THESD ABE GOOI) FOLKS TO DO BUSINBSS WIIH

Ifi Should Die Tonight

If I should die tonightAnd yorr should come to my cold corpse and say Weeping and heartsick o'er my lifeless clay- I say-ifI should die tonight

And you should come in deepest grief and woe And say "Here's that ten dollars that I srys"I might arise in my large white cravat And. say-"What's that?"

If I should die tonight-

And you should come to my cold corpse and kneel Clasping my bier to show the grief you feelI say-if I should die tonight

And you should come to me and there and then Just even hint about paying me that ten, I might arise the while But I'd drop dead again.

-Ben King.

Bad Days

Everyone has bad mornings, hates to hear the telephone ring, or to see the office door open. I beg of you gentlemen, when next you meet such a rnorning, take a stick of dynamite and blow up one of our plants. But do not take it out on a customer of General Electric. We can replace the plant you have destroyed; we know its value; we have a reserve fund from which \,ee can rebuild.But we cannot measure the goodwill you have destroyed, and we can never know if we have replaced it. (Owen D. Young, addressing a group of General Electric Company employes.)

It Had Been Tried

Duringan American Legion convention an old lady, alarmed by the antics of some of the men, rushed up to a policeman and said:

"Officer, can't you stop them?"

"Madam," said the ofhcer, sadly, "There was an old man in Germany tried that once, and now he's sawing wood in Holland".

Tragedy

Mule in a barnyard, lazy and sick; Boy with a pin on the end of a stick, Boy jabs mule, mule makes a lurch, Services Monday at the M. E. Church.

No Substitutes

Don't try to eliminate the old-fashioned virtues-many have tried it with indifferent success. No good substitute has yet been found for simplicity, frankness, sobriety, industry, ind sincerity.

HE SHOULDN'T KICK

The Bolshevik firing squad was leading a victim to the slaughter pen, walking him through a terrific storm.

"Beasts", said the victim, "to march me through-a storm like this".

"What are YOU kicking about?" asked one of the guq men, "We have to walk back"

Rest

Rest is a fine medicine. Let dyspeptics; let your brains .rest, men of business; let your limbs your stomachs rest, ye you wearied and worried rest, ye children of toil". -Carlisle.

THE BOY'S AMBITION

'!Son", said the proud father, "why do you want to become an aviator?"

"So I can fly over Mickey McGuire's house and drop rocks down on him", replied the boy who reads the funnies.

Industry

If you have talent, industry will improve it; if you have none, industry will supply the deficiency.

Speaking of Trade Names

A CHICAGO lawyer tried to register a trade-mark for "Limdstone Brand," a cathartic medicine. He was advised by the examiner of trade-marks that it was deceptive because it contained no limestone. Whereupon according to the Chemical Bulletin of the Chemical National Bink, New York, he prepared a remarkable brief which read in part:

_

",Iyo_ry is q good trade-mark for soap not made of ivory. 9old Dust Washi.ng Powder is not made of gold. Theie is no bull in BullDurham. Royal Baking Powder is not used exclusively by royalty, nor is Cream Baking Powder made of cream. Pearline contains no pearls, and White Rock is water. There is no cream in Cream of Tartar, in Cold Cream or in Chocolate Creams, no millr in Milk of Magnesia, in Milkweed or in the Cocoanut. These are all as remote from the cow as the cowslip.

"There is no grape in grapefruit, or bread in bread-fruit. A pineapple is neither pine nor apple; a prickly pear is not a pear; an alligator pear is neither a pear nor an alligator, and a sugar plum is not a plum. Apple-butter is not butter. All the butter is taken out of buttermilk, and there is none in butternuts, or in buttercups, and the flies in the dairy are not butterflies. Peanuts are not peas, and it is doubtful if they are nuts. Sailors wear pea-jackets-peas do not, they have peas-cods, which, by the way, are not fish."

The examiner of trade-marks will have to dig hard and deep before he can find an argument that will match this one so ably presented.