BOLD Favor Magazine Fall 2018 by BOLD Favor

FALL 2018

MEET THE DUNCANS CHROME SPOTLIGHTS KEVIN DAVENPORT AND JOSHUA ENCARNACION WRITE EMAILS TO GET WHAT YOU WANT GETTING BACK TO CENTER AFTER LOSING A SIBLING FROM ROME WITH LOVE WHEN TO LEAVE WHEN A DATE GOES B-A-D POWER STRUGGLE ANALYZED: BOOMERS VS. MILLENNIALS IN THE CHURCH DISCIPLINE & DISSATISFACTION: THE NEW FRONTIER IN EDUCATION Photo Credit: Keon Green of KTGworks Media, LLC

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BOLD Favor Magazine is the Leadership Lifestyle magazine that highlights BOLD people, organizations and causes that inspire us to live fearlessly. The first magazine published by the BOLD Favor Media Group, BOLD Favor has grow to be physically distributed across the Metro-Atlanta area through PMD, Inc, and has a strong and loyal social media following that includes 21K on Instagram, 5K on Twitter, and the Group’s 3.7K Facebook likes. To learn more, or to advertise with us

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CONTENTS

fall 2018 Photo Credit: Katisha Smittick of Mental Mayhem

Forever Duncan This Month

2018 Kids Business Mixer

The Ideal Leader: Meet Kevin Davenport

6 Rules For Writing Emails That Convince, Influence, And Persuade

A Different Way To Be Entrepreneurial: Gigi Alfonso

Gossiping Isn’t A Good Look

4th Annual Bold Lifestyles Awards

Forever my Sisters Keeper

Book Review: Letters To Ms. Jessica

Community: What Is

The Uncertainty Of It All

LTL Author Spotlight - Loie Chambers

Communicate For Success With Your Peer Mentor

Delegate To Influence

Red Ink Literary Corner: Future Sight

Football and Stem Have A Lot In Common: Most Notably Joshua Encarnacion

Rome, Italy: The Eternal City

Threat Level Red One Review

Raising Autism: Profile On Dr. Elvia Espino

Speak Out On Depression

Why I Don’t Want To Be A Leader

The Good List: A Shelter For Women In Crisis

The (Last) Leading Word: Reflections From Lmb

Toxic Flint: Revisited: Personal Reflections

Check Please! How To Tell When It’s Time To Go! From The Love Mama!

Stalemate In Church

LETTER FROM THE

EDITOR IN CHIEF Brianna Screen

Greetings Bold Readers,

FALL 2018 MAGAZINE CONTRIBUTORS Shevander Dykes David M. Good Myesha Good Elaina Zuker Lynita Mitchell-Blackwell Tinzley Bradford the Love Mama Tamika Gaines Randall N. Moore, Sr., Shana Thornton Brianna D. Screen Connie F. Stevenson Saundra Owens, Asia Wheaton Elaina Zuker

We are now approaching the beautiful season of Autumn…when the leaves change colors and fall from the tree in order to produce new trees in the spring. It’s the transitional state taking us from summer to winter; while leaving us with a few months before welcoming in a new year. Wow, can you believe that…in a blink of an eye 2018 will be a thing of the past and we will be welcoming in 2019. Transition is an amazing opportunity for growth and elevation. It takes one from where they were into a different space. We should embrace this great opportunity and get as much as we can from that moment in time. With transition comes a shift in the mindset and a renewed way of looking at this thing called life and our purpose in it. So just like the leaves that are changing colors and falling preparing for growth…we are shedding off the old ways of living and thinking while preparing to transcend to the next level for us. I encourage you to position yourself to welcome change and growth and leave your mark on 2018 like no other year!!! You still have a few months before this chapter is complete and a new chapter begins!!! Our Fall issue is filled from cover-to-cover with Power Couple Alfred and Sherrell Duncan who know all about growth and change and have learned to embrace what comes with it. See how they manage to keep in all together while elevating to higher heights in our cover story Meet The Ducans. Don’t know if you should leave a current relationship or not, the Love Mama has just the advice you need in Check Please! How To Tell When It’s Time To Go! Learn more about the JC Freedom House, A Shelter For Women in Crisis, in David and Myesha Good’s The Good List. Meet Loie Chambers our LTL Author Spotlight. Learn how to write more effective emails in 6 Rules for Writing Emails That Convince, Influence, and Persuade. Listen, there’s a great wealth of knowledge and inspiration in this issue that you are going to love!!! Live, Love and Laugh…enjoy life to the fullest and embrace your transition!!!

Brianna Screen Brianna Screen

BOLDFAVOR MAGAZINE

Editor~in~Chief

tnbowties.com â&#x20AC;˘ 404.923.0694

Shana Thornton is an award-winning on-air journalist. For more information on her platform, please visit

www.ltaradio.com (Photos Credit: Treandos L. Thornton)

The event was led by local rising first grader Treandos Thornton who operates the small bow tie business T&N Bow Ties and Apparel. The small online bow tie business offers stylish neckwear that encourages confidence for individuals of all ages. The kid business recently celebrated one full year in business. 6-yearold Treandos Thornton is the President and founder of T&N Bow Ties and Apparel. His eager younger 3-year-old brother Noah is the Vice President of the family organization.

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“I am excited to help people dress for success,”

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said 6-year-old Treandos Thornton. “Bow ties can make people feel good about themselves. We like to see people dressed up for school, work or church. Dressing up is pretty cool, “ said the aspiring heart doctor and visual artist. “Our networking event allowed kids just like me to come out and share their dreams. Kids can do anything they put their minds to.” The team at T&N Bow Ties and Apparel believes that style can have a purpose which can help boost the confidence of young men and women throughout all communities. 6-year-old Treandos Thornton is on a mission to help people in various ways. He successfully led the 2016 and 2017 Community Holiday Food Drive which collected hundreds of canned goods for families throughout the Southeast.■ Shana Thornton

I AM EXCITED TO HELP PEOPLE DRESS FOR SUCCESS Founded in 2017 by two siblings, T&N Bow Ties and Apparel was built around stocking and selling the season’s greatest fashion picks. Whether you’re on the lookout for kids' clothing or men’s clothing, you're at the right spot.

Have style with purpose!

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the ideal leader

Meet Kevin

Davenport

theidealcandidate.com

We love CHROME! Men who are

CHARISMATIC HONORABLE RESOURCEFUL OPTIMISTIC MEN OF EXCELLENCE! Kevin Davenport has fire under his heels, moving quickly and precisely from one task to another. When we spoke for this interview, Kevin was wrapping up a visit at the Verizon store and on to other details to prepare for his birthday trip over the weekend. Interestingly, he didn’t sound hurried or flustered; rather, Kevin was jovial, friendly and attentive – just what one would expect from The Ideal Leader. CHOICES Like most of us, Kevin’s desire to groom and develop young people into great leaders was born from a choice: to complain or do nothing. Interestingly, it was a choice his mother made 40+ years ago when she started a cultural enrichment program as a part of her performing arts school. Having had three locations, with one in the Southside of Chicago, Kevin’s mother realized that something had to be done to combat the negative imagery and violence dominating their daily life experience. She decided to provide a free program that included manners, etiquette, and some leadership skills. A local church heard about the program, loved it, and offered to pay her. And like all good mom’s, she saw an opportunity for her son. REFINEMENT Kevin began working with the program when he was 16 and loved it. He liked working with the children, helping people his own age, and of course, working so closely with his mom to improve their community. Kevin also loved the autonomy he enjoyed in refining and expanding the program content. Over the next few years, he was able to experiment with new concepts that would eventually be the framework for The Ideal Candidate, a non-profit organization that trains African American and Hispanic youth to be powerfully successful leaders. IMPLEMENTATION The Ideal Candidate guides seniors and rising college Freshmen through social media etiquette, resume and biographical sketch creation,

behavior enhancement and communication, credit awareness, and budget management (Maybe replace with Financial Literacy?). The program has expanded over these three years to also include for young working adults advanced techniques to obtain jobs, improve credit, and manage money. METRICS Kevin has never had an issue getting people excited about the program, or developing partnerships and volunteer support for it. Now, he’s looking to build strong financial backing for The Ideal Candidate. The first part of that has been developing a forwardpath for participants that takes them from beginning to end – i.e., from high school to employment. The Ideal Candidate begins the process with high school seniors or immediate graduates. They are then guided through partner organizations that assist them with the college experience and then corporate employment or entrepreneurial track. This comprehensive leadership development process allows all partners in the link or chain to monitor each participant and track performance. The second part to this includes the Success Hub, or the for-profit version of The Ideal Candidate. It includes a restorative justice program, mobile app as a resource, and is launching this year. Kevin manages all this while still working full time. When asked how, he responded, “It’s important to be altruistic. We’re all in this together.” ■ Lynita MitchellBlackwell

6 RULES

for Writing Emails That Convince, Influence, and Persuade RULE ONE:

Start with a Personal Note. Not just a hope you are well but something more personal like how was your fishing trip this weekend? or, when emailing strangers, start by saying something personal such as I am a huge fan of your site and your recent piece on feminism really struck a chord with me. Its good to get to the point, but including a personal note or two can warm up the whole exchange.

