. And my job is to convince you not to look away from those facts. As depressing as the statistics are, the fact that there’s a need for someone to draw your attention to them at all should be even more so. The fact that there are efforts in mainstream media to discredit these facts, to distort and spin or explain them away is downright disturbing. Behind and below these reasonable sounding voices lurk men willing to declare their contempt for women, either behind the anonymity of the Internet or when safely in a pack of like-thinking men. As I’ve said, I don’t expect to move you if you firmly believe that women aren’t deserving of equal rights, or that issues of sexual assaults on campus are attributable to women drinking too much or dressing too revealingly. You’re already lost and I’ve very little hope I, or anyone else, can bring you back. But if you’re just on the sidelines, if you’re sitting out the fight, I’m here to tell you it’s your fight, too. Not simply because of the staggering numbers, not because of the tired old appeal that each victim could be your mother, sister, lover, wife, daughter. But because each predator could be your friends, your brothers, your father, it could easily be you, reading this right now. And of course, I’m speaking to men, because the statistics show that, by and large, it is the men who are the perpetrators of violence and rape. Women can – and do – avoid drinking too much, consider what they wear, plan routes to avoid catcalling, wear special nail polish, defensive underwear, or learn martial arts and how to use a gun. But it isn’t enough, and so long as men anywhere are sitting by on the sidelines thinking it’s not their issue, it never will be. It never will be enough until men, en masse, change how they think and feel about women. And the only place to start is to promise not to look away. WWW.BLITZWEEKLY.COM

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IS AMERICAN SNIPER EASTWOOD’S FINAL OPUS?

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his films, and what inspires his work. It’s what captivates audiences and draws flocks of people to flood into movie theaters. And this is why it’s fitting for American Sniper to be his final piece. For those who do not know, American Sniper reenacts the real-life events, and battles, of the now famous Chris Kyle, the Texas native and former Navy SEAL with more than 150 recorded kills. The trailer, although very minimalist, houses an incredible amount of drama, intensity, and expression, particularly regarding familial sacrifice, honor, freedom, and all of the glory and sadness that comes with it. The film stars Bradley Cooper, an Oscar nominee and Hollywood powerhouse, not to mention household name. Cooper, at least in the trailer, portrays Kyle with passion and vigor.

]

American Sniper will only see a limited release when it comes out on Christmas Day, which means theaters will be packed with the lucky few who get tickets to fill those seats. This is not necessarily an independent film, per se, but it will not fit into the mainstream spectrum, let alone feature a massive amount of promotion and advertisement. In fact, the film, even with its star power, is rather unknown amongst moviegoers.

With more than 50 years in the business, more than 70 movies under his belt, and 4 Oscars on his mantle, Clint Eastwood still takes one more shot. BY ETHAN HARMON – EHARMON@BLITZWEEKLY.COM

lint Eastwood is a name that, somehow, is able to bridge a significant generational gap. Whether you remember the sixshooting, gun-slinging of The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, feeling very lucky while facing a .44 magnum in the Dirty Harry films, or watching his Oscar-winner Million Dollar Baby, everyone knows the name Clint Eastwood. The actor/director has seen a massive rise over the last several decades, particularly on the directorial front. After stunning audiences with Million Dollar Baby – which won four Oscars and several other awards – Eastwood would go on to direct several other films, all of which shined a spotlight on social issues, historical monuments, and human

nature while also receiving massive critical acclaim. Now, Eastwood is releasing his latest picture, American Sniper, although in limited release, which begs the question: Is this the last one? Is this the final opus to the legendary actor and director? Well, put simply, the answer could possibly be “yes.” And, not to sound too rude, but this could be due to age. Yes, Eastwood is now 84, and still pushing the limits of cinema. And pushed he has, housing one of the most impressive Hollywood careers ever. But he cannot continue to do this forever. With a library of westerns and actionthrillers in his corner, a load of well-received directorial ventures, and awards sitting on a night

