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Classified Ads

The manufacture of CC Doors and Sash is NOT incidental with us, NOT a side line nor a by product. A large section of our plant is devoted to CC rtock exclusively. Not only to the mere making of the goode, w€ are constantly improving our methodr, increadng efficiency, and in other waye ertablishing original changes, the benefitE of which react to you in our price lists.

CC DOORS AND SASH ARE IMPORTANT ITEMS TO THE "MR. PEP'' DEALERS.

Instruct """' o"'"r::"t"1::"' shipping crerk to gend the next CC order to John W. Koehl & Son, Inc., and to carefully report his impressions on the handling of the order.

'We carry an immense stock, 40 stock sizes.

. THE INDEPENDENT DIOGENES

The old philosopher Diogenes was famous for his utter independence, and scorn for anything he didn't agree with. It was charged against him that he never offered sacrifice to the Greek Gods. So one day. he appeared in the Temple when there was a crowd gathered, and ostentatiously cracking a louse on the altar rail he exclaimed:

"Thus does Diogenes sacrifice to all the Gods at once."

No Enemies

Ingersoll used to say that the goodness of some men was like unto that of the fierce old Spaniard who lay on his deathbed, and the Priest was called to his side to prepare him for the dark journey.

"Before you die," said the Priest, "you must forgive all your enemies."

"I have no enemies," replied the old Spaniard.

"What?" exclaimed the Priest who knew something of his record,-"no enemies?"

"None," replied the dying man with much satisfaction, "I killed the last one yesterday."

As We Appear To The Chinese

The following letter was written by a Chinaman to a friend of his back in China, after the writer had observed American customs for a short time:

"You cannot civilize these foreign devils. They are beyond redemption. They will live for weeks and months without touching a mouthful of rice, but they eat the flesh of bullocks and sheep in enormous quantities. That is why they smell so badly. Every day they take a bath to rid themselves of their disagreeable odors, but they do not succeed. It is carried into the room in large chunks, often half raw, and they cut and slash and tear it apart like savages" They eat with knives and prongs It makes a civilized person very nervous. One fancies himself in the presence of sword-swallowers. They even sit down at the table with women, and the latter are served fi15f-lsvslsing the order of nature-yet the women are to be pitied too, for on festive occasions they are dragged around the room by the men to the accompaniment of the most awful music."

A New Game Law

A new game law should be passed in every state containing the following provisions:

"Book agents may be shot between October Ist and September lst; Spring Poets from March lst to June lst; Auto Speed Demons from January lst to January 1st; Road Hogs from April 15th to April 15th; AmaGur.flunt-ers from September lst to February lst; Political ta{kers, no closed season; any man who accepts a paper for two years and reads it, and when the bill is presented'says he didn't order it, may be killed on sight and his body buried in quick-lime face down, to prevent the spread of the germ."

YES INDEED ! MUCH MORE

When a wild and pop-eyed driver

Shoots his auto'down the street, He makes the public step abonrt On light and nimble feet; He can make the bravest tremble, He can make the boldest quail, But they say the female driver Is more deadly than the mala

Now You Tell One

Sambo-"Look, heah, big boy! Don't youall mess wid me caus Ah's ha'd. Las' week Ah falls on a buzz saw an busts it com-plete-1y."

Rambe"Boy, you ain't ha'd. Whah Ah comes fum de chilluns plays tiddle de winks wid de sewer covers."

Here And There

Pape loves Mama, Mama loves men. Mama's in the grave yard, Papa's in the pen.

They Accepted The Order

The drug store was selling razors at 50 cents each. They got a letter that read:

"Please send me one of your razors, for which I enclose fifty cents."

P.S. "I forgot to enclose the 50 cents, but no doubt a firm of your standing will send the .razor anyway."

The store replied:

"V/e beg to acknowledge receipt of your esteemed order, and take pleasure in sending the razor, which we trust you will enjoy."

P"S. "We have forgotten to enclose the razor, but no doubt a fellow with your cheek won't need oner"

Sign On The Back Of A Ford

"Ask the Man Who Owes on One."

A Faithless Husband

From a letter received by a mail-order house:

"The enclosed articles have proved unsatisfactory to my lvife, who, I regret to inform you, is very hard to please. I notice they are entirely as represented in the, catalogue and also just what was ordered, so it is no fault on_your part. My wife is naturally very trying at times. Some-. iimes she does not know what she does want. I am thoroughly disgqsted with the way my wife finds fault with thingi, esplcially when she receives exactly what she orders."

.. A jeweler in the Latin Quarter is advertising, "Peads, guarinteed to be genuine imitation."-ls Sourire (Paris).

The music house wishing to put out a suitable slogan to help liven the sale of saxophones might use this: "Ask the Man Who Moans One."-Life.

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