Calgary Stampede Survival Guide

STAMPEDE SURVIVAL GUIDE It’s time for the city’s favourite 10-day stint of debauchery — otherwise known as The Calgary Stampede.

Saying hi at the Stampede is easy.

Don’t mess it up by taking them on a shitty first date.

www.itsdatenight.com

STRAIGHT DOPE STAMPEDE WEEK T H E

ON

EVENT NEWS

UNDERCURRENTS STMPDR.COM

#STMPDR

PROMOTIONS

bridgeland . holt renfrew . mount royal

dirty

GET THIS STAMPEDE.

Stampede, Detox, Repeat.

Meet Dirty Lemonade, your must-have accessory for Stampede 2015. Crafted with organic lemon, activated charcoal and bentonite clay, known to remineralize and balance pH, this black beauty is just what you need to go 10 days strong.

Mention Branded Magazine at any Cru Juice location throughout Stampede and get 20% off your Dirty Lemonade. Offer expires July 12, 2015. www.crujuice.com

CHEC K L I ST GAME PLAN Like any good soldier going into battle you need to have a conscious plan of attack. This Stampede, make sure you’ve got the Car2go app to make getting around and parking easier, the Find my iPhone app for those slippery evenings at Cowboys, and of course the stmpdr mobile site tee’d up on your home screen to get the latest and greatest news on the best pancake breakfast, the loudest concerts, wildest tents, and the hottest spots to be.

SWEET WESTERN OUTFIT Tassels, fringe, turquoise, and flashy western wear are not just welcomed, they’re encouraged.

Having a great outfit will make you stand out from the crowd, make you easy to spot if you lose your people, and can be a fantastic conversation starter.

STAMPEDE EMERGENCY KIT Swap out those Band-Aids and gauze for water, some extra strength Advil, condoms, wet wipes, and some Tums to contend with the deep fried snacks that you’ll find throughout the grounds. This is a great way to make friends.

TOLERANCE There are some things money can’t buy and this is one of them.

Like training your body for a marathon, you should probably be hitting the patios throughout June in order to acquire a strong constitution for shooting Jack Daniels, drinking beer in the heat of the day, and handling white wine spritzers like a pro.

If you are feeling unprepared — stay hydrated. We recommend a two to one strategy. Water, then Jack Daniels, then more water.

PHONE CHARGER Chances are good that you won’t be spending much time at home or at the office. Make sure you’re packing a charger to avoid those oh-so-painful situations of carrying around a dead cell phone and missing out on capturing a good time or losing your friends. In an attempt to cater to cell phone users, more and more events have charging stations so it shouldn’t be hard to find a place to plug in.

BE IN THE KNOW Stay up to speed by following @datenightyyc, @stmpdr, and @brandedyyc.

all photos courtesy of The Calgary Stampede Archives

STAMPEDE STYLE F OR HIM & HE R

HER

TH E BOSS LA DY STYLE GU IDE WORDS BY CAITLIN BEST

As someone who can proudly claim the former and illustrious title of extra on the set of CBC’s Heartland, I’ve learned a thing or two about Western fashion. If you want to look your best this year, take my advice and you’ll be the most put together boss lady in all of Cowtown.

WRANGLERS, AVOIDING MUSTARD STAINS AND ASS CHEEKS Jean is the operative word here. Blue jeans, jean jacket, jean skirt, and heck if you have jean underwear, why not give them a whirl?

Jean jackets are the perfect article of clothing to give that cute summer dress a country look. Jean skirts can make you feel a little more feminine when you’re wearing flannel.

THE MUST-HAVE HAT A cowgirl without a cowboy hat is like LeAnn Rimes without hate mail. Stetsons and less expensive versions are plentiful in late June and early July. If you can, plan to shop local and buy a Smithbilt.

WHOSE BED HAVE YOUR BOOTS BEEN UNDER? Long days at office events, longer lines at the tents, and late night parties mean you should invest in a comfortable pair of boots. If you can borrow a broken-in pair from a friend of family member, perfect, but if Stampede is your time to shine, then why not invest in your own pair? Just don’t leave those boots behind the next morning.

Wink wink.

While I’m all for making a statement, if you’re rocking jean shorts, don’t let your butt hang out the back. This isn’t Coachella and it just looks plain ridiculous. Do you really want the guy behind you asking about the birthmark on your right cheek?

BLING IS EVERYTHING If you’ve ever caught a Shania Twain concert at the grounds, you’ll know that she is essentially the honky-tonk version of Cher, with some seriously over the top outfits. On that note, I’m not asking, I’m telling you to go big in 2015.