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stand, Eastwood would be in good standing to cap off his career with this final picture. Yet let’s consider the main theme surrounding Eastwood’s movies, or at least, the ones he’s directed. Many, if not all, of his films center around the ideals of the “American Dream” and what it truly means. Whether it’s the personal sacrifice and struggle to maintain and secure it, the suffering and ultimate triumph because of it, the revelations of our inner-selves and personal growth due to it, Eastwood always finds a way to place our minds, and our hearts with the ideals and feelings surrounding the “American Dream.” It’s what he’s grown up believing, along with many of us, and it is his symbol. It’s the very thing that drives

But it’s due to the star power of Eastwood and Cooper that this film more than likely will shine and become an instant classic within the movie theaters crowded with see-it-and-forgetit blockbusters. It should be no surprise that American Sniper already is generating a lot of buzz within the Hollywood circuit, and there has even been mention of Oscars in its future. Again, this is no surprise due to its subject matter and those involved in the project. Will the drama of an American hero elevate this crew, and Eastwood, to the height of Oscars? It remains to be seen, but it does seem extremely plausible. Although this movie does carry a lot of weight, both with its cast and on a metaphorical level, the trailer seems to display a more personal message. Within the flashes of a loving, and potentially shattered personal life, between the

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Brad Cooper takes aim at winning an Oscar.

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bullets and horrors of war, there seems to be something a little extra buried inside of American Sniper; something that is itching to be seen and analyzed and talked about. It almost seems as if Eastwood has chosen this story, this script, this film to become the message of his departure. There are shots of family and happiness (perhaps a metaphor of his early years as a young actor). There are shots of sadness (maybe representing the hardships throughout a stellar career). There are depictions of loss, and there is the main focus, which is a sniper doing what he does best, just as the director is doing what he does best.

themes that are readily present in other Eastwood films. It is easily an Oscar contender and will pull in droves of local movie-goers – although not box-office-shattering numbers due to its limited release. And it seems to be a film that holds a personal message.

Perhaps, and this may be a bit of a reach, the film itself has been crafted not only to entertain those who watch it, but also explain and somewhat chronicle the life and times of a man who experienced something – not similar – but correlated with this true story. It could be a possibility that American Sniper was chosen for a very specific purpose; one outside of just telling of an actual American sniper.

It’s not a bad thing. This is a man who has been a star for decades. This is a man who has blown audiences away with his movies, both the ones he has starred in and directed. And this is a man who has become a walking legend of the silver screen. American Sniper may be the one to end it, but it should not be thought of with sadness, but instead with a smile. For Clint Eastwood to create this film, and to end it with a statement and go out in a blaze of glory, is something to be celebrated and something to be admired. Go see this movie when it comes out, then go back and watch all of the old classics that led up to this moment.

Now, this brings us back to the original point, and what this film may mean. This film already seems to encapsulate all of the symbolism and

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Will this be the final opus, the grand finale of Clint Eastwood? Will he put everything into one last movie, leaving audiences begging for more, before walking away for good? It seems very likely, almost guaranteed, that this will be the one to end the career of the Hollywood legend.

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Misha

Herman Layos Model: Misha Evan MUA and Hairstylist: Marylu Artistry Wardrobe: Volee de Moineaux Designs SMARTER, SHARPER MEN

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NOVEMBER 2014

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The Limitations of

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS The Unexpected Virtue of Malevolence BY PETER GERSTENZANG – PZANG7@OPTONLINE.NET

t’s funny how you can use certain terms for years and years, only to find out you were completely wrong about their definition. Take “waterboarding,” for instance. I was sure it was what young kids did until they were ready for actual surfing. No wonder that girl didn’t go out with me this summer when I suggested it as our first date.