RULE TWO:

Tame Your Emotions. Emotions, especially anger, and desperation, totally seep into your email message and high emotion words like angry, unacceptable, unprofessional and disrespectful are especially dangerous in a new email exchange when they dont have your facial expressions to soften the meaning. Try looking for softer alternatives or, better yet, if you’re feeling angry, misunderstood, or otherwise intense, do not write that email! Or if you do write it, do not send it!

RULE THREE:

Keep Your Message Short and To the Point. A longer email doesnt mean that you have covered all points, it just means you have given more details that people may not want or need. Use this formula instead: • Two lines for your personal opener • One paragraph (4-5 lines) to cover the body of the issue • Two lines to offer the next actions or the desired outcome • Two lines for a nice warm closure

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RULE FOUR:

Read the Email Twice. Did you read the email at least once before sending it to check for errors and to make sure it says what you want? This is especially important for emails in which you are sharing information that can be potentially misinterpreted or where a certain action is required. One final reading might mean the difference between dismissal and immediate action. Make sure your message is clear, simple, and direct but not demanding.

RULE FIVE:

The Coffee Cup Rule. If it is a critical email, do not under any circumstances send your email right away. Instead, write the email and then save it as a draft before you send it. Then leave the email in the draft folder and have a nice cup of coffee before you hit that send button. You will see the email in a new light after that hit of caffeine.

RULE SIX:

Master the Subject Line. Does the subject line of your email serve its purpose? Consider using the desired action/s as your email subject rather than just general subject matter and you will see that your email will be opened and actually produce a response. For example, in an email to a client or a team leader, something like Need Your Action Please would likely get the desired result much faster rather than a subject line of The Meeting Notes.

Perhaps the most important email etiquette is just simply to use common courtesy. You would not want to write anything in an email that you would not say to a person to their face. Many people choose to use email as an excuse to hide behind their computer monitors but sadly that is not how things work in real life. An ugly, rude email is the worst, most incriminating evidence and can do much more damage than a few harsh words exchanged face-to-face.

So be very careful what you put into your emails, words you use and the tone you take because you are not there to mitigate the outcome or smooth over the interpretation. â&#x2013; Sandy Chernoff, www.softskillsforsuccess.com boldfavormagazine.com

Gigi Alfonso is a force of nature, truly a sun that has planets aligned around her. I could feel her energy radiating through the phone: positive, engaging, and friendly. And totally about her business, which happens to be as a senior talent acquisition business partner for ADP, a multi-billion dollar Fortune 500 company and comprehensive global provider of cloud-based Human Capital Management (HCM) solutions. To reach this awesome native Chicagoan, reach Gigi on LinkedIn.

A Different Way to be

ENTREPRENEURIAL .............................

You’re probably wondering why we consider Gigi an entrepreneur. She works for a publicly traded company, one of several thousand people. But re-read the second sentence with emphasis on HER business. Gigi takes ownership of and in her role, and that total possession is what has made her so successful with the company in such a short period of time. Gigi has been a diversity and inclusion champion for three years, working for another Fortune 500 company. She was doing what she does best – wowing the bright young minds at a college fair in Miami, Florida. Gigi’s energy and enthusiasm caught the attention of a recruiter working for – you guessed it – ADP. Gigi was intrigued by the unexpected turn the recruitment fair had taken; remember, she was there to find candidates, not to become one. But if life after eight years of service in the United States Navy and mother of two beautiful daughters had taught Gigi anything else, it was to be flexible and to always keep her options open. That mindset led Gigi to an incredibly rewarding journey that includes supportive risk taking that promotes diversity recruitment. Gigi very much credits the

executive leadership team for creating an environment that champions owning your own business. Each person is encouraged and empowered within his and her own set of responsibilities, knowing that they are backed by the might of ADP’s extensive resources. Gigi has committed herself to finding great talent, viewing it as helping campus students and placing phenomenal staff. This unique way of viewing her business has led to Gigi being recognized as one of Negocios Now’s 40 Under 40 Chicago and serves as board chair of the Mujeres de HACE Auxiliary Board. Gigi also serves as the Community Engagement CoChair for Roll-Call Chicagoland. This last honor is a joy to Gigi’s heart, as it allows her to engage with the veterans in Illinois. When thinking about how Gigi got started, you can see why an entrepreneurial spirit was necessary. Embracing the courage to change careers from active duty military to talent acquisition guru; the openness to try recruiting; and the fortitude to forging new relationships that lead to winning placements all require overcoming fear to embrace reward over great risk. ■ Lynita Mitchell-Blackwell

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The Bible says in Ephesians 4:29, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

Gossiping is the number one thing everyone does now. Some of you may say, “I don’t gossip!” So, what do you call it when one of your friends says something about someone and you go back and tell the exact person they’re talking about?!

It's called gossiping!

What that verse is saying that you should up lift people more instead of tearing them down. For example you’re at the mall with your best friend and you see a girl who’s not the best looking and her appearance isn’t up to par I’m pretty sure both of you are going to look at her and laugh and whisper something in each other’s ear which isn’t the right thing to do. Now I can speak for myself and say I would probably do the same but then I would think about what I said and ask myself do I want people doing that to me. Because you can hurt people’s feelings just by saying a few words and words can cut you like a knife. Also think of if you were at work and a rumor went around about the boss and one of the employees messing around. Would you believe it or would you go and confront him and her. It’s always better to build someone up rather than tear them down because you’ll never know when you need that person. I hope you’ve learned something from this and remember: believe nothing of what you hear and only half of what you see ♥️ Asia Wheaton

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Join us for the 4th Annual BOLD Lifestyle Awards, where we celebrate BOLD leaders who have inspired us to live FEARLESSLY! This SELL OUT event honors those who have helped change the world for the better by giving of themselves. Categories include Leadership, Wellness, Education, Fashion & Design, Spirituality and Faith, Entreprenuership, and more! Entertainment includes live band, comedy, dance, and a fabulous fashion show! Enjoy a delectable buffet by the award-winning Proof of the Pudding as you shop with our vendors - make sure you take their beautifully unique items home!

Get your ticket now on Eventbrite.com! Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t delay - this event sells out EVERY YEAR - and this one will be no exception.

Allow me to elaborate on Forever My Sister’s Keeper!!! I was blessed with one biological sibling, my sister Ursula. My mother taught us from when we were little that it was only the two of us and we should always love one another and never allow anyone to come in between us. We were taught to be each other’s best friend, support system and simply be there in every aspect because again, it was only the two of us. To say we took that heart would be an understatement!!! Now grant you we had our share of differences…what siblings you know don’t? However, at the end of the day, I could always depend on my sister no matter what life sent my way and she could always depend on me as well!!!

Being my Sister’s Keeper wasn’t only a blessing I realized it was my calling!!! You see in addition to my sister, I have some amazing Sister-Friends who count on me to keep them motivated, inspired, provide a listening ear, and not to mention pray for them!!! I use my social media platforms to inspire and motivate my followers. It’s my desire to enrich the lives of those I love, those I associate with and those I simply meet along the way!!! My purpose in life is to inspire those my path crosses…to ensure they know there’s someone who truly cares about their well-being; to inspire and motivate Queens to be the best Queen they can be all while living life unapologetically!!! Yes….I am My Sister’s Keeper!!!!

Being that she was the oldest (only by five years) she was the “mother-figure” type. I might have challenged her from time to time being that I was the overly opinionated one, however, at the end of the day I listened to what she told me because I knew she would never lead me wrong. She was always very protective of me!!! When she began to face her medical challenges is when the tables turned and I became the care-taker and the protector...the “little-big sister”!!! I made sure SHE was okay and taken care of. Being my Sister’s Keeper became my life’s mission...ensuring that she was well in every sense of the word…I did so until she took her final breath!!!

So I leave you with this today…before you can truly love someone else or even be there for them, you have to first love yourself!!! And in loving yourself it’s imperative that you take care of yourself!!! I often remind people that you can’t pour from an empty pitcher!!! If you aren’t well, mentally, physically or emotionally how can you truly be of any real help to anyone else? You are worthy of your sanity, peace of mind, wealth, health and everything else God ordained for you to have. However, you must do your part in ensuring you’re always positioned to receive all that God has in store for you!!! Take care of YOU…LOVE ON YOU HARD, and never forget YOU ARE WORTHY OF IT ALL!!! ■ Brianna D. Screen boldfavormagazine.com

Travel Review

R O M E I TA LY THE ETERNAL CITY

Rome Wasn’t Built In a Day, Burning our Candle on Both Ends and Other Mesmerizing Roman Adventures with Through Eternity Tours Whether you’ve visited or not, you know Rome from Fellini films, Audrey Hepburn romances and 100’s of other movies whose makers fell in love with the “Eternal City”. Known also as the “Capital of the World,” Rome dominated Europe and the known world 3000 years ago for 2000 years. Revered as one of our 26

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greatest capitals, the global city of “Caput Mundi” is the 3rd most visited in the European Union, as well as one of the oldest continuously occupied sites in Europe which became the third capital of Unified Italy from Florence in 1870.