Every well-styled cowgirl should have a nice pair of jeans, which can transition into any stampede outfit. Ripped, relaxed, bejeweled or Wrangler tight — it’s all up to you. If you plan on grabbing snacks on the grounds, I’d suggest sticking with dark denim to hide potential mustard stains — one of my own tried and true secrets for looking stylish after eating anything off a stick.

Go for the shiny belt buckle, tie-on a bandana, and have an affair with leather fringe. Raiding your mother’s closet or hitting the nearest thrift store to find a retro leather jacket can easily accomplish the latter. If you’ve never strutted your stuff down 17th avenue in a tassel jacket, you simply haven’t lived. If anyone gives you a hard time, just explain you’re channeling Dances With Wolves. That’s what I do.

HIM STA M P E D E AT TIRE FO R THE U RBA N COW B OY WORDS BY TYLER JACOBSON

Fellas, despite what the ladies may say, we’ve got it a whole hell of a’lot harder than the gals do this time of year.

At some point the mercury will rise and temperatures will reach an almost unbearable level. Thank goodness us men are strutting around in jeans, heavy boots and a ridiculously over-priced jean shirt from Lammle’s, right?

THE SHIRT: We have to adapt to a completely different sense of style that is far from our own for a matter of 10 days.

Regardless, we wear the stupid shirt, even if the scorching sun makes us feel we’ve wandered into the sulfur pits of hell itself.

We sweat like prostitutes in church because of these things. We resist the temptation to cut the sleeves, at risk of looking like a complete douchebag. We don’t live in Florida, and even if we did you should have enough self-respect to be better than that. Roll up your sleeves and tough it out — cut sleeves belong at the water-fountain, and no one wants to belong at the waterfountain.

THE BOOTS: Maybe you work on a farm, in which case your boots are broken-in and comfy as a pig-in-mud. For the rest of us who only dawn our shitkickers once a year — the blisters alone will make you question everything you’ve ever believed in. The best strategy to combat the potential hellspawns forming on your heels, toes, calves, or wherever your boots may aggressively assault your skin is to wear some thickass socks. I’m talking the type that would make it seem as if you’d just skinned a wooly mammoth.

Do your feet sweat profusely? Maybe, but if I see someone wearing flipflops during Stampede I will go out of my way to two-step right onto your exposed toes — you look like a jackass and you deserve the heel of my boot.

If you’re doing Stampede, do it right. Buckle up with the rest of us and sweat it out gents.

Remember, the glorious Stampede only comes once a year and we should cherish, if not relish the opportunity to dress in a way most people only would during Halloween.

Giddy Up.

IR

T Y-

SE V E N Y E

A

7

7 8 – 2 0 15

CE

Q U AL I T Y

19

OF

L E B R AT I N G

H

RS

T

Quality • Fit • Selection • Service

STAMPEDE HOURS Until July 12th Mon-Fri 9am - 9pm Sat 9am - 6pm Sun 11am - 4pm July 13th We Will Be Back To Our Regular Hours

Mon-Sat 9am - 6pm

Alberta Boot Co. #50 - 50 Ave SE Two Blocks East of Macleod Trail 403-263-4623 www.albertaboot.com

WELL, HOW HUNGrY ArE YA Sip on a FireProof, our signature Stampede cocktail, at one of two cozy outdoor patios.

Fabulous cuisine just a few clipity-clops from the Stampede grounds.

340 17th Avenue SW

338 17th Avenue SW

The wine & cheese bistro most favoured by hungry and thirsty Stampeders.

Sit by Lake Bonavista and enjoy fine Rocky Mountain cuisine re-imagined by chef Thomas Neukom.

113 8th Avenue SW

747 Lake Bonavista Dr. SE

crmr.com

WHERE TO GO RANCHMAN’S COOKHOUSE & DANCEHALL If you happen to find yourself in the south, head to Ranchman’s. They’ve got plenty of events and activities to ensure you make the most of those 10 special days.

Make sure to check out the Cowboys vs.

Firefighters charity pole climb or the 16th annual PBR Bullbustin’. They’ve also got some great limo deals so you and your friends can start your day at Ranchman’s then cruise to the grounds in style.

THE COCA-COLA STAGE The Coca-Cola stage provides an opportunity to see some amazing acts free of charge. But, fair warning — unless you plan on waiting hours before the set time, you probably won’t be front row.