That same misconception goes for the term “political correctness.” I always was sure it was simply invented to stop racial slurs. The use of which, I’m totally against. Especially when the end result is you being shot in the head and getting car-jacked. So, being a liberal, I basically was for the idea of being “PC.” However, like everything else that starts out well-intentioned, political correctness has grown motheaten and meaningless over the years. I knew the expression was bankrupt when I recently heard Rush Limbaugh refer to someone as an “African-American gentleman.” It just didn’t ring true. Especially from a guy whose favorite song is Old Black Joe. So I decided to do some research among a variety of my fellow Americans and ask them what PC words, titles, and phrases they now found absurd. Sometimes their honesty was refreshing. Other times, painful. Like the guy who said I wasn’t a “satirist” at all. He’d read my stuff and said I was an unfunny “Jew boy” who told crappy jokes. Most of which hadn’t “needed a few more years of aging in that swill pail I call a brain.” Which made me think maybe we shouldn’t get rid of political correctness just yet. Simply fine-tune it a bit. Andy L., a construction worker who lives on Cape Cod, is essentially a liberal. But he’s also tired of feeling, like in a sci-fi movie, that he should have an auto-correct chip implanted in his head. Just in case his brain contains a politically incorrect synapse, which makes him say the wrong thing. And subsequently gets him slapped in the face. “I mean, where do I begin?” Andy asks, like he’s been

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waiting 20 years to be asked this question. “I was dating this girl, excuse me, woman (what’s the cutoff date anyway?). It was wintertime and we were building with snow a very familiar site to anyone not from the planet Klingon. We molded it into human form, made a head, legs, arms, everything you find in Grey’s Anatomy, except for the genitals. I figured, these days, there’s a patrol out there, checking for Snow Porn! After we put the scarf around the neck and pipe in the mouth, I said to my date, ‘Now, that’s a snowman.’ This gal actually got angry at me. She said, ‘You mean Snow Person, right?’ I was in a kind of cheeky mood, so I replied, ‘Well, we did build most of it with snowballs. So, it seems to me, it’s a snow man.’ She got really angry and said that was sexist. The rest of the date was pretty tense, as you can imagine. I was glad of one thing, though. That I found out how PC this lady was. One year of marriage to her and I’d probably have no more snowballs myself. That was my last date with her.” Andy, who sounds like he could write a book on the subject, also told me that this PC business, now filtering into football, has driven him crazy. Like pretty much the rest of America. “Here’s the deal,” Andy said. “If The Washington Redskins are offensive to Native Americans, are The New York Giants offensive to midgets? I mean ‘Little People.’ Or, uh, people who are ‘vertically-challenged’? No short people have stopped going to see the Giants, I’ve noticed. So what’s all this crap about the Redskins?” Finally, Andy remembered a time when golfing great and sex machine Tiger Woods once said at a post-tournament press conference, that he “putted like a spaz.” And was taken to task for it, by some group that probably formed last week and is getting tax breaks up the wazoo (quick question, is “wazoo” an Indian, I mean Native-American term?). Andy tells me, he laughed when he heard Tiger’s term. But a certain portion of PC viewers were very upset at his fifthgrade language.

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“It was after a match and he was tired,” Andy says. “Was he supposed to say that he stroked it like someone with a ‘muscular motor disorder’? Where the hell is this going to end?!” Liz K.. a waitress from Missouri, has more problems with political correctness than she does admitting she comes from St Louis. She told me, not long ago, she got caught up in the jellied napalm fight Fox News has subtlety titled, “The War On Christmas.” She meant well, did Liz. But she got reamed regardless by a guy who might as well have been a proctologist administering a barium enema. “Last year,” says this outspoken Midwestern gal, “I got an amazing amount of crap for wishing someone a ‘Happy Holiday.’ And this was a friend! They went on to bitch about season’s greetings cards as well. For God’s sake, I have vintage cards that go back to the freaking Edwardian Era that say ‘Happy Holidays’! Because they were holidays! You know, plural. Like Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and New Year’s Eve. I also told them that not everyone is a Christian (although Fox News has a name for them: “Communists”!). It worked out nicely though. Because it knocked a lot of people off my Christmas card list. I have a bad wrist and I think it will improve considerably this year what with all the PC dopes who will not be getting cards. So, thank you guys for being so hypersensitive. My mother thanks you, my father thanks you, probably your mother and father thank you, too. I bet they’re not sending you cards, either!” Artie F., a high school teacher from The Bronx, has two complaints. Which is sort of amazing. Because neither of them has anything to do with coming from the Bronx. But, he also feels slightly shackled by the

