GusRussell Writes About a NewPlague

January 7th,1925.

Mr. Jack C. Dionne, Editor, California Lumber Merchant, Central Bldg., Los Angeles, Calif.

Dear Sir:- this disease, which is seemingly rampant in this office at present.

. Realizing. yourvital interest in anything afiecting the lumber business from any source or standloint, we wish to enlist, your aid before putting our problem before the United States Forest Laboratory at Midison, 'Wisconsin.

Up to this time, the disease that has attacked us has not affected standing pine timber, but instead the personnel of our office staff. Whether this pest be "blistler rust" or "boll weevil," we ard unable to determine. The first sym- toms were found last summer in the case of our Mr. Albert Kelley and notic_e_able indications were his glazed eyes and dragging feet. Naturally, we were apprehensive as to his condition and feared everything frorn foot and mouth disease to hook worm, including sleeping sickness.

_ Having raised this young fellow Kelley from a mere lad, a consultation domposed of a horse. docior, mind reader and a cross word puzzle expert was immediately impaneled. The veterinary uiged firing Kelley's two-fore ieet,^ pulling off his shoes and turning him. out to pasture. Thij treat-ment we discarded as being too severe.

The mind reader quit without a struggle, claiming he had no hole card and nothing to draw tJor judge fro;.

The cross word lad stuck to the end and said that so far 1s he could judge, Kelley was suffdring from a word of four letters, (vertical) meaning-"something to which the young ryal's fancy lightly turns in time of Spring," but admitted that he was stuck as to the spelling of thJ word.

Bill Anderson of the Peninsula Lumber Companv blew in about that time and claimed that he knew thi unknowable, particularly when it applied to "cross words" because he was brought up in a saw mill, and therefore, insisted that the word was, "fish."

From Thanksgiving Day to the second week in December, two of our most effrcient and charming young ladies, Miss Grant and Miss Shepard, showed the same alarming symptoms in even a more malignant form, as indicated in Kelley's case.

Both of these young ladies have been with us for a considerable period and when they commence to transcribe letters dictated "My dear Sir," with the greeting "My darling Sweetheart," we jumped to the conclusion that having lost their chances with Kelley, their mental apparatus had become sadly deranged.

Approaching Christmas their respective conditions grew worse in place of better, and fear for their recovery was held in all quarters until on December 26th, when they both simpered into the office wearing large samples of Kimberley rocks (to pay for rvhich we imagine somewherE in this neighborhood there are two young men doing night work) and announcing their desertion of office duties on June 1st, 1925, f.or the privilege of washing dishes and sweeping floors.

It is assumed that these poor unfortunate girls have observed very carefully the treatment prescribed by Mr. Pedder for Kelley and are endeavoring to cure themselves.

One of them in anticipation of changing her name. has decided to go at it gradually and consequently insists she is no longer "Kate" but "Kathryn." Insomuch as she proposes to sign a life contract (without pay) with an Irishman named Bernstein. we can only assume that she is trving to accustom herseif to this by degrees.

Miss Shepard seems to have forgotten both her first and her last name in the dreamy anticipation of "happy ever afterwards" with a radio merchant, having as she explains, no fear of static.

What we want is some preventive for this germ, bug, insect, or parasite. We want to know whither are we drifting, and if so, why ?

-_

Being very anxious to do anything we could to relieve Kgll.y'g.co_ndition, we purchased a can of salmon eggs and while the boy claimed to have taken two eggs regularly before ,each meal, his condition grew worse instiad of better.

Turning from specialists in diseases to those in the law, we engaged the services of Mr. Stanley Pedder, who is pa-rt lawyer .and part lumberman, to diagnose a cure. After examining innumerable law books, Mi. Pedder pre- scribed, without a guarantee, however, matrimony, cliiming that he had cured innumerable cases of a similir nature by first giving a dose of matrimony, to be followed later on with the further attention of a divorce judge.

We put this up to poor suffering Kelley and he took his medicine like a man.. After looking ovei the prescription as compounded for him, the writer felt some symptoms himself.

IJnfortunately, Albert having slight experience in treatments of this nature, chose Thanksgiving Day as the one on which to start his course of treatment, claiming that by so doin_g he could always remember his wedding anniveisary. If he goes thru this course again, he will probably pick April lst, for he has just discoveied that Thanksgiving is a movable holiday and his wife claims every Thursday ai an anniversary and'expects a present.

Whether ${r. Pedder's prescription will cure Albert,s trouble remains to be seen. We will admit there is a noticeable improvement in his condition, and we are not at present so worried about Kelley as we are the spread of

There is no desire on our part to put the blame where it does not belong, but there can be no question but what this infection started on California Street and in the lumber business with "Duke" Euphrat. Look what he did something over one year ago-went and got married-proving that a lot of old sayings rvere right, and at his age too. And look what happened now-he is a father-and think what that means with business the way it is.

History is bound to repeat itself. Is there nothing that can be done to stop the plagire that is attacking this office ? Can no one reason with these girls, so that they will "stop, look and listen?"

Yours in great distress, SANTA FE LUMBER COMPANY. AJR. GRW By A.J. Russell, Manager.

The Black Cat Cross Word Pvzzle

The winners of the Great Black Cat Cross Word Puzzle, will be announced in the February lst issue. Answers have been coming in since the first of the month, are now being checked, and the successful ones will he announced, and will receive their prizes, on February lst.

WATCH FOR ANOTHER LUMBER PVZZLE IN THE FEBRUARY FIRST ISSUE.