Fortunately this outdoor stage remains in great ear and view shot from just about anywhere near the BMO Centre. The main acts start just after 9pm, but entertainment is on all-day including the annual hypnotist and talent search performances.

COWBOYS DANCEHALL AND TENT Year round, Cowboys has been a popular spot with its convenient location next to the Dome. Stampede is no exception, especially with such talented acts on stage. This year, expect to see Sam Hunt, The Sheepdogs, Ludacris, Blue Rodeo, Alan Jackson, and even Lil John – a little something for everyone.

NASHVILLE NORTH Despite the long lines and funky smell that tends to develop as the week goes on, Nashville North remains one of the most sought after bars for those magical 10 days. With its convenient location right off the midway, it’s the perfect place to complete a day of fun. Remember, the sticky ground is part of the charm.

THE WILDHORSE SALOON Located in the heart of downtown, your Stampede adventure wouldn’t be complete without a trip to Wildhorse. Daily concerts, tasty western barbecue, and a dance floor for endless two-steppin’ — what more could you need? To top it all off, Wildhorse has seven different bars, meaning your glass will always be more than half full.

We’re optimists like that.

KNOXVILLE With the recent closure of The Roadhouse, Calgary has vacancy for a new country bar.

Dubbing themselves, “The bar your mother warned you about,” we have a feeling this new venue will be the perfect destination for your stampede shenanigans.

5 PATIOS TO ROAST ON Anejo Bar C National (all locations) The Ship & Anchor Wurst BREAKFAST SPOTS – HUNGOVER OR NOT The Beltliner Blue Star Diner Diner Deluxe Holy Grill Red’s Diner PLACES FOR A REAL DRINK, IN A REAL GLASS Cannibale Cleaver Milk Tiger Lounge Model Milk Pr%f LATE NIGHT EATS Awesome Kitchen Big Cheese Poutinerie Clive Burger Singapore Sam’s Una Pizza + Wine Bar PLACES TO GO TO ESCAPE COUNTRY MUSIC Bespoke Commonwealth Hifi Club The Blues Can Standard

DAILY

TO-DO’S

2

THURS Find a pancake breakfast at flapjackfinder. com

Follow @datenightyyc and @stmpdr for daily contests and ideas on where to get your ‚ pede on.

Elliott Brood with Guests Wildhorse Saloon 9pm

Stampede Fashion Show TD CORE 2pm

Stmpdr’s Big Social The second annual Stmpdr bash

Village NutRaiser Bottlescrew Bills 6pm

Packers Plus 2nd Annual Invitational PBR Bullbustin Ranchman’s

3 4 FRI

Parade day!

Stampede Parade

Tanya Ryan Nashville North 3:00, 5:00, 7:00

Glowdeo Ranchmans’ 2pm

Word Famous Fridays Commonwealth

SAT

55th Annual Stampede Breakfast Chinook Centre The largest Stampede breakfast in the city.

#BIKINIESPY Espy Experience Show up in a bikini and cowboy boots to win a free outfit.

Salute to the Red, White and Blue Ranchman’s 2pm

Tanya Ryan Nashville North 4:00, 7:00

World Famous Stampede Pub Crawl Bust Loose

T H E FA C E OF 4TH STREET #HALFY HOUR

3 P M – 5 P M D A I LY

½ PRICE TACOS & TEQUILA

|

anejoyyc

|

$5 MARGARITAS & BEERS

contemporary interactive cuisine

403.228.9830 · 514 - 17 ave sw, Calgary, AB livingroomrestaurant.ca · @livingroomyyc

5 8 7. 3 5 3 . 2 6 5 6

# 2 , 2 1 1 6 – 4 t h S t r e e t S W C a l g a r y, A B

anejo.ca

Main dining room and stampede tent

★

★

|

★

Live blues, rock, & Country music daily ★

slow-cooked bbq served all day

★

★

As Seen On

foodnetwork.ca

FOOD NETWORK is a trademark of Television Food Network G.P.; used with permission.

Yahoo

for Brazilian Barbecue!