NOVEMBER 2014

stick in the phrase, ‘racial and social justice.’ That always seems to slide stuff through without these nuts holding a town meeting. Or looking at you like you should be hanging from the nearest Dutch Elm tree. Which hopefully is full of disease. And please tell any Dutch person reading this that I mean no offense. I know you didn’t create this disease intentionally. And even if your forbearers did, I forgive you. Now, since, we’re on the subject of forgiveness, I’m Jewish. So, can you do the same for my people and Jesus Christ? Maybe my Uncle Pincus was involved in the Crucifixion. But it was a really long time ago. Pick on someone whose ancestors wore Roman sandals and a toga for a change, okay?” Being PC is particularly hard for Gerry S. a sound engineer hailing from Minneapolis. Gerry’s one of those guys who makes life more vibrant and fun for the rest of us, because he’s simply a colorful guy (“colorful” is okay, I had it cleared by a special committee that appreciates that no particular color is specified.) Gerry takes a certain indecent pleasure in giving uptight people a poke in the ribs when it comes to their deeply held political correctness. Which is why he makes a good poster boy for being Un-PC, at least part of the time. He is, unfortunately, hampered by his sense of humor. But, he can’t help it. That’s genetic. “One of the things I hate not being able to do in public,” says this large, jolly man, is yell, ‘Bitch, be cool,’ to the person I’m with, gal or guy. I do a great Samuel L. Jackson and it bothers me that a white guy can’t imitate him without getting wrathful stares. It does seem to offend everybody in the room. So sometimes I do it, just because it makes me feel good.”

[S]he got caught up in the jellied napalm fight Fox News has subtlety titled, “The War On Christmas.” chains of being so darn careful when you write or speak. Of course, he gets in trouble even when he says the simplest things. Which are usually misinterpreted. But that’s definitely because he’s from The Bronx. “I know it may sound insensitive,” Artie says, “but I hate the term, ‘differently abled.’ Also, I can’t stand anything that ends in ‘challenged.’ The one exception was when I was teaching in the South Bronx and was usually the only white guy in the room. One of my students said that it wasn’t my fault for being white. And that I was ‘melanistically challenged.’ I thought that was a good one.” It’s hard not to agree with Artie regarding that last appellation. Certainly, because it’s clever. Also, it takes so long to say. And as someone who hated school, anything that eats up time that might otherwise be devoted to algebra is okay with me. Race came up again, thousands of miles from The Bronx. Where, let’s face it, most sensible people want to be. Unless they’re “geographically challenged.” Lewis K., who works in TV in Portland, has a couple of his own PC bitches. No, that’s not anti-woman talk. So please don’t send me a missive telling me how nonplussed you are (see, I can do PC talk, too). Lewis’ problems? “My personal pet peeve is the use of the word “folks” by white empowered people when they want to make themselves sound like they care about the contributions of all “stake holders” (another word I can’t stand). I find it patronizing because white empowered people still do whatever they want. If you want to get your statement through all the bureaucracy you have to deal with these days, always make sure to

What else Gerry? “Also, I can’t believe tension gathers in the room if I ever use euphemisms for certain acts of selfgratification. Which I mostly do when something goes wrong and I don’t want to curse in front of people. In the past year I’ve been chided for saying stuff like, ‘Flogging the dolphin’ or ‘Wrestling the Bishop.’ The second one really gets me in trouble if there are any religious people nearby. I know that folks have no sense of humor anymore. But have they forgotten what symbolism is, too? It’s heartbreaking,” he says, before exploding into peals of laughter. So finally, one wonders if there’s a moral here. Certainly, bigotry is atrocious. And making fun of the physically-impaired is wrong, too. But what about those who are mentally impaired? That would include most talk radio personalities and pretty much all of the on-air talent of Fox News. Who have the combined IQ of a softball. It seems that right-wingers have made the use of politically-correct language pretty much meaningless. Because they’re the only people still using it. So, as in all sticky situations in life, everyone, just do the best you can. As a writer, I can assure you, that words are important. But they will just take you so far. But now that an indescribably bigoted jerk like Rush Limbaugh, that drug-addicted, hateful, fat clown (okay, “portly”) uses words like “mentallychallenged,” and “African-American,” you can see that a lot of this careful talk is just ridiculous. So, dear readers, be politically correct whenever possible. But judging from the folks in America who now employ this questionable way of speaking? Well, in our great Republic? In this still new century? When it comes to how you express yourself, pretty much all bets are off. WWW.BLITZWEEKLY.COM

