Gay Bones
Andreas Copes
2012
Breathing in. Pause. Breathing out. Pause. Ryan is laying on the bed in his one room
apartment. He is lifting his shirt and touches his body. He is pulling his skin, trying to find the very last piece of fat left in his body. “You are disgusting,” a voice in his head is saying. He breathes in and hold his breath. 10 seconds. 20 seconds. 30 seconds. The bones of the breast spine pierce the bare skin, almost as if they wanted to penetrate it. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven… breathing out… breathing in… eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve. Twelve bones, that is the number of bones he counts in his rib cage. Ryan is gliding over his chest while holding his breath and almost finds it amusing how it feels like playing the xylophone in 3rd grade. Every paper, every movie, everyone in the scene tells you, if you want to get laid as a Twink you better be skinny. Ryan, you better be skinny.
My name is Ryan and this is my life. I always had an eye on boys when I was in
elementary school. I even remember that, in second grade I asked my best friend Sasha if I could kiss him. I guess here you have the answer to the so often asked question: “When did you find out that you were gay?” I also remember, and that was way before second grade, a
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