Do yer Stampedin' at MINAS

136 2nd Street SW

LUNCH • DINNER • BRUNCH BAR & LOUNGE • EVENTS LIVE ENTERTAINMENT OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK

403.454.2550 MINASSTEAkhouse INFO@MINASSTEAkhouse.com

DAKTYL MAJOR LAZER ODESZA PARTY FA’VOR RL GRIME SAM FELDT SMAL SMALLTOWN DJS THOMAS JACK CALGARY, AB

SHAWDOORS MILLENNIUM PARK 2PM 18+ NO MINORS

TICKETS ALSO AVAILABLE AT TICKETFLY.COM, ALL NEXT LEVEL LOCATIONS & GRASSROOTS

FACEBOOK.COM/THEUNIONEVENTS TWITTER.COM/UNIONEVENTSWEST

FACEBOOK.COM/THEUNIONEVENTS

TWITTER.COM/UNIONEVENTSWEST

5 6 7 SUN

Ludacris with special guests Cowboys Tent 6pm

MON

TUES

#Plankmondays Cleaver Let the dice do the talking. With planks for two on special, you can roll a dice for your bill. Roll even, Cleaver is buying.

Buck-a-shuck National 17th

Punk Rock Bingo Ship & Anchor

Sunday Skool w/ DJ Rice The Hifi Club

Buck-a-shuck 80th & Ivy Featuring $1 oysters and $5 pints

Chad Brownlee Nashville North 10pm

Blue Rodeo Cowboys Tent 7pm

Sunday Sessions National 17th Live music featuring Boots & The Hoots 7pm

32nd Annual Cowboys vs.

Firefighters Charity Pole Climb Ranchman’s Auction at 6pm, Climb at 9pm

Dallas Smith with guests Wildhorse Saloon 9pm

Frankie Ballard Nashville North 10pm

Trivia Night Broken City

Rock & Roll Bingo Oak Tree Tavern

Lil’ Jon with special guests Cowboys Dancehall 7pm

Alan Jackson Cowboys Tent 7pm

Clayton Bellamy Nashville North 10pm

8 WED

Amber Approved Stampede Breakfast Hotel Arts A gourmetinspired healthy alternative to the traditional Stampede breakfast

Bow River’s Buckin’ Breakfast Telus Convention Centre

Wine Wednesday Cibo $5 wine

The Stampede Round Up Fort Calgary performances

by Journey, Collective Soul and Big Wreck 3pm

Tropic Beauty Canadian Finals Cowboys Tent 3pm

The Sheepdogs Cowboys Dancehall 7pm

Sam Hunt Cowboys Tent 3pm

9 10 11 12

THURS

Miranda Lambert Saddledome 7pm

John Michael Montgomery Nashville North 10pm

FRI

Oxford Stomp Fort Calgary Sheryl Crow, George Thorogood and The Destroyers and The Sam Roberts Band 3pm

Bobby Willis Nashville North 10pm

Blackwood Golf Tournament Silverwing Golf Course and Century Downs Casino

SAT

Stampede Wind Up Crawl Bust Loose

Jason Blaine Nashville North 10pm

SUN

Sunday Sessions National 17th Live music by Carter Felker 7pm

The Nashville North All Star Band and Jason Greenley Nashville North 9pm, 10:30pm

DRINK ALL THE BEER, WE WILL HELP YOU www.itsdatenight.com SWEAT IT OUT LATER www.sweatyyc.com Saying hi at the Stampede is easy.

Don’t mess it up by taking them on a shitty first date.

join the 8 WEEK SWEAT Challenge JULY 13 - SEPTEMBER 5

M I D A W Y WAYS TO BREAK YOUR DIET AT THE CALGARY STAMPEDE

BIGGEST DOG ON A STICK

MINI DONUT POPS

RED VELVET CHICKEN STRIPS

The midway’s most popular treat is now

Normally

available as a popsicle. Hot off the conveyer

cake battered chicken strips add a little

belt then frozen — cinnfully delicious.

sweetness to your basket of grease.

BACON JALAPEÑO CHEESE ON A STICK

CHOCOLATE DIPPED BANANAS

These cheesy jalapeño pops are so good

Chocolate,

you might just blow your top. Bacon bits

chocolate, and coconut — just don’t make

with your choice of mozzarella, pepper

eye contact with anyone as you pop this

jack, or cheddar cheese — all on a stick.

treat in your mouth.

The size of four corn dogs on one stick.

I double, triple, quadruple dog dare you.

a

go-to

peanut

cupcake

butter,

—

these

shreds

of

E

A

T

S

LOBSTER CORN DOG

DRAGON DOG

If Martha Stewart had a corn dog, this

A foot long dog fills a sweet bun with

would be it. Real lobster, cased into a hot

bratwurst sausage, infused with cognac,

dog, dipped in cornmeal. Oh you fancy.

then smothered in Kobe beef and fresh lobster tail. This fancy dog is topped with

CRAZY CONE

truffles, tomatoes, and ricotta cheese.