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FIVE PAIRS YOU NEED RIGHT NOW BY AMBER LAFRANCE – ALAFRANCE@BLITZWEEKLY.COM Fall is upon us, which not only means football and cooler climates, but footwear and cooler clothes. Nothing finishes off an outfit like the right pair of shoes. With the right footwear you’ll be sure to put the finishing touches on all of your fall fashion trends. Remember fellas, ladies look at the whole package! You can tell a lot about a man by the shoes he wears. Below are five pairs for fall that would make me do a double-take, at the full package.

01 The Desert Boot. These boots are perfect for random fall heat waves; hey they’re unavoidable and can be very unfortunate, especially if you’re not wearing socks. Choose a suede pair in a sandy or brown tone, or be a little more daring and go for navy blue or burnt orange. Suede is one of my all-time favorite materials when purchasing shoes. Do yourself a favor and buy suede leather protector and immediately spray them when you get home to avoid ruining your new purchase. I love Ben Sherman’s Cleg Suede Desert Boots in Chocolate. Pair them with a flannel shirt and jean jacket, or a blazer and tailored dress pants for a unique workday look. They’re breathable, durable and able to hold up in most weather conditions, which makes them perfect for Texas. SMARTER, SHARPER MEN

02 The Leather Sneaker. This fall, you’re allowed to wear sneakers with pretty much anything. I’m a big fan of this new spin on the classic Converse high-top. Their Holiday 2014 Jack Purcell Moto Jacket Sneaker Collection is seriously awesome and clearly inspired by the leather motorcycle jacket – a timeless wardrobe staple. Made with beautiful leather and a quilted heel accent (inspired by the ribbed padding of the jacket), the sneaker was released in black/black and white/ white on October 17. 03 The Chelsea Boot. Trust me I get it. You’re from Texas, you “should” wear cowboy boots. I personally hate traditional cowboy boots on anyone. They’re pointy and they prevent guys from wearing fitted pants (please don’t ever, ever

tuck your jeans in, dudes!) Hey, they may make you a teeny bit taller, but they just don’t do it for me. I say, make an impression and get yourself a pair of dapper Chelsea dress boots. The style is timeless and honestly, it makes you look like a 60s rockstar. From conference rooms, to sticky bar floors, these boots are crafted for everyday wear. Pair them with dress slacks, dark blue or black jeans and forget the laces. I love Aldo’s leather “Lawrence” boot in black. 04 The Sporty Sneaker. New Balance’s aren’t just for dads anymore. The brand has been killing it recently the past few seasons by creating new versions of its classic sneaker. I can’t get enough of the 565 Retro Sneaker (there also are similar styles for the ladies) and I dig it in navy blue and orange.

Culture Hype

These shoes look sporty, but in a put-together kind of way. Pair them with your favorite denim or fitted, cropped dress pants. 05 The Combat Boot. Think of such boots as a portal into your inner badass. They’re armyinspired and sort of resemble the style of 90s Doc Martens; they make you look effortless and stylish at the same time. They will last year-round through rain, snow, sleet or whatever else Mother Nature has in store for us this winter. I love H&M’s inexpensive (and leather-free) version of the army boot. My favorite way to style a pair is slightly undone, with the laces loose and your jeans carelessly half-shoved inside.