In spite of her multitude of issues, Roma, built originally on seven famed hills. It is an intoxicating, lusty, artful and lively sprawl of impenetrable remains, epic in scope, history, art, cuisine, opera and influence with its colossal monuments, amphitheaters, chariot courses, edifices, temples, squares with 280 fountains, 900 churches, catacombs, and even its own sub city: the Vatican. Our three days of Hop On/ Hop Off Bus, albeit wonderful, were just not going to cut it. Rome must be explored preferably in the hands of passionate, brilliant and inspired docents of which Through Eternity Tours www. througheternity.com has many – all fluent in English who handle logistics and “skip the line” tickets in intimate semi-private groups. Quite remarkable as well as rigorous, these lyrically-conceived tours uncover hidden secrets, little known nuggets and sinister stories, often dreamy and mystical and packed to the gills with history and context with an eye for beauty and transcendent experience.

Through Eternity Tours Big thank you to Rob, Rosario, the phenomenal team and guides at Through Eternity Tours for bringing Rome to life magnificently! For three months in Barcelona, South of France and Italy, Cathy H. Burroughs visited Tuscany including the capitals of Venice/Lido, Florence, Lucca and, here, Rome. She is headed back to Greece, Spain and Portugal and we eagerly await word of her adventures!

1-800-267-7581 • Office@througheternitytours.com

Through Eternity Tours offers indepth explorations of Rome, the Vatican, Florence, Tuscany and Pompeii. Endorsed by Rick Steves, Frommer’s and Lonely Planet, these tours are, indeed, gateways through time both on and off the beaten path, early morning, day and evening, by land and watery cruise excursions.

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With them we covered some serious ancient ground: The Forum Rome’s political, religious and social center dating from 500 BC against the starry Roman night (eerie, magical, not to be missed) and tracking the step by step of Julius Caesar’s final night (talk about bringing history to life) with an erudite Princeton graduate student who quoted Dylan Thomas, descending the Spanish Steps to troll the fountains and squares by moonlight with their sometimes morbid pasts (thrilling, cinematic, romantic, and, of course, culminating with the requisite three coin toss into the Trevi Fountain Audrey Hepburn again!). For this “Rome at Twilight Tour among the Piazzas and Fountains” Rosario the very kind co-owner of the tour company graciously joined us. We thoroughly enjoyed his company in this stroll at dusk in the “City of Love”!

fighters and producing these wildly lextravagant blood games. Worth considering!? One thrilling evening we had access to the exclusive Domus Aurea, an active and relatively newly re-opened archaeological site, exploring Emperor Nero’s Golden House. With hard hats we were among the privileged to descend into the private world of the vast palace and grounds. There in this subterranean submersion a virtual reality induction carried us to a dreamlike, somnambulant state. Time-traveling, we actively engaged with the inner décor and intricate wall paintings in its caverns, its octagonal domed fountain hall, as well as exterior pavilions, porticos, baths, fountains, ornamental gardens and artificial lake, later drained to make space for the Coliseum which would turn out to to be the largest amphitheater ever built in the Roman Empire. All of this was the private creation of Nero, one of Rome’s most controversial leaders. You know the one, said to have fiddled while the city burned so he could sweep up a batch of real estate on the cheap. Circa 646 AD. Sound familiar? ■ Cathy H. Burroughs, International Travel Writer, BOLD Favor Magazine

Additionally, we joined them for the intense VIP Vatican – a city within a city (who knew each Pope had their own Pope Mobile or that Michelangelo’s masterpiece Sistine Chapel ceiling fresco is most surprising as restored to its original colors); the VIP multi-tiered Coliseum (do prepare with some hardcore steps classes in advance – seriously) with not one, or two, but three guides all animating the sensory immersion into these life and death contests Cathy H. Burroughs is an international travel writer and adventure held here in its 5 levels for blogger who writes about her journeys for BOLD Favor Magazine and crowds from 50,000 to 60,000, website. possibly up to 80,000. With Cathy’s articles have been commissioned by The Washington Post and its battalion of exotic animals People Magazine and can be found in Backstage, TheaterWeek, Dance and prospective gruesome Magazine, High Performance, The Washington Times, The Baltimore deaths of its gladiator slaves Sun, Baltimore Magazine and others. and prisoners all vying for their Her adventurous finds, sagas, road trips and world travels have been freedom. Our guides posited charted on www.journeypod.com - one of the premier on line luxury that many of these super stars travel sites; They can also be found in The Aquarius Magazine, Atlanta of ancient times may have INtown, 17th South, Points North and others. Travel is one of her very actually endured due to to the great passions and she wants to thank the wonderful team at Guest to prohibitive costs of maintaining, Guest for their invaluable consideration and support. training and costuming the 28

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Never in our history have we experienced a National Terror Threat Level RED. Until Now… Never in the history of the United States has all of its citizens experienced the full consequences of Threat Level RED: lock downs, curfews, check points, tracked movements, invasive surveillance, and gut-twisting fear. But this is the hair-raising rollercoaster ride through the heretofore unimagined world of a nationwide National Emergency. Each character in L. Corbin Bey’s debut novel is richly drawn: deeply sensual, beautifully flawed, and exceptionally talented in their chosen professions and art forms. And they must use every skill and sense to navigate this new emergency society - beyond cutthroat competition, unbelievable technology, and raw sexual attraction that threatens to tear them all at the seams. Special Agent Kristi Johnson and her FBI special ops team have very little time to decipher the cryptic clues left behind at the crime scene, taunting them into recognizing that the terror spree was far from over. The terrorist’s hubris and contempt for the intellectual capacity of the United States’ best and brightest detectives is tangible and most vile.

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Raising Autism PROFILE ON DR. ELVIA ESPINO ~ If you had told Elvia Espino back in high school that she would become the poster child for fierce autism advocacy through community activism and politics she would have laughed at you. Raised humbly by hard-working parents who battled high stress jobs and long hours, Elvia did not have the benefit of Parental Guidance at home or a guidance counselor at school to peek within her soul for purpose and lead her to a college education. She truly earned her life PhD from Hard Knocks University. Which is funny because she just completed the coursework and dissertation for her actual Doctorate of Education in Organizational Change and Leadership from the University of Southern California with her research dissertation titled: Raising Autism

TO CONNECT WITH ELVIA, FOLLOW HER ON LINKEDIN.COM/IN/ELVIA-ESPINO-0592001B

So how did she get here? Elvia is no one’s victim. Her entire life story, littered with bumps and bruises, would be the average person’s reason to lay down and stop fighting. But to Elvia, her life is actually a bold call for action and advocacy. It was this that led her to run for mayor of Irving, Texas, a suburb outside Dallas. She was able to bring to the forefront issues that many politicians avoid like the plague. These include hard conversations such as how to transform schools into Community Partners rather than babysitting centers for our children, and how to bridge the divide between minority communities and law enforcement so that safety and trust go hand-in-hand. Although she did not win, (and of course winning was the ultimate goal - Elvia is candid about that), she has enough experience to know that there is purpose beyond winning just this race. Purpose to inspire people to get involved and try new initiatives to help others. As a scholar, Elvia knows what the research says happens to underserved communities that do not have equitable representation, they get left behind. That is why, Elvia ran for office, she got tired of being tired- sitting back and hoping to one day see a voice at the table was not an option she could quietly wait to see. Elvia is proud of the fact that she was the first and only Latina to ever run for mayor of this major city, and is quick to point out she did not run a Latino only campaign, she ran a people only campaign. Elvia’s ability to persuade people who would not normally be interested in issues that do not directly impact them came from years of working with diverse communities in public relations. It also comes from her ability to see that people need as many people in their corners as possible as they face life’s challenges. This last lesson was learned in being an effective advocate for her child, who has autism. It would have been easy to follow the example of associates who constantly battle their ex’s parents. But Elvia chose a new way one that recognized the needs of her child over that of his parents - divorced or not. ■ Tamika Gaines

Where is she going now? Elvia largely credits her ability to look past the differences between people to see their commonality as the bridge to workable solutions. So her next venture will definitely make most use of that. For now, the public relations maven is good being the zealous Advocate her son, and the special needs community, need her to be. ■

Elvia is no one’s victim. boldfavormagazine.com

Depression is not racist, sexist, it does not belong to a religion or political party. It does not care how old or tall you are, beautiful or strong. The face of depression is more blind than Lady Justice. Farm land, suburban setting, high-rise or urban setting, to it you are all the same. Depression does not care. Highschool Drop out or PhD in molecular biology, Funniest man alive, millionaire to billionaire status, depression can get you but don’t be silent about it. The stigma of mental illness must stop and here a bold, we love and see it as brave when someone speaks from their own experience. Below is a true story and reflection of how it creeps. I’ve been nominated as ATL’S hottest Full-Figured Model at the age of 50 years old. I’m a member of a

great organization that focuses on men and women over the age of 40 years old called The Lyngale Agency for 3 years now. I have a son that’s 21 years old, and we are about to welcome a set of twins into our family. Besides modeling and my family, I’ve been gainfully employed for 12 years. I also plan to start my own courier services at the beginning of the year. This is my life today. But it wasn’t always peaches and cream! A few weeks ago, I revealed with anxiety on Facebook that I had been battling with depression for the last two years. As anxious as I was to put myself out there in that way, to my surprise, I was greeted with open arms and an immense amount of support.

speak out on

depression You ask where did this depression come from? Well let me give you some examples of how my childhood was! “You have cat eyes (green), you have big lips, you are so tall you look like a tree!” That was between the ages of 9-14. Also, during this time, I had been molested by my cousin and step-dad. After High School, I lost my Grandmother, and then my mother the following year, all while my dad was in prison. I only had my grandfather to take care of me at the age of 18. I got married and divorced after 15 years of marriage. I struggled from one relationship to the next in the 10 years I’ve been divorced which further pushed me into depression.

