A Carpenter Asks About White Pine

(The'Federal Trade Commission has just issued a Cease and Desist Order forbidding the mills of the West to advertise and sell products of the species Pinus Ponderosa, commonly known as Western White Pine and California White Pine, as "white pine".)

A conversation that might have taken place:

Carpenter: "I want about fifteen hundred feet more of that White Pine. Here's my list of items".

Lumber Dealer: "Were you seeking Pinus Strobus or Pinus Lambertiana?"

Carpenter: "Sir?"

Lumber Dealer: "I asked if you are seeking Pinus Strobus or Pinus Lamblertiana?"

Carpenter: "f ain't seeking anything. I'm wanting to buy some more White Pine. What are you doing, kidding me?"

Lumber Dealer: "I have no such intention, I assure you. I simply want to find out exactly what wood it is you want. So again I ask, do you want Pinus Strobus, or Pinus Lambertiana?"

Carpenter: "Listen, Mister. You ain't been drinking this early in the morning, have you?"

Lumber Dealer: "No, I'm perfectly sober. And please don't think I'm acting or talking peculiarly, or that I don't appreciate your businpss. I do. And I want to supply your lumber needs just as I have done for years".

Carpenter: "Then why the H-ll are you wasting my time and yours standing there talking like a dictionary, when f want some White Pine lumber and am able and willing to pay for it?"

Lumber Dealer: "I just want to explain to you that there are only two species of genuing white pine. One is the Pinus Strobus, which grows in many northern states, and was the original white pine species. The other is the Pinus Lambertiana, which grows in Califoronia, is a huge species of pine, and is commonly known as Sugar Pine. It also is a true white ping. Which is it that you want to buy?"

Carpenter: "Mister, I'm starting to get mad. f want to buy some more of that same White Pine you've been selling me right along to build cabinets out of. If you've lost track of your own stocks, come on back in the yard and I'll show it to you. f was looking at it yesterday when I was in the yard getting some other stuff, and you've got a fresh carload of it in the last week".

Lumber Dealer: "Oh, you mean that Pinus Ponderosa. But you musn't call that White Pine, because it really isn't".

Carpenter: "You mean to tell me that isn't pine?"

Lumber Dealer: "Oh, yes, it's pine, all right".

Carpenter: 'Well, it's white, ain't it?"

Lumber Dealer: "Only in color".

Carpenter (yelling loudly) : "What?"

Lumber Dealer: "Please control yourself. I said that it is white in color only".

Carpenter: "IIow iq H-U else did you expect anything to be white except in color? Are you losing your mind?"

Lumber Dealer: "Please be calm, and let me explain. It seems that that wood you are talking about, Pinus Ponderosa, has been called white pine in the past. But ttre mill that sold me that last car explained to me that they have passed a law to the effect that only lumber from the trees Pinus Strobus and Pinus Lambertiana can be called white pine, and warned me I had best not tell my customers that it is white pine for fear of getting into trouble'.

Carpenter: "But, Mister, that can't be. Why, it's the whitest, softest lumber f ever sawed. I been buying it as white pine and using it as white pine. You say it IS pine, and anyone can see it IS white. Then if it's both white and pine, why canit we call it white pine?"

Lumber Dealer: "I'm not sure that I rightly know myself. It IS white pine, all right. But it isn't white pine, when you refer to it by that name. See?"

Carpenter: "But why not?"

Lumber Dealer: "Because it's against the law".

Carpenter: "Against the law to call white pine white pine?"

Lumber Dealer: "That's what the mill told me".

Carpenter: "But why isn't white pine white pine?"

Lumber Dealer: "Well, the mill says that it's because the trees they cut this stuff from has threeneedle leaves".

Carpent'er: "Well, what does that mean to me, or my customers ?"

Lumber Dealer: "ft seems that unless a tree has fiveneedle leaves you can't call it white pine".

Carpenter: "But what diffet'ence does it make to me how many needles the leaves have? What of it? What about it? Who cares about that?"

Lumber Dealer: "I don't know. Don't jump on me. I'm just telling you what they told me. All I know is that it's against the law to call that pine out therb white pine".

Carpenter: "Do you mean to tell me seriously that they've passed a law that says I can't call a white thing white?"

Lumber Dealer: "Well, ss-s1'-".

Carpenter: "And f can't call a white piece of pine white pine because the tree it came from didn't have a certain number of needles in the leaves? Do you mean to stand there and tell me such stuff as that?"

(Continued on Page 28)