PLAYING JOKES
g n i y a l P Jokes
A guide to some essentia l
kes equipment for playing jo
If you like playing jokes on people, this article will really help you complete your objectives. It is a comprehensive guide on all the jokes available for really irritating your friends, family and work colleagues. Learn the tools of the trade and prepare yourself for combat. OK, let’s roll! The remote control fart machine: this machine will reproduce a rude sound at a distance… and without the smell. Place it under the table at formal dinners and embarrass one of your guests. It is particularly effective with the elderly.
Joke Cards Send a fake card like the one below to a colleague at work. The card will really embarrass your co-worker. Leave it in a public place so everybody else in the office can see what kind of product your victim is buying.
The fake turd: this is a false piece of doggie excrement. Put it on the floor in a house of office and enquire innocently if anyone has seen your dog. The stink bomb: these little bombs produce a revolting smell. Break one in an enclosed space and watch how your victims suffocate. Remember to take your gas mask with you. The electrical buzzer for handshakes: this is an electronic device that gives little electrical shocks. Place it in the palm of your hand and watch how your colleague gets a shock. The two-headed coin: this unusual coin has two heads. Use it to resolve disputes - you’ll always win! GLOSSARY The well-endowed pig: this is a toy pig with a very large “youknow-what”. Keep him on your desk at work to remind you not to take life too seriously. A fake parking ticket: this is a parking ticket that is designed to look exactly like the real thing. Put one of these on your friend’s car it’s the perfect wind-up. The exploding pen: this explodes when you try to use it. Leave it in the office and watch how the ink ruins a nice clean shirt. The whoopee cushion: this is the classic prankster joke. Like the fart machine, it reproduces a resonant sound identical to the sound of gas being forced out of a small space. Put one on the president’s chair before a top-level meeting. Then, watch his or her face of embarrassment as they sit down. The vibrating pen: this pen vibrates as you try to write with it. Kindly offer one to colleagues, then watch how they drop it in shock.
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the tools of the trade n the objects you need to do a job the remote control n the electronic object that controls the television, or any other electronic device, from a distance a fart n gas that comes out of your body fake adj not real a turd n inform offens a piece of excrement a doggie n inform a dog a stink n a very bad smell revolting adj horrible, terrible - usually in reference to a smell a gas mask n an object you put over your face to protect you from bad chemicals or smells a buzzer n an electronic device that is used to make a “buzzing” sound - usually to call someone’s attention a handshake n the action you do when you meet someone: you put your right hand in their right hand and move it up and down two-headed adj with two heads. Coins (metal pieces of
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money) have two sides: heads (usually with a picture of a king, queen or president), and tails (with a design) well-endowed adj with large genitalia a you-know-what n people use this word when they don’t want to mention a specific word, usually because it is rude a parking ticket n the piece of paper they put on your car telling you to pay money because your car is parked illegally a wind-up n inform a joke, a trick designed to make you angry ink n a chemical substance in pens - usually black, blue or red whoopee exp people shout this when they are excited or happy a cushion n a small, soft piece of material that you put on a sofa to make the sofa more comfortable a prankster n someone who likes playing jokes on other people to drop vb if you “drop” something, that thing accidentally falls from your hands