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FOOD NOVEMBER 2014

the

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BY STEVEN DOYLE – WWW.CRAVEDFW.COM

YOU DON’T HAVE TO BREAK THE BANK TO ENJOY A GREAT MEAL As you can well tell we enjoy a great meal. That usually means beef in Dallas. Big steaks that come with an even bigger price tag. But where do you dine when you are on a budget? We searched the city to find some of the sweeter deals on the cheap (and even free) and have compiled the list so you can save up for your next rib-eye at Nick and Sam’s.

Soup and Sandwich With the cooler weather rifting our way, nothing beats a great bowl of hearty soup. And nothing spells bargain quite like the perfect combination of the soup and sandwich lunch. Monkey King Noodles: At Monkey King, located at 3014 Main in Deep Ellum, you will find several fantastic soup options. Choose from the spicy beef or chicken, both made with hand-crafted noodles while you wait. The tender beef shank is slow braised and kissed with a spicy chili oil for a perfect wintery bow that is large enough to share for a mere $8. The Grape: One of the finest bowls of soup in Dallas, the mushroom soup at The Grape has been on the menu for 42 years. You will enjoy this cheap to eat treat for a mere $4. DaLat Vietnamese: With two locations now to serve its customers, this late-night spot serves both pho and ramen with a serve-yourself garnish bar which includes jalapenos, pickled onions, cilantro and basil. Kick up your giant bowl with one of the variety of sauces including sriracha for more heat and flavor. The very large bowl is only $8. Jimmy’s Food Store: Known for the largest selection of Italian wines and other necessities, Jimmy’s also makes the best sandwich in Dallas. Whether you choose the house-made meatball sub, or the Italian Stallion, there are no wrong choices here. Grab a beer or bottle of wine and sit outside and enjoy the sunshine as you devour your lunch. The Truck Yard: Can we just say that the Truck Yard hosts a shop that makes the best Philly Cheesesteak in Dallas? There, we said it. Find Steak Me Home Tonight just inside the bar area, SMARTER, SHARPER MEN

and be prepared to spend just over $10, but it comes with pickles and a bag of chips.

Salad Days Salads might be known more as diet food or something your girlfriend orders on the first date. But you can actually get some beefy salads and save a few dollars in the mix. Jonathon’s Oak Cliff: Although better known for its bodacious chicken fried steaks and one of the better brunches in Dallas, you actually can find a hearty salad at Jonathon’s. Ask for the Working Man’s Salad which comes with bacon, ham, chicken, cheddar, Jack, romaine, and honey mustard. This will set you back a whopping $8. Celebration: Now celebrating 43 years (ha, take that The Grape), Celebration is your stop for fried everything, with seconds provided just like at your mother’s house. It is not actually disgraceful to order a salad, especially for lunch when it is the Pecan Crusted Chicken Salad with mixed field greens topped with fried pecan-crusted chicken breast, mandarin oranges, dried cranberries, candied pecans and bleu cheese. Served with honey Dijon dressing. This is $10.95, but won’t make you feel like a girlie man.

Where’s The Beef? OK, we know you still want that steak we mentioned earlier, and there actually are some decent steakhouses left that won’t break the bank. We are not talking about the silly national buffet chains either. Dunston’s: This Dallas favorite has two locations, one on Harry Hines, and our favorite spot at Lovers and Inwood. We like the Inwood location because it has one of the only salad bars we will eat off of in this city. Because we are on a budget, order up the filet which comes with the salad bar and a baked potato, for the low, low price of $11.50. Now that is a true bargain. Pro Tip: Order the housemade Key Lime Pie with a side shot of tequila for the perfect dessert. Allgood Café: This Deep Ellum favorite has the very best chicken fried steak in Dallas. The tender slab of beef is given the chicken fried treatment and served with mashed potatoes and a fresh

Monkey King Noodles

vegetable. Go on a night when a killer band is playing for the perfect cheap treat for only $11.99. Off-Site Kitchen: The stepchild of Neighborhood Services, Off-Site serves the best burger in Dallas. We are not talking monster truck-sized monstrosities, but a great burger on a fresh bun with all the expected additions that your taste buds can handle. Located on the cusp of the Design District, this burger will set you back just over $4.