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Would I change anything about my life? No, I would not. I believe it has made me the person that I am today. A 5’10, hazel green-eyed model at the age of 50 years old who’s confidence has become imaginable. Being beautiful is not about what’s on the outside it’s about what’s in your soul that makes a person beautiful. I truly hope my story encourages and uplift anyone fighting any kind of depression or having suicidal thoughts because it will get better just have faith in yourself and GOD! ■ Saundra Owens aka Ms. Sunshine Red!

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The Good List

A Shelter for Women In Crisis ..................... The Good List came into being because there are issues that need attention or people, associations, organizations and companies that are doing amazing works for the people of the world but are not being recognized outside their core base. One of those organizations is JC Freedom House, a not for profit organization serving the Metro Atlanta area. The organization is located to the west of Atlanta in Douglas County. It re-started a previous shelter on the same site in 2016. It was this shelter that gave it’s current directors (who were previous residents) the springboard to get their lives back on track. MEETING A GREAT NEED: More than 10,000 people in metro Atlanta experience homelessness on any given night, with more than 40 percent being women and children. A survey of Atlanta’s homeless shelters found a shortage of 1,700 beds for all single homeless people, more than 75,000 Georgians are homeless at some time during the year. In 2016 after 7 years, the original founders couldn’t run the shelter anymore and the building was put up for sale. In order for this vital resource to be kept, with the help of family and community support Founder/CEO Marigold Edwards restarted the shelter. It has been transforming the lives of women in crisis and supporting their children since opening. SHELTER SERVICES: The shelter provides emergency/transitional shelter, group therapy one to one therapy and wrap and around case management services. It offers assistance to women, frequently homeless, as they move from dependent, often domestic violent relationships into independent, selfsufficient lifestyles.

SUCCESS: So many success stories have come out of the shelter’s history. One woman was able to transform her life from one where drugs played a big part to one where she was drug free and went on to go back to school and successfully graduate. Another woman found the sanctuary to get her life back together. She went from a low paid job to a management position and reconciliation with her husband. Yet another woman was able to move from a domestic violence situation to getting a management role and completing her Masters degree. Yet another woman was able to find financial stability and was not only able to reconcile with her family but fulfilled her desire of again live with her family. CURRENT NEEDS: Marigold says they are seeking another building due to the success of the first shelter. She say’s we aim to make our shelter completely sustainable so encourage the public to give a small monthly donation to make this happen. The shelter welcomes volunteers to work from the facility or from the comfort of their own home. Women’s clothing donation are always needed together with small household items. ■ David & Myesha Good

jcfreedomhouse.com • jcfreedomhouse@gmail.com • (770) 675-3817

#DMGoodlist boldfavormagazine.com

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The Direction builds the pathway that allows a student to request classes that support their desire to pursue careers in Skilled Trades or other Skilled Talents professions. STEM and STEAM related track course work with a desire to be a part of a Co-op or Apprenticeship program support by a local company.

By the age of 18, most high school graduates are eligible for Skilled Trades Apprenticeship. At this time, the Mentoring and Coaching piece of the pipeline comes to the forefront by helping with test preparations, and providing encouragement to complete the entire Apprenticeship Program.

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This story brings tears to my eyes knowing that The “Crisis” is limited to my former hometown. I was born in Detroit and spent my formative years in Flint Michigan. This city holds my heart for it is also where My father lived and died and now Flint still has my loved ones imprisoned. No they aren’t incarcerated but due to their love for their city and the financial hardship it would cause from them to leave their homes they have already worked hard to payoff, they remain imprisoned. Many stories I can share yet the one that hurts me to my core is the story of Erma Jean Gaines her story was in the Detroit Free Press but it quickly became old news. Tho it was understood that the family was poor in bad health. Things got worse when their water became contaminated. After I fought a judge (see attachment listed below) to get custody (May 19, 2016) of Ms. Gaines in hopes to detoxify her from the Flint water experience, that same foot that was mentioned in the article was highly

infected and led to the leg above the knee to need to amputated. (By Nov.2016) No one cared enough to assist the people of FLINT and many Like Ms.Gaines (my mother) gave up hoping for change. Bottled water, and water filters were not the answer. To this day the underground pipes that contain corrosive so toxic it could rust vehicles, yet the State of Michigan rather invest the money in the legal bills of the Governor who failed an entire city with a stroke of a keyboard. Ms.Erma Jean Gaines died 12-23-2016 from complications related to diabetes with the progression of infection due to contamination of Flint water. No one is speaking up for the rapid onset of Advanced stages of illnesses due to water contamination. RIP My Mother I will forever fight for the People. Social Justice is My Calling! ■ Simply Tamika

PERSONAL REFLECTIONS www.freep.com/story/news/columnists/john-carlisle/2016/02/13/flint-family-poisoned-by-poverty-and-toxic-water/79423502/

Here are a few sites you can contact to help: www.unitedwaygenesee.org • www.helpforflint.com • www.fben.org www.freep.com • www.cfgf.org • www.flintvolunteer.com

How can you tell when it’s time to say, “Check Please?” and get out! We all know what it means to be completely done with your meal or beverage when dining out, and when we’re finished eating we usually ask for the check right? This mean it’s over, no more, you’ve had enough to eat, you’re done and it’s time to go! In this article I share a few signs that indicate its time to end or be done with that date or relationship, or even conversation in the same fashion by telling that knuckle head “check please!” Too

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many times we sit and over stuff ourselves with complete nonsense instead of just removing ourselves from the situation/ the table and the sad part is, we don’t even have to. Now I’m a very animated chic so yes this article will be long and drawn out but there is a message in the end so keep reading. I usually always have a story to tell, that’s why I blog. So I felt ending a dinner and a relationship can in many ways be very similar. When you get too full of the crap, you say Check Please!! and be gone!

I recently met this guy and the conversation jumped off pretty well in the beginning so it seemed. I mean we were very similar with our life journeys, where we’d been and where we were headed. I will say I began to notice some what of a conceited mentality about him, which based on what he’d already shared with me he really had no room to be a jerk, but I was starting to see those type signs in him. Prime example, he was from a different state and when we first spoke he went on to say

Hey Yal it’s me “The Love Mama” here today giving you my personal nuggets on when I think it’s time for you to ask for that check!! Boy BYE!

CHECK PLEASE! How to tell when it’s time to GO! #SettleFree • TinzleyBradford.com

“GA. women have nothing going for themselves, no cars, jobs, no money no business and they try to act like they are all that!” Hello??? I’m a GA woman and you’re a rude Moran is what I was thinking. I mean how dare he insult GA women as if I wasn’t there. I’d been working on not passing judgement on the men I meet so fast so even though I detected this behavior, I didn’t knock him just yet, but this stayed in the back of my head. I figured if he already has his mind set that this is how he views GA women,

then why should I waist my time? So he stated one evening that he wants to “see me.” No he didn’t say he would like to go on a date or take me out someone and get to know more about me, he says he just wants to “see me!” Now this particular night I was hanging with my friends which means, well I wasn’t available which tends to happen when you have a life. He then asked for a photo of me to be sent to him. Now this guy already knows what I look like and we hadn’t really had that good old real

bonding period on the phone yet, so to me he wasn’t worthy to start receiving phone photos of me. I don’t know why but that’s just one of my pet peeves with men, why do they always want a photo of us so fast when we just met! Can I have a chance to know more about you and be led to want to send you a picture on my own instead of you demanding one. And yes he did get pretty demanding and his tone was that of one who felt obligated as if he had a right to receive a photo

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of me. So I bit the bullet and said well what’s a fully clothed photo of my smiling face going to hurt? Plus he did say he wanted to “ see me “ so what better way to see me than through a picture and then I pressed send. See I was trying to be submissive! Grrrrrrrrr......... Did I ask for a photo of him? No, because women just don’t do that, not all of us anyway but who knows maybe he was so amazed by my beauty he wanted to share it with all his buddies. Yeah that’s what it probably was right?? So after that evening, we never really spoke again. I mean he just hadn’t wooooed me and frankly I wasn’t really that interested in him but would have kindly tried to give him a chance had he shown he wanted this bad enough. I mean he did say he was willing to wait and it was no rush we can always see each other another time. So at least two weeks had gone by and we hadn’t talked or text-ed, I personally was okay with that then out of no where I get this non-personable text that said “hey.” I responded with hello there and he went on to verbally attack me and said he tried to see me but I declined , and the ball was in my court and I haven’t called and he has no problem deleting my info from his phone cause he ain’t pressed , he said Im not all that and blah blah blah blah! My response: Ahhhh “Check Please!” Now keep in mind this guy made the first move, he showed the interest in me and that was how we met. I mean I’m not saying that I don’t have to make any contribution to get to know him too, because clearly if I plan to make it work I do, but what I am saying is if he wants the job, he needs to fill out the application completely! You can’t turn in an incomplete application and expect to land the job!! Bam! Now you know that was the statement of the day I think I’ll say that again, I said, You can’t turn in an incomplete application and expect to land the job!!” And Sure you have my permission to use it!! Lol See this was a perfect example of when it’s time to say “Check Please!” I just don’t have time to be battling with a dude because if he’s as interested as he claimed to be than even though I wasn’t able to see him that one lousy time he’d asked, doesn’t mean he couldn’t have tried at a later date.