A hollowed corn tube filled with soft serve

Guinness Book of Records states it’s the

ice cream — gluten free and perfect for

most expensive hot dog in the world — a

sharing.

bargain at only $100.

DONUT GRILLED CHEESE

PEANUT BUTTER KABOBS

A glazed doughnut sliced in half and grilled

A deep fried peanut butter and jelly

to perfection — choose from chicken or

sandwich, sliced into four, served on a stick

beef. It’s sweet meets savory in one artery

coupled with deep-fried Reeses Peanut

clogging bite.

Butter Cups.

A

bad Stampede hangover begins with that terrible cotton ball mouth, a twisted stomach, and utter confusion as to why you slept with your cowboy boots on. This is just the beginning. From there, you’re left to put the pieces of your night back together, or do that walk of shame back home – during which you’ll question your poor life choices.

While the obvious way to avoid this terrible moment is to add water in between each drink or to cut yourself off early, we all know this probably isn’t going to happen. So, here’s a few things that will make the morning after a little more pleasant

CARBOHYDRATES To get your system working again, you need to rehydrate and replenish your nutrients.

If your stomach is still doing somersaults, then start with something simple and filling.

While crackers are always a safe option, honey sandwiches or a pancake breakfast are highly recommended as the first meal of the day.

TIGER BALM The pounding headache can be the worst part of a hangover. If the painkillers aren’t doing the trick then pick up a bottle of Tiger Balm and rub a small amount on your temples. The soothing and cooling effects of the herbs in this balm will bring you

GREASE If you’re able to handle a bit more than toast, then head to your favourite morning haunt or pancake breakfast to load up on grease. Runny eggs, hash browns, and thick cut bacon is the nectar of the Stampede gods. If you wash this down with an orange juice you should be on the mend in no time.

ANYTHING FIZZY Alka Selzer, ENO, or a good old-fashioned coca-cola will do the trick. The bubbles will settle your stomach, the liquid will help the rehydration process, and the caffeine that comes in many soda pops will give you a gentle jolt to get moving.

DIRTY LEMONADE Dirty Lemonade, crafted with organic lemon, activated charcoal, bentonite clay, and zeolite will clean you right up and let you jump back on that horse before you know it. The clays and charcoal are known to re-mineralize your body, balance your pH levels, cleanse your liver, and eliminate toxins. Cutting to the chase, it’s the ultimate hangover cure and a Stampede 2015 essential. We suggest stocking your fridge.

Visit crujuice.com for store locations and local distributors.

HAIR OF THE DOG When in doubt, drink it out. A spicy Caesar, Baileys and coffee, or orange juice spiked with vodka are the cocktails of choice to get you back in the party mood.

What’s your secret? Spread the word and good Karma will come your way.

temporary bliss. ,

BUL LRIDING FACTS For most people bull riding is associated with either that Luke Perry movie “8 Seconds,” or a flashback to watching the drunkest girl in the bar ride a mechanical bull, getting tossed and cajoled in every direction as her skirt rides up well past an acceptable length.

We’re here to set the record straight on this adrenaline junkie, nut bustin’ ritual.

If you do your research, you’ll learn that bull riding can be traced back to the Minoan culture that existed approximately 1500 years before Jesus. We’re not entirely sure what that would have looked like – but we’re guessing it would have involved a couple of naked ass cavemen grunting and sweating as they tried to hang on to some giant bull… So really not a lot has changed in 3500 years.

1

The Professional Bull Riders site (pbr.com) lists some of the toughest bulls that have ever been ridden in competition. Their names include Bushwacker, I’m A Gangsta, Smackdown, Superduty, and the Quiet Riot. We were secretly hoping for names with a bit more intensity like Horns on Meth or The Free Vasectomy.

3

2

Flank Strap? Despite the fact that you see bulls shooting out of those pens at 100 miles an hour looking pretty hot and bothered, these bulls aren’t naturally this angry. It’s actually a little thing called a flank strap that’s behind all that crazy bucking action. Not to get too detailed, but imagine if someone tied a rope around your nether regions and hopped on for a piggyback – you’d probably be mad too.

4

As you might assume, cowboys don’t just ride bulls out of interest’s sake. There’s actually a great deal of prize money to be made. Several years ago, champions were making upwards of $11 million per competition and that number has likely grown in 2015.

STANDARD • DOWNTOWN • CALGARY

calgary‘s newest rooftop patio

111-7TH AVE SW • 403-474-4828 WWW.STANDARDYYC.COM