Jimmy’s Food Store

Seafood and We Eat It Seafood will be a little more expensive than your average fare, but let’s face it you do not want to eat bargain basement oysters. We have a few spots listed here where you can enjoy something pretty terrific without breaking the budget. 20 Feet Seafood Joint: Top quality seafood abounds without a crazy price tag at this East Dallas haunt that serves some of the best you will find in Dallas. The fish and chips are ethereal, and the clams are the big and meaty versions never ever found in Dallas. Order the fish and chips for $14, and you will want a bowl of the clam chowder as well for $4.

The Truck Yard

Shuck and Jive: With several locations to choose from, Shuck and Jive has the best catfish around, served many ways including fried and blackened, for $10.99. We love the large portions, whole on bone, and hanging off the sides of the basket. When crawfish are in season, Shuck and Jive does a great job with the mudbugs, too. Seafood Shack: There are two locations of Seafood Shack, both serving great seafood with a Latino flair. The daily specials are what you will want to look for, with hot items such as seafood tostados, tacos and more.

Off-Site Kitchen Joey Stewart

20 Feet Seafood Joint

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Bits of Wisdom with Patton Oswald “You’ve gotta respect everyone’s beliefs.” No, you don’t. That’s what gets us in trouble. Look, you have to acknowledge everyone’s beliefs, and then you have to reserve the right to go: “That is fucking stupid. Are you kidding me?” I acknowledge that you believe that, that’s great, but I’m not going to respect it. I have an uncle that believes he saw Sasquatch. We do not believe him, nor do we respect him!”

Scorpio: October 23-November 21 You and your colleague will play another wonderful round of “Tapeworm or Toilet Paper” while cleaning the homeless shelter’s toilets. Sagittarius: November 22-December 21 This month your wife will get a new best friend… your ex-wife. Capricorn: December 22-January 19 You soon will discover that if you heckle a mime in public it’s a real possibility that he’ll kick your ass.

Andrew J. Hewett http://chewednews.blogspot.com/ FUTURE FOURTH-DOWN BANKRUPTCY? Seems football has brain-washed sports lovers to the point that it now affects the production and profits of large non-sports related U.S. businesses. With the 2014 National Football League season well under way, it is estimated employees computer-scouring fantasy leagues during work time will cost $14 billion in lost productivity.

Aquarius: January 20-February 18 You’re so desperate and lonely that you’ll end up jacking it to Siri’s voice.

Pisces: February 19-March 20 You’ll wake up to find someone painted “Fuck You Harry” on your car. Harry’s your neighbor.

Aries: March 21-April 19 Your blind date will respond to you by saying “retweet” or “favorite” when she thinks something is relatable.

DIDN’T GET HIS DOLLARS’ WORTH? William McDaniel, 53, called 911, after paying $350 for a private dance at Sagebrush Sam’s (a strip club in Butte, Mont.), claiming he got ripped-off. Instead, he was arrested for becoming “sexually aggressive” when the dancer refused sex. He was charged with soliciting prostitution.

AT LEAST HE’LL GET A RIDE TO JAIL Albuquerque, N.Y., police say 18-year-old Michael Johnson was so “transportationally-challenged,” he was caught and arrested on his way to meet his probation officer...riding a stolen Walmart electric shopping cart.

Taurus: April 20-May 20 Your fear of public speaking won’t help when that mob of angry neighbors shows up at your door. Gemini: May 21-June 21 You had no idea that the Blitz had a list of DFW’s Most Average Bachelors, but you’re still disappointed that you didn’t make the cut. Cancer: June 22-July 22 Is it weird that your boss asked you to go hunting with him later this month?

Leo: July 23-August 22 You will find out who your true friends are when you take the necessary steps to find who left you in their will. Virgo: August 23-September 22 You’ll come home from work to find your drunk roommate trying to teach your three baby parakeets to perch on his dick. Libra: September 23-October 22 The stars recommend you better live it up since you made that pledge about crossing your heart and hoping to die.

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