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I mean he did say we’d try later and the last thing I need is a man who gives up so quick and tries to blame me for his lack of ability to connect with me on a level that may have gained and kept my interest. Women you’re worth more than this and if he doesn’t want to put forth the effort then keep it moving. I understand there are reasons people act like they do so Im not saying just cut every guy you meet off, but therapy is something he’ll need to get himself if there are issues he has to iron out but not at the expense of your well being! These are the early stages of mind control from a man, he wants to do the bare minimum and place the blame on you and you’d better give in! He kept saying he’s not familiar with Ga and was still trying to adjust so he doesn’t know where stuff is and blah blah blah blah! What does that have to do with bonding and getting to know me?? What did he really really really do to try to make this thing grow? NOTHING! The moral of this story is, if there is no interest being shown, why stick around? I want us single ladies to make smart choices when choosing the very best guy to date and that starts with having awareness of who we are and awareness of who he seems to be too. Trust me there are always early signs no matter how small you must notice them. So I have listed a few tell tale indications to look for in

the men you’re dating or just simply trying to get to know that let’s you know it may be time to say “Check Please!” And be gone!!! •

You’ve been talking for a few weeks and be hasn’t even asked you on a date, yet has asked you to come to his place to just chill.... Check Please!

•

He’s not working just because and has no real reason as to why, no illness, no sudden job loss, then he tries to convince you “ Well I’m just chilling right now, ya know what I’m saying?” ...... Check Please!

•

He asked you out on a date then stands you up and tries to come a few days later with a lame excuse. If he’s not dead, ....Ahhhhh Check Please!

•

If he randomly sends you an unsolicited photo of his junk, this is disrespect at it’s finest...Check Please!!!!

•

If he has kids and doesn’t take care of them, there is simply no excuse........ Check please!

•

If he’s done time in prison and seems to still be going down the path of crime despite being out now and clearly being given a second chance at life...... Check Please!

•

If he says he dates both men and women, no time to be exploring this fetish..... Check Please!

•

If he doesn’t want to use a condom during intimacy especially if you’re not exclusive, which I’d hope you’re not just casually having sex but either way..... no condom, no cookies....Check Please!

•

If his but is bigger than yours and wider.....Check Please! ( Optional, you may like em big,)

•

If his reason for not having a car is because since his car wreck some years ago, he didn’t plan on dating women he’d have to do things like drive for... Ahhhhh Check Please!!! (True Story btw )

Ladies whether you’re hoping to find true love or simply dating and making new friends, what ever you do, please don’t ever just settle. People seem to think dating or courting is not necessary, they feel you should just skip the dating part and just cut to the chase, but I say dating is healthy that’s if you can ever get him to take you out on one and getting to know different people is an awesome way to see just who’s FaceBook@MenWomenAndDating a possible keeper and who gets Twitter@tinzleyb • IG@tinzleyb the check!!!!! Remember, when in doubt just say CHECK PLEASE! Periscope@tinzley And dip! ■ Tinzley Bradford AKA The Love Mama!

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Forever Who doesn’t want the Happily Ever After fairytale kind of love? You know, the type of love little girls are introduced to with Snow White and Cinderella. The loves stories found in the romance novels we read when we were teenagers and young adults…man meets woman; man pursues woman; man marries woman, has kids with woman and purchase the nice home and a dog living in bliss…happily ever after!!! I don’t know about you, but that was definitely my dream!!! Alfred and Sherrell, for me, are the perfect example of a modern-day fairy tale leaving many to have something so amazing to look forward to!!!

Grammy and Emmy nominated artist Alfred Duncan and Certified Fitness Coach and author Sherrell Duncan are a loving, joyful, blessed couple with a love that withstood the test of time. And their love story took the social media world by storm!!! You may have seen the video of Alfred and Sherrell’s marriage proposal and surprised wedding. Both events took place the same day…all orchestrated by Alfred himself. If you haven’t seen the video I encourage you to head over to http://www.foreverduncan.com and click on “The Wedding” and hit “Watch Now” to view the entire video.

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Let’s get to know more about the dynamic duo… The Duncans!!!!

Photo Credit: Keon Green of KTGworks Media, LLC

BOLD Favor: Your engagement and wedding video went viral exemplifying an amazing modern day fairytale. Alfred, how did you come up with the most beautiful idea of surprising Sherrell and coming up with every detail?

BOLD Favor: Being young, married and a part of a blended family, how do you two keep it together and what advice would you give others couples on what you have learned that makes a marriage successful?

Alfred: I knew she was going to be my wife. I asked her if we could start taking marriage classes and practicing celibacy. In her eyes she looked at that as a proposal. I didn’t want a long drawn out engagement and fiancé stage. I just wanted to get it over with. Me knowing my wife, she really wasn’t interested in having a big wedding. I felt she deserved it. So I put it together with a lot of family and friends, and it came out amazing.

Sherrell: One of the things I would say is that you have to be very patient. It’s a big deal when you’re trying to combine your life with another person. But combining your life and your child with another person and their child… there are so many different personalities. Relationships have to be built. I have to build a relationship with his son, and he has to build one with my daughter. We have to build a relationship as a family. There are so many things we have to take into consideration with the kids and how they feel about the change. We had to develop a level of understanding. We had and have lots of conversations about how we feel about things. We don’t sweep anything under the rug. We allow the kids to express themselves. We express our feelings, and we each respect the other parent. Both my husband and I were raised differently, so the level of discipline I had he didn’t have and the level of patience he had I didn’t have. We balance each other out.

BOLD Favor: Sherrell, those who watched the video shared the joy and the element of surprise with you. How was the whole experience for you personally? Sherrell: It was a very spiritual moment. The moment he proposed to me I was in shock. I had questions that entire day; everyone was loyal to him. They told me to shut up and stop asking question, and of course I didn’t stop. But when I actually walked into the gallery where we got married… to explain it, I was very proud of my husband. My husband had been saying for a long time, “I just want to hear from God,” because he’d already had a relationship with God. There were over 300 people in attendance, including people I hadn’t seen from our past and from our church. I was blown away and surprised that he had put all of that together without any of my help. With me being the controlling person I am, I was just overjoyed that we would be able to enjoy that moment. BOLD Favor: I definitely felt while watching the video you were jumping up and down that it was more spiritual than anything. Sherrell: I felt fire all through my body. I don’t know if you’ve had a feeling where you felt so overjoyed… a burning feeling; more like a burning sensation from the crown of my head all the way down to the bottom of my feet. I couldn’t even control it.

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Alfred: The biggest part for us is communication. I mean everything she just said is correct. But if we are not able to communicate, everything else is null and void. We’ve learned throughout this process to be brutally honest with each other regardless of how the other may feel. You take into consideration how the other may feel, but you find a gentle way to say it and you say it. And I think that alone has helped us with issues or obstacles we have encountered in our marriage. BOLD Favors: How important is it to have a great support system? And how has it been beneficial to you? Sherrell: It’s very important. We are very blessed. We do co-parent with our children’s parents. So whenever we leave the kids will go with the other parent, but that’s an easy fix. We don’t have to worry about if the kids have someone to look out for them. We definitely

don’t have any issues with that. As for business, our family supports us. They ask if we need anything and how can they help. If we post something, they share it, and they’re there to support us. Alfred: We really want to shout out the co-parents. They are our biggest support system. We couldn’t do what we do without them. We work hard for it to work. BOLD Favor: Please tell our readers about your Forever Duncan Podcast. Alfred: It’s actually a radio show that we turned into a podcast. Our radio show comes on weekly in Washington, D.C. on 96.3, the same station Steve Harvey is on in the morning. They have a few HD channels, and we’re on one of their HD channels weekdays 8:00 a.m. We have a new episode on every Monday, but they air repeats other days. We take the audio from the shows and make a podcast. We invite regular people to be our guests. We try not to bring celebrities. We just bring on everyday people. We talk

about love from a modern perspective. Love today looks a lot different from love when our parents were young, so we’re trying to shed some light on issues that are in the modern-day love. We want to come from the perspective of real people who deal with regular issues… who touch and hopefully bless regular people. Sherrell: We talk about a lot of things. We don’t prep our guests; they are thrown in the fire, and they have no choice but to be transparent. My husband and I are very transparent. We want our guests to be just as transparent as we are. We ask them all types of questions. We get into their business. At first, they are scared, but we are so close in the room it’s like they are just talking to us. They open up to us, and it makes for a really great show. When you hear real people talk about relationships, it makes you want to tune into hear what’s going on. BOLD Favor: I know you both have business ventures you work on separately; can you share with our readers some of these ventures?

