Friends Who Stay
& Friends Who Stray
By Meredith Mitstifer, Psy. D
Licensed Clinical Psychologist Ovarian Cancer Survivor & Advocate Cancer has a way of causing significant disruptions in your life, including friendships. Don’t get me wrong, some friends truly rally and offer amazing support. And while you didn’t want a cancer membership, you might also make wonderful new friends in the “club” during your treatment. But what about those that fall into the phenomenon known as “cancer ghosting,” according to Sarah Graham (Refinery29.com)? Ghosting has been defined by the practice of ending a relationship with someone suddenly and typically without explanation. This response can be normalized by research carried out by War on Cancer, a social networking app for cancer patients which reports 65% of respondents said friends or relatives disappeared or decreased/cut contact after their cancer diagnosis. While not uncommon, this reaction can be hurtful, confusing, and another “side effect” that a survivor may endure.
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Acceptance in the psychology world involves acknowledging and embracing the full range of your thoughts, feelings, and emotions, rather than trying to avoid, deny or alter them. As cancer survivors, we are forced into “accepting” so many changes, and unfortunately friendships are not exempt. Having cancer will most likely change your friendships. Some changes may surprise you while you bear witness to an overwhelming outpouring of kindness, compassion, and grace. You may become closer to some friends, especially those that can relate, while other friendships may dissolve no matter what you do. Some friendships are not over, but they may just be different. It goes without saying that cancer and COVID have also limited our abilities to connect, depending on our responses to treatment.
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