Photo Credit: Katisha Smittick of Mental Mayhem boldfavormagazine.com

Sherrell: You want to go first baby? Alfred: Yeah!!! I’m an artist, two time Grammy nominated narrator/actor. I’m constantly working on that. Another thing I’m working on is Duncan Man Planning, a planning firm strictly for men to help create Forever Moments for their significant others. After the wedding everyone looked at me as a hero. I find it hard to believe that I’m the only man who loves his girlfriend or wife so much to pull off something like that [referencing surprise wedding]. I am blessed with resources, time, creativity and more. I just think there are other men who want to do something like that but may not have the resources or those kinds of talents. I want to help them show the love of their life how much they really mean to them. Sherrell: Before the wedding I was a full time Personal Trainer working for myself. Since the wedding I haven’t done personal training in-person. I’ve been doing a lot of virtual training. I also have Dear Self: Your Forever Starts Here, a campaign that helps women find a way to be free, a way to stop being shackled to their own pain and a way to take off the mask and talk about what they’ve been through. It helps them to heal, start their business and make healthy relationships. I feel like we as people suppress so much that we block our blessings, and it cripples us from being the best that we can be. I created a curriculum that shows all the trials and tribulations I’ve been through, and how I’ve come out of them. And I show them how they can come out of theirs! My husband and I are also couple coaches, so we coach couples and we do couples retreats. We do a lot! BOLD Favor: I can’t end the interview without talking about your two books God Made Me Wait and Man Up-Liftin…tell the readers about the books and what you want them to come away with after reading the book.

Sherrell: I want them to be free. I want them to own their mistakes and share it. You might be able to help people. My story has been able to help and heal people. It’s assisted some in coming from very dark places. A lot of people don’t want to talk about abortions. Not too many people want to talk about having one night stands or anything society would shame you for. Not that many people know I made it out of because of the grace of God. Through all of that I prayed. Even if I made a bad decision I prayed about it. God covered me while I was sinning. He didn’t let me fall. I didn’t die. There was always a lesson in what I did. So I want people to own up and face it and believe in the power of God. Alfred: My book is about the misconception of manhood. Speaking with my best friend, we had to really relearn what manhood was. Many of the things we’d previously learned, we learned from people we shouldn’t have been looking up to, the world and dominant culture. So we had to relearn what manhood really is, how we wanted to define it and how the world defines it. Hopefully it’s inspirational to men young and old. It’s important to learn what manhood is for you and not just adopt all of the misconceptions. I feel the man, especially the Black Man, is under attack. Not only are we under attack of the enemy, but we’re also under attack of ourselves. So we’re trying to get people out of that mindset we were taught and teach them how love on each other and be Kings. It’s showing them how to stand up for their wives, sisters, daughters and women in general and help other Kings be Kings. BOLD Favor: Thank you so much for this amazing opportunity to speak with you both and allowing our readers to get to know The Duncans. Sherrell & Alfred: It was our pleasure!!! ■

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Kevin Davenport Founder & President of The Ideal Candidate NFP. Loan Officer for Chicago Neighborhood Initiatives

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stalem ate in church

As a Pastor the last thing you want to hear is that the pioneers of the church are failing to coexist with the millennials in the church. Unfortunately, this is where the church as a whole is currently at. The men and women who have gotten us here no longer want to cooperate with the young men and women who will take us into the future. Contrary to popular belief this is an urgent problem to the body of Christ at large. If this problem isn’t resolved quickly then we could be looking at spiritual disaster. 1 John 2:14 says, “He’s called the older because they know and the young because of their strength”. That scripture lets us know that we have to do this together. If we don’t work together then what we will have is a sick and dysfunctional church. Ultimately, smart and strong members but no system or structure to build upon for the future.

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I wondered to myself numerous times prior to writing this article what could be the reason for this stalemate in the church? After a few days it hit me like a ton of bricks. The seasoned members and the millennial members are at odds about which methods are most effective and there in lies the biggest problem. The battle shouldn’t be in house, it should be against Satan and his kingdom of darkness. Looking carefully at the arguments it’s clear that both sides have the same goal but differ when it comes to the methods used. The millennials want a more modern church, free and liberated and the seasoned members want a more traditional church, structured and reserved. In reality both are needed in order to move forward.

As we surge ahead in the 21st century we must evolve as the times and technology evolves, if we don’t we will be irrelevant and ineffective.

Then I looked at the strongest argument of the millennials and they say that the seasoned members still operate as if it’s 1970, refuse to evolve and are too judgmental about evolution in the church. Things such as going to the movies, make up, short tight and revealing clothing, gospel hip hop, etc...are huge no no’s of most seasoned members and some of their fire and brimstone teachings can not be backed by any scriptural reference.

Knowing this I looked at the strongest argument of the seasoned members and noticed that they have a valid and very interesting point. The millennials are smart, talented, gifted and relentless but their prayer life is weak!!! Additionally, they flock by the drones for concerts but are M.I.A when it’s time for prayer or Bible study. Why is that a problem you ask? Jesus told his disciples in Mark chapter 9 that somethings only come by prayer and supplication. If the millennials fail to pray (communicate with God) then they become weak and ultimately the seasoned members are reluctant to turn over the reigns of a church they worked so hard to build.

Having heard both arguments I felt personally responsible to find a solution to these problems. It’s not for someone else to do, it’s my responsibility to be a part of the solution. But once one admits that, what’s next? ■ Pastor Randall N. Moore, Sr.

3 1 We must come to the table as a team that has both strength and knowledge.

2 We must keep in mind that both sides have the same objective, even if the methods differ.

We must not make this about any individual accomplishment or agenda but make every voice an integral part of the process.

4 We must begin to not only share vital information but to make sure that the millennials are properly equipped to transition when necessary.

5 Lastly, we must genuinely support each other’s accomplishments and endeavors even if it doesn’t include us or our ideas, etc...

To save our church this is what we must do.

Letters To Ms. Jessica Book Review Upon reading Letters To Ms. Jessica by Jessica Frazier, I found myself going back to reread letters and underline words that packed significant emotions. I was reminded immediately of the continued need to do additional advocacy, training, and awareness around human trafficking and sexual exploitation. The author skillfully guided us through her historicity of working with diverse groups of young ladies attempting to obtain treatment in hopes of ameliorating their own lives. With easy to understand definitions, many terms are explicated without confusion which makes this a great read. Each account or letter serves as a reminder of someoneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s reality which can easily be altered without notice due to choices or circumstances beyond their control. While the author did not arrange these accounts in any order, they appear to be divinely placed for reflection, connection, and inspiration. Based on these connections and reflections, the author appeared clearly inspired to push beyond her imagination to produce a thought-provoking piece of work! I am sure that this is only the beginning to her sharing these robust experiences with us; I look forward to reading more from Ms. Jessica. â&#x2013; Shevander Dykes, Licensed Professional Counselor

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Listening to social media and other outlets, I’m tired of hearing the black community this (negative) or the black community is not together like the Italian community, Nigerian community or any other community. My question is now.... “Do any of you know what a community is, let alone the black community?” The one thing I know is there are over 300 million people in the US with varying ideology no matter how far you break down the demographics of any group of people. Not to long ago I was listening to my mom and closes aunt who are both over 70 years old and they spoke of what went on in their community as young people in Summerville, SC and then on into college at SC State down the highway in Orangeburg. Racism was around them but they spoke of people who stood up for themselves by still operating within the law but also fought the law on the policy side. My mother spoke of meeting Thurgood Marshal at her school as a child and then later hearing about him and his legal winning the case for desegregation of schools. The funny thing is my mom spoke of farming, going out to places, getting soda, candy, groceries and actually interacting with people in the COMMUNITY. When I asked were they black owned, she said most were and that some places were not but they were in their COMMUNITY.

Community: What is Fast-forward to when and where I grew up outside of Houston, TX. I, like all my friends grew up with both parents. My father was employed at the local HBCU, about a mile from the house, most of my friends fathers were employed at the same university and their mothers, like mine worked at the surrounding independent school districts where all of us went to school. We grew up knowing our friends parents, the local store was owned by someone in my neighborhood, my doctor was my next door neighbor. The local bank was owned by the HBCU and all the board members lived in my community. I lived in what could be a black community though different groups also lived there but everything in the community was ran by friends, neighbors or investors familiar with the residents. Once I graduated from college and moved closer to downtown Houston, I lived in an apartment and in a 5 mile radius, I only knew or associated with two people. Though most of the people who lived near me were black, and their kids went to school together but it was not a community, it was a section, but I did not know what my neighbors wanted out of life or what their political or social push was. You make your community, not social media. The Black community is not one community in the world.... we belong to the human community and once you get engaged in your community and fight for certain things... then you are a community. It can be a black community if that is what you feel, but make sure you make a positive impact on YOUR community. ■ David Good boldfavormagazine.com

THE

UNCERTAINTY OF IT ALL

As our country continues to move in directions unknown, some will argue that the plight of education is enduring the same fate. While student achievement is on the rise for many, so has discipline concerns and dissatisfaction with public schools for others. For some, the discipline and dissatisfaction go hand in hand and is prompting parents to seek other options.

they seek other options. However, the key word here is PERCEIVE. Achievement scores do not provide the entire narrative of a school. Additionally, depending on the assessment components that make up the score, there may be factors impacting the score that are unbeknownst to parents. Nevertheless, parents see a score. They do not care what the score is comprised of, they care about the score. This state of mind can be dangerous for public schools. There are great things going on and there are indeed students learning in schools deemed â&#x20AC;&#x153;low performingâ&#x20AC;?. Schools all over this country are producing successful students. So what is the answer? Well, that answer is simple as well, although what is simple is not always easy to implement. The keys include early learning programs, increased parent involvement, and parents holding their neighborhood schools, and fellow parents, accountable for providing their children with an environment that is conducive to learning.

Parents who seek something different explore school choice options such as private, charter, and online schools. So what is driving this exploration of educational options? Why are parents increasingly not pleased with their neighborhood schools? The answer is simple, low achievement, and high numbers of disciplinary incidents comes in as a close second. There are schools across this country that exude learning as soon as you walk through the door. There are others that may reflect learning, but they reflect challenges as well. It does not take long to pick up on the climate of a school, and achievement scores are just a click away. Without well-behaved students teachers have a difficult time teaching. When teachers have difficulty teaching, students do not have maximum learning opportunities. When this occurs, achievement scores can suffer. Parents want their children in schools that are achieving. If they perceive that is not occurring,

Early learning programs can be pivotal in equipping students at ages three and four with the necessary skills to be successful throughout their school matriculation. Parents must get involved in whatever capacity feasible for them. They cannot always be present during the day to provide volunteer hours, but they can be amenable to open lines of communication with teachers and schools. Partnership is imperative. Finally, parents must hold schools accountable and demand the instructional environment they want for their children. They must also hold each other accountable for parenting by supporting teachers when discipline issues arise. Additionally, parents MUST be parents. If a child does not have or does not fear consequences at home for behavior at school, it is at that point everyone loses. The answer is easy, the implementation is not. Early learning programs require funding and society cannot legislate good parenting. Parents must take it upon themselves to take ownership in their neighborhood schools. Until that happens, there will continue to be an exodus to other educational options. â&#x2013; Dr. Connie F. Stevenson

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loie chambers

AUTHOR - MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER - MASTER STORY CREATOR

Author Spotlight

Loie Chambers is a graceful woman whose quiet confidence radiates from her gentle spirit. So it’s a little disconcerting to think about her longing for anything. Yet, that’s a key point in her first book entitled Longing for Dad. No, Loie wasn’t pining away for her father (they have a great relationship). Rather, Loie was at one point wrestling with being an author.

“I’ve always had an interest in writing. I feel that I was born to write and was blessed to have a knack for it.”

Loie has been writing and helping others with their papers and assignments for as long as she could remember. She didn’t necessarily want to be a writer, but she wanted to be… literary. Loie wrote things and set it to the side. She’d run across those past works and think to herself, “Oh, who wrote this?” And lo and behold it was she!

But it wasn’t easy. But nothing worth having ever is. And Loie knows that from experience. After immigrating to the US from Jamaica years ago with her high school sweetheart and husband Ian, and building a life in Miami, Florida, then relocating to Fairburn, Georgia; Loie knows challenge, transition, and starting over pretty well (more key topics of Longing for Dad!). But she knows the wonder that can come from all of that change. She also knows how to juggle competing responsibilities pretty well. Loie is a devoted wife and mother of three, works full time in banking, and volunteers with her church and other community organizations. She had to make the time to complete her book, which started as a three page writing assignment for a course almost eight years prior. But she pushed and thought back on all the ideas that had popped up through the years. Loie began a journey of self-reflection and discovery that led her to Toastmasters and a two-year internship with a prominent Atlanta-based magazine. And finally to her completed manuscript, ready to to present to the world. “What does your family think?” As with most things, large leaps require incredible support, and Loie is blessed to have that in plentiful supply. Loie’s daughters have been huge cheerleaders, encouraging their friends to buy the book. She loves that they see her “walking it out”, living the faith and commitment to success she raised them to practice in their own lives.

These words spoken by Loie’s pastor really resonated within her soul. Loie knew she would write for free, and had been doing so for quite some time. So she knew it was time to tap into that passion for writing - and it led her to finally complete Longing for Dad.

And Loie’s husband Ian is very proud. He is her “biggest PR person. He tells everyone at work, on social media, to support his wife,” she adds with a laugh. So what’s next for Loie in this grand new adventure? “Sell books, book speaking engagements, and to write part two of [Longing for Dad]!” ■ Lynita MitchellBlackwell

Get your copy today on her website at

LoieChambers.com or on Amazon.com boldfavormagazine.com

ELAINA ZUKER CEO, ELAINA ZUKER ASSOCIATES

Elaina Zuker has taught seminars to executives, gives speeches and writes books, including bestseller “7 Secrets of Influence” her new book, “A Swift Kick in the Can’ts – the New Peer Mentor Model for Success Now”

ezinfluence.com

Communicate for Success with Your Peer Mentor

The “what” part of your communication is the content of how you are each progressing towards your goals, and the actual sharing of resources with each other. The “how” of your interactions, is the process, the manner in which you communication various aspects of your ongoing relationship. For example, you may be frustrated with the number of times your partner has cancelled or shown up late for your appointment. Or feel that the amount of time you have devoted to his/her goal achievement far exceeds the amount of help you have gotten.

Once you have created your contract with your Peer Mentor, and have begun meeting

He or she may feel the same way, in these or other aspects of your relationship.

there are certain guidelines for the process of communication.

So it’s important to have a skillful way to express your feelings, describe what your expectations are and feel free to tell your Peer/Mentor what you’re pleased about and where you feel things are falling short.

(either in person, via Skype, email or telephone)

Like any good partnership, relationship, friendship or business alliance, all will not go smoothly, all the time.

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Delegate INFLUENCE Many managers (especially those new to the job) fail to delegate - the reasons for this vary; theses range from fear of failure to an overwhelming desire to be needed. One of the most common reasons for failing to delegate work, authority, and responsibility, is a general lack of confidence. If you are a manager or supervisor and want to exercise greater influence over employees, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll need to get your ideas across effectively and to resolve conflicts positively even while promoting yourself a bit. In the meantime, you can follow these simple ideas for delegating with influence. Some managers feel that employees will become annoyed or feel put upon, and as a consequence will resent being asked to carry out tasks. Of course, such managers are forgetting that it is their job to get work done through those they manage. 60

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FOR

GUIDELINES Influential Delegation Accept delegation as a managing and influencing way of life. Delegation is not just desirable but necessary to a successful department. Even if employees do not do things the way you would do them, you should be prepared to accept and live with the results. Specify goals and objectives. The clearer you are, the more Influence you’ll have. Employees must know not only what is to be done, but why, how well, when, with what resources, by whom, and according to what priority. Know employees’ capabilities and individual strengths and weaknesses. If you don’t know what your people can do, you may ask them to perform tasks they aren’t qualified or trained to do or have little liking for. And your influence will be more lasting. Agree on performance standards. It’s important for you and your subordinates to agree on the standards against which their performance will be measured. These include such information as the quality of work, the time of completion, and other criteria. Include training. Delegating doesn’t mean simply handing employees something they’ve never done before and saying, “Let me have this by next Monday.” You must provide the necessary training that will enable employees to do the new task and empower them to use their own influence.

Take an interest, but don’t hover. Managerial snooping will not be welcomed by employees. But the boss who really cares about the delegated assignment and takes the trouble to find out how it’s going won’t be resented. On the contrary, employees will be pleased that their efforts are being noticed and appreciated, and they’ll be greatly influenced by these efforts. Delegate, don’t Abdicate You’ll have maximum influence when you make specifically clear what is expected, then follow up to make sure goals and targets are being met. Assess results. Carefully appraise employee’s performance of a delegated task. Only then will you know what’s needed to improve that performance, such as further training or motivation. Give appropriate rewards. An employee who successfully completes a delegated assignment deserves recognition and praise. The manager should recommend pay increases and promotions for employees who effectively handle greater Don’t snatch back the delegated task. An employee may not be doing as well as you’d hoped with an assignment, but think twice before you take it back-unless, of course, the problem is serious. Making mistakes, finding out about them, and correcting them is a valuable learning experience. And if you take back the task you delegate, your employees will wonder how sincere you are in your talk about delegating. boldfavormagazine.com

When you might do it poorly because of lack of time. When subordinates can do it just as well given the cost or time involved. When the subordinates can’t do it as well but your doing it interferes with something more important. Delegate, coach the subordinate on how to do it, and expect less satisfactory results than you would have achieve. If this can’t be done, subordinates may be unqualified to do this job. You need controls on this situation. When a project will be useful for developing a subordinate, if cost or time permits, and if you can afford the risk. When it actually costs too much for you to do it. When you are spending too much of your time on operations. TO

WHEN Delegate

WHEN Delegate NOT

When someone else can do it as well as yourself, or better.

When no one can do it as well as you and when the time it will take you isn’t out of proportion with its importance. When the task is confidential or beyond what subordinates can handle. When it doesn’t cost too much for you to do it, or when the time of passing it on would consume the savings. When you have to set the pace and pattern, to show how to take long steps. When you must keep close enough to see trends, keep informed, maintain controls, and so on. If delegating keeps you to far from certain matters that you must be informed on, then the question is not if the employee can do it but rather “Can I maintain the necessary control by delegating?”

Hold Fast to your dreams Know your worth Anything you put your mind to You can do it Follow the Vision Speak on Purpose

Dream the Dream than has not been dreamt No one can take what is yours

Be Intentional Be fearless You determine your future See opportunities with no boundaries Be Bold Increase is limitless

Claim the Victory in advance

You are fearless Leap into your Bold Future Prosperity will come Greatness will come Live in Destiny

Have a mind to receive from God Trust in his word Increase your appetite to be nourished by God Apply the principles to prosper Forget you, find faith Loose the poverty mentality Anything God gives, He will Sustain

Must have patience and faith

Apply the principles of Seed time/harvest time Make room! Create a void so God can fill it.

Weapons form, but they will not prosper

Hold Fast to your dreams

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“A lot of people worked hard for me to be here.” These were the first words spoken at the beginning of our interview with Simply Business’ Talent Learning and Development Partner Joshua Encarnacion. A charismatic and engaging person, Joshua enthusiastically embraces the “100% Millennial Profile”: one who sits in an office, but does 95% of his or her work via a smartphone. “My job is built on communication, and I’ve spent over a decade working this way.” As tech savvy as Joshua proves to be, you’d never guess that the native New Yorker’s original focus was football. Joshua loved the game, and was set on being a professional athlete. But then life happened: he discovered he had a rare heart disease that made playing contact sports incredibly risky. It was a worldshattering revelation, but Joshua knew life had to go on. So, with the help of his community, he learned to turn all the energy and commitment that had once been focused on football to Human Resources work in the Technology industry. Joshua was already interested in science & technology, having studied engineering his first two years in college. A mentor saw in him a special ability to connect with people, and suggested HR, and he brought a focus to technology. “HR makes tech a more empathetic, human, caring space.” Joshua brings his entire existence – his background, culture, communities and beliefs – to his career, and it is what sets him apart.

“My existence is resistance.” Getting from Manhattan (where he was born) to California wasn’t a straight line. Joshua had to work through the pain and confusion that came with his father being deported when he was nine, and feeling the void of his absent father. But as one of 14 in a blended family, Joshua has had to find a way to get what he wanted and needed his entire life. Support from his communities, and use of his phone made it possible to do that: he made it from the University Massachusetts Dartmouth to California… based on a tweet. “I had to get off my mom’s couch somehow.” He didn’t know anyone in California, but knew he’d have to get there if he wanted to work at a tech company, so he used his cell phone. 64

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It wasn’t an easy move, but Joshua knew it was necessary. He often wonders what his life would be if he hadn’t left his community, and he’s honest about the fact that the answer to that question has changed throughout his life. When Joshua considers his life as a unicorn – one who expresses his hopes and dreams differently than those around him, he realizes the incredible growth that has come from all the challenges. Some of those growth lessons included practicing vulnerability, truly being open to expressing one’s self. With that understanding came the realization that he was a person of incredible privilege. As a man, and a fairer skinned man, he has enjoyed freedoms that family and friends may not have. Joshua also embraced sharing the ups and the downs of life. “Moving across the country [was] not easy. When I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders, I told people. And they talked things through with me.” Those people lent their courage, encouraged Joshua to continue and reminded him why he did what he did. Those reminders went a long way in helping Joshua remain focused on his goals. Another thing that helped (and still helps) Joshua remain focused is his daily routine. Each day, he starts with a health routine, spends time with friends and family, serves in whatever space he’s in, and practices gratitude actively – to the point that people describe him as “overly annoyingly positive”. He takes in all with a smile. Embracing that gratitude attitude also empowered Joshua to reconnect with his dad in the Dominican Republic. It was profound in that he felt no judgment toward his dad being deported for doing things that he should not have done. Rather, he accepts how things are now. And thankfully, that’s a good place. Although Joshua has no life regrets, he does wish he had more time. Understood – there’s never enough time when we’re living the life we want, owning the power that comes with knowing that we are designing every moment as we go! ■ Lynita Mitchell-Blackwell

Follow Joshua on

Twitter @joshuaenc or email him at

joshuaenc@gmail.com

Most Notably Joshua Encarnacion

Football and STEM Have A lot in Common

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BOLDFAVOR MAGAZINE

WHY I DON’T WANT TO BE A LEADER Growing up the idea of being a leader had no interest to me whatsoever. Who wants to be a leader anyway! Who wants the responsibility! Who would have believed I would have gone on to do post-graduate studies in leadership and lead local and International organizations. One hears so much about leadership. Some actively court being a leader maybe it’s innate or maybe they just like to lead, the sense of achievement that it gives or the sense of importance. Whatever the case the world could not function properly without leaders. Even nature tells us this. The queen bee leads the worker bees and they produce honey. The leader of a pride of lions protects and grows the pride. In the human kingdom there are a multiplicity of leadership levels. So let’s bring it back a little closer to home. Personal leadership, it’s something a person has to do whether they like it or not, even if it’s to make the decision of what time to get up in the morning. Personal leadership is one of the most important types of leadership because it impacts everything an individual does and ultimately impacts the world they live in. I was so shy and quiet growing up nobody could have told me I would become a leader. But I’m glad I learned those skills most from experience and some from study. Success in life is in large part due to a person’s personal leadership. If you haven’t been the best leader to date it’s okay, as the old adage says “Today is the first day of the rest of your life.” That new direction can start today, that new decisions can be made today and the new results will come both today and in the future. Whatever level of leadership you are at today these ‘5 Secrets of Leadership’ can serve as a reminder or a catalyst to propel you forward: 68

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1. Take action. Action is the mother of accomplishment. 2. Identify and obtain education/ skills and continuing professional development 3. Develop and work with teams of people. 4. Be strengthened in the knowledge that you are supported by a source outside of yourself i.e. God 5. Persist until your goals are accomplished.

These 5 secrets have been acquired by the author over many years, most of them by trial and error. Today I can truly say that whatever I put my hand to, is accomplished. This wasn’t always the case it was a very long journey but if I can do it anyone can do it and much more besides. What is it that you want to accomplish is it that new management position, that new home, that new relationship, more finances? I encourage you to go ahead and reach for it. When faced with an obstacle consider reflecting on the 5 secrets of leadership and keep going. Wishing you success in your endeavors. ■ Marigold Edwards

BOLDFAVOR MAGAZINE

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Whenever something happens to us, particularly at the hands of another person, we immediately look at ourselves as victim and wonder what we did wrong. But the truth of the matter is that we didn’t do anything wrong. NOTHING. Your behavior was not the reason or the catalyst that someone else did what they did. They did what they did because that’s what they wanted to do. It had everything to do with them and really nothing to do with you. I know that sounds crazy and it is counter-intuitive, but think about it this way: when a person makes a decision as to how they are going to react, it has everything to do with them and nothing to do with you. Whether it’s a harsh word, a physical act, or a strike against someone we love, WE decide how or if we are going to respond. Which means that the response truly has nothing to do with the other person and everything to do with US. One morning, I was sitting waiting for my mother to get ready for church. I did my nails and got my hair together. I was dressed, my makeup was done, and my phone was fully charged. I was ready to go. The only thing missing was my mom. My husband had gone on earlier. My daughter was out of town. It was just the two of us. When my mom came out of her room, she apologize for running a little behind. I chuckled because I had decided that I was not going to get angry. I looked at her, laughed, and said, “How long have you been my mom?”

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See, at some point we have to decide how we are going to deal with certain situations. I had decided that I was not going to be angry and that I was just going to do other things until it was time to leave. My response had NOTHING to do with her being late and or about us running behind. It was how I wanted to feel and how I wanted to react. Life is just like that. That is not to say that when someone does something to hurt us that we won’t sometimes react in a way that is instinctual. But we are human beings, some of the most (if not the most) evolved beings on this planet. We have a choice as to how we are going to respond. And so we have to make a decision as to whether we are going to allow instinct to rule us and therefore control our Destiny, or if we are going to use our God-given intellect and spiritual intelligence to be everything that we want to be. Our decisions have everything to do with us. And when we behave in a way that resonates with love, then others are automatically included. ■

Nothing to do with You

The (Last) Leading Word:

Reflections Lynita Mitchell - Blackwell Check out our new website at

LivingtheLifestyle.Live to enjoy our featured posts to inspire you to live the leadership lifestyle!

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